Timeless
by Lightning Ink
Summary: Three years become seven. Naruto is back! Anything is possible with enough time, money, and high explosives. Anything. Are you ready? AU, OC, OCC. Powerful Naruto, others will get powerup, NaruHina, being rewritten to bring up to present standards.
1. Prologue

I do not own Naruto, so dont come asking me for the licence.

Prologue

Hyuga Hinata was finally going to do it. She finally worked up the nerve to tell Uzumuki Naruto how she really felt about him. She had gotten the last word out, and Naruto was just standing there, with one of his expressions on his face. He opened his mouth, and she was hoping with all of her heart that she would get something back. However, as he started to speak, Naruto morphed slowly into her father, Hiashi.

While she couldn't hear Naruto's words, her father's words were perfectly clear in her mind. "I told you to stay away from this boy. You are the Hyuga Clan's Heir, and this… _boy_… I will never accept him into my family. You are to forget him at once, do I make myself clear?"

Hinata tried to respond, but came up with no answer. She tried to speak, but her mouth wouldn't move. As her father spoke, he grew ever more distant, and as he finished, morphed back into Naruto, who grinned at her. Even though she couldn't talk, she turned red and passed out.

She opened her eyes and found herself staring up at a white ceiling. But something here wasn't right. Her ceiling wasn't white; it was bright blue, the same color as Naruto's eyes. As her other senses slowly returned to her, she found her nose assailed by the stench of disinfectant, her ears attacked by the never ending beep-beep noise of a computer tracking her heart, and her body feeling as though she had gone through one of Rock Lee's training sessions.

Hinata shifted her weight, and groaned at the shifting contact between her back and the bed she was on. What was she doing in the hospital? And why in the world was she in so much pain?

However, her comeback into the physical world had not yet allowed for her to summon any memories. When she tried to summon charka, nothing happened. No matter how hard she pushed, no charka came out. With that last motion, she realized why she was in the hospital.

Hinata and her cousin, Neji, had fought in the preliminaries of the chuunin exams. She remembered him hitting all of her chakra points, sealing them off with his own. Their Byakugan allowed them to see the chakra lines flowing in their opponents, and when she added her own chakra to her strikes, she could seal them off, rendering them helpless.

Unfortunately, she had not been the only person to know this. Neji also knew this technique, and despite the fact that she was the heir, he had come very close to killing her. The only thing that stopped him was the intervention of several Jonin, including their respective sensei. The last thing she remembered was Naruto jumping off of the railing to come to her aid, and then… nothing.

Hinata shifted again, this time eliciting a response from her lungs, which coughed up blood. She wiped her mouth on her gown as several medical ninja rushed into the room, looking concerned. They took her vitals and found nothing wrong. After giving her something to drink, they backed out of the room.

Hinata looked at the clock bolted to the wall opposite her bed. According to it, she had been out for nearly eighteen hours since the end of her match. Just how bad of a shape was she in? Why had Neji been carried away and beaten her to this state? There were a lot of whys and what-ifs running around her head, and she shut them down for the moment, trying to focus on getting to the restroom next to the clock.

She opened the door with some difficulty and staggered her way inside. When she had grasped the sink and was not about to fall over, she flicked on the lights and examined herself in the mirror.

Every inch of her arms and face was bruised, mainly from the beating she had taken. She then quickly examined the rest of her body. Her elbows and knees were scraped badly, mainly from the many times she had stood back up to challenge her cousin, but those would heal quickly. So would be bruises on her arms and face. What were not going to be so easy to repair were the bruises and cuts on her heart.

Hinata shed a few silent tears, and then winced when she tried to wipe them with her arm. She had tried so hard to be noticed by Naruto, and when she had, what happened? Neji beat the pulp out of her. In front of everyone! What would Naruto think about her now?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her door. When she staggered over and opened it, Kiba and Shino, along with Akamaru, Kiba's Ninja Dog, who rode in his jacket with his head popping out, entered her room. When they saw her, swaying before them, they rushed forward and helped her back to her bed.

After she had settled back down in her blankets, Shino said, "You really shouldn't have been moving around, you know. After the job that Neji did on you, you shouldn't have the energy to stand up. You could have just told us to come in instead of opening the door yourself, you know.

Kiba didn't say anything, for once. He just stood there looking at her. Akamaru had different plans, however, as the puppy left him and jumped on her. Hinata winced at the impact, but let Akamaru lick her face.

After waiting a few more seconds, Kiba rubbed his bandaged chin. "Goddamnit. Naruto has certainly come a long way since our days with him at the Academy. I remember him as the blundering idiot who was always causing Iruka-Sensei to make us do all the stuff that we already knew over again."

At that point, Shino interrupted, "Kiba, we should be going. She needs her rest and you need yours. After what Naruto did to you today-"

"I told you," Kiba growled angrily, "That moron got lucky. If I faced him again, he wouldn't be standing for very long, I can assure you that."

"Regardless, we should be going. Even if you don't value your own health, Hinata here needs to rest. Nearly all of her chakra points are still sealed, and she's in no shape to be talking for long periods of time. It might be days before she can walk safely on her own two feet. And in any case, it's getting late, and the hospital closes to visitors in ten minutes. We need to be going."

Kiba snorted and waved at Hinata, saying, "Don't worry. We'll come and visit you as often as we can. As long as the Hokage doesn't stop us, we'll come." Shino nodded in agreement. "Come on, Akamaru. Give Hinata her rest. She's going to need it tomorrow."

Akamaru barked and jumped to Kiba's shoulder and then into his hair. "Well, we'll both see you later." With that parting, they both walked out the door and gently closed it behind them."

She sighed and snuggled tighter under her blankets. The night was fast approaching, and since she was still exhausted from the fight, sleep quickly took her as the lights were dimmed ten minutes later.

Daylight outside Hinata's window slowly shifted across her face and she woke from her sleep, refreshed but still severely weakened. After washing her face in the pan of water next to her bed, she tried to stand up again, but found that she could barely manage to make her muscles respond.

Sighing, she lay back down and prepared herself for what was going to be a very boring day. Closing her eyes, she thought back to the dream she had. This was going to be a big problem later on. She couldn't pluck up the courage to tell Naruto, and sooner or later, he was going to be claimed by someone else.

Sighing again, Hinata started daydreaming about him, something that she had done for years. In her mind's eye, she could confide in him, but she could never seem to get near him without passing out cold. It was either that or he was so busy eating Ramen that he would never notice her. After all, she was just a strange, dark-haired girl to him.

She was interrupted by someone opening the door and pushing in a cart of food. Hinata sighed again. It was Hospital food. That was just what she needed right now. She couldn't really afford to be picky though, as she hadn't eaten a full meal for over a week, since before the start of the Chunin Exams.

After the nurse left to help the other patients, she turned back to the food she had gotten. Maybe she could turn her nose at it, but that wouldn't be a smart thing to do. Weakened as she was right now, anything to help her get her strength back quickly was something good; even if it was unappetizing hospital food.

She had just finished eating the last piece of chicken on her plate and set it aside when knock came on the door. She checked the time. It was eleven thirty. Kiba and Shino would both still be asleep at this point, since they didn't have any missions to do during the chuunin exams.

"Come in." she said.

The door creaked inward and a face that she knew better then her own popped in. What on earth was he doing here?

Author's note:

Well, here we go. The prologue. I know its kinda dull and all, but trust me, better stuff is coming. This is my First fanon in three years, and my first with NaruHina and even Naurto. Tried some Halo before, but the damn plot is so hard to get into. Anyway. R&R. Given the chance, i'll do the same to your pieces. Cut me some slack though. Oh, and i get writer's block really easily, so i need alot of encouragement to come out of it. And one last thing. THIS IS A NO-FLAME ZONE!!!

Thanks.

DDRMSTRPRO


	2. Chapter 1

I do not own Naruto. Anyone asks me, they will be eaten alive like any ninja that tries to attack me.

Chapter I: Last Days

Naruto poked his head into the room, his spiky blonde hair bouncing. The ever present grin was on his face, and two large bags of something in his hands. The moment that Hinata saw him, she flushed bright red. "Oh, Naruto. How… n-nice to see you, b-but what are you doing h-here?"

His grin continued as he opened the door fully and she saw what was in his hands. Ramen. Nearly twenty bowls of it were stacked on top of one another. She should have known that if he would come to see her, he was going to bring Ramen. After all, that's practically all he ate.

He put the bowls down and put one hand behind his head, saying all the while, "Hey, Hinata. I know that Neji landed you in the hospital, and I know that Hospital food can be a real drag on the gut and all, so I brought you some good old Ichiraku Ramen!"

Hinata didn't say anything at all, instead, her face flushed plum and she fell back onto her pillows, out cold. Naruto was always confused by this and he went over to her, shaking her gently. "Hinata. Hinata. Wake up. The Ramen is getting cold!"

Hinata was in her own mind, overwhelmed by this overly generous burst of thoughtfulness. Maybe she hadn't failed in his eyes after all. Slowly, she opened her eyes and was hit by the wonderful smell of Miso Ramen at the same time.

Ichiraku Ramen was Naruto's favorite place to eat in town. So much, that when Iruka or Kakashi or anyone else took him there for dinner, or any meal, for that matter, they were pretty much guaranteed to have a depleted wallet by the time he finished eating and they got home. Six people had already declared bankruptcy after they had taken him there after a mission or a hard day of training.

It was easy to see why. In the few minutes that she had been out, he had already eaten six bowls of ramen and was busy devouring a seventh. And the scary thing was, these weren't small bowls. No, they were massive, easily bigger then his face. Hinata could never figure out where all of those noodles, meat, and soup went.

As he loudly slurped the last of the broth, he balanced the bowl on his growing pile. Faster then the eye could see, he reached into the bag for another bowl of Beef-Flavored Ramen. "U-Um, N-Naruto?"

He looked up from a large piece of meat that he was chewing and quickly bit off a piece, "Yeah?" he said, swallowing the food after two bites.

"I-I don't h-have any ch-chopsticks."

Naruto smacked himself on the forehead. How could he forget to hand her the chopsticks? After all, one did not use fingers to eat the delicacy that was Ramen. Well, unless they were starving and had no choice. "Yeah, one second." He reached into the second bag and rummaged around the bottom for a bit.

Accepting the pair of chopsticks from Naruto with a flame-red blush, she began to eat the Ramen, though not as quickly as he did. His speed at eating ramen was very easily seen, as the fact that one bowl would be enough to satisfy the average person. By the time she finished her first bowl, he was on his last. Seeing that she was finished, Naruto balanced the trash, and with his mouth still full of noodles, said, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

The newly created clone picked up the precariously balanced pile of bowls and took the real Naruto's frog-shaped wallet as well. "Go back to Ichiraku's and get me another ten bowls of Beef-Flavored Ramen. All that training earlier really took it out of me. If there's not enough, tell him to put it on my tab. I'll pay him tonight; I just need to get my paycheck."

The clone nodded and hopped out the window, careful not to drop any of the dishes. After a second, Naruto seemed to change his mind on eating more, since he hopped out the window after the clone, and with a resounding crash, it disappeared and he climbed back into the room, the frog-shaped wallet back in his pocket.

With another grin that sent Hinata's face burning, he waved good bye and poked his head out of the door, only to withdraw it a split second later. "I'll, um, just take the way out that my clone did. Catch you around. After he had finished speaking, Naruto jumped out the window and took off along the rooftops.

Five seconds later, the door burst open and two nurses tumbled their way inside. After seeing that the room was empty, they nodded at Hinata and dove back into the hallway. They were obviously on the trail of Naruto. Maybe he had just made shadow clones and sent them running through the halls so that he could come in here. That meant that he made a lot of shadow clones, since they had just realized that they weren't chasing the real one.

She sighed again. Leaning back into her pillow, she pulled the covers over her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep. Dreams started to flash in her mind. Dreams about her days at the academy, about Naruto and herself, and about what she would do the next time that they met all floated through her mind.

Naruto bounced from rooftop to rooftop, reverting to all fours for extra speed. However, it was nowhere near enough to escape the person who appeared in front of him in a puff of black smoke.

He tried to swerve, but Kakashi, his Jounin teacher, merely stuck out a foot and tripped Naruto, who went spinning head over heels. He finally stopped six inches away from the edge of the building, and rolled onto his back. Kakashi, whose face was always partially covered by his forehead protector and a black mask, was busy reading the book that he always carried around with him, 'Make Out Paradise'.

Naruto spit out a mouthful of gravel. "Kakashi-Sensei! What the hell was that for?"

Kakashi did not seem perturbed by this outburst; since he heard twenty a day. Every time they got assigned a mission that he wouldn't like, Naruto would start shouting and insulting the Hokage for giving him such an easy mission. "_While the boy definitely has talent," _he mused, turning a page, _"he lacks focus and attention. If he had those and some common sense in that brain, he would be unstoppable."_

"I assume that you still want this?" he said, holding out the frog-shaped wallet.

Naruto snatched it back and tucked it deep within his jumpsuit. Before he could leave, though, Kakashi commented, "Is it just me, or is that little guy on a diet? I swore he's lost so much weight. Or have you just been out to lunch again?"

He grinned and put one hand to scratch the back of his head. "Yeah, I went out for lunch. I was tired and I couldn't resist."

Kakashi snorted gently, "And let me guess what you ate. Ramen. Well, am I right?"

"Yep. Nothing but Beef Ramen from Ichiraku's!"

"And let me take a shot at how much you ate," Kakashi said, turning another page in his book. "You just had to have five bowls of that stuff and your poor friend here is starving."

Naruto grinned rather like a fox would. "Wow, Kakashi-sensei. You are really off today. I had seventeen bowls of that stuff."

Kakashi face valuted and fell off the side of the building.

Naruto scrambled over to the side of the building and peered over. Kakashi had landed, making a giant crater with the impact of his head. His limbs were twitching, but he managed to wave at him to go on and leave him there.

Naruto burst out laughing and started making his way back to the training grounds. When he finally got there, he found Shikamaru, sleeping on a stump. He grinned evilly and started making seals. "Oroike no Jutsu!"

Shikamaru was still napping when a loud popping noise made him open his eyes. And when he had, he wished he was still asleep. In front of him was a blonde girl with blue eyes with only wisps of cloud covering her… assets. He instantly had a massive nosebleed and face faulted at the same time.

Naruto laughed and reassumed his natural form. Shikamaru scowled and wiped the blood from his nose, then with his traditional saying, "How troublesome…" jumped off and headed home where he could sleep without being disrupted.

Naruto was still sniggering when he did his trademark technique, the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. Instantly, a hundred copies of himself popped into existence. "Alright, guys," He yelled. All of the clones stopped fooling around and looked at him expectantly. "Fight!" With a savage yell, all of the clones charged at Naruto and the sparring began.

A month passed. With a master who taught him new tricks that he could do with his chakra, along with better focusing and molding, the match with Neji didn't only seem possible, but easy. But this proved to be false. Neji had quickly locked up all of his chakra points, rendering him to cast any Jutsu that required chakra. However, he still would not give up.

He was beat down again and again. Finally, he remembered something that his new sensei, Jiriaya, had said to him. "_You are special in the fact that you have two chakra sources. However, only use the second one when no other course exists._" Well, at that time, no other source of chakra existed, so he drew upon this other source, and the battle instantly evened up in Naruto's favor.

In the end, however, he wouldn't be stopped. With a small series of blows, Neji was incapacitated and Naruto won. However, disaster struck quickly in the form of the Third Hokage's death and the invasion of Konoha by the sound village. After this of course, they had to go off and find Sauske, who was kidnapped.

Hinata was torn. On one hand, they had a new Hokage, Tsuande. However, she had not even been able to catch a glimpse of Naruto, since he was so busy nowadays. He had even stopped coming to Ichiraku's, as she found out when she asked the owner. A Naruto that stopped eating Ramen just wasn't Naruto anymore. Something was definitely going wrong here.

Tsuande was buried in paperwork, almost literally. Since becoming the Hokage, she hadn't had so many fights with enemy ninja as the never ending flow of papers that needed to be signed, bills that had to be paid to other villages, and missions that had to be assigned to the different teams.

And to add to all of her troubles, Naruto was running around amok, trying to convince her to let him go look for Sauske, and Jiriaya was in her office. She sighed and pulled out a bottle of sake she kept for just such an occasion. Uncorking it, she took a generous swig of the alcohol and then put it back under her desk.

Jiriaya grinned and started to lean in-

**WHAM! BAM! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! SPLAT!**

Tsuande, who had been watching him carefully, suddenly stood up and smashed his face through the desk, the carpet, the floorboards, the support beam underneath, and finally to the marble reception hall beneath them. Jiriaya was head-first in a crater, twitching comically.

The Hokage sighed. _The old pervert hadn't changed one bit in all these years. _Sighing again, she pulled the bottle out from under her ruined desk and took another gulp. She raised an eyebrow as he jumped back into her office, along with several huge lumps on his fore and to the crown of his head as a message not try to do that again.

Smiling threateningly, Tsuande raised her empty palm. "Next time, you go up. Then, I get creative."

Jiriaya shuddered and thought back in time to the time when they had been teenagers. Back when they had been real teenagers, not this image that she kept up to keep her appearance of youth. She had nearly killed him for peeping on her. He made a mental note not to try that again with her.

"Tsuande, I've been thinking about something."

She rolled her eyes. _He __**THOUGHT**__ about things?_ "What kind of things?"

"Well, frankly, about Naruto. Since the attack on the village, I've had a feeling that he's not really getting the training he needs here. I would be glad to take him off of your hands and train him myself."

Tsuande choked on her sake. Spitting it out in a mist, she replied, "Are you out of your mind?"

Jiriaya removed his polishing cloth from his pocket and wiped all of the sake from his face. "I mean," he said while thoroughly cleaning his eyebrows, "if you want me to."

She grinned. "That kid is a horror. It takes all of us to keep him in check. Do you really think that an old pervert like you could hold him back?"

"Trust me. I have a way. And in any case, I think that anything is better then him running around here, making this huge mess in his wake."

Tsuande sighed and emptied the bottle of sake. "Fine, he's yours. Do you have any idea when you're going to bring him back?"

"I'll bring him back when he's ready. I can't really say anything that's any more specific then that."

She nodded and he leaned in close-

**WHAM! SPLINTER! CRASH! CRASH! SHATTER! SPLASH!**

Jiriaya had still not learned his lesson. With a single kick to the chin, she sent him flying through the ceiling tiles, air ducts, support beams, and finally through the roof's ceramic shingles. She sat back down and pulled out another bottle of sake from a cabinet as he came pin wheeling back down to earth, this time landing in a fountain.

_Will that pervert ever learn his lesson?_

Author's Note:

Heyo. Whats cooking?

Anyway. Here's chapter I. Hopefully, its a little more amusing then the prolouge. I hate to bore the living soul out of you first, but the background must be set. Once i finish revising chapter II, then ill put it up. I'm not going to say when it's out. What i will say, is that it'll be out when i feel its ready and have enough feedback on the last episode. Anyway. The NaruHina parts will come somewhat later in the series. And here's what happened when i brought it up in front the cast earlier today.

Earlier today

Naruto: _What? Say what? Have you gone BAKA, you crazy old man?_

DDRMSTRPRO: _Baka? Speak english, for god's sake. And, yes. this is a NaruHina._

Naruto: _Why does everyone know whats going on here but me?_

Everyone sweatdropped at this point.

Sakura: _You are __**really**__ hopeless, Naruto. Didn't you hear anything that the author's been saying?_

DDRMSTPRO: Sigh. _I guess this is my fault. I never should have designed that bottomless bowl of ramen for him._

Sauske: _Man, you are a dobe, like Naruto here. __**WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HIM A BOTTOMLESS BOWL OF RAMEN?**_

Naruto: _MMM! RAMEN!_ _MAN, WHY CAN'T I STOP EATING? MMM! LETS HAVE A BOWL OF PORK AND BEEF RAMEN!_

Hinata: _Umm... Naruto-kun? Maybe you should listen to the kind man telling you. Maybe you should stop eating that ramen._

Naruto: _WHAT? ME, STOP EATING RAMEN? munch... munch... munch... MAN, I GOTTA SAY, I LOVE THIS STUFF ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU, HINATA!_

Hinata flushed cherry red and collapsed on the spot, a small trickle of spit landing on my lamp, shorting it out.

DDRMSTPRO: _Damn it! That's the fifth one she's ruined! Sigh. Will someone __**please**__ pick her up and put her on the couch? Anyway. Yeah, since i've got writer's block on my book, ill try my best to write one for each of you._

Sakura:_ Oh YEAH! (_Grabbing Sauske by the elbow) _CAN YOU TELL US THE PAIRS?_

Sauske: _LET GO OF ME!_

DDRMSTPRO: _First of all, Sakura. Let go of Sauske before i tase you. Two, im not sure if i will, since Timeless is scheduled and designed to go on for __**ALOT**__ longer. And three, if you try to attack me, i'll have to unleash my kick-ass side. I would hate to have to retreve your corpse from that creek over there. Or maybe i should, so that Me and Sauske can get a decent night's sleep without you attacking us._

Sakura: _You wouldn't dare._

DDRMSTPRO: _Try me._

Sakura: _..._

Sauske: _..._

Kakashi: _..._

Ino: _..._

Shikamaru: _..._

Jiriaya: ...

Tsuande: ...

Shino: ...

Kiba: ...

Lee: ...

Tenten: ...

Temari: ...

Neji: ...

Choiji: ...

Naruto:_ MUNCH. MUNCH. MUNCH_

Everyone face valuted again.

Master Chief: _Yo._

DDRMSTRPRO: _CHIEF! WHAT DID I SAY? I NEED THAT VIDEO BY TOMMOROW! AND I HAD BETTER NOT FIND ANY MORE PORN ON IT THIS TIME!_

Master Chief: _But arbitur is being a jackass!_

Arbiter: _Oh, you're so full of it._

Master Chief: _This is so ghey. Do you have any beer around here?_

DDRMSTRPRO: _CHIEF! GET BACK TO WORK! NOW!_

Master Chief and Arbiter: _Yes, sir. Straight away, sir._

DDRMSTRPRO: _Sigh_. _Anyway. So, yeah. Where was I? Oh, yes. Yeah, Timeless is a NaruHina. However, Sakura, there will be some SasuSaku in there. Along with some others. Two slots remain. There were three, but Sakura here applied for the first one the moment it came out._

Ino and Tenten squeal, but the all mighty DDRMSTRPRO ignores them.

DDRMSTRPRO: _Anyway. Tsuande. I've been meaning to give you this. _(Takes out bottle and hands it to Tsuande) _Here. Drink it. You'll feel better._

Tsuande pockets the bottle and DDRMSTRPRO gives Jiriaya the thumbs-up.

At this point, Hinata comes back around and Naruto drops the Ramen Bowl. Walking quickly over, Naruto pecks her on the cheek, which turns redder then a boiled lobster. She kisses him back.

DDRMSTRPRO: _How many times do i have to tell you? If you're going to do that, GET A GODDAMNED ROOM! _

Both look sheepish and climb the stairs to the guest bedroom.

DDRMSTRPRO: _Anyway, in order t-_

_**EAH! EAH! EAH! EAH!**_

DDRMSTRPRO looks up at the light next to the clock and sees that it's flashing red.

DDRMSTRPRO: _Goddamnit. Didn't i tell them to leave me alone? I'll be right back, guys._

DDRMSTRPRO climbs the stairs and opens the door. The desktop computer is on and Naruto is lying sweatdropped on the ground. Hinata looks scared in the corner. After using his amazing computer skills, he shuts down the alarm. He then notices the skewed antenna and the wires.

DDRMSTRPRO: _**Naruto! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TOUCHING THIS COMPUTER? YOU JUST BROKE MY EMERGENCY TRANCEIVER! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET EMERGENCY UPDATES NOW?**_

The people downstairs hear Naruto trying to say something, then a _Hhh-ack, _the sound of a body hitting the floor, and Hinata rushing over to see if Naruto was ok.

Hinata: _What did you do to him?_

DDRMSTRPRO: _Nothing Serious. _

Hinata: _He's lying on the floor! You call that not serious? I thought i knew you better, Xingster!_

DDRMSTRPRO: _How do you know my offical screenname?_

Hinata: _I... umm... picked it- Hhh-ack!_

DDRMSTRPRO walks back downstairs with the two lovebirds draped over one shoulder.

DDRMSTRPRO: _Hey, guys. Sorry to say this, but the meeting is over. Could you take these two lovers back to their homes?_

Everyone stands up and stretches, says farewells, and left.

DDRMSTRPRO: _Finally. Some peace and quiet._

Arbiter: _NO, chief! Xingster told you not to drink any more beer!_

Xingster: _**CHIEF!**_

Master Chief: _Arbitur made me!_

Now you know why I dont call meetings that often? That's a relatively tame one by most standards. Anyway, until next time. Reviews are highly recommended.

Xingster/DDRMSTRPRO


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter II: Departure and Disappearance

Naruto was wearing his penguin hat and pajamas when the alarm went off. He groaned and rolled over, slapped the alarm, and fell out of bed. However, he fell the wrong way, and found himself rapidly falling down to the pavement below.

BOOM!

In a huge cloud of dust, Naruto crashed into the sidewalk. Luckily, his thick skull stopped any major damage. He yawned and stood up, walked out of the crater and right into someone who knocked him over.

"Morning, Loser. What's wrong? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?

Before he could respond, Sauske walked on, smirking at Naruto. Naruto, on the other hand, walked back into his apartment and put the water on to boil for a cup of instant ramen. Yawning even bigger, he stripped off and took a shower, brushed his teeth, and then plunged his face into a bucket of ice water.

"AHHHHHHHH!"

Needless to say, he was awake.

"Wait a minute," he thought to himself. Was that?" Naruto shrugged, chalking it all up to a dream, and went on with life.

After pouring the hot water into the cup, he scrounged around his apartment for a set of clean clothes. Finding one that wasn't covered in blood or caked in mud, he wriggled into that and settled down to eat his morning ramen. He had a set diet, which was a cup of Shrimp Ramen in the morning, three cups of Beef Ramen during lunch, and five cups of Pork ramen at night.

After eating his fill, he jumped out the door, not bothering to lock it behind him. Nothing was valuable in there. Go on, take what you want. After breathing in the refreshing morning air, he jumped to the nearest building and started running to the spot where they met in the morning. However, no one was there. That was strange.

Usually, by the time he got here, Sakura and Sauske would both be here. Kakashi would be late, they all knew that. After a few minutes of waiting, Naruto heard footsteps behind him. Expecting to see Sakura, he turned around, but saw Jiriaya instead.

"Hey! Ero-Sennin! Why are you here so early in the morning? Shouldn't you be at the steam bath? You know, getting the _inspiration_ for your next book?"

"No time for jokes today, Naruto. We have somewhere to go."

Naruto's grin faded somewhat. "What do you mean? I'm supposed to be here, waiting for my team."

Jiriaya shook his head. "Not anymore, you're not. We need to see Tsunade. She'll explain there."

"Cool! Maybe Baa-chan has finally realized my power and gave me a mission harder then walking a dog!"

"Come on, then. Let's find out. Quit yapping and use that stuff between your ears for something other then tasting ramen."

After they got to the Hokage's office, Tsunade gestured them into chairs and told them to ignore the workmen repairing the holes in her office's floor and ceiling. Naruto shot a strange look at Jiriaya, but he ignored it.

"Naruto," She began, but he interrupted.

"Yeah, I know, Baa-Chan. You're going to send me on a good mission! You've finally seen what I can do!"

A vein twitched in her forehead. "If you call me Baa-Chan one more time, I'm going to liquefy your internal organs and drink them like the ramen broth that you enjoy so much every day."

"Ok, whatever, Baa-Chan."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, before you interrupted me, I was about to say that I am going to send you on a long term mission with Jiriaya here."

"Cool! What are we going to be doing? Killing someone?"

"No, far from it. This is a mission to get you better with your skills. This is a training mission. You're to go with him and only to return when he deems you ready to come back and show us your skills."

Naruto gritted his teeth but kept silent. Any time away from Sauske was good news. "When do we leave?"

"You will leave immediately. Jiriaya has been packing supplies for a while. The sooner you leave, the harder it will be for you to be tracked."

"But-"

"No buts, Naruto. My decision is final." She folded her arms and dared him to argue. Anyone with even a tiny amount of common sense would have known not to argue back, but it was in his blood.

"But-" he tried again. This time, Jiriaya covered his mouth with a massive hand and dragged him up out of his chair.

"We'll be on our way. See you in a while, Baa-Chan."

At this, Tsunade exploded and jumped after the two of them. Jiriaya sprinted out the door and took Naruto with him, who was flapping like a wind sock in a tornado in the slipstream left behind as they fled.

After putting six blocks between them and a shouting Tsunade, he put Naruto down and they resumed a more leisurely pace to the gates of the village. Along the way, Naruto bombarded him with questions, but Jiriaya told him to shut up and save his energy for later.

When they got to the village gates, Naruto saw that there were two enormous carts of supplies. Mostly things like spices and other dried food, through there was some grain scattered among them. Looking for any sign of ramen, Naruto came up empty.

"WHAT? NO RAMEN? DO YOU WANT ME TO STARVE TO DEATH?"

Jiriaya laughed. "We'll be making our own ramen. Now, let's go."

Naruto nodded and walked over to his cart and hefted it. Despite the fact that it had wheels, the thing still weighed a ton. He was just about to take off at top speed when Jiriaya tapped his shoulder.

Looking around for why they had stopped, he saw Hinata standing there, playing with her fingers as usual. When Naruto just gave a confused look, Jiriaya sighed and pushed him over there.

After coming to a halting stop in front of Hinata, who was flame-red by now, he rubbed the back of his head and grinned. "Hey, Hinata! I didn't really expect to see you here at this time of day. Why are you here?"

She blushed even deeper as she said, "I-I-I heard that y-y-you were g-g-going on a m-m-mission."

"You could say that, yeah."

"Wh-wh-when will you b-b-be ba-ba-back?

Jiriaya walked over. "That depends on him, young lady. We could be back in an hour, or never at all.

She squeaked at the prospect of never seeing _her _Naruto again. However, she maintained a semblance of composure. "I ha-ha-have a p-p-present for you, Na-Na-Naruto."

Hinata reached into one pocket and withdrew a red cloth, imbued with the leaf village's symbol. "Um… do you wa-wa-want me to t-t-tie it so-so-somewhere?"

Naruto looked over himself. "I guess…" He held out his left arm, and she stepped forward with trembling fingers and tied the cloth around his arm so that the symbol was visible.

After she finished, she started to sway, and Naruto looked as clueless as ever. With a final sigh, she passed out and leaned forward into him. With a confused expression on his face, he carried her over to a nearby bench. On a whim, he pulled off the necklace that Tsunade had given him and slipped it around her neck. Writing a brief note that he put in her hand, Naruto left and went back to Jiriaya, who shook his head but said, "Well, let's get going."

With the creak of wood, Jiriaya and Naruto pulled their carts out of the village and headed toward the distant mountains. Hinata woke up just in time for her to see them running into the sunrise. She stood shakily and waved a good-bye to them. It may have just been her, but she swore that Naruto waved back.

Little did she know at the time, this would be the last time she would see him for seven years.

Three Months Later

Tsunade was at her desk, being bombarded by paperwork as usual. It was another boring day. Since Naruto's departure nearly three months ago, the village had quieted down significantly. Without Jiriaya's daily peeks into the steam baths, the women slowly returned.

The Rookie Nine, with the exception of Naruto, of course, had passed the Chuunin exams with flying colors. However, something would come that day that would shatter the peace and give them a whole new set of fears.

Just before she snuck another swig of sake, a frog jumped in through her open window. She turned and took the message from its back, unrolled the scroll, then spat her mouthful of sake onto the frog, which croaked indignantly.

_Oh, no. How could this have happened?_

She quickly summoned everyone who knew Naruto on a close level. The Rookie Nine, Gui's team, Kakashi, and a few others were all invited. By the time everyone crammed into the room, it was uncomfortably crowded.

Kakashi, who was still reading 'Make Out Paradise' didn't really seem that concerned. "Hokage, why have you called all of us here?"

Tsunade, who was already in a bad mood, slapped the book out of his hands. "Quit reading that book! And in any case, that will be last one in the series."

Kakashi snorted. "That's hardly likely. This is the newest book, and it ends on a cliffhanger."

Tsunade shook her head. "No, you misunderstand me. There will be no more books for you perverts, since the author is now dead."

A second of stunned silence, then Kakashi and Hinata both started to sway and then passed out cold. Tsunade was not surprised. Kakashi was in love with those books and Hinata was in love with Naruto, who was with the late Jiriaya.

After they both came to, Tsunade began to read the letter.

_Baa-Chan_

_If you are reading this letter, then I am dead. I knew that my death would come soon, and I wanted to get as far away from the village as possible. Naruto is fine, so don't worry about him. However, he cannot return to the village until he finishes all of the tasks that I have set him to do._

_The time that he returns to the village is determined by him. All of the tasks that I have set him are within his power. I have also told him secrets that he will put to good use. Do not mourn me, do not mourn my memory. The world has enough sadness as it is. _

_Jiriaya_

_P.S. Tell Kakashi that I am sorry that he will not be able to find out how my books end. However, tell him that Naruto will bring back something when he does, if ever returns. _

Tsunade rolled up the scroll and handed it to the waiting people so that they could read the letter for themselves. She closed her eyes and thought, trying to repress her feelings. She had known Jiriaya for years. His death struck at her core, but there was still some hope. As long as Naruto was still alive, there was always hope.

Everyone was shocked at Jiriaya's death, as he had been one of the three legendary ninja. They were the best in the world. For one of them to be killed so easily… whoever did this had to exceedingly powerful.

With a sudden bang, Hinata rushed out the door, her eyes filled with tears. Everyone looked at each other, and Sakura ran after her. Everyone else just stayed where they were, with the exception of Kakashi. He was sniffling and wiped his nose with a tissue that he put behind his mask.

"There, there, Kakashi. You heard what Jiriaya said. Naruto will be fine."

"It's not that… I just really wanted to know how the series ended!"

Everyone face valuted at that. Tsunade was the first to recover and kicked him under the chin, the same way she had done with Jiriaya so many months earlier. With a resounding smack of flesh on mask, he went flying through the same hole that the workers had just finished patching up.

As Kakashi came back down, a wind started to blow, and it blew him ever farther from the fountain. With a resounding crash, he went through the ceiling of another establishment. He looked up to see two people looking at him with shock. He was in the kitchen on Ichiraku's ramen.

After a few seconds, Kakashi smelled something cooking. "Mmm… What's that flavor of ramen? Whatever it is, I have to get a bowl of it later."

The two people simply stared at him, and after a few seconds pointed to what he was sitting on. Kakashi looked down and saw that he was sitting on a lit stove.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

With a scream, he catapulted back through the ceiling and flew toward the fountain. From a distance, Kakashi could pass for a firework being fired off from cannon, albeit during the day.

Hinata cried as she ran to the training grounds. She knew that something was wrong when he had seen Naruto leave on his last mission. But she hadn't thought it would be the last time ever that she would see him…

When Sakura finally found her, she was sobbing into her hands, her entire body shaking from grief. Sakura sat down next to her and patted her shoulder.

"There, there. Naruto will be fine. He knows how to take care of himself."

Hinata slowly stopped crying, though she still shook. She reached into her jacket and pulled out a small necklace. Having nothing else to remember him by, she had taken to taking it around everywhere that she went.

Smiling, she looked Sakura in eye and nodded. "Thank you, Sakura."

Author's Note:

Heyo!

Hows everyone doing? if you live in the eastern US, then good luck with the massive cold snap.

Anyway, sentiment over.

Chapter II is up, (Duh) and hope you enjoy it. i mean, its only the beginning, so dont get anything up. the origional plot is next. i plan to have it up tommorow, providing my internet doesnt go down again. im currently working on chapter IV, so it should be up in less then a week.

Until then, this has been a Xingster/DDRMSTRPRO prodution.

Regards,

Xingster


	4. Chapter 3

I do not own Naruto. Do not bother asking. You do, i get writers block.

Chapter III

The snapping of twigs, the rustle of leaves, the scraping of shoes on rocks, and the heavy breathing of someone out of breath flowed smoothly through the forest.

A lone figure darted between the trees of the forest, making little more noise then a rabbit running from the hunting fox. Blackness swallowed the figure as dusk set in, and more darting figures surrounded where the first had gone.

As the night wore on, the sounds of a struggle could be heard. Swearing, screaming, and smacks were all audible as the combatants fought fiercely. Two hours later, when the sun was coming up, the sound of a thud resonated across the tranquil morning in the forest.

Hyuga Hinata was tied to a tree and eight men surrounded her, pointing and laughing. With a loud groan, she came around and saw the blurry shapes of men surrounding her. She realized that her mask was off and her weapons were at her feet.

One of the men pointed and said, "Well, look what we found in our forest? A lovely little girl. What would one such as you be doing here? Shouldn't you be in some home, being pampered by someone?"

Hinata spat at them. "LET ME GO!"

Another man spoke. "After all the trouble we just went through to capture you? I think not."

The first man spoke again, "Now, kindly tell us where you are from. If you do not, the consequences will not be pleasant…"

She spat again. "I won't tell you anything!"

The first man smiled and said, "You know, we were just going to kill you and make it quick. But now, since you won't say anything, I think it's only right that we reap the fruits of our labor."

Hinata realized what he meant and started screaming again.

"Go on, scream. No one can hear you. We are in a deep part of the woods. But trust me; you're going to like what we do to you."

Reaching out to touch her, he was less then an inch away from violating her breasts when a kunai whizzed between the two. Despite the fact that it had missed, it didn't stop the knife from turning around and sawing through his wrist. His hand dropped and it instantly caught fire, destroying any chance of reattachment.

The man howled and recoiled from the wound. Everyone looked around from where the kunai came from, but saw nobody on the ground. The next instinct is to look up, and look up they did.

Above them stood a tall youth who was wearing a dark green jacket, t-shirt, pants, boots, and sunglasses. He was well built and had dirty green hair that stood up in spikes all along his head. The kunai that he had thrown was being twirled on his index finger, and he looked angry.

"Who are you?" one of the men dared to ask.

The youth cocked his head to one side, as if considering whether or not the question was worth answering or not. "My name is not important. Now, leave the girl alone and walk away, and I won't have to kill all of you."

One man snarled and pulled out his own kunai. "You think we're going to obey some snot-nosed like you, kid?" He held the knife to Hinata's throat. "You back off, or the girl dies."

He sighed and vanished. The men relaxed, thinking that he was gone. However, in the span of half a second and eight blows, all of the men were out for the count. He walked over and cut Hinata free, who collapsed after her fight with the men last night.

After making sure she had no life-threatening injuries, the youth turned away, and that's when Hinata caught a flash of red on his otherwise green upper arm.

After noticing that fact, things just started falling into place. The spiky hair, the placement of the pouches, the way he walked, the way the kunai was twirled, all of it seemed so familiar to Hinata. And suddenly it clicked.

"Excuse me, sir?" she asked haltingly.

He stopped and tilted his head. "Yes?" He replied.

"I was wondering if I could have to honor of knowing your name."

The youth sighed again and turned around fully. "Like I said to those men, my name is of little consequence. It does not change who I am. If you do not have any further questions, I must go. I have many things on my time."

She bit her lip. He wouldn't tell her his name, but there was one more way to confirm who she thought this person was.

"Then, please. Tell me about that cloth on your shoulder."

With inscrutable eyes, he replied, "Why do you care?"

"It's just that the rest of your clothing is dark green, camouflage. But why do you carry that cloth on your shoulder."

He sighed and muttered, "Very well. I will tell you this. This cloth is the only thing that I carry on my person that shows where I came from. It was given to me by a person who I considered a dear friend, but now I just don't remember. In other words, I carry it as a memory, and like my name, it is of little consequence to my person."

Hinata rapidly linked up all of this with what she already knew. That last statement had locked in the truth to her. When you thought about it, everything fit just right. The cloth that she had given away was red. If you looked carefully, you could just make out a faint symbol.

"Naruto-kun… is it really you?"

The youth froze in place. Before she could draw another breath, his kunai was at her throat and she was in a headlock. "How do you know my name?"

She tried to speak out a response, but before she could start, his hand chopped her windpipe and she blacked out instantly.

He made a stretcher out of chakra and placed Hinata on it. Afterwards, he sat down and started talking to himself, or rather, what seemed like talking to himself to an outsider who was not familiar with him and his secret.

_Hey, Kyuubi, you lazy fox! Wake up! I have something to talk to you about._

Inside the bars of his cage, the nine-tailed demon fox stretched and yawned, showing massive teeth and a horrible smell.

_**Yeah, kid? What do you want? And I must tell you, I'm not giving chakra at the moment, so don't bother to ask. You know our agreement.**_

_She knows my name. How did that get out? I'm pretty sure that I haven't said it in these parts. Have you been babbling on one of your hunting trips?_

The fox snorted. _**As if I would. Remember, if your existence got out, Hunter-nin would be sent out, and I don't care how strong you claim to be, you can't be alert all of the time. If you get killed, I die; it's as simple as that. We affect each other. That's why I don't go tearing apart villages anymore. **_

Naruto flexed his hands and used some rope that he always kept in his pouch, tied Hinata up, gagged her, and slung her over his shoulder. _Yes, and look at I get in return, a better killer instinct and a liking for rabbit meat? I still think that mixing our charka was a bad idea, but since you __**INSISTED **__that we do so, I had to._

_**You didn't HAVE to, you know, so quit complaining.**_

_Well, it was either that or to have a voice nagging me inside my own head telling me bad stories and even worse jokes._

_**Oh, come on, they're not that bad… knock knock.**_

_Enough. Let's get back. I have to prepare the Kuchiyose no Jutsu that's going to let you go on your hunt. That takes a few minutes AND I'm starving for a good pot of beef ramen. Damn that Jiriaya, not bringing any instant ramen on this trip. And settling near a town that doesn't sell it… what was he thinking?_

_**Oh, yes, your hunger. I GET TO EAT WHAT I WANT ONCE A MONTH AND THE REST OF THE TIME I'M STUCK EATING WHAT YOU'RE EATING! AND ALMOST EVERY OTHER TIME, IT'S THAT DISGUSTING STUFF THAT YOU HUMANS TRY TO PASS FOR FOOD!**_

_Sheesh. Calm down. I would let you out more often, but I can't. We both know how much you eat every time I let you out. If I let you out more then once a month, then you're going to start attacking the local livestock. I try to eat as much meat as I can, but we only have a handful of animals._

Kyuubi rolled his eyes but didn't say anything else. What else was there to say? Every time that he went out, several dozen animals would die. Rabbits, badgers, and even deer were all fair game. It was only thanks to the fact that Naruto didn't let him out more that there was still game in the forests.

They leapt from tree to tree, slower then usual due to Hinata's weight. He stopped by a small brook, drank as much water as he could, splashed some on her face, and took the gag out of her mouth.

Hinata had trouble breathing as she slowly opened her eyes. She saw the man who had rescued her and then attacked her after she had said... Wait, what had she said?

"Alright, girl, it's time for you to talk. Who are you; where are you from, and how do you know my name?"

"Naruto-kun! You don't recognize me? What's happened to you?"

He sighed, put away his kunai, and pulled out a hilt that he lit with a blade with a whispered word. "Now, answer my questions or I'm going to have fun with this sword."

Holding back a tear, she said, "My name is Hyuga Hinata. I am from the village hidden in the leaves, also known as Konoha. I am here because-"

The man's eyes widened and he keeled over.

Hinata was shocked by his response. "Naruto-kun… wake up… wake up… please… Naruto-kun…"

He did not reply.

She was shocked, but tried to do a substitution jutsu so that she could get out of the ropes binding her. To her horror, she couldn't draw any chakra from within herself. When she tried to grab a kunai from her pouch, there were none left. She could only wait while she watched Naruto shake his head and move back into a sitting position.

"You are from Konoha?" he asked, his voice barely more then a whisper.

"Yes." She replied, almost as quietly.

"THEN YOU LIE!" Naruto roared, tears spilling down his face.

Bewildered, Hinata said, "No, it's the truth! I come from Konoha and I was sent to spy on the sound village…" She stopped when she saw that his hands had curled into fists. Why was that fact so disturbing to him?

Finally, after five minutes of staring into each other's eyes, he said in a slightly choked voice, "I know you lie because I saw with my own eyes, the destruction of Konoha. Now, tell me the truth. Where are you from? I can believe the fact that you were sent to spy on the sound village, but-"

"I am not lying. I am from Konoha."

"Prove it."

"Untie me, and I will."

"Fine, although, if you try to run, I will kill you without hesitation."

Hinata nodded and reached into her pocket and pulled out her forehead protector. There, imprinted in the metal, was the hidden leaf insignia. Naruto took one look that the symbol and keeled over again.

Inside Naruto's head:

_Kyuubi, do you know this girl?_

_**Yes, you idiot. Even I remember her.**_

_From where?_

_**I could tell you, but it would be easier to show you.**_

Flashback:

"_Hey, Hinata! I didn't really expect to see you here at this time of day. Why are you here?"_

_She blushed even deeper as she said, "I-I-I heard that y-y-you were g-g-going on a m-m-mission."_

"_You could say that, yeah."_

"_Wh-wh-when will you b-b-be ba-ba-back? _

_Jiriaya walked over. "That depends on him, young lady. We could be back in an hour, or never at all._

_She squeaked at the prospect of never seeing her Naruto again. However, she maintained a semblance of composure. "I ha-ha-have a p-p-present for you, Na-Na-Naruto."_

_Hinata reached into one pocket and withdrew a red cloth, imbued with the leaf village's symbol. "Um… do you wa-wa-want me to t-t-tie it so-so-somewhere?"_

_Naruto looked over himself. "I guess…"_

End flashback

_So that's how she knows my name… Kyuubi, you damn fox, why didn't you tell me who this girl was earlier?_

Kyuubi rolled his eyes again. _**Because, you moron, you wouldn't let me. But we still have to make sure that this is not an imposter. Remember, someone may have taken the headband of a Konoha Ninja and posed it as their own. We would have figured out an regular imposter by now, but thats not to say that someone with a high ammount of skill could mess with us.**_

_You don't have to remind me._

Naruto came back around and was still somewhat dazed. Hinata was splashing some water onto his forehead and was blushing slightly. He groaned and sat back up, rubbing his eyes. _Could this be true?_

"Hinata… is that really you?"

She blushed again. "Yes, it is."

Naruto sighed. He hated to do this, but it was necessary. "Prove it. Give me three good reasons why I should believe you."

She frowned. "Well, me recognizing that bandanna on your shoulder is one thing, but there is also this." She reached down her shirt and pulled out a necklace. The same necklace that she had worn for the last seven years. The same necklace that Naruto had left with her before he had left with Jiriaya all those years ago. The same necklace that she cherished more then any other of her possessions.

"That makes two. Do you have anything else to prove who you are?"

"Just one more." She whispered, and feeling reckless, hugged him. Hinata felt herself instantly go red and feel light headed. Within seconds, she was a red as the sunset and fell forward, passed out from the daring thing she had just done.

_**Yep, **_the fox observed, _**it's definitely her. No one else would even bother touching you before, except for maybe that ogre woman who would send you flying after one of your stupid comments.**_

_Oh, so you did like the nickname made by Konohamaru? I haven't seen him in so long. In fact, I haven't seen anyone in years. I think its time we returned, but I can't tell Hinata that. Sigh… this is going to be harder then I thought. When you locked that part of me away, I never thought that I would miss it…_

_**Listen to me, kid. If I hadn't locked that part of you away before you started training, it would have driven you insane. What you had to go through to unlock your abilities, even I don't like to think about. But if I unlock this, you will have to go back to your village. Are you sure about this?**_

_Hmm… on second thought, I think I could get a __**little**__ stronger while training out here. Come back to me in a month or two and we'll discuss it then. In the meantime, we need to get home. I don't know if hunter-nins are nearby, but I don't need them finding our sanctuary. _

Kyuubi rolled its eyes and fell back asleep, but Naruto knew that he agreed. Picking up Hinata gently, bridal style, now that he knew who she was, he leapt from tree to tree again, speeding their way home.

**(Half an hour later)**

Hinata shook her head and slowly opened her eyes. After dislodging the last of the buzzing from her ears, she looked around and saw that she was next to Naruto, who was scanning the horizons for…, something. What it was, she didn't know. But her movement must have alerted Naruto, who turned and smiled at her.

"Good to see you're awake. I was beginning to think that you would never wake up. I need to show you how to get into my home. I'm not there a good chunk of the time, so I don't want you locked out while I'm gone."

Hinata nodded and stood up, brushing the dirt from her clothes. Looking at Naruto from the corner of her eye, she marveled at how much he had changed in seven years.

He had grown, grown really tall. Easily six feet tall, he was well built. Not really bulky, but still strong-looking. His stance showed that he was ready to fight at any moment. His eyes were still as blue, if a bit lacking of the spark that was always there seven years ago. Apart from that and the hair, there wasn't really that much different about him. He still had the look of an overeager person, ready to fight at the smallest provocation from anyone else.

Making a rapid series of seals, he slammed his hand into a nearby pine tree. Instantly, the ground started shaking and a house rumbled into view. He motioned for Hinata to follow and went inside.

To say the place was a mess would have been a major understatement. It looked more like a storage shed then a place to live. Old bathtubs, toilets, bed frames, mattresses, sacks of unknown contents, and other junk littered the area. On top of all of that, a thick layer of dust had spread everywhere and mice could be heard scurrying around the moment they had entered.

"Umm… Naruto-kun… do you live HERE?" Hinata asked with some incredulity.

Naruto laughed and replied, "No, of course not. Even I wouldn't live in this kind of filth. This is merely the antechamber, the final barrier to the real house. Now, to get in here, you have to make the order of seals that I'll tell you in a second, think in your head, 'come forth' and slam your hand into that tree, kind of like you would do to summon something. The seals are Tiger, Dragon, Ox, Rat, Horse, Horse, Sheep, Dog, Monkey, and Tiger. Got that?"

He walked over to one of the bathtubs that was on its side and heaved it over with a groan of rusty hinges "Good. Now, to get into the house proper, you have to come over here and lift this bathtub, like so. After you get it up, just slap it again."

Naruto finished his explanation by forming the seals required, slamming his hand into the ground again, and fell into a deep shaft. Hinata could hear him yelling as he fell, "WOOHOO!"

Hinata smiled and repeated the seals and followed Naruto into the depths of the tunnel. After doing several major curves, she slid out and hit a cushion next to a couch. She straightened up and looked around, amazed by what she saw.

In stark contrast to the dust-filled rooms upstairs, this room was furnished, although it was clear it had been done by men. None of the chairs matched, the table had some small chunks missing from its legs, and the sofa looked a tad bit under stuffed. In any guy's eye, this would be the perfect home.

Naruto was already over in the kitchen, peering into a series of clay pots and swearing softly. Hinata walked over, marveling at the ceiling, which was carved out of solid marble.

"Naruto-kun… what's wrong?"

Naruto just grinned and rubbed the back of his head again. "Eh, nothing major. I'm out of water again. I don't have running water down here, so I have to go get it myself. There's a stream nearby which provides me with a lot of stuff. Scrap Metal, water, news of the world, stuff like that. I also installed a shower there, next to a waterfall. It doesn't have a curtain though, so keep an eye out peeping toms."

She blushed cherry at this, although Naruto didn't really seem to notice. _Still as clueless as ever, I guess. I'm glad that didn't change… although… if he's this dense, how could I ever… tell him?"_

Naruto didn't pay any attention to Hinata, instead motioning her toward the rest of his home. "Now, over there is the restroom with a flushing toilet. I installed it two years ago, but I only use it if I have to. Getting water down here is a pain. And over there," he pointed, "is my study. Jiriaya made me build one, so I've got a fireplace there, a wall bookshelf crammed full of books, and three armchairs. I don't know why he installed three of everything here, but I suppose he had a reason, eh?"

Hinata nodded, too nervous to speak. Even though she had grown bolder in the last seven years, it all seemed to go away when she was around Naruto. The house was indeed impressive. There were even gas burners and electricity. No doubt they were produced locally, as this house was totally isolated. The study was paneled with cherry and had an olden and modern feel to it, all at the same time.

"And over here," Naruto said, pointing, "Are the bedrooms. Luckily, Jiriaya had already built them, so I didn't have to carve them out of solid marble. Anyway, the one in the middle is mine, so take your pick of the other two. There's nothing really fancy inside, just a bed, nightstand, alarm clock, wardrobe, and a lamp. If you want anything else, just come with me when I go to the town next week. I'm due for my annual visit."

"Well, that pretty much covers it. Do you have any questions about the house?"

Hinata was still swallowing that such a thing could exist down here. "Umm… just one. H-h-how do yo-yo-you get food?"

Naruto barked out a laugh and replied, "That's a problem that the pervy sage and I figured out a long time ago." He walked over to some window boxes. "This started as one of my training, but it saved so much money and time, we just decided to make this our way of feeding ourselves. Now, what fruit would you like?"

Hinata blushed again; he was asking what she would like to eat? "Umm… I-I-I, umm… could I have a peach?"

"No problem. Now watch carefully." He walked over to a small tree and grabbed one of the branches. Closing his eyes, he focused his chakra- Hinata gasped at the amount available to him- and let it flow into the tree. In seconds, the small branch was bending under the weight of a fully ripened, juicy, and yet still crunchy peach. He pulled it off and walked over to Hinata and placed it in her hand.

"Try it. It's just as good a produce grown the old-fashioned way. It just grew a lot faster."

She blushed and took a cautious bite. The peach was delicious and juicy, like a peach would be at the peak of perfection. It was heaven to her mouth and to her empty stomach, which hadn't had anything to eat for the last day and a half.

Naruto had turned back to the boxes and right before her eyes, made several stalks of highly modified wheat grow in front of him. He used his finely controlled chakra and swiped all of the seeds off, put them in a small mill nearby, and motioned for her to come over to the bathroom.

She followed; still busy eating the peach as modestly as she could without showing her hunger.

Naruto nodded at the closet and said, "Go grab a towel and take a shower. There's a path that leads toward the waterfall. Don't worry, I won't peek on purpose." That statement made Hinata blush crimson again. "I'll be further downstream, refilling our water supply and catching fish. Don't worry about contaminating the water, it only takes five minutes and the fish will be fine. If you need help, just shout."

She nodded again and grabbed a towel from a rack inside. After making sure that it was clean, and it was, she asked. "Umm… N-N-Naruto-kun? How do you g-g-get out?"

He stopped while picking up a small pipe… "Hmm… I did forget to mention how to get out, didn't I? Well, if you follow me, I'll show you. Unless, of course, you want to stay here."

Before she could reply, Naruto jumped to a small door and opened it. After peering inside, he swore and stuck his hand inside. A moment and a blue flash of chakra later, the door opened to reveal a swirling vortex of green energy, supported between two crystal focusers and a rotating arm. The arm was keeping the chakra from clumping together and the crystal kept it from dissipating. An perfect portal.

At this point, Hinata was beyond speechless. Everything in this house was either crafted from or used chakra in some way. If she had tried to live here by herself, she wouldn't make it more then an hour in without collapsing from exhaustion.

"All you need to do is-" he said crouching slightly, "Hop in!"

With that last statement, he vanished with a soft _pop_. The portal jiggled slightly, like a fire in a calm wind, and then it settled back to its original spot.

Hinata grabbed onto to the door and hopped in. The next moment, she was sitting next to Naruto and a small brook. It gurgled gently as it ran by their spot, clear as crystal. Naruto was already busy rattling off a rapid series of hand signs but still managed to point her in the way of the waterfall.

She nodded and walked off, with him finishing the signs and pointing his finger at the pipe, which started to gurgle as it sucked up water.

_Naruto-kun has sure changed a lot in the last seven years. Then again, if I had spent seven years alone, I would be different as well._

Author's Note:

Yo. Whats cooking?

Yeah, you may have seen that i posted this a day early, or rather, three hours after i posted the last chapter. I've had these two chapters ready for days. The only thing that i was missing was the thing where people fall with their feet sticking up. I finally figured that out around six PM today, so ive got these two stories up. Chapter IV is about ~50% completed. Should be here in a few days, escpically with the long weekend.

Anyway, sorry about the characters being somewhat OOC. Remember, Naruto's been isolated for seven years with noone but Kyuubi for company, so expect him to act a little strangely. Hinata knew that he was fine, but after seven years? Imagine how you would feel. This series by itself will stand for some time, and im not even beginning to sctrach the plotline that ive got cooked up. I also plan to do at least one sequel. Im not promising anything, but if i dissappear for like, six months or something, its because ive got a major case of writer's block. Thats the main reason im here.

I started writing fanon again because i wanted to get around the writer's block on my book, but ive found it so enjoyable that ive decided to stick with it. Timeless was meant to be a one-shotter, but i just dont think that a one-shotter would have done my skills justice. But here we go, chapter III. i need to quit blabbing so much at the end.

With the best of regards,

Xingster


	5. Chapter 4

I do not own Naruto. or any other Manga/Anime for that matter. All i own is my mind and the book that I'm working on that will make a appearance later on in this series.

Chapter IV: Fishy Noodles

Naruto held on to the pipe tightly. That little monster sucked up enough water for a week in five minutes. At the size of a regular straw, that could be a bit hard to handle. He remembered with some amusement when he first tried this. The force of the water had actually sent him flying. Now, with just a little chakra focused on the bottom of his feet, holding him in place, he was stable from anything the little pipe could put up.

Exactly five minutes later, the pipe shut off and he slipped it back into his pocket with a sigh. Reenergizing the portal, pulling water, and training were too much to do for one day. Despite the fact that he was strong, he was still human. Kyuubi had also grown steadily more lazy in the last few years, and would only lend chakra if he was doing an intense workout or about to die. Or when he just plain felt like it. Great. Just great.

He took a quick look around, and when he didn't see or sense anyone nearby, stripped off and dove into the brook. Even though he had installed the shower, he rarely used it. It was too far off and he like this way better. It was more relaxing.

Making a series of rapid signs, ending with one of his own, a forbidden one that required massive amounts of chakra to perform, a single duplicate appeared. Both copies of himself surfaced at the same time, gasping for air. They both took a deep breath and started swimming around, looking for fish.

What Naruto had neglected to mention to Hinata was that this creek was very deep. Therefore, fish were easy to come by. It wasn't deep enough so that the bottom was all murky mud, but deep enough that it was possible to catch catfish every now and then. However, this was early in the season, and fish were still rare.

He dove in, along with his clone. They fought the current saw a handful of small fish swimming along beside them. But they were tiny; barely bigger then his index finger. They couldn't eat that. Heck, the only thing that could eat that would be the cat that hung around the entrance of his house.

They swam further upstream, surfacing every now and then to breathe. The clone had exactly the same eyesight as he did, but it could smell underwater, where he couldn't. However, what they had both forgotten was that Hinata was further upstream, taking a shower. They swam closer and closer…

Hinata was at the waterfall, but there was one more problem. She couldn't figure out how to turn the damn thing on. There were no knobs on the pipes, so she couldn't figure out how to get the water flowing. In fact, the shower wasn't so much in the waterfall, but behind it. The rapidly falling water was the perfect curtain from peeping eyes, or so she thought.

How wrong she was.

Hinata had just figured out how to turn on the water, by striking a certain part of the pipe with fine-tuned chakra from her palms. However, it wasn't perfect. The first time she hit the pipe, it resulting in her getting blasted by scalding hot water. The second time, she got hit by icy water. Finally, the third time, she hit it just right and warm water started to pour from the spigot.

She sighed and stepped into the flow of warm water, allowing it to relax her tense muscles and wash away the dirt that had built up on her. After everything had been washed off, she just sat there, enjoying the feeling. However…

_COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID FISH!_

Naruto and his clone had seen a very big fish swimming upstream, but they were having trouble catching it. Despite the fact that he had massive speed on land, swimming upstream against the current while trying to catch a very strong fish was still hard for him. If he had been thinking clearly, he would have just jumped out of the water and continued the pursuit on land, but he was too angry at the moment.

As the fish continued to swim upstream, Naruto could hear the faint roar of the waterfall. The fish here were special, as they could swim wherever there was water, and that included waterfalls. Well, damn. He had hoped not to use any more chakra then he had already that morning, but it looked like he didn't have much more of a choice.

He kicked furiously with his legs as he and his clone rapidly made seals, ending with another forbidden sign.

_Suiton: Aqua Tension no Jutsu!_

At once, both Narutos were streamlined and swam faster then ever before. However, this particular jutsu not only streamlined them, it allowed them to flow with the surface of water as if it was still flowing. In other words, he could now follow the plane of water wherever it went, and that included up and down the waterfall…

When the moment of exhaustion had passed, they both swam with renewed vigor after the fish. Seeing them come, the fish swam even faster and started to climb the waterfall. Naruto, having eyes for nothing except for the fish, plunged right after it, climbing the waterfall that hid the shower…

Hinata was just opening her eyes to allow them to get used to the light before she went back to Naruto's house when a silvery fish caught her attention. It wasn't so much as the fish was there, it was rather how it was swimming. Straight up the waterfall.

However, the bigger shock was about to come. The moment the fish left her field of view, she saw something that gave her a minor nosebleed.

Two Narutos were swimming up the waterfall after the fish, wearing only a pair of boxers. Their faces were curled back in a snarl of determination, the same one that had had made Hinata respect him so much in the first place. Now, however…

She blushed and turned away quickly, but not quickly enough. The image of Naruto wearing only a pair of boxers was burned into her memory. Now she would have dreams, updated dreams. For years, her dreams were of the twelve-year old and her, but now she was updated to a nineteen-year old.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the fish and Naruto went up and down the waterfall several more times, further reinforcing the image.

She was so busy staring that she forgot to cover up. When Naruto finally caught the fish on their seventh try, he gave his trademark foxy grin and relaxed his neck, allowing him to look straight… and right at Hinata in the tub.

His eyes remained locked for a few seconds, and then blood started flowing in massive proportions from his nose. When he shut his eyes, Hinata passed out cold and fell backwards. Luckily the towel covered her… assets. Naruto, however, wasn't quite so lucky as to get off that easily.

When he squeezed shut his eyes, the Jutsu automatically cut itself off and he fell forward. When he tried to stop the bleeding, he let go of the fish, which shot up toward the top of the river, scared out of its mind. Naruto and his clone fell with a crash and landed with a massive crash right in front of the tub.

In the span of three seconds, both Naruto and Hinata were out cold. Hinata from embarrassment, Naruto from seeing her embarrassment and hitting his head on the hard cold ground behind the waterfall.

Hinata recovered first. She woke up, naked except for a towel covering her form. After making sure nothing was broken, she tied the towel around herself and stood up. What she saw nearly madder her pass out again.

Two Narutos were on the ground, hands splayed in front of them. Wearing only their boxers, it would have been enough to make any other girl to have a massive nosebleed right there and then, but she had more control over herself… or, rather, she thought she did.

After a second of staring, the faucet in her nose turned on again and blood began gushing out. Some of it landed on the heads of the inert Narutos, who woke up groggily. They shook their heads to dislodge the drops of blood in their hair and looked up, wary of a repeat of the previous sight.

However, there was no danger of that. She had covered herself very thoroughly and was busy washing the blood off herself. He stood up and Naruto directed his clone to follow that fish and bring it back. With a nod, it turned and plunged back into the waterfall, fighting the current to the top and after the fish.

To say that Hinata was red would have been completely missing the point. To say that he looked like she had just spent two days on the beach would still be not enough. It would barely be enough to say that she looked like a lobster that had just gone though a seven-hour steaming.

Naruto was also embarrassed, but he was dense enough that he could hide most of it. He would forget everything he saw in about five minutes, at any rate. His mind was so tuned toward training and eating that anything else would quickly fade from his memory.

"Umm… Hinata? Why are you so red?"

Hinata looked like she had just seen him go mad. "N-N-Naruto-Kun? Don't you r-r-remember anyt-t-thing?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head, confused. "Remember… what? I think you might have caught a cold. Let's get back."

At that point, the clone spun back into the cave, the flopping fish in his hands, a disgusted look on his face and scales all over itself. The clone dropped the fish at his feet and jumped back into the waterfall, determined to get away from Naruto for a while.

Naruto just grinned; kneeled next to the fish, hit it with a simple immobilization jutsu, and picked up the inert fish. He looked over at Hinata, who was still clutching the towel like a lifeline, chuckled, and said, "Come on, I think Jiriaya had some stuff stashed away. Let's go see if any of it fits you."

Hinata nodded, still red in the face. _Was it possible that Naruto was even denser then he was before?_ She began twiddling her fingers, one of her old habits. She watched as Naruto raised his hands and the waterfall split like an arch above his hands. He looked back and gestured for her to follow, grinning like a fox again.

Naruto charged off into the forest, trying to get the fish back before it started smelling. However, halfway back, his jutsu wore off and the fish flopped back into the creek and swam downstream as quickly as it could manage.

Naruto sighed, dove back into the water to get all of the scales off of him, then leapt back onto the bank, shaking his head like a dog and spraying everything around him. That included Hinata, who turned red and started playing with her fingers again.

Naruto shook his head again and grumbled about slippery fish before turning back to Hinata with a foxy grin and saying, "Never mind then. I guess we'll just have to make do with the canned Miso and the salted pork. Just be careful what you eat, not everything that I make is eatable by most other humans."

She nodded, still red in the face after seeing Naruto shaking himself all over to get the water off. Trying not to imagine what he looked like underneath those boxers of his, she followed him back to the pine tree and dropped back into his home.

When Hinata stood up, the water was already boiling and the uncooked ramen was just sitting there. Naruto rummaged in a cupboard and pulled out a small bag and a small can, which he threw to the counter, and which point a series of knives and a can opener started working themselves.

Hinata just watched in amazement as Naruto kicked the door close and held out another small bag. When she looked inside, the smell of dry tea invaded her senses. She realized that he never drank that stuff and it had been sitting there for a special occasion. Out here, far away from a major village like Konoha or the land of tea, tea would be very expensive, even when available.

Naruto grinned at her and threw the pouch over to the counter as well. The moment that the bag hit, two teacups emerged and some of the boiling water was siphoned from the pot. As she watched, the two cups were floated over to them, water still steaming from the recent heating.

The cup wasn't the only thing that was hot though. Naruto's grin faded as he caught sight of her face, which was red as an apple. Hinata took deep breaths and sipped some of her tea to try to calm herself down. That didn't really work too well, since the hot liquid only made her heat up even more.

Naruto, however, was busy with making the ramen. He took the dough, put it in a machine that flattened it, and cut it up with a kunai. He put the sliced noodles in the water and added pre-made broth from a package. He dumped in the pork and the miso, slammed the lid on, and let it simmer.

By this time, Hinata had taken her cup of tea over to the table and sat down in the sturdiest chair. She sipped the hot liquid, trying to untie the knot in her stomach that formed whenever she looked at Naruto. It was futile, however. If anything, it made it worse, since the tea had been prepared by Naruto.

Naruto was too busy to notice this, however. Two of the blades, a Meat Cleaver and the Kunai used to cut the noodles were hacking at each other. Apparently, Naruto had lost control of the restraint of both blades. He grabbed both of the hilts, and after some major wrestling, shoved both back into their holders and sealed them inside.

Naruto then turned to the cutting board, which was busy cutting up fresh vegetables from his garden boxes. He scooped them up and dropped them into the pot, which was at a rolling boil again. After making sure the two blades were still secure, he dug two large, clean bowls out of somewhere.

After making sure that the ramen was indeed cooked through by tasting a good third of the pot, he scooped out a decent amount of ramen and put it into Hinata's bowl. This he served, along with a pair of chopsticks that he had dug out of a drawer. Naruto turned back to the pot and rummaged at the bottom of the sink for a moment, pulling out a bowl half the size of his bed.

He ran it with water once to get all of the stuff from the last meal off of it, carried it over to the pot, and poured the contents out into it. He then pulled out a series of other pots from under the stove and poured the contents in as well. Before long, the bowl, if you could call it that, was filled to the brim.

It was so full that Naruto had trouble carrying it over to the table. With an almighty crash, the ramen container landed on the table, shaking the floor and making the table groan in protest. Naruto kicked it and sat down. With an almighty sniff of the scent, he half-yelled, "Itadakimasu!" and dug into his ramen bowl.

Hinata blushed again and said quietly, "Umm, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto looked up from his steaming lake of ramen just long enough to glance at her. "Yesh? Ded you kneed somefing?"

Hinata turned sunset red again. "I don't have any clothes on… I'm still wearing the towel…"

Naruto swallowed the mouthful of ramen he had been chewing, a feat upon itself, and stood up. "Well, let's change that, shall we? Though it's not too bad as is…"

Hinata turned purple from the amount of blood in her face and started to sway in her seat. Naruto had the sense to rush over to stop her from passing out again.

With another foxy grin, he pushed open the door to what used to be Jiriaya's bedroom. It was just as messy as it was the day he had last set foot in it. That was hardly surprising, since he had never set foot in the place since the day of Jiriaya's death. However, this was something special.

Naruto sighed and leaned up against the wall. It had been too long since Jiriaya's death. He still dwelled on it sometimes, even thought it wasn't in his nindo to do so. He remembered all of the time that they spent together, the days spent training next to the waterfall before the third test of the chuunin exams, the time he had been pushed off the cliff, and even the time where he had been caught peeking by Tsuande after they had gotten back to the village.

Naruto sighed again and started rooting around in the closet. In the years that had passed since the primary resident of the room died, spiders and small mice had claimed the lower parts of storage hall for themselves. He had to be careful not to be bitten by the mice as he extracted a set of undergarments, a top, a pair of shorts, and socks. Everything looked as though it would fit properly.

Naruto grinned again, his prankster side emerging. Despite all those years of extreme training, he still had a huge urge to perform pranks whenever possible. Not that he could really pull them on himself or his clones, and Kyuubi really wasn't in the mood for that sort of thing, so half the deer around here were walking around with a orange antler or two, the fish had almost no scales left, and all of the rabbits were painted to look like retarded grey foxes. (Kyuubi had really lost his temper with that last one)

He walked back into the dining area, handed the clothes to Hinata, who was blushing and said, "I picked those out for a reason. If you'll look closely at the panties and bra…" he pointed at the appropriate garments, "The middle matches your hair and the borders match your eyes."

Hinata turned redder then ever as she accepted the clothes from Naruto with a murmured word of thanks. She walked into the space that he had just vacated and started to dress herself. The clothes were a perfect fit; it was obvious that Naruto had been working on more then his jutsu in the last seven years.

Naruto, however, just chuckled and made a series of rapid hand seals before returning to his boatload of ramen. He picked up his chopsticks and dug eagerly into the meal again, ready to replenish his energy reserves after that morning's training. He had just swallowed another mouthful of ramen when a voice broke out in his head.

_**Kid… when are you going to let me out?**_

_Oh, right. I did promise… didn't I?_

Kyuubi didn't bother to respond, just growled and shook his head.

_Well, alright. Don't get your tails in a knot. Let me just do the seals and I'll let you out for a bit. _

_**It's about time.**_

Naruto regretfully leaned away from his ramen and stood up. He bit his thumb to draw blood, as he would for a normal summoning, but the hand seals required for such a powerful summoning meant that he had to do many more seals to prevent draining too much of his chakra. He could summon Kyuubi directly without the use of his seals, but it would drain almost all of his considerable chakra supply to pull off such a feat.

However, if he went though the seal process, it would cut the amount of chakra used a hundredfold. Despite the fact that he could easily let the Kyuubi out every day, he chose not to simply because of how much it ate. Besides, making all of those seals every day would grow tiresome after a while.

Stopping on the last sign, a forbidden one, he slammed his hand into the ground and whispered, so Hinata wouldn't hear in the next room, "_Demon Summoning no Jutsu_!"

There was a cloud of smoke which quickly dissipated, and in the spot where Naruto had placed his hand was a small red fox. Technically, Kyuubi could manifest himself in any type of fox, including his past self, if he cared give Naruto enough chakra to do so. The first time he had come out, Naruto had given him too much chakra and he wound up the size of a large deer.

Needless to say, Naruto kept a careful eye on how much chakra he put into the jutsu now. He did _not_ need Kyuubi losing control and attacking another village. In his current size, even if he tried to run away and attack someone, he would have about two hours at best. When those two hours were up, the Jutsu would break and he would be returned to his cage within Naruto.

Kyuubi shook himself once to make sure he was all here, then took off and dove through the portal, desperate for some rabbit to sate his hunger. Naruto grinned and went back to his ramen. He would be back soon, and despite having fun with the fox's sense of humor, it was nice to have his thoughts for his own, at least for a while.

Naruto looked up and saw Hinata coming out of the bedroom. He turned red and choked on his ramen.

"Hinata! You're… naked!"

Author's Note:

Heyo!

Sorry about the late update, everyone. I've been kinda busy with school and all.

Not only that, but writer's block seems to be spreading at the speed of light. i cant seem to shake it off and now this project is tainted with it. ill make my best effort to publish on a timely fashion, but thats no guarentee. However, reviews dont hurt. It helps to know that im actually writing for people who will read it.

As mentioned at the top, im writing a book. Some of the characters and their stuff will appear later on in the series, along with a majorly powerful enemy.

Yep, i said it. Now you just have to know what happens in between.

Anyway, i was talking to the cast again yesterday, and this is what they have to say.

_**The Day Before Today**_

Xingster: _Alright, everyone. Lets try not to pass out or break any more of my stuff today. _

Hinata: _G-G-Gomen. _

Ino: _Hey, forehead girl, what are you doing here?_

Sakura: _What do you mean, __**should i be here?**__ You havent even made an appearance in this series yet!_

Xingster: _For once, i have to agree with her. __**Why **__are you here?_

Ino: _How dare you! Mind Transfer no Jutsu!_

Xingster yawns and transforms into his armor, deflecting the jutsu into his fishtank. Ino possesses one of the goldfish.

Xingster: _You were saying?_

Ino-fish: Blurb! Blurb! Blurb!

Xingster: Sigh. _Hey, neji. Could you open the door?_

Neji opens the door and Xingster throws Ino out of it. The fish she was possessing returns to normal and she can be heard cursing outside.

Xingster: _Anyway, as i was saying. The fluff isnt due for a while. Thanks to my current state of mind, i can barely come up with humor. _

Lee: _But could you not just change that? After all, the power of youth burns within you!_

Xingster: _If only that were possible. Dont let my appearance fool you. Its not the years, its the mileage that ive got. Let's just say that ive seen enough to make me a fifty year old man._

Naruto: _Just how old are you, grandpa?_

Xingster: _Well, thats a difficult question to answer. My physical appearance makes me look like around your age. My body's systems, however, put me in my mid-forties, and my mental and emotional stability put me in my later eighties. That balances to around forty or fifty years. But for the sake of your mind, just call me a teenager._

Shikamaru: _So, just call you around our age?_

Xingster: _Yeah, that sounds about right. Anyway, everyone have your parts somewhat down for the next episode. Right now, thats just Hinata and Naruto._ Nods at the two. _But the rest of you should have your parts down by the time i get to you, since you've had so much extra time to do so. Nine o clock, here, tommorow. Now, i need to talk to my video production crew about a possible upcoming AMV. I'll see you guys tommorow, and __**bring your own lunches!**__ i cant afford to feed all of you again. No offense, Chouji, but you eat more then i do._

Everyone stands up and stretches. Says their goodbyes and walks out. Xingster closes the front door while chuckling at the ammout of slipping and falling outside due to the ice storm that put an inch of ice on the ground outside. Walks upstairs ans starts talking to Master chief, the Arbiter, and Snake about a good video production.

End transcript

Well, there you have it. Pay attention to what i say in these, because techinally, they're just a add-on the story, so they could have some truth in what they say.

Until next time,

Xingster

Signing off.

P.S. Naruto needs to eat less ramen, but i hate to torture the guy.

Review plz.


	6. Chapter 5

I do not own Naruto. Anyone who asks will be given a present of flamethrowers.

Chapter V: Demonstrations

Hinata looked down at herself and saw to her dismay that Naruto was right. She did have nothing on. But how could this be? She remembered pulling on the soft undergarments after his remark about them… unless… "Release!"

Instantly, the Henge was dispelled and she was wearing clothes. Strange, though. Normally, henges could be seen through with her Byakugan. What was stranger was that Naruto had been able to put it on someone else and from a distance. That feat in itself should have been impossible without her noticing.

Still as red as a tomato, she sat down in front of her bowl of ramen and took some of the noodles in her chopsticks, blew gently, and ate them. It was great, well, for a guy cooking, in any case. While it couldn't hold a flame to Ichiraku's ramen, he fed himself surprisingly well out here.

Naruto was still chuckling into his mass of ramen when she looked up and put her chopsticks down. Strange as it was, he had seen her naked now, two times in one day. Yet on both occasions, he hadn't acted that far out of the ordinary. The first time he was probably just tired from chasing that fish around. But the second time all that happened was that he choked and spluttered through his mouthful of food. It was as if he hadn't seen anything.

"Umm… N-Naruto-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"Umm, e-earlier today, w-while w-we at the w-waterfall, umm, did y-you see a-anything unusual?"

Naruto considered the question. What had he seen earlier? "Well, the fish here all have the ability to follow water wherever it goes. That's not really unusual anymore. It was a huge shocker the first time and I smacked right into that ledge of rock. It left me with a cut that took three days to stop hurting."

Hinata turned red, bit her lip, but kept on nodding. So Naruto hadn't noticed. That nosebleed must have just been a natural reaction. Or his fall to the ground had caused him a case of amnesia, and he forgot everything right before he fell. Either way, she was glad that of that fact. But what about the second time?

"N-N-Naruto-kun?"

This time, Naruto didn't respond straightaway. It wasn't hard to see why, as he had crammed his mouth full of the stuff. He chewed as fast as he could, getting the hot noodles down his throat in five seconds. "Yeah, Hinata?"

"W-W-What was t-t-that jutsu that y-y-you used just n-n-now?"

Naruto laughed and slapped the table. "Ah, well. During my training, the pervy sage had me learn some really… well, perverted techniques. They put my 'Oiroke no Jutsu' to shame, but that's a modified version of one he would use all the time. He would strip a woman down, and they wouldn't ever notice. I took it and modified it so that you could see yourself, but I couldn't. It would be a great laugh at parties."

Hinata blinked. "Parties?"

Naruto nodded again and replied, "Yeah, parties. The pervy sage used to go on them all the time and he would use the original form of that technique. Perverted to the very end, I guess. The last thing he did was ask me to finish the last book in his series. Anyway, he would drag me along with him to his 'parties' and I would have to buy him drinks while he got more drunk and spent nights at the hotel. One night, he went about his usual route, and I never saw him again. He just up and disappeared. I got a message via Gamakichi-"

"Gamakichi?" Hinata interrupted, but then blushed crimson as Naruto looked up from his ramen.

"Yeah, Gamakichi. He's a toad, and I can summon him. He's not that big, but he's still handy. Normally, all he does is come over to talk, but when he brings his brother, Gamatatsu, this place turns into a mad house. They bring tons of sake and get drunk, throw up, and when a toad throws up… yuck… Anyway, Gamakichi brought me a letter a month after Jiriaya went missing. He told me what he wanted me to do before I left for Konoha, and I have just a few things left. I would have been back two years ago if it wasn't for the fact that I ran into Itachi. He told me that Konoha was destroyed after we fought and destroyed the better part of a mountain."

Hinata just watched with her mouth trembling. She couldn't even begin to imagine how that would feel. Not seeing your friends for years and then getting told that there was nothing left to go back to. It was no wonder that he had developed this mask that he liked to hide behind.

Naruto, however, wasn't one to be stopped. Now that he had started, he wanted to get it all out. It was like a poison had infected him for these last few years, and the only antidote was by talking, by getting all of it out. "After he told me that and showed me what I thought was proof, so I kinda went crazy. Well, I say kinda. The local wildlife still won't let me anywhere near them without a fight."

As soon as Naruto finished, his shoulders rose and sank in a gigantic sigh. Hinata noticed this and frowned internally. Naruto was never one to give up. Something else had gotten to him, and it wasn't the destruction of Konoha. She felt like enveloping him in a hug, but she wouldn't risk passing out again. Instead, and despite her internal voice nagging at her to do so, she just sat, staring at her bowl of cooling ramen.

Naruto, however, was past dwelling on such topics. He took another deep whiff of the ramen sitting in front of him and started tearing into it again.

Hinata finally got the courage to look up at him and asked quietly, "W-W-What were you g-g-going to do?"

Naruto looked up from his food again, a stray noodle dangling out of his mouth, which he slowly slurped up before answering. "That's a really good question. Well, first of all, I was going to go to the sound village and tear apart Orochimaru to get revenge any maybe get Sauske back, that is, if it wasn't too late. After that workout, I would have gone to find Gaara at his village… maybe work as a mercenary from there on out…" He trailed off, his story reduced to mumbling below his breath. Hinata distinctly caught the words 'tear', 'demon', 'show', 'boss', and 'bastards'.

After Naruto's words had died down and he was attacking his ramen again, Hinata half-whispered, "W-W-What are y-y-you going to do n-n-now?"

Naruto looked from his food again, this time chewing on a piece of pork. He swallowed slowly before replying, "Well, Jiriaya left me some of his research, and I've been looking into it. Ever heard of an organization called Akatsuki? No? I didn't think so… Anyway, they've been capturing spirits for years. Remember the Nine-tailed fox that attacked Konoha, nearly twenty years ago?"

Hinata nodded, food forgotten in Naruto's story.

"Well, that's one of the major spirits. All of the spirits are made of chakra, it just so happens that the Nine Bijuu contain unimaginable power. Any person or group of people who could gather them could feasibly rule the world. However, they have a different target. While they could rule the world, why settle for just this world? Jiriaya found traces of power that are even greater then the nine Bijuu combined."

Hinata felt her jaw drop slightly. One Bijuu, the Nine-tailed fox, had almost destroyed Konoha. Something that was more powerful then nine of them combined could destroy this planet without even thinking. But something that powerful couldn't exist could it? If it did, why hadn't anyone ever noticed it before? It couldn't exist, it didn't exist… but then why was Naruto just looking at her as if he knew what she was thinking?

Naruto sighed, pushed away his unfinished ramen, and stood up. He walked over to the study, propped the door open and snatched up a yellowed scroll from the table. He walked back over to Hinata and handed her the scroll, which she opened and read it curiously.

It read:

_The nine Bijuu are famous for the amount of destruction that they have caused the world. However, what is less known to the world is that they are part of this world. Their powers are similar, but there is enough difference between every one to defeat their lower tailed siblings. In essence, they are very large concentrations of chakra that have developed physical beings and the ability to use jutsu. The Bijuu, or demons, have their own bloodline, which is one of dangerous origin. No human has ever seen the jutsu and come out alive, but legend has it that the demon unleashes their inner reserves, reverting to their original state temporarily, destroying everything in their path._

_Despite the power of the Bijuu, they are not invincible. Bijuu can be, and have been sealed within humans, known as Jinchuirki. However, they can be sealed within inanimate objects with only limited success. Only the One-Tailed Spirit, Shukaku, has been temporarily suppressed within such an object. He has sense been resealed within a more permanent vessel, specifically a human._

_However, from what we have been able to translate of demon folklore, there is a Bijuu that exceeds the strength of all of the nine Bijuu combined. However, while each of the nine Bijuu have been seen and sealed away, there have been no sightings of such a being. It is said, however, that this beast can shatter entire worlds with their anger. Even the nine-tailed fox could only do superficial damage to the planet's surface._

_This legendary being has been revered and feared by Bijuu for thousands of years. This being cannot be sealed within a human being, as its power would quickly cause any Funinjutsu to shatter and would consume the human almost instantly. It is also said that this being is not humanoid in nature. The demons simply refer to it as the._

The scroll stopped right there. There was no more, except for a small tear and what looked like age-old blood on the visible corner. Hinata rolled the scroll up and handed it back to Naruto, who tossed it back onto the desk. Without a further word, he sat back down in front of his food, pulled his bowl toward him, and started eating more ramen, if in a more humanly method.

She sat back down in front of her own bowl, her hunger forgotten. According to the scroll, even the Nine-tailed beast even feared something. While it was good to know that it wasn't invincible, and that even it had something more powerful. What scared _her_ was that the blasted fox would be scared of something. She didn't even want to comprehend the amount of power it would have to contain.

Hinata's thoughts were interrupted by a very loud slurping sound. When she raised her eyes to see what was making it, she only saw the bottom of Naruto's bowl and the bottom of his chin and his Adam's Apple, which was bobbing up and down faster then a yo-yo doing tricks.

Before long, Naruto had set the bowl back down and jumped up, refueled and ready to go. He stretched, popped his knuckles, grinned to himself, and charged right into the teleporter, ready to go train again. Despite all the grim news that he had just hit Hinata with, he was just going to go off and practice.

She sighed and played with her food, not really hungry anymore. _What was the thing that the Bijuu feared so much?_

Naruto had just gotten to the creek when a kunai whizzed out of the shrubbery. He did a back flip and threw one of his own kunai back at the target hidden in the bushes. With a rustle, the ninja moved out of the brush and threw more kunai and shuriken at him. Naruto simply jumped out of the weapons' path.

With a rustle, the opposing ninja started making seals. Not to be outdone, Naruto started making his own jutsu, ready to counter anything that was coming his way. However, he was not expecting the attack when it came.

"_Water style; Water Dragon no Jutsu!"_

_Well, isn't this just great; Zabuza's old jutsu. Where did this joker learn it? Ah well, let's just get this over with._ He thought as he gripped the hilt of his sword and activated it with a flick of his wrist. He then charged the water dragon head-on, blade raised in challenge.

As soon as the blade came into contact with the dragon, the water lost its cohesion and fell to the ground, splashing Naruto. When the attacker saw that his jutsu had failed, he rapidly started to make seals for a new one. This one would have more chakra and would not be able to be stopped by his sword… however; his sword wasn't his only weapon.

Naruto extended his left hand and formed a Rasengan, lacing it with wind chakra. There was really no point in using the Rasenshuriken on a ninja of this level. The early prototype form would be more then enough to stop this joker in his tracks. He raised the spiraling ball of energy and blocked it off with another section of chakra and threw it like a baseball at the enemy ninja, who had just finished making seals and shouted, "_Fire style; Dragon Fireball no Jutsu!"_

Naruto watched in some amusement as his Rasengan was swallowed up whole by the enormous fireball. It was, however, enough to stop both jutsus. The fireball shrank and fizzled out, while his own attack simply dissipated into thin air. Naruto shook his head. The guy wasn't that bad. He could use this for his afternoon training.

Or, rather, he could have, if Hinata hadn't walked out of the teleporter at that very second, startling Naruto. Fuck, now he had to protect her from the attacks.

He raised his hands and put them in a cross, like he had done many thousands of times. "_Shadow Clone no Jutsu!_" Instantly, seven clones of Naruto appeared, all holding a chakra blade. They all jumped into the air and landed in a different order, effectively scrambling them. With a flourish, all of them charged and started slashing at the ninja, who drew his own katana and started fighting off the Narutos surrounding him.

Naruto was impressed that the blade didn't break. After all, very few things could go up against pure chakra and come out intact. That included him. He was also surprised at the level of skill that his opponent had. One of the things that he had pushed himself to do during his training was to master his chakra blade. He was obviously having major trouble going up against what was undoubtedly a master of the blade.

Just as the enemy ninja slashed through two of Naruto's clones without evident effort, he grew suspicious of where the real one was. After it was just down to two clones, as the enemy swordsman had dispatched the others without trouble, he raised his sword and shouted, "_Fire style: Meteorite Smash no Jutsu!_"

The blade glowed cherry hot and emitted rings of orange chakra, striking both Narutos in the chest. One poofed from existence as it was overloaded. The other was forced back with a deep gash in his chest that spurted blood all over the place. Naruto collapsed, as the blood started to fill his lungs, rendering him unable to breathe.

The other ninja smiled and turned away from Naruto, focusing on Hinata instead. She didn't have any of her equipment, and she wasn't dressed for battle. She didn't even have shoes on. For once, she just looked like a helpless teenage girl, which she wasn't. He advanced on her, sheathing his sword in the process and started making seals, grinning in a perverted way that would make Jiriaya proud.

Hinata backed off toward the still figure of Naruto, whose blood was staining the ground red. She bit back a sob, knowing that she could help Naruto if she could just get to him. But the man in front of her wasn't going to let her help Naruto, so she had to fight.

The man had just closed within twenty feet of Hinata when the ground moved slightly below him. He frowned and reached for his blade, not bothering to jump.

A very bad mistake, he realized later on.

Naruto popped out of the ground with his chakra blade in his hand, slashing upward and yelling all the while, "_Ramen Uppercut!_"

At first glance, it seemed as though Naruto had missed his target, even though it looked like he had been hit head-on. The Ninja first noticed something was wrong when he pulled out his blade, which was now a six-inch stub of metal. Then realization hit him, and he split in half, perfectly cut down the middle. Not one drop of blood was spilled as the man collapsed in half, one of each falling to either side.

The fight was over.

Naruto walked over to his fallen form on the ground and placed a hand to its forehead. A stream of blue chakra flowed out of his palm and into the clone, which immediately started to heal. In less then ten seconds, Naruto had pulled his clone up and it had jumped back off into the forest, looking for somewhere to wash the blood off.

He straightened up and walked over to Hinata, who was still staring at the remains of the enemy ninja whom she thought had killed her Naruto just seconds ago. Naruto followed her eyes until they hit the body. He frowned and made another series of rapid seals, ending with dragon.

"_Earth style: Black Swamp no Jutsu!_"

Almost immediately, a small swamp emerged and pulled the remains below ground with them. A fine burial for an enemy of Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto shivered then, since he had used a jutsu that wasn't one of his affinities. Despite the amount of chakra that he had, it was still hard for him to use elemental chakra that wasn't his own.

Naruto turned away from the spot where the body had disappeared underground and turned back to Hinata. She was still staring at the spot where the enemy ninja was, as if she could still see him without the use of her Byakugan. Her eyes were still wide at the efficiency with which Naruto had killed his enemy and how he had done it.

He squinted while trying to figure her out. After all, she was a ninja, and a really good one at that. This wouldn't have been the first time that she had seen death, especially if she was ANBU. Why was she still staring at the spot where…

Naruto blanched. He realized that she wasn't staring at the body of the ninja that he had killed, but where his clone had been, pretending to be him dying. He understood perfectly what she must have been thinking.

Facing your own death was simple if you had known that you had done your best. But facing the death of your friends or comrades… that was something completely different. Anyone who had lost someone on a mission would likely spend the rest of their lives thinking if they could have done anything more to protect that person.

Naruto looked carefully into Hinata's eyes. He was careful not to let anything show on his face besides the fact that he was alive. Sometimes, he wondered himself was still truly alive. After what he had gone through at the hands of the villagers when he was young, all of the fights, and now his training. Without Kyuubi's help, he would have fallen apart by now. Literally. But it was only because of Kyuubi that he had to go through half of these things.

But despite all of the deeds that the fox had done to him, they had come to respect each other over the years. Naruto now knew not to piss the fox off without a good reason, and Kyuubi no longer saw Naruto as some brat who would just come for power. You couldn't exactly call them friends, but they were close. Very close.

However, there was a more pressing problem at the moment then Naruto and his furry guest's relationship. Hinata was still in a trance, staring at the spot where Naruto had lain, supposedly dead.

Naruto sighed and grasped her shoulders and stared into her lavender eyes. She stared right back, except now that her eyes had a film of tears. Without warning, she threw herself into his arms, crying openly now. She sobbed into his shoulder, making the words indistinguishable.

Naruto, not used to this kind of thing, did the only thing he could. He patted her on the back awkwardly, and said, "Hinata, don't worry. I'm still here. Ill always be here… for my friends."

She pulled back from his shoulder, eyes a little red from her tears. "O-O-Oh, N-N-Naruto-kun… I t-t-thought that I h-h-had lost y-y-you a-a-again."

With that, she went back into his shoulder and started crying again. Naruto patted her on the back and tried to comfort her to no avail. After a few minutes, she passed out, probably because she had just realized what she was doing. Naruto sighed and carried her back to the house, bridal style.

After putting in the required seals, he carried her to the spare bedroom, the one that nobody had ever used. He laid her down in it and tucked her in. She sighed as he started to close the door, murmuring his name. Naruto frowned and turned in as well.

There was something else troubling. That was the fifth attack this week. Although none of them had stood a chance, they were becoming more skilled as the days went by. If this kept up, it wouldn't be long before someone came along who could actually capture him. If that was the case, then they had to leave, as soon as possible.

Naruto got into his sleeping clothes, which orange despite his new clothes, slipped on a new penguin hat, and closed his eyes. He would have to work on a escape route tomorrow. In the meantime, sleep was important.

He didn't notice the creaking of his door and something coming inside…

Author's Note

Heyo.

Sorry about this late update. My self-appointed editor is currently having some issues with some people at school. i would have had this up two days ago, but he never gave me a response. Anyway, this unveils some of Naruto's new powers.

Yes, i know that he's extordianarly powerful.

Yes, i know that some people might consider this 'God-modding'

I dont really care, since this story's final enemy has power beyond anything that you can imagine.

And while we're on the topic of this story, (i assume that's why you're here, right?) i am considering making this a trilogy. or maybe just a bilogy. or however the hell you spell it. just send me a PM on what you think. i would do a poll, but i dont know how that works yet on this site. dont send me advice on that bit, i'll figure it out. You _can_ however, post your opinions on the comments page, though that's your vote.

And one more thing. ive been toying with the idea for quite a while, but how about i write a one or two-shot piece about all of my favorite characters at a party. They would be from Naruto, Halo, Red vs Blue, a few Fire Emblem, maybe a Ace Combat Pilot or two, Harry Potter, and perhaps Dragonball Z. Anyway, just send me a PM (_**DONT use the comments section for this one**_)

As for the format, just send it in the form of the example below

PM start (im not going to bother putting all of this crap here)

Vote I (yes, this is the Tri/Bilogy vote)

Yes/No (just put yes or no here, dont do both, or you've wasted your vote)

Vote II (This is the One/Two-shot Fanon.)

Yes/No (Look up two lines. im not going to repeat myself.)

Anyway. Just do that. i promise to have the next chapter out ASAP. until then, keep on imagining things.

Xingster

P.S. I'm constantly editing the spelling and grammer in past chapters as i go through. that may change a bit over time.


	7. Chapter 6

I do not own Naruto. I do not own Naruto. I do not own Naruto. I do not own Naruto. I do not... do you get the point already?

Chapter VI: Return to Konoha Part I: Traveling

The thing crept up slowly on Naruto, waited a second, and then…

_**Pounced!**_

Naruto woke up with a yell that was half obscured with a laugh. It was just Kyuubi, back from his hunt. He wanted back in after that meal. He could smell rabbit and some other birds on his breath. But before he could get back up to seal him behind its cage, his door banged open and Hinata rushed in, attracted by the yell.

Her eyes softened when she saw the small red fox licking Naruto's neck, making him laugh. But in those softened eyes was also a trace of jealousy and longing. If only she and the fox could have switched places…

Naruto, on the other hand, was shocked. Kyuubi had never acted like this in all the years that he had known the demon lord. Usually, he was addressed by him as 'Baka' or 'kid'. He knew that young foxes were called kits, but to quote the Kyuubi when he asked this, "_**Kid, you're not a fox. Get over that and get on with your life.**_"

He tried pushing Kyuubi off of him so that he could breathe properly, but the fox had different plans. He stretched like a cat, walked around in circles several times, and curled up with its tail completing the circle, looking like an overgrown cat for what it was worth. This was also new. Usually, Kyuubi just came up and stared at Naruto, demanding to be let back in.

However, despite the fact that the fox was light by most standards, he tried to push off the furry thing, but it just turned and nipped at his fingers in a playful way.

Hinata giggled. The little thing was so CUTE! She had no idea of how it could have gotten inside, but she was glad it did.

Naruto had just managed to get Kyuubi off his chest, but not before having a ten pound fox step on his family jewels several times. He grumbled several times and his eyes lost their luster as he started gazing at the ceiling of swirling marble.

Kyuubi trotted over to Hinata, who obliged and lowered her arm, upon which the small red fox quickly climbed up and curled up around her neck like a living scarf, tail hanging over her back. She looked at Naruto, who was still staring upward.

Naruto just kept on gazing at the ceiling. In truth, he knew perfectly well the answer to the question that he was trying to answer. However, the answer wasn't one that he really liked. So he was just laying there, trying to think of a better solution to his problem. But Kami had decided not to grace him with thought today, so he had to slug through things that would usually only take him a few seconds to do.

The question was what to do next. Now that he knew that Konoha was _not_ destroyed and that he had a possible home to return to, he could return there. However, even with all of his friends, Kakashi, Tsunade, and even Iruka, he wasn't sure if it was worth it. The village still hated him for what was inside him and he wasn't particularly looking forward to being stoned by a crowd that would no doubt gather the moment that he set foot in the village.

There were a handful of other options available to him. He could go to so Gaara in Suna, but that would require them to pass through the land of fire. No doubt ANBU would be stationed all along the border. While he was confident that he could handle an ANBU squad without major trouble, it would no doubt draw attention to the fact that he was still alive, something that he had concealed quite well for almost a decade.

He could head for Oto, where Sauske, Orochimaru, and that baka Kabuto resided. He owed Kabuto a little something after he nearly died eight years ago. Sauske-teme need to have some sense beat into him, and Orochimaru… he wasn't really sure what he was going to do to him, but it would be nothing pretty. He knew enough about jutsus to the point where he could seriously maim Orochimaru, if not kill him.

He could head for the wave country and establish a hidden village there and start training a new generation of ninja there. However, that would just draw their attention there. Konoha would hear of it and come running in with the cavalry, and he would likely earn a one-way trip to the moon with the punch that Tsunade would give him as a punishment. He just didn't feel ready to integrate back into society yet.

But he had to make that transition eventually. He really didn't feel like having a Battle Royale with Akatsuki at the moment, and a showdown with Oto would prove just as boring. He had no doubt that Sauske could give him a run for his money at swordplay, and that Orochimaru knew more jutsus then he did, but what did it matter? Unless they fought him together, there would be no way for them to win. Unless Orochimaru had already taken over Sauske's body, in which case the fight might actually provide a decent amount of challenge.

But again, even if he managed to take out Orochimaru, it would act like a signal flare to Konoha and Akatsuki, who would come running. Well, ok, not running. Akatsuki would probably just send Itachi again, and knowing Tsunade, she would send the Konoha eleven. Despite the fact that he was good at stealth, there was no way in hell he could avoid being detected by a ninja hound, two sets of Byakugan, and thousands of chakra bugs that would latch onto his chakra signature. Hinata knew about him, but he could easily make her forget with a physical blow.

Everything seemed to lead back into one thing. _Return to Konoha._

Naruto knew that he had learned everything that Jiriaya had wanted him to know and some more after that. However, there were now secrets flying around his head that he really didn't want anyone getting their hands on. Add that to the fact that he had changed so much in the last decade. If he went back, then that would mean he would have to get used to people again, and working in a group.

Naruto finally sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes out of exhaustion. Despite what he had told Kyuubi earlier, he would have to go back to Konoha. Even if he sent Hinata back to Konoha without knowledge of him, any further action against Orochimaru or Akatsuki would draw Konoha to them like buzzard to the kill. It wouldn't be a pleasant return, not with those two threats still looming over him, and there was the final threat from the last Bijuu.

Whether or not he wanted to or not, he had to return to Konoha. If he didn't, there was a good chance that he would be dragged back. If it was anyone else, then he would have cut the offending hands off, but he would do that. Anyway, even if he didn't want to, Tsunade might be interested enough to come herself and knock him out before dragging his mangled body back to the village herself.

Naruto stopped rubbing his eyes and opened them. Hinata was staring at him, worried but without a blush on her face this time. He gave her another foxy grin which made her blush, then got out of bed with only a pair of sweatpants on.

Hinata saw that he wasn't wearing a shirt and turned even redder, which increased in severity to a nosebleed, then finally with her passing out. Kyuubi managed to jump off her shoulders just before she would have flattened him.

Kyuubi shook his head once and snorted. Naruto also rubbed the back of his head and laughed. He stood up and extended his arm to Kyuubi, who climbed up as gently as he could, since any injuries would just shorten his existence in this world, and curled up around Naruto's neck.

Naruto picked up Hinata, bridal style and walked her back to her bed. He placed her in it, tucked her in, and then noticed something wrong with her ankles.

Reaching into his pocket for a summoning scroll, he bit his thumb to draw a little blood and wiped it across the surface. At once, a series of strange objects began to pop out. First out was a small pistol, which Naruto tossed aside with a muttering of 'nope'. It was followed by a small grenade, which met the same fate. Next up was a series of small amber crystals, which he gently put down- he couldn't afford to break those; they were expensive, and finally a pair of sunglasses.

Naruto stuffed the other three things back onto the scroll and closed it up. With a small poof, all of the objects were sent back into the dimension that he kept them in. Donning the sunglasses, he pressed a button on the side and they immediately spread to reach the back of his ears. He pressed down the same button and said, 'Medical Diagnosis Engage'."

With a small whir, he was looking at Hinata's ankle in a whole new light. Literally. He could see the muscles and tendons of her ankle, what he was aiming at, and it didn't look really good. All of the muscles were badly bruised and the tendons were stretched, some to nearly the point of breaking.

Naruto bit his lip. He had never got the knack of Medical Ninjutsu, and he didn't really want to start trying now. He could heal his own injuries to the point where he wouldn't die of blood loss or be paralyzed from the waist down, at which point Kyuubi would kick in and heal everything else. But for a delicate joint like the ankle, and especially on a Kunoichi like Hinata, and especially on a Hyuga, with their special form of fighting, which required them to be fast on their feet.

He sighed and deactivated his sunglasses, stuffing them into the scroll as well. He rummaged around under Hinata's bed and pulled out a small medical kit. Extracting strips of cloth and self-molding cast, he wrapped her ankle and put a cast around it. She shouldn't put much pressure on that ankle for several days, which gave him plenty of time to train. Of course, she couldn't train, but she could still rest up for the trip back to Konoha, which was a three day journey at top speed. Even with the cast off, it would take them about a week.

That is, if the ANBU didn't try stop them first. He was technically a missing-nin, and that would be excuse enough for them to attack him. Of course, ANBU wouldn't provide much of a challenge, but having half a dozen dead or dying ANBU slung over his back might not make the best of welcoming gifts.

Ah, fuck it. He had to get back, if need be, he could just throw a kunai halfway to Konoha with the help of some chakra boosters and just Haraishin there. However, he had never been able to figure out how to take other people along with him. Inanimate were all good and dandy, but even the smallest creature would fall off. Nor did he think that summoning Kyuubi for her to ride. It would be dangerous in case he lost control of that much chakra and he doubted that he would consent be used as a taxi service.

The only thing left to do was to go the slow way. He really didn't want to, but if Hinata was to get back in a timely fashion, he had to wait. In the meantime, he would train and begin to seal this place up.

Naruto yawned, walked back to the table, and gestured for Kyuubi to stand on the same place where he was summoned. Kyuubi obliged, and he made the ram seal. Kyuubi disappeared from the ground with a puff of smoke and Naruto felt his tenant return to the spot behind his cage.

"_**Ah… that was good. So, kid. What happened when I was out?**_"

Naruto shrugged internally. "_Nothing really, just the fact that we've got to return to Konoha earlier then I wanted. I figure that it's only a matter of time before the Akatsuki find this place anyway. I really don't want to fight their leader again. Do you remember what happened last time I tried that?_"

"_**Yes, although that was rather amusing, watching you try to crawl out of bed to get something to eat. Pain really did a number on you back then, but wasn't that two years ago?**_"

Naruto growled and stuck out his tongue at the fox, showing off his inner child. "_Yeah, I know. I could probably put up a good fight now if I fought him alone, but with the rest of his temes there, it could get really ugly, really fast. We both know what he's really after. I don't think that I can beat him without having to resort to my new powers. You know how dangerous they are to both of us. Anything done by them can't be fixed with demonic healing._"

Kyuubi didn't bother answering, instead just throwing him out of the caged area again. Naruto sighed. Despite the fact that they were on better terms now, the fox was still prone to show contempt toward him on occasion. But that was to be expected from such a powerful Bijuu.

Naruto yawned again and plopped down into his own bed, determined to get some sleep before he put himself through the torture that he called his training.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Naruto stretched from his spot, yawning like a fox. He got out of bed and yawned some more. He had never been much of a morning person, and he wasn't going to start being one now. He trudged out of his room and peered blearily into one of the pots of leftover ramen from the night before. After deciding that the contents would do for a decent breakfast, he lit the stove and put the ramen on to boil.

Grabbing his towel, he walked through his portal and quickly stripped off. With a groggy peek around to make sure that no one was watching, he dove into the chilly water.

**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

Needless to say, he was awake.

Naruto quickly realized that the water was much colder then usual, so he jumped out much more quickly then usual. After making sure that there was nothing alive in his hair, he quickly went back inside, grabbed a bowl of ramen, and practically drank it down.

Stacking the bowl on top of last night's dishes, he quickly wrote out a note and posted it on Hinata's door. Then he grabbed all of his stuff, and while whistling, hopped through the portal and jogged off to his training grounds.

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_Third-person Hinata POV_

Hinata woke up slowly, still tired from yesterday's events. The first thing she remembered was the wonderful dream that she had. The next thing that she noticed was that the ceiling wasn't painted like her room was, a bright blue, and neither was it the painful white of the hospital. It was… swirling?

She sat up quickly, blood rushing in her haste. She was in a room hewn from solid marble, that was definitely not her own. The Hyuga were a rich family, but even they couldn't afford this. And even if they could, why would they give it to her, who wasn't even officially the heir anymore.

_The dream…_ she thought, _wasn't just a dream. I did see Naruto-kun… we ate together… the first time in seven years… I'm not dreaming! This is real!_

The first thing she noticed when she tried to move out of bed was that one of her ankles was immobilized in a cast. The same one she had twisted while fighting off those men yesterday. She limped out of the room, noticing the note on her door.

It read:

_Hinata_

_I've gone out to train. Have something to eat and then try to take it easy. If you want to come and watch me train, then just follow the river downstream with your Byakugan active. You'll see another portal that takes you to my training grounds. Come in but __**DON'T**__ do any training yourself. We need to get back to Konoha as soon as possible and I don't know any safe Medical Ninjutsu to fix you up._

_Believe it_

_Naruto_

Hinata smiled as she folded the note up and stuck it in her pocket. She sniffed the leftover ramen with disapproval. It wasn't that she didn't like the stuff; she just wanted something besides noodles at every meal.

Hunting around in his cupboards, she came across some eggs that he used in making ramen, a loaf of passable bread, and strips of dried venison. All of which she quickly turned into a breakfast that a normal person might find palpable.

After eating as quickly as her upbringing would allow, this wasn't really all that fast, but she still managed it in less then ten minutes. She stacked the dishes in the sink and tried to wash them, but couldn't figure out how to open the water supply. Making a mental note to ask Naruto how to open the water, she limped out the portal and toward his training grounds.

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Naruto breathed in heavily. He hated this part of his training, but he had to do it. Jiriaya had taught him the art of summoning, but in order to further his power with the frogs and use jutsu with them, they had to be in sync. The reason that he could use some combination jutsus with Gamabunta was that his attacks were so large in size that he could easily react and enhance them. However, with a smaller toad, like Gamakichi or Gamatatsu and their weaker attacks, he had to pulse the chakra or launch his attack at the same time to increase their strength.

Biting his thumb to draw blood, he rapidly made the seals that were all so familiar to him now.

"_Summoning no Jutsu!_"

A huge cloud of smoke poofed into existence. After it cleared, Gamakichi stood there, well over three times the size of Naruto.

"Hey, kid. What's up?"

Naruto hopped up on its back. "You know very well what. It's time for our training. Eh… where's Gamatatsu?"

Gamakichi pulled the pipe out of his mouth and sent it back to his world, where it would be waiting for him. It would only get in the way here. "He's busy right now. Either someone else summoned him or pop's got him doing something. Either way, he's not coming today. Oh, and do you have my sake?"

Naruto face vaulted and came up with a sweat drop. "Sake? Do you really think that this is the time for sake? Do you remember what you and Gamatatsu did to my house last time you two had the sake that I summoned?"

_Flashback:_

_Gamakichi and Gamatatsu were sitting on Naruto's couch, having first used a jutsu to shrink themselves down so that they could fit in the house. Naruto had summoned them both not to train or fight, but to have a celebration of sorts._

_Despite the fact that Naruto was still underage for drinking, both toads insisted that he summon a barrel of sake for them all. What a stupid idea._

_The moment that they had gotten more then two glasses, they started partying. And not just regular partying. They proceeded to trash the place. They broke the table, shattered water jars, broke lamps, and even managed to make his bedroom partially collapse when Gamatatsu sneezed and ejected several high-speed water bullets at the walls and ceiling. _

_Needless to say, they were never allowed inside his house again._

_End Flashback_

Naruto shook his head. "No, no more sake for you or Gamatatsu until you can prove to me that you won't get drunk and tear apart my house. Now, let's back to training." He dropped his bland expression and put on a foxy grin as he drew out the hilt of his sword. "Swordfight?" he asked.

Gamakichi blanched and shook his head furiously. "No thanks, kid. Last time we did that, you practically gutted me with that chakra blade of yours. I really don't feel like going to pops and explaining why my guts are all over my robe."

Naruto shrugged and placed the hilt back into his leg pouch next to his kunai and shuriken. He eased out a solder pill and tossed it to Gamakichi, who promptly crushed it under one webbed toe.

"Again, no thanks, kid. I know you want a round of Taijutsu, but my ass still hurts from the last time."

Naruto pouted. "Aww, man. You're no fun. At least Gamatatsu would have taken the pill and fought for a few minutes before demanding another snack. Well, I really don't feel like doing combination training today, so you can go back. Give my regards to Tatsu and Bunta."

Gamakichi nodded. "I'll be sure to tell them that. Later, Naruto."

With that informal sentence, Gamakichi disappeared in a poof of smoke. Naruto sighed and crossed his fingers in the age-old seal. "_Multi Shadow Clone no Jutsu!_"

Immediately, roughly five thousand clones poofed into existence; fully armed. The original Naruto glanced over the sea of blonde heads and whisker marks, raised one hand, and yelled, "You all know what to do! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

It was quite a scene. There were thousands upon thousands of Narutos, all fighting each other, each pushing themselves to the limits to try to gain the upper hand. Every few seconds, there would be a cloud of smoke as one clone vanished, only to return the training to Naruto. On occasion, an infuriated clone activated the Kyuubi's Chakra, which caused any clone within twenty yards of the affected one to converge and attack, neutralizing the threat.

Two hours, dozens of Kyuubi transformations, and thousands of poofs of smoke later, Naruto stood sparring with half a dozen clones. All seven of them were breathing heavily. Without warning, one of the clones raised its hand and began concentrating on something.

With wide-eyed looks of panic, all of the other Narutos raised their hands as well and began forming Rasenshuriken. In the space of five seconds, the deafening sound of seven Rasenshuriken in an enclosed space tore at Naruto's ears.

After a moment, all seven of the Narutos jumped back and threw the Rasenshuriken at the space in the middle. The real one pumped what chakra dared into his feet around the air, increased his speed, and took off at several hundred miles an hour. Or rather, he would have.

Just before he put on the spurt of energy that would take him out of the Rasenshuriken blast range, he detected a chakra signature that wasn't his own. That meant that someone else was inside the blast range. And that person wasn't one of his clones. Only one person knew about this place… Hinata.

_Well aint this just a dandy._ He thought as he increased the weights on his legs to take him down.

Without even bothering to make his presence known, he grabbed Hinata around the waist from behind and kicked off from the ground, putting all of his available chakra into the jump. Even as he spiraled like a corkscrew through the air, he knew that they wouldn't completely make it in time. So he did the only thing that he could.

Putting her into an airborne bear hug, Naruto sheltered her slight frame from the brunt of the blast.

With an explosion that could have leveled the Hokage Monument, and a quarter of Konoha to boot, the seven Rasenshuriken started digging into each other with furious shrieks. Swirling tendrils of energy started spiraling outward, chasing the airborne ninja. It was going to be close. If one of those tendrils hit Naruto, then he could lose one of his limbs, depending on where it hit him.

The Rasengan at the core of the Rasenshuriken only had a small sphere of influence and he was well beyond that point. The only purpose of the Rasengan was to carry the primary weapon and have some grinding power against armor and the such.

However, the primary weapon of the Rasenshuriken was the amount of wind elemental chakra that was put into it. Mastering a jutsu such as the incomplete Rasengan was hard enough, but to be able to balance it and add more of a different kind of chakra into the mix was nearly impossible.

When one Rasenshuriken detonated, it practically killed anything and anyone in the solid blast radius. However, like the arms of a spiral galaxy, tendrils of wind chakra would spiral out from the focal point of the blast. Anything that got touched by it would suffer the full effects of the wind chakra as if they were in the blast themselves.

But this wasn't one Rasenshuriken. Six of his clones and himself had fired them at the center of the circle. This meant that the blast radius would be around five times larger then usual. That also meant that the power would be intensified that much more. If he got so much as brushed, then he could lose both his legs. Not a good thought.

_Kyuubi… now would be a VERY good time to help…_

The fox sweatdropped in his cage and did a face vault at the same time. _**Next time, could you make it closer? I think I've too much time right now.**_

_Just coat my body with chakra. I've got about two seconds before the first of the Rasenshuriken blades catch up with me. Would you rather heal my entire chakra network system later? _

The fox just grunted and expelled a decent amount of chakra. Naruto immediately 'grabbed' this and coated his entire body in the red chakra. He looked like his one-tailed form, just without the tail.

He wasn't a moment too early. As soon as the chakra enveloped him, the first of the wind blades came up and struck his lower back. Without the protection of Kyuubi's chakra, that would have easily cut him in half. The next bolt hacked at his legs, then his neck.

Despite the fact that Kyuubi was protecting him, even he couldn't completely stop elemental chakra on such a scale. Wherever the scything chakra hit, the immediate area would get bruised and sustain dozens of small scratches and cuts. Nothing really serious for someone with healing caliber as high as his, but they still hurt.

With a last blade of energy, the protective shell that Kyuubi had provided was shattered. However, they were still inside the blast radius. Not good. If anything hit them now, they would cut right through him. He didn't know if Kyuubi could regrow severed limbs, and he really didn't feel like testing the theory.

Naruto pumped what little chakra he had left into his arms and threw Hinata as hard as he could away from the blast. That slowed his own movement down- simple physics. He swirled around and looked back at the blast that he had created.

Sure enough, the waves of chakra were dying down, but there were still several large tendrils of energy wandering around. One of these was heading straight for him. He was out of chakra to accelerate his own movement, and there was no way he could adjust his trajectory enough to avoid it.

Naruto stuck out his palms, and after another brief shouting match with Kyuubi, coated his hands in demonic chakra. The moment that the stream of wind energy got near him, he used a hammer blow to smash it away. It worked, but at the cost of losing his chakra shield and a very severe rattling.

By this time, Naruto was exhausted. Making thousands of shadow clones, producing seven Rasenshuriken, and using Kyuubi's tailless energy was still pushing the limits of his abilities. He might be damn near unstoppable, but even he had a barrier on how much his body could physically take. While that barrier was growing every day, stressing it like this isn't what he usually did.

He spotted a lake nearby that he took quick dips in after his morning training. Using the last vestiges of his strength, he altered his course so that it would take him directly into the middle of the lake. It wasn't really all that big, but it was really deep. That made it the perfect place for a crash landing.

Naruto hit the water head-first, not even bothering to raise his arms to streamline himself- he didn't have enough energy left. A trail of bubbles followed his progress. After traveling like a human torpedo for several hundred yards, he surfaced and blew out a stream of water comically.

He was content just to lie there, thinking the day away. _Next time, no more clone Rasenshuriken. I need to test my other abilities. Besides, that Jutsu is just too tiring to use so much. So I'll just use a Rasenshuriken and have the clones attack me from there. Yeah, that sounds about right. Now, what happened to Hinata?_

The moment that he finished thinking about it, a blur came falling from the sky. Without even thinking, he drew a deep breath and refocused his depleted chakra on his stomach, making a soft landing spot and reinforcing it at the same time.

Hinata came falling from the sky like an angel that had lost its wings. She smacked right into Naruto and sent them both under. After some confusion underwater, a current started as a beaver dam broke upstream and blew them out onto the shore… in a very awkward position.

Naruto turned slightly red, and that was enough for Hinata to pass out cold again. He sighed and picked her up again, taking her to her room and tucking her in again. Afterwards, he summoned twenty more shadow clones right outside the portal and engaged them in his daily weapons training.

By the time he finished, it was approaching darkness. Not feeling in the mood to cook, he popped a solder pill and went for a dip in the stream.

Feeling thoroughly refreshed, he stripped off and jumped into bed. Before closing his eyes, he made sure that his weapons were never too far off.

The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion. Before long, they camped out in the living room, Naruto having sealed away the bedrooms with dozens of seals. Hinata slept on the couch while Naruto simply summoned Kyuubi and told him to let him use his tail as a pillow. Not too pleased, Kyuubi did as he was told, but made an effort to shake his tail every couple of hours just to wake Naruto up.

That morning, they both got up early and had a quick breakfast, sealing off the kitchen after they had finished. Hinata jumped out the portal first, quickly followed by Naruto, who drained the chakra from the portal, leaving just enough for him to get through. After climbing back to the entrance, he went inside and placed several seals on the trapdoor, left the antechamber, and then sealed up the entire place with two binding seals that responded only to his chakra.

After making sure that all of their tracks were covered, they set off out of the forest and jumped back onto the main road that would lead them to the wave country. They wasted no time, and by the time night had fallen, they were lodged in two separate rooms in a roadside inn just past the capitol.

When morning came, they took advantage (much to the owner's horror) of the free breakfast. Naruto just shoveled down plate after plate of food, taking gulps of milk in between bites. After biding goodbye to the owner, who let them go with a relieved look, they took off for Konoha. They wouldn't make it that day, but they would get pretty close. After camping on a tree branch, Naruto finally spoke for the first time since he sealed up his house.

"Hinata… I have to ask you a favor."

Hinata looked up from the flames and started twiddling her fingers. "Y-Y-Yes, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto frowned. "When we get to Konoha, don't tell anyone of my identity. I want to keep it a secret from everyone until I feel they need to know who I am."

Hinata nodded and looked back at the fire. She had her Naruto-kun all to herself for the last week, but he had changed so much. She knew that Ino and Sakura were both single. Ino had been dating Sai until she couldn't take his lack of emotions anymore and dumped him. They would try to steal _her_ Naruto away from her. That couldn't happen. She was the one who had been waiting for all of these years. Naruto would be hers.

Breathing a deep sigh of relief, she snuggled down in her sleeping bag and dozed off while Naruto kept watch. Despite the fact that they were deep in Konoha territory now, enemy ninja could still be lurking nearby.

The following morning they left without breakfast. They could eat when they got back to Konoha. The moment that they got within sight of the gates, Naruto's pulse suddenly spiked and he stopped.

Hinata stopped next to him and looked at him, concern in her eyes.

Naruto, however, just reached into his pocket and drew out a scroll. After some rummaging, he pulled out a pair of sunglasses and slipped them on. He then drew a kunai from his pouch that had a strange symbol on it. He threw it high over Konoha and said to Hinata, "Go on, I'll catch you at Baachan's office." And without a further word, he disappeared, leaving behind only a brief yellow flash.

After greeting the guards, two members of the expanded Konohamaru Corps, she reported directly to the Hokage's office.

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Tsunade was in a bad mood. There weren't enough Jonin in the village anymore to carry out all of the high-ranked missions that needed to be done. She sighed and pulled out another bottle of Sake, which Shizune promptly snatched from her fingers.

"No, Tsunade-sama. No more sake until you finish all of this paperwork." She gestured at the stack of papers that nearly buried her entire office.

Tsunade sighed and grabbed an inkpad, her stamp, then began stamping like a madman, ink flying all over the place and paper slipping. In thirty seconds, all of the papers were stacked in the corner and she was sipping sake. Shizune's jaw had dropped off of her face, and there came a knock at the door.

"Come in." said a still shell-shocked Shizune. The Hokage was still sitting there, calmly drinking.

Hinata walked in, a piece of paper held in her hands. Since Tsunade didn't have time to hear everything the leader had to report, she had them transfer it into paper, which she read, or rather, didn't read, at her leisure. Only snags or things out of the usual were to be reported verbally.

"Hinata-san. I trust you had no problems?"

Hinata nodded. "Yes, except for one thing."

Tsunade sat up, interested. Nothing ever happened on Hinata's missions. What had happened now? "Go ahead."

She smiled, blushed, and pointed behind the Fifth Hokage. "I-I-I brought you a l-l-little p-p-present…"

Tsunade turned around. There, hanging upside down on the ceiling, was a figure that she had never even hoped to see again.

Naruto Uzumaki gave a foxy grin and said, "Boo, Baachan."

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Author's note

Heyo.

Sorry about this REALLY late update.

Yes, i know its nearly been two weeks since i updated this story, but i had some writer's block but lost the blocks on my digestive tract... umm... Anyway, I finally got the inspiration to finish this story about six hours ago. Then add on the first part (which had to be replaced, since MS word messed up... again)

Anyway, you will be very nicely. This chapter is over 6K words, easily the longest chapter.

There will be some competetion between the girls next chapter. Yes, i couldnt resist. And no, Naruto isnt going to get all three, even though he legally could. I'll explain more of that in a later chapter.

Anyway, expect the next chapter in 1-2 weeks.

With the best of regards

Xingster


	8. Chapter 7

I do not own Naruto. If you ask me, i will ask you for a cheezburger.

Chapter VII: Return to Konoha Part II: Reacquaintance

Tsunade thought that she was dead. Or at least gone back in time. It wasn't possible. It just couldn't be possible. Naruto couldn't just be hanging from the ceiling, grinning like a goofball. It just couldn't be. It wasn't physically possible. Naruto just _COULDN'T _be just standing in front of her, grinning like a goofball.

She reached out one hand slowly, and when she felt flesh upon touching Naruto's chest, recoiled.

Naruto dropped from the ceiling and landed on his feet in a crouch. He straightened up just in time for him to see Tsunade's fist streaking towards him. He had expected as much.

Quickly reinforcing his own hands with chakra, he caught Tsunade's blow in both of his hands. However, her natural strength and the amount of chakra that she put in that blow surprised even him and completely overwhelmed his defenses.

With a yell, Naruto disappeared into a poof of smoke, only to reappear hanging outside the window. The sight of him still grinning like a goofball seemed to snap all the restraint that Tsunade had left.

With a savage yell, she dove straight though the open window and clobbered Naruto a good one. However, he popped into smoke again. Another clone, another couple notches upward for Tsunade's blood pressure.

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The real Naruto was standing on top of the Hokage Monument, staring over the village in daylight. The village hadn't really changed all that much since he had left all those years ago. Ichiraku's Ramen was still open, despite the loss of their best costumer. In fact, it was thriving. No long was it just a bar, but it had taken over half of the block, two stories, and had transformed into a formal restaurant with a formal upstairs and an informal ground level.

A wind blew past him, rustling his hair as he observed the rest of the village. From his vantage point, he could see the academy, where Iruka hopefully still taught. His old apartment building was still standing, although it was even shabbier now then when he had still lived there. He could also see the Hyuga and the now abandoned Uchiha compounds.

Seeing the village like this for the first time since before his training and the development of his new abilities made him think back to the time when he was a kid, back when the only thing that he had to worry about was Kyuubi breaking out and how to ask Sakura out without getting knocked out.

He had it so easy back then, realizing the thought for the thousandth time. Now he was older, far more powerful, but had secrets that far exceeded the Kyuubi. In fact, if his sensei was right, then even the Akatsuki leader might have to take a backseat to this new threat. It was more powerful then anything else in existence, including Kyuubi.

_**Kid… quit brooding over what might happen in the future. You're making my fur itch. Neither of us can do anything about it, and it may not even happen. If you don't stop, I'm going to start telling jokes again.**_

Naruto blanched and turned around just in time to see Tsunade charging out of the woods in front of him, killer intent clearly visible to the naked eye. He blanched again and threw a kunai as fast as he could away from Tsunade. He then reinforced his arms with chakra and raised them to intercept the blow that was coming.

Tsunade wasn't kidding. She was PISSED. After tearing through sixteen of his clones, she had literally ordered Hinata to tell her where the real one was. She had refused at first, but seeing the fate of the Hokage's desk, she quickly obliged and pointed her in the right direction.

She had just charged out the window sprinted toward the Hokage monument as quickly as she could muster. Ninja and Civilian alike were thrown up like dust in her wake as she got nearer and nearer to her goal in life; to sock Naruto as hard as she could possibly manage.

Her fist slammed into his crossed arms, and any ordinary person would have all of their bones shattered instantly, but the chakra prevented that. However, it didn't stop the rest of the massive energy throwing him hundreds of feet in the air.

Naruto made a modified seal with one hand and found himself standing inside her office. Within five seconds, Tsunade had flown back inside her office and sat down in her chair as if nothing had happened. She even pulled out a bottle of sake and a small cup, poured herself a drink, and motioned for him to sit down.

At this, he face vaulted and came up with a sweatdrop.

"Baachan, was that really necessary?"

Tsunade choked on her sake and sprayed a fine mist onto Naruto's face, who took a cloth he carried in his pocket and cleaned off his face.

"Baka, if it was up to me, I would have you slung by your entrails outside Kakashi's window just to make a point. But… the Third Hokage was rather strict in what was allowed to happen to you. I want a report on what has happened over these last few years, and I want them on paper."

Naruto gave another grin and bit his thumb, pulled out a scroll, and let a drop of blood fall on it. It instantly unsealed and he handed it over to Tsunade, who snatched it out of the air. "That's the unclassified information. I would give you more, but my mentor refused to let me release any more. I had to fight tooth and nail just to let that little bit get out. He's kinda paranoid, you see."

Tsunade nodded, and with a somber expression, handed Naruto a scroll. "This is a scroll that was supposed to be given to you on your eighteenth birthday. It comes from your parents. I assume that Jiriaya managed to tell you who your parents are?"

Naruto nodded and looked away. Whenever the topic of his parents was brought up, mostly by Kyuubi during meditation sessions, he grew immensely weary. He knew what they had to do to protect him and the village, but sometimes he wished that they hadn't and they might have lived a normal life.

"I'll read this letter when I'm ready to. Now, to another topic. Do you have a place for me to stay? I wouldn't mind going back to my old place, but tell me first so that I can at least send some clones back to start cleaning."

The Hokage smiled at this and reached inside her desk drawer for another scroll. "As you may or may not know, until your parents met, your father was the Number One target for fangirls. They chased him all over the place and even hounded him here at work. But he was always a bachelor. Naturally, your parents got a new place after they got married, but that's long since been torn down thanks to the damage seven years ago. However, his bachelor pad is still intact, and he left that to you. I've already got it cleaned up, so you can just head there."

Naruto nodded, and tried to speak, but Tsunade raised one hand and continued. "Now, we need to find out how far you've come in these last seven years. Kakashi will meet you at your old training grounds tomorrow at Seven AM, so be there by ten."

He gave a grin that sent shivers down Tsunade's spine. "I don't think that Kakashi-sensei will be enough to make me more then yawn now. I think that you should call Gai-Sensei, Kurenai-Sensei, Asuma-Sensei, Genma-san and even that crazy snake lady while you're at it. You might also want to come yourself to test me. Trust me; if Kakashi-sensei tries the bell test with me, they're going to be gone before he can leave his house."

Tsunade looked surprised, but hid it well. "Naruto… you're asking me to let you take on some of our best Jonin. I have no doubt that you've come far in these last seven years, but I don't think that Jiriaya could take on so many people and win."

Naruto shook his head. "No offense, Baachan, but I've become stronger then Jiriaya. Thanks to some… supplementary training from my other mentor, I have reawakened a lost technique. Actually, it may be smart to throw in the Konoha Eleven while you're planning my test. Trust me; you're going to need it."

Tsunade's jaw dropped at this point. "Naruto. Most of the Konoha Eleven have reached ANBU Captain Level, and not one is below Special Jonin. Do you honestly think that you can take on Nine Jonin, Nine ANBU, and a Kage and still win?"

Naruto gave a short laugh. "Those aren't odds that I would lose to. You have no idea how lopsided the fights were against me these last couple of years. Besides, I want to show them how far my power has come. People called me a demon? I'll prove'em wrong.

Tsunade just grimaced and nodded, imagining what he had gone through in his youth and these last couple of years. Before she could speak, he said, "Baachan, could you tell the rest of the Konoha Eleven to meet me in the stadium? I want to see how far they've come."

Before she could respond, he threw a Kunai out the window and disappeared after it. Tsunade just sighed. _He's just like his father. At least he's grown well. I have a feeling that his fangirls clubs are going to rival his father's in size._

"Shizune!"

Shizune rushed into the room, Tonton in tow. "Yes, my lady?"

Tsunade downed another swig of sake before responding. "Gather the Konoha Eleven. Tell them to report to the Stadium. This is an S-Class mission, hired out by me. Tell them to report without delay, and if any of them aren't there in five minutes, I'll personally take their Ninja Status from them."

Shizune swallowed and backed out of the room before making several shadow clones that scurried off to retrieve the required people.

_Five minutes later_

Naruto was standing in the middle of the stadium, disguised as himself but behind sunglasses and a hat on his head. He was rather looking forward to this fight. He owed Neji and Kiba a beating, and he was just dying to see how far Lee had come. Of course, Shikamaru was still a threat, but if they worked together, they might be able to land a blow or two.

One by one, Figures started popping into the stands around him. Unconcerned, he just stood there until he counted ten figures standing in front of him.

Naruto took his hands out of his pockets, still looking at them from behind his sunglasses. "So, this is the famed Konoha Eleven? I only count ten of you." He noticed while he was saying this that Tenten, Ino, and Sakura were leaning in close to each other, talking quietly.

Ino apparently emerged as the victor, since she whispered loudly enough for everyone else to hear, "Back off, he's mine." This caused all the guys to sweatdrop and move away from her slightly and for Hinata to turn red with anger.

Naruto raised one hand in a mocking gesture. "Come on, where is the eleventh one of you? I want to be the first to defeat all of you in combat."

Lee yelled from his spot next to Sakura and Shikamaru, "MY FRIEND IS OFF TENDING TO HIS FLAMES OF YOUTH! WHEN WE NEXT MEET, I AM SURE THAT SPARKS OF YOUTH WILL FLY!"

Naruto sweatdropped. Well, at least Lee hadn't changed. However, the looks that the girls were giving him made him slightly nervous. Neji looked like his haughty self, Shikamaru was just staring at the clouds, and Choji was still stuffing his face, but now with beef jerky instead of chips.

Neji spoke up. "What are you up to? Your chakra is so weak that if one of us even touched you, you would die. What is the point of this? It is your destiny to lose."

Naruto's anger flared. "Apparently, the lesson taught to you by one Naruto Uzumaki seven years ago has not stuck."

Neji looked like he was just struck. "Fool… Let's just finish this quickly. If this baka is crazy enough to challenge us, then let us all fight.

Naruto extended both of his arms. "Well, then, just to be fair, I'm going to give each one of you a free hit."

Neji stepped forward, looking livid. "I'll make sure you regret that for the rest of your short life. NOW DIE!"

He charged forward, activating his Byakugan in the process. "_Eight Trigrams: Two Hundred Fifty Six Palms!_"

He started hitting at Naruto, who appeared to be standing still. However, none of the hits were connecting, not even when he hit the one hundred twenty eight levels. In the end, none of the hits connected and Neji backed off frustrated now. The others attacked with similar results. None of them could get in a solid hit. Or any sort of hit at all, for that matter. Despite the fact that he looked like he was standing still, he was actually moving too fast for the normal human eye to catch. The Sharingan would have no problems following him, but anyone else would have major trouble.

Naruto, looking bored, finally raised his hands. "Is this all you have to offer? Frankly, after hearing all about this group, I'm disappointed. Now, attack me with everything you have. Hold nothing back."

Neji charged forward again, but was held back by Lee's hand." Neji, do not bother yourself. He dodged your best Gentle Fist techniques. Let me go in first, and then once I win, you can have the honor of finishing him."

Neji nodded. "And should you fail?"

Lee gave his thumbs up pose. "THEN GET ME OUT OF THERE AND EVERYONE ELSE ATTACK!"

He stepped near Naruto, who smirked, knowing what was coming. "So, Lee, are you ready to lose?"

"I WILL NOT LOSE! THE FLAMES OF YOUTH ARE STRONGER THEN THAT! GATE OF OPENING, RELEASE!"

Naruto knew that if Lee opened the gates, he was preparing to do a lotus. This was mildly interesting.

"GATE OF REST, OPEN! GATE OF LIFE, OPEN! GATE OF PAIN OPEN! GATE OF CLOSING, OPEN! GATE OF JOY, OPEN! GATE OF SHOCK, OPEN!!!"

Naruto was only mildly surprised to see that he had opened seven of the eight gates. No doubt he could use them all, but he wasn't about to die here. However, seven gates on Lee was nothing to sneeze at, no matter what the situation.

Faster then the human eye could track, Lee was surging toward Naruto like a human bullet. For his part, he just reinforced his entire body with chakra. He was going to need it, if Lee was going to hit him with a Reverse Lotus; he had to be ready for it. Naruto had just finished when Lee's first blow hit.

Even with the chakra reinforcement, he still doubled up. Taking advantage of the opening, he was kicked into the air and Lee followed him there. In a series of lighting-fast blows, Naruto was hit by dozens of kicks and punches, each of which left a bruise, even on his skin. As the last blow hit, he could feel himself falling, and could see Lee's bandage curling around his waist.

He was slammed into the ground and was immediately hit again by Lee, this time; it was punches that seemed to shine with fireballs. The Morning Peacock attack. As he started to slow down, he gave one last kick and jumped out of the crater, panting.

"Yosh. I have done it. My own version of the lotus, MORNING LOTUS!" he then pitched forward and Sakura rushed forward to help.

Everyone else was looking at the crater left by Lee's attack. Clouds of dust were still billowing from where the spot was. They all knew that Lee had won, had improved himself and pushed himself to the point where he could develop his own version of the lotus. He had truly exceeded Neji. He had defeated the stranger when Neji couldn't.

Or so they thought.

A crunching sound made them all look up from staring at Neji. Naruto was walking out of the crater, clothes slightly ruffled, and his sunglasses cracked, but looking hardly like someone would expect after being hit by the Morning Peacock.

"Now that kinda hurt. Not bad, Lee, I figured as much. You have improved much in seven years… Is there anyone else who can do as much?"

Kiba stepped forward. "You asked for it, punk! Everyone, on three! Man Beast Clone!" he shouted.

Sakura got up from examining lee and cracked her fists. She drew a pair of gloves and, in Naruto's cracked sunglasses, he saw that she was charging them with Chakra.

Shikamaru got into his family's jutsu stance and began readying his shadow.

Ino raised her hands to her family's jutsu and began readying her mind.

Choji put away the bag of chips and huffed up to six times his regular size, human boulder ready.

Shino had a cloud of insects hovering near his body, ready to attack at any second.

Tenten got out three scrolls and wiped them in blood.

Hinata and Neji were both in Gentle Fist stances, arms held out and ready.

Kiba shouted again, "Ready, on three! One, two, three! Wolf Fang over Fang!"

Sakura punched the air and shouted, "Cherry Blossom Destruction!"

"Shadow Destruction no Jutsu!"

"Mind Destruction no Jutsu!"

"Super Human Boulder!"

"Parasitic Insects!"

"Dragon Scattering Destruction!"

Neji and Hinata shouted at the same time, though Hinata did it rather half-heartily, "Jyuken Arrow!"

Naruto simply smirked and did five seals, then raised his left arm, right hand cupped in a 'C' around the other wrist. "Phoenix Fire no Jutsu!"

Every single one of the attacks hit the now spiraling wall of fire was stopped. In this case, Kiba, Akamaru, Choji, and Shino's insects were sent flying backwards as they hit the wall of flames. Sakura's attack was absorbed; Shikamaru's and Ino's attacks hit the other person, respectively, Tenten's weapons bounced off and lost the string that allowed her to maneuver them, and Hinata's and Neji's Jyuken Arrows simply stuck in the wall, falling to the ground and dissipating when the firewall came down.

"How… How can you do that?" Ino asked, having finally returned to her own body.

Naruto smirked again. "That, I can tell you. But it would be easier to show you. Now," he said and raised one hand, palm up, "We will need," dozens of red dummies stood themselves up. "Training dummies. Back off, this is going to be a guessing game."

Everyone backed off and Naruto raised his other hand, two scrolls clutched in them. "Twin Rising Dragons! He shouted, and dozens of weapons flew out, destroying three of the dummies.

He got up close to one of the other dummies and shouted, "Eight Trigrams, Sixty-four palms!" and started hitting the dummy until it shattered under the force of his blows. Neji noticed that the blows were rather sloppy by Hyuga standards.

He crossed his arms, unleashed three of the gates, and used a reverse lotus on three of the dummies, which turned into dust. He then proceeded to use almost everyone else's basic form of their current jutsu, with the exception of Shino, since he didn't have any insects. They were all shocked and more confused at the end then they had been at the start of it.

By this time, only three dummies were left standing. Naruto raised his right hand and channeled chakra through it. Within seconds, the sound of birds started flowing through the stadium, and everyone knew what that attack was.

"Chidori, One Thousand Birds!"

He charged one of the dummies… and completely missed the target, instead slamming into the stadium wall. Everyone sweatdropped or face vaulted at this point. How could someone miss with the Chidori? This wasn't Kakashi; they knew that, since he had come to watch the show, squatting above them on the roof. That left only one other person who knew the Chidori. _Sauske._

Naruto emerged from the cloud of dust, swearing. "Damn it, I always wind up missing! Just one jutsu left guys, then you can start guessing."

He raised one hand and started collecting spiraling chakra in it. In three seconds, a blue Rasengan sat in his palm. But he wasn't done. Adding wind elemental chakra, the Rasengan started making a noise that completely drowned out the noise of the Chidori before. It turned white, and four blade-arms emerged, resembling a shuriken.

Naruto jumped back and threw it at the last of the dummies shouting, "Wind Style, Rasenshuriken!"

With an explosion that could be felt for several miles, the Rasenshuriken detonated in the middle of the stadium, eating into the ground and the foundation. Needless to say, the dummies were destroyed.

Naruto landed lightly in front of everyone, whose jaws were hanging. What was that attack?

He spread his arms wide and asked, "Well, do you have any guesses?"

Sakura and Ino shouted, "Sauske!"

Naruto shouted right back at them, "Hell no! Do I look like that Emo Bastard?"

Shikamaru and Shino were still standing there, jaws hanging. _It couldn't be Naruto. No way. He's not THAT strong._

Shino finally closed his mouth and walked next to Naruto and looked up at him. "It's been a while, hasn't it, Naruto?"

Everyone just looked at Shino as if he was crazy. Sakura was the first to respond. "Shino, have you lost it? That's not Naruto; he's too tall and good looking to be Naruto! Besides, he knows the Chidori, which means that Sauske has finally come back to us!"

Ino nodded. "Yeah, bug boy! And anyway, didn't the Hokage tell us herself that Naruto was dead?"

Shikamaru started forward and said, "It's definitely Naruto. Nobody else could have produced a Rasengan. Jiriaya only taught it to one person, and that's Naruto."

"What are you talking about? He didn't use a Rasengan! I'm telling you, that's Sauske!"

"You were too busy thinking about how to get Sauske after Naruto performed the Chidori. If you had been paying attention, you would have realized that the attack in his hand was blue for a moment before he added whatever he did to the mix. That's Naruto. Sauske isn't back, and I'm starting to think that he never will."

Both Ino and Sakura shouted, "Of course he'll be back, don't you ever dare say otherwise!"

Naruto stepped forward. "All right already, stop arguing already! You sound like you're still back at the academy. I'll show you who I am, ok?"

Kakashi jumped down from the roof to watch this. Every waited with bated breath to see who this person really was. (Of course, we all know that it's Naruto, but for the sake of the characters, please don't spoil it.)

He pushed the button on his sunglasses and pulled off his hat all in one motion. In front of them stood…

Kakashi paled and took a step backward. "S-S-Sensei?"

Naruto looked around in the true sunlight, unhindered by the sunglasses. "Kakashi-sensei? You look like you've seen a ghost. It's me, Naruto."

Everyone else took a step back too, shellshocked into silence. Standing in front of them was a clone of the Fourth Hokage, right down to the spiky blonde hair. But unlike his father, he was taller still. Nineteen years old and six foot two. A very solid build and blue eyes made for a heartbreaker. Of course, both Sakura and Ino had their eyes as hearts right now and were swooning over Naruto. Everyone else was just standing there, slowly regaining their composure.

Kakashi, however, was having trouble accepting that this was not his Sensei, miraculously returned from the dead. He walked over and poked Naruto in the chest, bit his thumb, and summoned Pakkun.

Pakkun sat there in the circle of people, when he spotted Naruto; he walked over and gave a sniff. With an almightily leap, he jumped up and landed on Naruto's head. "Long time no see, kid. Man, you've really grown."

Kakashi was still somewhat doubtful. "Pakkun, I know that I've never questioned your nose before, but are you sure that this is Naruto?"

"Who else would smell like three hundred different flavors of ramen?"

Everyone turned as one to look at Naruto.

"You've eaten THREE HUNDRED FLAVORS OF RAMEN?" Choji asked, amazed.

Naruto scratched the back of head sheepishly. "Actually, it's more like two thousand, but I haven't had most of them in years."

Sakura looked like she was going to throw up. "I haven't even had _twenty_ bowls of ramen in my life…" she said weakly.

"Where did you find them? I must not lose to you in eating ramen, even if it is a futile attempt!" Choji's eyes had turned into flames and he was shaking in anticipation.

Naruto shrugged. "Most of them were at Ichiraku's. I know the owner really well, so I try his new flavors. Most of them taste funny, so he doesn't put them onto the menu."

By this time, everyone was just plain staring at Naruto. They all knew that he like ramen, but this was just plain ridiculous. Before they could voice their objections, Naruto jumped up and landed on the roof.

"I'm heading out now. If any of you want to talk, you'll find me at Ichiraku's. Be warned though, if you come, you're paying. Later."

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Author's Note:

Heyo.

Yeah, i said a week. Yeah, i said fangirls.

Sorry, neither will appear in this chapter.

Anyway, Fangirls will be appearing in the next chapter, which will be mostly humor. in fact, ive even got the name set.

Chapter VII: Return to Konoha Part III: Fangirl Corps

Anyway, until next time.

Xingster

P.S. REVIEW, OR ALL YOUR BASE WILL BELONG TO ME!!!


	9. Chapter 8

I do not own Naruto. Firing Main Blarg.

Chapter VII: Return to Konoha Part III: Fangirl Corps

Naruto landed with a small _flump_ outside the stadium. Quickly grabbing his sunglasses, he frowned with disapproval at the crack that Lee had managed to make in the toughened plastic with his Morning Lotus. Extracting a small pen, he flicked on the power and traced it over the crack, melting and resealing it.

Satisfied, he dropped the pen back into the scroll and wound that back up into one of his pockets. He slipped on the glasses, pressed the button that would hide his eyes from sideway glances, and walked off into the village.

It was strange, walking around in the village without having hundreds of dirty looks pin you down from every direction. The villagers didn't treat him like Naruto, but as a stranger. There were a few curious looks and a few whispers, but otherwise nothing remotely like before.

Of course, that was just the adults. The teenagers and even some of the preteen girls were giving him adoring looks. Civilian and Kunoichi alike, they were staring at him. And not the bad kind of staring that he used to get. Despite the fact that these girls meant no harm to him, they seemed even more powerful and dangerous then death glares.

Naruto gulped and quickened his pace toward Ichiraku's Ramen.

By the time that he got there, it was as though the pied piper had come to town and all of the girls in town were following Naruto. Of course, by this time, he was doing an all-out sprint.

He dove into the shop like someone dodging automatic machine gun fire, tucked and rolled to a stop in front of Ayame, who stared at him.

Getting up, Naruto dusted off his clothes, and said with a smile, "Hello, Ayame. Long time no see."

Ayame stood there, confused. "Do I know you, sir?"

"You had better believe it!"

Realization hit Ayame like a brick wall. "N-Naruto? Is that you?"

Naruto nodded, and realizing the increased noise outside, pushed over several thousand ryo. He transformed into a nondescript traveler just as the fangirls broke the door down and charged inside, ready to claim Naruto as their own. They had a quick peek around, took a spin upstairs, and then charged off to the next eatery, determined to find Naruto.

Naruto sighed and dropped the Henge. Noticing that her father was nowhere to be found, he asked, "Where's the old man?"

Ayame sighed. "My father is in Suna right now. One of his suppliers has this herb that he insisted would make our ramen the tastiest in the world. Unfortunately, he neglected to mention the amount of time that it would take to get there and back. He's only halfway there, with that back of his."

Naruto was surprised. "The old man has back problems?"

Ayame nodded. "Oh, yes. He was a ninja, a Chunin. One time, on the way back from a mission in the land of waves, his team was attacked. They got away with their lives, but my father had some of his back muscles severely strained. They discharged him, and he's worked in our ramen shop ever since."

Naruto took this information and stashed it away in his 'random facts' folder. Most of what he knew was in here, since he didn't know how to organize them into readable files. Even if someone did enter his mind, they would have to spend months searching through that folder to get bits and pieces of what they wanted.

He shook his head to clear of it of the thoughts that had invaded. "Anyway, I've got some friends that might be coming over. You should be able to tell them apart easily. They're the Konoha Eleven. Just don't let any raving fangirls in here, I beg of you!"

Ayame winked and put Naruto's cash into a register. "Now, we couldn't have that, could we? Our number one customer wouldn't be much use to us if he's in a thousand tiny pieces, right?"

"Thanks, Ayame." He said in major relief. "I'll just have my usual, and wrap up three hundred bowls to go. Put the rest on my tab."

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Naruto was sitting in the shop's only conference room, a place designed for twenty people. It also had reclining leather chairs and a long table and a gorgeous view of the Hokage Monument. However, that table was currently groaning under the weight of several dozen bowls of miso and pork ramen.

Naruto had just forgotten how good Ichiraku's ramen was. Seven years of eating his own cooking had degraded his taste buds somewhat, but he could still taste a masterful bowl of ramen when he got his mouth around to it.

He was busy slurping down the nineteenth bowl of broth when a knock came at the door. Fearing the worst, he transformed again, choking in his haste. "Come in." he said, eyes still watering.

In walked… Shikamaru. He looked around quickly, didn't see Naruto, and then did a double take.

Lee was sitting there, red in the face, swaying uneasily in his chair. Shikamaru immediately locked shadows with him. If Lee got his hands on any alcohol and drank it, then he would be nearly unstoppable. His drunken fist style was just too damn fast and efficient for anyone besides Gai to counter.

"Lee… have you been drinking? Eh, why are there so many bowls of ramen in front of you?"

Naruto struggled inside the shadow possession and managed to loosen it enough to say, "Shikamaru, you baka! It's me, Naruto! NOW LET GO OF ME!"

Shikamaru dropped his hands, looking sheepish. Naruto scowled and transformed back into his original state. "Good Kami, Shikamaru. What the hell was that for?"

Shikamaru just looked even more like a herd of sheep. "You've never seen Lee drunk, have you?"

Naruto shook his head. "No, I haven't, and something tells me that I don't want to either."

Shikamaru gave his customary sigh. "It's really troublesome. Lee has no tolerance to alcohol, and gets drunk from the tiniest sip of sake. Even those imported bourbon balls will get him drunk enough to break out into his drunken fist. If that happens, get Gai as quick as you can. No one else can stop Lee in that state."

Naruto nodded as he slurped down another bowl of ramen- his twenty fifth. "Sho," he said, his mouth crammed to the bursting point, "Is ushi how hets hunk, het ushier how sesei?"

Shikamaru sweatdropped. "What? It's bother enough to talk to you when you're in a ramen frenzy, but at least speak a language that we can understand."

Naruto swallowed his mouthful of noodles and slurped down the broth before responding. "I said, if Bushy-Brow gets drunk, get Bushier-Brow Sensei?"

Shikamaru nodded but didn't get a chance to respond as the rest of the Konoha Eleven, save Ino and Sakura, filed into the room. Naruto took advantage of this momentary distraction to down another bowl of ramen.

Everyone took a seat and started staring at Naruto, who was in the middle of slurping up another bowl of ramen. "Wha?" he mumbled, mouth full of noodles.

Everyone's eyebrows twitched. Shino finally broke the silence. "Naruto, you do know that eating too much of that stuff is bad for you, right?"

From downstairs came the distinct voice of Ayame shouting, "Hey, kid, keep a lid on it, will ya? You're going to drive us out of business!"

Everyone laughed, the tension broken. Naruto just shrugged and grabbed a fresh bowl of ramen. "Well, don't just stand there like idiots! Come on and eat!"

Choji sat down and grabbed a bowl of ramen. Immediately, just from seeing how much he ate, there would not be enough ramen. He made a shadow clone, transformed it, and sent it downstairs for another seventy-five bowls of ramen, which Ayame and six shadow clones carried up with some difficulty.

By this time, Kiba, Naruto, and Choji were all exchanging death glares over the last bowl of ramen. They had each eaten sixteen bowls since their arrival, but all three were ready to fight over that bowl of pork ramen. When, all of a sudden, Naruto moved and-

Neji calmly took the bowl of ramen and started eating it, not noticing the killer intent coming from the other three ninja. Everyone else just sweatdropped and slowly backed away from Neji, who was still eating Ramen without a care in the world.

As one, Naruto, Kiba, and Choji stood up, eyes turned into flames.

"_**THAT WAS MY RAMEN!**_" They yelled as one, and dove at Neji.

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Meanwhile, at Naruto Fangirl Corps GHQ. (Secret Basement room Under Hokage Tower)

"See here, Exhibit A." Ino intoned to the fangirls gathered in the auditorium, who were all staring at a picture of Naruto as he was, seven years ago. "This is Naruto Uzumaki seven years ago, as an annoying brat. He shows little similarity to our Exhibit B," She clicked the slide projector, and it switched into a picture of Naruto taken that day. "This is the current day Naruto Uzumaki." She finished hearts in her eyes along with every girl in the room.

Sakura took the stand. "Along with this, seven years ago, Naruto had a crush on me. From now on, it's every girl for herself. We would just like to congratulate the winner in advance. Now, some base rules. You cannot injure Naruto Uzumaki permanently. If another girl gets him, you can try to steal him away, but you can harm the girl in question, and third of all, aside from those rules, there are none."

Ino switched off the projector and flicked the lights on. "Now, we have some tips. Naruto has been gone for Seven years, but we have a few things that we know that he likes. First of all, his love of Ramen is Legendary. Not even Choji Akimichi could match him in an eating contest of that stuff. Second, training. He will train literally from daybreak to sunset or until he passes out. Third, Penguin Sleeping hats. According to Intel that we secured from an undisclosed location, Naruto still likes sleeping hats. And lastly, the color orange. I'm sure everyone here remembers that jumpsuit that he used to wear. Now, good luck, and good hunting. I believe that he is at Ichiraku's Ramen right now, so go get him!"

With a cheer, half of the Konoha female population filed out of the room looking for Ramen, Training Materials, anything that resembled a penguin hat, and everything orange. Sakura carefully sealed the place up and grabbed a bundle from behind the door, while Ino did the same.

Now it was a race, a contest. The prize was Naruto's affection. Let the games begin!

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_Buuuuurp! Belch! Vomit!_

Those were the sounds of Naruto, Choji, and Kiba, respectively.

Three hundred bowls of ramen, two hours, and thousands of glares and sweatdrops later, Choji and Kiba finally admitted defeat to Naruto, who was still eating. Even with Akamaru's help, Kiba had reached his limit half an hour ago, but kept on going so as to not lose to Naruto again.

Choji, on the other hand, never one to turn down a free meal, no matter where it came from, just ate his way steadily through bowls and bowls of ramen, occasionally ordering different flavors just to change it up.

Naruto, however, was just plain drinking the stuff. Despite the fact that six shadow clones were carrying up the ramen as fast as they could, he completely outstripped their capacity to bring stuff up.

Kiba and Akamaru admitted defeat when they fell over backwards, toppling his chair. However, Choji and Naruto went at it for another half hour, glaring at each other, daring the other to stop eating.

However, Choji, despite the prestigious eater that he was, could not match Naruto in eating ramen. He acknowledged Naruto's victory by bowing out of the competition with many a belch and wavering belly. However, Naruto was still eating, to everyone's amazement.

Naruto was on his one hundred fifteenth bowl of food when he suddenly put down his chopsticks, which were slightly splintered from such heavy usage. He gave an almighty burp, stood up, and walked over to the door, opened it, and yelled for desert. By this time, however, over 90% of the dishes that Ichiraku had were piled up in the conference room. How anyone was going to pay for all of this was beyond them. But Ayame brought up several pieces of cake and fresh fruit, upon which Choji and Kiba ate like starved men upon bread.

Naruto, on the other hand, was extending his hand toward his fellow ninja, who were literally emptying their pockets of all the money that they had with them. However, it wasn't enough to cover even a tenth of the bill, not including the tip.

He sighed and reached for a scroll in his coat, wiped a speck of blood on it, and out popped a huge toad, easily the size of Naruto himself. This wallet was filled to the brim with coins and cash, but Naruto rummaged around in it for a checkbook, upon extracting it, wrote out enough money to buy himself a new house, if anyone was willing to sell them theirs.

He handed the check to Ayame, gave another few whispered words, handed her a fresh scroll, and stuffed the wallet back into its own scroll, closing it with three seals. He dropped the scroll back into a pocket and turned around to look at his friends, who were staring at where the frog was a few moments ago.

"What?" he asked. "Did you really expect me to be as poor as I was a few years ago?"

Nobody spoke, just stared at Naruto, who shrugged again. "Well, to answer your questions of how I got so much money, I took several freelance missions a year under an assumed identity. Get the money transferred to my bank account and let the interest build. That's how to make an instant fortune on your own."

Everyone else blinked. That sounded way too intelligent to be Naruto. Then they all relaxed when he stood up, stretched, and hopped onto the windowsill.

"Gotta run, training calls!" With that, he hopped out the window, leaving everyone confused.

Finally, Neji chuckled. "Well, I can see why Kakashi-sensei gave him the 'Number One Loudest, Unpredictable, Hyperactive Knuckleheaded Ninja' title. He really is unpredictable, isn't he?"

Kiba groaned from the floor, "You have no idea…" and Akamaru agreed with a whine, making everyone else laugh.

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Naruto landed outside Ichiraku's Ramen with a soft thump. He slipped on his sunglasses and started walking down the street, whistling softly and hands behind his head, completely at ease after eating.

However, before he had walked half a block, Naruto sensed several high speed chakra signatures approaching him. They weren't anywhere near as powerful as Akatsuki, but they were on par with Chunin. While they weren't a threat, enough Chunin could overpower him. And he sensed dozens closing in on his location, along with over a hundred Genin, plus nearly two hundred civilians.

Naruto didn't know what kind of welcoming party this was, but he didn't like it. He casually slipped his hand into his pouch and gripped the hilt of his chakra blade. Little did he know, that kind of weapon wouldn't ever work on the hordes of fangirls rapidly closing on his location.

He knew that he was in serious trouble when the first fangirl poked her head over the rooftop, forehead protector easily visible. Not only that, but she wore a Jonin vest. Great, now he had Jonin on his tail? Not exactly the kind of person he expected to escape from. Before he could think further, the said Jonin jumped down from the roof and landed in front of him, hands hidden behind her back.

"Hi!" she said, rather breathlessly. "My name is…"

But before she could go on, multiple Kunoichi poked their heads over the rooftops, brows furled. Before Naruto could do anything, they had all jumped down from the rooftops and surrounded him.

In the span of five seconds, Naruto went from being alone and walking without a care in the world, to surrounded by dozens of raving fangirls. But that wasn't the worst part. He could sense that the civilian fangirls weren't more then thirty seconds out, rumbling down the street.

By this time, all of the fangirls were arguing among each other, and several catfights had broken out, except that the Kunoichi were all using jutsu that came very close to hitting Naruto. The first Jonin that jumped down was now engaged in a fight with half a dozen Chunin, sending off blasts of water from her palms.

_Kyuubi, this is getting out of hand. Any suggestions before I get torn apart?_

The fox laughed. _**Kids, if this were me in my original body, I would mate with all of them, but that isn't really an option for you. So I just have one piece of advice.**_

_What?_

_**Run away… very, very, very quickly.**_

_Well, no shit, Sherlock. But how the hell am I supposed to get away? These fangirls are crazy!_

_**You could just blast a hole in the crowd with your Rasenshuriken.**_

_No thanks. I don't want Baachan on my case with several dozens of fatalities. It's going to be hard enough as it is to remain in the villagers' good books._

_**Well then, I think that we should-**_

Kyuubi never got a chance to finish his sentence. The reason was simple. Hundreds of civilian fangirls arrived and trampled over the comatose Kunoichi, of only a handful were still standing. They surrounded him and started trying to force things into his hands, asking him out on dates, and the like.

Naruto panicked. He flared chakra enough to singe some of the girl's hair, but that only seemed to them as a way to demonstrate his power. They fought forward with renewed vigor, slowly backing Naruto into a back alley. His arms were raised, desperately fending off the raving fangirls. Somehow, despite all of this training, he had never once considered how to repel pack of females.

When his back touched stone, he knew that he was in major trouble. Without space to retreat, there was no way for him to keep them back.

Naruto started making seals faster then the eye could see, using chakra to speed up his hands. He nicked his thumb on the way past one of the seals, and slammed his palm into the ground.

The fox within him paled. _**Naruto, you baka! Don't bring me into th-**_

"Demon Summoning no Jutsu- Chibi Style!"

With a huge cloud of smoke, Kyuubi appeared in his nine-tailed form. However, he was the size of a large dog, and looked exactly like a Cartoonized version of himself. The glare that Kyuubi shot him before he was buried by squealing fangirls clearly said, _**I am sooooooo gonna get you for this…**_

Naruto took advantage of the momentary disruption to run up the nearest wall, charging as fast as he could toward training ground seven. Two Chunin, possibly trackers, tried to keep pace and did a decent job of it. He couldn't put as much chakra as he wanted to into his jumps, as that would pulverize the buildings below him, so he had to backtrack to his physical strength and small bursts of chakra out of his palms to push him forward.

When he had almost gotten there, he made two shadow clones and stepped up the energy coming out of his palms and feet, dramatically increasing his speed to outstrip the two Kunoichi following him. All three versions of him scattered in the training grounds, the real one diving below ground to camp out under the monument.

Half an hour later, Naruto was regretting camping out under the monument. Kakashi was paying one of his long visits to the monument that was six feet above him. He was forced to completely extinguish his chakra supply so as to not alarm Kakashi.

Two hours into the visit, he sensed several chakra signatures approaching his location, or rather, where Kakashi was, still staring at the stone. One of them he recognized as Sakura's, and the other couple had to belong to fangirls. He shuddered as they walked over where he sat, hunched.

A few seconds and some muffled words later, seven of the chakra signatures departed, leaving only Sakura behind.

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. A split second too early, as it turned out.

Sakura punched the ground with all of her prestigious strength, splitting the ground next to him and exposing his dusty form. "Why hello, Naruto," she said, swinging the pack off of her back and grabbing him out of the hole.

Sakura slammed him as hard as she could, catching him off guard and knocking him out for a few minutes. She smirked and slipped chakra-reinforced wire around him and tied him to a tree. She then got behind the same tree and undid the package, pulling out a bikini. This was going to be interesting.

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Naruto woke up with a massive headache and his limbs numb. When he tried to move, he found that his arms were numb and bound. Before he realized that he was tied to a tree, Sakura had walked back around, dressed in the said bikini, and Naruto went wild, trying to get away.

But no matter how much he bucked, he the wires could not get loose. He tried a second tactic, banging his head against the tree. It didn't work. As a last ditch effort, he stood up with all of his strength and uprooted the tree, running off with it into the forest.

Sakura smiled and changed back into her regular clothes before resuming the chase on Naruto. She would not lose him.

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Naruto was now fully scared senseless. He hadn't expected anything of this caliber upon his return. Ready as he was for a few fangirls, after what Tsunade had told him, but nothing of this degree. There was a major difference between half a dozen and half a village of fangirls.

He charged out of the forest and through the village, using all of his chakra to go as fast as he could. Leaves flew off the branches as he tore through the streets, whipping branches off the tree until all he was carrying on his back resembled one of Lee's old training logs.

With a savage burst of strength, he shattered the trunk of the tree as he was running by the Hyuga Estate, sending wooden shrapnel cleanly through the outer brick walls, missing the people inside by fractions of an inch.

He tore by the abandoned Uchiha Estate, briefly thinking of seeking refuge inside, but discarded the idea when he saw fangirls with whistles inside. They blew hard, and he ran harder away, literally leaving a dust plume sixty feet high in his wake.

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Choji was lying back in the park, ready to sleep off the huge amount of ramen that he just ate. He had just closed his eyes when the ground started rumbling.

Dismissing it as someone using a powerful jutsu in training, he rolled over and started snoring. However, fifteen seconds later, when the rumbling hadn't stopped, he opened his eyes and looked out upon a scene that he would never forget.

In front of him was a literal herd of girls, all running in one direction. And in the distance, near the Hokage monument, he could just pick out the faint outline of Naruto, running like after peeking into the hot springs, arms in the air, and screaming in terror.

Choji lay back down and chuckled as the last few stragglers jogged past where he was, obviously hoping that he might double back. He would tease Naruto about this later.

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Naruto panted as he turned another corner and found _yet another_ group of fangirls lying in wait for him. Just how fuck many of them were there?

Jumping in the air, he reached into his pocket and drew out a slip of paper that Tsunade had given him earlier in the day. It showed the location of his new home- his father's old bachelor pad. It, no doubt, would have anti-fangirl countermeasures.

Taking one look at the address sketched on there, he reoriented his flight in the direction of the Hyuga estate. His father had royally pissed off the Hyuga when he had bought the patch of land directly across from their home and built a lone house there. It was his father's doing, and it would be his refuge.

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_Inside the Hyuga Estate_

Hinata had finally gotten home after the fiasco at Ichiraku's Ramen. She slipped off her sandals upon entering the estate and immediately headed off for her room to write in her diary. She still kept one of these things, since she didn't trust Ino not to possess her every couple of days for new rumors.

After spilling her heart and soul to those pages, she got up from her bed and took a shower in a room down the hall. Nothing really special there, at least, not until she got back to her room and found Neji and her younger sister, Hanabi staring at the pages of her diary, both spluttering and red.

Hinata dashed forward faster then the eye could see and snatched the book out of Hanabi's hands, but it was too late and the damage was done. Hanabi's look of shock slowly changed to one of impish delight as she looked at her sister.

"Oooh… I never knew that you looked at Naruto in _that_ light…"

Neji didn't say anything, just poofed away with his face as red as a beet. Hinata had a nagging suspicion that he was going to go check on Tenten, to make sure that she wouldn't join the Naruto fanclub.

Hanabi, however, was still standing there, with that same mischievous look on her face. Somehow, despite being five years younger then her older sister, Hinata was still nervous from that look.

"What?" Hinata had finally snapped.

Hanabi gave a look that chilled Hinata to her core. "You know, sister. There isn't really anyone in my generation that I might be interested in. Naruto looks like a real gentleman now. If you don't claim him soon, I might ask father for permission to date him… then he would be mine!"

Hinata looked horrified. "Hanabi! You wouldn't dare!"

Hanabi gave an airy laugh, quite unlike her usual self. "Sister, I would dare. I will see you later; I'm off to join the fangirls!"

She waltzed out, leaving Hinata clutching her diary in a death grip. Naruto was slipping further and further from her grasp. She had to do something, and quickly!

Hinata slipped the diary back into her closet and vaulted out the door. She had to find Naruto! But the moment she stepped outside, something wet fell on her hair. Reaching up, she was horrified to find that it was blood.

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Meanwhile, with Naruto…

Naruto had crash-landed right in the middle of the Hyuga estate. Ironically, it had been in a fountain, like Jiriaya did so many years ago.

He kicked off from the ground again before any guards could come and investigate the source of the disturbance. Naruto flew through the air, noticing as he did, two huge herds of fangirls, literally stampeding toward where he was aiming for.

Knowing that his father had sealed up the place tight against fangirls, he did the only logical thing that he could. He pulled out a kunai from his pouch and cut his thumb, as he would likely bite his finger off if he tried it the old fashioned way. Unfortunately, he was shaking so much that he missed his thumb and hit his arm instead.

Instantly, a fountain of blood gushed out from the wound. Naruto slather his hand in it and flung as much of it as he dared toward the gates before he focused Kyuubi to heal the deep cut.

Landing heavily, he slammed his hand into the gate and shouted, "UNLEASH! UNLOCK! UNSEAL! FOR KAMI'S SAKE, JUST OPEN THE FUCKING GATE!"

The gate stood there, and with a deep voice that sent Naruto jumping back in surprise. "Password please."

Naruto was literally panicking now, as the fangirls were closing to within five hundred feet of him. "Password? Oh… you have _got_..._**to be**_… _**FUCKING KIDDING ME!**_"

"Password accepted. Welcome home, master."

The gate sprung open and Naruto tumbled inside, slamming it shut behind him just in time. The fangirls reached through the bars of the gate, grabbing his hat, but he managed to get away.

Naruto straightened up, felt his hair, and turned around to the fangirls. "HEY, YOU STUPID FANGIRLS! GIVE ME BACK MY HAT!"

Out of the crowd emerged a figure that Naruto had never expected to show up in his fangirl club.

"Sure, Naruto-san. I'll give you back your hat. If you open the gate, that is." Hanabi said, giving him the puppy dog look.

Naruto stepped back as though struck, hands raised. "Do you take me as some kind of idiot? I can get another hat, thanks."

With that, he turned sprinted up the steps to the front door, pushed it open, and locked it behind him with a resounding click that echoed throughout the square. The fangirls gave a cry of despair and began pushing harder against the gates.

Naruto's father had meant well. He had built the house and reinforced it to prevent fangirls from entering. However, he never considered that his son would attract so many girls, Sakura, or so many Hyuga. The poor gates were never meant to withstand the sheer number of fangirls outside.

The gates, the first line of defense for Naruto and his father against fangirls, flexed slightly, and then shattered.

Like invaders that had broken though the walls of a castle, the fangirls swarmed in. Some were immediately caught in traps and dispatched into holding cells. Others were knocked out with sleeping gas and transferred to the said holding cells. In the span of fifteen seconds, sixteen hundred fangirls were locked up in the cells under Naruto's house.

Only three remained in the courtyard. Hanabi, Sakura, and Ino had dodged all of the traps. They walked slowly up the steps and approached his door. Sakura didn't bother to knock, just punched the door from its hinges. They walked inside the house, not bothering to look for traps, since they were pretty sure that there weren't any.

It was lavishly furnished. This place hardly qualified as a bachelor pad, more of a bachelor mansion. Naruto had obviously paid for the very best technology, what with the wall screen TV, easily over a hundred inches, the latest cooking, with canisters you dropped in as raw ingredients, and sparkling tile. Something told them that he had paid for this while he was doing that eating contest.

They slowly walked up the stairs, stalking like wolves toward deer, except their target was Naruto, and not his life, but a life with him.

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Naruto relaxed and sank into the Jacuzzi in the master bathroom, letting it wash away the aches and pains from the eating and running that he had done that day. Normally, he didn't allow himself luxuries such as baths, but he had given in after seeing the amount of blood and dirt on his clothes and in his hair.

Sinking underneath the water for a few seconds, he let the powerful water jets rinse through his hair, unclumping them.

When he got back to the surface, Naruto shook his head to clear it of water, drained the tub, brushed his teeth, and then went downstairs for a quick snack before he went to bed. After seeing nothing but ramen in the cupboards, he got an idea for some fun.

Crossing his fingers in the familiar shadow clone seal, he made three shadow clones. One pulled out a bowl of ramen, one extended his finger, one filled a small saucer with water, and the original sat down at the table, a pair of chopsticks ready.

With a nod, the first clone pulled off the cover of the cup and tossed it to the second, shouting, "Noodles!"

The second one dumped the water in, threw it to the last clone, and shouted, "Water!"

The last clone did two seals and a small stream of fire hit the cup, cooking it instantly. After he put the fire out, he threw it to the Naruto at the table and shouted, "Fire!"

The real Naruto caught the bowl of ramen, placed it down, and stuck the chopsticks in, and shouted, "Add them together and what do you get?"

All four of the Naruto's raised their hands. "RAMEN! RAMEN! RAMEN!"

With that, the clones dissipated, and Naruto laughed. _Sometimes I kill myself._

_**Yeah, that's right kid. Laugh it up. You won't be laughing for much longer…**_

Naruto looked up in surprise. _Hey, Kyuubi. When did you get back?_

_**Oh, about ten minutes ago, after nearly losing three of my tails to those human females. I don't see what you human guys see in them…**_

Naruto shuddered. _I don't see anything in that group of raving girls. _

The fox chuckled. _**You had better not. Otherwise I might just stop supplying you with chakra. Without it…**_

_Yeah, I know, without your chakra, I can't unleash my best jutsu. That's like the ninth time that you've told me. Now, let me eat and I'll go to bed._

The fox withdrew from his mind, half chuckling, half fuming. Naruto took a deep breath and started eating. He had specifically ordered his shadows clones to buy him the densely packed variety, designed for traveling ninja, who were often hungry.

Naruto finished, dropped the bowl in the trash, and headed upstairs to the master bedroom. He wouldn't have preferred to sleep here, but this was the only room that was booby-trapped and had an emergency escape route.

What Naruto didn't know was that his father had only reluctantly slept here after the break-in attempt by fangirls while the gate was still under construction. And as the saying went, those who don't know their history are destined to repeat it. Those words could not have been truer.

He had just dozed off and was about to head off to Kyuubi's cage for their nightly chat, when he felt something touch his leg, then his chest, then in a place where he _really_ shouldn't be touched.

Naruto's eyes shot open and he took in his surroundings in a flash. Three girls were draped over his bed. It was amazing, really. They had gotten through the gates, past the courtyard traps, and past the door's defenses, which were formidable in its own right. Fangirls were indeed one of the deadliest forces on the planet.

But back to the present situation. This was getting out of hand. Naruto reached behind his back and pressed a small switch concealed in the sheets, and the bed split down the middle, and all four of them fell.

Twisting in midair, his clothes and equipment fell out of conjoining chutes and he slipped everything on, rolling to a stop in the dojo built sixty feet under the residential area of the building. One of Naruto's shadow clones had discovered the place while putting new sheets on the bed. Naruto himself had planned on using it for some pre-breakfast training, but now was a good a time as any to use the place.

Half a second later, the three girls landed as well. Naruto recognized Sakura, Ino, and Hanabi. Well, two jonin and a chunin had made it past his defenses. Only to be expected. Naruto's father had only designed the gate to withstand civilians, genin, some chunin, and only a handful of jonin. Sheer numbers had overwhelmed it and must have filled all of the cells designed for those who did get inside.

Naruto finally sighed. "Well, I can't blame you for trying. So I'll make you a deal. If you are the first person to get a clean hit on me, I'll go out with you, ok? But you only have fifteen minutes, so get started on my mark."

They all nodded, speechless after his offer. It was a dream come true.

Just before they started attacking, Naruto raised one finger. "One second, please; I need to take my weights off."

As they watched, he formed a small ball of chakra on his fingers and started tapping seemingly random points on his body. With Hanabi's Byakugan, she saw chakra weights, invisible a mere second before, falling to the ground. With each impact, the entire ground shook. Weights came off his fingers, wrists, legs, elbows, shoulders, neck, chest, back, and feet. All in all, the weights, when fully charged with chakra, weighted more then four tons.

The girls gasped at the way the ground was shaking, and after the last tremor stopped, he raised his hands in a Lee-like style, giving them the green light to attack him.

The three Kunoichi attacked as one, each trying to land a clean blow. Naruto simply laughed and vanished into thin air. Even Sakura was amazed by his speed, as it even surpassed Lee's speed with weights off. But then, Lee carried seven tons, three and a half tons on each leg. How was Naruto so fast?

Despite the fact that they didn't know it, Naruto had to keep most of his strength sealed away, reserving it only for his time of need. With Kyuubi's Tailless chakra and his own massive reserves, they were more then sufficient for day-to-day usage. However, if fighting a really powerful enemy, such as an Akatsuki Member, he would unseal his power in fragments, steadily boosting his energy supplies to match the need.

Thirteen minutes later, not one of the girls had even come close to landing a blow on him. Hanabi had even tried using the Heavenly Spin, but Naruto could match the speed of her rotation flawlessly, so she didn't even touch him. In fact, he had time to make dozens of clones, one or two at a time, to go and harass them, but even those were exceedingly quick.

Sakura had tried punching the floor as hard as she could, in a vain attempt to hit him with the debris, but to her dismay, the floor remained intact no matter how much energy he put into his blows. Naruto's father had developed many jutsu down here, so the walls and ceiling had to be well reinforced to stop accidents from destroying the village.

Ino hadn't even tried to land a blow, instead sitting back and throwing kunai at the targets that were stationed around the room. She knew that she was outclassed the moment that Naruto had taken his weights off. If he didn't want her, then all he had to do was say so, not run around with the speed of a hurricane.

Finally, after the fifteen minutes were up, Naruto reappeared where he was before, reapplying the weights to their previous state. All three girls looked dumbfounded as he pushed open a staircase and bowed them through it.

With a goodbye that had the sense of relief, Naruto almost kicked the three girls out of his house. While Sakura and Ino stumbled back to the apartment that they now shared, Hanabi walked across the street and back into the Hyuga compound.

Hinata caught up with her halfway back to her room. "Sister, what happened?"

Hanabi gave a warm laugh. "I can see why you like Naruto, sister. It has been decided. I definitely want him for my own now. Catch up if you can, sister!"

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The next day, Naruto had instructed his clones to repair the damage done the gate and reset all of the traps. Another sixty clones had gone down to feed and water the prisoners, who would be kept until he knew that they were no threat to him anymore. That is, if the prisoners could be held within such cells.

The moment that the first Naruto clone had walked in, the girls had all started tearing at the bars, bending them easily. Most of the clones had been destroyed when the fangirls overwhelmed their defenses that were set up in the containment hall, but several had escaped to tell Naruto of the news.

Naruto had immediately made more clones that went off to fetch Konohamaru, Choji, Kiba, Neji, Shino, Lee, and Shikamaru. He would need all the backup he could get. He would have gotten Kakashi and Gai, but didn't want to have them having one of their contests in the middle of helping him.

All of the guys had arrived shortly before the Fangirls charged into the clearing, trampling the small plants. The civilians mainly stayed on the ground, though some of the braver ones had decided to climb the trees and buildings to try to grab him if he escaped that way.

Naruto pointed with one finger at the horde of fangirls. "I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU! I HAVE DEFEATED YOUR LEADERS, AND I WILL WIN! ME AND MY ARMY OF MEN WILL PREVAIL! SO DON'T come to _me…_" he faded off as he saw that his speech hadn't had the least bit effect on them. He slowly leaned down toward Konohamaru.

"Eh, Konohamaru." He whispered. "You… you have _that_ jutsu ready, right?"

Konohamaru looked puzzled. "Boss, _what_ jutsu?"

Naruto gulped and slowly lowered his finger. They were royally screwed now. He was surrounded by hundreds of fangirls with no way out. One by one, the fangirls slowly closed in for the kill. Naruto's life flashed before his eye, that is, until a cloud of smoke formed in front of him and Kakashi stepped out.

Naruto was shocked. "Kakashi-sensei! What are you doing here?"

Kakashi glanced back at Naruto, his one visible eye in a 'U'. "I'm helping you get out of this mess. Sheesh, only you and the fourth could attract a crowd this large. I just hope that I haven't lost my touch…"

"What are you blabbing on about, Kakashi-sensei?"

"You can use the Haraishin, correct?"

Naruto nodded, comprehension dawning in his eyes.

"Focus your power toward the Hokage's Tower. There's a Haraishin symbol etched into the back of the Hokage's chair. Get there and I'll meet you at training ground seven in half an hour. Now go!"

"But, what are you going to do?"

Kakashi turned back to the advancing fangirls. "I'm going to hit them with a unique jutsu of my own… and it's not the Chidori."

With that sentence, he pulled down both of his masks. The effect was immediate and overwhelming for the fangirls, who immediately forgot about Naruto. Fangirls started falling over by the dozens, collapsing entirely at the sight of Kakashi's unveiled face.

Naruto briefly decided on staying and watching the show, but several of the fangirls were still closing in on his location, so he decided to leave the rest to Kakashi. He made the familiar seal and teleported away in a flash of yellow, leaving hundreds of unconscious fangirls and seven very confused guys behind him.

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Author's Note:

Heyo.

Sorry about the long wait. This was meant to be a crack chapter, but it kinda broke down halfway though, so it took longer then i thought.

On the other hand, it is much longer then any chapter that i have posted before. In fact, it is 18 pages on MS word. w00t.

Anyway, the next chapter will focuse on Naruto's progress and he demonstrates some kickass jutsu that ive been developing.

Until next time

Xingster

P.S. Comment. The more i get, the more inspiration i have for writing!


	10. Chapter 9

I do not own Naruto. Finish the Fight.

Chapter IX: Return to Konoha Part IV: Naruto's Growth

Naruto peered out from behind the Hokage's desk, checking to see if the coast was clear of fangirls. The only thing that he saw was Tonton, the pig looking back at him with a curious expression on its face. He straightened up and dusted off his clothes, which were still dirty from the running that he had done.

Somewhat satisfied with the results, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a scroll, the one that he had gotten from Ayame yesterday. He unsealed it with another drop of blood and pulled out a set of metallic chopsticks and a steaming bowl of ramen.

Sitting down in the Hokage's chair, he quickly scooped down three bowls of ramen before wiping his mouth, stacking the three bowls back inside the scroll, and jumping out the window, racing at top speed to Training Ground 7.

He got there in fifteen minutes, first dropping off the three empty bowls to Ayame and placing an order for ramen that would keep him sated for the next month. Of course, that would have bankrupted half of the villagers, but thanks to Naruto's massive cash reserves, it only made a small dent.

Afterwards, he raced off toward the meeting place, carefully avoiding the comatose fangirls still strewn like leaves all over the central marketplace, and also the remnants of several store fronts that he had destroyed yesterday while on the run from the said fangirls.

Finally reaching the training ground, Naruto made six shadow clones for a quick warm-up spar before the rest of them got here. He would need it. Stripping off his weights and going at full speed around the dojo had really put a strain on his muscles. He didn't just wear those weights for training anymore. He had to wear them as a safety precaution, so as to not move too fast.

Ten minutes later, everyone, with the exception of Kakashi, of course, had arrived and were lounging against the stakes or paying their respects to the monument. Naruto was still sparring with his last clone, which had managed to land half a dozen good blows on Naruto. Everyone who had nothing else to do was just watching the two Narutos go back and forth, fists and blades clashing.

After two hours, thousands of murmured curses at Kakashi, two hundred shadow clones, and many stares from Hinata, Sakura, and Ino, who were all gazing at Naruto with his shirt off, breathing heavily, Kakashi finally arrived with a pop on top of the fence, grinning like always and one hand raised in greeting.

"Yo. Sorry I'm late. I got lost on the-"

"Yeah, Kakashi-sensei. You got lost on the path of life. Maybe I should write you a map next time." Naruto grumbled, dispelling the last clone and putting his shirt back on, much to the girls' dismay.

Naruto nodded at Tsunade, who cleared her throat. "Now, we are here to test Naruto. We all know that he is powerful. We all know that he has a fan club. But we don't know how powerful he is, or how large his fan club is. We will find the first one here today, and we will find the second one later."

Kakashi nodded and held up a single bell. "I'm sure that you remember this little contraption. It's the same one you failed to get all those years ago. You have three hours to get this bell from me, or you fail. Simple as that."

Naruto smirked. "Only three hours? Are you getting soft, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi smirked and started to retract the bell back into his hand, when it realized that it wasn't there anymore. Naruto was still standing where he was, albeit that his hand was raised and the bell was dangling from it. "Well, did I pass, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi looked like someone had just burned all of his books. "Wh-Wh-What just happened here?"

Neji was dumbfounded. _Naruto wasn't even vaguely this fast yesterday. What is going on here?_

Naruto scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. "Eh, I'm not wearing my weights. That might explain it. I usually never take them off, since my speed puts such a massive strain on my body."

Kakashi looked like he was talking to a five year old kid. "Then, put them back on. You pass, but we can't get a gauge of your skills if we can't _see_ you, Naruto."

Naruto scratched the back of his head again. "Good point, Kakashi-sensei. Give me a second…"

He summoned ten small bolts of chakra, one for each finger, and started tapping seemingly random points on his body. But to Neji and Hinata, they could see that he was filling nearly invisible weights with chakra, increasing their density and weight by several factors of ten.

Naruto let the chakra fade from his fingers as the last weight was filled with energy. "Now, what kind of test do you want for me to do?"

Kurenai stepped forward, but Naruto shook his head. "Don't bother. I still can't do Genjutsu beyond genin level. But my chakra pulse will deactivate any Genjutsu in a ten-mile radius. I don't think that baa-chan would like her true self to be revealed to the rest of us."

Tsunade, upon hearing this, threw a punch at Naruto, which he countered with his own fist.

The two powerhouses of moving flesh met in a shockwave of sound and energy. Leaves were blown away, but neither Naruto nor Tsunade budged an inch, each struggling to overpower the other with their chakra. Of course, if this had been anyone else, their entire arm would have shattered from that sort of impact.

Tsunade backed off, amazed.

She wasn't the only one. Not even Jiriaya could withstand one of her punches, and he was one of the Three Sannin. Naruto had taken the punch, albeit with the fact that he was now hopping all over the place, shouting his pain for the world to hear.

"OWWWW!!! BAA-CHAN! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU HAVE TO PUNCH THAT HARD FOR?"

Tsunade's hand hurt as well, but she wasn't about to starting going on about it. "You baka! That was suicide! If you hadn't done whatever you did, you would have likely lost your right arm! Then you would never become Hokage!"

Naruto scowled and reached for an ice pack that was sitting in the med kit that Sakura had been thoughtful enough to bring with her. "Yeah, well, I just didn't think that you would punch so damn hard…"

He stopped waving his hand around and stuck it on the ice pack, letting out a string of expletives as he did so. Despite his increased healing factor, the pain still got to him, and the lazy fox wouldn't heal bruises unless he made it do so, which he had to do if he was to use any jutsu.

Naruto did just that, and in the span of fifteen seconds and some red glowing that he hid, his hand was back to normal. He stretched out each of the joints just to make sure, and got back into a fighting stance that looked like a cross between Lee's and the beginning of the Gentle Fist.

"Bring it on!" he yelled to the crowd, and they all charged.

Naruto smirked, made a series of rapid seals and shouted, "_Phoenix Spark no Jutsu!_"

At once, a minefield of sparks appeared in front of them. Kakashi, Tsunade, and the rest of the older crowd stopped, amazed at what Naruto had done. The younger crowd, however, not knowing what this jutsu was, kept on charging Naruto, when Tsunade yelled at them to stop.

Anko walked up to the border of the wall of sparks and prodded one with a shuriken, immediately jumping back. Her caution was well cautioned.

The moment the shuriken had touched the glowing red spark, it glowed white-hot, entered the ninja star, and blew it to pieces with the force of a small paper bomb.

Kurenai looked in at Naruto, who was calmly sitting on the ground, writing quickly into a piece of paper, scratching out occasional sentences, sticking the pen into his mouth every couple of seconds, and just generally acting like a writer.

However, Tsunade yelled through the minefield, "Naruto! Drop the Jutsu! We get it now!"

Naruto raised one hand without looking up from his paper and all of the sparks disappeared with a poof of smoke. They surrounded him, but he was still scribbling onto the paper up until they were just about to start reading it, where he stuffed it inside an inner pocket.

"Where did you learn that jutsu, Naruto?" Tsunade asked, curiosity piqued.

Naruto stood up, grinning. "Baa-chan, didn't you recognized that jutsu? I thought my mother might have at least shown it to you once before."

"Of course I recognized it, you baka! That's the Phoenix Spark Jutsu, a whirlpool country technique. How on earth did you-"

"My mother left me scrolls, as did my dad. I know all of the two clan's jutsus. Though I don't use them as much as I used to, since they drain a very large amount of my energy."

Kakashi looked astounded as well. "I've heard of intermixed ninja before, but… Naruto, just how many bloodline limits do you have?"

Naruto started counting on his fingers. "Let's see here. Umm… Independent Chakra, Final Flash, Haraishin, Jutsu Redirection, Soul Flare, and one that I don't like to mention in mixed company… Six in all, I think, but I can only use two at any given moment, and only five overall."

Everyone was gaping at him again. One Bloodline Limit meant that you were usually hard to defeat. Two meant that you were nearly impossible. They hadn't even heard of someone with three Bloodlines running within them, much less six!

While everyone was processing this information, fourteen of Naruto's shadow clones were creeping up on the group of massed ninja, unseen by all except Naruto, who maintained a link with each clone.

Naruto smirked and jumped behind Kakashi, making a modified tiger seal in the process. Kakashi realized what he was about to do a split second too late, as the other fourteen Narutos charged out of the underbrush, all of their hands in a modified tiger seal as well.

He charged forward, extending his hand. "Introducing Kakashi-sensei's Number one Jutsu!" He yelled. "Sacred Konoha Finger Taijutsu; A Thousand Years of Death!"

With that, fifteen sets of charged chakra fingers were forcibly forced up fifteen unlucky rectums, and fifteen people went flying, hands covering their asses in pain.

Naruto shouted after the airborne figure that was Kakashi. "HAH! THAT WAS PAYBACK, KAKASHI-SENSEI! I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN!"

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Kakashi flew through the air, his ass feeling like the time where he had landed on the stove at Ichiraku's Ramen. Naruto wasn't fooling around when he said that this was payback. Judging from the amount of burning, the amount of chakra was roughly equal to the amount used in a Rasengan.

He shook his head, tears of pain flying in the process. _Why did I ever show him that technique?_ Kakashi thought as he landed in the river nearby, just as Naruto did, eight years ago.

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The Kunoichi, ranging from Tsunade to Hinata, were in different states of mind after the jutsu. They weren't nearly as affected by the jutsu as a guy was, since by nature's law, something bigger then that had to go in that… ahem, general… area anyway.

Tsunade, Kurenai, Anko, and Tenten were literally steaming in anger. How dare Naruto stick his fingers up their asses? He would burn for this!

However, Sakura and Ino were both in shock at the technique. Sakura had only seen it used once before, and that had been on Naruto. However, being Co-presidents of the Naruto Fangirl Association, they didn't really mind having their target stick his fingers up their asses.

Hinata was in a mind category of her own. Unknown to most people, all females have an 'Inner Self'. Thanks to Sakura's inability to express herself on the outside, her 'Inner Self' developed rather quickly and was now quite mature. Usually, the 'Inner Self' never appears, and dies with the girl. However, when enough emotions build up, or they are at a crossroads about something major and it is driving them crazy, the 'Inner Self' can emerge and start talking to the person proper.

That shove of the finger up the ass was just enough for Inner Hinata to emerge, fully fledged and ready to make Hinata blush to no end. This was the exact opposite of her, eager to confess and take on the world. However, unless Hinata allowed it, Inner Hinata would just remain that, inside. Forever whispering in her ear, but never getting a chance to make the decision.

Inner Hinata stretched, finally free. Taking a quick poke at Hinata's dreams, desires, and memory, she grinned. _Oh, yeah! Naruto stuck his fingers up my-_

Shikamaru, Choji, Lee, Neji, Kiba, Shino, and Gai were all flying upward, hands covering their asses; mouths open in a soundless howl of pain. There were two things on their minds. One was obviously the pain, and the other was, _I am going to kill Naruto and Kakashi!_

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Naruto sat back down, pulling out his pen and paper again. Jiriaya had left him in a very tricky spot. He was supposed to finish the Make-Out Paradise series, but he was missing, for the lack of a better term, _research._

He now knew fully why Jiriaya needed to do his _research_ while writing these books. For smut, they were surprisingly high quality. He needed to be able to generate these images in his mind before he could put them down on paper. Without that _research_, there was no way that he could finish the series on a timely fashion.

Naruto scratched out two more sentences as was about to replace them with slightly more developed ones when the fifteen people that he had hit with the 'Thousand Years of Death' landed around him with huge thumps and yells of pain.

He sighed, slipped the paper back into the inside pocket, and stood back up, brushing the dirt off his pants.

"Well, are you going to come at me or not? Isn't this a test, after all?"

Everyone, with the exception of Hinata, who was still arguing with her inner self, shouted curses at Naruto and charged him. Naruto just grinned and made three more seals, activating one of his personally created jutsu- his first ever.

"_Sexy no Jutsu!_" he shouted, and his body was enveloped in a cloud of smoke.

As it cleared, the now infamous figure of Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu form was revealed. The moment it did, Kakashi and the rest of the guys face vaulted, blood dripping from their noses as if someone had turned on a faucet. Everyone else just sweatdropped and Tsunade was stalking forward, one fist raised in the air like she was about to clobber Naruto.

Naruto started laughing the moment he transformed back, rolling around on the ground. Between the various attempts by Tsunade to smash his skull and Lee's new Morning Lotus, it was quite an achievement that he only got away with a handful of bruises from Choji's Human Boulder, which had hit him as Shikamaru had tried to hold him in place with his shadow possession.

Finally, Naruto got fed up and crossed his fingers, focusing a small chunk of his available chakra, and shouted, "_Multi Shadow Clone no Jutsu_!"

The clouds of smoke that covered the forest were enormous, easily covering the sun and sending the training ground into darkness. When they finally dissipated, they were completely surrounded by Naruto clones, some grinning, others making rude hand signs, and yet others catching a quick doze in the shade of a tree.

There were so many clones that even Kakashi lost count of how many there were. Thousands upon thousands of sets of blue eyes stared at the small group of the now-horribly outnumbered ninja. As one, every single one of the clones made their fingers into a modified tiger seal, and everyone else cringed and placed their hands over their asses to save them from the torture of the 'Thousand Years of Death' again.

The real Naruto grinned and lowered his own arms, causing the other clones to relax as well. A number of the more perverted ones started ogling the girls and were immediately dispersed by the more proper clones standing near them.

Naruto shook his head. Despite his best efforts, some of his clones took on his slightly perverted nature. He had been directly taught by two perverts, one of which wrote perverted literature, and which the other one read. He had also been indirectly and briefly taught by Ebisu, who was a closet pervert.

Even now, he still didn't have full control over his clones while not in combat. He had to admit it was interesting to watch thousands of versions of himself arguing about every which thing that he could think of, but the same thing happened with Kyuubi when he visited him every night.

Naruto decided to encircle a small group of clones and have the rest back off and stand still as targets. He was going to demonstrate one of his bloodlines and one of his new jutsu at the same time. Bullet Rasengan.

"All right, everyone, stand back. You're about to see one of the lost ninja bloodlines in action, along with a jutsu developed by the Fourth Hokage!" He shouted to the ninja standing nearby, and they immediately retreated. They knew what the jutsu was, and they all knew how much damage it could do.

Naruto and the small group of chosen clones stood in a line, rather like a firing squad would, and faced the other, much larger group of clones. At once, six of the clones got down on one knee and squinted, raising their hands with all five digits extended.

The real Naruto remained standing, along with three of his clones. They did the same thing as the other group did, eyes closed in concentration. After a few seconds, something happed with that group of ten Narutos that completely changed their image of him and his chakra control forever

Naruto was forming, along with his clones, fourteen Rasengan each. But they weren't full size Rasengan. In each hand, at the tips of each finger, was a fully formed Rasengan, spiraling just like the full sized ones. In his palm, however, were two Rasengan, slightly larger then the ones on his fingertips, but orbiting each other like two stars would in a binary system.

As soon as they were formed, Naruto's eyes snapped open and he shouted, along with the rest of the clones, "_Bullet Rasengan!_"

The moment that he shouted that, the Rasengan left the hands of the Narutos and pelted toward the clones at a blinding speed. As soon as one hit, it shrank slightly and the clone disappeared in a poof of smoke. However, that wasn't the most amazing thing.

All of the firing Narutos were regenerating Rasengan as fast as they fired them. Before lone, a new clearing had been generated from all of the Rasengan that had missed or had run out of targets. Needless to say, there were no more target clones.

The few clones left next to Naruto were all panting, but still able to stand. They each walked over and touched the real one of the forehead, poofing away when they did so. This seemed to recharge Naruto of some of his lost energy, but he still went down on one knee, panting heavily.

Tsunade and Sakura rushed over, being Medical Ninja, but Naruto waved them away.

"Hey, Kiba, could I borrow a solder pill or two? I left mine in my house this morning."

Kiba obliged, throwing over his bag of Solder Pills. Naruto selected five and tossed the rest back to Kiba, who caught them and dropped it back in his pouch. He crunched up one, gagging at the bitter taste. He had never like these things and only took them as a last resort.

But despite his strength, making three thousand shadow clones, then forming over two hundred Rasengan still took a lot out of him, especially in his current form. If he was to continue on, he had to have more energy, and unsealing certain parts was out of the question.

Naruto grimaced as the pill took effect, recharging his energy from his body's reserves. He stood up, stretched, and pulled out the hilt of his blade, activated it, and motioned for Tenten to come nearer. She obliged and summoned one of her own blades, and the kenjutsu fight began.

Despite his best efforts in training, he was still outclassed, though not by much. Tenten was a weapons specialist, so it was hardly surprising when one of her blows knocked past Naruto's guard and he suddenly found the hardened edge of her katana at his throat.

Naruto sighed and deactivated his blade. He still needed plenty of help in the area of weapons. Sparring against yourself only got you so far, and he really wasn't ever in the mood to summon Gamakichi and have him moan on about he would be cut to ribbons if they sparred with swords.

But the next test, a full-on spar with both Lee and Gai was going to be tricky. Despite the fact that he was faster then both of them, his lotus was a poor imitation of Lee's. He was still sloppy in most of his fighting, using only intermediate forms. After fifteen minutes of the inner eight gates opening and closing, Naruto won by creating two clones, which kept them busy as he used yet another 'Thousand Years of Death' to incapacitate them, and from there to knock them out.

Kurenai, still scowling from the first 'Thousand Years of Death' incident, walked forward to test him on Genjutsu. True to his word, his Genjutsu was barely beyond academy level, only able to produce simple images, and even then imperfectly. However, his ability to break Genjutsu had increased hundredfold. His chakra pulse could neutralize any Genjutsu, with the exception of Tsunade's, for ten miles around.

He was lucky to do so, as the Genjutsu of several revived fangirls, who were all jonin, was dispelled, and Naruto could then flee, shouting curses all the while. When he finally made it back to the training grounds, half an hour later, everyone had taken up Shikamaru's favorite pastime, watching clouds.

Naruto face vaulted and came up with a sweatdrop. "What?" he shouted to the assembled crowd. "THIS MORNING, IVE BEEN BUSY! WHAT WITH FUCKING FANGIRLS ALL MORNING SINCE I WOKE UP!"

Everyone turned over in slow motion to watch him with wide eyes. Naruto immediately tried to backtrack.

"Ooohh, that came out wrong. I mean, eh. I've been busy trying to get rid of _the_ fucking fangirls."

Everyone just kept on staring at him like he was some kind of weirdo. All except for Hinata, who was redder then a tomato and looked like she was struggling just to stay conscious.

Naruto swore and raised his hands in the tiger seal again. The gather ninja stared at his hand for a second, then started talking amongst themselves. Nobody wanted a repeat of the 'Thousand Years of Death', well, maybe except for Sakura, Ino, and Inner Hinata, of course.

Naruto just smirked and swung on his jacket. "Hey, Baa-chan. I'll be home when you want to give me my new rank. Just push the intercom. It doesn't let any females in unless I personally escort them, and I'll be busy training. Gotta run!"

With that, he used the Haraishin and sped back to his house in a yellow flash.

The moment he left, Tsunade and Kakashi both gave great long whistles, Kakashi a low pitched church organ, Tsunade, a steam whistle. Both of them had expected Naruto to be powerful, judging from what he had shown the Konoha Eleven yesterday, but nowhere near this.

Kakashi whispered, "That boy… has matched Minato-sensei in not only looks, but in power as well. With some work, he'll do fine as your successor."

Neji stepped forward and added his bit to the conversation. "Not quite. While he was demonstrating some of his new techniques, my Byakugan detected five new sets seals on his body, in addition the two that were already there. If those first two seals are anything to go by, he wasn't even using a tenth of his true power."

All of the adults knew what Neji was talking about in the first two seals. They were the Four Symbols Seal and the Eight Trigrams Seal, both used to contain the Nine- Tailed fox within him. Without Jiriaya, however, there was no way for them to tell what could be hidden behind the new seals.

Kurenai nodded. "His Genjutsu skills have come a long way. Before he left, he had trouble doing more then a Henge. Now his mastery has come to equal some of the more experienced Genin in the village. I think that we can all agree that Naruto will never specialize in Genjutsu, but he has the basics down."

Anko stepped forward, hands in her pockets. "The brat's really grown since the land of waves. He's certainly surpassed me, though I might have an advantage if I ever decide to join the ranks of his fangirls. He hates them, but he won't kill them."

Gai gave his 'nice guy' pose and flashed his teeth, nearly blinding everyone else in the process. "HIS FLAMES OF YOUTH BURN MORE BRIGHTLY THEN EVER BEFORE! HE IS INDEED A SPLINDED NINJA!"

Tsunade scowled as she twiddled her thumb in her ear, trying to clear it out after Gai's deafening announcement. "Alright then. The only thing left is to figure out what rank to promote him to."

Kurenai and Anko both said 'Tokubetsu Jonin', or Special Jonin, one step down from a full Jonin. Gai recommended a full Jonin promotion, but Kakashi's answer came as a major surprise.

"Chunin." Kakashi said, and everyone else in the clearing stared at him with amazement.

Tsunade swallowed her amazement. "And why only a chunin?"

Kakashi raised one finger. "For several reasons. One, despite all he's grown, he remains as bumbling as ever. Jonin and Special Jonin often have to go on _stealth_ missions, and I don't think that Naruto and stealth would mix too well. Two, if he becomes a jonin, he may decide to take up a Genin team. I don't think that anyone here would want him teaching the 'Thousand Years of Death' to three Genin who could… miss."

Everyone winced at this. The 'Thousand Years of Death' was painful enough if it hit properly. But if Naruto's aim dropped even a bit, there could be some unintended consequences. Inner Hinata was literally drooling at the prospect of a misplaced 'Thousand Years of Death' by Naruto.

Kakashi raised his hand again, calling attention back to himself. "And I have a third point. Jonin often take a very visible role in a village's image. If he becomes a Jonin, I think that might act as a signal flare for Akatsuki to come running again."

Tsunade nodded. "So you don't think that Naruto is responsible enough to be a Jonin yet, right?"

Kakashi nodded back. "Yeah. Besides, that jutsu of mine that he uses is really annoying at the rate of which he does it."

Tsunade sighed and leaned up against a tree. She was really at a loss for what to do. Kakashi made sense, but so did the other Jonin. After contemplating for a few minutes, she stood up.

"Kakashi, for once, and I know how this ridiculous this sounds, I'm going to take Gai's advice instead of yours. We need all the jonin we can get our hands on at the moment, and Naruto is perfect for the picking. Kakashi, I need you to go to the storage site and grab him a new headband. Kurenai, get him a jonin vest. We'll break the news to him tomorrow."

The jonin nodded and leapt from the newly minted clearing next to the monument. Anko was off to tell Naruto's fangirl corps of his new powers, Kakashi was off to read, Gai was off to train to match Naruto's 'Flames of Youth', and Kurenai was off to get the join vest. Tsunade just sat down where she was and rubbed her knuckles in her face.

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Meanwhile, with Naruto.

"FUCK! IS THERE NO END TO THE POWER OF THE FANGIRL?"

Naruto was running though the town again, being chased by more fangirls. Despite passing out cold only two hours before, they were all back and chasing Naruto again. He now wondered if Akatsuki had somehow possessed these girls to harass him. It was a remote possibility, but still possible.

He had swung by his house twice, only to see that workmen were still busy repairing the gate. Knowing that it would be futile to try to seek shelter there, on his third round, he dove over the wall and into the lion's den, figuratively.

Naruto had decided to seek refuge in the Hyuga Estate.

After poking his head over the wall to make sure that the rabid females were gone, he decided to hop back over the wall and hide inside his own house. Before he could make the jump, however, a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.

"N-Naruto-kun?"

Naruto spun around to see Hinata standing there, poking two fingers and blushing. Even to this day, he still didn't know why she did that. She might be sick or something, he didn't really know, and he _really_ didn't have time to think about it right now.

"Oh, hey, Hinata. Sorry about dropping in like this. Well, I have to go now, bye!" he whispered and tried to hop over the wall, but a small hand on his lower back stopped him halfway over.

Naruto turned around to look at Hinata, face scrunched up in confusion. "Wha-" he began, but paled at the sight of a dust cloud signaling another group of fangirls.

Hinata was redder then a lobster, and her inner self was cheering her on, filling her mind with certain things that she wanted to do, but would never get the chance to before passing out. Naruto quickly ducked back down and transformed into a rock as the fangirls stormed by, trying to find some trace of Naruto.

The ninja in question breathed a deep sigh of relief and transformed back into his normal self. "Thanks, Hinata. I owe you one."

Hinata nodded, still extremely red in the face. Inner Hinata took this information and stored it away in a vault, making sure to come back to it later.

Naruto nodded again and transformed into a small red fox, the preferred hunting form of Kyuubi when Naruto gave him his free time.

Both Hinata and her inner self immediately squealed, "Kawaii!" and tried to hug Naruto like a stuffed animal. He took it for a second, realizing that he need to pay Hinata back for saving him from the fangirls. Naruto would immediately regret this.

Despite the fact that he had transformed, Hinata still knew that what she was hugging was Naruto. So, instinct took over and she folded, almost in half, catching Naruto's fox form in between the ground and her… ehem. Well, you get the point.

Normally, he would have just set Hinata to the side and moved on. But it wasn't normal right now. If he transformed back, the force of the jutsu would send Hinata flying. With her unconscious, the results could be very nasty if she hit the ground before he could catch her.

So he tried squirming out. Not the best of ideas that he had come up with that day, and that was saying something. He only managed to get himself even further trapped in between her… ehem. So he sat there like a sack of potatoes until she stirred, which took a surprisingly short time.

When Hinata stirred, he flicked his tail in annoyance and tried to get out again. What he didn't realize was that his tail flicking had brushed her stomach, forcing her to squirm, realize where she was, and pass out again.

Naruto sighed internally and managed to cross his two paws and mutter, "_Multi Shadow Clone no Jutsu._"

Immediately, sixteen small foxes appeared and started rolling Hinata off of him. It was still quite a feat. Despite how strong Naruto was, he didn't want to wake Hinata up and have them in this position, so the foxes had to rely on their natural powers, which were not all that strong.

Finally, after five minutes of heaving and shoving, Hinata was rolled to the side and Naruto got up on all fours, shook his fur once, and then had one clone transform back to put Hinata next to a tree. That way, she would wake up in a sitting position, not sprawled in the cobblestones of the courtyard.

After the clone finished, it transformed back into a fox. At Naruto's command, all of the foxes hopped up to the ledge, and after making sure the coast was clear, sneaked across as a pack to the recently repaired gates of Naruto's house. He slashed his thumb, and they were in, the gates swinging soundlessly closed behind them.

This time, he didn't take any chances. He barred the gate by applying a thick steel bar across his side, locked it with some mid-level seals, and made the place look like just another patch of wall. _That should hold until morning_, he thought.

Exhausted, he let the clones dissipate and he transformed back into his normal self, climbing the stairs and opening the door with a drop of blood. His clones had managed to seal everything, and you needed Naruto's blood to use anything in the house, including the toilet. It was a safety precaution in the even that fangirls managed to make their way into the house.

Naruto climbed into bed, shucked his shirt and shoes, and dropped off to sleep. It had been a very, very, very long day, and tomorrow was bound to be just as long.

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Hinata woke up in the courtyard, propped up against a tree. She tried to remember how she had gotten here, but there was really no need. Her inner self remembered everything that had happened while she was out.

As she slowly opened her eyes, Neji and Hanabi slowly came into focus. They were both staring at her with some concern, but Hanabi's gaze was mostly jealousy. Neji looked bemused, and, as her eyes slowly focused, she saw that her father was standing behind the two, looking anything but.

Hinata gulped, not something she did very often. This was going to be a very long night…

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Author's Note.

Heyo!

Well, here's the next chapter. Thats going to be the last crack chapter for quite a while, as i begin a serious arc with the next chapter.

On another note, this piece has finally breached the 50K mark! W00T!

Anyway, so keep on reading. If you write a fanon, i encourge you to publish on a regular basis.

Also, review. Review. _Review, **Review, Review, REVIEW!**_

Well, thats my ranting done.

Catch you next time.

Xingster


	11. Chapter 10

I do not own Naruto. If i ever bother to buy the rights, im going to eat them up and fart it in Saugay's face.

Chapter X: Mission Denial

Naruto woke up at 6 AM, later then usual thanks to the fiascos of the last couple of days. He stretched in bed, rolling out the knots that had formed in his sleep. Despite roughing it out for the last seven years, he was used to dodging kunai and sfhuriken thrown at him by Kunoichi, not the Kunoichi themselves.

Rolling out of bed, Naruto yawned and stretched some more. He stalked off to the bathrooms, still grumbling about the previous day.

Shutting the door behind him, he quickly took a shower, brushed his teeth, shaved the stubble off of his chin, and dunked his head into the ever present bucket of ice water.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Déjà vu, isn't it? Needless to say, Naruto was now fully awake.

Naruto bypassed his daily bowl of instant ramen in favor of Ichiraku's Breakfast Ramen, which according to Choji, tasted as good as the normal menu. He grabbed his jacket, slipped on a new hat, disabled the security on the gates, and walked out into the street.

He was just about to transform into an unsuspecting Chunin when a cough behind him stirred him out of his reverie.

Naruto turned around slowly, half scared at what he might see. He froze, half surprised, half angry.

Hanabi and a whole platoon of Hyuga, all teenage girls, were trapped in the netting that hung in the courtyards. He had instructed his shadow clones to set them up yesterday, knowing that there was the chance that Hyuga could break through the defenses and lie in wait for them there.

"Hmm… now how did you get there?"

Hanabi glared at him. "How do you think, you baka?"

Naruto scratched his head, shrugged, and headed back out the gates. "I don't know, but you'll tell me when I get back. For now, I'll leave you some company." He made six shadow clones and instructed them to stand guard over the girls.

He stopped again when Hanabi yelled at him.

"HEY! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE BACK?"

Naruto turned around, shrugging. "Don't know. Baa-chan didn't come here last night, so I'm going to her. It could be in minutes, if I have to catch that damned cat, or it could be never, if I get killed. Either way, don't bother trying to cut those nets with the gentle fist. I made them Hyuga-Resistant, since I had a feeling that you would try this. Oh, you can break through them," he said, seeing the look on Hanabi's eye. "If you and those fangirls of yours hacked at them for three weeks nonstop, I suppose."

He chuckled at the look on Hanabi's face.

"But… are you just going to let us starve to death?"

Naruto pointed to the shadow clones. "What do you think those are for, decoration? They'll feed and water you, just be sure not to make them angry or they might stop, and who knows when I'll be back. The Hyuga can't step into this courtyard without setting off dozens of traps, so they can't help you."

At this, he punched one clone with a scowl, who was ogling the girls. Why was there always a perverted one in the bunch? The rest of the clones looked up from their game of 'Go Fish', shrugged, and went back to playing.

"Got any twos?"

"Nah, go fish."

The sight of five Narutos playing go fish only seemed to infuriate Hanabi again. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS! I AM THE HEIR TO THE HYUGA CLAN! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"

Naruto shrugged again. "I have every right. You're trespassing on private property, and since we are ninja, I have the right to detain you. The law doesn't say how long, but that's up to my discretion. But you're the heir to the Hyuga Clan now? What about-"

"Hinata has the cursed seal branded on her. She just hides it with a Genjutsu."

Naruto scowled and shrugged. "Well, let's change that, shall we?"

Hanabi seemed to deflate. "Y-Y-You can _remove_ the cursed seal?"

He nodded. "It's not that complex of a seal, to tell you the truth. I'm really surprised that the Raikage and the Mizukage, along with Orochimaru-teme haven't gotten their hands on it already. Anyway, I've spent enough time talking to brats. Later!"

With that, he Haraishined away to god knew where. The girls sat back in their net disappointed, watching the Naruto clones fight each other over who got to deal the cards next.

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Naruto reappeared next to Ichiraku's ramen, where he had sent a transformed clone to notify Ayame to have a bowl of ramen sitting on the counter downstairs, ready for his quick morning consumption. However, what he didn't count on was the amount of fangirls already lying in wait for him at the shop, bowls of untouched ramen sitting in front of them.

He scowled, transformed into a nondescript genin, and walked inside, avoiding the glares from the fangirls. They were pretty sure that it was him, but didn't want to make a mistake and start glomping an innocent kid. So, they let him pass to the bar, where he slipped across a strip of paper to Ayame, who nodded and got his bowl of cooling ramen out.

Naruto ate as quickly as he could without attracting attention, which was slow by his and Choji's standards, but would have been blazing for anyone else watching. Luckily, no one else was watching, since all of the fangirls were staring at the door, waiting to pounce the moment that Naruto poked his head inside.

After finishing, he rushed out the door and jumped onto the nearest rooftop before transforming back into himself. The morning dew was still clinging to most of the grass and trees, giving them a reflective look. He breathed in deeply. This was the village that he remembered in the morning.

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Tsunade was not in the best of moods. She had gone up to Naruto's door and pressed the intercom for half an hour before he had come out. Once there, the 'Naruto' told her that the real Naruto was asleep. It just _had_ to be a shadow clone, didn't it?

On top of that, Shizune was harassing her about finishing her paperwork, drinking less, and to quit gamboling so much. In other words, the daily shouting. Not that she would pay attention, but it did make her assistant feel better about herself.

She had just taken another sip of sake, this time disguised as a western drink- coffee, when three extremely loud bangs came through the door. She sighed and said, "Come in."

Naruto bounded in with a grin on his face and two bowls of ramen held out as a peace offering. They had no doubt come from his stash in the scroll. When she refused, he shrugged and downed both bowls of noodles, summoned two clones to take them back, and sat down in front of the Fifth Hokage.

"Well, Baa-chan? How did I do?"

Tsunade considered punching him as hard as she could, but the shockwave from that might level a quarter of the village, so she refrained. "Brat. You haven't changed one bit in these last seven years."

Naruto grinned. She had left herself wide open for this one. "And you haven't changed one bit, for a sixty-year old hag."

Shizune, who had just walked in, caught the last bit of that sentence, and froze. Her fear was well warranted. Tsunade had shattered the mug in her hand without thinking, and her eyes had turned red. Hell, her entire body turned red. Naruto neglected to notice this fact as he turned around to greet Shizune.

"Yo! Long time no see, Shizune!"

Shizune just gulped and swiftly backed out of the room without saying a word.

Naruto turned around just in time to get a face full of Tsunade's fist. This time, without anchoring himself with chakra and without a counterattack, he went flying. Literally. Tsunade had punched him even without using chakra, but it still had him spinning nearly two hundred feet in the air.

Quickly realizing that he wasn't in the Hokage's office anymore, his mind automatically returned to his training, and he stabilized his flight with bursts of chakra. Naruto slowly floated downward, as if he had a parachute.

By the time that he had gotten back to the office, Tsunade was sitting there as if nothing had happened, calming sipping her drink. Shizune had also plucked up the courage to come back inside.

Naruto landed in his chair with a soft flump, as if he was just floating in for a casual greeting. Tsunade scowled into her drink again and Shizune just gulped. She thought that he was crazy after landing that casually after being hit by Tsunade.

Tsunade, on the other hand, put her drink down and pulled a package from under her desk. It was bulky, since it contained his Jonin Vest, but it also had some other things that his parents had wanted him to have when he had achieved the rank of Jonin. They had thought that he would be ready for their identity to be revealed by then.

But of course, it had been revealed much earlier then that, thanks to Jiriaya. He and his scrolls had taught Naruto much of what he knew, but the price was revealing the secrets that he wasn't ready for. She handed the package over, knowing that it would only bring more pain.

Naruto snatched the package and tore it open. He looked confused at the sealed boxes, but smiled at the Jonin Vest. However, he refused to touch the Konoha Headband. Tsunade watched as he transferred the myriad scrolls from his old jacket to the new vest.

When he finished, he folded his old jacket, sealed it inside yet another scroll, and stuck in his shuriken pouch. But the headband just sat there in the paper, not touched. Tsunade noticed this, frowned, and was about to ask why when Naruto beat her to the punch.

"I'm not putting that on. Yes, I am a Konoha Shinobi. Yes, I am from this village. But I'm merely a Jinchuirki, a weapon to be used by the village as it sees fit. Most of the villagers already hate me as is, so I'm not about to make that even worse. I'll wear it if you order me to, but not before."

Tsunade looked shocked by his revelation. Naruto, according to Iruka, had been begging for a headband at one point in his life. Now he was turning one down? Just how much had he changed?

She coughed and motioned for his attention. "Now, as per Konoha regulations, the first mission after a three year-span must be a D-rank. Naruto, I think that you'll like this one. You mission is to capture-"

Inside, both Naruto and the Kyuubi groaned. _Please don't let it be-_

"Tora the cat." Tsunade finished. Naruto face vaulted.

He got back up, spluttering. "TORA THE CAT? THE LAST TIME I GOT NEAR THAT DAMN CREATURE, IT DAMN NEAR SCTRACHED MY EYES OUT!" He coughed and continued. "Anyway, shouldn't that be given to a genin team? I mean, they need to practice their teamwork, right? I mean, I'm a jonin now, so I really shouldn't have to go find that cat, right?"

Naruto was babbling. Of course he didn't want to go find that accursed cat. No one did. The only reason that they kept on accepting the mission was because of the hefty fee the lady paid for its retrieval. And since the cat escaped on an average of eight times a day, it was good money. Any normal person would have been broke long ago, but she was the daimyo's wife, so all was good.

However, it wasn't how many times the cat escaped; it was the injuries that the unfortunate genin would often come back with. Without fail, each of three genin, and sometime the jonin as well, would arrive with many scratches and bruises, occasionally a more serious one if something happened during the chase.

Tsunade wasn't about to let Naruto back out of this one, however. After nearly killing himself as he counter her blow, and the 'Thousand Years of Death', she wanted to get him back.

Grumbling, he stood up and made six shadow clones. With a soundless signal, they hopped out of the window in search of the accursed cat.

"Now, next mission please, baa-chan."

Tsunade sweatdropped. That wasn't really her idea of a punishment. Sending shadow clones would make the clones themselves grumble, but any injury they suffered would only be broadcasted back to Naruto as information, not the actual pain. It was a good thing to, since if it did relay back pain, Naruto would be a basket case by now.

Before she could look at her book of higher-ranked missions, Naruto cleared his throat. Tsunade looked up, confused.

"Hokage-sama," He began, and that alone scared the shit out of Tsunade. He had always called her 'Baa-chan' or 'that old lady'. Never before in an honorific. "I need to request a mission of the utmost importance."

She nodded for him to go ahead, still stunned.

"Before the Pervy Sage died," He started, and she relaxed. Naruto was back to his normal self. "He left me a scroll that detailed Akatsuki's real plans. However, the last page of the scroll is missing. I think that the plan is on that page. The perv probably just wanted me to go to the trouble of retrieving it."

Tsunade was mystified. "Do you even know where the missing page is? I mean, this might all just be a wild goose chase for a piece of paper that we're not even sure that exists."

Naruto shook his head, fully serious now. "It exists. I've seen an old picture of it, but the part I needed was conveniently smudged and illegible. The document is actually a copy of the mission statement that Akatsuki first made. Pervy Sage managed to steal a copy, and it shook him up so bad that he tore it in half and had the Fourth Hokage seal it away with his blood. After that, it was placed in the most inaccessible place he could think of, only unlockable with that family's blood. They like their blood, so was and is next to impossible to get it open."

Tsunade paled. "You mean…"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, I need Uchiha blood. For that, I need Sauske. The last part of the scroll is hidden… inside the abandoned Uchiha Manor."

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Naruto strode out of the Hokage's office, ears still ringing. Tsunade had cursed him, Akatsuki, and most of all, Jiriaya. She also cursed the fact that Naruto had come forward with the information, seven years later, when two more cycles for his possible possession had passed. If he had been possessed, then they would have to turn to the other survivor of the Uchiha Massacre, Itachi.

He scowled when Tsunade had refused his request, her reason being that "_Sending you within Orochimaru's or Akatsuki's grasp right now is just plain stupid. According to you, Akatsuki has already collected eight of the nine bijuu. What would stop them from capturing you? No, I'll send an ANBU team to Oto and do some recon. No point going there if Sauske isn't himself anymore."_

Naruto scowled and stalked past a group of fangirls, his killer intent repelling them. No one dared to approach him, so he got past relatively easily. The only person that he saw that he knew was Kakashi, who was literally camping out in front of the bookstore, hoping that the newest copy of the 'Make-out' Paradise series was out.

He grinned for the first time since leaving Tsunade's office. _He's in for a really long wait._

Naruto stalked past Ichiraku's Ramen, not bothering to transform himself to avoid notice. The fangirls did notice his presence, but were too scared to approach him. Everyone, including shinobi unfortunate enough to catch his killer intent, flinched. Only one person had enough devotion to him, though he didn't know it, to approach him.

Of course, we all know who it is.

"N-N-Naruto-kun?"

Naruto stopped and turned around at the sound of his name. He glanced at head height, expecting some fangirl to try to glomp him the moment he did so. When he saw nobody, he looked up, expecting a jonin to throw a sleeping dart at him. When nothing was there, he looked down.

"Oh hey, Hinata."

Hinata just blushed and poked her fingers together. "U-U-Um, what are you doing right now?"

He shrugged. "Nothing really. Just pissed at Baa-chan is all."

"W-W-Why?"

Naruto sighed. "There's something really important to me that needs to be done, and Baa-chan won't let me go do it. I asked for a week. Was that too much to ask for?"

Hinata just turned even redder. Her inner self was roaring at her to ask him what it was that is so important.

"Umm… what is so i-i-important?"

Naruto sighed, even deeper this time. "I need to find a certain someone. This person will affect how I live the rest of my life."

At this, Inner Hinata swooned. _Oh yeah! He's looking for someone! Now, Hinata, take him as your own!_

"W-W-Who?" She managed to stutter out.

Naruto sighed, looking away this time. "Sauske Uchiha."

At this, both Inner Hinata and Hinata simply crumbled. _So it was true… he is gay!_

Naruto was thoughtful enough to notice the expression on Hinata's face. He grimaced at his poor choice in words. "I mean I need his blood to do something."

Her hopes were immediately relit. Seeing her expression clear up, he laughed. "What, did you think I was gay or something?"

She froze. That was exactly what she had been thinking. But if she told him, would it offend him? Would he tell her to never look at him again?

"N-N-No." She stuttered.

Naruto, despite being dense enough to be used as ballast in most situations, saw through her lie immediately. "Uh-huh." He muttered. "I'm going to take that as a yes, and run with it. You aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last. If I could get my hands on Sauske-teme…" He trailed off, hands making a very violent motion.

Inner Hinata and Hinata both breathed a silent breath of relief. That was one potential disaster avoided. Now all she had to do was to end this conversation without passing out.

He noticed that the color was creeping up her cheeks again. Frowning, he reached out his hand to feel her forehead for a temperature. However, Hinata simply turned redder at this, and closed her eyes.

His hands however, were still shaking and overheating from his anger. Unable to gauge an accurate reading, he pulled back his hand and frowned again.

Hinata, by some miracle or force of nature, did not pass out. Her inner self cheered her on as she swayed gently, but managed to stay on her feet. However, Naruto's next action would completely overwhelm any self-control that she had and would make half of the village jealous at her.

Naruto had rushed over to a nearby rain barrel, quickly washed and dried his face, and then jumped back over to Hinata, who didn't seem to realize that he had been gone. He used the age-old method of checking for a temperature. He touched his forehead to hers.

Now, you could say that Hinata fainted. That would be inaccurate. Despite the fact that she could now handle Naruto's hand on her forehead, she was nowhere near ready for forehead to forehead. No, it would be more accurate that she slipped into a comatose state.

_N-N-No w-w-way… t-t-too s-s-soon…_ her regular conscious managed to think before she passed out. Her inner self, however, was in a completely different position. _Hell yeah! This is the first step! Take that, you stupid fangirls! I got to get close to him, and you didn't! In your face, bitches!_

Naruto knew something was wrong when Hinata's temperature started to drop rapidly. He opened his eyes to see her swaying, first away from him, then toward him, and finally into his chest.

He managed to catch her before she slumped to the ground. Sighing, wondering as always if he had gotten her sick, Naruto picked her up and jogged back to Tsunade's office, flaring his killer intent if any fangirls got too close or gave Hinata the death glare.

When he got to Tsunade's office, he barged right in without knocking. He didn't care about any guests that she might have had, he just wanted her to cure Hinata of whatever she had. What he didn't count on were the people inside the office. And it couldn't have been a worse combination.

The old Team 8, their sensei, Kurenai, Hanabi, Neji, and Hinata's father were all inside, glaring at him. Kiba and Hanabi looked shocked at the sight, Hanabi at her sister's daring, and Kiba at Naruto's daring. Shino and Neji just looked on impassively, though he could have sworn that they broke into small grins. Kurenai and Hinata's father both looked like they were about to explode in fury. Tsunade just glanced at him, bemused.

"Quick, quick, baa-chan! Help her! I think I broke her somehow!"

That got everyone up, except for Shino, who was still sitting there, looking like he didn't have a care in the world. Tsunade rushed over, beat Neji, Kiba, Kurenai, and Hiashi, took her from Naruto's arms, cleared her desk, and began running a diagnostic jutsu. Everyone except for Naruto and Shino rushed back to the Hokage's desk, worried about Hinata's fate.

"What did you do to her?" Tsunade asked sharply.

Naruto backed away slowly. "N-Nothing. Just checked her temperature is all. I swear."

Tsunade frowned. "Alright everyone. Thanks to the maverick here, I'm putting this meeting off until tomorrow. Now, everyone. SCRAM!"

Everybody besides Naruto, including Shino, high-tailed it out of there. When she turned back around, he was still staring. She scowled and punched him out of the office again, this time in a trajectory so that he couldn't float back down into her office.

When his shouting had finally left her field of hearing, she focused her energy into reviving Hinata from her comatose state. It was no mean feat to do so. Somehow, Naruto had, in his haste to see if she was sick, completely shut her down. It was quite amazing really. No mental or external damage, yet still in a comatose state.

When she finally started to stir, quite some time later, the sounds of fangirls chasing Naruto all over the village could be heard through the open window. Even from this distance, she could clearly hear his swearing as he dove through the smallest of openings to get away from them.

"W-Where am I?"

"Oh, you're finally awake, are you? About time too. You've been out for over three hours. I mean, I know you like Naruto and all, but is this really necessary?"

Hinata didn't reply, and nor did Tsunade expect her to. What was there to say? A crush that spanned over a decade without telling the person in question was unprecedented. It was hardly surprising that she kept on passing out.

"Listen, Hinata. I would be careful if I were you. If the news of what happened today ever gets out, you'll soon have hundreds of bloodthirsty fangirls on your tail. Any one of those girls, including my apprentice, would kill to be in your shoes right now."

"Why? I'm not that pretty…"

Tsunade snorted. "Don't ever think that if you want to get Naruto. They would kill you because you _are_ pretty, and you have one trait that will greatly help you get Naruto. Do you know what it is?"

"W-What?"

Tsunade snorted again, jerking a thumb out the window at the same time. In the distance, two dust clouds could be easily seen. One was Naruto, scrambling for his life, and the other was a horde of fangirls. "He doesn't run away from you."

Hinata smiled and chucked. "Yes, Naruto-kun does seem rather desperate to get away from that group of girls."

"Now, I'm going to give you some advice on how to get Naruto. First of all, quit passing out. You're supposed to your inner self every once in a while, and this is one of those times. Yes, I know all about the inner self. I've got one too, so you haven't gone crazy. Second, pay attention to what he likes. The ramen business has always been good as long as Naruto's in town. Also, we've been importing a lot of orange things and marine animal sleepwear since he returned. However, those are just superficial. I gave Sakura the same advice, but she didn't want to listen to me. Changing your wardrobe wouldn't hurt either. Naruto would never like anyone who backs off at the first sign of trouble. You earned points with him today, even if you didn't know it, by approaching him when he was pissed at me. But a word of warning. Even Naruto has his limits. Eventually, one of those fangirls is going to get through his defenses and he'll consent to a date. If he falls for someone, then that ballast head of his will never turn away. So move quick, and get out of my office!"

She shouted the last bit. Hinata jumped off of the desk, bowed to the Hokage, and charged out of the door.

Tsunade sighed. _Great. I just had to play matchmaker for a shy mouse and a piece of ballast. What else could go wrong today?_ At that, a messenger falcon dropped in. She opened up the message, and spat out the sake that she had just taken a sip of. _Me and my big mouth_. She thought.

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Naruto tore through the streets for the thousandth time since he got back to Konoha. _Fuck! I mean, I wanted to get some training done, but this is ridiculous!_ It was getting harder to avoid them by the day. The fangirls were wising up. Instead of just chasing him like a mob, they would split up and try to surround him. Luckily, every time they did so, Naruto would just hurl a marked kunai as hard as he could in a random direction away from the fangirls, Haraishin there, and continue running.

However, he was starting to run low on chakra. Like Kakashi's Sharingan, the Haraishin caused him extreme fatigue if he used it too much. He wasn't a full Namikaze, being half Uzumaki, so it cost him more energy to perform each movement. He had done the technique several dozen times already, add that to his meager breakfast and being almost dinner time, he was hungry.

His stomach rumbled as he made a shadow clone and had it run straight ahead while he Haraishined into Tsunade's office to take refuge again. However, when he took a glance at Tsunade, he immediately knew that something was wrong.

"Baa-chan, what's wrong?"

Tsunade bit her lip. She really didn't want to tell him, but he would find out anyway. "The ANBU recon squad I sent in was ambushed. We're presuming that they're captured, if not dead."

Naruto bristled at this, his good mood gone, replaced by fear for the ANBU's fate and anger at Tsunade for disregarding his advice. "You _actually_ sent in a squad? Do you have any idea how advanced their tracking systems are nowadays?"

"Just how advanced are they?"

Naruto scratched his chin. "Hmm… how should I put it… let's just say that Oto's tracking system could pick up on one of Akamaru's fleas doing an infiltration mission. You have to tune to your chakra to a certain frequency range to stop them from noticing. Most ninja can't tune their chakra levels, so they get detected. Who was on the ANBU team, anyway?"

Tsunade swallowed. She was not going to like his reaction. "Rock lee, Sakura Haruno, and Shikamaru Nara."

Naruto froze, his expression darkening. Before she could even draw breath, he made a shadow clone to go fetch his stuff. "Baa-chan, I'm going after them. Don't try to stop me. Mark me as a missing-nin if you will, but that's not going to slow me down. I'll just head back to my hideout if that happens. Get the rest of the Konoha eleven together, I'm going to need some backup."

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Author's Note

Heyo!

Whats up people? Just had to get this chapter out. if i had kept it any longer, it would have started to spoil.

Now, to adress some issues that people have had with this story.

Frist, for those of you who think Naruto is overpowered, trust me, he isnt. Yes, he may be only using a fraction of his power, but the rest of it comes at a terrible price. Also, you should see how overpowered i made the enemies. Sauske could take out the rest of the Konoha eleven without even blinking an eye. Sorry, but its only fair.

Second, when will the fangirls leave him alone? Thats a question that im still working on solving. But, as you can see, Hinata has made progress. Thats generally a good sign.

Third, i am well aware of all of the possibilties of the shadow clone, as well as every other jutsu. Naruto just likes to have his shadow clones report back in non-battle situations.

Well, thats all, i think.

Until next time, please, Please, _Please, **Please **_**_Please, PLEASE_**, review Review _Review, **Review, Review, REVIEW!**_

Till next time,

Xingster


	12. Chapter 11

I do not own Naruto. Napalm sticks to little kids, doodah, doodah...

Chapter XI: Orochimaru & Co: Part I: Infiltration

Naruto swore as he grabbed the bags his shadow clones had packed that morning. How could Tsunade be idiotic enough to let an angry medical-nin, an overenthusiastic Taijutsu specialist, and a lazy tactician go on such a dangerous mission?

After checking through all of his supplies, he swung by the ninja supply store to pick up some more solder pills, bandages, regular shuriken and kunai, and a small bag of signaling pills, which would emit a flash of prepared chakra that would alert any ninja in a two mile-radius. It was a risky device, but in the case of Naruto being there, it didn't seem like that big of a deal.

After dumping money on the counter, he Haraishined to the gates. His father had really been thoughtful when he was the Hokage, carving all of these symbols into the walls and doorways of the village. He just couldn't use them when running from fangirls, since someone had spilled the secret of his technique and they were now camping at most of the spots.

He waited there for half an hour for the others to get there. Eventually, he got impatient and made seven more shadow clones, instructing them to give the late offenders a 'Thousand Years of Death', and then to tell them to hurry their asses up and get to the fucking gates already.

Fifteen minutes later, Ino showed up, rubbing her ass and openly scowling at Naruto. She just had to get the perverted clone, who deliberately aimed low with its 'Thousand Years of Death'.

Naruto quickly explained the situation to the rest of them, then in quick succession, summoned Gamakichi and Gamatatsu right outside the village gates. He instructed the others to grip onto the toads back with chakra, and to not lock any joints or straighten their backs unless they wanted to be shaken to death like a rat.

However, convincing the two toads to go at the speed that he needed took some doing. In the end, he managed to make a shadow clone go get some snacks from a nearby shop, slipping in a solder pill as it did so, and promised Gamakichi a hefty reward of sake whenever he got around to buying such things.

Now convinced, the two toads, having spent much time training, focused nearly all of their chakra into their legs, hopping as fast as physically possible. They not only went fast, but high as well. Each time they landed, someone on both toads swore loudly. Only Naruto remained silent, used to far worse conditions during his training.

Two hours later, they had gotten to within ten miles of Oto's sensor range. Sending off a sleepy Gamatatsu and a grumpy Gamakichi, he told the others to set up camp and have a good night's sleep, and not to wake up since he had guard duty for the entire night.

No one else really complained, since waking up in the middle of the night to watch for an attack that usually never came was never fun. Everyone swallowed down some dinner that Naruto and his clones had brought, ramen, of course, set up tents and sleeping bags, and bid Naruto a good night.

Naruto did not sleep. How could he? Three of his friends were in danger from Tsunade's unwillingness to listen to him about Orochimaru-teme's enhanced powers. No jonin or even an ANBU Squad would even stand a chance against some of his lower henchmen. Even the Konoha eleven without him would have an extremely difficult time taking down Kabuto.

He jumped up and sat in a tree, making six shadow clones to sleep for him and to keep watch, since the experience, while it wouldn't bring him physical benefits, would bring him the mental effects of resting a full night. The real Naruto just sat in a branch, looking at the waxing crescent moon, thinking about his last fight with Orochimaru, when he had been with Jiriaya, right after they had left Konoha for his training.

_Flashback_:

Jiriaya stood there, looking at the hideout that he was pretty sure Orochimaru was holed up in. And Naruto knew that if Orochimaru was there, then so was Sauske. He _would_ keep his word to Sakura, no matter what. He would leave Orochimaru to Jiriaya, however. Being with the pervert had not turned him into one, but he did manage to get the beginnings of a sense of caution.

"Listen to me, kid." Jiriaya had said, "You want to keep that promise to that pink-haired friend of yours, so listen to what I say. If Sauske is in there, chances are he'll be guarded by that four-eyed freak, Kabuto. You're no match for him, so call me for help. Once you get Sauske, take him and run. I can handle Orochimaru, since I'm not being drugged by dear old Tsunade this time. Once you get back to the village, request some backup to help me clean up Orochimaru. There won't be much left after I finish with him."

Naruto had nodded and stretched out his muscles, eager to begin. Jiriaya chuckled and sank the entrance to the hideout with the aid of his Dark Swamp. They had both charged in at the same time, kunai held at the ready, and that's when things started going wrong.

Orochimaru had been there, Sauske as well. What they hadn't counted on was the bastard gaining so much power in such a short period of time. Apparently, he had managed to secure the tail of one of the bijuu and absorb it. While it was no match for Naruto's three-tailed form, his chakra control was much finer then Naruto could ever hope to compete with.

Within the first fifteen seconds of battle, Orochimaru had easily bypassed Jiriaya's defense and stab him in the chest with his legendary sword, Kusanagi. Naruto had managed to distract Orochimaru by launching simultaneous attacks with hundreds of shadow clones, and in the confusion that followed, drag the injured Sannin out of there. However, two months later, Jiriaya had disappeared, leaving him thousands of scrolls to read and to finish his series.

_End Flashback_

Naruto sighed, pulling back from the past. That was over seven years ago. If he managed to take Sauske's body, then even he would be hard-pressed to stop him. The Sharingan would detect any movement he did, while any speed or defense he had could also be manifested on Orochimaru as well, thanks to him getting an Uzumaki for his experiments some years ago.

_So,_ he said to the Kyuubi, _I have to assume that Orochimaru has taken over Sauske's body and has Uzumaki bloodlines. This is not going to be an easy fight._

_**Of course not, you baka. Since when do you have easy fights?**_

Naruto grimaced, still remembering the injuries from his fight with Pain, the Akatsuki leader. _Never, though this one might be easier then most. At best, Orochimaru has absorbed one of the 8-Tailed's arms. That's about the same as one of your tails, right?_

The fox sniffed distained at this comparison. _**If you have to use such basic terminology, then yes, I think it is about equal, although my tails-**_

_Yeah, yeah, you don't have to keep on reminding me. Each of those tails grants you three times the amount of power of the previous bijuu. I know that you are three times as strong as the 8-tails, but at least Killerbee and his guest get along!_

_**Are you saying that we don't get along?**_

_Not a chance in hell. You won't call me by my name, and you read those books by the pervy sage. What kind of demon king are you, anyway?_

_**A very lonely one**_. Kyuubi said dryly.

_That- That's not the point. What I'm saying is that Killerbee can transform into his 8-tailed form without losing control, whereas if I transform even into my six-tailed form, you take over. I need precise chakra control for the techniques that I need to do, and you just want to use that mouth cannon or whatever you call it to destroy everything in sight._

_**You disapprove of the Fox Menacing Ball? But I like it! It's a nifty little trick.**_

… _That's a trick? _

_**Yep.**_

Naruto sighed outwardly. _Well, whatever you call it, don't use it unless you have to. I really don't like throwing my own blood at people, especially since my blood is used in so many seals. Try to stick to other attacks, like, I don't know, that thing that you do with your voice?_

The fox grunted but didn't reply, just throwing him from the caged area. Naruto opened his eyes and was greeted by two white ones, staring into his own, concern clearly etched there.

"Gahh!" he shouted, and fell off the branch.

Hitting the ground with a loud thud, he realized that the clones he had put on guard duty were playing a game of 'I Spy', with the third clone leading. Hinata landed next to Naruto, who was rubbing his head with a sheepish expression.

"Oh, Naruto-kun? Are you ok? I mean, I just saw you up there, and I wondered if something was… wrong…" She turned red at the foxy grin that he gave her.

"Don't worry 'bout it. Just thinking about some past events and how to forward from here. Why are you up?"

"Ummm…" She tried to think of an excuse besides wanting to see him again. Naruto, however, still rubbing the back of his head, lost interest in her and focused instead on the clones.

"Hey, you idiots! Get back on guard duty!"

"He calls _us _the idiots…" One muttered into the ear of another who was just saying, "I see a blue rack…" he got no further, as Naruto personally destroyed the clone with a Bullet Rasengan, scowling heavily.

"Now that we've solved that little problem, it's time for the next order of business. Hinata, let me see your cursed seal."

"W-W-What?" Hinata stuttered. She was pretty sure she hadn't told anyone about her cursed seal, much less her beloved Naruto-kun. Inner Hinata crumbled at this, fearing that it would drop her in the eyes of Naruto.

"You heard me. I need to see your cursed seal so that it won't bother you tomorrow. Orochimaru may know how to activate the seal, and we don't want your brain turning to jelly, now do we?"

Hinata blushed and undid the Genjutsu hiding the shameful mark. Naruto bent in closer to examine it, and Hinata blushed a deeper shade of red.

"Hmm… new model, I guess. That's going to be tricky, but I think still doable. Now, Hinata, lie down in my lap. Quickly, we don't have much time before Neji figures out what I'm about to do."

"W-W-What?" She stammered again. Lie down in Naruto's lap? That meant-. Inner Hinata cheered. _Oh yeah! Go on, do it!_

"You heard me. Of course, I would prefer to have you on an examining table, but this is the next best thing. It's best and least painful to be close to the unsealer and on a flat surface, and for such a delicate seal, I have to be careful. If I trigger the failsafe and move too slowly, it could mean your death. Now hurry up!"

She obliged, blushing even deeper as she lay down across his legs. Naruto began focusing chakra into both of his hands; having a shadow clone prepare another unsealing technique that it would transfer to Naruto the moment the first seal was undone.

"Now," he explained. "This might sting. The seal that you have is a new model, so it's going to take just a little more time. The moment that I undo the first seal, a failsafe is going to kick in, and activate the seal. If you pass out, don't worry about it. I'll wake you up afterwards, and you can begin your new life."

She nodded, comfortable in her spot. "W-What about Neji-Niisan?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Never really thought about him. I guess he'll just have to die if Orochimaru uses the seal. Just kidding, just kidding!" He said quickly at the look in Hinata's eyes. "I'll give him a seal suppressor tomorrow. It's going to be short-term, so your father won't get mad at me."

"W-Wouldn't he be mad at you for unsealing me?"

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, never really thought about that. But I guess it doesn't matter. Neji's always acted like he's got a telephone pole stuck up his ass. If he asks nicely later, I might remove it, but not now. I barely have the energy to do one unsealing tonight."

Hinata looked at him with concern. "But, why didn't you sleep tonight?" She said, without stuttering, for once.

Naruto shrugged. "Couldn't fall asleep anyway. Besides, you see those idiots over there?" he gestured with his chin at the sleeping clones. "They're sleeping for me so that I won't be foggy tomorrow. As for the energy, there's always coffee and solder pills. Anyway, get ready, I'm about to start the unsealing."

Hinata nodded and Inner Hinata gritted her teeth. This was not going to be fun.

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Naruto cracked his fingers in preparation of the technique he was about to use. The core of the seal hadn't changed one bit, a Reverse Swastika. But the protecting seals had been reinforced from the double bar to the inverted 'T' seal. Anyone without considerable talent or chakra reserves could never hope to crack the first level.

He focused his chakra into his fingers, made the appropriate seals, and whispered, "_Inverted T Seal Release_" and traced the first of the seals on Hinata's exposed forehead with his fingers. It looked like the green ink of the seal was being erased by his fingers, which was pretty much what was happening.

As soon as he removed his hand, finished with removing the first seal, Hinata cried out in pain. Luckily, he had temporarily soundproofed the tents, so no one would come charging to the rescue.

Naruto quickly linked fingers with his clone, transferring the other technique to his hands. After making sure that the clone was not perverted, he ordered it to hold down the bucking Hinata, who was still screaming in pain.

Moving quickly, he did three seals and transferred the technique to his palm. "_Reverse Swastika Seal Release!_" he shouted, slamming his palm into her forehead. She immediately stopped bucking and lay limp in his arms. Slowly, he watched as the last of the cursed seal lifted from her forehead, floating off into the night.

Feeling rather fatigued all of a sudden, he whistled and a Chakra clone popped in from the night, looking like it had been interrupted in the middle of taking a piss. It certainly didn't look happy and its pants were wet, that was for certain.

"What?" It muttered. "I was taking a wizz…"

Naruto pointed to the other clones. "You got guard duty. I'm gonna hit the sack. Night."

"Hey, hey, wait, why do _I_ have guard duty?"

Naruto looked back from the sleeping bag he was unfolding. "Because _you _wouldn't go and do Elemental Training like the others. So you get to be my personal servant. And emergency chakra supply, but I'd rather not do that. Anyway, anything goes wrong, punch one of those idiots there. Whatever you do, don't touch me unless you want a very nasty shock. Night."

With that, he carried Hinata over to the sleeping bag, zipped her up in it, grabbed a spare, which Lee had given him before he left for his trip, and crawled head-first into it, his favorite way to sleep. Within five seconds of his head hitting the pillowed bottom, he was asleep.

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Six hours later, Naruto woke to the sound of crackling electricity and a muffled yell. Assuming that someone had touched his sleeping bag, he rolled to his feet and threw off the bag like a jacket. However, nobody was near him.

Hinata was clutching onto the bag for dear life, hiding her head inside like a little rabbit. She was apparently very reluctant to get out of the bag, and Neji was trying to force her out with very poor results. Every time he touched the bag, it would buzz and give off a very nasty shock that would send him flying. Everyone else was just getting ready, or eating the breakfast that comprised of the standard solder pills, watered down and shaped into rice balls.

Naruto grinned and tapped Neji on the shoulder. "Hey, you ok?"

Neji nodded. "Hinata-sama does not wish to get up from the sleeping bag. I have tried to remove her, but… you have seen the results."

Naruto laughed. "Didn't you ever learn not to touch a live wire? There's Lighting Elemental Chakra in there. Touching that over and over again will give you a shock that's like getting my 'Thousand Years of Death', except from three dozen shadow clones at once."

He rubbed his ass. "_So that's why… I wondered what it reminded me of…_" Neji muttered in an undertone. "Wait, but isn't Wind your Elemental Affinity?"

Naruto nodded as he crouched over the curled shape that was Hinata in his sleeping bag. "Yeah, that is my Primary Affinity. But I've got secondary affinities in all the other elements as well; I just don't like using them as much. Except fire. Now that's one wicked combo."

He unzipped the bag, looking down at Hinata. Sometime during the night, she had changed into a set of pajamas that accented her eyes and hair at the same time, if it was possible. However, Naruto never got the chance to memorize that outfit, since she squeaked at the sudden light and pulled the top back down over herself, zipping it up from the inside.

Naruto straightened up, giving her fifteen seconds. Then he would open up the bag. Apparently, he had given her too much time. Six seconds later, Hinata emerged from the bag, fully dressed and blushing like a madman

He got back up, dumped everything into a scroll, put the said scroll in an inner pocket, waited for the rest of them to get packed up, and swallowed two Flavored Solder Pills.

After Choji had finally burned the last of his chip bags, Naruto raised one hand. "Now, I need to warn you guys. Between the border of Oto and the hideout is a five minute journey. If we trigger that alarm, dozens of Jonin are gonna come running, and quite possibly Orochimaru-teme as well. You have to step exactly where I do, and not so much as an inch out of place. I know where the traps are and how to bypass them, something that event he Byakugan can't even focus on, and no, it's not a bloodline limit, and it's that I've been here before. Anyway, when we do get inside, I want you guys to avoid Orochimaru at all costs. If you see him or that bastard, Kabuto, I need you to either flare your chakra or drop two of these."

At this, he handed a small handful of signaling pills to each of the people present. "Drop all of them, since this place has chakra-absorbent walls. After you do that, do _not_ engage by yourself. Fall back and wait for reinforcements. None of you by yourselves would stand a chance against Kabuto, since he's been messing around with his genetic code for years. Once either I or two other people get there, then you can start engaging him. If you see Sauske, drop the pills and run. He's stronger then Orochimaru, if he grew at his old rate. If you can't locate Sauske after fifteen minutes, fall back to Konoha. I'm betting his body will belong to Orochimaru, so this is the most likely course of action. If you see Orochimaru and Sauske, however, I want you to flare your own chakra. If at all possible, get a vial of blood from him. If not, kill him. Tsunade thinks that he's too big of a threat and needs to be eliminated. Not that I agree with her or anything, but there you have it."

Ino scratched the back of her head. "What have you done with Naruto?"

Naruto looked puzzled. "Wha' do you mean, what have I done with myself?"

"You don't sound like Naruto at all."

He chuckled. "That's because I'm worried and I'm on assignment. It gives me a headache, but, training has really taught my ass a lesson. And some of my previous employers… anyway, let's go."

Everyone else nodded and they started leaping through the trees. These weren't like the ones surrounding Konoha. They were grey, looked lifeless, and had long since lost their leaves to some unknown wind or blast of sound. Regardless, they were trees, and they had much experience with them.

An hour later, Naruto raised one hand and they landed on the road, slightly behind him. After staring at the lifeless trees for a few minutes, he simply walked forward, not a bother in the world. "Come on," he said, "it looks like they turned the system off. I guess they're expecting us."

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Naruto cautiously reached for the trapdoor, nearly invisible in the rocks that had been used to repair the entrance. It was the same door that Jiriaya had sunk with his dark swamp all those years ago. They had managed to drag it out, somehow, and now it was just sitting there.

When it didn't budge, he retracted his finger, created a small bolt of Earth Chakra, and stuck it into the lock. Naruto jiggled his fingers for a second, and the trapdoor fell inwards.

They were in.

At the first division in the hallway, Naruto instructed everyone else to head off down the right hallway, while he took the left fork. As he passed each door, he stopped, listening for any sound or chakra. Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Sauske, if he was there, would give off both.

No such luck.

As he went further and further down the hall, it became harder and harder to sense the others as they split up even further, scattering their chakra even more. He stopped focusing on them and tried to locate the chakra signatures of Shikamaru, Lee, and Sakura.

He got lucky.

After feeling an extremely weak chakra signature that was instantly recognizable as Lee's, Naruto kicked the door off, sword drawn for any sign of trouble. There was nothing. Apparently, Lee hadn't been that big of a concern to Orochimaru, so he was only tied up and gagged. After releasing him and having Lee swear at Kabuto's lack of youth for a few minutes, they left the room, Naruto carefully propping the door as if it was still closed.

Two more doors down, they had found Shikamaru, bound, gagged, and unconscious, but with two guards this time. Naruto quickly dispatched them with a two Bullet Rasengan before they could raise the alarm.

Naruto made sure that Shikamaru was unharmed, bandaged the cut on his leg, and slung him over his back, declining Lee's offer to do so. Naruto could fight somewhat safely with a Passenger, while Lee would need all of his speed.

Oto was unique in a way, he supposed. Out of all the Ninja villages, big and small, they were the smallest. Yet, they rivaled Konoha in power. Nobody, not even the Kage Council knew of the source of their power.

Naruto did.

Orochimaru had been messing around with human genetics and bloodlines for years. Kabuto, being a medical ninja, could easily assist him in this venture. Every single Shinobi and Kunoichi had some sort of biological enhancement, be it speed, strength, a minor bloodline, and so on and so forth. That made each of their forces step up in level. For instance, Genin often had the power of chunin, Chunin had the power of Jonin, and the elite Jonin could often hold their own with Kage.

However, Orochimaru had reserved the most powerful augmentations for himself. Along with his stolen 'arm' from the 8-tailed beast, Kabuto had completely bioengineered his body, redesigning it from the ground up. He now matched any of the Akatsuki members in sheer power, but often had stamina problems.

Naruto knew that, in his current state and energy levels, he wouldn't be able to put a dent in Orochimaru. Sauske, on the other hand, if he still had his body, would be just as powerful, but without bioaugmentations. That would be a tough fight, even for his second-tiered form.

If Orochimaru had taken over Sauske's body with bioaugmentations added later on, then he would have to step it up to the third tier. Naruto now fully regretted sealing away the greater majority of his power, _and_ having those seals only come undone after certain conditions were met.

However, unleashing the third tier underground was akin to flooding gasoline inside a mine, then setting off the whole shebang in a scuba set. If done incorrectly, it would make the entire base collapse.

Not smart.

He frowned as Shikamaru came to, groaning about how he didn't want to get up and how troublesome it was.

Naruto quickly motioned for Lee to stop his headlong charge in the quest to find Sakura. After propping Shikamaru up against the wall, he crouched next to him, looking for any signs of mental damage.

"Yo, Shika. How's the head?"

Shikamaru rubbed the back of his skull gingerly, wincing at the lump. "Yeah, it's not that bad. Damn Oto… detected us the moment that we got inside ten miles. How did they do it?"

Naruto extended his hand and pulled Shikamaru to his feet. "Chakra Detection Network. Your chakra frequencies stick out like a sore thumb. They could sense you from miles away. Now, let's get back to finding Sak-"

He didn't finish his sentence as he felt the detonation of several Signaling pills. "The others!" Naruto shouted, while Lee and Shikamaru simply looked confused. "Get behind me; we're taking the quick way."

Shikamaru frowned. "The quick-"

Naruto formed a Rasengan in his hand and started channeling a steady flow of chakra into it. He looked up and forced the spiral ball of chakra into the wall, drilling a hole right through it.

Keeping the ball intact, he rushed into the room beyond and did the same to the wall. Within fifteen seconds, they arrived at the place of a recent battle, where Ino, Hinata, and Choji were fending off several Oto Jonin, but were barely holding on.

Naruto threw the Rasengan into the air and kicked the dense ball of chakra at one of the Jonin, who ducked. One of the other jonin charged in, Kunai outstretched.

With one flick of his blade, Naruto cut the Kunai and the man's arm in half. He howled in pain and jumped back, cradling his nearly severed limb. A medical ninja quickly tended to the wound that he had received.

Naruto didn't notice any of this, however. He was being engaged by two more of the jonin, who were making a Raiton and a Suiton jutsu, respectively. They jumped off to either side of him, the Suiton user firing off the technique first, soaking him to the bone. Immediately after the technique had gotten him wet, the other Jonin launched the Raiton Jutsu, and it gave him one helluva shock.

Or so they thought.

The Naruto that had been caught in the two techniques poofed into a cloud of smoke as the real Naruto came charging, a Katon Rasengan spiraling in each hand. With two well placed thrusts, the ninja dropped, holes cleanly burned through their hearts.

Before the bodies even hit the floor, Naruto had shifted his attention to the Medical-nin, who had brought back the first attacking ninja. If he or she wasn't quickly taken care of, then they would be in for a long fight. Long fights led to mistakes, and this wasn't a mission they could afford mistakes on.

Naruto formed a Futon Rasengan in his hand, not daring to make the Rasenshuriken because of the blast radius. He also made several dozen shadow clones to reinforce the thirty or so that he had already made, but were dwindling in numbers extremely quickly.

The Medical-nin noticed and charged his own technique, a chakra scalpel at the ready. With one finger, he challenged Naruto to a fight, to which he so easily obliged.

They both started circling each other, eyes locked on each other's movements, waiting for the slightest opportunity to attack. The moment that Naruto couldn't stand the suspense any more, he charged into the circle, threw three shuriken with his right hand, then gripped his sword tightly.

The other ninja dodged the thrown shuriken with ease and parried Naruto's blade with his chakra-charged hand. That was the only disadvantage to a Chakra blade as to a Traditional one. Anything that flowed in active, raw chakra would have an impenetrable defense to blade, rendering it useless.

Naruto cursed and threw the Rasengan at the Ninja, who casually jumped backwards and out of the way. He recognized the casual fighting stance, and shouted, "Kabuto, you bastard! Take that mask off so that I can see your face!"

The other ninja stopped and put a hand to the mask that he had stolen from an ANBU. As it came off, it was indeed Kabuto behind the mask, albeit older and looking more weathered then before.

"Well, well… if it isn't Naruto-kun, here to save the day. Still playing the part of the hero? Can't you act your age?"

"Can't _you_ quit playing with those dolls of yours and trying to get that sick excuse of a bastard that you call a master to like you? He might go for Sausgay, if no one else."

This had the desired effect on Kabuto. With a howl of rage, much like when he had charged Naruto when they were getting Tsunade, he rushed forward, chakra blade extended. And just like before, Naruto stood his ground and formed a Rasengan, ready to counter the deadly medical tool.

Kabuto had not stopped to think how much Naruto had changed over the years, a feat not seen in him for many years. Normally, he was Orochimaru's logic and word of reason, but even he had his limits, especially when it was about his sexuality.

The few people who knew about Naruto and fighting knew that the last thing that you ever wanted to do was charge him directly. It wasn't that his Taijutsu was great; it was that you were likely about to fall right into one of his traps, or get hit by the Rasengan, neither of which appealed to the common man.

Of course, Kabuto had the bad luck to fall into both.

The moment that he had closed to within five feet of Naruto, the ground underneath his next movement shifted. Kabuto didn't notice, as one does not generally notice a small clump of dirt moving at breakneck speeds. Should he have noticed, it would have saved him the pain and extreme embarrassment of being hit by one of Naruto's 'Thousand Years of Death" and then getting Rasenganed in the chest again.

Total déjà vu.

Of course, this time around, Kabuto didn't have the pleasure of cutting Naruto's chakra lines. This meant as soon as he walked over to the older shinobi, Kabuto was finished. Literally. Naruto had shown him no mercy as he dug a Katon Rasengan into his neck, severing the spine easily.

By this time, most of the other Jonin had fallen without Kabuto to heal them. Only one guy was left standing, a positive seven foot monster that dwarfed even Naruto. Despite the fact that half of his chakra points were sealed, he was still up and taking swings ay anyone who got too close and occasionally launching a half-hearted low-level jutsu.

Naruto was impressed, if only begrudgingly for an enemy, that the guy just wouldn't give up, despite the odds. Whoever this guy was, he was tough. Very few ninja could have Chakra points sealed and still fight, albeit more awkwardly.

He decided to give the poor guy a break, or rather, a much a break as he could on a mission. Instead of killing the bloke, he simply sped behind him and tapped a nerve at the base of his skull, then had a shadow clone pinch a nerve cluster under one armpit, rendering him unable to move for several days.

After making sure that there were no serious injuries, and spitting on Kabuto's corpse, they left the room, Naruto sending out his chakra in waves in an attempt to ping someone else. It worked.

Before long, the rest of the group had regathered in a chamber adjacent to the one they had been fighting in. The search party greeted Lee and Shikamaru with some enthusiasm, with Lee overwhelming them all with his rants about youth.

After explaining the rest of the plan, Naruto swallowed a Solder Pill and flared his chakra as much as he could; trying to sense if there was any feedback. A powerful chakra source, such as a ninja, would reflect a certain amount, and with the proper training, another ninja could use it as a radar system, of sorts.

He found two signatures that returned a signal. One was powerful, easily more powerful then he was right now. Orochimaru, no doubt. The other was weak and fading fast. That had to be Sakura. Judging from the rate that her chakra was decreasing, she would die in less then ten minutes. They had to move fast.

Naruto popped another solder pill and formed another Rasengan, not unlike the one that he had used to get to this hallway in the first place. He stepped back into the carnage, placed his hand to the ground, and pushed.

The floor around him shattered and he fell through, landing on a platform some twenty feet below. The others quickly followed, knowing something was wrong when they had taken a look at Naruto's face.

After the platform had dropped for a couple of minutes, Naruto was getting impatient. Every second counted if they wanted to save Sakura, and he was stuck on some elevator ride! He was about to take the Rasengan and shove it through the metal decking when Lee touched his shoulder, shaking his head.

"It would us no good. Suppose the ground is too far away. If we were not killed, at the very least, we would be injured by the impact. Even my flames of youth cannot heal a broken ankle at the speed that we need."

Naruto nodded but scowled. Lee turned out to be right. The ride was soon over, the platform jerking to a halt. He quickly looked around for the exit, but nothing presented itself. With another annoyed snort, he threw the Rasengan at one of the walls, forcing it to collapse inward and reveal a huge chamber beyond.

Inside were thousands upon thousands of candles, each flickering to the wind and screams coming from Sakura. Also standing over her, a totally relaxed expression on his pale face was Orochimaru.

Orochimaru slowly turned around and spotted the group of Shinobi, all glaring at him. He opened his arms wide and said in a hiss, "Welcome… I hope you like this place, since you will all die here!"

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Author's Note.

Heyo!

Yeah, Yeah, i know its only been, what, three, four days since i last published?

It's going to go alot faster now, since im out of the "Filler Arc" zone. However, this speed will only last to the end of the fight with orochimaru.

However, it will speed up again during spring break, which, for those of you who dont know, is the first week of april.

Now, any questions or concerns can be PMed to me, along with other pairing requests. The main one is Naruhina, and im not changing that.

Anyway, thats it for now.

Until next time, please, Please, _Please, **Please **_**_Please, PLEASE_**, review Review _Review, **Review, Review, REVIEW!**_

Xingster


	13. Chapter 12

I do not own Naruto. Neither does Spriggs.

Chapter XII: Orochimaru & Co: Part II: Confrontation, Tier II, Part I

Naruto scowled at Orochimaru, raised his hands, and made several hundred shadow clones, which in turn, scowled at him and started drawing out shuriken and kunai from pouches. The real Naruto, foregoing his usual sense of needing to remain hidden, generated a Katon Rasengan and held it up.

Orochimaru just laughed and coughed out his sword, Kusanagi. "So, Naruto-kun… You are here for Sasuke-kun, aren't you? Or rather, his blood…"

He stiffened, Rasengan and Killer Intent flaring. "How, how did you…"

"How did I know, you ask… kukuku… there is little that I do know not know these days… tell me, how is your guest doing?"

Naruto didn't respond at once, deciding to charge instead, his shadow clones forming up behind him en masse. "WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM YOURSELF!" He shouted, throwing the spiraling ball of fire and drawing his sword in one smooth motion.

Orochimaru didn't even bother dodging the attack, merely catching the fireball and throwing it to the side and then deflecting Naruto's slash with a lazy one-armed parry.

"Is this all you can do… frankly, I'm disappointed… The great Naruto Uzumaki seems to have met his match…" He said as he grabbed Naruto by the neck and slammed him into the opposing wall.

Naruto hit with the force of a bomb. Stone splinters were ejected at supersonic speeds, dissipating some clones in their wake. They proved to be no match for Orochimaru, who destroyed them dozens at a time in a lazy fashion.

Orochimaru turned back to look at the Sakura's inert form, only to see two clones carrying her away. "Go on, take her. She's already dead. Her chakra however, was delicious…"

Lee looked like he had been to hell and back as he bent over Sakura's fallen form, tears starting to well up in his eyes. In a sudden motion, he stood up and crossed his arms. Everyone besides Orochimaru recognized the start of the eight gates opening. With Sakura in this state, they wouldn't put it past him to open all eight of the gates just to get revenge on her attacker.

However, before Lee could move a muscle, a dark green blur emerged from the settling dust cloud, a silvery-yellow orb in each hand. Orochimaru turned in time to get a face full of Naruto's snarling mask, shouting, "Raiton Rasengan!"

An explosion rocked the room, shockwaves flowing out in waves, nearly knocking everyone else over.

They could only watch as the dust cloud slowly settled, revealing Naruto and Orochimaru, both of their blades drawn, trying to overpower the other. Naruto was gritting his teeth and was struggling to finish the cut downward, while Orochimaru was still looking relaxed.

With a lazy flick of his wrist, he knocked Naruto off and followed up with a swift kick to the stomach, sending him flying into the ceiling. With this slight distraction, Lee forced open the seventh gate and charged at Orochimaru, screaming his pain and anger for the world to hear.

Lee was moving far too fast for Orochimaru to counter, but he could follow with his eyes. After finding no way in through the front, he practically teleported to the back and tried there. This time, he got through.

He yelled a savage shout of triumph, kicking Orochimaru into the air, therefore starting the Reverse Lotus, which in turn would spawn the Morning Lotus. The series of kicks propelled them both nearly to the ceiling, where Lee started the perfected version of his Morning Lotus. Instead of forcing them down with the Morning Peacock, he would hit them in midair and end the Lotus as usual. However, this was extremely risky, as if the target moved, and then Lee would have wasted all that energy.

Lee did get lucky this time, though. The Morning Peacock got through the defense and it hit. After fifteen seconds of furiously pummeling Orochimaru, Lee sent him groundward, wrapping one of his bandages wrapped around his waist. With one final yell, Orochimaru hit the ground with a sickening crunch and Lee hopped back to where Sakura lay and where Ino tried to revive her with little success.

"S-Sakura. Is she ok?"

Ino shook her head, still pumping masses of chakra into Sakura's body, desperately trying to restore the natural balance. Those words only seemed to infuriate Lee even more.

"Then I will not stop until he is defeated! Otherwise, I will not sleep for a month! Gate of Opening, Release!"

Lee only had time to open the first gate before the green blur was back, along with twenty of his clones, all colors of Rasengan in their hands. They all charged toward the crater where Orochimaru had landed. When they got within range, all of the Narutos threw their Rasengan at the central target, creating a multicolored light show that dazzled everyone, including Lee.

The real Naruto landed, breathing heavily. He knew that Orochimaru wasn't dead, only lying there waiting for one of them to go and check. The moment that they did, he would spring up and kill the others just to hurt Naruto. He would not allow that.

Naruto slid his fingers into the shadow clone seal, making six more clones. All seven Narutos raised their hands and began concentrating on their palms, and in the span of five seconds, seven Rasenshuriken were screeching into everyone's eardrums.

As one, the seven Narutos dove toward the crater, arms held back to hurl the Rasenshuriken at the crater. Which they did so, with much yelling of curses and jutsu names.

At once, a spiraling vortex of energy appeared, drilling Orochimaru even deeper into the ground. The others could only watch as the arms approached them, carving grooves in the walls and ceiling. Just before it got to them, however, Naruto reappeared in their midst, made a quick series of seals, and shouted, "_Phoenix Fire no Jutsu!_""

The arm of the Rasenshuriken was deflected onto a different path, leaving a gouging hole where it hit. Naruto's brow was covered in sweat and he was swearing at the amount of energy that he had put into the attack.

Finally, slowly, the spiraling ball of power dissipated, and Naruto let down the shield, breathing heavily. The price of several hundred Shadow Clones, fifty Elemental Rasengan, seven Rasenshuriken, and a defensive Phoenix Flame was extremely tiring to Naruto in his current state. There wasn't much more he could do. He had literally maxed out his current form. If Orochimaru wasn't defeated by now, he would have to step it up a level, to the second tier of power.

Naruto took the brief reprieve to pop in a solder pill, quickly chewing and swallowing for it to maximize the effects. He had just started to get his energy back when a sudden rumbling made them all look at the huge crater in the ground.

Suddenly, a pulse of brown light shot straight up, obliterating the rubble and tearing a hole right through the ceiling. Sunlight entered, dazzling everyone after the dark and gloomy hallways of the underground base.

It was in this beam that Orochimaru rose, arms to either side, his face in a leer. "Really, Naruto-kun. Was that the best you can do? I'm very disappointed, after hearing the rumors."

Naruto ground his back teeth and shot up, following the beam of light to its source. On the way, he formed yet another Rasenshuriken, this one smaller, but spinning faster then the first had been.

"OROCHIMARU-TEME!" he shouted, "GET YOUR SNAKEY ASS BACK HERE!"

There came the sound of a laugh from Orochimaru, the firing of a Rasenshuriken, and then Naruto came back down in a blur, landing smack-dab in the middle of the crater that he had created. It seemed as though nothing they did could touch him. Not the Morning Lotus, not the Rasenshuriken. Even injured as he was, Shikamaru knew that they were in a very bad position.

Naruto however, knew that fighting like this was futile. In the end, the only possible result would be their deaths. It was time for him to step it up a level, to the Second Tier of Power.

_Kyuubi. I'm gonna need some power._

_**Kid, what makes you so sure that I'm gonna give it to you?**_

Naruto pointed up, where Orochimaru was hovering, laughing down at him. _Because if you don't, that bastard is gonna kill all of us. I can't match him in my current power levels. I need more energy._

_**Fine… but you owe me. Tailed or Tailless? **_

Naruto considered. _Let's go with tailless for now. I can actually control it. Max it out, so that's three._

As soon as he finished, red chakra started leaking out from random points, surrounding him in a cloak of energy. Naruto flexed his hands, cracked his knuckles, and grinned up at Orochimaru.

"You wanna talk with my guest? Well, I'm using his rent right now. If you can pay the money, then you can talk to him!"

Orochimaru just laughed and raised two fingers in a challenge. "Come then, Naruto-kun. Let me see just how much you have progressed with some help…"

Naruto growled some part of him still affected by Kyuubi's chakra. Without a second thought, he kicked off into the air again, this time forming a pure red Rasengan the size of a large watermelon. He threw this at Orochimaru, who countered with his own jutsu, a shockwave of sound that deflected it off into the sky.

The sizzling clatter of metal on chakra was heard for miles around. Orochimaru and Naruto had locked blades again, and this time, Orochimaru wasn't winning the fight so easily. Both of them strained to push past the other, to have one good slice at their enemy's body. Neither of them would get that chance.

Orochimaru's Kusanagi and Naruto's chakra blade, both unbreakable blades in their own right, flexed and threw them in opposite directions, Orochimaru further upward, Naruto back into the ground.

Naruto was getting sick of being pounded into the ground time and again. Why did Orochimaru always get the lofty spot and fly upwards while he had to kiss the ground ever single time? It wasn't fair!

He growled and formed another two more Rasengan in his hands, taking care to reinforce it further with elemental chakra this time as to make it even stronger. _Let's see him get rid of this one. _

With that, he kicked energy to his legs and spiraled skyward, the two balls of chakra in his hands blurring to look like a red ring around the middle of Naruto's green-clad body against the sky blue background.

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Orochimaru was intrigued. Well, first of all because of the fight that Naruto was putting up, all to find Sasuke. Nobody else that he knew would struggle so hard just to recover a friend. The second thing was Naruto himself.

When Orochimaru had absorbed the Eight-tailed beast's eighth arm of chakra, he had enough power to match the eight tails in single combat. However, Naruto was only using the lower three tails of the Kyuubi, which meant that he could only match the three-tailed beast at best.

Yet, even with that limitation, Naruto was holding his own against Orochimaru. He knew for a fact that his chakra control was better, and so could more effectively use the power of the bijuu tail. How was Naruto matching him?

Orochimaru's thoughts were put to an abrupt halt as he sensed Naruto spiraling toward him with two Rasengan in tow. Demonically _and_ elementally charged Rasengan, as a matter of fact. It was time for him to get serious.

He summoned a small bolt of demonic chakra in his hand, allowing it to take the form of a snake, as with all of his raw chakra jutsus. After making sure that their paths would cross in midair, Orochimaru stopped his upward assent with a burst of chakra and began to fall, heading right for the climbing Naruto.

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Naruto and Orochimaru clashed with a huge explosion, the shockwave causing intact parts of the underground base to collapse. As for the central chamber, the remnants of the Konoha Eleven had long since gotten out after a falling slab of concrete had nearly crushed Tenten.

Everyone now stood and watched Naruto and Orochimaru duke it out over them, of which neither of the competitors seemed to need to touch down and kick back off into the air to stay there.

The speed of the combat, however, was something frightening to behold.

Only Neji, Hinata, Shikamaru, Lee, and Ino could even begin to follow the high-speed combat with their eyes, and that was only barely. Naruto and Orochimaru seemed to flow back and forth between offense and defense in fractions of a second, barely avoiding the next attack or just missing. It was unparalleled speed to what they had seen before.

With a sudden clash of Chakra on Metal, the two blades went flashing away. Naruto formed a Rasengan in one hand, while aiming a punch for Orochimaru's chest all the while. Orochimaru charged his hand in a Chakra Scalpel and deflected the punch, sending his own a fraction of a second later.

The demonic Chakra Scalpel and the Rasengan collided in a flash of energy that sent both combatants spiraling groundward, their flights uncontrollable by brief expulsions of chakra. Both of them hit the ground full force and were forced underground several feet.

Hinata, Lee, and Choji all rushed forward, intending to come to Naruto's aid. They managed to dig him out of the rubble and give him a quick healing before the spot where Orochimaru was exploded, revealing him completely unharmed.

Naruto, seeing that Orochimaru was still able to leer at him, lost control.

_Alright, Kyuubi. Let's get the next tail going._

The fox grimaced but unwillingly obliged. Naruto would still suffer the full effects of that much Demonic Chakra concentrated in his system at once. He would lose his skin and suffer extreme pain, but would receive a ten-fold boost of power in return. It was an extremely unpleasant process for anyone, even someone who had taken Naruto's training regime.

Hinata was the first to notice that something was wrong with Naruto. Her Byakugan noticed a surge in the amount of chakra flowing through his system. The amount would have simply destroyed anyone else's chakra network and ripped their coils apart, killing them. However, Naruto simply brushed off Hinata's hand on his arm, nodded to Lee and Choji, and stood up.

"Well, Orochimaru-teme," he said, his voice tinged with just enough killer intent to get the point across. "Congratulations! You've really pushed me far… I never thought I would have to use four tails against you…"

Orochimaru just looked unnerved. "How can you hold me off with only three tails? I possess the eighth tail of the Eight-Tailed Bull! How can your lower three tails hold up that much power?"

Naruto just laughed, and with it, an undercurrent of fear ran in everyone's blood, except Orochimaru. "You don't get it, do you, Orochimaru? When you stole that tail from Killerbee, you only stole one of them. Think about it. I'm using the first, second, third, and fourth tail right now. It's basic math. What is one plus two plus three plus four?"

Orochimaru's eyes widened. "You lie! That's-"

"Impossible? Nope, it's perfectly possible. While you would be perfectly at ease to overpower a non-sealed bijuu, when two Jinchuriki fight, especially those who can control their guests, you have to add up the number of the tails. You have eight, I have ten. It's over for you, Orochimaru!"

Naruto began to form another Rasengan, this time drawing energy from the sheath around him. When it reached the size of a regular Rasengan, he started adding elemental charka, one type at a time. When it reached the size of a beach ball, he started twirling it on one finger and making a sheath of demonic chakra to cover the elemental chakra. It now resembled a blood-red Rasenshuriken.

"This is the end! DIE, OROCHIMARU-TEME!"

Naruto charged, Rasenshuriken held out behind him like a shot-put in a throwing position. When he was fifteen feet away, he crushed one foot into the ground, stopping his forward motion and hurled the Rasengan at Orochimaru, then jumped back.

Orochimaru was panicking. _Quickly, must counterattack!_ He thought.

He had just managed to form his own elite energy-based attack, the _Striking Snake's Head_ and held it up to the incoming Rasengan before the attack sheared off his arm. Even as is, the raw energy of the Rasengan completely destroyed his attack and badly cut up his arm, rendering it useless. It felt rather like the time where the Third Hokage had sealed away his arms, except this was a more of a throbbing pain.

Naruto had landed neatly next to the others, Ino still desperately trying to revive Sakura.

"Here, let me." Naruto said and placed his Kyuubi-coated chakra over Sakura's mouth. "Release…" he breathed, and the chakra started flowing in. It only took ten seconds. Naruto slumped slightly and said, "There, she'll be fine. Tell her though, it'll feel like a horse kicked her later. She's gonna be sore for weeks."

He had just managed to stand back up and replenish his stores from Kyuubi before Orochimaru could stand back up. Naruto knew that, despite the power he had put into the last attack, Orochimaru would stand right back up. Each of the Bijuu would grant their containers extraordinary defensive measures, though in differing ways. Shukaku gave Gaara a shield of sand, Yugito Nii, the two tails Jinchuriki, was granted extreme agility that allowed her to dodge attacks, Killerbee was gifted with an extremely hard skin, like the hide of the bull, and Naruto had his healing factor.

Out of all the four, his was the least effective and the most effective at the same time. While it had saved his life on many occasions, it wasn't an automatic response, like Gaara's sand, helpful in battle like it did with Yugito, or constantly in effect like Killerbee's. It all depended on the injury and how lazy Kyuubi was feeling at the moment.

It was lucky for Naruto then, that the fox was on full alert, relatively speaking. Kyuubi hadn't been fully awake for nearly two decades, since the night he had been sealed away. Besides, waking up in his current state would do him no good, since the Fourth Hokage's seal would suppress the greater amount of his chakra, leaving little to Naruto. He had managed to find a balance in the amount of power he could channel, and along with the weakening of the seal, give some, but not all of his power to Naruto.

Orochimaru gingerly stood up and rubbed his destroyed arm. "Well done, Naruto-kun. You managed to destroy my arm… however; I am not finished with you yet. If you wanted Sasuke-kun's blood… THEN YOU ARE TOO LATE!"

Naruto closed his eyes. He had been afraid of this. "So… you finally stole his body, didn't you?"

For once, the Snake Sannin didn't look amused. Instead, he was livid. "I? I stole his body? I never got that chance… Akatsuki came and took him away from me. I was biding my time, waiting for you to come so he could kill you and in doing so, gain the Mangekyo Sharingan, which then I planned to take for myself. I waited, but you never came to take the bait. I waited too long."

"Well, at least now I know where to go. You, on the other hand…" Naruto cracked his knuckles, the popping making everyone wince. "I've got a bone to pick with ya. Dragging Sasuke into this in the first place, placing that five-pronged seal on me, and injuring Ero-Sennin and Baa-chan, and now Sakura. I think a little payback is due, and this time with interest."

Before Orochimaru could speak, Naruto pumped chakra into his legs and rushed toward him, each and every step punching a small crater into the ground. In those fractions of a second, Naruto drew his sword and made a slashing movement, cutting off Orochimaru's good arm.

As he howled in agony, Naruto deactivated the blade and charged up another Rasengan in his hand, this time transforming it into a Rasenshuriken with blades coated with Demonic Chakra- a deadly combination, even for a Bijuu. The demonic chakra would push right past any defenses, no Medical Ninjutsu or even demonic healing would restore health, and the Rasenshuriken would proceed to tear apart internal organs with ease.

Before Naruto could throw the Rasenshuriken, however, Orochimaru's head snaked back and bit the surprised Naruto on the shoulder, injecting some sort of venom.

"What did you do to me, Orochimaru-teme?"

"Kukuku… You'll soon find out, Naruto-kun. I was planning to use that on Sasuke to breed a whole new line of Sharingan users, but I think torturing you with it will put it to a much better use. I hope you enjoy the next week of your life, as it will be the best of your miserable existence!"

Naruto was panicking now. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME, OROCHIMARU-TEME! OUT WITH IT!"

"It is something that most people would kill for… I just gave you an injection of Pheromones… it will attract girls around your age… I wish you luck…"

"DAMN YOU, OROCHIMARU-TEME! I'VE ALREADY GOT A FANGIRL INFESTATION PROBLEM, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO DEAL WITH THIS? GIVE ME THE ANTIDOTE!"

"Kukuku… There is no antidote. The Pheromones will become active in one week… I suggest you make the most of it, since you'll soon be swamped by fangirls… and they'll be _much_ more vicious then they are right now… they'll kill you for me, as I seem to be unable to do this myself…"

"I KILL YOU!" Naruto screamed, all rational thought gone.

Naruto threw the Rasenshuriken at Orochimaru and followed it up with a Fox Menacing Ball for good measure. He was finished; there was no doubt about that.

He landed outside the blast zone, watching his handiwork consume Orochimaru. Despite being outmatched, he had found Naruto's weak spot after all. If what he said was true, and there was no reason for him to lie, then Naruto's life was about to become a lot more miserable. Add that to the prospect of telling his friends about Kyuubi, and there wasn't really all that much to look forward to.

Naruto swallowed his anger, easing out of his second tier as he did so. Miraculously, his skin was intact, something that hadn't happened before.

_**It seems as though running from those fangirls has done you some good. Very impressive, kid. You are now strong enough to endure four of my tails without major damage. Not to mention the fact that you used my little trick. What I am worried about is how you are going to get rid of the fangirls now. You had to literally beat them away with a stick before, and now they're going to be nearly impossible to stop. Add that to the fact that your body is still damaged for staying in your four-tailed form for so long, you may not have much time to prepare for what is ahead.**_

_I know that. You don't have to tell me again. I think I'm going to pass out now. Wake me up in a few days._

The fox snorted and curled up behind its cage. _**Sure, whatever kid.**_

On the outside, Naruto had managed to seal away the last of the red chakra, reverting to his original form before he folded forward, knees smashing into the ground before Lee caught him.

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_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

_Where am I? When am I? What am I?_

All of those things were floating around inside Naruto's head as he wavered between the border of comatose and unconsciousness, where he could communicate with Kyuubi in a limited fashion.

_**Welcome back, kid. It's about time that you woke up. I would have thought you might be just a smidge tougher after all this training…**_

Naruto yawned in his mind. _So, what did I miss?_

_**Oh, nothing really. Just the fact that you've been out for six days, and it's nearing the one week mark since that snake gave you the pheromones. If you don't wake your skinny ass up soon, the girls are going to be all over you.**_

He didn't even bother making a smart comeback, instead, just breaking off the connection and forcing all of his willpower into waking up. However, after five minutes had ticked off his internal clock and not being any the closer to waking up, he sighed and sat back down outside Kyuubi's cage.

_What the hell am I going to do now? If I don't wake up soon, I may not have a body to go back to, what with the fangirls. Not only that, but the others saw my second tier of power while I was fighting Orochimaru-teme. They're going to want to know just how strong I can become. I am NOT looking forward to that conversation. Any suggestions, Kyuubi?_

_**Well, if this was my body-**_

_But it's not. Get used to it. _

The fox growled. _**As I was saying, if this was my body-**_

_And like I said, it isn't your body._

Kyuubi actually snarled at Naruto. _**Kid! Do you want my advice or not?**_

_Sorry. Go on._

The fox snorted in its cage, moist air brushing over Naruto. _**If this were me, then I would isolate myself for the time being, or until the pheromone wears off or an antidote is found. About my occupation… just tell them the truth. Anything else would just be harder to explain, and I'm not so sure that your tiny mind could handle it.**_

_But what about the rest of my powers? I can't reveal that yet. If word of it got to Akatsuki early, then I'll lose my ace in the hole. You know how powerful they are. They make Orochimaru-teme look like a pigeon at a firing range, helpless and too slow._

_**You don't have to remind me, gaki. Everyone except Pain is equipped with a full Bijuu of their own. And unlike us, their choice actually helps their natural powers, where ours conflict. Remember the last fight with Kisame? Thanks to the three-tails, he's got more power then ever. Your Rasenshuriken just bounced off his sword like a kunai on sheet metal. I can't help you beat them, so we need that power.**_

Naruto rubbed his 'shoulder', where Kisame had sliced a huge gash twenty months previously. While Kyuubi had been kind enough to heal the injury, it sure as hell didn't stop the pain from nearly overwhelming him. Not to mention the fact that regrowing that much tissue itched like hell.

_Fine, but I have to get back there first. Any ideas?_

_**Well, it would help if I got off your shirttails, for one thing. Now, get out, explain the situation, and get the hell back inside your house.**_

Before Naruto could respond, Kyuubi had kicked him out of the mindscape again. He closed his eyes, focusing his chakra on reawakening again. This was not going to be pretty.

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Shikamaru was sitting outside Naruto's hospital room as one of the guards. Apparently, the news of Naruto's return had spread around to the general population. This did not sit well with them, along with some ninja who had lost comrades to the Demon Spirit nearly twenty years ago.

So now there was a lynch mob outside the hospital, several Shinobi parading with them, and a twenty-four hour guard. Not only that, Tsunade had made sure that Naruto was never alone in his room, making sure that one of the Konoha Eleven was always in there, or some other trusted ninja that was close to Naruto. They changed every two hours, and one of them would also stand guard outside the door for two hours before coming inside the room. The cycle would repeat, so Naruto was always close to someone he could trust with his life.

Naruto's body, however, was a different matter. Lee had struggled with hefting Naruto back to Konoha, despite the fact that he had dumped off his own weights. Nobody else could even heft Naruto, much less carry him. Finally, Hinata had come forward and, after much blushing and mumbling, extracted the chakra from the weights, careful to transfer it to Sakura, who was still recovering from having her energy drained.

After that happened, Lee was able to run around with Naruto slung over his back, and they had made top speed back to the village, sending a messenger bird ahead to alert Tsunade about the extent of their injuries. They had managed to get within sight of the gates when Tsunade charged out as fast as Lee without his weights, grabbed Naruto, and charged back to the hospital.

She had been so fast, she had left an afterimage.

After Sakura had recovered somewhat and was able to move around, she helped her mentor and Ino give Naruto a through bodily examination. What they found was not good.

Using Kyuubi's chakra for that long had left his chakra circulation network intact. But that was barely, and it was falling apart. The most dangerous part, however, was in his internal organs.

Usually, humans didn't suffer from Chakra Poisoning. Their chakra coils would fill themselves to capacity and would stop directly afterwards, releasing only enough chakra to sustain bodily functions. However, when a person, especially a Shinobi, would use any type of jutsu, the coils would pour chakra into the network, infusing their whole bodies with energy.

The body has a fail-safe built in. The body's ability to absorb excess chakra is finite, since they only have so much essence within them. Therefore, the amount of chakra the organs can absorb are determined by the size of the chakra coils, which often grow quite explosively in the case of a young Ninja. That is also why medical ninja need such fine-tuned chakra control, since they are adding extra chakra to a system. One slip-up, and the patient, instead of being healed or cured, could have a case of Chakra Poisoning and still have the original affliction.

Not a bright concept.

Usually, that wasn't a problem. The Human Body is an amazing well fine-tuned machine, and it can withstand some additional chakra, either from outside sources or other materials, such as solder pills. That is why eating too many solder pills in a short time is extremely dangerous, as you could easily overload your system with chakra.

However, Naruto's coils had always been extremely large for a human. That put him at risk for Chakra Poisoning more, since his body could only absorb so much. Usually, he would burn off chakra so quickly that it wouldn't be a problem.

But Kyuubi was another story.

Whenever Naruto entered his fox mode, or as he called it, his Second Tier of Power, Kyuubi would flood his body with Demonic Chakra, bypassing the safety mechanisms that Nature had put in place. His organs would be able to withstand the damage for a few minutes before starting to break down. That is why using the second tier is dangerous, and that is its main drawback. Naruto can only stay in his second tier safely for five minutes at most. He had drawn power for nearly fifteen.

However, Demonic Chakra is stronger then any energy that humans can muster, so the only way to chase it out was with highly concentrated bursts. However, these bursts came at a heavy price.

Each burst had to be extremely well fine-tuned so as to not liquefy Naruto's organs. That required the chakra to be moved to a certain frequency to match his. After that, the bursts had to be extremely dense to push out the foreign chakra. Even Tsunade, with all of her experience, could only make a square inch every five minutes. It was, simply put, exhausting.

But they had done it. Sixteen hours in, they had pushed out the last of the Demonic Chakra. But major damage had been done by then. Tsunade, even now, had to come in and heal Naruto every six hours to stop the wounds from reopening.

Orochimaru had been stopped and Sasuke's fate had been learned, but it came at a heavy price.

Naruto had been under for close to a week now. According to Choji, Orochimaru had, in his last seconds, injected Naruto with a Pheromone that would attract every girl his age in Konoha. He already had an infestation problem, and Tsunade wasn't sure that Orochimaru had been telling the truth. What if it attracted _all_ the girls in the area, not just the ones his age? That would mean the end for Naruto. Not even he could fight off that many people. Even the Lynch mob would be dwarfed in comparison to the stampede of girls that would no doubt come.

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Shikamaru had just left the room, four hours later to go home and catch a nap when Ino suddenly shouted.

"Naruto! Naruto! He's awake! COME IN EVERYONE! HE'S AWAKE!"

"Not so loud, Ino… my ears still hurt…"

There came the sound of Ino punching Naruto on the head, Naruto complaining, and Ino telling him off for calling her loud. Nevertheless, her shout had attracted Tsunade to the room.

Tsunade was nowhere near as gentle as Ino had been. She quickly used her diagnosis jutsu to make sure that none of his organs had ruptured again, like they had the last time he had shifted in his bed.

Apparently, Ino's shout could be heard all throughout the village. The lynch mob grew ever more restless and multiple ninja could be seen approaching the hospital at a rapid pace. Streaks of brown, pink, blue, and black hair could be seen flying toward the hospital, knocking over anything in their way.

In the span of three minutes, the Konoha Eleven and their respective sensei, save Kakashi, of course, had gathered in Naruto's hospital room. Naruto, in that short span of time, had fought off Tsunade and ripped out the IVs, shouting that he hated needles.

It took Tsunade, Gai, Anko, Lee, Neji, Shikamaru, and Choji just to stop Naruto from running away and taking shelter underneath the bed to get away from the needles and the horde of fangirls that had gathered right outside his door. The pheromones hadn't even kicked in yet, and he was drawing a crowd this big?

"GAKI! YOU WILL STAY HERE, OR I WILL TIE YOU DOWN!" Tsunade managed to make herself heard over the tumult in and around the room.

Naruto stopped struggling at this. He did _not _want to be tied up here when Orochimaru's 'Gift' kicked into action. There would be no escape then.

"Now," Tsunade breathed. "You will kindly tell us why you decided to use _that _chakra against Orochimaru, and specifically why you used it for so long."

Naruto winced. "I think, baa-chan, we need to start from the beginning and work our way up. They don't know yet, do they?"

Tsunade's outlook dropped from furious to somber. "No, they don't. I wanted you to be the one that told them."

He sighed. "Great, baa-chan. Thanks. Well, where to start…"

Ino couldn't hold back her questions. "Where to start _what_, Naruto?"

Naruto sighed and stared at the ceiling, looking rather like Shikamaru at that moment. Kurenai half expected him to say that the whole situation was so troublesome.

"Well, I need to explain some history first." He shifted on the bed, positioning his hands ready to make the seal that would get him out of here.

"Do you all know what happened on my birthday, nearly twenty years ago?"

Kiba nodded. "Yeah, wasn't that the day that the Kyuubi attacked the village?"

"That's right. And also on that day, the Fourth Hokage went out to meet the Kyuubi in single combat."

"We all know this! Iruka-sensei drilled this into our heads in the Academy! Get on with it!"

"I'm going as fast as I can. Now, do you remember what happened when the Fourth Hokage and Kyuubi dueled?"

This time, Shino spoke up, which was rare. "Yes, the Fourth Hokage killed the fox, in exchange for his life. The village was safe, and he died a hero. Why are you repeating these facts?"

Naruto grinned, but his smile was full of pain. "You see, that version of history isn't completely true. While the Fourth Hokage did defeat the Kyuubi, he did not kill it. You see, it is physically for a Human to kill a Demon, no matter how minor of a demon it is. Our chakra is simply no match for theirs, except on very rare occasions. Baa-chan's jutsu is probably one of a handful that can even hope to counter demon chakra."

"B-B-But, if the Fourth did not kill the Kyuubi, then what happened?" Hinata stuttered.

Naruto looked surprised. "I'm amazed, Hinata. After I showed you that scroll too. Well, I'll give you an example. Does everyone here remember Gaara?"

Everyone besides the older jonin shuddered. Oh yeah, they remembered Gaara. They knew that he was unstable, and that Naruto had fought and defeated him with the help of Gamabunta, the chief toad.

"Well," Naruto continued, "Gaara had one of the nine bijuu sealed within him, the one tailed demon, Shukaku. The fourth Kazekage had wanted to use the one-tails to his own power, and so sealed it within Gaara. However, the seal he used was very poorly done and lacked power. That's why Gaara could never sleep properly. If he fell asleep, then the demon would take over. What I'm getting at is, demons can't be killed, only sealed away."

"So, what did the Fourth Hokage use to seal away the Kyuubi?" Choji ventured, his bag of chip forgotten.

"Ah, now you're asking interesting questions. As you may know, Shukaku was once sealed away inside a teapot. Yes, you heard me right, a teapot. However, Kyuubi was a much stronger demon, so there was no sealing it inside an inanimate object. It had to be sealed inside a living thing, and that thing had to be able to control its power to a certain extent. So the Fourth made the obvious choice, and sealed it inside a human baby."

"But… who would give up their child to live a life? I mean, they would be hated by the…" Sakura faded away halfway though the sentence.

"Yeah, Sakura. You guessed it. I'm sure Shikamaru and Shino here have both known for a long time, but I'm going to give it to the rest of you."

"Who would give up their kid?" Ino asked, still not getting it.

Naruto snorted. "The Fourth knew that no parents would give up their newborns to a lifetime of misery and pain. So, he did the only thing that he could. Instead of asking other parents to give up their children, he gave up his own newborn son."

Now everyone else's mouth dropped open. They finally got it. They finally knew why Naruto was hated by the villagers, why he had grown up with no parents, why Jiriaya had taken such an interest in him, and why Akatsuki was so interested in him.

Naruto noticed comprehension in everyone's eyes and decided to confirm their suspicions.

"Yes. You guessed it. I am the heir and the last in the line to two clans, the Uzumaki, my mother's clan, and the Namikaze, my father's clan. My father was the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze, and I am the Jinchuriki to the Nine-tailed fox, Kyuubi no Kitsune, the Bijuu that attacked this village nearly twenty years ago."

It was as if Naruto had pumped all the air out of the room, dipped it in liquid nitrogen, and dropped a fifty-megaton bomb on all of them. The room was cold, silent, and in the stroke of a heartbeat, Naruto shattered the silence.

"That's why I've got this power. You could call it a gift, a blessing, or you could call it a curse. This is why the villagers all hate me. This is why I resemble the Fourth Hokage. This is why, up until a few years ago, I had no friends, since parents wouldn't want their kids around me. This is why Akatsuki is after me. And this is why you won't want to remain friends with me. I'll be in Konoha for another three months at the most, and if you can't change my mind, I'm heading back to my hideout."

Naruto glanced around. The faces of shock and unhidden fear tainted each of his friends' faces. He sighed. "It's no different then I thought. I'll be at my house, everyone."

Tsunade, who just looked sad, suddenly stiffened. "Naruto, you're in no state to go anywhere. Stay here in the hospital and let everyone expla-"

"NO, Baa-chan." Naruto actually snarled, still looking down at the sheets. "There's no need for an explanation. I can see the fear and the hate on all of your faces. It just hurts to see them on my friends' faces and knew that I put them there. I'm outta here."

Tsunade tried to tie him down again, but before she had moved more then a few inches, Naruto raised his hands above the sheets, showing them the seal that he had been making.

Her eyes widened. "No, Naruto, don't do that! Your body can't handle it yet-"

Naruto ignored her, focusing all of his chakra in his weakened body into the seal and focusing on his house. "_Haraishin no Jutsu!_" he chanted in a monotone, and disappeared in a yellow flash, just like his father was famous for doing.

The sheets ruffled for a second, then fell limp and crumpled to the bed. Now, instead of a person, there was nothing.

Tsunade was first shocked and surprised, which then turned to anger as she wheeled about to face the Konoha Eleven, who all had looks of shock, and she was furious to see, disgust on their faces.

"YOU IDIOTS! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING? WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY TO COMFORT HIM? HE'S BEEN HOLDING THIS SECRET BACK HIS WHOLE LIFE, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REACT? THIS IS HIS WORST NIGHTMARE, YOU GUYS REACTING LIKE THIS! AT THE VERY LEAST YOU COULD HAVE PUT ON AN IMPASSIVE FACE! NOW WE COULD LOSE NARUTO AGAIN! THAT JUTSU HE JUST USED PUT AN ENOURMOUS STRAIN ON HIS BODY, SO HE MAY BLEED OUT! IF HE DOESN'T DIE FROM BLOOD LOSS, THEN HE'LL GO AWAY AGAIN!"

Tsunade was completely red in the face. The older jonin couldn't blame her. Naruto, her adopted grandson of sorts, just had his worst nightmare played out in front of him, while he was injured and weak. There was only so much that a hardened warrior, such as Naruto could take. After they reached that point, they simply give up or lose all of their humanity.

Ino shrugged. She was one of the ones who were disgusted with Naruto. "So what? Let's just go apologize to him. Though we probably shouldn't. If he goes all foxy on us, who knows what might happen?"

She was just about to prance out of the room when she felt herself unable to move an inch. Ino knew that Shikamaru was holding her down with his shadow possession.

"Ino, you're not thinking clearly. Let's put it this way. In a prison, what should you be scared of, the prisoners, or the prison itself? Think of the Kyuubi as the prisoners and Naruto as the prison. He gave up his happiness so that we could live in peace. It's more troublesome on his part then anything we ever have to do."

Ino sobered at once. "I know… but I'm scared of the Kyuubi… I just don't want to go near him in case he loses control…"

"Think about it. When has Naruto ever lost control?"

"I know of at least one time." Sakura stated quietly.

Everyone turned around to look at her. "When?" Shino asked quietly.

She cleared her throat. "It was on our first C-ranked mission. The same mission that Sasuke first activated his Sharingan. When Naruto thought that Sasuke had been killed, he lost control to the Kyuubi and turned into a… wild beast. That's the only time, though, and I've never seen him lose control otherwise."

Ino was thoughtful of Sakura's words. "Fine, maybe he's not a monster. But how are we supposed to get in and apologize? His house is sealed up tighter then the scroll of forbidden jutsus. There's no way in without him reinforcing the house somehow. We may not get a chance to apologize before he goes away again."

"He has to come out for food sometime. We'll just wait until he comes out, then we'll apologize." Shikamaru said with some confidence.

Of course, they had no idea just how wrong those words would prove to be.

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Author's Note

Heyo! I know, its been a week, right?

Sorry about this late update. I had to cut the last bit short, since it would have dragged on FOREVER if i didnt.

On a brighter note, this is the longest chapter yet, over 8.6K words. Booyah, ive punched a hole in the 75K barrier! YEAH!

Anyway, ive already got the next chapter's name planned out and ready to do. are you ready for it?

Chapter XIII: Naruto's Pain

Anyway, until next time.

In the meantime, please, Please, _Please, **Please **_**_Please, PLEASE_**, review Review _Review, **Review, Review, REVIEW!**_

With the Best of Regards

Xingster

P.S. Fable is a really good game. you should try it sometime.


	14. Chapter 13

I do not Own Naruto. Disclaimers Suck.

Small Author's Note, bigger one at end.

For those of you who wanted fluff, there's some in this chapter. and i'm gonna start talking like those announcer dudes at the end of a episode. I'll catch you at the end!

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Chapter XIII: Naruto's Pain

Shikamaru was camping outside Naruto's front gate. He was literally camping, complete with tent, sleeping bag, campfire, and three days worth of food. Apparently, Naruto had enough food stored away that he didn't need to come out. Either that or he was dead and couldn't come out.

_The only reason that we found this spot was that Naruto was careless… Geez, I'd hate to get on his bad side…_ Shikamaru thought as he toasted yet another marshmallow over the fire. He took a bite and swore when it blew up, the gooey insides burning his mouth.

And it was all true. While it was true that he had just lost his sense of taste for the next three days, it was also true that they had found the spot of Naruto's front gate by complete accident. Or rather, they didn't find the gate, instead, finding the platoon of unconscious Hyuga Fangirls piled in a heap that was stuck in front of it.

After Hanabi and the others had regained consciousness, she recalled how Naruto had suddenly appeared in the courtyard. Upon arriving, he had immediately collapsed onto the pile of cards that the clones were now using to play Strip Poker. Apparently, they had stopped playing Go Fish six hours in and decided to torment the girls with the new game.

It had worked too.

Hanabi could barely keep herself from drooling as she recalled the memories. The clones had played strip poker for two days straight, from when she fell asleep to when she woke up in the mornings. No game was ever completed, as the price was that the losing clone had to go feed the girls in his boxers.

But when the real Naruto had appeared in the courtyard, the clones immediately stopped playing to rush forward and catch him, which they failed to do. The real Naruto, after coughing up a large amount of blood, ordered the clones to get rid of the girls and to prepare the Dojo for Ninjutsu training. After that, she could remember nothing, as the clones had knocked them all out. The next thing she did recall was waking up to Tsunade's enraged face.

From what they could figure out, Naruto was going to hide away from the world until he was ready to face them, which could be never. Tsunade was currently working on a way to break into the place and force Naruto to accept the truth about his friends. Shikamaru didn't really expect anything on that front. While Naruto didn't have the sealing abilities of the Fourth Hokage or Jiriaya, he could make up in the sheer number of seals that he could put on an item.

Ino and Sakura had told the rest of them that part of the gate's defense system was blood-based and part of it required a password. There was really no knowing how many new defenses that he had put on in the time since he had told the others about Kyuubi. Tsunade and Sakura, along with Lee, Neji, and some of the strongest Hyuga had pounded on the gates with no avail. They managed to dispel the Genjutsu that kept it hidden, but each of their attempts to gain entry was met with failure.

She had tried Ninjutsu next, having Kakashi blast the gate with all the combinations of techniques that he knew. The gate, however, would not budge. Each and every single one of their attacks was either repelled or absorbed. Even Lee and Gai using a combination Morning Peacock had barely dented the thick metal.

So now they were doing three-day shifts of camping outside Naruto's door. Not that any of them had any luck in starving him out. Tsunade had even gone so far as to shut off the water and the sewage to the place, hoping to dry him out, but even that failed to get the front doors to budge an inch.

Shikamaru knew that they couldn't force him out of there. Naruto had too much chakra to be forced out by a little thing like losing power or water. He could simply disconnect the water pipes and have a couple of clones pump in water whenever he needed it and have some more clones do the same thing with electricity. But despite the fact that he could, the lights never came on, there was no rushing of water, and even Kiba's keen sense of smell had failed to detect a single bowl of ramen.

But his shift would be over tomorrow morning and he would go home to sleep for a couple of days. Tsunade was sure not to give them missions that would make them miss their next camping time. She wanted to make sure that they were punished, and this was how she had done it.

It had been three weeks. Sakura was exempt only for the reason that she was still weak from her encounter with Orochimaru and Shino was allowed freedom for keeping such an impassive face. Shikamaru hadn't really given a face of disgust, but Tsunade was punishing him anyway for coming up with the stupid idea of starving him out.

Everyone except for Hinata had already gone, since Lee had to go and train, as per the agreement. He had left with a smile and his teeth flashing, following Gai in the general direction of Suna, hoping to raise his 'Flames of Youth' to match Naruto when he emerged.

Hinata, for some strange reason, had offered to cover for Lee and take a week-long shift. So in six short hours, she would emerge from the Hyuga estate and start a week-long waiting game, the prize being Naruto, but the price of failure was losing him.

Shikamaru had just dozed off again, despite all of the Hokage's warnings not to, when the ground started shaking. It wasn't really all that violent, nothing that a civilian could detect unless they were lying completely still and silent, but it was there, nevertheless. He quickly reviewed the topography of this general area and frowned when he recalled that the Hyuga Estate and the areas surrounding it were built on solid rock. That meant only one thing could make that much rock tremble.

Naruto had begun training again.

The rumbling grew and faded as Naruto cycled though his arsenal of techniques, no doubt using them on shadow clones. However, Shikamaru grew steadily more worried as the rumbling did not stop, instead growing ever more violent as time went by. It grew so bad that sticks started rolling out of the fire and onto his sleeping bag, igniting it. Now Shikamaru was in a flaming tent, with a flaming sleeping bag, with literally flaming hair, and flames in his eyes.

Shikamaru slit a hole in the side of his tent, hopping through just in time before the support beams gave way and the whole thing fell in and incinerated the remainder of his Marshmallows. It was just as unlucky that his Elemental Affinity was lightning. It probably the most useless against fire, after wind, of course.

However, the rumbling didn't go unnoticed by anyone, and that included the civilian population. People ran outside, screaming about earthquakes and tornadoes and Barney and whatnot. Little kids, in the absence of shopowners, raided the stores for anything sweet. Fangirls ran amok, swarming to the gates in front of Naruto's house and started pounding on it, running over Shikamaru in the process.

All in all, there was more chaos in the village during this small shaking then during the Kyuubi's attack. By the time it was over, three hours later, a couple of buildings were smoldering, six businesses were out of business, and there were several hundred unconscious fangirls sprawled across the wall opposite the gate, having been thrown there by the seals that had been put on the said gate by Naruto.

Shikamaru was not so lucky. Despite the fact that he was a Jonin, there was no such thing as stopping a stampede of fangirls. At least, not without some special techniques, like Kakashi's face. He got up, groaning, his entire body black from all of the footprints that the rabid females had left behind.

_Great._ He thought as he rubbed his ass, feeling as if Naruto had just hit him with a 'Thousand Years of Death' _this is just not my day. How troublesome…_

He then spent the next three hours staring up at the clouds flying swiftly by overhead. With his tent and campfire gone, he couldn't toast marshmallows anymore, and with the shift about to switch, he decided he might as well engage in his favorite pastime.

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Hinata packed one more set of clothes, dropping it in her second bag. Despite the fact that she was camping out just across the street, they were forbidden from leaving. Tsunade was so strict on this that she insisted at a one-way see-through porta-potty be installed next to the tent. It made everyone nervous, since they could see out, making them look like they were sitting on a glass toilet with the world staring in at them.

Either way, if it kept Naruto from leaving, she would gladly use the toilet in the bushes outside her house. In the event that they couldn't convince him to stay, Hinata wanted to spend as much time as she could near him, even if she couldn't see him.

After making sure that her tent was tied to the top, she hefted the pack and left her room, being careful to lock it behind her. She did _not_ need her father coming into the room and reading her journal. Her sister and Neji were bad enough, but if word of this got to her father, then she could very well be kicked out of the Hyuga Clan altogether.

Hinata stepped outside to see Shikamaru staring up at the sky with glazed eyes and a dazed expression. Next to him were the smoldering remains of his tent, and the smell of toasted marshmallows was heavy in the air. His entire body was black, either from being burnt in the tent or being trampled by fangirls that were now piled across her family's estate wall.

"About time you got here. My tent burned down six hours ago… damn Naruto. He's so troublesome sometimes. I mean, he didn't even give us a chance to explain ourselves, and now look at what happened. I'm sitting here with my hair on fire and watching a couple hundred of unconscious fangirls. Next time, I'm gonna bind him with my shadow possession first. That way, he won't be able to run away again!"

Shikamaru sighed again and made a seal. "Anyway, have fun watching the gate for the next week, Hinata. It's gonna be a long wait, I can tell you that much. See you later."

With that, he disappeared in a poof of smoke, muttering something about being troublesome.

Hinata smiled and focused her energy on one of her Water jutsus to clear out the pile of ashes. She then redirected the blast of water toward the pile of comatose fangirls, soaking them out of their revere and floating them down the street, away from her and Naruto.

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Tsunade paced her office while Shizune sat there, doing her paperwork. Normally, you would have a better chance of Hell freezing over then seeing this, but the look in the Fifth Hokage's eyes told her oldest apprentice that she was _not_ in the mood to be ridiculed, and someone had to do the paperwork, so Shizune got stuck with it. She now knew why Tsunade never liked this part of the job.

Shizune paused to re-ink the stamp when Tsunade put her foot down. The only problem is, when she put it down, it went through the floor. The sound of splintering wood, shrieking visitors, and the sigh of the carpenters as they were alerted to the fact that the Hokage's office would need yet _another_ patch could be heard all throughout the building.

"Damn him… he needs to grow up! We need him! He can't go back into hiding now that Akatsuki knows that he's alive. And yet, he's not giving any of us a chance to apologize! Is there no other way into that house?"

Shizune coughed. "Tsunade-sama, there may be one way in, but it's incredibly dangerous, especially if these rumblings are from Naruto's training."

Tsunade wheeled on her, eyes glinting. "Spill it."

Shizune gulped. "Well, we can't enter through the gates, since that's completely sealed up. Trying to enter aerially is also out, since the fourth sealed that up when he lived there. We know that there's an underground dojo of some sort, but that's also protected, judging from the chakra emissions that have leaked out, so that leaves…"

"Leaves what, Shizune? We need to get Naruto to come to his senses, not a list of how his house is indestructible without taking out half the village with it! I know you have a plan, so out with it!"

Shizune coughed again. "Well, according to Sakura and Ino, there's a staircase that leads from the dojo up to the house. There's a chance that the fourth may not have sealed that up. If we could use an Earth Jutsu, we might be able to enter from there."

"And how is it dangerous?"

"Well, Tsunade-sama, if those rumblings are what we feel on the outside, then the inside, the dojo itself must be under enormous stress. If we create some sort of tunnel to the staircase, we could cause the whole place to collapse."

"No problem, we just coat the walls of the tunnel with chakra. Of course, doing that would require so many shinobi, I'm not sure that we have enough. Damn, looks like that won't work. Unless…"

Tsunade faded into silence. Shizune looked at her nervously and returned to stamping papers. Five minutes passed, the room filled with nothing but the sound of stamping. Until…

"We have someone tunnel in there, grab Naruto, and tunnel back out before the place can collapse."

Shizune was so surprised that she missed the paper and stamped her hand instead. "But, Tsunade-sama, do we have anyone like that?"

She nodded. "Yes, we do in fact. He is a Jonin, by the name of Kiba Inuzuka!"

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Everyone was gathered next to Hinata's tent. No, her birthday hadn't come early. They were all here to see Kiba try to tunnel into Naruto's house via the staircase underground. Nobody expected the staircase to be protected, so everyone was expecting a success.

Kiba, bowing to the sound of much applause and cheering, had Akamaru transform into himself and fed him a solder pill. They had only ever once drilled through the dirt, and it had been through the side of a mountain. There was no need to take risks about being trapped underground. For this, they had to move hard and fast.

After he had made sure that Akamaru had fully indigested the pill, they began their trademark move, Fang over Fang. The two whirlwind blurs slammed into the dirt border of the sidewalk and wall. With a brief crunching, the two punctured the dry upper dirt and made their way into the softer dirt underneath.

Several times, they were almost stopped by the presence of several dozen metal pipes, which were presumably there for the traps to drop fangirls into. Each time, however, they managed to punch a hole in both sides of the metal pipe and make their way through.

From the map of the building that Tsunade had shown them, the staircase was a winding one, and would likely collapse after one hit. That was all they had. One hit to get Naruto back. They would not waste it. After all, hitting a still target of that size should be easy, right?

Well, to put it lightly, things didn't go according to plan.

The first problem was finding the damn thing. While it didn't have any detectable active protection, it was completely stealthed. Even Kiba's nose could barely detect the hint of cold stone. When they finally did find it, they pulled back twenty feet and then dove right for the passageway, hoping to punch a way in.

Since when to things go according to plan?

What Tsunade and Shizune had forgotten to take into account was that Minato Namikaze was no fool. He would have thought everything through before he actually did anything. He had anticipated someone trying to tunnel into his home, and he had prepared appropriate defenses to do so. It was only thanks to his sense of humor that there were any females left in Konoha.

The moment that Kiba hit the outer stone of the staircase and tried to break through, the whole shaft started vibrating with the same deep voice that had come from the gates.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" the voice said in a tone that could easily be heard outside. "An invader, eh? I'll squash you like a bug!"

On the surface, Shino twitched.

Kiba ignored the voice, firmly convinced that it was all in his head. A very bad idea, as it turned out.

The wall, not appreciating the fact that Kiba was trying to drill a hole in it, flexed slightly and threw the unfortunate duo back down their tunnel. At the end, they couldn't stop, so they went flying up, higher then when Naruto had hit him with the 'Thousand Years of Death'.

The wall chucked, a deep booming laugh that could be heard all throughout the village, and the tunnel collapsed back in on itself. Kiba landed in the spot where Kakashi had so many years ago, except there was now a pot underneath him. Ichiraku's Ramen would have a special that night: Miso Dog Ramen.

Meanwhile, Neji and Hinata were using their Byakugan in an attempt to find out where Kiba had gone.

They didn't have to look far.

The moment that Kiba had landed in the pot, he had tried to get out. Unfortunately, Akamaru had landed right on top of him. It was only now that Kiba realized just how much bigger his friend had gotten, as he was unable to get out of the pot. That meant this his ass was taking a roasting. In the most literal and might I add, painful sense of the word possible.

It was only after the steam had built up to such a degree that the pot would have exploded did they get free. If you could imagine an old-fashioned soda made of unbreakable glass, heated to the boiling point and then thrown on the ground, something had to go, and that was the stopper. In this case, the bottle was the pot, and the stopper was Kiba's well-done ass.

With an explosion and another yell of pain, Kiba went skyrocketing, outstripping both Kakashi and Jiriaya in terms of sheer height. From his lofty position, he could see the entirety of Konoha. Being the genius that he was, he decided to redirect his flight back toward Naruto's place.

What he forgot about was the seals keeping it safe from airborne invasions.

Kiba smacked into the barrier at over two hundred miles an hour. If it wasn't for the fact that he used his body as an attack to hit often things much faster, he would have been killed instantly. As is, his body was splayed on the invisible barrier, comically proportioned as he slowly slid down the invisible wall, landing on his ass right in front of Tsunade and the others.

He didn't stay that way for long, of course. Despite the fact that he was nearly comatose from that impact, the pain of his roasted ass got him up in a hurry. In an effort to get his burns healed more quickly, he turned around and dropped his pants, exposing his posterior to them all.

A bad idea, as it turned out.

Tsunade, who had years of experience of Jiriaya's perverted ways, kicked into autopilot. Her foot extended and kicked the nearest part of Kiba, which, unfortunately for him, was on his flash-boiled ass. He went flying with a scream, smacked like a pinball into the barrier around Naruto's house, and streaked toward the river, hands on his throbbing ass.

Unfortunately for the female population of Konoha, when he screamed, everyone looked up. Kiba had not put his pants back on. So he was now giving everyone a brilliant view of his less-than-brilliant, well, ehem.

The screaming of girls could be heard for several days afterwards.

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Shikamaru sighed and ran his hands through his hair, taking it down from his pineapple knot for a few seconds before redoing it. "Man, this is really getting troublesome. What the hell was Kiba thinking?"

Shino stepped forward and examined the collapsed hole and the remains of Kiba's skin on the sidewalk. "Kiba thinks?"

For once, everyone agreed with both of them.

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Hinata crawled inside her tent after setting up several jutsus to alert her if anything moved at the gates. She made a shadow clone too, just in case Naruto came out and bypassed her alert system.

She made sure that everything was in place, then quickly changed and slipped into the sleeping bag. Her eyes closed and she drifted off, dreaming her nightly dreams about her and Naruto getting together.

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For the next three days, in the absence of anything interesting to do, Hinata trained. There were only two viable targets. The tree which her shadow clone sat on every night, and the gate of Naruto's house were both open to her attacks. Luckily, her gentle fist training didn't require her to physically touch an object, which made the gate a perfect training tool. Also, her water jutsus would be drained by the gate, so no messy clean-up afterwards.

During those three days, she trained with her every spare moment. If they couldn't find a way into the house, then she would literally tear the place apart. She couldn't lose her Naruto-kun again, especially not after he was still there, despite the fangirls. If she didn't get him this round, he might disappear and never be seen again. At the very least, she had to tell him about her feelings!

The rumbling had started again and was now appearing every three hours, day and night. She wondered just how much chakra Naruto could use before passing out, as the rumblings only seemed to get increasingly violent as the days went by.

On the evening of that third day, she was busy doing her gentle fist training when she cut herself by accident. She didn't notice, of course, but she had nicked herself on the slightly dented part that Lee and Gai had managed to make in the door with their combination attack.

Nothing really happened until she tried her heavenly spin. The cut was still bleeding when she began her rotation, and by some means of fate, a small drop of her blood landed on the gates.

When she stopped spinning, her eyes widened.

The front gate to Naruto's house, the gauntlet that might have stopped her confessing, the only thing between her and Naruto was creaking open of its own accord.

Naruto was wide open to Hinata.

Her Byakugan still active, she side-stepped all of the hidden traps and made her way to the front door, smearing another drop of her blood on the oak surface. These did not open as willingly as the front gate, and Hinata had to force it open. When she got inside, her mouth fell open.

_This_ was a bachelor pad? The place was richly decorated, as to be expected from Minato Namikaze. The guy may have been a ninja, and a practical one at that, if his gate design was anything to go by, but if he wanted to, he sure could splurge! Everything was either custom-made or top-of-the line, and in many cases, both. The only strange thing was the layer of dust on them. It looked as if neither Naruto nor his father ever used the furniture much.

She peeked around, searching for the staircase into the basement. After about five minutes of picking apart the wall, she walked over next to a bathroom and touched her hand to the wall, saying "Release!" The Genjutsu fell and she walked inside.

Each of the steps downward seemed to bring more apprehension to Hinata. _What if he doesn't like me? What if he goes away because I tell him? How could I go on?_

Inner Hinata, who had been curled up on a couch with a facsimile of Naruto, perked up. _Just listen to yourself grovel and whine! Don't worry, just tell him how you feel, how the others feel, and everything will be fine._

Her dented confidence somewhat restored, Inner Hinata returned to her pastime, which was glomping the Naruto doll. She hoped that the doll would soon be replaced with memories of her outer self really glomping the real Naruto. Her inner persona sighed. _A girl can dream, right?_

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Naruto breathed raggedly as he felt yet another spike in Kyuubi's chakra. When he had used his second tier, he had weakened the seal considerably. He had taken the precaution of tightening up the seal some more, but chakra was still leaking out. Naruto had to burn off that chakra before it could harm him.

The easiest way to do so was by making shadow clones, but since his own chakra was still incredibly weak, there was no way to make a filter to 'purify' it of sorts. Any shadow clones he made would resemble the clones he used to make back at the academy. Not only that, but it wouldn't siphon off enough chakra. So, it was back to the old standby.

Naruto had been pumping jutsu after jutsu into the wall, hoping to drain his body of the demonic chakra. He was grateful to the Kyuubi for giving him power. The person he was angry at was not Kyuubi or even his friends, or even Akatsuki.

The person he was angry at was himself.

He launched another Rasenshuriken laced with Demonic chakra, making the walls shake before abandoning the technique. Any demonic chakra left in his system would soon burn off naturally. Safe, for the moment, in any case.

Naruto wiped his bloodstained hands on a small button, summoning a training post. He attacked it with full fury, as if it was himself standing there. Soon, the post wore down and snapped. When that happened, Naruto simply summoned another one. In fact, the area around him was littered with the remains of wooden posts, along with dented, broken, or bent weapons of all sorts.

He was just working on a combination of punches and kicks, which involved him circling the target in midair, alternating between the two, when the door to the dojo creaked open. Naruto ignored it, assuming it was a clone coming back from guard duty. Little did he know, that was the last thing it could be.

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Hinata pushed open the wooden door, peering inside the dimly lit dojo. The first thing she noticed was the damage done to the far side of the wall. To put it into perspective, it was as if someone had taken a blunt axe to a piece of hardwood. The cement was cracked and flaking from numerous attacks and looked about to cave in.

The next thing that hit her was the smell. The heavy odor of Naruto's sweat was easy for her to detect, but aside from that, she could faintly detect the smell of blood. It was both fresh and old, some of it days old, some of it still oozing out from the wounds.

As her eyes adjusted to the light, she could make out dozens of broken training posts scattered, some utterly destroyed. Things that looked like human body parts actually turned out to be mutilated weapons, some bent beyond identification.

The sound of flesh hitting wood reached her ears. When she activated her Byakugan, she saw a bloodstained figure hitting a practice target so fast that he was orbiting the rapidly disintegrating wood. With a final splintering crash, the top part of the wood, all three hundred pounds of it, went flying fifteen feet and knocked over the remains of what looked like a weapons rack.

The figure paused and bent over. Hinata thought that he had collapsed, but three seconds later, a new training post appeared, and the person repeated the same process. After half an hour of this, the sound of splintering wood was finally accompanied by grunts of pain, and the smell of fresh blood quickly reached her nose.

Hinata could take no more. She burst out from behind the door and shouted with the best of her ability, "Stop it, Naruto-kun! Can't you see you're tearing yourself apart?"

The figure stopped its rapid orbit of the splintering log and turned to face Hinata, who turned red. "How did you get in here, Hinata?" it said in an emotionless voice.

She squeaked. Her inner persona had been wrong. Naruto _was_ angry at her. "I, um, I-I-I entered through the f-f-front gates…" her stuttering had returned. At the worst time possible.

"Impossible. I personally locked the gate up with an additional blood seal. Even my father's blood won't work now, in case baa-chan had some of that on hand. Now tell me, how did you get in?"

"T-T-Through the front gates… please, Naruto-kun, please come out. Everyone's sorry about-"

"About treating me like a monster?" Naruto spat. "Don't lie to me, Hinata. I'm not as big an idiot that you guys make me out to be. I could see the disgust and the fear on your faces as I told you the truth. I'm used to it from the villagers, but to see that from my friends…" he paused and delivered a full force blow to the log, splitting it cleanly down the middle before continuing. "It hurt really badly, and that's saying something. Just leave me alone. When I've got the rest of my father's techniques from the vault, I'm leaving this goddamned place. Kyuubi had doubts about coming back here, and I'm starting to think that he was right."

Hinata had teared up as Naruto ranted. He wasn't the small, rather slow boy that she had fallen in love with all those years ago. He was a true ninja now, one of deadly skill and who could read emotions like a book. His pain throughout his childhood had finally been eased when he had made friends, but to see those friends treat him like the villagers must have broken him. Naruto was now like Tsunade when he and Jiriaya had gone out to find her all those years ago. He had lost his faith in what he fought for, but Hinata was determined to give it back to him.

"Naruto-kun, p-p-please… just listen to me…"

He ignored her, coughing up a wad of blood onto the summoning spot and resuming his Taijutsu training. She pushed on, trying to get through to him.

"Nobody sees you as a m-m-monster… we were all just s-s-surprised… Shikamaru-san talked some sense into Ino-san, and everyone accepts you n-n-now… please, just come back to us…"

Naruto didn't respond for a few minutes, instead, he just continued to hit the log over and over again until it splintered. As the last pieces of wood fell to the ground, he sighed but didn't look up.

"Why should I go back? People will always treat me like a monster, an outcast. I couldn't take it anymore; that's why I left with the pervy sage. To get away from it all. The villagers don't know shit, and I don't feel like telling them. Besides, there's really no reason for me to go back to you guys. If I leave, then Akatsuki won't come knocking. There's only Sasuke-teme, and you guys should be able to defeat him with teamwork. There's nothing left for me here. Once I reach the time limit, I'm outta here."

Hinata bit her lip. Persuading Naruto might mean that she would have to confess, but if it kept him from leaving, she would do it gladly. "Naruto-kun, p-p-please don't leave. We need you, the village needs you, and I need-"

"Don't give me that bullshit. The village doesn't need me. My type are never needed in a village. We're outcasts from the moment that we're born. I tried to live a normal life, to make friends, but now…" he sighed, wiping another drop of blood on the ground. "I see what Gaara meant. Being all alone, with nobody to rely on… I can't really blame him anymore. Just leave me alone and get out of my house."

Naruto returned to punching the training block with fury, as if the lump of wood was himself in disguise. Hinata could only watch helplessly as the smell of fresh blood rose again, this time dripping to the ground in thick dollops. Before long, the area around Naruto was completely bloodsoaked and he was still doing his orbits around the block of wood.

Hinata could think of nothing else she could do, so she rushed forward the moment that Naruto had stopped. Before he could summon up another training dummy, she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"P-P-Please, Naruto-kun… just stop this, Please! It hurts me to see you hurt yourself so badly… just stop this, please!"

Naruto flinched at the physical contact and then sighed.

"Hinata, it's not like I don't want to come back. It's just the fact that nobody wants me back and that I don't have a reason to go back. I don't like this any more then you do, trust me. But there are things that I have to do. It's better this way."

When he tried to shake her off, she started crying and only tightened her grip. When he couldn't shake her off, he sighed again.

"Hinata, I've never known you to be so… incessant. I really want to stay, I really do."

"Then w-w-why don't you?" she sobbed.

Naruto sighed and relaxed his stance slightly. "There are a couple of reasons. First of all, it's too dangerous for me to stay here. Orochimaru was weaker than any member of Akatsuki, and they're bound to come calling. If I stay here, then everyone is at risk. I've already hurt my friends by being myself. I don't want anyone else hurt because they want what's inside me. Second, during my training, I discovered something. If I don't find the last part of that scroll, then we could all be doomed. I think my life in exchange for all of yours is a fair one. Just so long as none of you get hurt…"

Her crying didn't stop. But when he tried to shake her off again, she managed to whisper in a voice that was barely audible, "I thought I had already lost you once… if you leave now, then I'll just follow you… I'll never let you get away from me again…" she finished and cried even harder, drowning out anything that he might have heard.

Naruto sighed again and gently pried her hands from around her waist. When she struggled, he squatted down, his face hidden in the darkness. "Tell me, Hinata. Would it really hurt you that much if I left Konoha?"

She looked up from where she had been crying, convinced that Naruto was gone from her again, that there was nothing that she could do. "Y-Y-Yes… I-I-I d-d-don't k-k-know if I-I-I could g-g-go o-o-on if s-s-something had happened to y-y-you…"

He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. "Alright, if it really means that much to you, then I won't leave."

Hinata's sigh of relief was lost as she threw herself at Naruto for the second time in her life. This time, he returned the embrace as any friend would. She only hoped, while she cried into his shoulder, that it would become more then just a friendship.

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Tsunade and several shadow clones were scanning papers at top speed in her office. Each had a large folder and was thoroughly combing it for a piece of information that the Hokage really needed. Four of the folders were thick, bound with seals to keep the information locked up unless needed. Next door, several more shadow clones were going through filing cabinets.

The reason that she was desperately tearing her office apart was because of the news that Choji had dropped by earlier. Apparently, when he had walked by Hinata's camp, she was nowhere to be seen. Assuming that she was in the portapotty, he had walked on by until a flash of green had caught his eye. The stall was unoccupied.

When he got back to the front gates and had a closer look at the building, he could see that the front door was slightly ajar. Someone had recently entered or exited the building. Not only that, but after some snooping around, he had found traces of blood on the gates, confirming the fact that she had broken the blood seal and was now inside Naruto's house.

What Tsunade wanted to know was how Hinata managed to use _her _blood to open a blood seal that was meant to open for the Namikaze Clan only. In fact, there were only two ways to do so, if you were not born into the family. One was to be adopted at an early age, where your blood composition could be altered somewhat, and the other… well, that was what she was looking at right now.

All of the files weren't jutsus, mission reports, or even medical files. They were family history records. The four smaller files were on Hinata's and Naruto's parents. Everything that they did outside missions was displayed out in front of them. If her suspicions were correct, then the fangirls of the village would go on a rampage to get rid of Hinata.

It wasn't one of her Shadow Clones that came to report the news. Instead, Shizune nervously approached her sensei with a piece of paper clutched in her hand. Wordlessly, Tsunade accepted the document and quickly scanned over it.

"So, it's true after all… the Hyuga did win… it's just as I thought…"

Shizune gulped, something she was doing more and more often. "You mean… the Namikaze Tradition… was continued in Naruto?"

The Hokage nodded tiredly. "Yes. If the council hears about this, then they'll try to reinstate the 'Lost Clan Act'. They want his bloodlines, and they'll stop at nothing to get it."

"But… but wouldn't that make Hinata-san miserable? I mean, we all see how far she's willing to go for him… well, everyone except Naruto, of course."

Tsunade nodded again, handing the piece of paper back to Shizune to be refilled. "Yes, and that's not the only problem. If the council reactivates the 'Lost Clan Act', then we're going to have a massacre on our hands. The Kunoichi of this village would stop at nothing for Naruto, and some of the Jonin and Chunin might get a little… violent toward the female civilian population."

"So what can we do?"

The Hokage bit her lip, thinking. "Inform the major clan and family heads. If we can unify them, then we can stop Danzo and his allies. But in the meantime, just keep it to the heads until we can gain enough support."

Shizune nodded and retreated out of the room, shutting the door behind her. For the fifth time that day, she felt sorry for Naruto.

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Naruto, meanwhile, was still supporting a crying Hinata, unsure of what to do. He knew what to do for an injured friend. He knew what to do for a broken friend. Hell, he even knew what to do with a dead friend. But he sure as hell _didn't_ know what to do with a crying friend.

Hinata's tears were not purely of sorrow or joy, or any other emotion, for that matter. She was glad beyond belief that Naruto had managed to stay, proud at herself for as the one who had done it, sad because of the pain that he had gone through, just to keep everyone else safe, and shock that he would willingly die for them all.

He coughed gently and winced. "Hinata, it's alright. I'm staying. Through I may not be around for long if you don't let me do one thing."

Her crying stopped abruptly, through she still sniffled and her words were somewhat slurred. "W-W-What, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto managed to wheeze out, "Breathe, Hinata. I need… air!"

She immediately relinquished her grip on his chest and quickly backed away, blushing redder then a lobster as Naruto gulped down lungfuls of air, desperate to replenish what he had not been able to get with her arms around him.

Hinata was turning redder and redder from a combination of watching him desperately get down air and from her inner self's words, which were suggesting what to do with Naruto while he was down. She resisted both things and managed to force her blush down to an acceptable level before her heart burst.

Naruto was nowhere near as lucky.

His body was already weakened from three days of non-stop training and chakra-burning exercises required all the air it could get. When Hinata had cut off his supply of oxygen, his cells, which had already been pushed to the breaking point, simply began to break down. Also, thanks to the demonic chakra still permeating large sections of his body, Kyuubi couldn't heal him.

The result was Naruto down on all fours, coughing and wheezing his heart out, trying to get down a breath of air that would sooth the burning sensation that was spreading all throughout his body.

After a few minutes, his physical resistance broke down and he finally caved into the consequences of abusing his body to the point that he had gone to.

Hinata was the first one to notice the fact that Naruto had stopped wheezing and coughing. In fact, his entire body lay still, apart from a tremor and spasm that would rock him every few seconds.

Her concern returning in an instant, she rushed over to where Naruto had collapsed, rolled him onto his back, and performed a diagnostic jutsu before helping him up by lifting one of his shoulders. She was scared of having to carry him and his weights all the way upstairs, but Naruto coughed again and pressed a button on his side, releasing the weights.

Having lost the dead weight, she quickly helped him up the stairs, pausing every few seconds to let him take in a deep breath of air. After Sakura and Ino's descriptions, she knew exactly where Naruto's bedroom was, and she quickly put him on the bed before rushing into the bathroom to soak a towel with cool water.

When Hinata got back and placed the towel on his forehead to run down the fever, she took a long look at Naruto's physical condition and was appalled at what she saw.

Naruto's hands were missing huge chunks of skin from where they had been ripped off during his training. The diagnostic jutsu she had performed earlier had shown her major damage to all of his internal organs, some damaged to almost beyond recognizing. Not only that, but blood loss had seemed to take its toll on the already broken down body. Infections had begun to spread on the various injuries, and he was malnourished and dehydrated.

There was no permanent damage- yet. That could easily change with the next six hours. Somehow, she had to get Tsunade in here or risk using what little she had on hand to restore him to a traveling condition so that they could get to the hospital. Hinata would have carried him, but the slightest jarring would disrupt his already destroyed organ systems, and she didn't want to risk that.

Instead, she bit her lip, unsure of what to do until another groan from Naruto solidified her resolve and she pulled a small medical kit out of her pouch.

Using a Genjutsu to relieve the pain, she used a chakra scalpel to open Naruto up. His internal organs looked even worse from here, and she wanted to cry for him, but she did her best to patch them up to the point where they could support themselves. She then closed him up and sealed the wound before turning to his hands and the various infections that he had.

Hinata applied her homemade injury cream to the bloodied areas, thus accelerating the healing process. The infections, however, were another problem. She didn't have any antibiotic on hand, and the infections were non-life threatening, so she changed the towel on his forehead, resoaking the cloth with cool water before touching him on the shoulder and jumping out the window, heading to the pharmacy for some basic medical supplies.

Behind her, Naruto started wheezing and rolling on his bed…

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Author's Note:

HEYO!

Alright people, whats up?

anyway, like i said, theres some fluff here, and i saved some for the next chapter.

Spring break is almost here, and i hope to have 3-4 chapters out during the 9-day span. so get ready for some major writing.

Anyway, it's time for me to sound like the announcer dude.

Ahem.

... What is this mysterious doccument? Why are Tsuande and Shizune so concerned about it? What lies in store for Hinata? Find out next time, on chapter XIV of Timeless, Naruto's Acceptance!...

Well, that's my spheal over with. i'm gonna incorpate that into every chapter from now on.

Until next time, please, Please, _Please, **Please **_**_Please, PLEASE_**, review Review _Review, **Review, Review, REVIEW!**_

With the Best of Regards and a Happy Spring, (or fall, if you are in the southern hemisphere)

Xingster

PS: This piece is now over 80K words! W00T! Let's shoot for the 100k Club before the end of spring break!

Later!


	15. Chapter 14

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO. WRITER'S BLOCK SUCKS!

Chapter XIV: Naruto's Acceptance

Naruto 'woke up' in his mindscape again, in front of the Kyuubi's cage.

_**Welcome back, kid. It seems as though your visits are more frequent now. I wonder why…**_

He yawned, relieved that he could at least breathe in this dimension. _What happened? All I remember is Hinata hugging me and not being able to breathe…_

_**Your body is fine. The female with the white eyes took you to your bed and treated some of your injuries. She had gone out to get more supplies. When you wake up, it will be very painful. Try not to go too far, as I can't heal you until the influence of my last injection of chakra goes down.**_

Naruto rubbed his neck again. _Kyuubi, we need to work out a better method of me using your demonic chakra. I mean, it tears me apart every single time I use it… is there a way to, I don't know, dilute it somehow?_

The fox snorted, putrid breath rolling over Naruto. _**Kid. You already have that power. Remember? Once you ascend to-**_

_Yeah, I know. But I need an everyday solution. I mean, I can't go Guardian Mode for training or stuff like that. But that's beside the point! The few times outside a training environment that I've had to go into that mode-_

_**Yes… well, that's not going to work, now is it? Well, what about your clones… **_

_What about them?_

_**As I recall, you made some chakra clones, under that senile old man that you called a master, and had them work on elemental chakra. **_

Naruto bit his 'lip', deep in thought. _The only problem with that is the fact that summoning one of those clones would take up most of my chakra, as you have to be able to at least give up a quarter of your chakra to the summons's chakra. I could only summon four of my clones at most, and that would knock me out for a couple of hours._

_**Baka Gaki. Just fuse with the clones!**_

_The same to you, Baka Kitsune. If I fused with them, I would get chakra overload. We're not all demon lords, you know._

_**Humans are so… weak! This should not be a problem for you. **_

_Yeah, you invincible demon. Gloat away all you like. We weak humans, as you called us, can't be sealed away inside other humans! Booyah!_

The Kyuubi did not appreciate the fact that he was sealed up inside Naruto, and that his jailor was taunting him about it very well. Growling, he hurled himself at the bars of his cage. While he failed to penetrate the barrier, it did shake the entire mindscape until all Naruto could see was the fuzzy outline of the fox.

_Damn you, Kyuubi! What the hell have I said about doing that!_

The fox sat back down and started licking its paws. _**You said not to. But since when did I start listening to you?**_

Naruto growled himself and severed the connection, thus ending the conversation before he could lose his temper. Despite being a multi-millennia old demon lord, as well as his ally and tenant, Kyuubi could really get on his nerves sometimes. The only way to get back at him was to go fox hunting, but the residents of the village had long since cleaned out the local population of foxes after Kyuubi's attack.

After fuming for a few more minutes in his mindscape, he started clawing his way back to consciousness. It was harder then usual. Imagine climbing a five-mile ladder. That was normal. Ok, so now you're wearing silk gloves with silicon padding, and the rungs of the ladder are generously coated with WD-40. That's how it was. Better then the first time he had gone Guardian Mode, though. That had been like shinnying up a ten mile pole coated with motor oil, without the use of his legs.

About halfway up, he paused and conjured up a small platform to catch a breather on. It wasn't really using that much of his chakra, but the concentration was giving him a headache. So far, he had slipped twice and only managed to grab on to the rung below after throwing a kunai with a string attached around the bars. Of course, all of this was nonsensical and outside the four dimensions of regular space, as he didn't have any of that physical stuff with him. It would kinda hurt if someone shoved a Kunai into his brain…

When he felt as though his brain was no longer in danger of explosion, he resumed the journey back to consciousness. By his reckoning, it took him twenty minutes to reach the top and the trapdoor to the outside world. Now all he had to do was open the damn thing. Someone else could open it for him, if they gave him an electrical shock or something similar, but that was highly unlikely unless Kakashi was around to stick a Chidori into his chest. Somehow, Naruto didn't see his former sensei doing that anytime soon.

So Naruto gripped the ladder as best as he could, cocked back one fist, laced it with chakra, and let fly. The trapdoor exploded upwards, taking his entire body with it.

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Naruto slowly opened his eyes. It was a real effort just do to that. It seemed as though every fiber of his body was on fire and the truth hadn't been that far off. During those chakra burning exercises, he had used fire techniques, some of the most draining, to siphon off massive amounts of energy. However, all that heat had to go somewhere, so he redirected some of it toward himself. He had healed them, but his skills as a medical ninja were poor, and while no longer skinless, he still felt the pain.

After making sure that none of his bones were shattered, Naruto forced chakra into his back, wedging his battered body into a sitting position. Sunlight streamed into the room, making his eyes water after spending the better part of three days underground burning off chakra and training.

Naruto managed to sit up for a few minutes, breathing heavily all the while. Now that the majority of the Demonic Contamination from the last shot was gone, his injuries were healing at an accelerated rate, though nowhere near what they usually would have been. He closed his eyes, feeling the smaller wounds close up.

He stayed that way until Hinata ran back inside his room, a scroll across her back and two bags of various medical supplies in her hands. When she saw that Naruto was sitting up, swaying in his bed, she rushed over and laid him gently back down onto his pillows.

"How did you get up?" she asked, in a voice that even Naruto couldn't pinpoint the emotions. Was it relief? Or could it be anger?

"One… of… my… bloodlines…" he managed to rasp out. "Independent… Chakra… has… mind… of… it's… own…"

Hinata took the scroll off of her back, unrolled it, wiped a drop of blood on the paper, and made five seals. "Summoning Jutsu!" she cried.

When the smoke cleared, Tsunade was standing there, scowling heavily. "Brat… you haven't changed one bit… who gave you permission to Haraishin out of the hospital? This might end your career as a ninja, you know that right?"

Naruto grinned painfully. "Not… a… chance… you… old… hag…"

Tsunade twitched, and without warning, punched Naruto in the stomach.

"Hokage-sama!" Hinata cried, horrified at what the Sannin was doing.

Naruto doubled up, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth, some of it dripping onto the sheets. When Tsunade retracted her fist, he coughed, spraying more blood everywhere. "Well, maybe this'll teach you to be more respectful, brat."

He didn't get the chance to reply, as the sudden loss of air and blood deprived him of the chance to speak. He did, however, get the chance to shoot Tsunade a grin that told her that he had _not_ learned his lesson.

_Oh well, maybe next time…_ she thought as she ran a diagnostic jutsu. After the results came back, the Hokage paled and immediately cut open his shirt, targeting the most critical of his injuries. His liver was almost completely pulverized, kidneys had contusions, and his heartbeat was somewhat erratic. Each one of them could be fatal, but all three together could kill even a Jinchuirki. Demonic chakra could heal bodily systems, but it couldn't be used in the place of those systems.

After those major injuries were healed, she proceeded to the less serious ones, such as reinflating part of his left lung, healing a series of nasty cuts that Hinata had missed, replenishing lost blood with hospital-grade blood plasma pills, and hooking him up to an IV to make sure that he wouldn't starve to death.

When she finished hooking up the last tube, Tsunade whacked Naruto on the head, eliciting a shout of pain and many a cry of "BAA-CHAN!" from our downed hero. After she had responded appropriately, the medical-nin turned to her younger assistant.

"Hinata, I'm giving you a B-ranked mission."

"Y-Yes, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade gestured to the bedridden blonde ninja. "You are to watch and guard Naruto Uzumaki until further notice. There may be assassination attempts, and we can't let him die. Also, if there are any further complications, just send for me again. _And you…_" She glared at Naruto. "You stay in bed for week. If I find out that you left, I'll have you confined there for a month. Your body can't handle any more training. I'm amazed that you're still conscious, as a matter of fact."

Naruto grinned back. "Just you wait, baa-chan… I'll be out of bed in three days… and I'll have enough energy to paint the stone faces again… just you wait…"

With those words, he passed out again. Tsunade had _accidentally _the supply of anesthetic in her office, but had decided to operate anyway. Just because she didn't have to cut him open to heal him didn't mean that he wouldn't feel pain as she stitched him together with chakra.

Hinata nodded, her face set. She would not allow anything to happen to _her_ Naruto while she still had breath in her body.

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Two days rolled by, Naruto mostly snoring in his bed. For someone who had near boundless energy during the day, waking him up was about as easy as mixing water and oil. You could wake him up for a few minutes, but unless you did something to keep him up, he would fall back asleep within a few minutes.

Hinata didn't really mind the quietness in Naruto's house. In truth, she enjoyed staring at his sleeping face for hours on end, occasionally scribbling something in her diary for later reference. There was also a dark secret that the Hyuga didn't want to let out.

Hiashi Hyuga was a Closet Pervert.

Now, not a complete pervert, mind you. While it was true that he didn't go peeking into the hot springs every couple of days, it was common knowledge that he kept a concealed copy of 'Make-Out Paradise' on his desk at all times, enjoying a quiet blush when times weren't as demanding. In fact, it seemed that all adult male ninja of every hidden village seemed to enjoy those books. However, only a few openly carried a copy around and read it in front of everyone else, Kakashi being one example. It was an unspoken law that if you saw someone carrying one of those books, you should react with disapproval on the outside, but congratulate them on the inside.

Hinata, however, was curious when she saw that her father was grinning at a book as she passed by his office one day. That very night, she sneaked into the office and had a look at the book herself.

The results were not pretty.

The next day, she had transformed into Kakashi and walked into the bookstore, purchasing an entire set of the books, then transforming them and herself to look like Neji and some library books. After she got into her room, she had stowed the books away in various spots, reading them in the dead of night when she knew that nobody was watching.

Like father, like daughter.

Hinata Hyuga was a bit of a pervert.

Her case was nowhere near as severe as her father's though. She didn't ever read those books in daylight or even talk about them. She followed the unspoken law to the letter. However, once you gave a young girl something like that, it was bound to affect her in a negative way.

Hinata's dreams and fantasies were written in her diary, often very explicatively. There was a reason why her younger sister had decided to join the ranks of Naruto's fangirls. After all, the book was like a manual to all of Naruto's good parts and how to use them. What girl could resist that?

But despite the fact that the book in her hand was dangerous, she just kept on adding more to it. With every word and letter, the potency of the book would increase. If it ever got out into the general public, not only would the Hyuga's Reputation as a clan would be destroyed, but the fangirl ranks would swell and overflow any defenses that Naruto could put up against them. After that, the only alternative was to leave, and she didn't want that to happen.

Hinata scribbled another three lines before carefully closing the book, stowing the pen in her Kunai Pouch, and slipping the book into the said pouch, where it just looked like another book.

She got up and checked on Naruto's condition. Nothing had really changed, except that he occasionally rolled around in his sleep, almost dislodging the IV needles. The brief fever that had shown up the day after Tsunade had left was long gone, leaving him to mutter about ramen and training.

Hinata made sure that he was safely restrained before sending a shadow clone to the kitchen while she went to use the restroom. For some reason, bringing the porta-potty into Naruto's bedroom just didn't seem right, and even she had to eat.

Five minutes later, Hinata returned to find two cups of steaming ramen sitting next to Naruto's bed. However, on the other side of the bed, there were ten empty containers. She reacted instinctively, as she knew that Shadow Clones did _not_ eat instant ramen, suspecting a hungry intruder had gotten in somehow and decided to have a free meal before killing Naruto.

She couldn't be further from the truth.

Naruto was sitting up in bed, all IVs removed from his body, happily slurping the cup ramen. His face showed no sign of strain or pain from the intense beating that he had taken and the surgery following it. All in all, she saw a guy in his late teens, enjoying a meal of instant ramen in bed.

The moment that the last noodle was gone, he threw the cup into the stack and reached for another. It was then that he noticed that Hinata was staring at him with tears in her eyes. Still hungry, he reached for the next steaming cup, and managed to take half a bite before she launched herself at him, hugging him tightly.

"N-Naruto-kun… you're all right…"

Unfortunately, when she tackled him, Naruto had lost his grip on the Styrofoam cup, causing the boiling contents to fly skyward.

In a true anime style, he extended his jaw, and after his high-speed training, started picking off the noodles and soup in midair. As the majority of the soup came down, still boiling, and landed in his mouth, steam exited through his ears.

"Ooohh… Hinata… that's hot!"

Hinata immediately seized up, her face burning red before she passed out in Naruto's lap. Naruto, of course, was confused.

"Was it something I said?"

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Hinata woke up half an hour later. When she opened her eyes, the first thing she felt was the softness at her back. Groggily sitting up, she looked around the room and found to her horror that the window was open and Naruto was gone.

Before she could even get out of bed, Naruto hopped back inside and shut the window behind him.

"Naruto-kun… where h-have you been?"

Naruto shot a glance at the clock on the wall. He raised one finger to his lips and shushed her, motioning for her to come nearer. Hinata obliged, curious at his behavior.

When he got to the spot, he spun her around to face the window and pointed to the Hokage Monument. "Hinata. Watch very carefully. This may seem like Déjà vu to you."

Before she could say anything, he started sealing and counting down.

"Three… Two… One… _Boom!_"

On the word '_Boom_", the entire mountainside was shrouded in mist of every color. By the time it finished, not only was the Hokage Monument painted in every color of the rainbow, but the buildings nearby had also changed from their original color. The Hokage Tower was now a bright, blinding orange, not unlike what Naruto had wore in his youth. She could see other buildings, each a different color, or in the case of people on the ground, many different colors.

Naruto had modified a mist bomb, replacing the water with paint. The effects were devastating.

Even at this distance, Hinata could have sworn that she heard Tsunade shouting about a blonde gaki and castration.

The blonde in question grinned at Hinata, making her blush again. "Here, why not stay here for the night? That way, you won't have to donate any of your blood, and I won't have to undergo any unnecessary surgery."

Hinata paused for a moment, thinking about his offer. Her home _was_ just across the street and not that far out of reach, but until Tsunade expressly relieved her of duty, she couldn't leave. Not that she wanted to, in any case.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak aloud. Naruto grinned and made a turning gesture with his index finger, obviously telling her to turn around while he changed. Hinata didn't want to take the chance, and just left the room.

Thirty seconds later, Naruto emerged, fully dressed. He made two shadow clones, one to go get anything that Hinata needed from her own house, the other to make a special run to Ichiraku's Ramen for a huge order. Both transformed into red foxes and scrambled out the door, desperate to get to their designated destinations before Tsunade could catch them. Naruto's father had put a seal in place that stopped the incoming of people via Haraishin and Shunshin without Namikaze blood or a contract, and the outgoing of people using those techniques altogether.

By the time that they had gotten to the spare bedrooms, the first clone was tugging at Naruto's pant leg, a small package strapped to its back. Naruto took the offered parcel and dispelled the clone, handing the bundle to Hinata. When she had unpacked in her room, the second clone dispelled, leaving Naruto the knowledge of the ramen waiting for them below.

After they had eaten their fill, (Or rather, Naruto eaten his fill, since Hinata barely touched her food) Naruto made another clone to go out and get some desert. Barely five minutes had passed, during which time he cleaned up the dishes to be sent back to the ramen shop, when the harassed-looking clone reappeared in the kitchen.

The clone handed him a bag that was bulging with dango and muttered something about a crazy snake lady almost mugging him for the said dango. The original had laughed, telling the clone that he was lucky that the order hadn't been for sweet bean soup as well. If that had happened, not even a Rasenshuriken could have stopped Anko's onslaught.

Hinata took more kindly to the dango, downing several sticks as Naruto ate them by the fives. When they couldn't seem to finish the sweet pastries, the blonde nicked his thumb and summoned a yellow toad, who seemed more than eager to take what was leftover. Gamatatsu opened his mouth and swallowed the dango, sticks and all, before waving a goodbye to Naruto and Hinata and poofing away.

Now that his stomach was full and no longer in pain, he could refocus on his training. First, however, he sent Hinata off to bed, saying that the bags under her eyes were painful for him to watch and that she really needed a good night's sleep. Naruto overrode her protests about the mission that the Hokage had assigned her, saying that he would take care of 'Baa-Chan' for her.

After making sure that her door had really closed, he descended the steps into his dojo, wincing at the sight of the state it was in. He had really no idea of just how much damage he had done. Now that he inspected the wall, the scattered training dummies, and the racks of destroyed weapons, Naruto did feel like burning off the chakra in this way was perhaps not the most efficient nor the most economical way.

Naruto sighed and crossed his fingers to make yet more shadow clones. One group he sent out back to retrieve the cement in his shed, another to build and replenish the store of dummies, and another to pick up the broken weapons, salvage what he could, and get the rest to sell to the scrapper.

Five minutes later, after he had sealed the wet cement so that it wouldn't slop all over the place, had a small pile of Kunai and Shuriken back in his pouches, and burned what training dummies that couldn't be recovered, he settled into a Taijutsu stance, eager to continue his training.

The problem with fighting Akatsuki was that they each had a power that canceled out the other's weaknesses. For instance, Deidara was dreadful at hand-to-hand combat and weak against extremely fast jutsus that couldn't be destroyed by him detonating a handful of his famous clay, but Kisame, with his three-tailed bijuu and that sword of his, could absorb and or reflect any Ninjutsu thrown at him.

As it was right now, Naruto, Lee, and Gai could all take on Kisame with their best Taijutsu techniques and still be killed. Kisame was practically indestructible in his body, thanks to the shell that turtles had. The only way to kill him was to chop his head off with either a chakra scalpel or some sort of weapon. Both of which were easier said than done.

For one thing, moving fast enough to get close to Kisame without being swallowed by one of his water jutsus was tricky. Not only was that a problem, but his blade, Samehada, despite its size and apparent weight, was amazingly agile. Naruto had seen him wave it around like a conductor's baton before completely destroying his chakra blade.

The only way to fight him was to go all out with Taijutsu or somehow beat one of the Seven Legendary Swordsmen of the Mist at a Kenjutsu fight. Something to this day, that nobody had ever achieved. Kakashi had managed to defeat Zabuza using his Ninjutsu, since that blade didn't have the ability to absorb chakra.

However, even Kisame was so fast. Naruto thought that if three of them went all out, they just might be able to defeat Kisame, albeit with the draining of all of their energy. That blade of his could expand, and if any of it touched them, their chakra would immediately start to be siphoned off. So they had to get better at weapons and speed. The last thing he needed was for Kisame to slip past his guard and cut his arm off.

The main reason that they were going to fight Kisame was not because he was the weakest member. Far from it. The reason that they were going to attack him first was because of his partner, Itachi Uchiha. They still needed Uchiha blood to unseal the last part of the scroll, and somehow, he didn't think that Sasuke would be kind enough to donate a sample.

However, when Jiriaya had left him, he had also left some of the secrets that he would need to survive the next couple of years and to finally stopping Akatsuki. One of those scrolls was the truth behind the Uchiha Massacre. He hadn't believed it, but after remembering that Itachi spared Sasuke yet again, it all fell into place.

Naruto needed to try to convince Itachi to return to Konoha, just as Hinata had started him off the path. It wasn't going to be easy, however. Itachi might have changed since the report was written over a decade ago. It only made sense. Spending a decade in the presence of eight of the most powerful and evil ninja ever to stalk the land would throw anyone's psyche for a loop.

If the couldn't get Sasuke back, then so be it. Konoha still had one loyal Uchiha. Sasuke would be killed, preferably not by Orochimaru in an attempt to get his body. While Naruto was pretty sure that he was dead, something was nagging at the back of his skull, telling him that the snake was still wandering around the earth.

All of this brought them back to fighting Kisame. It was true that Itachi might be able to stop Kisame fighting and even bring him back to Konoha with them, he had to be able to get in a couple of words first, without the giant slicing blade trying to turn him into fish paste.

With that thought, he strapped on his discarded weights, pulled up a stone training post, and went to work, trying to break the behemoth.

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Several hours and two sprained wrists and ankles later, the two-ton stone finally cracked in two, the rough edges carving out a small painting on the ground it slid on. He made two clones, who after much swearing and stubbing of toes on the said rock, lifted it out of the dojo and shifted it upstairs and outside to his backyard. It would make a nice centerpiece for his fountain after he got around to carving it with wind chakra.

Naruto wiped a layer of sweat and grime off his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt, wondering what to do next. The most obvious thing that he could think of was to go ask Tenten where to buy weapons. He needed a traditional sword to fight Kisame and Samehada, one that wouldn't break from high-speed impacts. Either a top notch modern blade, or even more preferably, one of the swords of legend.

He wasn't very likely to get either in this house, though. As long as Tsunade prowled the area around his house, it wasn't safe for him to poke his head out. The moment he did, Naruto had no doubt that Tsunade would defy the council and castrate him, thus ending the Namikaze and Uzumaki bloodlines.

So the only thing he could do was wait. Well, either that, or go out and challenge the Hokage to a Battle Royale and quite possibly destroy a large chunk of Konoha's Shinobi Force in the crossfire. While he relished the idea of showing off his true strength and get a workout, he had plenty of enemies as it was. The thought of the other elemental countries invading his home was enough to make him scowl.

If he could only restrain…

Naruto froze, struck by a certain thought. He _could_ restrain Tsunade. However, it would be neither quick, nor easy, or clean. The plan, which Kyuubi had been so pleased to beam to him via their mental link, required him to use his lone Chakra clone and several thousand shadow clones, some second level Rasengans, and some bait. He had everything… except for the bait…

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Tsunade was fuming, one of the many jonin that were now camping in front of Naruto's house having just reported in. Apparently, Naruto had managed to modify the seal that regulated the control of objects in and out. He had disabled the out bit for inanimate objects and started harassing the ninja outside.

The reporting Jonin was pink from head to toe.

At first, Naruto had taken to dumping Mini-Rasengan over the walls, sending the unfortunate chunin who were on duty scrambling for cover and squealing like little girls. When the Jonin reinforcements had arrived, Naruto was standing on top of the wall, hosing the chunin down with ice-cold water.

The jonin, who had orders to take down and capture Naruto, saw the opening that he presented and attacked as one person, jutsus ready, ignoring the shouts of warning from the cowering chunin. A very bad idea, as it turned out.

The moment that they got within range, the Naruto on the wall whistled and ten more jumped up to join the first in a firing squad position. After a brief moment of focusing, all the clones started firing off loosely packed Rasengan. The spiraling balls of energy weren't enough injure the airborne ninja, but it was enough to knock the entire attacking line into the Hyuga estate, where a very irate Hiashi Hyuga was waiting.

That had gone on for fifteen minutes, or rather, until Yamato had showed up, building a diversionary trench into the ground to let off the excess water, and shelters for the soaked ninja to take cover in.

Since then, they had tried to take the fortress twenty times, each time getting pushed back to behind the wooden barriers. Worse of all was one time; Kakashi had dropped by to try hit Naruto with his Raikari. What Tsunade and Kakashi both forgot about was that the area was filled with water, and the Raikari was a blast of pure electricity. The resulting shock was enough to make everyone in the vicinity have Kakashi-style hair.

Needless to say, neither Gai nor Anko were too pleased.

After Anko had run Kakashi halfway to Suna and nearly castrated him to boot, Lee and Gai (after fixing his hair, of course) had tried a Double Dynamic Entry. Naruto countered with a Triple Dynamic Exit, stopping the spandex wearers and destroying the clones.

All of the jonin had tried their best techniques to no avail. And the worse was still to come.

Roughly two hours after the last assault attempt, a dark shadow was seen hovering over the street. Before anyone could react, six Naruto clones had dumped hundreds of gallons of chakra-infused paint on the now thoroughly pissed jonin.

That's when Ibiki, who was painted bone-white, ordered a jonin to report back to Tsunade and brief her on the circumstances here.

Fifteen minutes after the report, Tsunade had charged out of her office and sprinted toward the trouble spot. When she turned the corner upon which the besieged jonin cowered, Naruto unleashed a blast of water that blew everything downstream. Ninja, tools, and Yamato's cover were all carried away.

As Tsunade picked up even more speed, Naruto jumped down from the wall and with a huge cloud of smoke, created over ten thousand clones, some of which trod on the stirring jonin where the water had deposited them.

The Hokage didn't care, however, and just tore at the army of clones, each blow dispelling dozens of the doppelgangers. The real one, however, was busy creating a seal in the middle of the crowd. As the enraged woman got closer and closer, the said seal was completed with a flourish and disguised to look like another piece of pavement.

When the Hokage brushed aside yet another platoon of clones, she stepped onto the seal, which immediately rose from its paper form to bind around Tsunade's middle, trapping her arms in place.

As Tsunade struggled to get free from the seal, the clone army started touching each other on the forehead, disappearing as they did so. Their ranks thinned out considerably, until there were just two Naruto's left. One of them, the clone, touched the real one on the forehead, who immediately looked a lot bet after the restoration of that much chakra.

With a grin, he poked his head back into the house, shouting, "Hinata! Come out! Quickly! Now's your chance to run for it!"

Hinata, who had been waiting just inside the door, didn't need to be told twice. She grabbed the scroll that held all of her stuff and high-tailed it out of there, turned down the street, and ran off in the direction of one of the gates.

Naruto turned back to face Tsunade, who was still struggling to get the seal off. He chuckled.

"Don't bother, Baa-chan. It would take me five minutes to get out of that seal. And don't bother having someone try to unseal you either. My father and the pervy sage were the only ones who could disable it, and since they're gone, I guess it's up to me to get rid of it."

When Tsunade snarled even more, Naruto raised one hand. "I'll tell you what, Baa-chan. I made this seal so that if I got to outside five miles from it, the seal would self-destruct. I got a message from our dear old friend, the Kazekage, not too long ago, and I need to get there. When you feel like it, could you send Bushy Brow and Bushier Brow Sensei our way? I have a feeling that fighting Kisame again won't be as easy as last time, now that he's got a bijuu. Well, later!"

Before Tsunade could even begin to protest, Naruto flashed over to the gates, shut them, and ran off down the street, shouting apologies to the grumbling ninja.

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Locating Tenten wasn't too hard. The only problem was that the nearest seal to her was the target that she was using at that very moment. Haraishining there might be a very painful, if not fatal mistake. Or he could just run to where she was.

He chose the latter option. For some reason, he felt as if he liked the amount of blood that he currently had in his body.

As he approached the spot where Tenten was drilling weapon after weapon into the post while twirling, no doubt as practice for some new technique. Nothing really out of the ordinary, at least, not until a kunai left the whirlwind and flew straight for his crotch.

Naruto jumped, flipped in midair, plucked the kunai out of the air, and threw it right back at her, whose shuriken were enough to knock both projectiles out of the air.

Tenten stopped spinning, her katana held ready in case of a hostile, but relaxed when she saw it was Naruto who had his hands up. She sheathed the katana, and he lowered his hands, though they never strayed too far from his kunai pouch. Tenten was famous for her temper sometimes, and a couple of well placed senbon could really hurt.

"Hey, Naruto!" she said, rather brightly. "What brings you here?"

The blonde scratched the back of his head, grinning. "Eh, I need a new sword. One that won't shatter on high-speed impact."

It was Tenten's turn to look confused. "What's wrong with your chakra blade? I mean, that worked fine when you sparred against me, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, against you. But you're not wielding a two hundred pound blade that shreds and eats chakra as well, right?"

She paled. "Are you talking about fighting Kisame and…?"

"Yeah, Samehada. I realized that my chakra blade couldn't cut through other chakra-infused surfaces, such as a chakra scalpel. Meaning if I fought a medical-nin, god forbid, I couldn't use my sword. I need a new blade. Do you know one around here that sells those?"

Tenten bit her lip. "I suppose you could try at my parents' shop… they have some blades that could meet your needs, but, I have to warn you, they aren't cheap."

Naruto tapped his vest. "Money's no problem. I'll take the best you've got. Now… where is, eh, your parents' shop…"

She sighed. "I can't believe that you've never been there before… Well, come on, if you're really gonna buy one of those dusty blades that we've got in our back room, then I suppose I can't stop you."

With that and a flourish of her hands, all of the weapons came back to her and she sealed them up. After making sure that nothing was left behind, she took off, Naruto close behind her.

When they got to the shop, he took a good look around to get his bearings. Ichiraku's ramen wasn't too far away, three blocks toward the Hokage tower, and he could even see his old apartment.

With a small tinkle, Tenten pushed open the door of the shop and went inside, calling, "Mom! Dad! I'm home! And I brought a customer with me!"

A middle-aged man walked out from behind a curtain, beaming at her daughter. "Welcome home! I have to say, it's been a while, hasn't it? And who's this behind…"

He stopped in mid-sentence, jaw dropping. "Yondaime… is it…"

Naruto grinned. "Nope. Pretty close guess though, jiji. Try one generation later and missing for seven years."

A vein in the man's temple bulged. "Young man, I am forty-five, and I am not old!"

"Whatever you say."

He growled, but decided to put it aside for the moment. "Now, what can I help you with? Kunai? Shuriken? Senbon? Metal Wire?"

Naruto shook his head. "I can make those. No, what I need… is a top-notch sword."

Tenten's father raised an eyebrow. "Alright then. Let's get your needs. Are you right handed or left?"

"Right-handed."

"What kind of fighting?"

"High-speed and extreme contact."

"Any preference to the blade length and shape?"

At this, Naruto reached into his pocket, pulled out the hilt of his chakra blade, and flicked it on, handing the hilt over to Tenten's father. The shopowner took a careful measure of the blade, noted its sharpness, and saw where the chakra was wearing thin, indicating where the blade was mostly used to strike.

"Hmm… interesting combination… three foot blade, medium cut, three-quarters slash, very fine grain, even for a chakra blade." He looked up. "Why use a straight blade? I mean, I've got nothing against them, but why not use a katana? They're faster and the blade itself is sharper."

Naruto shrugged. "All of my Kenjutsu techniques require a straight blade. My sensei never learned how to use a katana, and being nearly ninety years old, didn't feel like learning a whole new style. Besides, straight blades are more durable. The last time I fought using a katana, the damn thing shattered halfway through the fight. I can't afford that now. If the blade shatters in my next fight, I'm dead. Thanks to that piece of sharkskin…"

Tenten's father's reaction was almost the same as his daughters. "Samehada… you're gonna fight Kisame? I know you're good, but even my daughter couldn't match one of the seven legendary swordsmen of the mist…"

"I know, and that's why I'm using a straight sword. Now, do you have any, or not?"

Biting his lip, the man responded. "Hang on, let me go back and check."

Naruto nodded, and Tenten's father rushed into the back of the store, where the sound of falling metal could be easily heard in the front of the shop.

However, Tenten wasn't paying any attention to the racket that her father was making. Her attention was on Naruto.

"Are you really going to fight Kisame?"

Naruto nodded again. "Unfortunately, yes. It's not Kisame I'm after, though. I'm after his partner, Itachi Uchiha. We can't seem to locate Sasuke at the moment, so Itachi is the only source of Uchiha blood at the moment."

"Isn't that-?"

"Yeah. The murderer of the Uchiha Clan and why Sasuke is driven to kill him. I only hope he's still alive."

"What do you mean?"

Naruto sighed. "If Sasuke caught wind that Itachi was anywhere within fifty miles of him, then he would go on the war path. Itachi isn't as strong as he used to be, and if Sasuke kills him, then he will be the last Uchiha. I'm no fan of the fire-breathing and power-hungry idiots, but their stored jutsu are sure useful."

Tenten looked confused. "Why do you want Itachi back? I mean, he killed all the Uchihas, he's the reason they're all gone!"

He grimaced. "I can't say why I want him back. If I told you, then baa-chan would have my hide before I got out of the village. If she gives me permission, I'll tell you."

She looked disappointed, but it was masked by the reappearance of her father, who was hefting a wooden case. Naruto peered over as the man wiped his brow, entered a rapid series of numbers, and popped the top.

Inside was a sword, straight as an arrow, shining silver in the light coming in from the windows. Next to it was a green sheath, all of lying in silver velvet. The effect was enough to make Naruto's eyes water.

After a nod from the shopowner, he reached forward and picked up the sword, checking the physical properties of the blade.

"Hmm… eighty four inch blade, medium-coarse cut, three quarters slash… what kind of grain is this?"

"Ah, that would be the pearl grain. The outer layer has been fused with extreme heat into a seamless weapon. It's very expensive though, and only the finest examples can be used in combat. I am very pleased to tell you that this is one of those examples."

Naruto nodded. "All right, I'll take it. And… ouch…"

The man nodded sympathetically. "Yes, and this is why this fine blade has been sitting there all this time, just gathering dust. Nobody in this village can afford it? Could I interest you in a cheaper model?"

The blonde shook his head, reaching into a back pocket, while his other hand went for a pen in his vest. Taking out a checkbook and the said pen, he quickly wrote out the amount that the weapon master had requested, placed the check on the table, and got out a blank scroll.

As the two weapon users watched in amazement, Naruto scribbled on the paper, rolled it into a tube, slipped the sheath into the paper tube, placed it on the counter, and rapidly made a series of seals. After fifteen seconds, the paper flowed over the shrinking sheath, eventually melding into one color.

As soon as the chakra flow stopped, he picked up the blade, slipped it into the six-inch sheath, tied the entire thing next to his shuriken pouch, thanked the two dumbfounded brunettes, and left the shop, quickly turning in the direction of Ichiraku's Ramen.

When the tinkle of the bell finally faded into silence, Tenten's father looked at her. "I want you to marry that boy."

Taken aback, she replied, "Why? I mean, he's a good guy and all, but isn't Neji as well?"

The shopowner raised one hand, ticking off the good points of Naruto. "First of all, he's the son of the fourth. Two, he's way more powerful then Neji will ever be. Three, they don't come any better than Naruto. Four, he's gonna be Hokage soon. And five, he's rolling in dough. Look at just how much he slapped down for that sword!" he pushed the check over to Tenten, who glanced at the figure written on the line.

Her jaw dropped and a vein twitched in her forehead. Naruto had just slapped down five point three million ryo for a _sword_! Even she wouldn't pay that much for a blade, albeit one crafted by the some of the best smiths in the land.

"Still, I'm not going after him. I doubt that Neji will be too pleased if I left him, and besides, half the village is on his tail. I'd have no chance."

Tenten's father shook his head. "Alright, but I'm telling you, they only come once in a generation…"

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Naruto had already sent a clone ahead to warn Ayame that he would need a massive order of ramen, enough to feed him and four others for a month. Needless to say, the amount of ramen needed to feed the blonde for a month did not come cheap.

When he got to the restaurant, he rolled open the scroll as Ayame gestured for him to come into the kitchen. Moving that much ramen was impossible for any person, or even a shadow clone army to do in an effective timespan.

It was quite lucky for the entire town that Ichiraku's carried their own flour supply for making noodles, as the amount that would have been taken from the food supply would leave mass hunger behind it. It got so bad that Naruto modified the seal to pick up the boxes instead of him actually touching it.

After paying for the ramen, (Which emptied out his wallet) he waved a cheery goodbye and took off for the gates facing Suna.

Fifteen minutes later, the shout from the Hokage alerted the whole village that Naruto was gone.

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Author's Note.

HEYO!

Whats up?

Yeah, i know it's been like, over two weeks since i updated.

Writer's block is a bitch.

I tried to make this chapter as nice as i could, but ehem. some things i could never get straight.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this one, since i dont really like the wording of this one. It's more filler than anything else.

Oh, and before i forget.

I created Forums for this piece, so if you want to go and discuss with other readers about the plot of this piece, go right on ahead. just read the rules first... PLEASE!

Also, i created a poll, but i'm not so sure if it's working right. PM me if it doesnt show up.

And that should be it... i think

Ah, yes, the announcer part...

Ehem...

Naruto has gotten away with a quality blade and a huge store of ramen! Where has hinata gone? Why does Gaara want to see them? Find out next time on, Timeless Chapter XV: Kazekage Explaination!

Ah, so thats over with.

Anyway, sorry for the long wait. i'l try to write faster next time.

Until next time, please, Please, _Please, **Please **_**_Please, PLEASE_**, review Review _Review, **Review, Review, REVIEW!**_

Signing off:

Xingster

P.S. Please use the forums and the poll... i set them up for a reason, you know...


	16. Chapter 15

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO!

What? There aren't any tanks on this map.

I'm sure this can be explained with science.

BOOM!

This chapter is dedicated to a lovely lady up in the land of maple syrup. Yep. you know who you are.

Chapter XV: Sand into Glass

Hinata ran down the path to Suna, occasionally checking behind her to make sure that she wasn't being followed.

She wasn't.

After Naruto had told her the plan of what he was going to do, she had packed up her belongings, which Naruto had then sealed inside a scroll and handed to her. This had all been right after Tsunade's arrival, so she had to move fast.

In all respect, Hinata had a bit of a head start, as Naruto had to pick up some supplies. One did not go into battle with some of the most powerful and dangerous ninja in the world without being prepared. To do otherwise would be asking for an early death, something that most people aren't interested in.

Two hours after she had left the gates, her Byakugan saw a blur of green streaking toward her with another distinct chakra signature following not too far behind him. Strangely enough, it seemed to be keeping its distance, yet didn't have any trouble keeping up with the breakneck pace that the blonde was setting. Also, the blonde could probably sense a chakra signature that distinct, so it was nothing to worry about.

Before long, the blonde had caught up with her, and after judging that her speed was too slow, asked her to hop on his back so that they could make better speed and get to Suna faster.

Naturally, she turned red as a beet at this and lost attention on where she was going, slamming right into a tree trunk at top speed. As she fell backwards, Naruto kicked off the branch he had just gotten on, swerved, and caught Hinata in mid-fall to save her from losing the ability to walk.

After making sure there was no permanent damage, Naruto picked her up, bridal style, drained the chakra from the weights on his legs, and sped off in Suna's direction, Hinata's hair dancing in the fading sunlight.

By the time that dusk fell on them, they had already reached the border between the Land of Fire and the Land of Wind. The desert stretched out as far as the eye could see against the border of the forest, the ever shifting sands against the cool shade of the trees.

Naruto would have gone on, quite possibly reaching Suna by the following morning, that is, if he was by himself. If he continued on, not only would he have to deal with a possibly irate and hungry Hinata if she woke up in the middle of the desert, but she would start getting windburn and losing hair at the rate he was going.

Placing her gently against a tree trunk, he rummaged around in his first-aid kit until he found a small bag of smelling salts. He pulled one out, snapped the package to get the scent flowing, and stuck it under Hinata's nose.

The effect was immediate. She perked up, eyes instantly alert for any sign of trouble. When all she saw was Naruto crouching in front of her, her faced turned red again.

"N-Naruto-kun…"

"Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! Well, it's the middle of the night now, but I think we should get an early start tomorrow. Now, there's a creek roughly fifty feet thataway," he said, jerking his thumb vaguely behind him, "I'll warm up dinner and set up the tents."

Before she could say anything, Naruto poofed out of existence, revealing the real Naruto, who was busy setting up a tent and cursing at the lack of a mallet. Even as she watched, Naruto extended one hand behind him, formed a misshaped Rasengan, and drove the spike half a foot into the ground, nearly pulling the rest of the tent with it.

Giggling quietly at his antics, Hinata got up and slowly walked over to the creek, feeling her muscles cramp after not using them for a whole day. She washed her hands and face in the creek, letting the cool water rinse over her skin. It was bliss. Somehow, Naruto always managed to find a supply of fresh water every time they set up camp.

She returned to where Naruto was attempting to set up the tent. So far, he was unsuccessful, though not for a lack of trying.

Bent tent pegs littered the area, along with several disgruntled clones. The real Naruto, in his haste, knocked over a log from the fire and it rolled onto one of the tents, setting it ablaze. The other tent had collapsed many times, judging from the number of clones lying around it, shaking their heads in disgust and muttering about how they should have brought Yamato with them.

"Well, I hope you like sleeping tight. It look's like we're stuck in one tent. Damn it, I shouldn't have knocked that log over. Ah well, you just rest. I've got the guard covered. Get something to eat though. The sand can be unforgiving to someone who's weak. Learned that the hard way… anyway, chow down and then catch some shut-eye. We leave at sunrise."

With that, he snatched up a ladle, scooped out two bowls of ramen, handed one to Hinata, drank his down in three gulps, and made several dozen more clones to fan out and keep guard while he snoozed. Before Hinata could even finish a third of her bowl, he had already washed and brushed up, and hopped into his sleeping bag, snoring as his head hit the ground.

Hinata smiled as the sleeping cap went up and down to the rhythm of Naruto's breathing, the fuzzball on the end nearly going into his mouth with every snore. Somehow, that image reminded her of a child sleeping peacefully, though after what she saw from following him around, he had never truly been a child, never had the chance to truly experience childhood.

"Hinata. Quit staring at the boss and eat faster."

The sound coming from one of the clones caused Naruto to wake up and hurl a shuriken in the general direction of the voice. The lack of sound that indicated the destruction of a clone meant that any Narutos in that general direction had managed to dodge the metal star. Hardly surprising, as the weapon had been thrown rather half-heartedly, to the point of wobbling slightly in flight.

He cursed the perverted clone and got up, reaching into his pouch for a solder pill. What he didn't realize until the contents took effect was that this was not a solder pill. It was, in fact, a highly condensed Caffeine pill, generally used by budding scholars in musty libraries.

However, even the most dragged-down, exhausted, and bored scholar couldn't handle this much caffeine. A quarter of the pill would be enough to kill most civilians, and half would knock out any ninja under jonin level. You couldn't buy this in Konoha. The stuff was addicting, and Naruto knew people who were hooked. He always kept a few on him, just in case he needed that extra edge in battle without resorting to his second tier. Or he could take one just to annoy the hell out of anyone in the general vicinity.

It was a great gag at the few parties that he had been to.

Anyway, by the time he realized that he had swallowed a Caffeine pill instead of a solder pill, it was too late. Kyuubi could absorb anything he ate, hence why he ate so much, but the damn fox wouldn't touch the stuff. It was hardly surprising.

_Flashback_

_Alright, Kyuubi. Let's try this caffeine pill. I can't see why it was only sold to ninjas…_

_**Just be careful. We don't know what it does.**_

Naruto had swallowed the pill and stood still while he waited for the effects to kick in.

_Feel anything, Kyuubi?_

The fox didn't respond.

_Kyuubi. Earth to Kyuubi. Is anyone home?_

Bounce.

_Oh shit…_

Kyuubi had the ability to absorb anything he ate, including alcohol. This obviously extended to caffeine as well. Now the ancient and powerful Kyuubi was bouncing around his cage like a five year old kid. When you barely fit inside the damn thing, there wasn't much room to move around. The fox had spent the next two days recovering from the injuries that had been inflicted when he bounced off the bars of his cage, which were meant to repel him.

From that day forward, Kyuubi never touched caffeine again.

_End Flashback_

_Oh fuck. That was a caffeine pill, wasn't it?_

_**Hey, kid. **_

_Yeah, Kyuubi?_

_**Try not to get a heart attack.**_

_Well, fuck you too!_

Naruto came out of his conversation with Kyuubi, refocusing his attention on the girl sitting across the fire from him. "Hinata. We've gotta move."

"W-what's wrong, Naruto-kun?"

He scratched the back of his head sheepishly, one finger already starting to twitch. "Eh, em… how do I put it… I swallowed the wrong pill by mistake. I took a caffeine pill, not a solder pill. And eh, well… it I don't get moving soon, it's not gonna be pretty."

She started to stand up, but before she did, fifty clones popped up out of nowhere, sealed the camp up, put the fire out, and handed the whole lot to Naruto inside the span of five seconds. The caffeine had obviously spread to them as well.

The original Naruto crouched down, while two clones picked Hinata up, carried her over, and tied her onto the blonde's back.

"Trust me, you'll thank me later. No human can hold on when I'm on a caffeine high. Damn it, I knew I should have separated the two into separate pouches."

With that, he tapped the weights back _on_ in his lower legs, bent forward slightly, and shot off into the desert, screaming and whooping for joy. Waves and curtains of sand flew in both directions, completely burying an unfortunate caravan that had set up camp for the night far too close to the path of destruction that Naruto had created.

Hinata wasn't faring much better. At first, when Naruto had begun his initial acceleration to burn off the caffeine high, she had blacked out from the force of his movements. She reawaked two minutes later to find that the forests were no longer in sight, but a full moon had risen, bathing the sands in white light.

It would have been utterly romantic, if it wasn't for the fact that she was still hanging on for dear life, traveling at speeds that humans were never meant to go.

"WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO! MAN! THIS IS THE LIFE! I MISS RUNNING AROUND LIKE THIS!"

Hinata was slightly scared. _Naruto-kun runs around like this all the time? I wonder…_ from that point on, she blanked out her mind as to not think of anything naughty. Inner Hinata cheered her outer self on.

"HANG ON! I'M KICKING IT UP ONE MORE NOTCH!"

Naruto tapped the weights on his body, draining them of chakra. With the loss of several thousand pounds of weight, he lost all restriction.

They shot forward like a bullet out of a gun, reaching speeds that would make Shunshin seem like a slow jog.

Needless to say, at that speed, it didn't take them very long to reach Suna's east gate.

Well, the word 'Reach' is a bit of an understatement. More like drilled a hole through the stone barriers and ripped a hole through the net meant to catch speeding objects after Deidara had paid a visit five years ago.

After explaining himself to a terrified special jonin who was in charge of security, Naruto had his shadow clones untie Hinata from his back and they found a hotel in which they could spend the night. Even without a demon inside him, Gaara was the Kazekage, and one did not go barging in on a Kage in the middle of the night unless they had a really good reason.

The nearest hotel to the Kazekage's office threatened to burn a hole in Naruto's wallet, so they spread further out, finally finding a mid-range place that was still within easy access of the office and that did not eat up what little money Naruto had with him.

They checked in, and Hinata immediately went to her bed and passed out. Naruto, however, still had to get rid of the caffeine in his system, so decided to go out for a light jog with his weights _off_, since if he left them on, there wouldn't be much left of the sand village come daybreak.

Six hours later, when the sun finally did rise, the villagers of the sand village awakened to find that the surrounding area had been completely turned into glass, no doubt from some blonde overdoing it a bit with his Katon Jutsus. Nobody really complained, since they could now sell scrap glass to the other villages as well. Camels were great novelty items, but they just didn't bring in the money that the village needed.

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The Kazekage stared out over the once brown desert. It had once been a way to soothe his shot nerves after a long day of stamping paperwork and filling out forms.

No longer.

_Uzumaki… you had better have a good reason for doing this…_ the once insomniac redhead growled. Now, instead of desert sands stretching on for miles, a broken line of glass punctured the horizon, the biggest eyesore for miles around. Well, except for maybe when Kankuro got drunk and decided to have a striptease on top of the Kazekage's tower.

Temari's fan to the crotch had gotten the point across.

Gaara sighed, turning away from the sight of some villagers going out for an early bounty. He would deal with the glass later. For now, he had a blonde to talk to. The same blonde that had caused this mess.

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Naruto groaned as he staggered back into the hotel room, his clothes ripped and burned from the previous night's exertions. Now he remembered why those pills were reserved for combat only and even then in the most desperate of situations. He was lucky that he wasn't in Konoha, or the village might have had to change its name.

The blonde grumbled and winced as the sound of water flowing came from nearby. Some idiot just had to be taking a shower during his headache.

He grabbed a set of fresh (relatively) clothes, held them up to make sure they weren't bloodstained or covered in mud, and trekked into the bathroom. The only problem was, the doorknob was jammed.

Naruto swore and raised one finger to where the bolt should have been and slipped a brief pulse of wind chakra into the crack, forcing the door open.

Alas, lady luck had decided not to work her magic on our hero today, neither did his brain grant him any insight into the world, or his memories for that matter.

He had completely forgotten about Hinata.

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The said girl was relaxing in the shower at the time, hot water soothing her aching skin after that fiasco the previous night. Despite the fact that ninjas were accustomed to traveling at high speeds, they were still human.

Traveling at those speeds was inhumane.

Despite all the traveling and training she had done throughout her life, Hinata winced as she felt the windburns all over her body. The only parts that didn't hurt were the small patches of skin that had been completely blocked by Naruto, which amounted to about six square inches. Total. Pathetic, yes, but it was less pain to deal with.

The Ex-Hyuga heiress sighed as she rubbed her forehead, where Naruto had removed the cursed seal some time ago. Even now, the pain of application and removal still remained, though it was slowly fading with time. She would never forget waking up for the first time without it.

_But,_ she thought as she winced again, _Naruto-kun's always been nice to me… what have I ever done for him?_

Hinata was still deep in thought when the door slammed open as an irate Naruto stomped in. She blushed to match the rest of her body as he glanced over at her, grunted, washed his face from the faucet, and then did a double take, glancing back over his shoulder before collapsing with a nosebleed.

She nearly fainted as well, but managed to stay semi-conscious. Hinata turned off the flow of water and quickly stepped around Naruto with a towel wrapped around her.

After quickly changing, she went back into the steamy bathroom and knelt down beside the comatose blonde, trying to wake him up.

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_Damn it. Why the hell do I keep on ending back up here?_

_**Because kid, you have the luck of the devil, and I'm the closest thing to that in your realm of existence.**_

_Oh, ha ha. Very funny. _

_**I would think so.**_

_Sarcasm, Baka-Kitsune. Sarcasm. Try learning it. It might prove useful one day._

_**Why you little…**_

_Oh, and I've been itching to ask you a question. Care to answer._

_**Fire away.**_

_Why haven't I been torn apart by fangirls yet? I mean, the thing Orochimaru-teme injected me with should have kicked in already._

_**Simple human. While you were busy burning off my chakra, I possessed one of your clones and drugged the entire village water supply. The brothels will have empty pockets for the next three months.**_

_But, eh… we can't do that here. Any suggestions?_

_**You know me. Anything that gets in my way gets destroyed. But since you can't do that… care to do a demonic purge?**_

_Oh, hell no! That hurts like shit! Last time we tried that…_

_**Yes… an incurable poison, even to my chakra. But still, it would purify your blood of that ridiculous substance.**_

_And render me unable to move for a week. Besides Gaara, the reason I came here was so that Kisame and I would be on a leveler playing field. It's a lot harder to generate a lake in the middle of a desert._

_**Whatever, kid. It's your family jewels that are on the chopping block, not mine.**_

Naruto winced at the image. _You just had to use that, didn't you?_

_**Did it get my point across?**_

_No._

_**Then I didn't do enough. Ok, how about this. That blue-haired girl biting your jewels off. Do you get my point?**_

_Kyuubi… I'm warning you… don't make me use __**that**__ on you…_

The giant demon fox shuddered at the blonde's threat. He knew exactly what the kid meant, and it wasn't pleasant.

_**Alright, keep a lid on it. I'll stop. Just use that scent neutralizer that your friend gave you. Don't eat it though. I ain't absorbing that.**_

_I don't have any left, remember? SOMEONE thought it was a good idea to dump all the gifts that we got._

_**That junk would have just weighed you down.**_

_You made me drop Long-range Night Vision gear, a set of NewDawn Mark II armor, my old sword, anti-grav pods, and twenty pounds of Senzu Beans! The armor, maybe, but those Senzu beans would have proven useful!_

_**More useful then my chakra?**_

_I'm not gonna answer that question. Though it's kinda nice that Senzu Beans don't talk when you use them._

_**Ungrateful brat…**_

_Overgrown plushy…_

_**TAKE THAT BACK!**_

_Make me._

_**Why you little...**_ At this, Kyuubi dove at the laughing blonde, only to crash into the bars and get thrown back to the far side of his cage. _**When I get my paws on you…**_

_But you won't. In any case, I've got a little bit of that stuff stashed away somewhere. Won't last more then three months though. How long does the pheromone last? _

The fox sniffed. _**Days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, millennia, eternity, I can't tell. It's just gonna be a while. **_

_Are you ever gonna give me some good news?_

_**Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?**_

_What?_

_**Never mind. Just a joke I heard somewhere.**_

_Kyuubi… we need to talk later. About you and your sense of humor._

_**Hmm… bring a couple of joke books. I think it's time you got back to the outside, though. That girl might try something, and I don't really like the idea of a Hyuga bent over a fallen person. They do strange things sometimes, to try to wake you back up. Those pokes of theirs are really nasty.**_

_You've never been on the receiving end of one._

The fox chuckled, despite what had happened earlier.

_**Kid… trust me. I've been Jyukened more times then I care to count. When I still had my body, it was unbelievable how many Hyuga tried to stop my flow of chakra… idiots, the whole lot of them.**_

_Whatever. I'm outta here. Keep yourself entertained._

Kyuubi grunted and reached back into the cage for a massive copy of Icha Icha. _**Oh, I'll keep myself entertained. Don't worry about that.**_

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Naruto groaned as he shifted around on the tiled floor of the bathroom. The conversation with Kyuubi had left him somewhat irritable. But then again, Kyuubi _was_ a Kitsune. Those creatures were not known for their directness. Still, would it hurt that bad just to give a straight yes or no every once in a while? Apparently, the fox thought so.

He opened his eyes to find a pair of white ones staring right back at him, a curtain of blue hair falling to either side. If the blonde could think straight at the moment, it looked as if Hinata was almost…

"Eeep!" the poor girl screeched as she backed off. Well, maybe not _backed _off. More like jumped back as if branded with a hot iron.

Naruto groaned again, rubbing the back of his head. "Man that hurt. What happened? All I remember is walking into the bathroom… Hey, what's with all the blood?"

His eyes narrowed. "Did someone attack you, Hinata?"

The blue-haired Kunoichi rapidly shook her head, indicating that she was unharmed.

"Then… did someone attack me? Did _you_ attack me, Hinata?"

The mere thought of the girl attacking her crush made her angry. "No, Naruto-kun. I did not attack you. Nor did you attack me. We're both fine. You just… saw something that overwhelmed you. That's all."

Naruto blinked. This was Hinata? This wasn't the shy little girl or the unconfident teenager that he knew. Something had changed. "Eh, Hinata, are you… um… feeling alright?"

Hinata blinked. What on earth had made her say that?

Little did she know, her inner self had fought past its usual barriers and imposed a small portion of it's personality onto the outer persona. A very rare occurrence which almost always yielded very interesting results, depending on the person in question and the personality of their inner persona.

In this case, Inner Hinata had lost her temper and forced out a lot of her anger, only to be caught by the usual barriers. However, the sheer amount of it ripped a small and very temporary hole in the protective netting and forced its will out, resulting in the personality switch.

Naruto, having decided that he would figure this out later, stood back up. "Eh, Hinata. Not to be rude or anything, but could you leave for a sec? I need to take a shower."

Not wanting to be rude, the blue-haired girl backed out of the room as Naruto stood up, and while still rubbing the back of his head, quickly took a shower and got dressed to head out to meet Gaara, the Kazekage for the first time in 3 years. Things were about to heat up, what with the rapid approach of Akatsuki.

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The receptionist wasn't too pleased to see two unannounced and foreign shinobi trying to gain access to the Kazekage's office.

"Sir, I must insist that you have an appointment!"

Naruto's patience was wearing thin at the high-pitched woman trying to bodily block him from entering the office. "Look, lady. I've got an official document from the Kazekage himself. Now, will you let me go? It's kinda urgent if he actually requested me to come all the way here."

The woman only shook her head. "Sir, you have to have an appointment. I don't care if Kami herself wants to see him, she would need an appointment. Now, I insist that you leave before I call security."

The blonde snorted. "Security? Don't make me laugh. They couldn't secure an apple in an orchard. And even if they could, I doubt they could stop me."

"I wouldn't get so confident. They're all elite ANBU, dedicated to protecting the Kazekage with their lives."

"Oh, wow. Elite ANBU. I'm shaking in my boots. And I suppose the couple hundred of Jonin in Konoha who are still scraping paint off their shoes are shaking would also agree with you. I'm going in to see the Kazekage, ANBU or not. Now, are you going to step aside, or am I going to have to make you?"

The receptionist shook her head and the young jonin sighed, raising one hand to make a loosely packed Rasengan. The blue light and the sudden chakra spike were all that were needed to alert the guards to attack, and attack they did. However, they all made the near-fatal mistake of underestimating him.

Half a second and a shout of "Rasengan!" later, all the ANBU were sent flying, slightly dazed by the ball of spinning chakra. The receptionist looked like she was ready to die guarding the door, when it simply opened.

"Uzumaki. Good to see you. We have much to talk about. Come on inside. Kyoko, please do not stop these two. I requested them to come here from Konoha."

Kyoko still looked flustered, as one would be if a single man had subdued a Kage's personal guard with barely a blink. "But sir, you have other appointments later today…"

"Kyoko-san. If we don't complete this meeting, there may not be a village when 'later today' comes. This is of vital importance."

Before she could respond, both Naruto and Hinata had stepped into the room and locked the door behind them.

"Really…" Kyoko said, muttering about how the Kazekage was already behind on his paperwork.

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The redhead Kage motioned for both Naruto and Hinata to sit down in front of his desk, which was stacked high with paperwork, rivaling Tsunade's in quantity. He sat down with a sigh, looking out the window for a few seconds before turning to his guests.

"I apologize for Kyoko-san. She has been known to be a bit… strict and… overprotective."

Naruto snorted again, slapping some sand out of his hair. "Crazy lady… why did you hire her in the first place?"

"I did not, I assure you. My predecessor hired her and she works efficiently most of the time, so I see no reason to let her go. Now, the main reason that I called you here today was because of something that you told me years ago."

The blonde grunted and leaned back on two legs. "I've told you many things, Gaara. Which one are you talking about?"

The Kazekage cleared his throat. "The thing that you left instructions for me three years ago."

"What?" Naruto exclaimed as he tumbled over backwards off his chair. "You're telling me that you've mastered the Protoguardian Arts within half a decade? That's impossible!"

"I assure you, Uzumaki, it is quite possible. As proof, let me show you that I have mastered them."

Without further ado, Gaara grasped his right wrist with his left hand, the grasped right hand hardening into a claw. The redhead's brow furrowed, and he began to sweat, although the room wasn't warm.

Several minutes passed in his fashion, with Hinata looking confused and Naruto staring at the hand that the Kazekage was focusing on so hard. The blue-headed girl was just about to break the silence when a light blue chakra began to flow over his palm like water, remaining on the floor for only a few seconds before dissipating.

"There. You see?"

The blonde looked up from the spot where the chakra had hit the floor. "What I saw was a person trying to draw a power that would never be useful in a regular battle. Gaara, in order to say that you've master the Protoguardian Arts; you have to be able to draw on the power within twenty seconds. Though, I have to admit, you've come further then most people would in three years. But don't feel too bad if you never get any faster. Most of us never get beyond that stage. You do know how to use that power in battle, right?"

"I do. However, is there any more that you can teach me?"

Naruto bit his lip, thinking. "If you still had Shukaku, I could teach you, but…"

"Akatsuki has it now. Besides, I like to sleep at night. So, I will not pursue this ability any further unless I can draw it more quickly. But is there any faster way to do it?"

The blonde shook his head, sending more sand flying. "No. I have a… darker side that would just love to get that sort of power. It's been sealed away, for now. I don't think I'll have to use it against Kisame or Itachi… I hope."

"That brings us to the second order of business. Uzumaki, you still have your bijuu, correct?"

Naruto snorted. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be talking to you right now. Nobody within a thousand miles knows that jutsu, and even if they did, nobody cares about me enough to use it."

Next to him, Hinata twitched and poked her fingers together, which Naruto missed, but the Kazekage did not.

"I highly doubt that. In any case, what are your plans?"

The blonde leaned back in his chair again. "Simple. I've got Bushy-Brow and Bushier Brow Sensei inbound from Konoha as soon as they scrape the paint off."

"Bushy… Brow? Paint?"

"You've met him. Other people call him Konoha's Green Beast, or Rock Lee. As for the paint, the Hokage put my house under siege, and I hosed down all the Jonin and Chunin with paint and water. Kakashi-Sensei used a Raikari and gave Bushier Brow Sensei hair like his. With their 'Flames of Youth', they should be here in less then two days."

"A question if you will, Uzumaki. How did you get here so fast?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well," he began, "I was kinda too tired to eat and decided to go for a solder pill. I, eh, kinda ate a caffeine pill instead. I think we buried two caravans on our way here. Anyway-"

Before he could continue, the annoying receptionist, Kyoko, poked her head into the room. "Pardon me, Kazekage-Sama. You may want to look out the window."

Gaara obliged, poking his head out the window. At once, the sound of women screaming filled the room, making the glass rattle in its frame.

Obviously, Naruto was not alone in having a Fangirl Corps.

The Kazekage sighed and walked over to a closet, opening the door and pulling out a cage that contained a single raccoon, which was nervously nibbling on a piece of apple.

With a nod and a sigh of weary resignation, Gaara opened the slot on the side of the cage and the furry animal clambered down the side of the office, the squeals of the girls rapidly fading away as they chased the unfortunate animal instead of the redhead.

The said redhead sighed and sat back down, dusted off his robes and looked up to see Naruto staring at him with his mouth open. "What?" he asked.

"What the hell was that?"

Gaara sighed again. "That was my pet raccoon. I feed him, he protects me. All he wants is fresh fruit."

"Now if only I could do that with Kyuubi…" Naruto muttered under his breath.

Inside the seal, Kyuubi stuck his tongue out at him, rather like a child would.

Anyway, we shall discuss this further when the time comes. Akatsuki will be here within a week. In the meantime, you are welcome to seek lodging at my family's home. Kankuro has moved out into an apartment of his own to have fun with his harems or whatnot. Temari is awaiting you there. You can stay there as long as you please."

Naruto nodded but paled almost instantly. "Wait, she isn't cooking again, is she?"

"She is indeed. Do you have some objection to that?"

"Gaara. Last time we Jinchuriki met, your sister cooked for us. Do you remember what happened?"

"No. Please enlighten me."

"It wiped out eight of Nibi's nine lives!"

"Akatsuki took Nibi."

"Hachibi couldn't graze for a month."

"It didn't kill him."

"It gave Kyuubi indigestion!"

"I'm sure he gets that all the time."

"It bit _ME!_"

"You probably deserved it."

"That… that's not the point! What I'm saying here is, her cooking is unfit for human consumption!"

"Excuse me?" this was a new voice, one directly behind him.

Before Naruto could do anything, a gigantic battle fan came down and conked him square on the head, making him keel over facedown into a blushing Hinata's lap. Temari sighed and slotted the fan back into the sling she kept it on her back with.

"Well, as much as I hate hitting other blondes, this was necessary. Come on, Hinata, was it? Let's get you and Romeo here back home. We've got a love suite set up for you two."

Hinata spluttered, a trait that she had picked up and blushed as well.

Gaara sighed and watched the hordes of fangirls chase his pet raccoon around Suna. This was gonna be a long day.

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Author's Note:

_He's hot! Popping the lid in thirty._

_All vital systems are in the green. Five seconds._

I LIVE! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anyway, it's glad to be back in the land of the living. I've already died 3 times, so i guess this one makes 4.

On a different note, and a very sorry one, it is two months to the hour since i last published a chapter, and i honestly apologize (or however the hell you spell it) about the delay.

This was going to come out on the six month anneversary (or however the hell you spell it), which meant that it would have been pushed back another twenty-five days. However, i think that two months are a long enough time to wait for a fanfiction chapter.

On yet a different note, i plan to diversify from Naruto in terms of Fanfiction. However, i will never have more then three active projects at any given time. Timeless and her yet unnamed sequels have the top share in my time when it comes to fanficion. However, i will soon be launching a second, and possibly a third fanfiction, all to concur simultanesouly (or however the hell you spell it) with this one. As for the fanon that it will come from, well, one is gonna be Fire Emblem, I'm wavering between FE7 and FE8. If you dont know what those are, look them on the Fire Emblem Wiki. The adress is www (dot) fireemblem (dot) wikia (dot) com. Just type in FE7 and FE8 in the search box, and they'll show you what they are. if you havent played them, by god, find someone who has the games (or use a emulator, which i do, since i cant find my actual copy of the game anymore, though i cant legally recommend it. The damn GBA cards are just so damn small!)

Anyway, beyond that, the third fanon, fourth overall if you count my complete fail of an attempt at Halo, will be of my current #1 obession (or however the hell you spell it). That's right. I'm gonna one-up the Ace Combat fanon archives.

I have yet another commitment that i have to make.

From this point on, all of my stories that i write, barring my early death, will be over 100K words. Timeless has already breached this barrier with this chapter. Not bad, if i do say so myself.

I have even more news. The Timeless Series is now the Timeless Trilogy. Of course, each of the other two pieces will be seperate and have different titles. However, by the time i finish this Trilogy, it will contain more then one million words.

Yes, you heard me. ONE MILLION WORDS!

That's alot more then Nine Thousand.

Anyway, yeah, i hope you enjoy this chapter. To the announcer part!

"What is this mysterious "Protoguardian Art"? What is the power that Naruto keeps supressed? Why is Kyuubi needed? Where is Itachi and Kisame? Find out next time, on Timeless, a Naruto Fanon!"

Ehem. Anyway, now that _that's_ finished, let me get on with some more news.

All of you who have not voted in my poll yet, please do. It will determine one pairing and will have major consequences on what happens later on in the series. The poll can be found of my writer's page. It is at the very top. This is not the last chapter in which you can vote, but that window is closing rapidly, now that i can write faster with school out. I will announce when the poll closes in one of my author's notes, so keep reading these, no matter how boring they may seem.

But, on a brighter note, as announced above, Timeless, and yes, I, have joined the Mile-High Club!

Oh, wait. Wrong script, damn it.

Let's try that again.

But, on a brighter note, as announced above, Timeless, and yes, I, have joined the 100k club!

On a dimmer note, i do not expect Timeless to reach it's full maturity of 300K+ words until some time early next decade. The entire trilogy might not be complete until around 2015. But on that same note, you have a great fanon to read for that long! (Yeah, right. I know i suck.)

Well, i think ive finally run out of stuff to spheal (or however the hell you spell it) about.

Until next time, please, Please, _Please, **Please **_**_Please, PLEASE_**, review Review _Review, **Review, Review, REVIEW!**_

Signing off:

Xingster

P.S. Please use the forums and the poll... i set them up for a reason, you know...

P.P.S. So much for the promise made last chapter. This has been the longest lag in updates. If you want me to go faster, please dont flame me. I can take critism of my writing, but not to the extent of going after me. i just get pissed, and when i get pissed at something, i tend to ignore it.

P.P.P.S. Now it's really over.


	17. Chapter 16

I do not own Naruto. All your review are belong to me. Man, these just keep on getting worse and worse.

Chapter XVI: Two Metric Tons of Sand

Naruto grumbled as he swung his sword in the courtyard, cutting down a dozen shadow clones in the process. The puffs of smoke, however, were not enough to disguise the scowl that was firmly etched on his face.

Somehow, Temari had gotten the drop on him and whacked him hard enough to knock him out. That hadn't happened in years. The last time it had happened, he had nearly lost his head. Since then, he had trained his senses to tell him if someone was approaching. Was it possible that there was a blind spot?

The dozen remaining clones charged him, kunai and swords drawn. The real Naruto dropped his sword and formed two Rasengan, beating the clones down with only minor scratches to his forearms.

Sighing, the blonde walked back into the shade of the wall, slumping down against it. After a few seconds, another Naruto jumped over the wall surrounding the dojo and tossed a canteen of water to the original, who snatched it out of the air and drank greedily, thirsty after the long training session in the dry desert.

"Anything?"

The clone snorted and leaned back against a pillar that surrounded the compound.  
"If there had been anything, you would have felt it by now. Me and a platoon of you set up a network of seals two miles out. If something powerful crosses that line, your crotch will start itching like crazy."

Naruto was too tired to respond physically, but still managed to shoot a glare at the clone, who shrugged. "Oh, and did I mention that you can't scratch it? We set up the seal so that only a girl can scratch it. Hope you can find one."

The blonde couldn't take it any longer and threw his emergency kunai that he kept up his sleeve at the clone, who plucked it out of the air and chucked it back at the original's feet. "And if I were you, I would take it easy on the training. You know this body isn't any good for fighting Kisame."

"I'll live. You won't if Samehada hits you."

The clone rolled his eyes. "You don't have to tell me, genius."

Naruto reached behind him and pulled out a solder pill, crunching up the bitter medicine slowly before standing up. "Well, I'll go see what kind of monstrosity Temari managed to cook up. Take that platoon of me and patrol the area as well. Just because there are seals placed doesn't mean that they're foolproof."

"What, you don't trust your own handiwork?"

"No, the last time I did that, we nearly got killed, remember?"

"Which time was that again?"

"If you don't remember, I won't. Now get going."

The clone raised one hand in submission and leapt back over the wall, grumbling about stupid blondes and perverted clones. Naruto stretched, picking up the sword and slotting back under his arm before opening the door and walking back inside Gaara's family home.

As he stepped inside, a horrible stench reached his nose, making him pinch his nose and maneuver as far away from the smell as possible, which resulted in him Haraishining back to his room, putting on a gas mask that he kept for just such an occasion, and drawing his sword before cautiously prowling toward the kitchen, tiptoeing and occasionally throwing a shuriken at anything that looked even vaguely alive.

When he finally arrived outside the kitchen, he formed a small Rasenshuriken in his left hand, and still holding the sword in his right, kicked the door down and rapidly scanned the room.

"What… the hell… is _that_?"

Both Temari and Hinata had been taken prisoner and thrown around in the air by… something. Naruto could only describe it as a brown blob. Apparently, it had not taken kindly to being stuffed in an oven and had the heat turned up on it, so it got out. As least, that's what he could decipher from their screams.

"Aww, you've gotta be shitting me!" he groaned as the blob attacked, the brown mass nearly missing his face.

The blond countered by throwing the Rasenshuriken at the blob, with very poor effect. It simply bounced off like a regular shuriken, detonating in the center of the room. "This isn't gonna work. Right, Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Dozens of clones appeared, some got down on one knee, but the greater majority charged the blob, Rasengans of many colors and sizes in tow. Of course, none of them got through. But that wasn't the point.

Twelve Narutos stood and kneeled, all of them focusing. "Ninja Art, Bullet Rasengan!"

Hundreds of small Rasengan charged the blob, each and every one pinging off and fading away against the stone tiled floor, with the casters staring dumbfounded at the results. Nothing had ever taken the Bullet Rasengan like this before. Even Pain had tried to dodge the attack, but the blob was just sitting there… and now it was attacking.

"Goddamnit, Temari, where the hell have you been taking cooking lessons? This is worse then last time!"

Her reply was incoherent, but then again, it didn't need to be coherent for Naruto to get the point. "All right, if this thing really is food, then I'll take care if it!"

Half a dozen more clones popped up, each of whom hefted kunai and shuriken, multiplying them with shadow shuriken and kunai. The original, however, hefted his sword and charged, the blade glowing bright blue. "Ninja Art-" he yelled, wildly thinking of a technique that he could use, "Ramen Uppercut!"

The sword impacted with the blob, lifting it up off the ground. However, the blade failed to cut the mass. Naruto noticed that there was a black shoe under the stuff, and sighed. Wasn't this just typical?

Now ignoring the flailing mass, he placed his palm on the blob, focused, and channeled a huge amount of Katon Chakra.

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"Ok, I think you owe me an explanation." Naruto said, blowing on some instant ramen to cool it off. "Why the hell was the Cat Man in that huge piece of shit?"

After the short-haired blond had channeled fire chakra into the mass, it had rapidly solidified into something that resembled a vaguely humanoid loaf of bread. He poked it cautiously with is sword, cut Temari and Hinata free, then used a Rasengan to carve away the bread so that Kankuro could get out.

"My idiotic brother here sneaked back into the house after hearing that you were in town. But being the idiot that he is, he decided to pop open the oven and see what was cooking, and the bread that I put in there exploded all over him. We came in and saw the mass and tried to free him, but those chakra strings got us all caught up."

"And that's when I came in and saw you two getting attacked by a blob monster. God, Temari. Who the hell's been teaching you how to cook?"

"My brother."

Naruto jerked a thumb at Kankuro, "You mean the guy who keeps on stealing your makeup and wears cat pajamas?"

"It's _War Paint_, Dumbass! And these aren't pajamas!"

"No. Kankuro burns water, somehow. Gaara usually cooks now, and I've been taking lessons from him."

Naruto slurped down the broth and lit the cup with a brief burst of chakra. "Mr. Raccoon, eh? But, we're gonna hold here until Akatsuki and the beasts get here. I'm not taking on Kisame and Itachi by myself."

Temari seemed impressed. "So you've finally found a sense of caution?"

The other blonde unsealed another bowl of ramen, this time from Ichiraku's. "Kinda. I'm not in a rush this time. I'll let them come to me."

"But why Suna?"

Naruto finished the bowl and stuck it back in the scroll before replying dryly, "Well, it's a lot harder to summon and keep an ocean in the middle of the desert. Besides, I needed to get away from the Fangirls. Though I might have just siced the girls… nah, that's cruel and unusual."

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, falling over again when Gaara appeared in a poof of smoke and sand, right next to Temari. "There's no sign of Akatsuki. I've got all the guards looking for them."

Naruto was not convinced. "Pfft, yeah, just like last time?"

"Last time, there was a traitor in our midst. This time, I am sure."

"Sure, if you say so." Naruto muttered as he heated more water for another bowl of instant ramen. "Is there anything on a pair of rapidly approaching green spandex-clad bushy-browed ninja?"

At that moment, a ninja appeared in a swirl of sand and kneeled before Gaara. "My apologies, Kazekage-sama. But the lookouts report that a pair of green spandex-clad bushy-browed ninja are rapidly approaching the village."

"Well, speak of the devil. Do you know anyone that makes curry?"

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"The flames of youth burn strongly within this curry! What a delectable treat! Thank you, Gaara-san, Naruto-kun!"

Everyone watched with a sweatdrop as Lee gulped down bowl after bowl of the hottest curry that any of them had ever seen. Kankuro retched slightly just at the smell of the stuff.

"Lee… While I admire your youth in eating, I must ask you to restrain yourself this one time."

Gaara's eye twitched. "If you could move away from the food for a few minutes, we need to see where we stand in accordance to the two Akatsuki members approaching us."

Naruto cracked his knuckles and tapped the hilt of his sword. "Now you're talking. Ready to spar?"

Lee finished the curry and stood up, face slightly red. "Let our flames of youth burn ever brighter!"

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The blonde swore as he ducked two shuriken, a kunai, and two metric tons of sand. Both the Kazekage and the Bushy Brow Duo were attacking him with all of their strength, forcing Naruto to hop around like a rabbit, barely getting a chance to counterattack.

With two high-powered Taijutsu-toting Jonin and the Kazekage, an Ex-Jinchuriki who was also a Protoguardian, this fight was much harder then it was with the Konoha Eleven. It also didn't help that Gaara hadn't lost much control of his sand since the loss of Shukaku and that Lee and Gai had seven gates open.

Naruto rapidly sealed out two jutsu, quickly placing them in his palms.

"Katon, Futon, Spiraled Inferno no Jutsu!" With a rush, the fire and wind collided and turned into a horizontal whirlpool, slamming into the incoming sand, and scattering the two spandex-clad warriors.

Naruto scowled again and removed the chakra from his weights, cutting his weight ten-fold. "Right," he muttered so that nobody else could hear. "Let's see how the Green and Blue Beasts of Konoha matches up with Orange Lightning."

In a blur of motion, the blonde was engaged in hand-to-hand combat with Lee, throwing punches, ducking, and blocking all within fractions of a second. When he whipped out a kunai, Naruto did the same, both blades shattering upon first impact.

As he fell back, the blonde's sixth sense tingled and he jumped up, away from Gai and right into the path of the incoming sand.

It slammed into him, jarring him badly and Naruto felt his left elbow shatter. _Goddamnit. Kyuubi?_

Without further prompting, red chakra emerged from the skin and began to heal the wound, moving rather slowly. Healing a shattered elbow was no mean feat, and even Kyuubi had limits.

Naruto gritted his teeth in pain as he sealed and gripped his left wrist. "Katon, Phoenix Spark no Jutsu!"

The customary minefield of fiery orange sparks appeared, blocking off Gai and Lee, but Gaara's sand kept on going, plunging though the energy minefield, explosions flying everywhere.

He scowled and sealed again, cupping his left wrist as he had done just a few seconds before. "Katon, Phoenix Fire no Jutsu!"

With a blast that sounded like a train turning on its emergency brakes, the sand and swirling fire collided; globules of molten glass spiraled off and narrowly missed the spectators sitting at what they thought up until that moment was a safe distance away.

At this point, a set of metallic weights flew through the side of the wall, quickly followed by a red-faced Gai. The blonde was forced to abandon the technique, fighting off the Taijutsu master with one arm without trying to jostle the other one too badly.

With a series of rapid-fire kicks, Naruto managed to separate himself from one the Blue Beast only to run into the Green Beast, who launched another identical attack, keeping him off balance. "Fuck this." He swore, holding out his injured arm and forming a Rasengan and slamming it into the ground in one smooth motion, digging a massive crater in the sand, and jumped back, flipping through seals faster then the human eye could decipher.

As he finished sealing, he took a stance while he waited for everything attacking him to get within range, and the moment he did, slammed his palm into the ground, an energy sphere rapidly expanding from the point of contact, holding the Green and Blue Beasts, along with the two metric tons of sand suspended in midair.

With one last grimace, he released the jutsu and went down on one knee.

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"Man, I never knew how hard two metric tons of sand could hit… and fourteen gates." Naruto sighed, "I'm not as young as I used to be."

"How can that be, Naruto-kun? Your flames of youth burn even brighter then mine own! You are indeed still in the full folds of youth!"

"_If you only knew the truth…"_ the blonde thought bitterly, spitting out another mouthful of grit that had gotten in during the battle. "It's a really long story and I don't want to tell it unless I really have to."

"Uzumaki. Perhaps it would be prudent if we rested before confronting Akatsuki. It may not be smart to challenge them in our current state."

Naruto nodded at the suggestion. "Yeah. You three take a break. I'll call you if I need backup." _Hopefully I won't, but at the rate my luck's going, I just might._

Gaara gave a brief nod. "Very well. My ninja stand ready in case we need further reinforcements."

"No. Do not let them engage him under any circumstances. Kisame is really dangerous right now. Your men would be chopped into Fish Paste before they could say Tuna…"

"Then what is the point of us coming here? Surely you did not run us all the way out here just to test us against you?"

Naruto shook his head. "Of course not. I need you two to keep Itachi busy. Gai-sensei, you have quite a bit of Anti-Sharingan experience, and I'm sure Bushy Brow has kept up. Gaara, I need you and your men to engage any reinforcements. I know for a fact that the Akatsuki don't travel alone anymore."

"That's not possible." Gaara said flatly. "All of our reports indicate that Akatsuki still travel in two-man squads. There's no hint of additional personnel anywhere."

The blonde shook his head. "You're not thinking properly. Here-" at this, he slotted out a large scroll from a hidden inside pocket. Naruto then bit his thumb, drew blood, and wiped it across the outer edge of the canvas, causing it to burst open. He then stuck his hand in, stuck his tongue out, groping around until. "Ah… Here we go."

Everyone watched in amazement as he pulled out a squirming Hanabi from the inside of the scroll.

"HEY! LET GO OF ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I Am the… Hyuga… ... heir?"

Naruto brushed his hands off and closed the scroll. "Here we go. This is an example of what this scroll can do. Unfortunately, she won't be able to use chakra for several days. Try it, Hanabi. Try to Jyuken me."

The younger of the two sisters tried to focus her chakra, but nothing happened. She pretended to fall into a Jyuken stance, but then sprung forward and palmed Naruto's jewels.

Instantly, the blonde gasped like a fish and collapsed, not expecting the low blow, no pun intended. Lee looked confused, Gaara palmed his face, Gai shouted about how unyouthful she was, Kankuro sniggered and gave her the thumbs-up, and Temari just blushed.

However, the most surprising reaction came from Hinata. With a burst of savage rage, Inner Hinata broke loose from her constraints again.

"You little bitch! Those are mine!" the blue-haired girl yelled as she Jyukened her younger sibling where the sun didn't shine.

Naruto didn't see any of this. In fact, he didn't see anything besides the ground. Lee and Gai, exhausted as they were after using the gates for so long, restrained Hinata with only partial success. While they managed to hold her back, they failed to avoid injuries of their own. Kankuro was on the ground laughing, and Temari had excused herself, saying that she needed the restroom.

When he finally did get back up, he was not pleased. "Brats. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Two clones appeared, scowling at the small Hyuga. "Take her away, boys. You know what to do."

The two clones nodded and carried off a shouting Hanabi by the armpits, one asking the other if he managed to create a deck of cards.

"Now. Let's get some rest. I've got a feeling that Kisame and Itachi won't be so easy to subdue."

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Kisame Hoshigaki, the former Monster of the Mist, sneezed for the umpteenth time that day. He rubbed his stub of a nose, cursing about the sand.

"Allergies?" his partner, Itachi Uchiha asked.

"Nah. Must be someone talking about me again. I told you, I'm famous with the ladies."

"You keep on telling yourself that…"

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The Namikaze and Uzumaki heir sighed as he vaporized yet another empty bowl of instant ramen, rummaging around in a scroll, scowling at the lack of contents, threw the said scroll over his shoulder, and slotted out a fresh scroll. Two clones stood by with a transformed triplet, a premeasured amount of hot water ready for making the next bowl.

"Sure brings back memories…" he muttered to nobody in particular. His clones nodded silently, already sealing for more heated water.

At that moment, a clone Haraishined right behind the original, whacking him on the head and handing him a scroll. "Here are the reports you requested. All is quiet so far on the fronts. Now, when can I take a goddamned break?"

Naruto ignored his indignant copy and popped the lid on his ramen. "When Kisame gets here. In the meantime, get back on patrol. If Kisame or Itachi is spotted, I want the general order to be self-destruction. I'll get it instantly then. Reports are nice and all, but I want to be able to know exactly where they're coming from."

The chakra clone sniffed. It was really quite interesting to see Naruto sniff, even if it was just a copy. "I see you're getting it back."

"I managed to break the seal four days ago."

"Well, good for you. I can't imagine that it's the full thing though."

Naruto snorted into his ramen. "Not likely. I've gotta go find the rest of the pieces. The brass up top wanted to keep it sealed away forever."

"That's likely. We can barely keep it under control, even without the whole thing."

The original blonde slurped down another bite of ramen. "But that's not our main concern right now. Kisame and Itachi are. I might not be able to take them on without outside help."

"You have Gaara, the Bushy Brows, and Hinata."

"You know very well what I mean."

"What, you don't mean that trigger happy-"

"Quiet. Someone's coming. Get going."

The clone disappeared in a burst of light, leaving behind nothing more than a few grains of sand where he had been standing. The other two clones hefted kunai and stepped into the shadows, free hands on their sword hilts.

A few seconds later, a knock came on the door. "Come on in."

Hinata poked her head in, glancing at the sight of Naruto sitting there with a bowl of ramen steaming and a look of surprise etched on his face. "Oh. It's you, Hinata. Thought bushy brow might have come looking for more curry to shovel down his gullet. Do you need anything?"

She took the offered chair and sat down, poking her fingers together nervously. "Umm, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto had just taken yet another bite of ramen, choked slightly, but managed to get through, "Yeah? Go ahead."

"I, umm, I eh, well, I really like-"

"Hmm?"

"-Crab Cakes!"

"Oh, really? That's, ah, nice to know. But where are you gonna get crab cakes in the middle of the desert?"

_Oh no. I totally messed things up. Now Naruto-kun will think I'm even more of a weirdo then before. What am I going to do?_

_**Leave it to me.**_

Inner Hinata had obviously had enough of her outer persona's blundering, and had been getting stronger off of a very potent diet of patience and time.

"_**Oh, Naruto-kun!"**_

The tone of voice made Naruto freeze in his tracks and slowly look up. It wasn't something he liked, and for many years, it had been the bane of his existence. Every time he walked into a town, this would happen. However, he hadn't expected this to happen to Hinata. "Umm, Hinata, what's up?"

"_**What's up is you. Why don't you pay attention to me? Why did you bring me here? Am I just baggage to you?"**_

To say the blond was unnerved would be to completely misrepresent the situation. He had never gotten into this deep trouble before. Usually, he had long since high-tailed it out of there or had knocked the offenders out. However, he still had cards to play.

The two clones that had been hiding burst out with ropes tied to their kunai, obviously going for the capture of the blue-haired girl, but to no avail. With barely a flicker of her palms, two bursts of focused chakra shot out and punched through both clones, all without turning around and while still giving that unnerving smile.

"_**Only two clones? You underestimate me, Naruto-kun. For you, even a million clones would be infinitely too few. YOU ARE MINE!"**_

This was not good. He needed to think on his feet, and fast or Naruto Uzumaki would be quite literally caught with his pants down, most likely by Gaara or Lee. Not quite what he intended by bringing Hinata along on this little trip.

Dropping the bowl of ramen, his hands went up and desperately flashed through seals, trying to establish some sort of barrier between the two of them, but to no avail. With astonishing speed and strength, but yet with a tenderness that made him relax slightly, she stopped his hands.

"_**Now, Naruto-kun."**_ Hinata pouted, _**"Do you really want to do that? Why don't we relax?"**_

Naruto struggled desperately, but the softness of her hands along with the firm grip made it insanely difficult. Of all the battles he had ever fought, this instantly ranked up in the top ten. He wanted nothing more then to give in, but there was that fragment of his mind that still belonged to him that forced back instinct.

"_**Oh come on, Naruto-kun. Don't try to resist me. You know you want it." **_The girl said as she let go of his wrists and swayed her hips, batting her eyelids, and still pouting.

With that, even that fragment went out the window. Nothing like this had ever happened before, despite that one time…

_**Alright, girl. Take it away. He's putty in your hands right now.**_

_Bu-but. What have you done to him?_

_**Trust me. He'll have eyes for nobody else but you from now on. Do it. I've seen your memories from when you were a child. I know what you want.**_

_If you say so…_

"Naruto-kun, please be gent-"

At that exact moment, a clone Haraishined into the room, looking rather harassed.

"Hey, boss. What did I… miss? Am I interrupting something here?"

In the few seconds before Inner Hinata had gone back inside, she had managed to get Naruto's vest, shirt, both shoes, and the button of his pants off, along with taking off her own jacket and both shoes.

"Whoa! Wait until the others hear about this! Naruto's finally getting laid!"

That statement jolted the original out of his stupor, and he rapidly flipped over the back of the chair, grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head. "Say anything, and I'll take you apart. Now, take me to that seal, or I'll take you apart anyway."

"Alright. Just focus on that huge group of clones three miles to the southeast of here. They've got a Haraishin kunai on them. Our long-range patrols have detected two inbound figures, traveling, strangely enough, at a very leisurely pace."

Naruto nodded, leaving behind a clone for Hinata as he slipped on the rest of his gear, and disappeared in a flash, only to reappear fractions of a second later out in the desert. "Hardly surprising. If I were them, I wouldn't be in any rush. Suna isn't really any threat to Kisame, who's got the fucking three-tails. Good job. Get the clones to bury themselves in the sand. You need to return to the village. Don't use the Haraishin. If you do, the burst of chakra may alert them to a messenger, since they've seen me use it before. Tell Gaara and the Bushy Brows to get out here. I'm gonna be up to my armpits in fish and weasel in a few minutes."

The clone nodded. "Got it. If you really need help, well, since you have the first piece, you should be able to use _that_ technique."

"Get going. You have fifteen minutes, tops."

With that, the clone rushed away, a cloud of sand marking his trail as he made the trip back in the mundane way, albeit extremely quickly.

"Right. Who's in the mood for Tuna and Weasel Stew?"

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Naruto's Chakra clone sprinted back toward the village, intent on giving the message when, all of a sudden, the ground fell out from underneath him. "The hell?"

"Hello, little boy."

"Goddamn it."

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Naruto swore as he avoided yet another wave and a kunai thrown from Itachi. Apparently, they had taken to heart the fact that challenging Naruto one-on-one was akin to suicide, so, even without the usual pre-fight banter, they had assaulted him as one.

The clones he had hidden in the sand weren't even worth cannon fodder. As soon as the duo had appeared, Kisame had taken advantage of their weakness and overwhelmed and surprised them with a pulse of water so dense that it shredded the local rocks. Not expecting the attack, the vast majority of the clones had been wiped out in one fell swoop, leaving only a handful to launch long-range attacks, which had been even less effective.

"Raiton, Rasengan!"

"Futon, Kamikaze!"

The divine wind and lightning-based Rasengan clashed briefly before the user of the latter was thrown back, landing on his feet. Barely.

"Have you and fish breath here been practicing lately? You've gotten better!"

"Something that I cannot say for you, Naruto-kun."

"You might want to take those words back." As he spoke, he formed two Rasengan, one red, one white. "Watch. Ninja Art, Forced Fusion!" Naruto yelled as the two Rasengan collided and mixed.

Alas, luck was not on Naruto's side today. Yes, while the two did successfully merge, it was not a true fusion, and therefore was extremely unstable. The moment he swerved, avoiding another water shark from Kisame, the sphere detonated, tearing off three fingers in the explosion.

"Goddamnit. Kyuubi, some help here?"

"_**Kid, no time like the present. Go into Tailed Mode.**__"_

"Don't have to tell me, you furball. Take over, eight tails, if you please."

"_**Lunchtime.**__"_

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Gaara swore as another hail of his sand shuriken cut down yet another one of Kisame's Mizu Bunshin. That made fifteen, and there were still more coming in.

"Is there anything on the status of Uzumaki."

A Suna Nin appeared at his side, one arm bleeding from light cuts. "We have some scrambled reports from our scouts that Naruto Uzumaki is currently engaged in combat with two members of Akatsuki. One is Kisame Hoshigaki, but we can't confirm who the other one is-"

"It's Itachi Uchiha. Only Might Gai and Rock Lee are supposed to engage him. Can't we get through this line of clones?"

"Sir, we're trying, but there are hundreds of them. It looks like they're really pulling out all of the stops this time."

"Hmm. All right. Get all reserve Ninja out here. Tell them to engage only in large groups. Fighting them one-on-one is nothing short of suicide."

"Yes, Kazekage-sama!"

As the ninja disappeared to deliver the new orders, Gaara turned back to the oncoming horde. "Uzumaki, if we both survive this, your ass is grass." And then, "What's Grass?"

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"Futon: Rasenshuriken!"

"Suiton: Suiryūdan no Jutsu!"

"Katon: Gōkakyu no Jutsu!"

Fire matched wind and water forced the attack back upon the first caster, scalding hurricane-force winds blew back toward the blond, who managed to dodge by a hair, which then proceeded to drill a new path through the sand.

"Goddamnit. Kyuubi, what's taking you so long?"

"_**Kid, I'm having trouble with the seal. The energy is literally keeping me corked in here. Hold on a little longer.**_"

"Well, hurry up. I'm running out of time."

"_**You don't have to tell me. It's getting hot in here.**_"

"Right. Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Kisame just smirked and flashed through seals even faster. "Suiton: Suiryūdan no Jutsu!"

The shockwave of water completely overwhelmed the defenseless clones, who attempted to fight back, but their primary weakness prevented them from doing that. "Give up, Naruto-kun. Come with us. You cannot hope to defeat both of us by yourself."

"He is not alone! Double Dynamic Entry!"

"Juken Arrow!"

"Suna Shigure!"

"Futon: Daikamaitachi no Jutsu!"

And as the duo glanced up to see the source of the attacks, two shadows appeared behind them.

"Kurohigi: Kiki Ippatsu!"

Kisame stuck his sword back, sweeping it in a wide, waving arc, cutting the strings of chakra, and both puppets fell to the ground. "Tch. That's all?"

"Small fry, Kisame. We're not here to make enemies. Get rid of them. Kill them only if you have to."

"Hmm… if you say so. Mizu Bunshin! Suirō no Jutsu!"

"NO!"

Before Naruto could do anything, the six clones rapidly made a line of clones to each of the six, trapping them within water prisons. That left the three originally fighting effectively alone again. "So, Naruto-kun. What's it's gonna be. Are you going to come with us, or will your friends drown?"

"Alright. I'll go with you."

"Uzumaki! No!"

"WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER! UZU!"

"… you called?"

Naruto, who had his fist in the air, sweatdropped and turned his head around. "The hell happened to you?"

"… Don't ask. You're better off not knowing."

"Well, since it is my form…"

"… I'll just say this. A sand pit and two female jonin."

"Just two?"

"I hate fighting. You know that."

"Well, I need a Fiery Rasenshuriken. You got the fire?"

"… alright. But you owe me."

"Enough. Kisame, finish them."

"Right. Suiton: Suikōtoppa!"

"I don't think so! UZU!"

"Katon: Gōkakyu no Jutsu!"

"Futon: Rasenshuriken!"

And then, together, "Katon: Fiery Rasenshuriken!"

The Rasenshuriken, after passing through the fireball, was set aflame, easily cutting through the shark and speeding toward the duo.

Itachi managed to jump out of the way, but Kisame merely raised his sword and it pinged off. "What?"

Right behind the attack was a Naruto with his sword drawn, carving a path downward. Without even thinking, Kisame managed to lift Samehada in time to parry the hit. "Not bad, kid. Seems you've gotten better with the sword. However-" with a grunt and a flick of his wrist, he sent Naruto flying. "-Not good enough."

The surprised blond twisted in midair, threw a handful of shuriken, and disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"What? A Kage Bunshin?"

"You got that right. RA-SEN-GAN!"

The blue ball of compressed energy hit Kisame right in the small of his back, throwing him off his feet. Itachi looked on as Kisame got up and dusted himself off. "Hah! Quite a bit of guts you've got there, replacing yourself with a Kage Bunshin. However, playtime is over."

"No… damn it! UZU!"

"You're too late!" At that moment, Kisame was surrounded by a flare of blue chakra. It was so bright that Naruto had to cover his eyes with one arm as he charged forward, forming yet another Rasenshuriken. _Goddamnit. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up._

"_Suiton: Raging Tsunami!_"

"Katon: Fiery Rasenshuriken!"

"Doton: Doryūheki!"

"_It's useless! Give up! With the three-tails, I am unstoppable!_"

"So you think… Kyuubi, anything?"

"_**No. I'm stuck here. Something's wrong with the seal…**_"

"Goddamnit. Kyuubi's out, Uzu."

"… well how the hell are we supposed to beat them?"

"Well, there is that…"

"No. Not unless we have to. It's meant for emergencies."

"We _are_ in an emergency, in case you haven't noticed."

"_Enough talk. This finishes now!_"

The mud wall that Uzu had managed to throw out began to crack as the force of the water ripped at it, draining it of its foundation. The sixty-foot tall wall cracked and crumbled, and the water came rushing in.

"Uzu! I need thirty seconds! Can you do that?"

"… you owe me."

"I ALREADY KNOW THAT!"

"_Talking with yourself is the first sign of madness._"

"And looking like a fishstick is the first sign of skin cancer!"

"_Enough talk. You're coming with us!_"

Before Kisame could do anything, two shuriken pinged off his skin. "_What was that?_"

"… as much as I hate it, I'm your opponent."

"_You won't even leave a mark, you shadow clone._"

"… what did you just call me, aquarium reject?"

"Oh boy. Now you're really in for it, Kisame."

"I AM NOT A SHADOW CLONE! DIE! KATON: FIERY RASENSHURIKEN! DOTON: RETSUDOTENSHO! SUITON: DAIBAKUFU NO JUTSU!"

The Rasenshuriken, while failing to penetrate Kisame's skin, was enough to knock him back. This allowed for the earth to open up its maw and swallow him, which in turn led to the whirlpool filling the chamber before sealing itself up.

"_Not bad, you shadow clone. However-_" as Kisame rose up from behind a suprised Uzu, "_Not good enough._" Samehada flew forward, cutting off the clone's head in a burst of blood.

"_You're next._"

The original Naruto had just finished doing the long string of seals needed when Kisame put on a burst of speed and appeared behind the blond, Samehada already extended. Before Naruto could do anything, he found himself rising, the sword through his gut.

"_Heh. Not much of a challenge, now that you can't hide behind your clones, now are you?_"

"You sonofabitch. I'm not going anywhere."

"_Oh really_?"

"Yes really."

"_Well then. Let's see you back that up._" And with that, he pulled Samehada out.

Naruto howled in pain and started to fall, but managed to get his hand up to the armband that Hinata had given him all those years ago.

"I'm… not… finished… yet…"

As he spoke, a flow of Light blue chakra flowed from the cloth. The exact same shade as Gaara's Protoguardian energy.

Naruto's hand shakily passed by his middle, caught some blood, and began to seal with rapidly numbing hands. Right before he hit the ground, he extended his palm. "Initial… Guardian… Art… Kuchiyose… no… Jutsu…"

At first, nothing happened except for the blond's blood leaking out and staining the sand a crimson red. Nothing happened. Where was the summon?

Then, all of a sudden, a beam of light shot down from the sky, centered on naruto's wound. In the span of a few seconds, the light grew and shifted off to the side.

"_What's this? A summoning with no smoke?_"

As he was speaking, something shot down from the sky and touched down lightly next to the fallen blond.

"Alright, who the fuck called me here?"

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The figure was humanoid. It was easy to tell from once glance that this was no ninja. No shinobi in his right mind would wear something that shiny. Naruto's old jumpsuit was simply an eyesore, but this thing shined. Quite literally shined.

"I said, who the fuck called me here?"

"_Hey, asshole, you're in the way._"

"I'm in the way? You're out of your element. What's an aquaman-wannabe doing out here in a desert?"

"_Why you little_-"

Before Kisame could move, the figure stood before him, a black-edged combat knife at the swordsman's throat. "I already know your weakness. You have a defensive three-tailed bijuu inside you. Looks like a temporary sealing to boot. Impenetrable to most attacks, but your neck is weak. In fact," the figure backed off and unslung a rifle that the others hadn't noticed. "Let's test that armored shell of yours."

"_It's your funeral!_"

The figure smirked. "I don't think so." As he racked a single round into the chamber and raised it to his shoulder.

"_Too late!_"

"Oh really?"

Before anyone could react, four bursts of miniature explosions shattered the silence and the silver figure appeared behind Kisame. "Too slow. Nice try, though. Come back in a few hundred years, that is, if you're still around."

"_Wha_-"

"Dark Guardian Art: Demon Sealing Blade!"

"_What's go_ing on here?"

"Simple. I removed the seal under my authority as a guardian and extracted the bijuu for safekeeping, per my duties. And now that the bijuu is no longer in any danger, I'm authorized to neutralize you. Been nice knowing ya, fishy."

"NO!"

"Too late." The silver figure disappeared, reappeared next to Naruto, and snapped his fingers. "Gotta love C-12."

The resulting explosion and its accompanying shockwave dissipated the Mizu Bunshin, releasing the water prisons as well. All six prisoners fell forward, coughing up water.

"Now… which one of you called me here… Hang on… is this who I think it is?"

"Josh… you… son… of… a… bitch… help… me… out… here…"

"Well, speak of the devil. Naruto Uzumaki. Been a few thousand years, hasn't it?"

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Author's Note

I LIVE!

I IS BACK!

I IS LOVING FUNNY COSPLAY SKITS!

Ahem. I'm back, as you may have noticed.

It's been four months since Timeless has been updated. To the day, almost to the hour.

Now, for those of you who dont pay attention, my author's page has been updated. It now includes some ranting, my blog, and my two pieces, both in progess.

About the blog, there are two. One is just general news that i might update 1-3 times a week, depending on time. The other blog is teasers, which will almost always be published 72 hours before the next chapter is released. That way, people who want teasers can read them, and people who dont can just see when it's been updated.

And now, to a topic that really has me inflamed.

IF YOU FLAME ME, AT LEAST HAVE THE COURAGE TO LEAVE A REAL SCREENNAME. FLAMING THE PIECE IS ALL GOOD, AND I'LL TAKE CRITISM. HOWEVER, WHEN YOU ATTACK ME DIRECTLY, YOU NOT ONLY RISK MY ANGER AT YOU, BUT YOU ALSO RISK THE LOSS OF ANONYMOUS REVIEWS. I APPOLOGIZE TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE USING IT PROPERLY, BUT THESE FLAMES DIRECTLY ON ME CANNOT CONTINUE, IF THIS PIECE IS TO MOVE FORWARD AT A CONSISTANT PACE.

Now, on another side note about my profile, if you have yet to vote on the poll, please do.

I have 24 votes. Yes, 24 votes. and one of those is mine. This is a chance for readers to influence the direction of the plot. If turnout remains this low, then i will take away this and move the story as i like. But since i want people to have a say, this is a rare chance.

Also, not being picky, but for a piece that's over 100k words, it has less then 100 reviews. so that's less then one review for a thousand words. I know this piece cant compete against the top-notch pieces out there, but some review out there that there's someone out there acutally reading the piece helps me write faster. Just a piece of advice there.

Now, on the topic of updating.

As stated above, it has been four months to the day since this piece has been updated. I will now make my best effort to return to the one chapter per week updates. However, unlike before, i will swap between the pieces to avoid writer's block. While this does mean slower progess, it means steady progress.

Now, for my announcer part.

"Who is the mysterous figure that defeated Kisame with hardly a effort? Who is he to seal away a bijuu like that? What did he mean by several thousand years? Find out next time on Timeless, a Naruto Fanon!"

Heh. Great times. If you havnt read my other fanon yet, head on over. It really give you a backstory on the OC i've just added, Josh.

Oh, and to make the piece more appealing to new readers, i will be rewriting the prologue and chapters 1-4. if you really like it the way it is now, go and copy and read it before it changes.

And to those of you who have waited paitently for so long, and who have been with me since the very beginning, thank you so much.

I guess that's all. if i missed anything i'll just rant it on the other piece.

Later, and hopefully next week,

Xingster

P.S. Until next time, please, Please, _Please, **Please **_**_Please, PLEASE_**, review Review _Review, **Review, Review, REVIEW!**_


	18. Chapter 17

I do not own Naruto. I however, do own Josh and all his respective tecniques. Try to steal them, and i'll sue you into the ground.

Chapter XVII: A very old friend

"Josh… a… little… help… here?"

"Hmm? You don't need help. Kyuubi's got you covered."

"Not… today… for… some… reason…"

Josh sighed. "Fine. But you owe me a can of Biofoam."

"Got… it… just… close… the… wound…"

"One miracle, coming right up."

Faster then believable, the armored guardian whipped his helmet off, reached onto his belt, spun off a can of something, threw it into the air, and shot a single round. The can exploded, and the force pushed the regenerative foam into Naruto's wound, who sighed as the painkillers seeped into action as well.

"About time you fixed me up. Now, what took you so long?"

Josh cocked an eyebrow, sweeping a lock of hair away from his face. "Nature was calling at the same time as you. I don't know about you, but I didn't know who was calling me, and I sure as hell didn't know if there was another toilet nearby. Speaking of which, how do I know you're Naruto and not some imposter?"

Naruto didn't say a word. He didn't need to. The blond's hand whipped past his healing middle, got some blood, took off the red band, wiped some on the back, and stretched it out. He then passed the cloth to Josh, who unfurled it and took a whiff.

"Yep. It's definitely you, Naruto."

Gaara, who had just caught up with Naruto, along with the rest of the group, asked, "How can you tell?"

The brunette snorted and gestured to the cloth. "I don't know about you, but Naruto's the only person I know who carries around a bowl of Leather-Flavored Ramen in a storage seal on his upper arm."

Everyone just stared at him.

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"Alright, tell that to me again."

Josh grumbled as he passed another bandage over to Naruto. Apparently, the Biofoam wasn't holding up. Kisame's attack had been charged with demonic energy, severely slowing down the healing process.

"Well, hmm… where to start. Since you can't seem swallow the short version, guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way. Oh, you need another bandage?"

"Yeah… man, should have been more careful around Kisame. Forgot that I don't heal well against demonic attacks."

"How the hell can you forget? We spent almost a thousand years fighting these things! Even that should get through a skull as thick as yours!"

Naruto just stared at him.

"What? Quit looking at me like that. It's creepy."

"A thousand years, yes. However…"

"Oh… I get it. As part of the sentence, you had your…"

"Yes. They tried to erase my memory."

"But, and I'm not sure about this, since I was never given the details, that they ran into major trouble while trying to do so. Did they wind up-"

"Yep. Couldn't erase my memory, so they removed and broke it."

"Well, to have called me here means that you've restored at least part of it."

Naruto applied yet another bandage while medical ninja tried to speed up the process. "Oh, I've been getting flashbacks for years. That's how I taught Gaara here the basics of Protoguardian Arts."

Josh's mouth dropped. "But, this is an Unauthorized Dimension! You're unusual enough in the fact that you managed to achieve where you were, but to have yet another guardian-"

"Is not unheard of. Remember, the Original Guardian was technically from an Unauthorized Dimension."

"But you're not the Original Guardian! Besides, he was far more powerful then you ever were. Glad to see that Ki is in, by the way. Haven't talked to you in a while. How's it inside Naruto's head?"

"Not that bad. Kinda stuffy, and Kyuubi gets on everyone's nerves with his shitty jokes, but all considering, I'd say we're better off then those four."

At this point, Hinata couldn't hold back any longer. "Excuse me, Josh-san."

"Just Josh is fine. I hate honorifics."

"Well, Josh. What are you talking about? Naruto-kun was only gone for seven years, not a thousand."

The brunette turned to look disbelievingly at the blond. "You mean to tell me that you haven't told them yet?"

"No. I don't see a reason to burden them with it."

"Is that a decision made by you, or did…"

"We all made it together. Well, with the exception of _him_, of course."

"I should hope so. Yeah, so, little girl, it seems that I'm not at liberty to tell you the full story. Though… should I show them the memories?"

"… I can't see the harm in that. Maybe this will show Lee that I'm not as tough as I seem right now."

"Very well. Now, I'll need everyone's hands, palm up."

"Remember to censor it."

"Alright. Hey, do you need another bandage? Looks like this one's bleeding through again."

"Nah. Kyuubi should have it done by time we get back."

"Alright then. Everyone just relax. This can be a tad disconcerting the first time. Now, stack hand on top of one another. No, not like that, palms down, stack them. There. Now, just relax. Sacred Guardian Art: Living Memory!"

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The memory was in a wide hallway with a jumpsuit clad Naruto at one end of a circle, Josh slowly circling at the other end. The blond looked as he did the day he left Konoha, but Josh was wearing street clothes, not yet armored.

"_Who the hell are you?"_

"_The name's Naruto Uzumaki."_

"_Hmm… not impressed. Stay out of my way."_

"_What did I do to you?"_

"_You're wearing an orange jumpsuit. Need I say more?"_

"_Why you little… I'll have you know that Orange is the color of the gods."_

"_Hmm… really sad gods, I guess."_

"_That's it. Rasengan!"_

"_Initial Guardian Art: Blazing Ice Blade!_

_The two techniques clashed for the briefest second before the first technique was completely wiped out. Naruto was blown into the sky, covered in flaming ice._

"_Come back when you get stronger."_

Everything turned black for a few seconds before becoming clear again. Naruto was still wearing the orange jumpsuit, but Josh had already donned the armor, albeit without the helmet. He had also acquired his rifle.

"_Damn it, Naruto! Get that one. No, the one with the limp!"_

"_I got it! __Sacred Guardian Art: Raiton, Raikiri! Sacred Guardian Art: Rasengan! Sacred Guardian Art: Partial Fusion!" The blond slowly twisted the two techniques, space seeming to melt where they connected. "Sacred Guardian Art: Orange Lightning!"_

At this point, Lee had to interrupt. Everyone was floating above the battlefield, looking down. "Josh-san-"

"Didn't I just say to drop the honorifics?"

"Very well, Josh. What is that attack? I know this is just a memory, but the energy coming off of it is beyond anything I've ever felt."

"Naruto, or rather, should I say, Ki, would you like to take this one?"

The blond in question nodded. "Yes. Well, that attack is called Orange Lightning, probably my most famous technique. Naruto creates it by fusing Raikiri with the Rasengan, both in Sacred Guardian form. The resulting technique is so dense that I can't move with it."

"Then how do you-"

"Just watch and find out. I figured out a way around it."

_Josh threw a kunai, aiming directly for the largest one. "Now, Naruto!"_

"_Right." Everyone could see just how much stress the blond was under. Even from this height, they could hear his knees and ankles popping from the strain. "__Hiraishin!"_

_And miraculously, as if by magic, Naruto with the ball of twisting and spitting orange energy, moved off toward the kunai, tearing through enemies as he went, all while gaining momentum. "Take this! Orange Lightning!"_

_The crackling of energy cut through the air as the technique struck home. The beast screamed in pain as layer after layer of its armor was shredded. "Josh! NOW!"_

"_Don't have to tell me, genius. Dark Guardian Art: Bijuu Seal!"_

_The bijuu roared as it shrank into a seal the size of a postage stamp. "Well, that's that. Let's get back to-"_

"_Josh! Behind you!"_

"_What?"_

"_**Little boy. Learn to pay attention.**__"_

"_I don't think so! Josh! Duck! Orange Lightning!"_

_This Josh just managed to get down in time as Naruto soared by, ball of crackling lightning held in hand. "Nobody touches my friend!"_

"_Bijuu Seal!"_

The entire thing went black for a few more seconds before shifting slowly back into clarity.

"_Alright, Naruto. We're hooking up the suppressant now. Feel free to begin the test."_

"_Remember, invoke your deepest emotions and feelings and then try to focus and supress it. If you can do that, then you can control __**it.**__"_

"_Right." Naruto crossed his arms and focused."_

"Heh. This test is what caused all the trouble."

"I don't exactly remember… what happened?"

"You honestly don't remember? This was a test to invoke and control _it_."

Hinata managed to get a word in. "Are you t-talking about K-Kyuubi?"

Josh snorted and froze the memory. "Kyuubi? That furball? He's harmless. Great with children, for a bijuu, at any rate. He's probably the most docile bijuu I've ever met, and trust me; I've seen and sealed quite a few bijuu."

"_**Hey! I have a reputation to keep around here!"**_

"Well, maybe if you weren't such a softie…"

"I-Is that Kyuubi?"

"_**No, its Santa Fox come to town, five months too early. Of course it's Kyuubi, you simple human.**_"

"Kyuubi. Keep it down. We're trying to see view a memory here."

Everyone heard the fox snort. "_**Yeah, whatever. I still can't believe that you broke the seal. That's what kept me trapped in here.**_"

"You mean…"

"_**The day you undid that seal, the power from that memory sealed me in here. So, until you find a workaround, I'm out for battles. That is, unless you decide to summon me. And with that other seal, you'll lose the ability to summon me in a few weeks.**_"

"Wait. What other seal?"

"You mean you don't know? I thought you were given a full list."

"I wasn't given canned shit. Do you have a list?"

"_**I'll have Uzu give it to you later. I'm off to take a nap.**_"

"Do you have it now?"

"… _**I might…**_"

"Could I _see_ it?"

"_**I'm sleeping now. I can't hear you.**_"

"Stupid Furball… Naruto, why do you keep him around?"

"Don't ask me. My dad forced him on me."

"Hmm… do you know…?"

"Of course I know, you idiot. This is my body, after all."

"Why don't we finish the memory, then we'll discuss this. Your friends and comrades seem to be running out of air."

"_**Snore! Z. Z. Z.**_"

"**SHUT UP!**"

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"_He's losing control! Energy levels are spiking off the charts!_"

_A video screen in front of Josh blazed to life, and a man who looked remotely like him spoke in a gruff voice._

"_Josh, get your ass back here and get your sword. We're in for one helluva fight._"

"_Are you serious? My sword!? That means…_"

"_That's right. We're going to damage control._"

"_And you need me with a sword? Just how much damage do you expect?_"

"_Enough. Suffice to say that I have summoned The Ten. Director Out._"

"_Idiot. He knows he can't control The Ten. That's why he scattered them in the first place._"

"_Sir, we should get out of here. The building's losing its structural integrity._"

"_How long._"

"_Sir?_"

"_How long until he completely loses control?_"

"_With the rate the suppressant agent is metabolizing, we have about half an hour at most, if the field remains uncompromised._"

"_Plenty of time for me to stop this._"

"_With all due respect, sir, we've been ordered to fall back to GHQ. You're a member of The Ten that he summoned. We_-_"_

"_I am countermanding those commands. Give me Root Access to the suppressant sphere._"

"_But_-"

"_That's a direct order, Captain. Don't you dare ignore it._"

"_Yes, sir. Accessing Root Directory. You have control, sir._"

"_The rest of you get out of here. I'll handle this._"

"_Are you sure about this?_"

"_Once again, Captain, That's an order._"

"_Right. Everyone, let's get out!_"

"_Psh. Superid?_" _he whipped out a combat knife. This one was different then the one he currently carried. This one didn't have a serrated edge or black blade. _"_Let's see just how strong you __**really**__ are._"

"_**RAWR!**_"

"_The hell is that?_"

"_**Why, hello, Josh. How nice to see YOU!**_"

"_Son of a-!_"

The memory faded, and instead of one smooth memory, conjoined by flashes of blinding light.

"_**So… it's been a while, hasn't it, One?**_"

A man with silver hair raised a huge blade, pointing it at Naruto. "_You abomination. My predecessor helped seal you away. How did you return…_"

"_**That's for me to know and you to find out. Shadow Guardian Art: Raiton: Raikiri!**_"

"_That's enough. One through Five, attack his right arm. Six through Ten, go after his left arm. GO!_"

"_**Foolish Guardians. Do you really think I can be suppressed that easily? You underestimate me. Shadow Guardian Art: Silver Light**_-"

"_Scatter! Delta Attack Formation!_"

Everyone saw the ten swordsmen scatter, blades trailing behind them as they attempted to circle Naruto and his extremely dangerous energy attack. Even in the memory, everyone except Kyuubi, Josh, and Naruto flinched at the sheer amount of ambient energy in the air.

"W-What i-is t-t-t-this?"

"That… is Naruto… at Seventy-Five Percent Potential."

"S-Seventy Five?" This was not Hinata stuttering. This was Gaara, sand gourd falling off and landing on an invisible barrier.

"Yes, Sandman. Seventy-Five Percent. There's never been a recorded instance of this idiot reaching his full potential. I don't think we want him to either. As you power up or down, the rate of growth and decay moves exponentially as well. The same goes for any of us. Ah… there I am. Man, I thought I was a goner. Talked big for several hundred years, but even with the ten of us fighting together, we barely managed to scratch him. In return, we lost three and forced another into early retirement."

"Really? You lost three? Which ones?"

"Four, Five, and Nine were all destroyed. We never found anything besides their swords. Three decided to take an early retirement since we couldn't figure out how to regrow his leg."

"Regrow. His. Leg?"

"Yes, Catman. Regrow limbs. Naruto, would you care to explain?"

"You do it. I can't seem to remember how to."

"Stupid Uzu… anyway, when we become what we are, our genetic and physical structures change somewhat. With a large enough input of energy, you can stimulate enough growth to completely replace a lost limb. And trust me, we need it. What with the amount of failed techniques ripping off arms and legs, we would be little more then stumps if we didn't have this ability."

"_Sacred Guardian Art: Million Moonbeam Seal!_"

_Even as they watched from above, The Ten managed to surround a Naruto who was still lashing out every chance he got. All ten of the swordsmen raised their blades and were chanting while making sure they weren't in direct range of the blond. At an unknown signal, all ten swordsmen stopped, pointed their swords at the blond, and began to chant even faster. Even from this altitude, Josh's brown head was easily spotted among all the grey and silver._

_By some unheard signal, thousands upon thousands of thin and pale silvery strands flowed from the tips and bound the blond from head to foot rather like a cocoon. "There. It is done. Not even Nigh-"_

_Boom._

"_**You were saying, One? Not even The Ten can stop me.**_"

"_Spoke too soon._"

"_The hell you did. Sacred Guardian Art: Bunker Buster!_"

"_**Too slow, Josh. Come back again when you get stronger. Shadow Guardian Art: Silver Lightning.**_"

_The high-speed antimatter warhead met the blade of crackling lighting bolt and detonated, spewing smoke and debris everywhere. There was no way-_

"_**That's the famed Bunker Buster? How disappointing. I didn't even feel it.**_"

"_Im-Impossible! Twenty Gigatons of focused explosive power, not to mention a Supercharged Guardian Core. Even after all that, not even a scratch…_"

"_**Quite right. However, that warhead wasn't designed for destroying a person, your aim was off, and you didn't fully charge that warhead.**_"

"_How can you tell-_"

"_**I've seen the attack before. I know how much damage it can really do if you really try. Remember, I have my host's memory. Access to all his techniques and abilities. I'm unstoppable.**_"

"_Not quite, my disciple._"

"_**I know that voice… Old man, what do you want?**_"

"_Naruto. This isn't you. Feel back to your human side. Feel back to what you were before._"

"_**He's gone. All that's left is me and this power.**_"

"_I know that's not true. The Naruto that I knew would never let something like you take over_."

"_**Well, he did. Any last words?**_"

"_Yes. I'm coming out of retirement. For a few minutes, at any rate._"

"_**Shi-**_"

"_I helped to seal you away. I know all your weaknesses. After all, I'm the only remaining member of the original sealing team left._"

"_**You… You were the One?**_"

"_That is correct. The third layer is mine._"

"_**Foolish Old Man. You're out of your prime. Even back then, before the Primordial Seal, it took seven of you.**_"

"_Perhaps. But since you're occupying my student's body and claims that he has no control, I won't hold back. Besides, your power is limited by that body. A body to which I alone know the full potential._"

"_**Bring it o-**_"

"_Shadow Guardian Art: Phoenix Blade._"

_With blinding speed, the frail-looking old man spun his blade out of its sheath and attacked Naruto, who parried with a sword of his own. The only difference between the two was that the elder of the two had a blade of blazing flame, not metal._

"_**Not bad. I see your skills have not waned over time. However, I have full access to my host's incomplete techniques. Cosmic Guardian Art: Kri-**_"

"_Shadow Guardian Art: Infinite Darkness._"

At this point, Josh paused the memory and tapped the layer separating them from the action. "I was really quite lucky to get this memory. Caught him on a good day and managed to weasel this little bit out of him. However, I can say, since I was there, this battle lasted two days. You get to see the first ninety seconds."

"What, just Ninety Seconds?"

"Since when have you been able to get more out of him? We're no match for him, no matter how much he may train us."

"Speak for yourself. I held my own."

"That's not you, dumbass." Josh sighed. "Whatever, let's just finish this." He waved his hand, and the memory started again.

"_**This is…**_"

"_Yes. This is the apex of Shadow Guardian. An enclosed time-space sphere where the normal laws of nature and power no longer apply. Of course, this also means that…_"

"_**The Primordial Seal is no longer in effect.**_"

"_That is correct. Now, I'll give you one last chance to surrender and return Naruto to himself._"

"_**I keep on telling you, he's no longer here to return.**_"

"_Very well, if that's what you insist. Ani-_"

"And that's a wrap."

"That's it? Man, you cut it off."

"_Josh, is that you?_"

Everyone reached for their weapons, but relaxed as a blurred Naruto stepped toward them.

"Ah, Ru. It's been a while."

"_I could say the same for you._"

"Keeping the peace in here?"

The blond looked around. "_Sure. Whatever peace there is around this madhouse._"

"HEY!"

"Well, we're off. See you around."

"_Good luck with __**it**__._"

"Don't have to tell me."

"W-Why did t-the m-memory end?"

"Blame it on security protocol. Besides, gramps wouldn't give me anymore."

"Well, let's get back. Josh?"

"On it."

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"Alright, what was that? It stirred up more questions than it solved. Just what the hell was the point of showing us that memory?"

"Well, Catman, if you give me a chance to explain, maybe you'll have less questions."

"Uhh, Josh. Do you have any more… bandages?"

The brunette in question cocked his head and threw another handful of bandages. "If anyone here can heal, I would say that he's ready for conventional treatment."

"… I'll send for a medic."

"A very good idea. Thanks, Gaara."

"Anyway, we're off."

"Wait, I thought you were going to answer our questions."

Josh snorted, pulled out his combat knife, and started to twirl it. "You didn't give me a chance. As soon as Naruto's stable, we're pulling out. One of the two is still in the area."

"… You didn't get the Uchiha?"

"An Uchiha? The famed Sharingan?"

"… Correct…"

"Bit more problematic then I once thought. We're going by air."

"Ai- You can fly!?"

The brunette snorted, slotted the knife away and pulled out a pistol, twirling it continuously. "Psh. Of course. I'm our team's Tech Specialist. Anything you from an Obibital Bombardment to Sniper Shots come through me. Can't heal worth shit though. Usually don't need to. I don't get hurt that often, and Naruto doesn't usually need it. Our third team member used to with long-range energy attacks along with healing, but she's no longer with us…"

"…I'm sorry."

"Don't be. No matter how hard you try, death eventually comes. Even to people like Naruto. But he's learned to bitchslap it."

"WHAT?"

"Yep. Caught him drinking with the physical embodiment of Karma, sparred with Death, and bitchslapped Kami once. Man, what a mess that was."

"H-He what?"

"Kami plays dirty with cards. Naruto caught her cheating, she whacked him on the head, and he bitchslapped her. The fight following was quite interesting, I have to admit. Naruto's one of the few of us who can stand up to a god and limp away."

"Did he win?"

Josh snorted again, shooting Kankuro an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me? We're powerful and Naruto especially so, but even he can't stand up to a god like Kami and come out on the winning side. He did manage, however, to pull her dress down and created several moons in the process."

"W-What?"

"Yep. Then she shredded his arms and legs and threw him over the edge. Quite impressive. We're all surprised that he could move fast enough to slap her, not to mention get past the extensive wards that protect all gods, no matter how high or low, is beyond impressive."

"Just how impressive is it?"

"Blondie, if you knew how hard it is to hit a god, you wouldn't be so skeptical. I've studied the barrier. The damn things repel Gravity, Magic, Physical Matter, Elemental Attacks, and Energy Attacks. The only thing it doesn't fully repel is seals, and that's so that they can change their shape at will. In other words, nobody knows how he got through."

"Well, I'm ready to go. Josh, get the jet."

"Looks like times up. He's in charge here. I'm out."

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"The hell, Naruto! Why didn't you tell me that the atmosphere has a low oxygen content? I am not burning my hydrogen in a place like this!"

"Oh, come on. It's just some hydrogen…"

"I would have to use _slush_ hydrogen, which is ridiculously expensive right now!"

"What do you normally use?"

"Metallic Hydrogen. Much cheaper to harvest and store. No need for pesky temperature controls. However, you neglected to ever mention that you don't have enough oxygen in your world to burn. Looks like we're going by land, then."

"We're gonna walk?"

"That's right, blondie. That is, unless you wanna pay my gas bill?"

Naruto vehemently shook his head. "No thanks. You can keep that to yourself. I've seen the numbers. Your energy bill his higher then my ramen bill…"

"… To be frank, I find that impossible."

"I have to agree with the human raccoon for once. Well, no point standing around and bickering all day in the heat. Let's get going. Now, which way is home?"

"And you were gonna fly?"

"Fuck you."

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"Of all the godforsaken places you could _have_ plopped me down in, you just had to pick the middle of a fucking _desert_, didn't you?"

"Oh, shut up. I didn't want to call on you till a lot later. But what with that seal…"

"Which you have yet to tell me what it is. Just how bad is it?"

"Why don't you look and see? The Bushy Brows are racing back to Konoha. Knowing them and their gates, they'll probably be at the edge of the desert right now. We've got plenty of time."

"Sure. Seal?"

Naruto held out both his hands while Josh swapped out something in his helmet, before blowing some sand out and slotting it on. "Now… what do we have here…? Dual-layer… inverted… the hell is this Naruto? It's not even a seal!"

"Oh? Well, how about now?" the blond raised his hands until his thumbs were touching his canines, both palms still flat.

Josh leaned in closer, muttering under his breath, until. "Those sons of bitches. I never knew about this…"

"Nobody did. And nobody does. Well, you do now, of course, and Hinata over there once you explain things to her."

"Umm… W-What seal?"

The brunette slotted off his helmet and tucked it under his arm. "The seal in question is a forbidden one, even to us. There are only a handful of people skilled enough to use the damn thing, and it's definitely not anyone we see regularly."

"You're ranting again. Get to the point sometime before we sink into the sand."

"Alright, alright. I'm getting there. You may not be able to see it, but there are two semicircles with embedded triangles on his palms along with one on his forehead. Without an energy filter, you won't be able to see them."

"-Which won't be a problem, will it, Hinata?"

She nodded, forming a seal. "Byakugan!"

"Hmm? Byakugan? Then this is-"

"The prized bloodline limit. Allows the wielder to see any energy with a constant three hundred and fifty nine degree panoramic view, with a small blind spot at the base of the neck. Quite useful, but I haven't got a need for it."

"And why the fuck not? It would give you one helluva advantage in battle."

Naruto snorted. "Who needs a Byakugan when you can form several thousand clones that look in every which direction anyway? Besides, I like my eyes and I don't want a transplant, no offense, Hinata."

"O-Of course n-not. But w-what am I l-looking for?"

The blond raised his hand and pointed to his life line. "Six Millimeters down. There's one part of the seal. The other two are identical, just rotated."

"A-And what is i-it?"

Josh folded his arms and started walking again. "It's known as the Time Constrictor Seal, or as I call it, the Seal of Unholy Draining. The mechanics of the seal are simple enough. The corners of the triangle are the remains of a blood seal that stop the flow of power though time. Normally, that seal is easily removed. However, the circle on the outside is known as the Great Barrier Seal. It's one of the most powerful seal protectors ever developed. After cross-referencing-"

"Stop. You're ranting again. Speak Japanese. That way, we can all understand you. That translator's still in effect, right?"

"Not my fault you're an idiot and can't understand English."

Naruto jerked a thumb at Hinata. "It's not for my sake."

"Oh, right. Sorry about that… Anyway, there are only a few people that can do either. To do them both at the same time is simply unheard of."

"That's right."

"W-What do y-you mean?"

Josh pulled out his rifle and removed the clip, checking the inside for damage. "What I'm saying is that even Naruto at his peak wouldn't have been able to provide enough energy to generate that seal formation."

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"Brat. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you."

"You would never catch me?"

Tsunade didn't bother responding in words, instead, she threw a chakra-enhanced punch at Naruto, who caught it in one hand. "Too slow, baa-chan."

"My Jonin are still scraping paint off their boots. Why did you see fit to barricade yourself inside your house?"

"Simple. I was-"

"_UZUMAKI!_"

Naruto sighed. "What now?"

"_WHERE WHAT YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER?_"

"Keeping her away from the fangirls. Somehow, she can breach my front gates."

"_ENOUGH LIES! YOU WILL DIE FOR DEFILING MY DAUGHTER! JUKEN!_"

The blond sighed, leaned right, and caught Hiashi's wrist in one hand. "Seriously. If you're gonna attack me, at least put a real reason behind it. baa-chan, I'm heading home. Send a messenger if you need anything. Come on, Josh. Quit staring."

After the footsteps had faded from earshot, Tsuande snapped off rapid orders. "Shizune. Get the ANBU on a constant border patrol. Itachi is still out there somewhere. Hinata, go to the hospital and get checked out. Gai, Lee, that goes for you too. Hiashi-"

The Hyuga Clan Leader perked up. "Don't attack Naruto again. You'll get destroyed. Now. EVERYONE, GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

The Hiraishin wouldn't have been fast enough for anyone present. Before she could even blink, everyone was gone and she was alone again. "Damned brat." Tsunade muttered before pulling out a bottle of sake.

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Josh and Naruto had finally arrived at the gates of Naruto's home. The armored guardian whistled.

"I see you're doing well. Spend much on this?"

"Nope. Got it from my dad. Has sensei changed his form yet?"

Josh shook his head before pushing on the gates. "Nah. He's technically in retirement. You know how old he is."

Naruto pushed his armored partner aside and wiped some dried blood on the gates. "Blood seal. I'll give you a sample later so that you can get in or out. Let's get you settled in before going for some lunch. My treat."

"Please don't tell me it's gonna be ramen."

"Yep. You know me all too well."

"I am not going to eat that shit."

Naruto jumped back as if stung. "How dare you… Ramen is the food of the gods! You will be struck down for your impudence!"

Nothing happened. A few birds few by in the background, and some leaves rustled, but nothing happened. "I said, you will be struck down for your impudence!"

"… I am _so_ not going to do that, boss."

"Uzu, get your ass over here and tackle josh, goddamnit!"

"You owe me. I'm not going to do that."

Naruto Sweatdropped. "Screw this. Let's drop your stuff off and get something to eat."

"You can count me out if you're eating ramen. How about a sparring session?"

Naruto made a shadow clone, who took some of his stuff inside. "You're on. Light contact?"

Josh grinned and unsheathed his combat knife. "Nah. Where's the fun in that? You know I prefer… Full Contact."

"Bring it on, you tin can!"

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Author's Note.

AND! CUT!

That's a wrap for Chapter XVII, people. Great work.

Anyway, if you're reading this author's note, then thank you! I put these in for a reason. It gives you up-to-date information about my writings.

So. next chapter is out. Now that i've got two pieces, i'll be spiltting my time between them. if you have not checked out my other piece, Orange Lightning, then i highly advise you do so, especially if you enjoy banter between Josh and Naruto, or if you just want to see what naruto was like back in the day.

But now, i've got a new dilema. I recently started reading Full Metal Alchemist, and now i'm considering another prequel for Timeless. I already have the name. However, one poll at a time. i just took the old one down and put a new one up, this time not story related. I hope i get better feedback then the last one. it was up for nearly seven months and i had just around 30 votes, including my own. But if you know how, you can go see the results of that poll.

Anyway, to the announcer part!

Who is this Josh? How can he defeat Kisame so quickly? HOW COULD HE HATE THE GOD THAT IS RAMEN!? Will Naruto emerge intact from their sparring session? Find out next time, on Timless, a Naruto Fanon.

And that's a wrap.

Nothing more to spheal about. The current poll will stay up until the next chapter of Timeless, which should be between 1 and 3 weeks.

Later

Xingster


	19. Chapter 18

I dont own Naruto. I own several games, a PSP, a DS, a Itouch, a PC, two External HDDs, a PS2, a Gamecube, and a boombox.

Chapter XVIII: Fallen Power

Naruto grimaced as his fist collided with Josh's gauntlet of unyielding metal. "Just as hard as ever. I need to start wearing gloves."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you started fighting. You know I don't pull my punches in spars."

"Then I should stop pulling mine. Katon: Phoenix Flame!"

Josh didn't even blink as he parried the powerful fire attack with one hand. "Phoenix Flame? You know full well that a technique of that caliber can't touch me. You can barely put a dent in my shield with an enhanced Phoenix Inferno."

"Yeah, well. Try the fact that I'm sealed and can't quite remember how to use the firestorm without blasting my soul to bits. Also think that I've never even been close to you with a sword."

"Speaking of swords…"

"Sonofa-"

Before Naruto could even react, his old friend had drawn his blade and used the hilt of it to knock him clean through the side of the dojo, through the ground, and through the external seal. Twisting in midair, he managed to expel enough chakra to control his flight, only to see Josh right behind him, sword in mid-swing. This time, he had enough time to react.

The clash of metal on metal could be heard clearly throughout the village. Anyone who bothered to look up would have seen two blurred figures clashing repeatedly with large pieces of sharpened metal. They would also have heard the green one shouting faintly, "Goddamnit, Josh! I'm no swordsman, and you know that!"

Then they would also hear, "It's not my fault. You've had seven years to do nothing but sit around. Should have worked on your swordplay!"

Or some variant thereof.

For six hours, the clang of metal, fireballs, lightning strikes, gusts of wind, and small explosions could be heard for miles around. By the fourth hour, the entire village was paying attention to the skies, hoping for another spectacular clash.

Finally, just as everyone was wondering how they could stay airborne so long, they phased back into view above the Hokage's tower.

Josh had, and Naruto had no idea for the life of him why, turned on the megaphones so that their voices could be heard all throughout the village. "Not bad, Blondie. I take back what I said. You _have_ gotten a _little_ better. I'd say High Class B, maybe a Low Class A if I stretch it a bit."

Naruto wiped some blood off his cheek, the result of him blocking a slash way to close to his face. "You're unstoppable as always. Have you been promoted yet?"

The armored guardian slipped off his helmet and shook out his hair. "You bet your ass. I'm a Mid Class S now." And at this, the biggest grin anyone had seen for the last ten years split his face. "_And_ I'm Four."

"Are you… you're joking me, aren't you?"

"I shit you not. Though I may shit _on_ you later…"

"Well, speaking of shit, let's end this. I don't know about you, but I can't keep this up much longer. I've almost drained my stash."

"Already?"

Naruto snorted. "I'm sealed. There's no way for me to replenish it. That's why I couldn't use it unless I had to. I have just enough left for one final technique."

"I'm guessing it's not Orange Lightning?"

The blond shook out the kinks in his hands and put his sword away. "_I_ _wish_. But I've also got a theory, but that can wait for another day." He formed a Rasenshuriken. "Last attack settles all?"

Josh grinned, slipped his helmet back on, stuck his left arm out, and formed his own ball of energy. "I'm in. On the count of three?"

They both nodded.

"THREE!"

Naruto threw the Rasenshuriken straight up, quickly sealed, caught the ball of energy, threw the vortex, and spat a fireball right after it. "Katon: Fiery Rasenshuriken!"

The armored guardian, on the other hand, had clasped both hands on his sword and was now chanting rapidly under his breath. Nobody could hear what he was saying until he raised his blade, shouting, "Initial Guardian Art: Blazing Ice Blade!"

For Hinata, Lee, and Gai, the amount of energy expelled in that one attack was breathtaking. With the elegance of a fencer, but the energy of several dozen angry samurai, Josh charged the flaming projectile and slashed at it.

For the briefest of seconds, it looked like a draw. Then, as the external rotation slowed, the blade cut through it like a hot sword through a very big chunk of butter.

Josh was moving so fast that even Kakashi couldn't keep up with his Sharingan. The only thing that he could see was the moment when sword and energy shuriken collided, then nothing but a blur.

Naruto, however, after regaining a small portion of his memory, which included spars with his partner, knew enough to raise his sword to block the slash.

The armored guardian collided with the blond, sending him careening through the air halfway across the village. Before Naruto could do anything else, Josh had his sword at his neck. "And that's game."

* * *

Naruto sat back with another bowl of ramen, slurping away. "You know," he muttered into the broth, "You didn't have to go all-out with the swords. I was saving that for a rainy day."

Josh glanced up from his beer and holopanel. "Do you want me to make it rain? Because I can do that now."

The blond shifted to the next bowl. "Let me guess. Does this involve dropping a nuke in the atmosphere?"

"Why yes, it does."

He shook his head and continued eating. "I'll pass. If you want to go clean up the radiation, then go right ahead."

"Your loss. I was going to make it snow."

Naruto shook his head. "I've spent enough time around ice to last a lifetime. Hang on… how would you get it high enough? You told me you couldn't fly in this dimension."

Josh rolled his eyes. "There's a major difference between not wanting to fly and not being able to, idiot. Besides, for something that low, I don't need to use the jet or even the launcher now."

"Can you throw it that high, then?"

"Next time you throw a five-hundred pound nuclear warhead fifteen miles straight up in a standard G, tell me, would you? I've been getting new enhancements, dumbass."

"What did you get? A methane collector? Or maybe a muzzle for that mouth of yours?"

"Shut the fuck up. No, I got a handful of new neural implants, some more bio-enhancements, and a little trick I'm going to save for later."

"Seems like I'm not the only one hiding something."

"I'm a ninja. We hide things."

"And I'm a sworn member of the ten. Plus a whole bunch of other things. Did _you_ finally get the promotion?"

He poked himself in the chest. "What do you think? That I was going to remain a genin forever?"

"You're too stupid for a promotion. In fact, if it wasn't for-"

"N-Naruto-kun? Josh-san?"

Josh clenched his fist around the butt of his rifle and had it pointed between Hinata's eyes before the blond could even react.

"HEY! Watch where you're pointing that thing, will ya? These walls are too expensive to put random holes in! That's why there's the dojo underground!"

The brunette ignored the outburst. "How the hell did she get in? Even I can't do that without a sample of your blood."

Naruto shrugged. "No clue. She's been able to get in no matter what I've done to the front gate and door. I've changed the seals. I've strengthened the seals. Hell, I've even applied new ones so that even my dad couldn't get in. She still gets in somehow."

The armored guardian slowly lowered his rifle, clicked on the safety, slung the said weapon, and turned back to his documents. "I know how she's getting in."

"How?"

"Figure that one out for yourself. It's _your_ house, after all."

"Tell me."

"Nope." He said easily. "Figure out all your stuff. I'm trying to figure out a way to protect you from the RGs so that you won't get gutted like a fish when they come calling."

"Josh-san-"

Josh growled. "How many time do I have to tell you! I HATE HONORIFICS! It's always San this and Kun that and Chan this. Goddamn it!"

Naruto threw a plastic fork at his guest, who blocked it with a gauntlet without a second glance. "Do you _want_ me to kill you? Because I've got your specs right here, and they're not looking too good."

"Nah. Just want a quiet meal is all. After a sparring session with you, a guy's gotta eat."

Josh sighed, and leaned back in his chair, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry about that. It's just that after a mission I went on with Naruto, what, sixteen hundred years ago now?"

"I have no idea. I have no idea how long I've been gone."

"About twelve hundred years. Running solo missions aren't nearly as fun as they were with you. You could always get into a fight with _someone_. Anyway, on this mission, we were sent to a world not too different from this one. Thanks to the idiot owner of this house, we forget to pack accordingly and wound up eating nothing but ramen for eight years. I already didn't like ramen much, throw in the fact that we were called san and kun wherever we went… let's just say I don't want to think about it."

"Just don't yell at her or yell indoors. I like a relaxing afternoon with my ramen."

With two finger gestures and as upwards jerking his right hand, Josh had a medical chart of Naruto floating in midair. Alongside this were a series of graphs, pie charts, and the big letter F floating at the top next to his name.

"Alright. Here's what I've got from our sparring session." He gestured to the medical charts. "You're in pristine health, with the exception of that seal. Kyuubi's also doing fine."

"Good. Good. I knew the fox was good for something."

"Yeah, well. Don't get too comfortable just yet. Here comes the bad news."

"B-bad news?"

"She's got a Double SSS?"

"D-Double SSS?"

"Super-Stuttering Syndrome and Single-Syllable Syndrome. Single-Syllable is standard wherever we go. No matter how well we control it, without something like Shadow Suppression, we're going to be leaking energy. Throw in a spar or two, and you've got a potent combination."

"Just give me the bad news."

"The bad news? You're about as useful as a plank of wood right now in a combat situation. Your energy-" he pointed to a graph that seemed to ebb and flow with every passing second. "is below trainee status. Considering the fact that you once ranked third in terms of energy capacity without taking into consideration of the ERGs, that's quite a fall. As a matter of fact, if I didn't know you better, I could technically classify you as a swordsman right now."

"I'm not one of your metal-toting, steroid-munching, egocentric toadies."

"I know you're not." Josh said mildly. "You look nothing like my fellow swordsmen. Come to think of it, neither do I. I'm the only one of us under three hundred pounds unarmored. But that's not the point. What I'm saying is that once you read all this data, you get the rank of Class F Guardian."

Naruto was confused. "But there is no Class F…"

"Precisely. Congratulations, you're the only one of us in the Class Fucked. I had to drop to a new low for you."

"Well fuck you too."

The armored guardian grinned. "Oh, the irony. I think I'll quote you this time. '_I'm sorry, but I don't swing that way. Try next door._' Is that about right?"

The blond threw the bowl at his friend, made a shadow clone to prepare a firing range for Josh, and then turned to Hinata. "So, what can I do for you, Hinata?"

She poked her fingers together. No matter how strong she got, the ex-heiress could never get over this without her inner self. "Ano… My father wants to know where Hanabi went. She still hasn't come back yet."

Naruto leaned back and scratched the back of his head, thinking. "Hanabi… Hanabi… Ah. Yes. Well, um… ah… she's still in Suna, see."

"How the fuck could you leave someone behind?"

The blond turned to look at Josh. "Since when have I cared about my fangirls? Well, other then running away from them, that is."

"Never. In that respect, all your personalities are like that. Even _him_."

The jonin snorted. "In _his_ respect, he'd blow up the whole planet if someone was pissing him off."

"Fair point."

"So, anything?"

Josh looked back at his documents. "I don't know what to tell you. My energy levels have never been above Class B. If that wasn't the case, I could try to break the seal, but if I don't apply enough energy, all it's going to do is tighten even faster. I don't have any spare sets of armor with me, and even if I did, your Neural Implant is horribly out of date. There's no guarantee that it's even going to interface properly. I could build you some new bio-enhancements, but you don't have the technology to implant them here, and I don't think my portable machine shop is a good sterile surgery. Your current bio-enhancements are way overdue for an inspection, but I can do that easily. In truth, if we don't break that seal and get your memory back, you're gonna be dead in eighteen months; twenty if we take drastic measures. So, any suggestions?"

Naruto stood up and formed two shadow clones, instructed them with some rapid finger signals, put on his sunglasses, and sat down next to his old friend, looking, not at his medical chart, but at some of the other documents. "What's this?" he said, pointing at a space in midair.

The armored guardian flicked the questioned document down, causing the medical charts to disappear. It looked like the plans for some sort of weird square monocle. "This? Nothing much. Just a concept that I worked on for a few decades. After you told me about the Sharingan and after seeing what they can do through your memories, I tried to build a mechanical variant. No luck so far. Some guardians move fast enough that they develop superior eyes then these. Others don't need them, seeing as they're support types that don't need any real speed. These sync wirelessly with your neural implant and give your brain a slowed down picture of the situation and choices for analysis. It's better then natural eyesight in the respect that it bypasses the optical nerve in favor of a direct link into the vision part of your brain. That helps to boost its speed and your reaction time. Unfortunately, I've had problems getting a quality lens in any significant amount, there's little demand, and the few prototypes I've managed to build are little more then scrap metal. I'm considering abandoning the project."

"Well, don't. Could you build me a pair?"

"I suppose. Wait, why a pair?"

"One for me. One for the pretty girl standing next to me."

Josh shrugged. "I could build them, but I've got two problems with your plan."

"Shoot."

"Well, first of all, I don't have any lens…"

"Done." He handed over his sunglasses. "These ought to do. The old man gave them to me a while back."

"What the hell?" the swordsman wiped a thumb against the edge of the lens. "What is this?"

"Transparent metal. It's quite rare, so don't fuck this one up."

"Ok. Now my second problem."

"Go."

Josh pointed at Hinata. "Even though yours are horribly out of date, the '_pretty girl standing next to you_' doesn't have a Neural Implant. I can boot in some new firmware, but I don't have any chips with me, and I'm no field medic even if I did."

"Hinata, do you trust me?"

_**Oh yes! Quick, Hinata! Answer his question! Tell him that you trust him with your life!**_ Instead of doing all that and quite possibly scaring the blond off, she settled for a shy nod and a blush.

"Then I've got a plan."

"Then I've got another question."

"Yeah?"

"Why does she need one?"

Naruto stared at his friend and solemnly replied with one word. "Fangirls."

* * *

Josh stood two hundred feet away from a target, rifle up to his shoulder, snapping off bursts into a concrete target.

To the average bystander, had there been any in the underground dojo, it would have seemed like the guardian was focusing on shooting. Anyone who knew him well would tell you a completely different story. Two hundred feet was nothing. The average distance for him to actually focus with a rifle was about half a mile while snapping off bursts. And for distances like that, he generally swapped out barrels for the sniper variant.

He was actually thinking about a whole host of things. Experimental designs, beer, his next meal, and how to deal with high-powered seals.

"How's the range?"

Naruto landed right next to Josh, tapping his helmet with a can. "It's fine. Thanks for the beer, but I'm kinda concerned about you right now."

The blond shrugged and threw two shuriken, nailing the targets. "Don't get your hair in a knot. I'll be fine."

"No, you won't. It's not just for me. You heard that oracle-"

"Yeah, yeah. Silver, Yellow, Blue, Black. Thou four shall seal thy power of devils with thou light and shadow. Yeah, I know. I'm yellow, you're silver, but we never found blue or black. How many years were we searching? How many times did we go through the guardian rosters?"

Josh shrugged. "Your memory is surprisingly accurate for someone who lost all of it supposedly. But I think I may have a way to break the seal. It won't be pretty."

"If you're talking about letting _it_ out, you're crazier than those fangirls outside. You know very well that it can't be controlled. Or did you forget the memory that you showed us?"

"I know that. But timing is of the essence here. If I can get it back under control before it rips off your PI…"

"You would have about fifteen milliseconds."

"Yeah… maybe not so smart in hindsight."

Before they could get any further, a huge explosion rocked the house. "What the hell was that?"

As they rushed upstairs, Josh slotted on his helmet, drew his rifle, clicked off the safety, and loaded a round into the chamber. Naruto slotted out a double handful of kunai, ready to throw at a moment's notice.

They exchanged a quick look and both nodded. At a silent signal, Josh jumped, tucked, rolled, and assumed a firing position next to the door. Naruto leapt to the side as he threw off his load of kunai, pinning whoever it was to the Hyuga Estate wall.

Just as Josh's hand tightened on the trigger, Naruto waved him off. "It's just a Chunin. Not a threat. I'll handle this."

The blond drew his sword and cautiously approached the front gates. He knew that nobody from Konoha could forcibly open those gates, but transforming into a nondescript chunin would be no problem for a Bounty Hunter. "Yes?"

"Umm… Uzumaki-san, I have been ordered by the council to give you a summons."

Naruto eased open the gates, poked his head out, and after making sure the coast was clear of fangirls, unpinned the poor man's arm so that he could hand the blond a scroll. After scanning the scroll, he raised an eyebrow and lit the paper on fire. "Tell the council that I'm not interested."

"But… but… the council was adamant. They insisted that you come immediately to-"

"And I'm insistent that I'm not interested in whatever they have to say. If they want me to see them, they'll have to make an order from baa-chan."

"Ah. I have that as well."

"What? Give me that!"

The jonin rapidly scanned the second scroll, sighed, and put it into his kunai pouch. "My orders only instruct me to report to the council when ready. It doesn't say when or how I should do so."

"The council won't be happy."

"The _council_ also doesn't have a secret worth dying for. I might have some obligation to follow their orders, but my guest sure as hell doesn't. I'm guessing that he's the one they want to see?"

Before the chunin could respond, Naruto snatched up his kunai, gave a terse nod, slipped back inside the gates, sealed them, and then went back inside.

"Problem?"

"Just a messenger from the council. Apparently, you're enough of a threat to warrant their attention."

Josh grimaced, ejected the round, pulled the chamber open, and clicked on the safety. "I'm ready whenever you are. So… don't kill them?"

Naruto pondered it for a few seconds before replying. "As much as I would like to get rid of the windbags, killing them won't do anything for my image in the village. If they're a threat, eliminate them."

"And if not, can I still scare the shit out of them?"

The blond pulled out a handful of Hiraishin Kunai, threw them toward the Hokage's Tower, then phased out of existence, Josh quickly following. "Of course. This would be too boring otherwise."

* * *

Naruto cautiously approached the front entrance, escape kunai at the ready. "Coast's clear. Let's get going… What?"

Josh wordlessly pointed behind them to a rapidly approaching dust cloud.

"Well, shit."

Before the horde could get any closer, the jonin slipped inside and sealed the door behind him. "Too close."

Josh didn't say anything, merely sliding another rod into place. "Could have been worse."

"Damn. Forgot you really hate formal meetings. This won't take long."

"For their sake, it had better not." The brunette's fingers drummed a tattoo into the hilt of his combat knife. Despite the fact that Naruto didn't have his entire memory back, anyone with half a brain knew that this was a bad sign.

"Umm… are you sure you want to go through with this?"

Josh snorted. "Of course not. But, being an unregistered visitor already, I might as well comply with the local authorities. I just hope this place has a high ceiling so that the shit doesn't hit the fan too soon."

"Are you sure you won't kill them?"

"No guarantees, but I'll do what I can."

"That's really reassuring…"

* * *

"Naruto Nami-"

"For the last goddamned time, Jiji, the name is Naruto _Uzumaki_. If you call me that one more time, I'm gonna walk out of here."

"But the Namikaze blood flows in your veins-"

"The same goes for Uzumaki. I was named Uzumaki to protect me, and I don't want to go worrying my parents, now do I?"

Shukaku waved him off. "Naruto, if there's anyone in this village that needs less worrying about then you do, I have to meet him."

The said blond jerked a thumb at the silver-clad man sitting in a bench on the side of the room. "You've just met one."

"Could we _please_ get back to the matter at hand?"

"Sure. As soon as you start calling me by my given name."

"I'm afraid that's not possible."

"And why the hell not?"

Before Naruto could say anything, whispers came from the civilian side of the room. Inaudible to most present, but the ninja picked it up just fine.

"_Who does the demon think he is talking to?_"

"_Such impudence. And the women falling for this bastard?_"

"_Let's poison his next meal. Get rid of him. We should have done it years ago._"

The blond sighed, gave Josh a glance and two finger signals, and rocked back on his heels. Everything was going to be taken care of.

The brunette flashed across the room, knocking papers and ANBU alike from his path, and in the space of half a second, knocked out the offenders and dumped them next to Naruto, who prodded them with his toe. "Damn. They're out cold."

Kakashi leaned back in his chair, representing the Jonin of Konoha. Normally, Shikaku filled this role, but as there was a full meeting, he had to take up the position as the head of his family. "Non-lethal hits, I presume?"

"You would be correct."

"HOW DARE YOU! ANBU, SEIZE HIM!"

"No, wait! That's a really bad-"

Before anyone but Naruto could do anything, Josh blazed into action again, disabling all ANBU before they could even move, then proceeding to drop their unconscious bodies next to the councilors. "Anything else you want to try?"

"Idea… I tried to warn you."

Upon seeing how easily their elite guards were taken out, all the civilians bolted for the exit. Josh didn't bother to move. Then again, he really didn't need to. "Don't bother. I've sealed the door myself. Nobody comes in, nobody goes out. Until we finish, anyway. I really don't want to make a return trip."

Anko smirked from her spot in the shinobi section. "How did you knock them out? Personally, I would find this quite useful in some of my more… personalized… missions."

The armored guardian snorted, pulled his knife from its holder, and began twirling it like a bored student would a pen. "Simple. This knife has four hardened impact points. I can use them to hit someone, depending on how much damage I want to do."

Kurenai looked closely at the knife. "What kind of knife is that? Asuma's… knives were different."

Josh scratched his head for a minute before seeming to find the memory that he was looking for. "Ah. Yes, well, from what I've seen in Naruto's memories, those were trench knives. Basically a set of brass knuckles with an extended blade. This, however," he said, catching the blade and balancing it on one fingertip so that all could see, "Is a purely dedicated combat knife. It's got a handle made of energy-hardened Desert Ironwood, fourteen-inch toughened titanium/carbon-steel blade with two sharpened edges, is shatter-resistant, and as a added bonus, the tip and edges are one molecule wide, allowing it to cut through anything near its density level. Had to get this custom-made. Naruto can eventually testify to how many these things have broken over the years."

Naruto nodded before going on. "He could have easily killed them. For everyone's sake, let's just get this over with quickly."

"Very well. Nami-"

"That's it. I'm gone. Josh, unseal those doors."

"Naruto-"

"I told him. I told him that if he called me the wrong name one more time, I'm leaving."

"Just get it over with."

Naruto scowled and formed a Rasenshuriken, the sudden burst of energy sending the few papers left flying in random directions. "I'll say it again. Let me out of here, or I'll-"

"You'll what? Hit me with a technique that can't even scratch me?"

"If that's what it takes, then yes." The armored guardian took off his helmet, tucked it under one arm, and then let his other arm fall to his side. "Go on. Hit me with your best shot."

"FIRE AWAY! FUTON: RASENSHURIKEN!"

Josh didn't even flinch as the attack struck him in the chest. However, instead of detonating into a huge ball of energy, it pinged right back at its thrower, who punched it straight up into the ceiling, where it detonated in a huge ball of energy.

"Are you finished yet? I don't like being here any more than you do. Just get the damn thing over with and we'll get something to eat."

"You're paying."

"I don't have any local money. You're paying."

"Ramen, then."

"Fuck, no. If going to give me ramen, I'll just kill everyone here. Save me the trouble, and I'll shoot a couple of deer or something."

Before he could do anything else, Shikaku had locked shadows with him and was holding him firmly in place. Inoichi had his hands ready to enter the brunette's mind, and Choza was raring to go. "As troublesome as this is, if you kill my deer, my dear wife will have a few words with me about my job, and that's even more troublesome than holding you down."

The swordsman's eyes twitched as he saw his current predicament. "Ah, the Kagemane no Jutsu. Quite interesting. However…" Nobody saw the following explosion of light. However, by the time it faded from everyone's retinas, Josh was sitting down, eating something from a metal tray. "Not quite enough power to hold me down. It would be quite nasty if it was infused with Guardian Energy, but that's water under the bridge."

"What did you-"

"Triple-S. Great. Well, to put in simple terms, I detonated my shield. I'm surprised that you're all still here, as a matter of fact. Any more energy; and you would all be fried chicken right now."

"NOW!" Homura readjusted his hat and spoke loudly, "Let us return to this meeting. Naruto Namikaze-"

"I TOLD YOU! THAT'S NOT MY NAME!"

"-Has been summoned here on his guest, abilities, and future."

"I think the guest has been introduced." Shikaku rubbed his wrists, mumbling about how he was getting too old for this.

"You are correct, but we know nothing of his abilities. This council demands that he show them-"

Josh chuckled. When everyone looked at him, he just coughed. "Oh, that's a good one. Just how do you expect to back that up? Naruto's seals still have you baffled, and I'm a far better seal master than he is. You could try forcing them out of me, but the results would be… mixed."

"That is why we have offered you citizenship in our village, with the option to immediately start a clan."

"Can't."

"And why not? You should be-"

"Against standing orders. Besides, I've gotten better offers. I'm only here because of Naruto."

"You are a guest-"

"Of Naruto Uzumaki. Last time I checked, he's a jonin that reports directly to the Hokage. You civilians can try to order him around, but the Hokage has the final say. The same goes for me."

"But you're not a Konoha Shinobi."

"I'm working as a bodyguard for Naruto Uzumaki, and so I'm working under his rules, alongside the rules for ninja of this village. Besides, any technique I use are completely unusable unless you're a guardian. You try it otherwise, all you're going to do is kill yourself, or lose a couple of limbs if you're extremely lucky."

"We insist-"

"Forget it." Josh said flatly. "Just drop it. You'll live longer and be happier."

"Very well. We will now move onto the second item of business."

Naruto stiffened. _There wasn't anything about anything else on the message._

Homura cleared his throat. "The issue is about Naruto Namikaze's potential wives and heirs."

Josh actually paled. "Oh no you didn't." he breathed, reaching for his sword.

The blond's hand clenched tightly into a fist.

* * *

Pain looked up from his seat at the edge of the tallest building in Ame.

"It is time. Kakuzu and Hidan, go after the Kyuubi. He is weak right now. There will be resistance. Try not to die."

"Did you hear that? Don't be such an idiot.

"Yeah, right. I wish someone _could_ kill me... wait, come back here! Jashin-sama will smite you!"

Pain rubbed the bridge of his nose, nudging the chakra receptor rods in the process. "Why do I put up with these two?"

* * *

Author's Note.

And that's a wrap!

Hey, everyone! It's hard to believe it's been a full year since Timeless was started. I've come a long way as a writer since then, if you've been paying attention.

I will write more often now. The ACT, SAT, and PSAT were taking a huge bite out of my time, but not that it's pretty much over, i'll have some more time.

On the topic of reviews, i got one measly review for my last chapter. Rose Tiger, thanks for sticking with me through thick and thin.

Now, i want more reviews.

More reviews = faster chapters.

Less reviews = slower chapters.

So, to the announcement part.

"What will be Naruto's Next Move? What will the council attempt to force? Why do they want to force him into a marrage? How will Akatsuki attack? Find out next time on Timeless, a Naruto Fanon!"

So that's pretty much it. PLEASE REVIEW! I FIND REVIEWS ENCOURAGING! THE MORE YOU REVIEW, THE FASTER I WRITE.

Until next time,

Xingster


	20. Chapter 19

I dont own Naruto. I do barrel rolls.

Chapter XIX: Good Idea, Bad Idea, Naruto

Josh twitched as Naruto reached for his chest. When he folded his arms, the armored figure had his sword at the ready, an incantation ready on his lips.

"Relax. As long as they don't piss me off any further, it won't come out."

"That's _not_ very reassuring…"

"Would you rather I let it out?"

"I'd rather take off your head first. There's no way in hell that I'm going to fight that thing again. I wouldn't be surprised if it beat me in single combat right now."

Naruto chuckled grimly. "Surely _I'm _no match for a member of The Ten?"

"You keep on telling yourself that. I'll relax when you lower your arms away from that position."

"You wish. I said if they would stop pissing me off. They might still do so. Besides, keeping you on your toes is nice. Consider it payback for not letting me out."

"Bitch."

"Can we please get back-"

"You've long since lost control of this meeting. We'll show you how we do these things. Naruto?"

The blond didn't immediately reply to this, and Josh sighed. "I offer to do this, and you're still going emo on me. Alright, you old hags. Let me lay down some ground rules. Never mention Naruto and marriage in the same sentence, never mention any potential kids, never bash ramen or orange, never steal his ramen, always eat the offered ramen if you can't defeat him in single combat, do _not_ join his fangirl corps unless you want to suffer his wrath eventually, dancing around like an idiot is always a good thing, and never threaten a friend of his unless you want to see the business end of Orange Lightning up close and personal. That about covers it for this Naruto."

"This-"

"Don't ask, you'll live a _lot_ longer."

"S, I mean H2."

The collective thought was a big fat _what_? But Josh knew. "Oh, you sick bastard. Do you really want to torture them with _that_ one?"

"Yeah. Payback's a bitch. I could be eating ramen right now."

"Right." The silver man sheathed his sword and pulled out a keychain-sized hammer, grasping it tightly. "Half, full, or double!"

"WHAT DO WE WANT!?"

Naruto and Josh each stood next to each other and shouted at the same time, "HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER TIME!"

With the flick of his wrist and a couple of muttered words, the miniature hammer grew rapidly, until it was half as big as the wielder. Before anyone could so much as sweatdrop, the brunette began rapidly swinging the hammer at Naruto, who was repeatedly hit and thrown in the air. (A/N, Think of the hammer in SSBB)

"HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMER-HAMMMMMERRRR TIIIIME!"

Naruto landed lightly on his feet and looked around. "Nice…"

"I thought the civilians were getting a little noisy. "Let's get this over with. I am seriously hungry."

Shikaku rubbed his ears dazedly. "Well, Naruto, you may want to close your ears. We're going to discuss one of the 'forbidden' topics now."

Josh nodded, walked over to the door, beckoned for Naruto to follow, and opened it. "Right. Wait outside, will ya?"

"NO! I WANT TO LISTEN!"

"I am _not_ going to let you blow another gasket and risk it coming out." The silver man said lightly, picking the blond up by the scruff of his neck. "So go make yourself useful and go get me a beer or something!"

Konoha was blessed with a scene that it hadn't ever seen before. Right as he finished speaking, Josh drop-kicked the blond quite a distance. "GOOD LUCK WITH THE FANGIRLS!" he called to the rapidly fading dot.

With that, he slammed and resealed the door. "Right. Let's get down to business."

The elder Nara rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Man… why am I not retired yet… and no, we're not in the business of killing huns."

"That's because you've been thoroughly whipped by your wife. Get a spine."

At this, Inoichi, Choza, and every other male shinobi cracked up. It was well known through the community that Shikaku was whipped by his wife, and he often admitted it himself, but this was the first time someone else had mentioned it in public.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time…"

This only caused the rest of the crowd to laugh even harder.

"Man, you're lucky this place is sealed up. Otherwise, your dear wife might have your balls for dinner."

Shikaku just kept on going. Apparently two decades of marriage were just fighting to break out from their bonds, "I mean, twenty years ago, the thought was, 'Wow, this girl's going to have sex with me. What have I got to lose?'"

Josh folded his arms and pointed straight up. "It looks like your balls."

Yoshino was above the hole in the ceiling created by Naruto's ricocheting Rasenshuriken, yelling inaudibly inside. "Did I mention that she could hear every word that you were saying?"

"You are _such_ a sadistic bastard."

The armored guardian grinned widely. "I try my best. Now, let's get some work done before the castration. Who are the candidates? And why isn't the old lady down here? I thought they were friends."

Danzo took a step forward. "Tsunade-hime is unfortunately, besieged with paperwork at the moment. She could not attend this meeting."

Josh took the offered folder, rapidly rifling through the contents. "Let's see. The Godaime Mizukage… Hmm… A political marriage… Nope. This won't do."

The bandaged man raised his visible eyebrow. "And why not? I assure you, she is of noble stock-"

"Look, do you want me to deliver this to Naruto, or would you rather do this yourself? Because if I don't find anything better, you guys can tell him yourself. And trust me; I'll be laughing at your funeral. Naruto would never stand for a political marriage. Just trust me on that point."

Danzo looked around at the carnage. "And how would we do that? You've incapacitated all civilians with even a little bit of power."

"I did that because I really hate stuffy meetings and they were getting on my nerves. Let's just leave it there and move on. Hmm… hey! It's the pink-haired banshee! No, she won't do either."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" Sakura was being forcibly restrained by half a dozen jonin, all of which were straining to keep their footing.

Josh shrugged and deadpanned. "It's Kyuubi's nickname for you. If you have a problem with it, I suggest you take it up with the furball, not me."

Nobody felt like prodding at the mind of the greatest natural disaster that Konoha had ever gone through, so they moved on.

"Let's see… Yamanaka, nope. Shizune? You're a pedophile. Matarashi? What the fuck? Inuzuka? Nah… Ichiraku… meh. Temari? You'll get one angry Nara on your ass for that one. Hyuga…"

The entire room was stock-still, except for the occasional breath. Even Yoshino had stopped pounding on the barrier. This was the last name. The last chance in years for the rebirth of the Namikaze… excuse me, Uzumaki.

"Hmm… maybe. And that's a really big maybe. Interesting."

Time seemed to stand still as his hand passed between the two sheets, seemingly undecided. "Well…"

All the conscious occupants and even some of the unconscious ones seemed to lean forward slightly.

"This can wait. I'm hungry, and Naruto needs saving from those fangirls. I'll be taking these-" he said, holding up the sheaf of paper. "And I'll present to Naruto what I think is wise."

"But there are two Hyuga of the-"

Josh shook his head. "Technically, no. Ms. Double SSS has been sealed, as Naruto has kindly told me. However, I'm too hungry right now to worry about it. Eh, what's your name again?"

"Shikaku."

"Well, then, Shikaku, I'm a fair man at times. I'll give you a ten second head start before I let your wife do whatever she wants to you."

"Wait, only ten seconds?"

"Three Mississippi. Four Mississippi. Five Mississippi."

Shikaku jumped out of his seat, rushed over to the door, threw it open, and ran for his life. Unfortunately for him, he ran straight into a herd of fangirls currently chasing one of twenty Narutos flying around the village.

Needless to say, a visit to the Hospital was in order for more then one injury.

Josh chuckled as he walked out the door. "Ah…" he said, taking a deep whiff of the air. "Nothing quite smells like the scent of destruction in the morning…"

Everyone just stared at him.

* * *

Naruto ducked into another corner of an alley, watching closely as a fangirl patrol went by.

They were getting smarter in terms of tactics. Instead of chasing him around like a herd of cattle, they were splitting up into smaller groups and combing through the village. Of course, in this case, 'Smaller' was used in the loosest sense of the word.

Each 'patrol' was composed of roughly thirty fangirls, and there were easily a hundred patrols, with their numbers swelling by the hour. While he didn't know the exact population of Konoha, it was evident that sooner or later, they would catch him, especially with the state that he was in right now.

"Do you have my beer?"

The blond blanched, twisted, and threw a handful of shuriken, which pinged harmlessly off the breastplate of Josh's armor. "The hell was that for?"

Naruto pulled his friend down behind the trash can. "Keep it down, damn it! In case you didn't notice, I'm kinda trapped here right now. You'll have to go get your own beer and cows. There's no way I can go into a store and buy something right now. Those fangirls are _vicious_!"

"But I don't have any-"

The jonin shoved a double handful of ryo into his friend's hand. "There, now go away. You're too visible in that armor."

Josh shrugged, got up, and walked out of the alley. As he passed a patrol of fangirls, he discretely nodded toward the space from which he had just come out of.

With hardly a second thought, the group turned and ran into the space, causing Naruto to yell at the top of his lungs, "JOSH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

The armored man looked back at the retreating dot in the sky. "I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY!"

* * *

Two hours, a lot of haggling, a rifle round, and a quick trip to the Ninja Mart later, Josh was approaching Naruto's house with a dead cow slung over one shoulder and a dozen twelve-packs in the other. "What is going on here?"

In the two hours that he had been gone, Naruto, with the help of his Kage Bunshin, had turned his father's home into an absolute fortress. As far as the eye could tell, every part of the wall was now weaponized or trapped in some way. Cannons, nets, the beginnings of an inner moat had taken form, and they weren't just standing there.

Before he could inspect any further, one of Naruto's clones yelled something, an explosion sounded, and a twenty-pound cannonball was on a collision course with his head.

Following years of training and instinct, Josh dropped the cow and beers, slid out his sword, and cut the metal right down the middle. "What was _that_ for!?"

Instead of replying, the clone poked his head back toward the house. "Bad news, men! They have reinforcements! Begin bombardment!"

A roaring cheer went up, and before Josh could do more then shift his grip on his sword, the sky darkened with scores of cannonballs, all falling toward him faster then should have been possible.

Had anyone been watching at the moment, they would have only seen a blur of black, orange, silver, blue, green, and brown.

Here's what would have been seen had anyone had a fully matured Sharingan around.

The brunette swept his sword in a wide arc, creating a small energy barrier that would hold- for a few seconds, at any rate. Emerging briefly from behind the shield, he cut at incoming shells, trying to reduce the collateral damage.

"You know, if you're trying to kill me, at least use explosive shells-"

With huge clouds of smoke, the armored guardian turned around to see nearly a hundred Narutos behind him alone, Rasengans of all sort in hand.

"Katon-"

"Futon-"

"Doton-"

"Suiton-"

"Raiton-"

"RASENGAN!"

Josh threw his sword into the air, dodged around the first wave of Rasengans, tapping the clones just enough so that they would detonate, but quickly enough so that he could react in time to the next attack.

"Futon: Rasenshuriken!"

"Raiton: Yajirushipiasu!"

"Katon: Kussakusai!"

"Doton: Hasaitekko!"

"Suiton: Dekishidoku!"

The swordsman tried to dodge, but found himself unable to move his feet. "The hell…"

"Sorry man, we've been ordered not to let you go."

The other clone winked at him. "Nothing personal."

"It never is with you, is it?"

Josh didn't get to say anything else as the five Narutos charged in, toting Enhanced Elemental Rasengans, which they then proceeded to slam one at a time into the guardian.

Needless to say, the resulting explosions were quite violent.

* * *

"Are you done yet?"

After ten more minutes, several million ryo in property damage, the destruction of multiple homes, businesses, and the village's water main and sewer, the guns of Naruto's home were finally silenced.

"DAMN IT! UZU! HOW MANY MEN DO WE HAVE LEFT!?"

"…Two."

"YEAH! A TWO MAN ASSAU-. Wait, did you say two?"

"I don't think I stuttered. Two men. That would be me and you."

"Naruto! Without a guardian attack or the Phoenix Firestorm, there's no way for you to damage my shield! Give it up already! I want to eat sometime today!" Josh called, his external speakers boosted to maximum power.

"LIKE HELL I WILL! YOU'RE NOT COMING BACK INTO MY HOUSE!"

The brunette blanched. "BUT I'M HUNGRY! AND YOUR FANGIRLS ARE STILL OUT THERE SOMEWHERE!"

"I DON'T CARE! AS LONG AS THEY STAY OUT THERE AND I STAY IN HERE, I'LL KEEP IT THAT WAY! IF YOU COME IN, I'LL USE YOUR WEAKNESS!"

"I CALL BULLSHIT! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY WEAKNESS, AND EVEN IF YOU DID, SOMETHING LIKE THAT WOULDN'T HAVE COME BACK TO YOU YET!"

There was silence for a moment, then Naruto's voice, not quite as loud as before, "Doesn't matter, I'll use the Guardian's weakness! You know I'm good at that!"

"Right." He growled. "Enough is enough."

He put away his sword and twirled out his rifle, hitting the clip release halfway through a spin, causing the magazine to fly halfway across the village, destroying a fire hydrant in the process.

Josh stopped the rifle with a few choice hits, slammed a clear extended clip home, cocked the bolt, loaded a round into the chamber, spun off the rifle barrel, and slotted on a SMG one before calling out. "This is your last chance! Let me in, or I'll open fire! I might not be able to break through that blood seal of yours, but I can still do a lot of property damage!"

"DO YOUR WORST! I'M WAITING!"

Just as the silver gauntlet tightened, he felt a tap in the middle of his back.

Before she could even react, Hinata's head was in Josh's crosshairs for the second time that day. "Goddamnit, girl! I thought you would have learned not to do that! You know how jumpy I can get, and with a gun in my hand, you could be dead right now!"

"Ano… I can unlock the gates for you…"

"_That_," he muttered. "would defeat the purpose of what I'm trying doing right now."

"What?"

"I'm trying to prove a point here. And speaking of points… you might want to stand behind me. Like. Right now."

"Ano…"

"Do you really want to get hit by ricocheting bullets? These rounds aren't treated. There's a good chance that they're going to bounce off the barrier. I can take a clip of these. Your clan home might survive a few hits. You wouldn't survive the recoil."

"Thanks."

Josh grunted. "Don't thank me. If you died, Naruto would be on my case for decades. You might want to plug your ears and close your eyes."

Before she could do much more then blink, the silver man had spun back around, dropped his visor, clicked off the safety, and let loose a hail of bullets, the greater majority of which were deflected well over the village walls, but a large handful managed to breach the seal, damage it, and break down the wall.

Of course, what didn't go into the wall and out of the village landed in the nearest intact buildings, which of course would be the Hyuga Estate.

* * *

Josh and Naruto were staring at each other from opposite sides of an invisible barrier, the physical one long since destroyed by Antimatter.

"Are you going to let me in?"

"No."

Naruto was dripping blood down his face and one arm, the said arm hanging slack in its socket.

His other arm, however, was quite steady, and gripping his sword.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright then. Don't say I didn't warn you." He sheathed his sword and screwed off the barrel of the gun.

"… Boss. You might want to give up. Like right about now."

"What? Why should I do that? He can't hurt me in here."

Uzu pointed. "I don't know about you, but that doesn't look like a bullet to me."

Naruto did look. What he saw was not encouraging, to say the least.

Josh had gotten down on one knee and was busy mounting a rocket to the end of his rifle. The warhead looked simply too big to be allowed on the end of such a small rifle. "The hell is that?"

"If memory serves me correctly, which it's probably will in this case, that's a Dark Bunker Buster. Not exactly something I would want to face at our current power levels. Or ever, for that matter. I still remember what he did with that one that missed-"

"Dark Guardian Art: Bunker-"

"If you're going to do something, do it now."

"He won't fire… right?"

"BUSTER!"

"Well, fucknuts."

* * *

"Did I scare you?"

Naruto groaned as he shifted his recently repaired shoulder. "If you hadn't caught that missile at the last second, I would have summoned Kyuubi somehow to eat the damned thing. Of course I was scared, you dipshit! I still vaguely remember something about a misguided Dark Bunker Buster tearing the shit out of the moon!"

"Actually, I cracked it into five pieces. But who's counting?"

The blond threw a kunai at his friend, which bounced harmlessly off his armor. "I'M COUNTING, OF COURSE, YOU JACKASS! I LIVE HERE, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE!"

"You lived on the Strife for a while. That didn't stop you from drilling holes in solid titanium armor plating to store your ramen."

"THAT'S DIFFERENT! THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE HERE!"

"And I had fifteen AI and a sentient ship. Do you _know_ how much the Strife bitched at me to stop you from drilling any more holes?"

"No… why should I?"

"Why? WHY!?" by now, Josh had ripped of his helmet and was shouting as well. "WELL, WHY DON'T YOU THINK FOR A BIT? THE STRIFE IS A LIVING SHIP! SHE HAS ACCESS TO ALL OF THE SUBSYSTEMS, INCLUDING THE GODDAMNED INTERCOM! THE INTERCOM CAN LINK UP WITH MY INTERNAL SPEAKERS! SHE WAS BITCHING AND MOANING AT ME NONSTOP TO STOP YOU FROM DRILLING MORE HOLES!"

"But I fixed them back up…"

"YES, BUT WITH GODDAMNED TOOTHPASTE! AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING! WHY THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO FIX A TITANIUM WALL WITH TOOTHPASTE!? THAT ONLY WORKS ON DRYWALL, IDIOT! AND ANOTHER THING! HOW THE _**FUCK **_DID YOU GET THAT MUCH TOOTHPASTE!?"

"I tried… it's the thought that counts, right?"

Josh slotted his helmet back on and breathed heavily. "Yeah, but it's like ripping someone's dick off and offering to put the foreskin back where it used to be. It's not the same, Naruto."

"Ano… how big was the hole?"

"That sounds like a dirty question a guy would ask about the local prostitutes, but I'll ignore that bit. Naruto, here, with his little Rasengans carved a hole ten feet high by ten feet wide and SIX AND A HALF FUCKING FEET DEEP IN ENERGY-RESISTANT TITANIUM! How the hell can you eat that much ramen, AND FOR THAT MATTER, HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO IT?"

"Hey, don't ask me. I lost my memory, remember?"

"Typical. Avoiding the question. I always wondered why Internal Affairs hated you so much. Now that I've been yelling at you for a bit, I know why."

"Hey Hey Hey!"

The brunette sighed. "Naruto. Elvis is currently running around central advertising the next tournament. If we get back soon, and restore all of your power, we might get a chance to participate."

Just then, another explosion rocked Naruto's battered house. "What is it _this _time?"

* * *

"Baa-chan… was it _really_ necessary to bombard my house with a wad of _two thousand_ paper bombs? And why is Shikamaru here?"

"If it got you out of your batcave, I'd use nine thousand and one paper bombs."

"Why nine thousand and one bombs, baa-chan?"

Josh snorted and crossed his arms. "BECAUSE IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!"

"Exactly. In any case, our scouts have reported that Hidan and Kakuzu of Akatsuki have once again reentered our jurisdiction. Your orders are to take a squad and capture them if possible, neutralize them otherwise."

"He won't need a squad with me here."

"Josh, that won't work. I got lucky with Kisame and Itachi. They didn't bring any subordinates along. Not to mention the fact that they're invincible and immortal to a certain degree. Well, Hidan is, at any rate."

"Huh… immortal and invincible, you say? This I gotta see."

"You're not going without me!"

Naruto looked over at Shikamaru. "I understand your frustration, Shikamaru. But those two have likely been enhanced with-"

"I don't care, as troublesome as it is. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and it's been four years in a frozen hell for me. If you don't let me go, I'll go rogue and follow you anyway."

"What the fuck is with all my top ninja threatening to go rouge on me all of a sudden? What did I do?"

"You were yourself. But I'll need more then just a squad. From what Kyuubi has shown me and from my fights with them-"

"Hang on, you've fought them!?" Tsunade interrupted.

"Well, yeah. They're currently assigned to track me down. Kisame, Itachi, Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, Madara, Pain, and Konan are all on my tail right now. Bee's safe for the moment, but he's being actively hunted by Zetsu. Lucky he went into hiding. Bee's tough as a bucket of hangnails and five times as painful, but he would have been overwhelmed. However, Kisame is dead, thanks to Josh and his C12, Itachi is missing, Deidara, Madara, A.K.A. Tobi, Pain, and Konan are busy with something else right now, so that just leaves Hidan and Kakuzu at the moment."

"That's not too bad."

The blond pulled out ramen, then checked the action and put it away. "In theory, it shouldn't be. However, as Josh found out, Kisame was augmented with the Sanbi, the three-tailed turtle, which upgraded his defense to the point where all a Rasengan could do was make him fly. With the possible exception of Itachi and Zetsu, all of Akatsuki has been enhanced with one of the Bijuu."

"This wasn't in your report, Gaki."

Naruto grinned widely. "Of course not! Do you want me to induce widespread panic by stating that Akatsuki is even more invincible to the average ninja then before?"

"On second thought, a wise move on your part."

"Naruto? A wise move? Remind me to boost my shields to max before I leave this place."

"Is it really that bad?"

Josh sucked in a breath. "You have no idea. Last time Naruto had a wise move or smart idea, the moment I stepped outside, I got flattened by an asteroid."

* * *

"Well," Naruto said as they left the Hokage's office, the sky strangely devoid of flying space debris, "She didn't have to bomb my house for _that_… Hiashi is not going to be pleased that most of his front wall was leveled…"

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?"

"Maybe… anyway, we need to head back to the house, make a few plans and… why are you looking at me all funny like that?"

"Checkmate, Naruto. You might want to look ahead."

"Wha… Well, fucknuts."

While they had been talking, the two had walked into the biggest crowd of fangirls that Konoha had ever managed, which had closed the gap and now surrounded them on all sides.

"Is that your new catchline?"

"This is not the time for words… this is a time…"

"Yeah, I know." The swordsman pulled out his rifle, ejected the clip, let the round loose from the chamber, and fitted a custom one in. "This is a time… FOR RUNNING AWAY!"

Before the fangirls could do much more then blink, Josh had emptied the clip and both of them had disappeared in a flash, the brunette much less elegantly then his partner, his slipstream sending dozens crashing into nearby buildings.

* * *

"Is everyone here?"

"Just about. Still waiting on two people."

"Jesus, Naruto. You would think that we were going to war with this many people. I mean, wars have been settled with less guardians then this."

Naruto shook his head. "They're not guardians. And they know our primary weakness. Hidan and Kakuzu are both bijuu-enhanced, and I don't want to come up short like I did last time and nearly get speared by both of them."

Just then, Kakashi and Yamato shunshined in with a poof of smoke, the former reading a well-thumbed copy of Icha Icha Paradise. "Yo, Naruto."

"Kakashi-sensei. Yamato-taicho."

"Uh. I was never your captain…"

"Kyuubi said you commanded Team 7 for a while. That's good enough. Anyway, on to our battle plan. Josh?"

"Right. Now, Naruto and I have come up with something that will hopefully lower our chances for casualties. We'll travel as one squad toward the last known location of our target. Hopefully, they haven't gone too far, though if they've been enhanced, I'm not sure. Anyway, when we get to a certain area, we'll continue on foot and split into two squads."

Shikamaru tried raised his hand casually, but it was stiff with anticipation with revenge. "And those are…"

"I'm getting to it; I'm getting to it… keep your hair on. Alright. Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Yamato, Pink-Haired Banshee, Lee, Neji. You're with me. Sai, Kakashi, Shizune, Gai, Hinata, Kiba, and Tenten are with Naruto. The idiot and I are to engage Kakuzu and Hidan directly, respectively. UNDER NO CIRUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO ENGAGE THOSE TWO IN SINGLE COMBAT. You would be absolutely destroyed, and I hate the paperwork after deaths. Your objective is to deal with their subordinates, which I might add, are all Jonin-ranked and above. Do not take them lightly, or you will die. Normally, I would take them all out, but since they have bijuu temporarily sealed, destroying their bodies violently without extracting the bijuu could cause them to escape, and I really don't feel like dealing with that right now. If it is possible, we will capture them, as per your Hokage's orders, but I see the chances of that to be about one in ten thousand at best."

"That… was a mouthful." Ino said, still slightly dizzy after trying to follow all of that.

"That's what she said!"

"Shut up, Naruto. I'm not finished yet. To get to the edge of fire country, we'll be taking a transport jet. Roughly twenty miles from the edge, we'll disembark and proceed on foot. Your short-range radios can interface with mine, but I'll be broadcasting live from my end. If the fight goes really badly, which I doubt, break off and return to Konoha. Drop everything and run. Live to fight another day. Naruto… blood, if you please."

The blond scowled and pulled out a dead chicken. "I'm sick of cutting myself when I don't need to. Use this blood."

Josh sighed and took off his helmet, rubbing his eyes, yelping when his energy shield nearly erased his corneas. "I need _your_ blood, Naruto. Since there are so many of us, we'll have to take the pair, and you have to unlock yours. Now… if you please?"

"No."

Faster then anyone could tell, Josh drew his sword, cut a neat line across the blond's chest, caught a few drops of blood on his finger, and wiped them on one of the two metallic plates on the ground. A split second later, some more blood joined the first as Josh added his own.

He didn't sheath his sword, instead, while twirling the blood-stained blade, he chanted several unrecgonizable words and stabbed both plates in turn.

What happened next was not your average summoning.

Instead of a puff of smoke or beam of light, as one would expect with a traditional or guardian summoning, the area surrounding the two plates blurred slightly, but nothing else happened.

"Goddamnit, Jabba. You would think that _one_ of your expiremental devices would work. Naruto, I need more blood."

Hinata leaned over the fallen blond. "Ano… Josh-sa-"

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT HONORIFICS!?"

"Ano… Hai. Ano… Naruto-kun's not moving."

"Hmm… this could be a problem. Now where's my biofoam…"

As Josh fumbled around on his belt for the can of life, the Ex-Hyuga Heiress flipped her crush over and began applying medical ninjutsu, hands glowing green in an attempt to stop the blond's bleeding.

"GODDAMNIT, JOSH! I'M NOT IMMORTAL RIGHT NOW, YOU JACKASS! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"Well, it looks like he did survive. Ah, shit. Now he's going to get pissed at me. Hey, Hinata. Get some of the blood, will ya? Here's a bucket."

"Josh… I'm warning you…"

"Fine… Fine… we'll take the one jet. Huh… I seem to be out of Biofoam…"

"JOSH!"

"Alright… alright. Man… can't even take a joke…"

* * *

"_Alright, people. If you'll move to the rear of the plane, you'll find some backpacks. Put them on and stand next to the door._"

"There aren't enough, Josh. What do I do?"

"_You don't need one. Just do what you always do for a jump. Now go stand with the rest._"

Naruto did obligingly, watching as everyone else strapped themselves to a backpack, thinking all the while, _what the hell do I do for a jump again?_ "_Listen up. When you get the signal, count to ten and pull the red handle. Can everyone find a red handle? Good. Now, on my signal… Three… Two… One…_"

"Hey, Naruto! What's the signal?"

"I don't really remember, Shikamaruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

With a sudden rush of air, the plate of metal they were standing on retracted and the Konoha eleven and then some fell out of the back of a transport jet going at three hundred miles an hour and at thirty thousand feet. Not exactly stealthy, but humans tended to never look up.

"PULL THE HANDLE! IT'S BEEN TEN SECONDS! WAIT TOO LONG AND YOU'LL BE PASTE ON THE GROUND! PULL NOW, DAMNIT!"

The average civilian would have continued screaming, but the Shinobi knew better and pulled the handles, deploying their parachutes and slowing their freefall to a survivable speed… that is, if they reinforced their limbs with chakra.

"Hang on, where's Naruto!? He didn't have a parachute!"

"Aww, Ino… were you worried about me?"

Everyone whipped around to see Naruto floating down with them, arms folded across his chest. "How-"

"How am I doing this? Simple. Josh gave me a small tank of Guardian Energy before we took off. I'm channeling that through my feet to augment my own supplies of chakra and I'm using that to descend slowly."

"Well, why couldn't we do that?"

The blond raised an eyebrow. "I'm using the equivalent of roughly two dozen Rasengan per second to slow my descent to your level. If you want to try that output for the next fourteen minutes, be my guest."

Just then, a hail of kunai soared up, launched by something, streaking toward their parachutes. "SCATTER! YOUR PACKS DON'T HAVE A BACKUP! IF YOUR CANOPY IS PUNCTURED, YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"

As the parachuting ninja scattered, Naruto pulled out his sword and started deflecting the oncoming kunai, knocking them away with flicks of the wrist. Everyone else pulled out shuriken and their own kunai, knocking away what they could.

Lee had taken off his leg weights, snapping them into a rod and twirling that like a helicopter rotor, knocking away numerous kunai. However, due to the speed of rotation, he couldn't control where they were going, and a stray deflected kunai was knocked straight through Hinata's canopy, causing it to instantly deflate and for her to start tumbling toward her death against the unforgiving ground below.

"HINATA!"

With a snarl and a sudden change of direction, Naruto twisted and dove straight down, adding bursts of chakra to increase his speed, deflecting kunai all the while speeding toward the falling girl.

With an upwards swooping action, he caught Hinata bridal-style and ejected large bursts of chakra to restabilize his flight, cutting off the parachute with one deft cut.

"Naruto-kun, watch out!"

"Wha-"

Faster then she would have believe possible, a dozen kunai hit the blond, digging their way several inches into his flesh, causing him to grit his teeth in pain, but not stopping their descent.

"Josh, you there?"

"_Reading you loud and clear. Your bio-monitors said that you were hit. Need help?_"

"Not me. Though a little close support would be appreciated. They're firing ack-ack at the parachutes."

There was a brief silence, then the swordsman came back onto the radio. "_Alright, I got it. Tell them to continue and not to shit their pants. I'm going in with the fighter._"

"I'm going down though. Fifteen seconds."

"_Are you out of energy already?_"

"No, but the dozen knives digging into my back is very painful."

"_Ah… understood._"

As Naruto snapped off the radio, a blackish-bluish streak blazed past all of them, then pulled up just as quickly, disappearing from sight.

Two seconds later, the forest below them ignited in six fireballs as the bombs that Josh dropped went off, toasting the attackers and several acres of forest as well.

The blond clenched his jaw as he hit the ground, put Hinata down, and reached over his back to pull the Kunai out.

"Wait, Naruto-kun. You'll hurt yourself by doing that. Let me do it."

The jonin obliged, laying down and grimacing as the knives were removed one by one, the blue-haired girl healing them as soon as she removed them.

"Are you alright, Naruto?"

Kakashi had landed along with the others. They rushed over just as Hinata removed the last of the kunai and healed him up.

"I'm fine. Where's-"

Josh stood at the edge of the clearing he had made, loading his rifle and drawing his sword.

"Come. The hunt begins now…"

* * *

Author's Note.

Yo.

I'm back after a few months.

Sorry about the delay, but school is really clamping down.

However, on a better note, i have found my muse again. She was hiding among some music, but i dragged her out.

So expect a new chapter of Orange Lightning in two weeks.

I also have two more stories in the pipeline, which will give me a total of 4 pieces.

Now, as to this piece, i would we're about 1/3 the way though the first one, but there are two more, so fret not.

That's about it for now.

Until next time, my loyal minions!

Xingster

Ja ne.

P.S. Here's a small omake for the wait. This is what could have happened if Naruto had a bit more power and it's from the siege on Naruto's house.

Ja ne.

OMAKE

Hiashi was thinking deeply in his courtyard, contemplating about what to do with his blond neighbor, when all of a sudden, the pond that had been meticulously created for just this purpose exploded in his face.

* * *

Tsunade had just finished all the paperwork, swung by the destroyed council chambers for a quick laugh, and then was just about to enter one of the only casinos left in Konoha when something penetrated the glass front doors.

Two milliseconds and a muttered curse later, the establishment was a fireball, and the Godaime Hokage was dodging shards of glass, metal, and brick.

* * *

Twas the day after Christmas, when all throughout the village, nothing could stir. Not even a mouse.

Well, that was because there wasn't much left of the village but rubble.

Choji bemoaned his favorite barbeque restaurant, destroyed when one of the bullets lit the supply of charcoal they kept in the back.

Ino and Inoichi were watering their burnt flowers.

Shikamaru laid back and watch smoke join his cloud friends up high in the sky.

Kakashi stared at the bookshop, destroyed when Josh had thrown a spent clip through the window, causing the contents to spontaneously combust.

The said swordsman was still unloading clip after clip into the wall, hoping to get his point across. To this day, we still don't know if he succeeded or not.


	21. Chapter 20

I dont own Naruto. I do own... well, pretty much nothing.

And as said below, please review!? I got two on the last chapter.

Chapter XX: Zombie Combo vs Squad Lightning

Josh leaned back behind the rock, slid out the clip, reloaded, and resumed firing.

The first lesson in officer training.

Never underestimate your enemy. It costs lives in the field.

The swordsman had underestimated the enemy forces and promptly led his squad right into an ambush. No problem for him normally, but someone had been making upgrades.

The first kunai to hit him had drained a quarter of his shield.

A movement in his peripheral vision caused him to twist, fire off two bursts, and dropped two shinobi in their paths. There was no end to them. Without the element of surprise, as he had with Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu had been much harder to pinpoint and eliminate. The two were constantly flaring their demonic chakra signatures, which were overloading and jamming his sensors.

Thanks to the fact that his mind was shielded by his helmet, Josh couldn't locate where they were, and he was _not_ about to take off his armor in the middle of a war zone, immortal or not.

As he mulled these things over, a burst of flame, followed by ultra-tight jets of water hit his cover, causing the huge rock to be reduced to hundreds of fragments of shrapnel that pinged off his armor, but more importantly, also exposed him to their onslaught.

"Fuck this shit. Everyone! Hold them off! I'll cut a path through them and engage Hidan! Once he's dead, they should stop coming like this!"

Josh leapt backward, twisted in midair, slotted his rifle and drew his sword, hit the ground, and charged into the swarm, decapitating shinobi as they tried to hit him. _Naruto… you had better be doing better._

* * *

Naruto ducked behind a tree, formed two hundred Kage Bunshin, and charged with the rest of them, Haraishining around and taking out ninja. However, the Haraishin was not as invulnerable as it once was, and considering the stresses that teleportation put on the body, it took little more then a gust of wind to dispel them.

As the blond retreated again, he noticed several bubbles floating toward them, then paled. "Get down!"

Too late. The bubble exploded in a multi-colored and multi-elemental explosion, taking out a good chunk of the forest and most of the attacking ninja.

"Kakuzu… what the hell. You have the Rokubi?"

"Correct, Kyuubi. Now, come quietly, and I won't have to destroy everything…"

"Like you could! Initial Guardian Art-"

The ancient Akatsuki member flashed through several seals, and blew bubbles out of his mouth at the furiously signing jonin.

"Katon: Phoenix Flame!"

The lance of flame shot right through the bubbles, seemingly deflecting off them until Kakuzu deflected them with one hand, the resulting explosion taking out another huge chunk of forest.

"Is that all? Pathetic."

"That's nowhere near all! Hinata! Tenten! Shizune! NOW!"

The three nodded and unrolled several pre-prepared scrolls, wiped some blood on them, and launched several score of marked kunai at the Akatsuki member.

"You may be able to take out my Kage Bunshin… but-"

Naruto phased out of existence and reappeared briefly to sight as he flashed between the seals.

"Can you deal with the real me?"

"Wha-"

"RASENGAN!"

The energy sphere collided with the Akatsuki member's back, launching him into the air. "I'M NOT DONE YET!"

The blond drew his sword, formed several dozen Kage Bunshin, and kicked off the ground, sword glowing slightly, his clones trailing behind, Rasengans of all sorts brightening the night sky with a multicolored light show.

"INITIAL GUARDIAN ART! HUNDRED MOONBEAM SEAL!"

"Too slow!"

Kakuzu easily blocked the first hit with his hardened arm, but Naruto just grinned. "Oh, really? Try to stop this."

He disappeared and reappeared behind the missing-nin, giving another lightning-fast blow, which was too blocked. "Is that all you've got?"

Naruto didn't reply. He didn't need to. In the space of five seconds and ninety-eight more blows, Kakuzu was sealed up more tightly then a chick in an egg, struggling against the Guardian bonds that held him tightly.

"I WASN'T TRYING TO CUT YOU! THE SEAL WILL HOLD YOU IN PLACE FOR NOW! FUTON: RASENSHURIKEN!"

"RAITON: YAJIRUSHIPIASU!"

"KATON: KUSSAKUSAI!"

"DOTON: HASAITEKKO!"

"SUITON: DEKISHIDOKU!"

The resulting explosion lit up the night sky, but Naruto wasn't done yet. He charged back into the melee, this time aiming to take off Kakuzu's head.

No such luck. Kakuzu ripped through the seal in a show of brute strength, caught the jonin's sword with one hand, and sent him careening back toward the ground, sword flying in the opposite direction.

"You fool… do you really think that such petty tricks will work on me? Madara has told us of your powers and how to counter them… Shame that I can't collect the bounty on your head right now… I've heard that the Sandaime Tsuchikage had fifty million on your head… but your bijuu counts for more. Maybe they'll let me have the body?"

The said ninja spat out a mouthful of blood and drew his chakra blade. "Go to hell!" he snarled as he jumped back up and attacked the aged warrior.

* * *

"YAAAHHH! JASHIN-SAMA WILL BE MOST PLEASED WITH YOUR SACRIFICE!"

_Either this guy's a lunatic, or he really follows Jashin. I really don't know how anyone could follow that retard, but I guess his religious choices are up to him… man, I hate religious nutcases…_

"Jashin, huh? Crazed bloodsoaked bastard last time I saw him. Don't know what you see in the guy, but I guess that's up to you."

"JASHIN-SAMA WILL SMITE YOU-"

The swordsman snorted as he blocked the scythe again with his sword. "If we were going to be smite, it would have happened a long time ago. Kami was _not_ pleased when Naruto pulled down her dress and mooned everyone… who the hell knew she was kinky to the point where she doesn't wear panties!?"

For once, Hidan was left speechless, but this didn't stop him from attacking any less recklessly with his scythe. The scythe had been imbued with the same capabilities as the kunai thrown at him earlier, so any hit on him would drain his shield. He didn't put it past them to have enhanced the weapon with anti-armor capabilities either. Strangely, the few times his armor had been breached, it had not been by missile or explosion, but by the sword or axe of antiquity.

He was especially wary of the fact that there was a very remote possibility that this weapon had been blessed by the gods, in which case it would cut through his last line of defense against energy and weapons, the guardian sheathe, like a hot knife though butter. This would also make it an anti-guardian weapon, since it would attacked the source of guardian power and immortality, the soul.

"HAH! GOT YOU!"

"SHIT!"

With his momentary lapse into thought, Hidan got under Josh's guard and took a vicious swipe at the guardian, collapsing the energy shield, cutting a swath out of the armor's breastplate, and a narrow line across his chest, and splattering blood across the ground.

"HA! BLOOD!"

"Ah… fudgepops."

* * *

Meanwhile, Naruto wasn't having much more luck with Kakuzu.

The Rokubi's ability to spew bubbles fused with Kakuzu's five elemental types was causing major trouble for Naruto. Not to mention the fact that Kyuubi was still sealed; and the tank of Guardian Energy given to him by Josh was rapidly dwindling.

Every time Naruto launched a elemental attack of any kind, it would proceed to bounce around like a pinball in a pinball machine until it reached Kakuzu, who would deflect it with ease. And if he tried an elementally neutral jutsu, like Rasengan, the bubbles would explode, taking out several Kage Bunshin with it.

"Are you done yet?" Kakuzu said, looking bored.

"I'm _never_ done. SAI! KAKASHI! NOW!"

There had been a contingency plan explained on the flight for all of the potential Akatsuki members and their possible bijuu pairings. There was a strong chance for Kakuzu and the Rokubi, since the bubbles would allow him to disperse his attack in the same fashion as the Phoenix Spark did, creating a nearly impenetrable minefield.

In this case… you know what, why don't I just show you what happens.

"Ninpou: Choju Giga."

A flock of birds emerged from Sai's scroll and divebombed toward the minefield of bubbles.

"That won't work on-"

"Raiton: Raikiri!"

"What?"

As the ink animals hit the bubbles, they disintegrated, revealing kunai in the middle blazing with lightning.

"I knew that you could counter any attack from me, since you could see my moves. After all, the bubbles have to be detonated manually, right? So, a few kunai, a little ink, some ninja wire, and a Raikiri were all that were needed to pop the bubble. HERE I COME!"

Naruto concentrated, formed a Rasenshuriken, and threw it. "UZU! NOW! Raiton: Raikiri! Katon: Phoenix Flame!"

"… Ninpou: Forced Fusion…"

Uzu dropped out of the sky, grabbed the Raikiri and diverted the Phoenix Flame onto the Rasenshuriken, sealed rapidly, and fused the three into a glow nimbus of energy that was on a collision course with Kakuzu.

"EREMENTARUATO: KAMINARI MORETSU NA HARIKEN!"

"… and for those who don't speak the language, that translates roughly as 'Elemental Art: Lightning Firestorm Hurricane… Man… that's a mouthful."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID, UZU!"

If they had thought that the Rasenshuriken and the other second tier Elemental Rasengan were explosive, the hybrid technique was the equivalent of the Castle Bravo test explosion, exceeding all their previous estimates.

"Boom, Sucker."

The resulting explosion sucked the oxygen from the air, popping the bubbles, which added to the growing fireball. Had this been on the ground, it would have flattened the forest for several square miles and likely gotten everyone else killed. As it was, the shockwave was enough to knock over several acres of old-growth forest and sent the blond tumbling though the air, struggling to regain control.

"Gotcha."

* * *

"Initial Guardian Art: Freezing Flame Blade!"

"YAAHH!"

_Jesus… does this guy have an off switch? I swear he's worse then Naruto high on crack. But I have to stop him from drawing that circle, or I'm in for a world of pain…_

The sword bounced off the scythe, jarring his hand even though his gauntlets. "Figures. Guardian attacks don't work too well on blessed weapons, now do they?"

Hidan stabbed himself again, trying to draw the circle. "Not on my watch, you pincushion!"

Josh punched the earth, sending cracks scurrying across the ground toward the nearly completed circle, disassembling it again. "You'll have to move faster than that!" he yelled, charging the religious fanatic.

As the two clashed repeatedly, the rest of Josh's team was being slowly pushed back, away from the said guardian, and toward a deep ravine, explosions and falling trees marking their retreat.

The swordsman jumped out the way of a swipe that would have taken his leg off had it been allowed to connect, and countered with a pre-cooked grenade, which exploded and did absolutely nothing to Hidan in terms of slowing him down.

"Screw this." He traced two fingers down the length of the sword, muttering as he went. "Sacred Guardian Art: Blade of Two Flames! Blade Number One: Phoenix Flame! Blade Number Two: Dragon Flame!"

The silver-haired Akatsuki smirked and twirled his scythe, deflecting the flaming X with barely a glance. "JASHIN-SAM-"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT JASHIN? I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR YELLING! YOU WANT A FIGHT? I'LL GIVE YOU ONE! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH A BLESSED WEAPON!"

Josh threw his sword away; the blade lodging itself several inches inside of a nearby cliff face. "I normally wouldn't pull him out to fight a weakling like you, but that scythe and mouth of yours are really pissing me off!"

Hidan didn't respond, instead, he was busy tracing the circle that would link the two of them. "Too slow, dumbass!"

The brunette ripped a hammer off his helmet, twirled it into the air, chanting all the while. "From Thunder Hammer, to Lightning Blade, I call upon thee, MJOLINR NEO!"

With a huge flash of light and the cracking of thunder, the hammer lengthened, the head melting onto the length, turning into a sliver sword, which then fell into Josh's gauntleted fist, fitting smoothly into his palm.

However, contrary to what the silver swordsman had said, Hidan had already completed the circle and was now proceeding to bring the scythe into his liver, kidneys, and lungs.

Now, don't get me wrong. Guardians are immortal and are nigh on impossible to kill, save the destruction of their soul, exposure, starvation due to their ultra-high metabolism, or the complete and utter vaporization of their body, but that's not to say that they didn't feel pain.

Josh collapsed, overwhelmed at having several of his internal organs heavily damaged at the same time. He was accustomed to pain, but only one organ at a time. Having one's liver, kidney, and lung shredded is not something that any person should get used to, even if they were immortal and wielded a very temperamental weapon which would give him the unexpected lightning bolt, despite the fact that the said weapon had chosen him to be its wielder.

"Damn it… You got me."

"YAAAH!"

"SAY SOMETHING ELSE, GODDAMNIT!"

"JASHIN-SAMA WILL SMITE YOU!"

"Kage Mane no Jutsu!"

The two combatants turned to see the young Nara crouching, forming the trapping seal. One arm seemed to be held up by the other, and blood trickled down his face, but he was quite steady. "Josh, if you're going to do something, do it now!"

Josh groaned as he picked himself and Mjolinr Neo off of the ground. "That's my line, Goddamnit! Just hold him there."

"Well, hurry up! He's breaking the hold!"

"I'm on it, I'm on it. Keep your fruit hair on!" He staggered to his feet, coughed up blood, which landed all over his visor. Great, now, on top of the pain and bloodloss, he couldn't see worth crap.

"Sacred Guardian Art: Thunder Fist!"

With a huge crack and several blinding lightning flashes, Hidan's head was removed from his shoulders, flying and landing with a sickening crunching splat several dozen feet away.

"Damn… Naruto wasn't kidding when he said that they were tough… fucking jashinist… every single time I fight one of them I come out on the rough side. Ah well. It looks like Naruto is still fighting."

Shikamaru relaxed his pose, sore from trying to hold down the powerful shinobi. "I should have killed him…"

"And why, pray tell? And how, for that matter. It took a Thunder Fist to knock his head off. Whichever bijuu he had really increased his speed, so it was hard for me to get a clean hit in."

"He killed my sensei…"

Josh sighed, popped off his helmet, spat out some more blood, wiped down the visor, and leaned back into a tree. "I don't know what to tell you, kid. It's always a sad day when a mentor dies… I've only had to go though that once. Sorry for your loss… If it makes you feel better, there's still the off chance that he's still alive. Go and stab his face in if it makes you feel any better."

"Yeah, thanks. I think I will."

As Shikamaru went over, kunai in hand, Josh put on a headset, spun the gadget active, and took a quick bio-scan of himself. The results were not pretty.

His left Kidney had been completely destroyed, the left lobe of his liver shredded, and his left lung was collapsed. Well, one war at a time.

Josh shifted just enough to pull out a small patch, which he fit over the wound in his armor, directly above his left lung. With a squelching noise, it magnetically bound itself to the alloy, dropping after that and fusing with his skin and organs, sealing off the wound and allowing for the next part of his treatment.

After taking several deep breaths to hyper-oxygenate his blood, he put a small tube to his mouth, turned on the vacuum, and proceeded to extract all of the blood, along with years of ash and tar residue out of his lungs, blocking off the waste compartment, and reinflating his deflated lung. It wouldn't be working well for a while, but it was better then walking around with a sack of blood in your chest.

"All right. The liver and kidney can wait. Just to make sure that that Jashinist bastard is really dead, take out his minions, then over to Naruto."

As he stood back up, Shikamaru went flying backwards and into a tree, which snapped in half under the force. "He's _still alive_!" the Jonin called.

Josh snorted, slotted on his helmet, and stood up shakily. "Well, you don't say." He said dryly.

The guardian had seen many bizarre things in his numerous years. People coming back from the dead was not entirely new to him. People getting limbs ripped off certainly weren't. But a beheaded guy searching around for his head on the ground was certainly up there among the strangest things he had ever seen.

"Round up the others and tell them to get the fuck out of dodge."

Shikamaru wiped a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. "You'll get killed."

Josh opened up two unseen fins in his armor, dumping excess heat. "Psh. I wish I could get killed. Then I wouldn't have to go though all this shit constantly."

The fruit-haired man nodded and leapt away, shooting back a questioning look. "Great. Another suicidal leader who wants to go at it alone. I thought Naruto was bad enough."

"Great. Someone else with a brain. Could be useful, but also dangerous should he gain any power. First thing's first, though. Gotta get rid of that Jashinist Bastard."

As he twirled the sword back into its hammer form, restoring forty percent of the weapon's power, Hidan found his head at last and reattached it, restoring use of his lungs. "YOU BASTARD!"

"Well," Josh said to himself, extending the hammer and resting it upon his shoulder, "At least he's stopped yelling about Jash-"

"JASHIN-SAMA WILL SMITE YOU!"

"GODDAMNIT! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

* * *

Naruto smacked his way though two dozen trees, a stream, several raspberry bushes, and finally landing in a cave with a bear. After leaving behind a gift of ramen, he shot back out of the cave, looking up at the sky.

The residue from his last attack still hung in the sky like a low cloud, spreading and thinning slowly. "Naruto to Hinata. Any movement in the cloud?"

Nothing came back. Well, unless you count a grating static as something coming back.

"Looking for me?"

"Wha-"

Before he could get any more out, Kakuzu backhanded Naruto so hard that the blond was once again sent flying through multiple sets of trees, stripping them of bark, branches, leaves, and squirrels as he bashed his way through them.

Using another concentrated series of bursts, as well as the last of the Guardian Energy that Josh had give him, the Jonin leveled out his flight, twirled, and kicked off a tree back toward Kakuzu.

"YOU BASTARD! WHA-"

The Akatsuki member didn't even give him a chance to finish yelling, as he sent the blond flying again with another spinning kick, this time landing in the middle of a lake.

After making sure that all of his teeth were still intact after that faceplant, Naruto staggered to his feet, sinking a little in the water. "He's fast… The Rokubi wasn't this fast… unless he's learned to-"

"Boost our movements? Yes…"

The blond spat out another mouthful of blood, wincing at his cracked ribs. "That's gonna leave a mark I'm gonna feel in the morning."

"You'll be dead by the morning." And with that last piece of banter, Kakuzu phased out of sight again, this time knocking Naruto several hundred feet in the air. Now, had Kyuubi still been able to help him, dodging these attacks would have been child's play. At the very least, he could block them. But in his exhausted and wounded state, he was at the ancient shinobi's mercy.

Unfortunately for him, Kakuzu had never bothered to learn the point and terms of "Mercy".

After having his spine cracked in four places, both lungs punctured, his femur broken, and accumulating several dozen more small stab wounds, Kakuzu kicked him back into the lake from a hundred feet up, sending a wave several feet high streaming water across the shores.

"Well, if he comes up, I'll tell Pain that I killed him by accident. Shouldn't be too hard to sell…"

* * *

Naruto would have been screaming in pain right now, but to take more liquid into his lungs in addition to the blood already there was completely out of the question. _Great. I'm outclassed, outgunned, and outmatched. What can I do…_

Despite having a reputation for being an idiot, the Uzumaki Heir was not stupid by any stretch of the imagination. In terms of reactive combat, you would be hard-pressed to find a better person. However, you would be better off with the average warthog for analysis and troubleshooting of plans.

_Well, if it comes down to this…_

Naruto pulled a small vial from his equipment pouch. Surprisingly, despite all that it had gone through, the glass was still completely intact. Not so much as a scratch or ding on it.

He grasped it tightly, thinking back.

* * *

_Flashback:_

_Josh stood stoically at the gates, staring out at the rapidly setting sun. One of them had always been early to the mission, thinking if it might be their last. Usually, it was Naruto, but since he hadn't remembered the tradition, Josh had taken up the mantle. _

"_You're here early."_

_The Armored Guardian sighed and shook off his helmet. "I've been thinking."_

"_Oh boy…"_

"_I'm serious, Naruto. If these people are Bijuu-Enhanced, then this mission just got a thousand times more dangerous. I'm considering going at it on my own."_

"_You would never make it."_

_The swordsman sighed. "Naruto, I'm a member of The Ten, the ninth youngest Sacred Guardian ever, and on top of that, I've got nearly three thousand years of combat experience. What could they do?"_

_The blond didn't reply at first, preferring to heat up water and make a bowl of ramen, a habit that he had picked up after getting the first fragment of his memory back. After downing half the bowl, he threw it away, causing a nearby Chunin to scream at the unexpected downpour of excessively hot broth. _

"_Well? Anything?"_

_Naruto looked out at the sunset as well. So pretty… the last vestiges of light fading below the horizon. "It's just that they know exactly how to counter everything that I could do. I didn't know it at the time, but now that I look back at it, they were countering my Demonic Chakra with Guardian Energy. How the hell they got it, I have no idea. Probably the same guy who set them on this wild goose chase. Chances are they'll know how to counter your techniques. Add in the fact that they know you wield a gun, energy shield, and explosives, it wouldn't be hard to have close-in people."_

"_I have a __**SWORD**__, you know."_

"_And they have strength in numbers. You would be simply overrun."_

_Josh shook his head. "It's still too risky for you guys. If I fall, my armor sends out a beacon that lets GHQ know where I am and how I died. Reinforcements would be here within days."_

"_I am __**NOT**__ about to let one of my friends die if I can help it."_

"_You do realize that even under the best of circumstances, one or two of the team in the original plan will be paralyzed for life?"_

_Naruto bit his lip. "I cannot believe that I'm about to say this, but I'm doing this for the greater good of the rest of my friends."_

"_Sorry about this in advance."_

"_Wha-"_

"_BITCHSLAP NO JUTSU!"_

_The resulting smack sent the jonin cartwheeling into the nearby entrance checkpoint, completely destroying the small shack._

"_That's the oldest ninja line in the book, you know."_

"_I see you've gotten better with Kawarimi…"_

"_Had to, once I lost my memories and Guardian Sheath."_

"_All right. We'll go with the original plan. But here, I want you to have this."_

_Josh palmed something into Naruto's hand. "All right, what the hell is this?"_

"_Memory vial. Grabbed it off Fishman before I detonated my C-12. I've done an analysis, and it's yours. Fuse it, and you should have powers back up to your fourth tier."_

"_How do I know it's mine? And why don't I just use it now?"_

_The guardian sighed. "Cuz I've never had to restore someone's memory like this before. Sure, I've removed memory blocks from inside someone's head, but I've only ever read about something like this. If it were up to me, I would put you in a stasis chamber and run it from there, but there isn't enough time for that. Know the theory well enough though. Put it on the pressure point on the back of your neck and push. If the memory is truly yours, then the vial will break and your memory will be restored. If it's not, then it'll just slip off. And as for how I know that it's yours… well, let's just say that I've seen enough ramen to last me for a lifetime."_

_End Flashback._

* * *

Naruto closed his fist around the vial. He would have taken a deep breath, but being fifty feet underwater tends to discourage that. _Well, here goes nothing._ He thought, and slammed the vial against his neck.

Nothing happened for a few seconds.

Then the pain came. Mind-numbing pain, Pain, if he were above water, would have been described as someone pouring liquid fire into his veins and topping it off with napalm on his skin.

Since he was chilled to the bone and Napalm doesn't burn so well under pressurized water, it would be more appropriate to describe the pain as someone pouring hot ramen soup into your veins and serving you to a hungry Naruto, who then proceeded to take large chunks out of your flesh, chewing slowly before going back in for another bite.

Perhaps I have gone too far with the pain, and we should return to the scene as seen from Kakuzu.

* * *

The second-oldest Akatsuki member sat at the edge of the lake, calmly counting his money that he had gotten from his last bounty. Nothing quite like passing the time with finances as he waited for his prey to resurface.

And what a resurfacing it was.

Naruto twisted out of the water like a orange dolphin, spinning through the air and landing light as a leaf on the surface of the water.

"I see you decided not to take my advice."

The blond waved this off. "In your dreams, string cheese."

Kakuzu tried to phase out again, but Naruto blocked the kick. "I know your fighting style… tell me, was it Hermes that put you up to this? Or maybe Mercury? Or was it Death's Bastard Cousin, Thanatos? Or one of their underlings?"

"Fool…"

"Yes, I pity them. And you're about to get a funeral."

With a twist, windup, and a throw, Kakuzu went flying.

Naruto assumed a strange position, and Josh did a variant some distance away. Mind synching really helps sometimes.

"You know." They both said at the same time, voices becoming intermingled as their energy levels spiked. "I really hate bastards like you."

Naruto raised his right hand, made half a ram seal, grasped his forearm with his left hand, and chanted, along with Josh. "_By the power granted to me, I call upon thee… INITIAL HOLY GUARDIAN!_"

Both of them disappeared in blinding flashes of light that made the detonation of the Lightning Firestorm Hurricane look like a sparkler compared to a nuclear explosion. Anyone who would have been looking directly at the time would have had the image burned into their retinas for the next couple of weeks.

As the light slowly faded, they dropped from their poses and drew weapons.

"What was that glorified light show?"

Naruto and Josh both grinned. While the taller of the two had his eyes hidden behind his helmet, anyone could have seen Naruto's eyes.

And anyone not familiar with Guardians would have freaked.

Naruto no longer had sky-blue eyes. Instead, his eyes were the purest of silver, glinting in the fading light and in amusement. "That, my dear dairy product, is the beginning of your end."

Over two fields, Hidan asked a less refined version of that question, as in "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WAS IT JASHIN-SAMA!? I TOLD YOU HE WOULD SMITE YOU!"

Josh grinned. "Oh, trust me. Jashin won't be able to save you from this. And-" he phased out of sight, only to reappear and kick Hidan plenty far away. "Believe me, that drunkard wouldn't want to mess with a very pissed me right now. Sure, he'll win, but I'll give him indigestion for the next four thousand years."

* * *

"INITIAL GUARDIAN ART: HYPER-BOTHER!"

"The hell?"

"BOTHER TIME!"

"THE HELL!?"

As Kakuzu was increasingly bombarded with enhanced Kage Bunshin, nerd-slapping and yelling into his ears, the real Naruto retreated, along with Uzu.

"Alright. This is our one chance to take him down."

"… you do realize that the Hyper-Bother technique is probably one of the weakest techniques in your arsenal, right?"

"Hey, it's keeping him down, right?"

"… Point. So, what are we going to do about him?"

"Well, thanks to my new memories, I've recovered a chunk of my techniques… do we have any tanked SGE left?"

"… Enough for a low-level fusion."

"Well, that's not going to be much good. I guess I'll just have to go with the Planetary Attack."

Pause.

Rewind.

The Planetary Attack is really is an overexaggerated misnomer.

It does not launch huge heavenly bodies at the target. To do so would require enough energy so as to be classified as a god or enough shaped antimatter to vaporize said god. Even Naruto at full power couldn't blast a planet out of orbit with sheer energy. Now, destroying the planet was a completely different prospect, and the two did that by accident on occasion.

No, what the attack really was is far more disappointing. It consisted of a single Initial Guardian Rasengan surrounded by five miniature Elemental Rasengans orbiting it. The resulting impact, while not only drilling the target, carved a set of elliptical grooves, furthering the damage done.

Ok, Play.

"-"

Naruto quickly formed an IG Rasengan, holding it up and focusing on it. "Damn… it's been a while. A little help, Uzu?"

"… All right."

Instead of moving over and forming the Rasengan on his boss's fingertips, as was the standard for the Planetary Attack, he formed his own five Rasengan and threw them into the air.

The original jumped up, slipped the rotating ring around his larger sphere, twisted around…

To see Kakuzu on the ground, waving a white flag, while the Kage Bunshin around yelled triumphantly.

Que massive facefault by both Naruto and Uzu.

"… why did we go though all of that again?"

Naruto got back up, laughing bitterly. "Who knows. Where's the rope?"

* * *

Josh knocked the scythe away with his hammer, going on the offensive and crushing two of Hidan's ribs. "Damn. You really are immortal."

"HAHA! THANKS TO JASHIN-SAMA, I WILL KILL YOU!"

He shook his head. "WHAT? I CAN'T _**HEAR **_YOU!"

And he really couldn't. Josh had taken steps to filter out Hidan's vocal frequency fifteen minutes into the fight. This meant that he could still hear everything but the silver-haired man and his religious yellings.

As the two immortals clashed, blessed hammer and scythe bouncing off each other constantly, the taller of the two began to build up a small charge in the back of his skull, directly behind his third eye point.

"Initial Guardian Art: Phased Lightning!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"

Josh spun the hammer and slotted it onto his back. "I may not have anywhere near as much energy as Naruto, but I've picked up a few things from him over the years."

"THAT'S IM-"

"Ah ah ah!" he said, shaking one finger, as one might at a misbehaving child. "Guardians never say the 'I' word. Anything is possible if you have enough guts, time, money, and high explosives."

"JASHIN-SAMA!"

"CANNOT HELP YOU NOW FOOL! EAT MY PHASED LIGHTNING!"

Josh put both of his hands together and focused, sending a huge bolt of the said lightning at Hidan. The resulting explosion, while not anywhere near as impressive as Naruto in his prime could have done with Orange Lightning, was still enough to rip a hole right through the Akatsuki's chest, taking an arm and a leg with it.

"Gotcha."

"YOU BASTARD! JASHIN-SAMA WILL-"

"You still don't get it, do you?" Josh said, shaking his helmeted head. "There's a reason that it's called Phased Lightning. That was the first phase."

"YOU MEAN-"

"QUIT SCREAMING, YOU JACKASS! Yes, there are more phases. In fact, here comes phase two, right now."

"BASTARD-"

"Phased Lightning: Phase Two!"

A second bolt of lightning shot from Josh's palms, skewering Hidan's other lung and tearing off his remaining limbs.

"HAHA! CAN'T TALK WITHOUT YOUR LUNGS, CAN YOU BITCH!?"

Hidan's stump torso tried to yell back, but it is rather hard for even an immortal to do that when your lungs are little more than giant holes and what's left is filled with blood. Of course, that didn't stop him from trying.

"And here's the kicker. I've got one more phase left. Don't say a word. You're finished." He drew Mjolnir Neo and leaned it against his shoulder. "Tell Jashin that I've got his scythe. And don't bother trying to get him to smite me. Remind him that I have Mjolnir to protect me. Any lightning that he sends down will be nullified. Have a nice day in hell. Phased Lightning… PHASE THREE!"

Instead of blasting from his hands, this blast emerged from the middle of his forehead. This was the third eyepoint for guardians. True, it _was_ the weakest of the three, but it was still plenty powerful for a high-powered lightning bolt to saw through flesh and bone. Hidan's head fell to the ground, blinking furiously at an attempt to blink the guardian to death.

"And you're out."

* * *

As Uzu tied down the last knot, Naruto returned with the last of his teammates. "That's it. Nobody's dead. A couple of broken arms and legs, but that's it. Nothing a quick healing jutsu or Senzu Bean can't fix. Where's Josh?"

"… Still over there somewhere. Hidan's energy is still around, though I can't say I'm surprised. The guy is _invincible_ after all."

"Less talking more working, Uzu. Get them out of here and onto Josh's jet. You _do_ know how to find it, right?"

"Yeah. It's somewhere over the rainbow. Once I get there, just follow the yellow brick road, right?"

Naruto facepalmed. "That's where I run from fangirls. Josh's jet is down a modified rabbit hole. Just look for barrel rolling rabbits. He's always leaving them lying around."

"…I see you've gotten more memory back."

"Yeah…" he said, clenching a fist. "And quite a bit of power, too. I hate to sound like I'm rushing you, but get them to the jet. If we don't make it, use your remaining power to go and get them back to Konoha. They should be safe there."

"… On it. What are you going to do?"

Naruto drew his sword and a half dozen kunai. "I'm gonna go give Josh some backup." He said, walking away into the forest.

"… Crazy man." Uzu observed as he carried Hinata and Kakashi away into the darkness, hoping to find a bunch of small mammals doing barrel rolls.

* * *

Author's Note:

Back. Told you it would be sooner!

Anyway, finally got my hands on Persona 4, so i'll be enjoying that on my trip to St. Louis on friday.

On another note, i have three pieces. Writer's block is setting in again, so i'll try to outflank it. These three will hopefully do so.

Hah...

Anyway, to the announcing part.

"Hidan and Kakuzu have been defeated! But what is the fate of Josh's team? What do they still have up thier sleaves? Find out next time, on Timeless, a Naruto Fanon!"

Well, until next time.

Xingster.

Ja ne.

P.S. Review, people. I got a grand total of two reviews for the last chapter. Bleah.


	22. Chapter 21

I own not Naruto.

Please read the A/N at the end. It contains information.

Chapter XXI: Bijuu vs Guardian

Josh leaned back against the tree and shook off his helmet, spitting out some more blood. "Damn… guy wasn't half bad after all."

At the rustling of leaves coming directly from his front, he raised his rifle, but dropped it when he saw Naruto charging out of the undergrowth. "You hanging in there?"

"Yeah… been pushing pencils more then swords in the last hundred years though. Uncle had the _brilliant_ idea of transferring me and my work to central. I finally got out of it six months ago, but I was about to go on my first reactivation mission when I got called here."

"Bijuu?"

"Idiot. First missions and first reactivation missions after more then a decade can't be bijuu-related. There's too much energy in one place, and it's generally a bad idea to piss them off if you've lost the ability to judge your own energy output. How's the sewing kit?"

"You mean the dairy man?" the blond chuckled, wincing at his cracked ribs. "He gave up after I used the Hyper-Bother on him."

"Can't say I blame the poor man… wait a second. That means…"

Naruto's grin could have lit a campfire. "Yep. Got my memory back. Initial Guardian is now in."

The swordsman sighed and closed his eyes for a few minutes. "That's good. Should make my life a lot easier. Now, let's burn the Jashinist and head for home. I never did get to eat my cow…"

As the blond pulled his friend to his feet and the two turned toward the remains of Hidan, a small trickle of chakra flowed from each of the severed limbs back to the destroyed torso. Josh, with his helmet off, didn't catch it as he covered the Akatsuki's head with napalm and lit it on fire.

* * *

"_Pre-flight checks complete. Naruto, how's the runway coming?_"

"No good. I'm too tired to dig up several hundred stumps and fill the holes in. Go VTOL."

"_Roger that. You're paying for the fuel though. Is your cord on tight?_"

"Five seconds… You're good. Try not to break the sound barrier before I get back inside. I happen to like my lungs the way they are right now."

"_That's a shame. And here I was, wanting to test out my new afterburners. Just get back inside the cargo bay. You have thirty seconds._"

"Hai, Hai. Naruto out."

He snapped off his radio, got up from the stubborn stump that had resisted his efforts to remove it for the last five minutes, and tightened his bungee cord just in time for Josh to pull up with his jet and fly back toward Konoha.

Unfortunately, things never go as planned with Naruto.

"_I'm getting a strange reading from the cargo bay. Mind checking it out?_"

"Do I have to?"

There came no reply except a sharp click indicating that the pilot had just shut down his radio. "Well, you don't have to get angry at me…" he muttered, palming the access hatch and watching as the door melted away, revealing Kakuzu struggling against his bindings.

"Hey, now. There's no point trying to get out of those things. I had to tie up Bee once, and this was the only thing that even partially worked. With your puny strength compared to his, unless you can manifest your bijuu, you're stuck there for a while… Wow, did I just sound smart there! SWEET!"

The ancient man didn't say anything. Then again, it is rather hard to speak when your mouth is tied up and you've got a gag to boot. But actions speak louder then words.

White chakra started leaking from every pore in his body, pooling and gathering around him, creating a silvery sheath that covered him from head to toe.

"Well, son of a bitch. Josh, you there?"

"_Reading you loud and clear, considering that you're about thirty feet away from me. Sit-rep?_"

"He's going bijuu. Kindly eject us both from the aircraft. I might need some help with this."

"_Oh, I've been waiting for this. I'll be back in ten, as soon as I get the others off and into a medical facility. Can you hold him off that long?_"

"I don't really have much of a choice, now do I? All right. On three."

"_THREE!_"

"JOSHYOUSONOFAMOTHERFU-"

Naruto did not get a chance to finish his statement as the bottom of the cargo bay fell out again, throwing them both from the moving aircraft, rapidly dropping out from behind it. Kakuzu let out a feral roar and exploded in a flash of light and energy burst, sending the blond tumbling and pulsing through the transport jet.

After using a couple more bursts from his points to stabilize his flight, he keyed his radio while the jet was still in range. "Josh, anything wrong with the aircraft?"

Nothing came back except feedback from the recent energy pulse at first. Then, a static-filled transmission came back. "-_Superstructure is largely intact, though I can't say the same for my avionics. Fried beyond repair. That means I can't get my landing gear down and engage VTOL. I'll have to do an old-fashioned crash-landing on main street. Luckily, I still have basic control over the flaps and engines, so it should work… barely. Extend that return time to twenty minutes, or whenever I can get the fighter ready. Meet me at-_"

At that point, he moved out of range of Naruto's short range radio. He promptly ripped it from his ear, threw it away, and chomped on a solder pill, trying to refill his tank. "Well, great. A bijuu, and I can't even remember how to do Orange Lightning. Fudgepops."

A clone shot up, looked around, and started to go back down before spotting his boss. "… Boss, we've got a problem."

Naruto facepalmed and groaned. "Great. Just fucking great. What is it _this_ time?"

"… Hidan's alive, going bijuu, and is pissed off beyond measure. Oh, and he's yelling about Jashin nonstop."

"SON OF A BITCH! JOSH! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Meanwhile, zooming away in a smoking transport jet, whistling to himself, when all of a sudden, Josh sneezed. "Huh… Naruto must be pissed at me."

* * *

Tsunade sat in her office, slowly sipping sake. Since Shizune had been requested on Naruto's mission, there was nobody to make her work. "Slacking off is _so_ nice…" she mused to herself. Unfortunately, that was about to come to a screeching halt. Literally.

To the average civilian's ears, the humming sound that came from the south side of the village would have been unnoticeable. Even Tsunade wouldn't have picked it up had her ceiling fan not been off. But before long, that humming noise grew louder, and louder, and louder, and louder still, until a small shape could have been seen, flying low and belching smoke.

Nobody knew what the fuck it was. Assuming it was an enemy, as any good ninja should; Tsunade ordered her ANBU to form up on the southern wall and prepare to launch kunai at the target and for all civilians near the shelters to move toward them, and all others to stay inside.

"_Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I've got wounded on board!_"

Unfortunately, the radio frequency was not coded properly, so none of the Konoha ANBU, or any of the other shinobi, for that matter, got the message.

"OPEN FIRE!"

The large shape made no attempt to dodge as hundreds of kunai, shuriken, and explosive tags went up to intercept it. In fact, right before it got to the edge of the village, both wings fell off with an explosive report, and the object spiraled and twisted into the village, sliding down the main street, finally leveling the Hokage's Mansion before coming to a screeching stop.

As the special forces, plus any other ninja in the area surrounded the object, weapons drawn, a small hatch at the front popped open. As the ninja tensed to attack, two sets of moving lights cut though the dust cloud, revealing Josh standing up and looking around. "Wow… is it my birthday? I TOLD YOU NOT TO FIRE, YOU INBRED PRICKS!"

He snapped off the lights, popped back into the cockpit, tapped a few buttons, then popped back out, swearing. "I forgot the avionics were fried… all right. Get away from this place while I… you know what, fuck this. Where's my C12?"

Continuing to mutter to himself, Josh took a large can of the foaming explosive off of his belt, sprayed a small amount onto the hull, shaped it into a rough cutting charge, jumped back, and shot it once with his pistol.

The effect, while not as spectacular as a paper bomb would have been, was still enough to cause a small section of the hull to collapse, revealing a highly damaged cargo bay. "Now, if there are any medics around, I've got wounded on board. If you hadn't thrown anything at me, I might have been able to land with the doors facing the right way. But thanks to your idiocy with explosives… anyway, can you get them out? And make it quick. Naruto's kinda fighting a bijuu back there."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah… I kinda promised to be his backup… so could you please hurry so that I can seal this thing away? I'm also really hungry, so the faster we do this, the faster I can go eat."

* * *

"Initial Guardian Art: Rasengan!"

The spiral sphere of energy drilled briefly into the Nibi's back before a tail of pure demonic chakra came up and smacked Naruto away, burning briefly before turning into a poof of smoke. "Another Kage Bunshin… peh."

Between a hammer-shaped rock and a platform, under a very large piece of granite, Naruto and Uzu peered upward at the two Bijuu rampaging around. "… Well, this sucks."

"Nice observation YOU IDIOT!"

"… No need to get pissed at me. I was only stating the obvious."

"Well, it's called the obvious for a fucking reason. No need to restate it. Anything?"

Uzu looked even less interested then usual- a feat that took some skill to enact. "… No. We can't go beyond Initial Guardian right now, and all of our strongest techniques require something beyond that. I would recommend hiding here until Josh gets back, but they're getting rather close to this hammer and anvil."

Perhaps an explanation of how they got into this situation would be more helpful then various expressive sayings involving metalworking.

After Uzu had given him the situation report on the two bijuu and their hosts, they had landed in the forest and ducked through trees, both of them making Kage Bunshin along the way, which scattered throughout the forest, powering up.

"HAHAHA! WHERE ARE YOU! I WILL HAVE JASHIN-SAMA SMITE YOU!"

"…Looks like Hidan's back in one piece…"

"Well no shit, Sherlock. Keep on digging, Watson!" he barked at a clone who was indeed digging a hole for a trap.

The Kage Bunshin stuck his tongue out at him and blew a raspberry at the original, which rolled his eyes back in return.

"…Look, a rock and a hard place. Let's hide between the two."

"I wish you had said that differently…"

"…Ok… let's hide between the hammer and the anvil."

"Oh, nice going. That _really_ makes me feel better."

"… Would you rather be paste under the Nibi's toes?"

"Point. Let's go hide."

So we get to the present. And trouble.

"FOUND YOU! JASHIN-SAMA WILL SMITE YOU!"

"FUCKNUTS! RUN FOR IT!"

"…Too late…"

"What? It's never too late to run away! I've learned that from the fangirls!"

"…It is this time. Look ahead."

He didn't really need to. The enormous burst of energy flaring of Kakuzu's Rokubi form would have given him more then enough warning.

"We're really in a barrel of pickles."

"_DID SOMEONE ASK FOR A PICKLE! PICKLE! PICKLE_!"

"… Oww…"

With that brief transmission, Uzu's earpiece exploded from the sheer volume of the yelling.

A few seconds later, two huge explosions blossomed on both bijuus' back, causing them to look up. "What is that?"

"_The Silver Swordsman is back! RIFLE! RIFLE! RIFLE! RIFLE!_"

As the two bijuu incarnate roared and spat fire up at the sky, a silvery jet twirled by, rotary cannons blazing into life, spraying the two chakra beings with high explosive rounds. But that wasn't the important part.

For those of you who don't know, the Brevity Code 'Rifle' indicated a guided air-to-ground missile launch, generally a AGM-65 Maverick, but it goes for any air-to-ground attack. Of course, for an attack like this, Josh would have never swooped to use a conventional warhead.

"_Dark Bunker Buster, BITCH!_"

Four huge explosions rocked the night, tearing holes in the living chakra. The same warhead that had split the moon into five pieces had distracted the two just long enough for the swordsman to land and seal away his jet.

"Nice, Naruto. Way to hide between a rock and a hard place. I thought you had gotten smarter over the last couple of years, but apparently not. When engaging in guerilla warfare-"

Two huge tails of chakra interrupted the three as they smacked down on the rock, completely destroying it and forcing the three guardians to flee. "Is now _really_ the time for a lecture on tactics?"

"I suppose not." Josh admitted, drawing his regular sword and his combat knife. "I got left, you two got right?"

"… Do you really think your normal sword is enough to take down a bijuu? From what I remember-"

"It's been twelve hundred years. You honestly believe that I haven't been making upgrades? I used to break these things every six months." He smirked as he flipped his visor up. "Now I break them after every fight."

"… I see…"

"I hate to interrupt your little chat about pieces of sharpened metal, but can we _please_ get back to the two towering and angry bijuu that will gut us if we don't do something about them?"

"… Yeah… that actually might be a wise idea…"

"Wait, Naruto had a wise idea? Holy fuc-"

He never got to complete that sentence, as one of the Rokubi's tails came down and flattened him. "ISN'T THIS JUST _FUCKING_ TYPICAL!"

"… Did I do that?"

"Not now, Uzu… Now's not the time…"

"… I suppose. Should we take the right?"

"Well, two rights don't make a wrong."

Uzu nodded. "… so… what?"

"Let's take it to the limit…"

"… one more time?"

"You read my mind. Ready?"

Uzu nodded again. "Mark?"

"MARK! TAJUU KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

A thousand clones, five hundred each from Naruto and Uzu, appeared before the two bijuu, all of them scowling at the two energy beings. "Not bad, you two. I expected something more, but considering what you've done already, not too shabby. Now it's my turn."

"Your turn?" The thousand blond jonin replied.

"Yep." He assumed his power-up pose again. "By the power granted to me, I call upon thee: DARK GUARDIAN!"

The sheath surrounding Josh fizzled and changed, changing from a bright light to a darker covering, coating his armor and transforming him from silver knight to nightmare tempest in a few seconds. "_Well, how do you like me now, boys? I'm ten times stronger and faster then I was before._"

"… show-off."

"_Hey, hey, you know what? Fuck you!_"

"… Such civilized language. Comon… I want a nice long nap after this."

"Hey, I'm all up for it. By the power granted to me, I call upon thee: INITIAL HOLY GUARDIAN!"

As the two Akatsuki members watched, all of the Kage Bunshin powered up as well, leaving them to face a thousand and one majorly pissed off guardians, one thousand of which were forming Rasengans, the other of which was busy chanting while tracing two fingers up and down the length of his blade.

"_Are you ready!_"

"HELL NO!" the horde of Narutos replied.

"_Ah, fuck it. CHARGE!_"

"HOORAH!" As one, all of the Narutos kicked off of the ground, toting Initial Guardian Rasengans, the lone black figure wielding a blade of purest white in contrast to his armor.

"INITIAL GUARDIAN ART: RASENGAN!"

"_DARK GUARDIAN ART: HURRICANE BLADE!_"

One thousand and one Enhanced Rasengans dug into Kakuzu's Rokubi form, causing it to screech in pain. Hidan merely shrugged off the loss of his front limbs, doing a massive face-plant into the ground, destroying another huge swath of forest. If anyone bothered to come to the area after the battle, the land would resemble a middle-aged man's head; missing patches of material.

"_Hmm_?"

"… is there a problem?" Uzu asked, flipping back from a writhing Kakuzu.

"_Yeah… there is a problem. Their power levels aren't going down at all. They would usually have lost part of their power countering those techniques, but their power hasn't changed a single point. I think our attacks were redirected. One more go?_"

Naruto landed on one knee, breathing heavily. "No… way… Nowhere near… enough energy…"

"_Wow… Naruto Uzumaki, actually running out of energy. I thought the day would never come where I would actually have more energy then the fabled Orange Lightning…_"

"Shut up and give me a Senzu Bean."

"_Now, now. Where are your manners_?"

"I left them in the back of your jet, after you dropped me out without giving me enough warning. Now, a bean, or I'll castrate you in the next life."

"_You know that this is it? If I die, it's over for me. There won't be a next life for me._"

"… You know what the boss means. Two Senzu Beans, if you please."

"… _Fine… fine… two Senzu Beans, coming right up._" From a small dispenser that materialized from his belt, he plucked two small beans, flicking one at each of the two original blonds, who bit down in relief, feeling strength flow back into their muscles.

"That's better. KAGE BUNSHIN! ATTEN-HUT!"

"_I didn't know you used military commands._"

"… I didn't know either."

"I don't. That was bullshit."

"_That would explain a lot… but I think I know why our attacks aren't affecting them_."

"… shoot."

"_The IG Rasengan is a penetrating-type attack, great at crushing and grinding away tough armor. The Hurricane Blade is a damaging attack, but since it relies upon soft wind as the power source, it has very little anti-armor capabilities. My attack bounced off, thanks to the sheath, and your attacks lack the range to do any lasting damage to him._"

"So now what?"

"… Slingshot approach?"

"_No. Nowhere near enough speed. For the Hurricane Blade to have any sort of useful penetrating power, I would need to hit a target at about Mach Four. To get through that skin, I would need something closer to Mach Seven. I don't have that sort of speed, time, or energy right now. I normally would need you to power up to Dark Guardian, but with the amount of memory you have, all you would get is a fizzle and a runaway explosion._"

"Your internal boosters-"

"_Are good for short bursts and Mach Two at most. We're going with Plan B_."

"… Which would be…?"

"_First of all,_" Josh quipped as he dodged another tail from Hidan. "_Let's take this conversation up a few thousand feet. I really don't need them knowing what I'm planning._"

"All right. You heard the man! UP, UP, AND AWAY!"

"…Anything?"

"_Here's what I think…_"

* * *

Hidan and Kakuzu, each in their respective bijuu forms, were still thrashing around on the ground, heading toward Konoha. The consensus was that if they got close enough, the two guardians would drop out of the sky and actually fight them. So far, there had been nothing.

"_HEY, DUMBASSES! LOOK UP!_"

The two S-ranked criminals looked up in time to see Josh falling through the air; a larger-than-should-be-allowed rocket launcher fit snuggly over his shoulder, lining up a shot.

"_HA! MADE YA LOOK! DARK GUARDIAN ART:_" he yelled, reaching back and manually pulling down the safety. "_FLARE NUKE!_"

With a blast of air and exhaust fumes, Josh cartwheeled in midair to negate his momentum, the warhead streaked groundward, and detonated in a blinding flash of light. He engaged his boosters, meeting a flock of Narutos descending from the upper atmosphere, IG Rasengans in tow.

"_Good luck. See you in two_."

"Yeah… have the seals ready. We'll do the rest."

"… Yeah… we _don't_ want to fight two angry bijuu. Been there, done that, didn't like the results."

"_Just make sure you bring the sheath down. Operation Seesaw – COMMENSE!_"

As Josh continued to soar up, he pulled out his sword, traced two fingers down the length of the blade again, chanting all the while. While he was going up, the flock of Narutos were going down, the original giving the commands.

"All right, boys. Our job is to take these Rasengan and take out the defenses of those bijuu. Fifty to a big scary demon, scatter formation, and after the attack wears off, dissipate and return any leftover energy to me. I have a feeling that I'm going to need it. Uzu, you're exempt. LET'S MOVE!"

The group of descending blonds split up, half aiming at each bijuu, some getting swatted out of the air as they got within range of the tails.

"INITIAL GUARDIAN ART: RASENGAN!"

Out of the major dust cloud that just formed from the collision of energy on energy, two figures spun out and retreated upward just as Josh descended, his blade white again. "_Good work, you two! Now, watch and learn! Dark Guardian Art: Hurricane Blade!_"

This time, instead of directly attacking either of the bijuu, struck the ground between them, sending tendrils of wind energy blasting in both directions. They cut through multiple layers of natural protection, severing the hamstrings underneath. Bijuu are so large and complex beings that their energy have formed actual bodily systems, and they rely upon those systems. Take out a hamstring, and they've lost the ability to walk.

"_Dark Guardian Art: Thousand Moonbeam Seal!_"

Hundreds of beams of light shot from the end, encircling the two bijuu, roping them together like a cowboy would with a rope. "_Now, NARUTO!_"

"Initial Guardian Art: ODAMA RASENGAN!"

"… Initial Guardian Art: Futon: Rasenshuriken…"

"_Say it with more feeling, damn it!_"

Feeling or not, the resulting explosion was enough to level any trees still standing in the surrounding area, the energy pulse extending out several miles, roaring past Konoha with mass confusion in its wake, knocking out all unshielded electronics.\

"_Right! Timing is crucial! Catch!_" Josh yelled as he threw a sheathed dagger at Naruto, who plucked it out of the air.

"_On three?_"

"Yeah! Wait, on three, or three then go?"

"_On three! It's faster that way. THREE!_"

"Initial Guardian Art-"

"_Dark Guardian Art_-"

"DEMON SEALING BLADE!" The two yelled together has they cut across the quivering shapes, drawing them into the crystals embedded in the hilt. The technique, one essential to the working guardian, forced bijuu back into their primordial chakra forms and stored that mass of energy away until a more permanent solution could be devised. Of course, this usually broke the previous container, should the sealing have been a temporary one. A more permanent container, like Naruto, would just snort and flick you flying. Using that technique against them was just ineffective and foolhardy.

However, against temporary containers, it worked just fine, and it was super effective against a released and unsealed bijuu, once you got past the protective sheath.

Just like now.

"_Boom su_cker!" Josh yelled as he powered back down, panting slightly. Holding Protoguardian status, also known as Protoguardian Streaming, was extremely tiring for a guardian, and doubly so for Josh, who only had above-average energy levels, whereas Naruto could have held it all day.

Holding anything above Sacred Guardian for an hour save the Original Seven would be akin to suicide. As it was, ten minutes of Dark Guardian while doing combat was enough to wind Josh.

"… Right. Let's take them out."

"That shouldn't be too hard, considering that they're both on the ground, trying to breathe." Josh mused as he slipped the dagger away, drawing his regular sword.

"Keep them alive. Secondary orders. We can get information out of them. I've only had the misfortune of engaging Pain twice, and I spent three months recovering from each after only just getting away. I know his six paths, but I have no idea of what a bijuu will do to them. They may have some ideas, and in any case, if we can raid their central headquarters with them away, the bijuu can be freed and they'll be set back indefinitely."

"… Nice words, Boss."

"Yeah. You almost sounded smart for a second there. You actually used 'indefinitely' in a good way."

"Shut the fuck up and pick these guys up. Is your fighter still around?"

"… You know, this isn't exactly what I planned when we were talking about flying back home."

* * *

"I suppose that they have to ride in the extra passenger seat, since they've got the information. But why are we in the bomb bay?"

"_Would you rather I put you out on the missile rack?_" Josh's voice blasted through the speakers. "_Be glad that you've got some wind protection. If I hadn't used the Bunker Busters, you would have been out on the ends. Quit your bitching._"

"… Gee, what crawled up his ass and died?"

"_That would be the cow that I never got to eat, thanks to your little siege and this mess. You had better fucking buy me a herd when I get back._"

"Yes, yes. You're the big hero. Fucking showoff."

Josh didn't reply. Instead, he punched open his bomb bay doors, causing the two swearing blonds to fall out into the night sky.

* * *

Just as the sun started to rise over Konoha, a lone silhouette stumbled and collapsed at the front gate, making the person sitting cross-legged there, roasting a cow leg over a roaring bonfire. "Well, look what the cat dragged in."

Naruto had just enough energy to spit on the fire.

* * *

As things had turned out, the emergency drop, plus all of the unexpected resistance had given our blond hero's chakra tubes quite a scorching. Nothing fatal, but extremely painful and exhausting. Dropping down from seventy thousand feet, fighting two bijuu, and creating several thousand shadow clones tended to take quite a toll on you.

And so we cut to the hospital, where our story continues.

"Fail, man. Fail. You already scorched your tubes? That's pathetic. You used to do a lot more then that and not even break a sweat."

"Alright then, smartass. Next time, why don't you strip your armor off and try the same thing? I guarantee you'll destroy your entire system."

"Nah. I have a brain. I know my limits. You never did."

"Call me stupid again. I _dare _you."

"Hey, you're the one in the hospital bed, with your chakra tubes scorched. I'm the one eating roast beef."

"THAT'S IT! YOU ARE DEAD!"

As soon as he tried to sit up, a restraining harness collapsed around him and five nurses, plus Tsunade poured into the room.

Josh just sat back, took another bite of meat, and chuckled as they worked on him.

* * *

"I swear to god, when I get out of this cast, I'm gonna rip your balls off and throw them into a lava pit."

"Hey, I'm all for it. If you can catch me. You always were a bit on the slow side, mentally and physically."

Unable to move due to the full-body cast and energy-suppressing seals absorbing what little chakra he could emit, Naruto had to settle for insults and threats for the moment.

"That's it, keep on laughing. We'll see who's laughing when I rip your legs off and stick them on your head."

"Tsk, tsk. Threatening me before you even get out of bed? What bold words. Here, why I don't give you something to eat? After all, hospital food sucks." And with that, shoved a cow's leg bone in Naruto's mouth, patted his head, and jumped out the window.

The blond spat it out and shouted after him. "THAT'S RIGHT! YOU HAD BETTER RUN!"

Josh just laughed and popped a can of beer, lighting his boots to the hulk of his wrecked transport jet.

* * *

Fuming silently in his cast, his mouth gagged after his shouting affair with Josh, Naruto lay there, thinking about all the ways that he could hurt and torture the silver-clad guardian. Nothing seemed to be possible at the current moment, though. Not while he was locked up like this.

_Initial Guardian Art… Fuck, that hurt. _He thought as he tried to flare his energy to crack the seals. _Guess the only thing I can do right now is sit tight and wait… great, now I'm out of patience. This sucks…_

As he stewed there, minute after minute ticked by, the sun slowly rising, peaking, and then setting in the room. He didn't need to eat since he was being fed via IV, so calling in a nurse was redundant. What to do…

When the sun had finally completely disappeared and the only lights in the room were from the medical instruments and the spillage from the street outside, his door slowly creaked open, revealing a glint of metal…

* * *

Author's Note.

Yo.

Long two months?

Yeah, sorry as always for my LONG-ass update times. But with my Beta and I both running through our respective finals right now, not to mention AP and prep for college, time has been limited, to say the least.

So, as of right now, i will not have a timetable for the next release. However, rest assured that there will be a mass update on my birthday, which is incidentally the same day as the publishing of Orange Lightning.

I am also very pleased to announce two new projects.

Now, you may be thinking, "WTF? He's already slow on updates! What is this going to do to him!"

I have an answer.

Writer's block is settling in, and if i dont cancel it out ASAP, all projects may end up abandoned.

Spreading it out over several new projects makes it much harder to block.

Just the way i work.

Now, as to the new projects.

The first of them is called "Scar of Lightning, Lightning Scar." If you havn't guessed by the title, yes, it is a prequel to this story, the same class as Orange Lightning, and is a Harry Potter/Naruto Crossover. Expect mass chaos as Josh and Naruto drop in on Hogwarts and are angry at having their vacation interrupted. For the two of you trying to figure out where this takes place, it occurs after Orange Lightning but before Timeless. It also occurs after the second of the two pieces i'm introducing.

The second of them is called "Silver Precurser". No, there is no "Lightning" in the title. The word "Silver" in the title means that Josh is the focus character, while Naruto plays a sidekick role. I havn't decided what to cross this over with yet, but this will be released on the same day as Orange Lightning and the others.

Now, to the ranting part.

For the last two chapters, i have had a combined THREE reviews.

Not encouraging, people.

Two of them have come from the same person.

That person will be the first to have me identify them

Thank you, Brokenfromthepast, for sticking with this old cow as he churns out content.

And to Chronomitsurugi, for leaving me a very encouraging review.

I hope that everyone follows their example and LEAVES ME A REVIEW. That little button down there. Just leave me some sign you've been here. Even a good job would be appreciated. I hate preaching to a empty church.

Ahem. To the announcer part.

"Hidan and Kakuzu are defeated. However, the fight has left Naruto in poor shape. What is coming through that door? Find out next time, on Timeless, a Naruto Fanon."

And that's a wrap.

See you all in a bit.

Xingster


	23. Chapter 22

I don't own Naruto. I do own all OCs, original Jutsus, OC techniques, and all non-canon material. This is the last of the Disclaimers

Chapter XXII: Catastrophic Seal Failure

The door creaked open, revealing Hinata, Byakugan activated, still looking around cautiously. The hospital at night was notorious for having hidden nurse's pop out of nowhere. Rumor has it that the Godaime herself had a camouflaged station so well designed that even a Hyuga couldn't spot it without looking carefully.

The piece of metal was a small saw, designed to saw through casts without harming the person underneath. Her Jyuken would have worked just as well, but she didn't want to risk causing additional damage to her crush's already distressed chakra system.

She quietly closed the door, moving over to sit next to Naruto, who was staring pleadingly at her. There was no way for Hinata to resist.

Quickly plugging the saw in, she started cutting, one limb at a time, and when all four were free, the head and finally a cross on the torso. With a flexing and some plaster dust, Naruto broke free and took his first unobstructed breath in ten hours.

"Gah… Thanks, Hinata-chan. You're a lifesaver." He tried getting out of the bed, but merely resulted in face-planting and cracking two more ribs. "Ow…" the blond muttered into the ground, muffled. "Damn… forgot just how much weight I carry and how much I rely on chakra…"

Naruto shifted his head weakly. "Uhh, Hinata-chan? Do you mind doing me a favor?"

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

"There are weights on my body. Hit them with your Jyuken and they should release. Just leave them and let's get out of here before _grandma_ notices."

Hinata nodded, gently tapping each of the invisible weights, which then fell silently away, making the floor tremble lightly with each impact. "I-It's off."

"Thanks," he grunted, picking himself up from the ground, still trembling. "Fuck, that hurts… I'm going to enjoy slowly torturing Josh…"

"Ano…"

"Well-" Naruto said as he tried to stay upright. "There is one problem. I can't seem to stay-" and with that, he fell over. "balanced." Came the muffled voice.

Shaking like an autumn leaf, Hinata took one arm, draping it over her shoulders before opening the window and leaping out, triggering an alarm that woke up every single patient, nurse, doctor, and Tsunade in the hospital.

Needless to say, they were not pleased.

* * *

Some two miles away, Josh looked up from his half-dismantled hulk, popped his visor, and smiled. "How did I know that was going to happen?" he muttered before returning to work, pulling out the fried remains of a gyroscope, tutting, and tossing it in the ever-growing scrap heap next to him.

* * *

At the gates of Naruto's home, after avoiding the candlelight vigil that was taking place on the opposing side of the hospital, Hinata wiped a small quantity of her blood on the gates, causing them to pop open immediately.

"Heh… I still don't know how you do that…"

Not knowing what to say, Hinata closed the gate behind them, wiped more blood on the newly sealed door, which too fell open.

"… Bout time you two lovebirds got back. Hiashi's been on the warpath. Again."

They looked up to see Uzu flick on a couple of lights, illuminating the inside with a soft glow. Most of the damage after the siege had been repaired, but traces still remained, including the gaping six-foot hole in the wall.

"Uzu. How long have you been there?"

"… Six hours, give or take a couple of minutes. Why?"

Naruto shot his copy a withering look. The effect, while hanging limply off of Hinata's shoulder, was less effective then he would have hoped, but the point had gotten across. _You could have gotten me out six hours ago, and yet you chose to leave me to my fate?_

"… And before you try to kill me, I'd like to defend myself by saying that I only physically manifested myself twenty minutes ago. Had trouble linking up with the body. Not my fault _you_ put more security on it then your typical ramen supply."

"Not tonight, Uzu. Let me get some rest… and I'll kick your ass in the morning…" With that, he promptly passed out, pulling Hinata to the floor with him.

Uzu stood there for a second, bemused while looking down at the sight. "…Well. That is, if you live that long…"

Kneeling, he hefted his boss off of Hinata, who was passed out as well, looking like all the blood in her body had rushed to her face. "…Great." He muttered to himself. "… Now there are two of them."

Pulling out a small device given to him by Josh, Uzu ran it over Naruto's collapsed body twice, did a double take, and then ran it again. "… This is…"

He extracted a somewhat crumpled packet of smelling salts out of his pocket, then snapped it under Hinata's nose. The result was immediate. "N-Naruto-kun?"

"…No. I'm Uzu. But that's not why I woke you up. No time for talking." He said as urgently as he could, raising the device. "…Listen to me. I need you to go find Josh. When you do, bring him back here. If this thing is right, and I'm betting it is, the boss won't survive tonight without help."

"Tsunade-sama-"

"… Is good. I'll give her that. But she has no experience in treating a corrupted chakra coil, demonic poisoning, and severe mental barrier depletion. Of the three, the last is the most dangerous for boss and the rest of us."

"Ano-"

"… There's no time for this. I have no desire not to exist. Get Josh. Now."

"Ano-"

"… Fifteen minutes. That's all the time you have. Then I'll take more drastic measures."

Uzu's headset crackled. "_Does drastic measures include sleeping off a drug-induced coma?_"

Clicking on the radio, he responded instantly. "… Josh. Get your ass in here. We've got a CCC2, DP1, and SMBD. ETA failure time is thirty minutes for all seals."

The crackle of a sigh came over. "_I've been camped out here for the last ten minutes. That blood seal is locking me out. Can you open the seal?_"

"… No. In this form, I lack the authorization to open that seal. Boss is in no shape to lose any blood. I'll send Hinata down."

"_Double-SSS? Roger that._"

Uzu clicked off the radio and tossed it away. "…Get down to the gate, let him in, and get down to the dojo. Close the door behind you."

"Ano…"

"… do it now."

Without another word, Hinata got up and charged out of the room.

_Naruto-kun's in danger… I have to do what I can._

_

* * *

_

Josh charged into the room and dropped his toolbox on the ground. "Sit-rep, Uzu."

"… Corrupted Primary Chakra Coil, an unstable influx of Kyuubi's chakra, and two of the seven seals have failed around _its_ mind. We're doing everything we can to keep it in check, but its failing."

"ETA?" Josh said as he twisted off his gauntlet, slipping on a clear variant.

Uzu did some quick calculations, mouthing silent words to something. "…They tell me that the rate of failure is increasing. Twenty minutes. No more."

"Guess I'll have to work fast. Establish a shielded stasis field. Nothing goes in, nothing comes out."

Uzu nodded and sealed rapidly, putting up a glowing blue barrier.

"Right… It's been a while, but here we go…" Josh muttered to himself. "Sacred Guardian Art: Unholy Purification!"

He clawed his hands, tracing it up down the major chakra pipelines of Naruto's body. "Uzu. I need The Box."

The Box, as it was commonly referred to, was a tank of Purified Guardian Energy that was used to neutralize large quantities of demonic energy that a guardian couldn't process or eliminate naturally. Ridiculously expensive and hard to procure, it was only usually carried by Specialized Anti-Bijuu Guardian Squads to treat post-battle poisoning. Josh always carried a small amount for instances just like this one, despite the fact that, for a guardian squad, they rarely fought bijuu.

"That's the coils clear… Nothing more I can do about the influx right now. BMG?"

"… One sec." He once again mouthed off to something. "They say it's still in the B stage."

"Sooo…" Josh muttered as he slipped his regular gauntlet back on, flexing his fingers to ensure a secure connection. "I can still stop this…"

"… Yes and no."

"Clarify. Or I'll bring him out."

Uzu shuddered. "… The guys on the inside say that this rupture is more serious then the ones before."

"Worse then that _one_ time!" Josh interjected.

"… Of course not. We were completely overwhelmed that time, thanks to _somebody's_ meddling."

"Anyway," he said hurriedly, wanting to move on from the topic. "I'm moving in. Can you hold down the fort?"

"… Can I hold down the fort. Can I pass out in a Diabetic Coma on command?"

"… I'll take that as a yes."

Uzu sighed again. "… Just do your thing."

"Right… Right. Uzu. Stay clear. Sacred Guardian Art… Fuck…" Josh went down on one knee, panting heavily. "Damn… that took more energy then I thought… still not recovered from that last battle… Where's my senzu beans…"

Extracting a small bean, he popped it and chewed slowly. "Ah… that's better."

"… Are you done recharging yet?"

"Just about. Right. Let's try this again. Sacred Guardian Art: Living Memory!"

Instead of holding out his hand, Josh tapped Naruto's third eyepoint, phasing his consciousness into Naruto's mind, in essence, taking him there.

Uzu leaned back and focused on maintaining the barrier as best as he could with his scarce energy reserves. The shell, while it had been well-protected, had not been maintained properly, and Naruto was in no position to give him a desperately needed transfusion of energy.

What he did not expect was at that very moment, for the door to burst open, and Hinata to rush in, directly though his barrier.

"…Wha?"

"Naruto-kun?"

"… Stay back. Josh has this under control."

"But-"

"… You don't have the training or the power to enter Naruto's mind safely. Even I don't like going in there, and I'm from there. Just trust him."

Hinata didn't like it. Not one bit. But Uzu's glance told her there was nothing she could do.

_Come on! You can do it! Just touch Naruto's forehead, and you'll be in there as well! Don't you want to see what his mind is like?_

_You?_ Hinata thought. It has been a while since that little voice had popped up inside her head.

_Yes, me. Now, go do it!_

_I… I can't…_

_And why not?_

_Ano…_

_Just as I thought. Go for it!_

_All… All right…_

"Ano… Uzu-san?"

"… Hmm?"

"Sorry in advance…"

"… Wait a second…"

Before Uzu could do much more then blink and try to release the barrier, Hinata jumped over to where Naruto lay and tapped his forehead gingerly.

What happened next, can only be described this way.

* * *

"GODDAMNIT! KI! KEEP THAT END DOWN! MA! NA! TO! MORE ENERGY!"

"Josh, for the last time! It's no good! _It's_ entering the M Phase. We should focus on defeating it now!"

"SURE! JUST LIKE LAST TIME! BULLSHIT! I MAY BE MORE POWERFUL, BUT I STILL CAN'T TAKE DOWN THAT MONSTER! FOCUS ON CONTAINMENT!"

The scene inside Naruto's mind could only be described as mass chaos. Four Joshes were surrounding a huge cage, their hands glowing a cool blue, trying to pour their energy on a rapidly melting prison. Multitudes of Narutos were running around, hammering down seals and providing energy to the Joshes. Even as Hinata watched, Kyuubi extended one massive paw and placed the tip of one claw on top of Josh's head, channeling a stream of red energy.

"LAST SEAL IS FAILING! TWO MINUTES!"

"Damn it… SACRED GUARDIAN ART: HUNDRED MOONBEAM SEAL!" Josh was literally howling now, his helmet long forgotten. The collective moonbeams surrounded the cage, tightening, but half a second later, the silvery light fell away, revealing a gold cage, rapidly melting.

Inside was a raging Naruto, but was rapidly calming down and transforming… less and less animal and more human. However, the ambient energy was amazing. Even at this distance, it was all Hinata could do to remain standing and breathing.

"Josh! We don't have any other choice! Fall back! Fall back!"

"I WILL _NOT _LET THIS THING GET OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN! LAST TIME IT HAPPENED, IT ALMOST DESTROYED EVERYTHING!"

Just then, as Hinata was watching all of this, someone pulled her to her feet. Looking around in surprise, she saw _herself_ pulling her up. However, this version of herself was dressed extremely differently.

This Hinata had her hair pulled back up in a ponytail, wore shin-length boots, and had on a miniskirt and a cropped jacket; all of it avocado-colored, through it was hard to tell in the flickering light. She did not appear to wear a shirt… or bra, for that matter.

"Are you…" the more conservatively dressed Hinata asked.

The other one rolled her eyes, straightening up. The first one tried not to stare at own assets jiggling in front of her eyes. _Is this what Naruto-kun feels all the time?_

"Yeah, I'm one of your other parts. From what they're saying, time is running short. Let's go help out our Naruto-kun!"

Leaning on each other, they walked toward the glowing nimbus, staggering whenever a pulse came through. Eventually, however, they made it to within sight range of Josh, who did a double take.

"WHAT THE FUCK? HINATA! HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE! WHAT HAPPENED TO UZU?"

"That doesn't matter right now. Hinata! Trust me! Touch the cage!"

"NO!" Josh screamed as he tried to drop his hands, but his copies casting the seals had tied him up. "If you touch that cage, _it'll _transfer to and steal _your_ soul! Don't do it!"

Hinata's alter ego nudged her and spoke softly enough that none of the Narutos around could hear. "If you truly love Naruto, this is the only way to save him. It won't be last time, though." She smiled. "But we'll be here for him every time, right?"

Hinata smiled weakly. "Ano… I'm not strong enough."

"You're you. That's more than enough."

With that, and a nod to her alter ego, Hinata's nervous fingers reached forward and brushed a finger against the bars of the mostly-melted cage.

"NO!"

At once, the spiraling energy stopped spewing in every which direction, and instead, settled into seals with strange writing on them, shrinking until they surrounded both the cage and her.

Her fingers trembling, she reached forward and grasped the cage instinctively.

At once, all of the seals around her transferred themselves to the cage, which shone purest orange for what seemed like ages before petering out. When that happened, and Hinata looked back at the cage, blinking stars out of her eyes, she was astonished to see the cage rebuilding itself, one layer at a time, until the Naruto inside started screaming again, and after the seventh and final cage was rebuilt, a external shell fell down, made of the darkest onyx, sealing off the sound to the outside world.

Josh, after the onyx layer had secured itself, fell back on his rear with a _flump_, the other three copies doing the same. "Damn… WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED! KI! NA! ANYONE OUT THERE!"

There was no reply. All around them, Narutos were passed out in every position, some of them still holding the hammers they were using to anchor the seals down.

Mustering what little energy he had left, Josh snapped his fingers and drew a small seal in midair. The other three versions of him faded away, and he sighed. "There… a little less consumption… Damn it, Hinata. What were you thinking? If you had died, Naruto would have haunted my ass for the next ten thousand years!"

"Ano…"

"HEY! Lay off, will ya? We just saved your asses!"

He snapped his eyes over to the other Hinata. "And who are _you_, I might ask?"

Inner Hinata folded her arms across her chest, offended. "For someone who just saved your life, you're not being very grateful."

"Yes, I'm really grateful that one of the worst things in existence didn't escape to a new host because of a stupid girl who wouldn't listen to a guardian who has seen it happen! Who are you?"

"I haven't picked out a name yet. But you should know _what_ I am."

Josh palmed his face, sighed, and started looking around for his helmet. "Yes, yes. I know _what_ you are. What I don't know are your classification and name. Those two things can tell me who you really are."

"You're going to have to wait. I have no plans to tell you anytime soon."

Finally finding his helmet, only to discover that the visor had been bashed in and the electronics scrambled beyond recovery did he finally kick it away. "Well. Whatever you are, let's get out of here. Maintaining this technique is extremely draining."

And with that, a swing of his sword and a half dozen muttered words, the mindscape faded, swirling away, taking all of them with it.

* * *

Hinata stirred slowly. First cracking open one eye, then the other. There wasn't a harsh fluorescent light above her, as was famous in the Konoha Hospital. Instead, a soft glow emanated from the walls, and as she sat up gingerly to look around, saw jars of softly burning fire, all with the slight scent of lavender.

This couldn't be the Hyuga compound, with its traditional far eastern design. This home was designed with comfort in mind. Her clan compound, while beautiful, was designed for function, not comfort. The bed she was in proved that point. Before she could look around any more, a knock came at the door and Josh walked in, pistol drawn.

"Oh. You're awake. Motion sensors were tripped, and I thought something might have gotten through, as improbable as that is. How are you feeling?"

"Ano… Good. How's-"

"The idiot is fine. Stabilized and Sedated with my special blend. He should snap out of it in a few more days."

"How long-"

"Three days. What you did was beyond reckless. Entering an already unstable mental field without any training. You're lucky your brain didn't fry from the shock. As it was, the energy was enough to burn your palms."

"Are you-"

"Oh, what?" Josh seemed distracted. "Oh, I'm fine. Since I cast the technique, it only drained my energy, Nothing a good cow, some beer, and a good night's rest couldn't fix. But-"

_BOOM!_

Josh sighed and cocked his pistol. "Wait here. I have to take care of some _unwanted_ guests."

Instead of walking through the door, he simply popped the window open and hopped out, firing at some unseen target around the side of Naruto's house, shouting all the while. "GODDAMNIT! LEAVE ME ALONE! I JUST WORK HERE!"

With the background of shouting, gunfire, and sounds of random violence, Hinata pulled her bandaged hands from under the blanket and examined them.

"Byakugan." She murmured, examining the damage done to her digits. Most of the skin had been burned off but was healing rapidly thanks to a device placed on the end of the bandages providing a constant influx of energy.

"Back. Damn, those Hyuga are annoying _and_ persistent. Do all of them act like they have a telephone pole shoved up their asses?"

"… That they do."

"Uzu! Ah! There you are. How's lunch coming along?"

"… I hate cooking."

"And I'm not a medic. Yet I healed up your boss and Hinata here. Sometimes, you just have to bare your teeth and go with it."

"… I believe the term is 'Grit your teeth'."

"Whatever. Do you have food?"

Uzu cocked an eyebrow and gestured at the door. At once, two Kage Bunshin made their way inside, pushing a heavily-laden breakfast cart, one already sealing for a small Katon jutsu.

"Ah. Excellent. Uzu. Check the defenses, and after that's done, go take a nap. You look like you're going to fall over any minute."

The Bunshin chuckled. "He always looks like that…"

Josh snickered as well. "That he does. Now, don't worry about fire. I've got something for that. Well, dig in, Hinata."

"All of this… for me?"

"Well, if you want the truth. No." Josh laughed, downing a dozen fried eggs. "Being a Guardian comes with a couple of major drawbacks and annoyances. One of which is a ridiculously insane metabolic rate. An average Guardian of my power class can eat sixty pounds of food in one day, triple that after a battle or strenuous training."

"… That you can. Between you and the boss, we've gone through more food then I care to count."

Josh didn't respond, instead hurling a butter knife at Uzu, which he caught an inch from his heart. "… and this is the thanks I get."

"For your snarky mouth? Yeah."

"… I'll be waiting outside."

"Good idea." Josh chuckled as Uzu eased the door closed. "That Uzu… lazy as a dead pig, yet reliable for grunt labor and combat, in a pinch. The few times we put him up for frontline combat, he limped back with no arms and one leg."

"He's-"

"He's fine." The swordsman replied, waving her off. "Just eat. I don't know about you, but an IV drip just doesn't fill me up."

Hinata nodded and picked up a tray of cinnamon rolls, selecting one and taking a cautious bite. The taste spread throughout her mouth, which in turn awakened her ravenous hunger, and before long, the tray of buns was no more and she was sated, but Josh was still steadily munching his way though stacks of toast, bacon, sausages, and eggs.

Finally, after another twenty minutes, the guardian finally sighed and shook his head at the last English Muffin. "Man, that was good. Uzu may be a lazy motherfucker, but he sure can cook if you force him to."

"… Did someone say my name?"

Josh replied by throwing a grenade.

* * *

"All right, sit-rep. How's the idiot doing?"

Uzu sighed and pulled up a couple of charts on the computer that Josh had seen fit to lend him. "Still in stable condition. You'll have to make a return trip to the mindscape to make sure that everything is healing up properly."

"I'd rather not… could you-"

"…No." Uzu said flatly.

"Fucksticks. Right, I'll do that later. And the village is…"

The clone sighed. "… You've seen the Hyuga in an uproar. Grandma is buried under paperwork, we've got Root agents trying and failing to tunnel in, and fangirls are still holding their nightly candlelight vigil. It's quite a mess right now."

Josh disassembled and polished his sidearm carefully, thinking all the while. "Can you go check on the idiot? Just to make sure he's not stopped breathing again?" With a quick glance at Hinata's horrified face, added, "And take Ms. Double-SSS with you. Grab a spare futon and leave it there. I have a feeling that she might want to stay there, and sleeping on that floor may not be the best for her back. Hop to it."

As the two left, Josh sighed and unslung his rifle, unscrewing the barrel and screwing on the sniper variant. He then wrote a quick message on a scrap of paper, loaded it into a hollow shell, chambered the round, located Tsunade's temporary headquarters, set up after his jet demolished her offices, and let loose the round.

Leaning back, he snatched a nearby bottle of Sake, took a deep draught, spit it everywhere, threw the said bottle out the window, and then popped a bottle of beer. "Ah… Well, just waiting for the shitstorm now…"

* * *

As the said shitstorm outside rapidly brewed and stormed, the shitstorm inside Naruto's mindscape was coming to a rather pathetic end. Despite the fact that Hinata had resealed _it_, the inside of his mind was still ravaged and under recovery. Try as he might, Kyuubi just couldn't handle reconstruction from inside his cage, no matter how much he swished his nine tails.

"Get your asses in gear! I want this place up and ready for business in two days! Chop Chop!"

"Kyuubi, in case you're paying attention, you'll know that nobody is paying any attention to you."

The fox growled, putrid breath spraying everywhere.

The Naruto smirked and thumbed his nose at the demon. "All right, you definitely need some Tic-tacs or something, cuz yo breath STINKS!"

"Oh, ha ha. Laugh at the caged animal, will you, Ki? Don't even have the decency to bring me a toothbrush or even mouthwash."

"Well, considering your diet, which is mostly ramen, I should probably bring you some antacid instead."

Ignoring the roars of indignation and anger, Ki went over and picked up what remained of a toaster, prying it apart to reveal a dislodged cage bar, which he picked up and examined briefly before crushing it and moving on, this time to a cake mold.

"Well, the lying cake finally got what it deserved. HEY! FOUND IT!"

Every single one of the Narutos looked over at their waving counterpart before phasing over and examining what he found.

"Good, Ki. You found it."

They all turned around to find another Naruto, this one injured and bandaged around the head stumping toward them. Whatever it was, he snatched it up and stowed it away in an inside pocket, putting a light seal on the pouch so that it wouldn't fall out.

"Right. Everyone, back to work. Kyuubi, get a mint."

"And where would your holiness be heading off to?" Ki asked, snide as usual.

Naruto ignored his counterpart, instead, slipping on a set of gloves and heading toward the ladder that would let him out of his mind.

"Don't forget to write!"

"Fuck you, Ki." He muttered under his breath as he began the arduous climb back to consciousness.

* * *

Uzu, after making sure the room was clear, gently pushed open the door and relaxed somewhat, through the last couple of days had seriously taken their toll on his body. He was now turning translucent in some places, breaths coming in ever shallower gasps.

"Ano…"

Uzu waved her off. "… Boss'll fix me up as soon as he wakes up. Don't bother trying. Josh already tried, and it nearly blew his arm off."

"Actually," Josh's voice came from behind them. "It did. Just that the armor kept it in place. Right. Message to Tsunade is already off, now to see the idiot…"

"… Message?"

The swordsman shrugged, rolled his shoulders, and closed one eye. "Well… more of an ultimatum, really."

"… And that would be…"

"Either to get the ANBU to run crowd control; or I will."

"…"

"A wise response. Now, let's see here…"

Just as he unscrewed his gauntlet and touched Naruto's third eyepoint, the blond's hand twitched and grabbed his wrist. "Now, you wouldn't be trying to go into my mind again, would you?"

"Naruto-kun!"

"… Nice to see you're back, boss."

Josh chuckled and withdrew his hand, resealing it inside his gauntlet. "Welcome back to the land of the living. Did you find what you were looking for?"

Naruto nodded. "Ki found it. And from his actions, he may be joining us soon. It's getting too crowded in there and I can't keep him in there much longer."

"We'll burn that bridge when we get to it. As for now-"

He didn't get to finish, as Hinata finally lost her restraints and enveloped him in a bonecrushing hug. "Hinata! I… can't… breathe… AIR…"

Josh smiled and gestured for Uzu to follow him out of the room to give the two a little privacy. When he indicated that he was comfortable exactly where he was right now, the swordsman dragged him out by both ears, easing the door shut behind them.

Hinata, finally feeling the rasping of Naruto's lungs, loosened her grip slightly but didn't let go.

"Uh, Hinata-chan? This feels great and all, but could I ask you to let go? I've, ah, kinda got some urgent business to get to…"

Looking like the rising sun, Hinata let go of Naruto, who slowly felt his ribs to make sure that they were still intact, swung his legs out of bed, got up, and promptly fell back over. "Ahh… Fuck." He said as he put his head back down on the pillow. "Uh, Hinata-chan? Any chance of another hug?"

Hinata promptly passed out.

* * *

"You need to get these people out of here. The nonstop flickering of candles at night is driving me crazy, along with all of the chanting."

"I can't! Hiashi owns that half of the street, and he's given them permission to be there! If I were to send ANBU to remove them, Hiashi is within his rights to send out Hyuga to counter them!"

"Well, it appears we are at an impasse. Looks like I'll have to take care of this myself."

"Excuse me?"

Josh shifted from his spot on the wall. "You heard me, Tsunade. I'm taking this into my own hands. Naruto, and by extension of logic, Uzu, are bound by the laws and regulations of Konoha. I, being an Uncontracted Guardian, am bound by no such laws. Which means-" He pulled out his rifle, loaded the gun, and primed the grenade launcher, "I can remove any annoyances I deem to be harmful to my person. So, unless you remove these people for me, I'll be removing them personally, only with deadly force."

"You wouldn't!" Tsunade gasped, horrified.

"… Grandma, trust me. He would. While he has no problems with Fangirls attacking the boss, when they disturb his sleep, that's when it crosses the line."

"So." Josh said as he clicked off the safety and aimed it loosely in the direction of the campers. "What's it going to be? Either get them to move, or you'll be moving corpses. I'd rather not kill a bunch of unarmed people, but I'll do it if I have to."

The Hokage was still hesitant. The Hyuga Clan Leader had made VERY clear that if the gatherers were moved, she would lose his support, and there would be hell to pay. But, on the other hand, if she did nothing, the general public would be screaming for her blood. "Hiashi was insistent-"

"I'll take care of the old windbag. Don't worry about that. Now, are you going to it, or am I going to have to?"

"Fine." She snapped and raised one hand. Instantly, six ANBU shunshined to her side, swords drawn.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"Remove the crowd in front of the Hyuga Estate."

"Hai!"

As the ANBU approached the fangirls, they turned as one, and using abilities that would have made Iruka proud, snarled at the incoming shinobi, causing them to break formation and run.

"Ah…"

"… The Devoted Fangirl. A species so strange and frightening, that even the boss is scared of them. The only thing that can defeat it is its close cousin, the Rabid Fangirl."

"Yes, yes. Thank you for telling us the obvious, Uzu." Josh said distractedly. "Looks like bullets aren't going to do much to those guys. Better step it up to the next level."

With that, he slung his rifle, and in the same smooth motion, he drew his sword and combat knife, holding them ready to charge. "Looks like I'm going to have to get down and dirty. Uzu!"

"… You're not my boss. I don't have to listen to you."

"No." The familiar voice came from behind them. "But I am."

They all turned around to see Naruto, limping with a crutch under one armpit, smiling feebly. "Well? Go help him!"

"… All right, All right. What do you need?"

Josh's smile was too scary to put down on paper, but sufficient to say, it was enough to make Uzu sweatdrop. "I need some live bait."

"… Oh… shit."

* * *

"… Just for the record... I think this is a bad idea."

"Oh, shut up. Nobody cares what the bait thinks. Remember, to make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs. Or in this case, to get rid of a bunch of fangirls, you send out a decoy to run around first."

"… How does that not make a bad idea?"

"It doesn't. It just exposes the flaws in your argument."

"… I hate you."

"The feeling's mutual. Now, down you go!"

And with that, Josh started unwinding the fishing pole with Uzu tied on the end toward the waiting fangirls.

"Hey, Josh. If you don't mind me asking, what are you going to do with Uzu as bait?"

"Well," The swordsman replied as he dangled the now-praying Uzu over the squealing fangirls, pulling up slightly to make him bounce: a tantalizing prize for them.

"… You know, using me as live bait is bad enough. But using me to tease them is just mean."

"Shut up. Bait doesn't talk. Right, Naruto? Can you take the pole? I'm going in hot."

Naruto nodded, took the pole with his clone on the end, then, still weakened, promptly dropped it.

Needless to say, Uzu fell like a pile of bricks into the horde of fangirls, who squealed and started groping every inch of him. To the lazy clone's credit, he didn't scream or wave about, only going into a fetal position and whimpering slightly.

"Ah, Naruto? The plan is only going to work if the bait is _live_. Fangirls don't go after dead bait."

When Naruto just stared blankly back at him, Josh sighed, drew a few figures on the ground, then straightened up. "All right! Let's do this! LEEEROOOY JEENNNKEENNNS!"

With that, he hopped over the fence, shouting and waving his blades about, with little success. When he slashed at them, they simply countered with their fangirls squeals, which repelled his attacks. Finally, he sheathed his knife and traced two fingers down the length of his blade.

"I had meant to keep this under wraps, but guess this is a good a time as any. Naruto, TWKI. Remember what that means?"

The blond's eyes widened and he slid right next to the wall, flattening his figure to the brickwork. He tried to form a shield to block himself, but channeling even a slight amount of energy caused his entire body to burn, so he gave it up.

That is, until the front door opened and Hinata stepped out…

"Dark Guardian Art: Twilight Killer!"

"SHIT!"

Naruto jumped out in front of Hinata, formed several rapid seals, balled his fists, and smashed them together laterally. "Initial Guardian Art: Guardian Shield!" He bawled, ignoring the pain searing through his chest.

From the leading edge of Josh's sword, a wave of blackish tar spewed out, overwhelming the fangirls and washing them down the path the Jonin of Konoha had taken not too long ago. Of course, the main point of this technique was the ability to penetrate any seal, as to get to the fangirls better. This means that the protection afforded by the blood seals on the border walls were negated. The technique itself was nothing to sneeze at.

Josh had first developed it some Two Thousand Years previously, according to central time, to counter Rabid Fangirls they had located en route to killing some Vampires and Werewolves that were causing trouble. Needless to say, the fangirls weren't moving, and Josh, being Josh, invented this technique on the spot and washed the lot of them away. The sludge was harmless to anything with a Y chromosome in it, but was a potent poison for anything without. The antidote was easily accessible to guardians, but nearly impossible for anyone else.

It was among the most potent of Josh's handful of Anti-Fangirl techniques, and one of the only ones useful for a crowd. That was nothing compared to Naruto, whose arsenal was roughly sixty percent Anti-Fangirl techniques. The technique was also unique due to the fact that it worked on all fangirls. All of Naruto's Anti-fangirl techniques only worked on ones bent on chasing him.

But, in his weakened state, casting a shield was the last thing that Naruto could have afforded. The thing is, he didn't have much of a choice. Josh had done a double swipe, which meant two pulses, designed to poison and wash them away. Getting hit by that, even for a guy, was nasty.

"Fuck… This… Just… Isn't… My… Day…" Naruto gasped, the shield faded, and he pitched forward onto the pavement, doing a faceplant onto the hard stone.

* * *

Author's Note:

Yo! What up?

Yeah, so... due to popular demand, i have brought back the staff meetings. Kinda rusty on them, but if you review, i promise i'll make them better!

Ehem. Due to the fact that there is a staff meeting, i will NOT be giving the announcer spheal this time.

But remember, please review? PLEASE!

I've got 40000 hits, and just over a hundred reviews! If you're reading this, please review! Pleasssse!

Oh, and on a side note, go check out my profile. I've got two new stories up for viewing. Hopefully, this should spread my writer's block thin enough for me to really start writing again.

Well, that's all. Tell me in a REVIEW what you think of the section.

Until next time,

Xingster

P.S. Enjoy the Omake.

P.P.S. Today's my birthday... could i have a present of a REVIEW! THANKS!

P.P.P.S. Did you enjoy the little fluff i put in there? FORESHADOWING! WHAHAHAHAHA! Not that great at fluff, but i gave it a shot. There's a upcoming Naruhina arc... just bare with me, will ya? REVIEW!

* * *

Staff Meeting

Xingster: Well, after the Fiasco of the last couple of meetings, I called an end to these damn things. Costing me a fortune in beer and ramen. But it looks as though we're good for business once again. So… Before we get started, I'd like to introduce some people…

Master Chief: LOLOLOLOLOL1 PW3NG3 TIM3!

Arbiter: Do you really have to do that? I thought you were restricted to PSAs.

MC: Nobodies kan stopz meh! Beer!

Arbiter: Sorry. *Sighs* I'll take care of him.

Xingster: Please do. Now, as I was saying, I'd like to introduce a few more cast members to our otherworldly crew. Making the jump this time, I would like to introduce Mr. Harry Potter, Mr. Ronald Weasley, and Ms. Hermione Granger. They'll be joining the Fanon Corps, since the PSA and AMV corps would get their asses sued to Jupiter…

Naruto: What? You can't be serious? I'm working with these amateurs?

Xingster: Naruto. *Sighs* You had no idea how much trouble I had pulling them in. Their contract is easily worth ten times yours. Just hang with me, k?

Naruto: *Nods* Fine, but I'm not picking up after you three.

Xingster: You won't have to. They'll be pulling your sorry ass around in a little bit. Anyway, I've got a couple more people to introduce to the Fanon Corps… We have Urd, Belldandy, Skuld, and Kenichi here. They'll be working with you as well, Naruto.

Naruto: WHAT! FANGIRLS! RUN AWAY! *Takes off, breaks door, trailing behind half of the vegetable garden*

Xingster: *Sighs* And there he goes again. Destroys half the garden too…"

Josh: Want me to get him?

Xingster: Please. HEY, CHIEF! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE! I GOT YOU A DRINKING BUDDY!

Urd: _Excuse me_?

Xingster: *Shrugs* Hey, its free booze. I wouldn't turn it down.

Arbiter: No, chief. That's not a toy!

MC: ROFL! I CAN HAZ ROFLCOPTER OF DEATH!

Xingster: *Facepalms* Goddamnit, Chief. That's for a rainy day. PUT IT DOWN AND GO GET A BEER!

MC: LOLMISSILES AWAY!

Xingster: Go, 1337COUNTER!

The Blinding flash of light destroys the Gamecube stashed away, Chief is down for the count.

Xingster: Urd, take this idiot and go get a beer. I'll have Sake in by the tenth. Jiriaya, Grandma, go with them. I can't take this many people in one room. Belldandy, if you don't mind, go help out Hinata, Ishida, Hayate, and Akito in the kitchen. God knows they're overworked enough. Skuld, you'll find Jabba under the staircase. He'll need an assistant.

They all nod and walk off.

Negi: Trouble, Xingster-san?

Xingster: Yeah… All the projects are stalled. At the rate I'm going, I'm gonna have to start cutting contracts. First to go will be Chief's. I swear that idiot drinks his weight in beer every week.

Kenichi: Urd's worse. She drinks to recharge her powers.

Xingster: *Waves him off* Not anymore. I've got a power barrier set up. Use power to your heart's content, oh, and you can use my old computer. No internet, but the UPS should stop any power outages. You'll find everything you need, but whatever you do, don't touch the emergency transceiver. Naruto and Hinata learned that the hard way.

Ichigo: Yo.

Xingster: Hey, strawberry! Glad to see you could make it. I'd like to introduce my main crew. This is Negi, and he's been working on Fanon and AMVs. Naruto's been working everywhere, Chief's nailing down the PSAs, and Josh is my second-in-command, out trying to retrieve Naruto right now. I trust you've read your contract?

Ichigo: Yeah. The Anime's kinda lagging right now, and I need some extra cash.

Negi: I know what you mean, Ichigo-san.

Xingster: You _do know_ that you won't make _this_ production cycle, right?

Ed: Hey, what about me?

Xingster: No, you won't make this cycle either. I'm still having trouble establishing a drop point, shorty.

Ed: Don't call me short! I'll-

Xingster: Rip my legs off and stick them on my head? Good luck with that.

Josh: Caught him. Almost ran into that huge sled dog, though.

Xingster: The Husky? He's harmless. Just make sure not to get in his way when he's running around. Damn near dragged a SUV down the road… Anyway, Naruto, I'd like you to meet-

?: Nar-Nar!

Naruto: FUCK! RUN! *Takes off, destroys the rest of the vegetable garden*

Xingster: *Facepalms* Who the fuck told you that you could come in here? Cuz it sure as hell wasn't me.

MC: LOL!

Xingster: CHIEF!

And hence the reason I don't hold these things that often. Massive property damage is _not_ something I relish repairing.

* * *

_**Please review!**_


	24. Chapter 23

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT REGARDING THE FUTURE OF THIS SERIES IN THE A/N. READ OR BE LOST!

Chapter XXIII: C6H2(NO2)3CH3

Deidara flexed his hand, feeling the clay press into his hand, feeling it mold into several smallish bombs. "Hey, Pain-sama. When do we go?"

"Now. The Kyuubi Jinchuriki has gotten too powerful. Aim to kill him. You should then be able to capture him. Has the bijuu settled?"

"Hai. Now my art will be spread to even more people! The world shall know of my work!"

"Hey, hey! Deidara-senpai! Doesn't that look like your work?"

The pyromani- I mean, the explosives expert turned around and saw that his partner was pointing to a nearby chamber pot.

"Tobi…"

"Oh, right!" He ran over, dropped his pants, and took a dump inside the pot. "There we go!" The masked Akatsuki chirped. "Now it really is your work!"

The resulting explosion could be heard in Iwa.

* * *

Josh sighed as he tagged another fangirl, the sedative in the dart neutralizing the poison as well placing a tracer in the bloodstream that emitted harmless radiation. This, along with a big enough dish, plus a computer, would allow him to keep track of any fangirl tagged for the next fifty years.

"I'm not paid enough for this…"

"… Like you have any fucking right to talk."

The swordsman looked up to see Uzu staggering toward him, looking definitely worst for wear. While they couldn't destroy him, due to the convenient fact that his body was made from pure energy, they sure could do some major damage.

As we all know, energy cannot be destroyed. That's basic physics. However, it can be concentrated, dissipated, and transformed.

The fangirls had given him such a bad pounding that it had caused portions of his jumpsuit to fall off and disintegrate, putting down dozens of potholes in the already heavily damaged street.

"Look what the cat dragged in."

"… Oh, hardy-har-har. Look what crawled out of the gulf coast."

To be honest, the insult was quite accurate.

While the sludge was blackish at deployment and first glance, after a few minutes of exposure and spreading it would turn a disgusting shade of brown, similar to unrefined oil. Shielding was an advanced form of sealing, so the sludge had bypassed his shield, coating his armor. The only form of shield it couldn't bypass was the Guardian Shield, and that was only partially, due to its unique hybrid nature.

"You know what? Fuck you. Just get Naruto. Tell him to let us back inside the gate."

"… I would, but there's one problem."

"Oh?"

Uzu pointed. "The boss is gone. So is Hinata. The only two people we know who can let us back inside are gone."

Josh growled, tightening his grip around a fangirl's neck until he heard a crunching noise, indicating that he had just broken someone's neck. "Ah… yeah… that's… uh… collateral damage. You never saw that happen, Uzu."

"…Saw what happen?"

Josh facepalmed. "Never mind."

"… Holy shit, a dead person. Did you do that?"

"No. No, are you stupid? I just told you I didn't snap this person's neck out of anger."

"… Oh, all right. I just thought-"

"Yeah, well, you thought wrong."

"SHIZUNE!"

* * *

"Hai, Tsunade-sama?"

"How many have you healed?"

The black-haired woman looked thoughtful for a moment. "Ano… I think about, thirty, at last count. Mostly bruises and broken bones."

"Yo."

"AHII!"

"Kakashi! Get down here!" Tsunade barked, putting another hole in the wall.

"Hai, hai."

The masked ninja dropped down from the ceiling and landed smoothly. "I see Naruto did a number on Konoha's Fangirl population."

Tsunade was grinding her teeth so hard to the point where you could hear them starting to splinter. In an effort to save her mentor's teeth, Shizune spoke up. "Kakashi-san, it was actually Josh-san-"

"_NO HONORIFICS, DAMNIT!_"

The three shinobi looked around in shock as the small tinny voice shot though the room, seemingly without a source.

"Josh-s-?"

"_NO HONORIFICS! GODDAMNIT, I HATE HONORIFICS!_"

"Josh-s-"

"_Kakashi_," the voice came through threateningly. "_If you call me that one more time, I'm gonna round up your Icha Icha collection, burn them, and make sure that you're put on the blacklist so that when the idiot puts out the new one, you'll never get one. Shizune, if you call me that one more time, I'll tell Tsunade all of your secrets, and Tsunade, if you call me that, I'll tell all of Konoha your real age and appearance. That genjutsu is nothing compared to my cameras._"

The same three shinobi, shocked a second ago, were now all scared. Tsunade and Kakashi of Josh, and Shizune of Tsunade. One fact did penetrate their skulls, though.

"Naruto's writing a new Icha Icha?"

The sigh over the speaker sounded like a sandblaster on sandpaper, punctured with intermingled pings and bangs. It sounded as though while he was carrying on this conversation with the three of them, he was also trying to chip away at Naruto's seal system.

"_Yeah-_" _**Bang!**_"_He's been-_" _**Clank!**_ "_Writing it for-_" _**Ping!**_ "_Centuries now_. _Don't know when he's going to-_" _**Crack!**_ "_Finish it, though. FUCK! That's an expensive sword-_" _**BOOM!**_

The explosion that rang through the speakers rattled the windows, then, when the actual wave reached them, shattered them.

Either Naruto or Minato had taken forced entry via blade very seriously. The explosion had drilled a six-foot hole into the street, but all Josh was doing was cursing the destruction of his sword.

"_Goddamned blast buttons. They're scattered all throughout the wall. Hit one, and most people'll go up in smoke. Luckily I hit a small one, or the Hyuga Estate woulda been nothing more than a scrap heap. Oh, it's Hiashi-_ _HEY! THE HELL ARE YOU- THAT'S NOT MEANT TO BE- THAT'S IT! INITIAL GUARDIAN ART-_"

Another explosion rocked the village, this time depositing a smoking and bruised Hiashi through the window of their hospital room. "Nani?"

"_Oi! Sent Hiashi packing. Anyway, do you have any plans for the Manor? I'll try going in from underground._"

"We already tried that-"

"_With an amateur, of course you failed. I've stormed more fortresses then I care to count, and most times, if they've got the air covered, the next best way in is underground. I know the dojo has a brick-lined staircase that would allow for some degree of forced entry, and that staircase is probably sealed to stop people from tunneling in. But I'll do something else._"

"Which is-" Tsunade started.

"_Shaped blasting charges from underground. They're generally used for by the mining companies for large mineral deposits, but I secured a handful and keep them on hand for the more… persistent problems. Send someone over with them, and make sure they're accurate. If I miss by so much as an inch, the entire village'll get fucking leveled. Josh out._"

The radio clicked off with the sound of digging and mild snoring, presumably from Uzu.

Silence was immediate, overwhelming, and most of all, awkward. Nobody knew how to top that exit. Of course, Josh was simply following the Guardian Credo. 'Guardians never say the "I" word. Anything is possible if you have enough time, money, and high explosives.' Of course, Josh, being the person that he was, had more then enough of all three.

* * *

"Is this it?"

"Hai, Deidara-senpai! This is Konoha!"

"Really, Tobi. This is Konoha?"

"Hai!"

"Then," Deidara sighed, "Why are there hundreds of shinobi with _Suna_ headbands facing us?"

"Hai!"

"Tobi… you are _so _dead…"

"Hai!"

The two didn't get much further as the desert around them swirled, tried to envelop them, and ended with the two fleeing Suna with shuriken and kunai flying at them, Tobi being chased by Deidara with bijuu-enhanced bombs. "KATSU!"

"Deidara-senipai! Mercy!"

"KATSU!"

* * *

"All right… if this blueprint is to be trusted… this house's security system's weakest point should be that staircase… since it was added after the building was finished… A bouncing barrier, reforming generator, and sixteen blasting buttons… shouldn't be anything that could stop something on this scale…"

As Josh examined the blueprints, muttering to himself, Sakura was busy being strangled by an irate Uzu after she had tried to wake him up, despite the swordsman's offhand warning never to do so. Regardless of her monster strength, Uzu had her arms pinned in position where she couldn't exert force without extreme pain, his other hand at her neck, choking her sadistically.

"That's enough, Uzu… Let her go before the idiot gets even more paperwork and gets dragged in for another meeting…"

"… If you say so." And with that, he let her go, who immediately put him through the wall of the Hyuga Estate.

"Stupid Uzu…" Josh muttered as Uzu hopped back through the wall, hair rumpled, but otherwise unhurt. "Let's see… if I place these two here, that should cause the staircase to collapse, but the blasting buttons'll go off. If I put them at eight o' clock, they might level this quarter of the village… Hey! Tsunade! What's over thata way about a quarter of a mile?" He vaguely gestured to the left.

"Just the Uchiha Estate. Nobody's been there for years-"

"Perfect. Eight o' clock it is. Now to dig a tunnel… Uhh… you guys might want to stand back. I've detected a seal underneath the ground and cutting through it could prove messy."

Everyone took his advice, especially Kiba, after his disastrous last attempt when he had ended up on the menu at Ichiraku's.

After everyone who valued their skins had gotten out to what they thought was a safe distance, Josh drew his sword and held it, blade-down, flipped one palm and pulled out until it was only energy holding it in place. "Right. Let's get started… Initial Guardian Art-"

What came next was inaudible, but what they could see was him jerking his palms in opposite directions, causing the sword to spin. However, it hovered in midair, and even as they watched, he repositioned his hands and repeated the action. This time, even Kakashi lost track of the rate of spin with his Sharingan. To the average observer, the sword was no more then a silverish blur which Josh carefully lowered to the pavement several times, aimed, slammed down his visor, and whacked repeatedly at the rock, pulverizing it, then to the ground underneath, which fell apart like cheese in a blender.

Of course, all of that material had to go somewhere. Most of it went into the Hyuga's Koi pond. The rest of it landed in various spots around the village, crushing plants, people, and exploding cows alike on impact.

After the Koi pond had filled up and resembled nothing more then a manure pile in Southeast Asia, Hiashi's hoarse yell came from the hospital and he shunshined into the area, Byakugan flaring and hungry for blood.

"WHERE IS HE!" The clan head yelled as he looked around. Seeing nothing on the surface, a flash of motion underground caught his attention.

Before anyone could stop him, he dove into the tunnel after Josh and the muckstorm.

Unfortunately for him, Josh had reached the appropriate depth and now had to drill laterally. This involved him pulling his hand back and slamming the sword into the wall, but as luck would have it, as soon as he pulled his hand back, his right gauntlet slammed into Hiashi's crotch with no little force, and as he fell even further, repeated hits landed on his stomach, sternum, throat, nose, and forehead.

He did catch one lucky break. Due to the fact that Josh was emitting energy to expel the waste from behind him, Hiashi got caught up in some dirt and was flung into the air, tearing his way though Ichiraku's fan and landing in the steaming broth pot. Unlike Kiba, who was fully conscious, Hiashi was out of it, so he just sat there while the broth cooked his ass.

As the hapless head simmered away in a pot of miso, the remainder of the crowd held their collective breaths as Josh finally hit the seal barrier, causing the entire dome to light up a blinding silver as energy was diverted to protect the bottom. This was an obvious upgrade from before, as when Kiba had tried tunneling in, there had been no secondary barrier underground.

Despite the enhanced security, Josh soon penetrated the underground barrier, pushing forward to right next to the staircase. He let up on the energy spinning his sword and tucked the blade under one arm.

With his other hand, he slotted out two small charges and placed them inside the wall of the tunnel. Using his filters, he picked out the edges of the staircase and set the charges accordingly.

As soon as he was done covering the charges with a thin layer of dirt, he turned tail and came back up the tunnel, gesturing for Uzu to stand next to him.

"Now. I've set the charges so that the ends of the blasts will emerge in the Uchiha Estate. The shockwave will spread somewhat, but there's not much I can do about that on such short notice."

"Hang on. Did you say blasts? As in plural?" Shikamaru started as Josh slotted his sword away after checking it for damage.

"Well, yeah. Any good demolitions expert always has a backup charge. But that tunnel isn't meant to hold up for a long time. So I put both in and I'll be detonating both at the same time. Should result in a nice big bang, eh? Uzu, you're with me. As soon as that goes off, we're going down the rabbit hole. Ready?"

"… No, but I don't think you're going to give me much choice, now are you?"

Josh slipped two pieces of cotton inside his helmet to cushion his ears. "Nope. On three?"

"… Three?"

"THREE!"

The single explosion ripped its way through the wall of the staircase, and as all of them stood on the shaky ground, Josh vanished, rapidly followed by Uzu. However, the latter didn't stay gone for long, as the shockwave had obviously been too much for him to hold on. After the tremors had stopped and the civilians' screaming and died down somewhat, they all peered inside the smoking hole to see Uzu scrunched up against the end, coughing weakly.

Chalk up two humans, two squirrels, two cows, two fish, and two chickens on the casualties list. Somewhere out there, Noah was turning in his grave…

* * *

"Naruto-kun?"

The only response was the blond's slow and rattling breaths. No response, no indication that he had heard. Just the fading breathing.

"Byakugan… no… NO!"

The news her eyes were feeding to her was fatal, but she refused to believe them.

Naruto's chakra coils were shutting down. Slowly, but surely. This was a fatal condition, since a chakra coil couldn't be reignited. Even Kyuubi's chakra was only slowing down the process. Nothing but a demon could live on Demonic Chakra, and as he pumped more into the system, it would eventually overwhelm the residual Human Chakra, burn his chakra tubes, and cause them to collapse, resulting in death.

There was no known treatment.

Still, she had to try. She could never live with herself unless she did.

"Ninpou… Shosen Jutsu…"

The Mystic Palm, _the_ signature move of all medics lit up on Naruto's stomach, directly over Kyuubi's seal. The transfer of chakra would buy him some time, if only a few minutes. There was _nobody_ she knew in Konoha that could support someone with Naruto's energy consumption.

Nobody except-

At that moment, the entire house shook to the very core as an explosion rang out. Dust and debris tore the dojo door right off its hinges, splattering both of them with muck and leaving cuts and scrapes all over her body after she dove to cover Naruto's prone form.

She instantly pulled out a kunai and took up a defensive position near the blond, activating her Byakugan to see a shadowy figure straighten up and approach the stairs, a knife in hand.

"Put your butter knife down, girl. Before you take your own eye out by accident." Josh's filtered voice rang out through the void, sounding for all the world, artificial.

"Josh-sa-"

"GODDAMNIT! NO FUCKING HONORIFICS! WHAT IS SO FUCKING HARD ABOUT THAT? IT'S ONE GODDAMNED SIMPLE REQUEST, AND YOU PEOPLE CAN'T FOLLOW IT! I CAN SEE NOW WHERE NARUTO PICKED UP THE GODDAMNED HABIT!"

"Ano…"

"And this is why I don't purely rely on organic systems…" Josh muttered as he whipped out his pistol and swapped out the rounds. "They're good, but as soon as you push them a little too far, this is what happens. Right. Stand back."

"What-"

"You honestly think that this is the first time this has happened? The best thing I've found to do is to give him an overcharge in his coils. That usually kickstarts his system back to normal. Doesn't always work though. When that happens, you're going to need a direct transfer of energy. The closer the energy frequency and higher the amount, the better. If the coils detect some starter chakra, they'll restart on their own… Unfortunately, energy frequency matches are ridiculously rare, and the idiot's is always fluctuating…" As he spoke, Josh was busy adding several instruments to his handgun, checking to make sure they were firmly attached.

"There we go… All is set. Bon-Bon, get the charged dart. Arm the dart. How much time we got?"

"Fights or no?"

"Both."

"Thirty and sixty, respectively."

"That doesn't leave me much time… RCP?"

"Forty-three and climbing at sixty. The energy transformer is having trouble keeping with the energy fluctuations. It doesn't help the problem that the power is coming from you…"

"Yeah, well, at least my energy is stable. But still, it leaves me a three-second window."

"Ano… can I help?"

Josh didn't even bother looking up. "No. Your energy frequency isn't tested. I'm not even sure that it's the same bandwidth. You'd just do more harm if it wasn't even vaguely compatible. Stay out of this."

"But-"

"Why don't I scan her power frequency?"

"Do we have enough time?"

The AI paused and waited a handful of cycles before replying into Josh's private earpiece instead of the intercom. "_Already done. Quite amazing. She's got the exact same frequency as Naruto. That would explain-_"

"-Her ability to bypass the security seals. But my analysis of the seals-"

"_Yes… there's something else…_"

Josh grinned as he beckoned for Hinata to draw closer again. "And I know what it is."

"_What-_"

"Later. I'll tell you later. Right now, we have to save the idiot's life…"

Opening up his external speakers again, he said to the now-kneeling Hinata, "Place your hands on the metal nub and channel all the energy you can spare. It seems as though you're just what we need to revive the idiot. Now… some juice, if you please?"

"Juice?"

"Tech shorthand term for energy. Please? We've got thirty seconds."

"Ano… I already used all the energy I had earlier…"

"Doesn't have to be much. Anything?"

"Josh, we don't have much time left. He's starting to struggle…"

"Ah, fuck it. Looks I'm gonna have to do a DET."

"How can you know so-"

The swordsman popped his visor and screwed off his right gauntlet, giving the girl a funny look all the while. "I worked with the idiot for sixteen hundred years. I know his weaknesses and strengths. I also know that, for a guardian, he's powerful, but also high maintenance. Like I already said, if you think that this is the first time this has happened, you're crazier then those fangirls that were outside, and they were one step away from being rabid."

Before she could do anything else, Josh placed his hand on Naruto's navel and blasted a stream of silverish energy into him.

The effect was immediate.

"And… that's another transfusion. Phew. Bon-bon. Chalk up another favor for me."

* * *

"Tobi…" Deidara growled,

"Hai?"

"This is NOT Konoha."

"But, senpai! Look at the trees!"

"Tobi! There are six trees and a shitload of angry _Iwa_ ninja staring us down! And where are the streams?"

"Streams?"

"Yes, Tobi. There are _streams_ of _water_ around Konoha! This is _Iwa_!"

"Are you sure?"

"Tobi. In case you forgot, _I'M_ from Iwa. I'm a nuke-nin. Exactly-"

"Deidara… you brat. What the hell are you doing back here?"

"Onoki… I would show you my art right now, but I'm in a hurry right now. However, my partner will entertain you…"

"Senpai?"

"Ja ne, Tobi!"

"Wait! What am I supposed to do!"

"Use your brain, Tobi. I know you have one in there… somewhere."

"WHAA!"

* * *

"So let me get this straight. Because I took out the fangirls in front of the Hyuga estate, Hiashi wants me up on charges."

"That's right."

"Well, of all the… Tell him, that if he pursues this, I'll press charges of mental endangerment against him. All that stupidity hanging around in the air…"

"And he wants Hinata back."

Josh snorted as he inspected a live medical chart from Naruto's room. "Fuck no! You think I'm gonna hand her back to some whacko like him? Besides, it's not my call. Naruto's the landlord here. I'm just a guest… just a highly destructive guest…"

"… Oh, like you have any right to call him a whacko."

"Shut up, Uzu, or I'll use you as fangirl bait again."

"… Touché…"

"Do you even _know_ what that word means?"

"…No…"

Josh facepalmed. "As I thought. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and neither do the branches. Anyway, Tsunade, tell him no dice. If he wants to get at me so bad, he's welcome to try. You saw the damage I had to do to get in."

"… The dojo is still buried…"

"Uzu, either transform yourself into a bird and sit on my shoulder, or SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU'RE NOT A GODDAMNED PARROT!"

"… Fine. Henge!"

As the smoke cleared, the Hokage could see Josh beating his forehead with the butt of his knife and a Pterodactyl sitting on his shoulder. Strangely enough, the creature seemed to be grinning slightly.

"Goddamnit, Uzu, I'm not Chuck Norris."

The smoke cloud reappeared and Uzu was back on the ground. "…Never said you were. You did say a bird."

"Pterodactyls aren't fucking birds you moron! They're goddamned DINOSAURS!"

"… Huh… so that's why…"

"Yes, that's why Blaze can't fucking summon a Pterodactyl. God knows that it would have been useful that one time…"

"… Was that the fourth time we-"

"Stormed hell? Fuck yeah!"

"I don't mean to interrupt your little nostalgia session-" Tsunade interrupted.

"And yet you did anyway."

"… How rude…"

Tsunade would have ripped both from limb to limb, but the gate stopped her. "What are we going to do about Hiashi!"

"_I'm_ not going to do anything. He's _your_ subject, isn't he?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then he's _your_ problem. If he wants to sue me, fine. I'll countersue his ass back into the ground. If he wants to attack me, even better. I'll have an excuse to kill him, not that I already don't. Now, if you'll excuse me, lunch is calling my name."

"… That's Hinata."

"Eh. Close enough. She made lunch."

* * *

"Ah… that's some nice cooking. Uzu?"

"… I don't eat."

"Hmm…"

"Ano…"

Josh sighed and put down his fork. "Let me guess. You want me to teach you how to heal Naruto if I'm not around, right?"

"H-Hai."

"Well, if I'm gonna do that," the swordsman belched, "Excuse me. As I was saying, grow a backbone! I don't teach cowards, timid, or lazy people!"

"… You are _such_ a hypocrite."

"Hey," he defended himself. "If you come to me lazy for training, you'll die. My training will MAKE you lazy. You have to take chances; otherwise, you'll never go far. So-" Josh stated as he stood up, "Use your famed Jyuken and hit me in the face."

"But, if I do, you'll-"

"I'll what? Die?"

"… Jyuken isn't something to mess around with, Josh."

"I'll be fine."

"… I got dibs on your armor when you die."

"To be honest, I wouldn't mind if she could kill me. Anything to avoid that next meeting…"

* * *

They soon shifted down to the dojo, Josh blasting the rubble clear with a small rocket and putting up a few support beams.

"There. That should hold."

Josh led the way down into the Dojo, swept it once with his rifle, then put it away.

"Now, Ms. Double-SSS, let's see what you got."

Taking a deep breath and settling into the traditional Jyuken stance, she intoned, "Hakke-"

She jumped as a shot rang out. Josh had drawn his sidearm and was now taking potshots at her. "What? I never said I was going to let you stand there and take a free shot. Anyone can hit a standing target. Trying to hit someone who's much stronger than you and actively trying to hit you is something else. If you can't do that, if you can't defy the odds time and again, you can forget about me even considering training you."

"Hai!"

"Huh. Wow. Backbone appear already? Now let's see if you can land a hit…"

* * *

"… So, as you see, this is why I should be let out-"

"Ki. Pointing at a graph that says 'I'm on a plane' does not tell us any reason why _you_ should be the next one out."

Naruto's fragment folded its 'arms'. Technically, in the mindscape, nothing had mass, so it was merely an energy projection.

"You guys are no fun in here. And stealing Kyuubi's Icha Icha got old after the sixth time."

"So _THAT'S_ where they went! WHEN I GET MY HANDS, ER, PAWS ON YOU-"

"But you won't. You're stuck in that cage."

Kyuubi growled, but everyone present ignored him. Kyuubi and Ki _never_ saw eye-to-eye, and it didn't help that the latter was the prankster and rudest of the bunch.

"Next up on the order of business-"

"We figure out a way to let Kyuubi loose." A voice interrupted from behind them.

"Glad to see you're up and about, sir."

"Ah Nacht. Kissing ass as-"

"Ki! Not in the mood right now."

'Nacht' shot Ki a venomous look. "My deepest apologies, sir. But with the other two still sealed away, I thought I might start the meeting."

The original waved him off. "You did the right thing. I'm taking over now."

"Sir."

Naruto took the seat that Nacht had once occupied, glancing around at the copies of himself. "Now, as to the matter of Kyuubi…"

"Finished already?"

* * *

Josh stood there, bemused as Hinata struggled to get air in. No matter what trick she tried, hitting the Baum Reject was just simply impossible. Even during the few times she got behind him it seemed as though he had eyes in the back of his head.

_It's just like fighting another Hyuga…_ she thought as her muscles screamed in protest.

"… Testing her like this may break her."

"Better to break now then on a battlefield, Uzu. Then, she not only puts herself at risk, but everyone around her. You've seen the results."

"… The boss-"

"It's not his call." Josh interrupted, checking his clip before rapidly slamming a new one home. "She asked _me_ to train her. Therefore, she must pass my test. If she wants to change sensei later, that's her call, since we're on the same squad. Now, shut up and let me finish this. You're not the only one who wants a goddamned nap right now."

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

"Oho? What's this? Little Miss Hyuga knows the Kage Bunshin? This is interesting…"

"… Dangerous. To both parties. Hinata, don't push yourself too far. Josh, watch out for your balls."

"Shut it, Uzu!"

* * *

"So we are all agreed, for all of our sanities, Ki will be the next one released?"

"Agreed." The others intoned at once, all of them eager to get out of there."

"Good. Now, I'll see you cocksuckers later."

As the rude variant walked off into the recesses of Naruto's mind, all of the others relaxed somewhat. "Good lord-"

"Use not the lord's name in vain, Roo."

"Shut up, Toe."

* * *

"Hakke-"

Josh flared his energy through his shield once again, blinding Hinata, who had her Byakugan activated. Every time she had even come vaguely close to landing that needed hit, he had flared his energy, thwarting her attack. She missed again, narrowly dodging out of the way of another half dozen rounds. At this point, Hinata had retreated up the staircase and moved outside, knowing that the featureless room wouldn't grant her any advantages in fighting the freak of nature.

"Come on, Double-SSS. Bullets ain't free ya know. I gotta buy these puppies by the crateful, and Jabba charges an arm and a leg. Regrowing limbs is a pain."

And with that, he casually put three rounds through Hinata's upper right arm, not breaking the bone, but immobilizing the arm with pinpoint accuracy.

"…Gee, heavy-handed much?"

"I'm running out of stocked ammo. I only carry fifteen extended clips. You don't want me to bust out the IR9, do you?"

Uzu didn't reply from his perch on the wall, merely rolling around and snoring gently.

"Right. Well, you fail if I run out of ammunition before you land a hit. Loosely aiming with my pistol is only possible because the system isn't linked with my HUD. My IR9 is directly linked and will kill you with the first burst. You only have four clips left."

Hinata didn't bother responding, instead, taking advantage of the brief lull to force the bullets out and heal the injury up, though not regaining use of her arm.

"Oh, and ah, just so that you know, these bullets are electrically charged. Until I deliver a countercharge, any limb I hit is useless."

"Hakke-"

Josh sighed and let loose another pulse. She still hadn't gotten the point of the test. Hardly surprising, though. When faced with the strongest opponent they would likely ever face, any sane person would proceed to match their strongest portion up against them, even if it was pointless. The question is, could she see past that?

This time, without her right arm to stabilize her flight, she slammed into the ground headfirst, her abused Kage Bunshin finally detonating as the shell lost its cohesion.

"Pity. Kage Bunshin were one of the few useful things I've never been able to duplicate. If you use them correctly, they're excellent against Guardians like myself. However, with only one and your obvious lack of skill with them as compared to the idiot-"

He stopped at this point to shoot a handful of shuriken out of the air.

"Huh. Shuriken. How nostalgic."

"… You really are a sadistic bastard, aren't you?"

"Shut up and die in your sleep, Uzu."

Forgoing Jyuken altogether, Hinata charged Josh, left hand tightly gripped on a kunai, her right flopping uselessly behind her.

"… Extremely bad idea, Hinata. Josh is an extremely seasoned master of CQC. Although, without his sword, he's not as a big of a threat."

"Shut up, Uzu."

Not even bothering to take out his knife, Josh flipped his pistol and whacked Hinata's kunai, causing it to shatter into tiny pieces in her hand. "Low quality steel. Kunai are deadly if made properly." And with that, he kicked her though a nearby tree.

* * *

"All right. Ki is coming out as soon as I can create a shell. Nacht. You're in charge while I'm gone. Maintain the seal and call me back in if you need to."

"Where are you going?"

The original stood up and dusted off his shoulders.

"I'm gonna try to stay conscious for more then half an hour. We'll go from there."

* * *

"Why don't you give up? I'm down to my last clip, and you still haven't even come close to hitting me. Some of those injuries look downright nasty."

Since kicking her through the tree, he had blocked two Suiton and a Katon jutsu, each time reflecting them back toward their battered caster. What's more, the other handful of times she had gotten close, Josh had kicked her, this time into the far more stable border wall. Nothing serious had cracked yet, but it was getting increasingly hard for Hinata to move.

"… You really should stop, Hinata. The only person who's ever passed this test on the first try is the boss, and even then, barely."

"And I was going easy on him."

"… Seriously?"

Josh shrugged as he sidestepped another attack. "He was already a Guardian at that point. Me not using charged rounds against him was giving him a major handicap. Plus, I didn't have my armor yet, so I couldn't send him flying with energy pulses. Whoops…"

He sidestepped another attack, this time bringing the butt of his pistol down on her back, knocking the wind out of her and sending her sprawling. "Give up. You haven't seen the true point of this test. And time is now-"

**BOOM!**

"Bonnie. Sit-rep, NOW!"

"Naruto has broken through the stasis field. Residual Energy Signatures indicates an Elementally-Enhanced Rasengan, profile matches a Base Rasenshuriken."

"At that range? He'd rip himself to shreds in his current state."

"Unknown. However, I have a hypothesis."

"Proceed. Let me consider what that bonehead has done this time."

"Between his return to consciousness and the energy blast that let him loose, there was a loss of internal sensors, disabled manually. I suspect that after regained his senses, he stabbed the sensors with wind-enhanced digits, formed a Rasenshuriken, and then proceeded to use it not as a explosive, but rather as a giant shuriken, cutting through the inner membrane, which contains all of the countermeasures, then Haraishined out of the premises."

"Current location?"

"Unknown. The IFF satellites are not yet in place, so I was unable to track him. However, he did momentarily materialize at Ichiraku Ramen for reasons unknown, then proceeded to teleport beyond the range of established sensors. What do we do next?"

Josh was silent for a few seconds, pondering this latest development. Before he could do much else, though, Hinata dove at him, her good hand extended, ready for a direct hit.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!"

Bringing up his pistol, Josh unleashed the last of the clip, a seven round burst, aimed right at Hinata. However, the results would be rather mixed this time.

Using her Byakugan, she had seen Josh had a slight firing quirk prior to every shot fired. The off-shot hand, that is to say, the weaponless hand, twitched slightly prior to pulse firing, wavered for singled shots.

"KAITEN!"

The Full Metal Jacket rounds, having already been sent on their paths, hit Hinata's Kaiten. However, with her right arm not working, the Kaiten was only a half sphere, four of the rounds splattered harmlessly on her incomplete shield, two were deflected uselessly away into space, but the seventh round was deflected right back at Josh, who already had his gun away and was busy issuing commands to a overworked AI.

"Projectile inbound. Profile matches .45 IP7 round. Evade!"

"What?"

Josh ducked and twisted at the same time, the armor, along with his reflexes were never meant to dodge bullets, instead merely to deflect them.

The round splattered harmlessly against his shield, but a hit was a hit.

"Hit registered. Upper right arm, shield partition. Exam results disputed."

"I… did… it…"

Hinata landed hard, winced, then collapsed.

There was silence for a few seconds, with the sole exception of Uzu grumbling and rolling over on the wall to restart his nap.

* * *

Deidara palmed his face again. "Tobi. Do you know _how_ to read a map?"

"Hai! Senpai!"

"Then, please. For the love of this world, kill the goddamned teacher that taught you how to."

"Yo, yo. You got a really dumb head, but it doesn't matter, since you'll soon be dead!"

"And the Hachibi still can't wrap. Right. I'm off to Konoha. Tobi, you stay here and keep them busy."

"How?"

"The same way you kept Onoki and the others busy. Throw something at them."

"WHAA!"

* * *

Naruto landed heavily in the middle of a forest, grasping a nearby tree for support. Breaking out of the stasis field had taken alot out of his recently-regenerated Chakra Coils. Still without access to Kyuubi's Chakra, it was rather hard to pull off long attack combos like that even with his tanks full.

After resting for a few minutes and getting his bearings, the blond staggered off in a seemingly random direction, knocking over stones, breaking branches, and walking into trees, again, seemingly at random.

But this was all really an elaborate act. Despite the fact that he and the Kyuubi shared energy coils and minds to a certain extent, both had isolated chambers that they kept secret from each other. Kyuubi kept the distant past, as well as his most potent techniques, hidden. Naruto had stashes of half-completed jutsu, hiding spots, and secrets hidden away.

It was toward one of these hiding spots he was now staggering toward. Despite the fact that the Kyuubi had forced him to trash his supply of Senzu Beans, in the brief hours before he had his memories extracted and broken, he had one of his contacts hide a small stash of Senzu Beans away, making sure it was locked away in a place where it would be easily recovered.

Well, easily recovered was right. The Guardian, a Memory Expert, was one of the ones who broke his memory, and the beans' location was located in the first portion.

Perfect.

Having reached a small creek, he took a brief moment to dunk his head inside before continuing upstream to the spring that fed it. A small patch of rocks was roughly shoved aside as he dug in the ground. When he felt smooth wood, Naruto drew his hand back, bit this thumb to draw blood, and wiped a small amount on the crate.

Unfortunately, the person who had sealed this was both paranoid and had a sense of humor. The crate rose on a column of earth while a surprised and swearing blond fell in a deep crater.

_**Looks like Cali got you good again. She was always outclassing you in pranks.**_

_Shut up._

Naruto scrambled up the hole and up the column, undoing four clasps to reveal a small and dusty pouch, which Naruto immediately picked up and tucked away, then setting the crate on fire before hopping down and walking away, this time randomly into the forest. The Haraishin, being a teleportation technique, was easily jammed by Guardians with even a small amount of ability in sealing. In fact, where he had teleported was as close as he could safely go.

Any further, and he ran the risk of being reduced to a pile of ash by the conflicting energies.

After he found another creek, this one a bit deeper and more turbulent, Naruto sat down, exhausted. Technically, he wasn't supposed to have moved out of the stasis field for another two days at the earliest, but he had never been one for technicalities.

He looked at the sun, saw that he still had a few minutes, then pulled out the small pouch and upended it into his hand. Five Senzu Beans, all of them slightly wrinkled with age bounced pathetically into his hand. That was it. All the backup cells he had. No Kyuubi, and no Josh, who had mentioned in passing that all the beans he left were for himself.

Five beans against six, potentially seven Bijuu-Enhanced Akatsuki members.

"Fuck My Life."

* * *

Author's Notes:

Yo, all.

Been two extremely busy months for me.

Finishing up high school, so college is up next. Gotta get those applications in. Along with the four AP classes chewing out of my ass and writer's block, it is rather hard to write sometimes.

Anyway, on to the note regarding the future of this series.

Timeless will be going on a Pseudo-Hiatus.

Now, the keyword here is "Pseudo".

Before ChronoMitsurugi starts a lynch mob to kill me, let me explain why it is a "Pseudo" Hiatus and not a true Hiatus.

I've been going back and rereading some of the older chapters, and to be frank, they're kinda embarassing.

So, during this Pseudo-Hiatus, i'll be going back and rewriting the first 8-10 chapters of Timeless, to bring them up to my current caliber of writing. Dont worry, the plotline wont change any, it's the fact that the lack of the number of reviews is disappointing, and i think the first couple of chapters is turning people off of this story.

So it's a Pseudo-Hiatus, but a Working Hiatus.

So go and get the originals before they're taken down **_FOREVER!_**

I think that's about it for now.

Since i'm going on this Pseudo-Hiatus, i havn't gotten the first part of the next chapter plotted out, but please hang with me. The long spans between chapters are me trying to fill in things in the middle of chapters. I know the start and the finish, it's just hard getting there.

Till next time.

Xingster


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter XXIV: Sonic Boom, Roar!

"Anything?"

"Nothing. No bijuu detected within fifty miles."

"Right. Let's set up a couple of defenses. Inventory?"

As Josh talked to Bonnie, Uzu treated Hinata's wounds with the remainder of one of the swordsmaster's medi-kits. "… Typical Josh. He's always been harsh in testing new protégé. Not as hard as the boss though-"

"Who's got a total of one active student." Josh deadpanned. "Whereas I have five. So don't even get me started on being harsh on potential students."

"… Yes, but you have a habit of making your students extremely lazy."

"Naruto has the even worse habit of killing his students." Josh shot back, picking up a turret that appeared seemingly from thin air.

"… Where the hell did that turret come from?"

"Huh? Oh, this thing?" Josh shrugged. "Just something old I had tucked away in a corner. Been refitting the _Strife_ lately, so decent turrets are hard to come by. Got lucky and found something that I missed last time. How's Ms. Double-SSS?"

"… She's stable. Your little electro-shock bullet stunt was a bit harder to treat."

Josh sighed and hefted the turret to his shoulder. "That's your job. I'm gonna set up a few defenses around the village. Get her to the stasis field and come help me when you're done. Bonnie doesn't detect anything at the moment, but I expect that to change."

"I-Is Naruto-kun alright?"

"Ah! So you're awake. Well, to tell you the truth, I have no idea where the fuck he is." He shrugged. "Hiraishined off to god knows where after he woke back up."

"How about up your butt and around the corner? Sennin Goroshi!"

Josh didn't even bother moving, leaving Naruto to break four of his fingers on his energy shield. "Forgot about the shield and that technique not working on me, eh?"

"FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCC-"

"… What is with the extended cursing lately?"

* * *

"DOUBLE FUUUUUUUCCCCCCC-"

"Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu!"

"Whack-a-Mole no- WAAAAH!"

"Katsu! Katsu, DAMNIT!"

"Deidara-senpai! Explosives don't work well underwater!"

"KATSU!"

When one is trying to overload a soggy explosive with energy to cause it to detonate, one must be careful not to put too much initial energy into the detonation, lest you cause a-

_**KABOOM!**_

With a huge explosive report, the bomb that Deidara had been trying to detonate for five minutes finally combusted, sending him, Tobi, the Mizukage, four score of Mizu ANBU, and a chicken that had unfortunately wandered into the blast radius, all flying in different directions.

* * *

"Huh. I swear someone just detonated a huge bomb. Ah well. Feeling like yourself again, Naruto?"

"I have four broken fingers. DO YOU THINK I FEEL LIKE MYSELF!"

"Yep. He's fine. Double-SSS, feeling a little better?"

"H-Hai. Just… a little faint."

"Ah, that's just blood loss. You'll get over blood loss. Just need to drink some orange juice!"

"…Two quarts?"

Josh didn't deem to reply, instead kicking Uzu though another wall, this time taking out Naruto's stove, which if you believe it or not, was gas-powered. The escaping gas, as well as a spark sparked off another explosion which caused another section of the house to collapse. "Ah. Yeah. UZU DID IT!"

Hinata sweatdropped.

* * *

"Ugh… finally shook off that annoying Tobi…"

"No, senpai!"

"Wha? How the hell-"

"Whack-a-Mole no Jutsu, senpai!"

Deidara facepalmed. "Right." He said wearily. "Let's get to _Konoha_ this time."

"Hai! Senpai!"

* * *

"Right. Primary firing control is up and going. Uzu. Take this riot shield and go test it out."

"… I don't think that a riot shield is going to protect me from 120mm cannon shells."

"Nonsense. I picked this up from a dead commando. Put a thousand rounds into it, and it was fine. Finally had to go up and stab the poor bastard in the temple."

"… Were you using BBs?"

Josh snorted, tightening another bolt. "Are you insulting me? 7.62 AP rounds, of course. Woulda used 50 cal, but there wasn't enough room to eject the casings. _And the douche fucking modded. Fucking aimbot. But I got the better deal. Invulnerability, bitch. _" He muttered under his breath. "Anyway, get on that, will ya? I'll get the next one set up. And where the hell is my cow?"

"… I've got a couple of Kage Bunshin on it."

"You had better. All this work is giving me an appetite.

"… What work? All you've been doing is telling me to go get shot by an anti-aircraft cannon."

"Who's been mounting the cannons to the walls?"

"I hate to interrupt your little lovefest," Naruto interjected, still waving around his fingers, but the riot shield will have to wait. Uzu, get Hinata to the stasis field and sedate her. Josh, get your ass up there and take that fucking turret down. I don't want a mushroom cap on my roof if I can help it."

"… Something you need to tell us, boss?"

"Nothing right now." The original blond said shortly. "You'll find out soon enough."

"N-Naruto-kun?"

"Not now. Deidara and Tobi are getting near. Rest, and I'll take care of these two idiots."

Josh snorted as he picked up another turret. "With your current power levels and a bijuu or two on their side? Yeah. Not going to work. You're more likely to vaporize a black hole then defeat those two right now. Let me get the turrets and a seal system set up, and then we'll work on taking down those two. Uzu, I need a sit-rep on those two."

"… Why me?"

"Go on. I'll take Hinata back."

"… Right… if you say so, boss."

"That's right. I _do_ say so. Now, get going before I gut you like a fish."

"Naruto-kun. Aren't you being a little-" Hinata asked timidly.

"Nonsense. I just left Nacht dominant instead of Ki and Mak. We're about to go into combat, so it only made sense."

Josh kicked Uzu over the fence to divert any fangirls. "That's odd. You definitely had Roo in charge when we fought the Jashinist."

The blond shrugged, picking Hinata up bridal style. "Eh. Nacht wasn't quite awake yet. Looks like that last memory fragment did it."

"Well-" the swordsman said, poking his head over the damaged border wall. "I'm off. Can you give me a hand with the border seal? Kinda hard to set up something this big by myself. "

Naruto nodded gravely. "I'll get to that."

Josh nodded and hopped over the border fence, immediately taking off at high speed to avoid any potential fangirls. Though nowhere near as bad as Naruto's Fangirl Corps®, Josh also had his own Fangirl Team™ to deal with.

* * *

"Here we go. Stasis field."

Hinata sighed as the warm light washed over her aching limbs. Though Uzu had done a half-decent job at fixing her up, a Medi-kit was only designed for basic treatment. The stasis field, on the other hand, was designed to replicate a mid-level doctor, healing all but the most serious of injuries, which still required direct treatment.

"That should get you fixed up. Now, to take care of those to-"

"Wait, Naruto-kun."

The said blond froze, his hand halfway to his Kunai pouch. The voice _was_ Hinata's, but it didn't _quite_ sound like hers. "If we're doing this, the name is Nacht."

"Oh, Mr. Nacht. My… hero…"

'Nacht' turned just in time to intercept a hit from 'Hinata's right fist. Training took over his rational thoughts. Someone was attacking him. A threat. And what did Nacht do with threats?

He neutralized them. With brutal efficiency, brutal speed, and brutally overall.

Or rather, he tried to.

With an equally brutal grip, 'Hinata' caught Nacht's arm and held it steady.

"What the hell are you?"

"Ah… a fellow ID. You should know me. I paid a visit with my boss to your mindscape not too long ago."

"Mindscape… Wait a second. The only people to have access to the mindscape in the last seven years has been the boss, Josh, Kyuubi, and us. Unless-"

"Unless we came in when that mess of an energy wave was flying around in your head."

"Nigh- I mean, when _it_ nearly got loose, possibly. But only Josh can get in. Nobody else has our energy signature-"

"Who do you think let us in?"

"Impossible. Josh knows not to let anyone-"

"Piggyback?"

'Nacht' facepalmed. "Typical. I suppose Uzu was guarding, was he?"

"Yes. Now, I need a word with your boss."

Nacht was instantly suspicious. If this Hinata could stop one of his attacks cold, despite the fact that he wasn't powered up, then she was nothing to scoff at. "I don't know." He said slowly, reaching for his sword. "I wouldn't feel safe letting him out to face you. I should call this in-"

Hinata slammed Nacht back against the wall, cracking the solid granite siding. "I said, I want to talk to Naruto. You're pretty good, Nacht, but I can already tell that you're not really a combat type, like you pretend to be. Do you want to know how?"

She got out of the stasis field, walked over to Nacht, and whispered two words in his ear. The ID immediately paled.

"Do you get it now?"

"Yes… I get it…" Nacht pulled out a cigarette, stuck it in his mouth, lit it, and had it promptly pulled out and crushed by a scowling Hinata.

"Don't ever smoke those in front of me. They're repulsive."

"Yes, Ma'am. I'll be letting the boss back out now."

Nacht flexed his fingers and put his hands into the trademark positions. After muttering a few words, Naruto's body relaxed and he reopened his eyes blearily. "Great. What kind of mess did Nacht get me into this time?"

"Oooh Naruto-kuuun-" Hinata sang, "Look who it iiiissss!"

Naruto facepalmed. "Fuck."

* * *

Josh hummed a little tune as he set up another turret. "Dum de dum… I feel like Naruto is cornered like a rat… dum de dum…"

"… I think I know how."

"I do too, Uzu. Now just stand still and wait for the shell… three, two, one…"

The resulting explosion and impact sent the fragment cartwheeling though the air.

"Yep. It works."

* * *

"Tobi?"

"Hai! Senpai!"

"You do know what Konoha is, right?"

"Hai! The Village Hidden in the Leaves!"

"Well then, I suppose this fits, but WHY THE FUCK IS THIS A RAT VILLAGE!"

Tobi had stopped paying attention to the explosives expert and was now whispering to a mouse. "See here. That's a bad man. He thinks you guys are rats. He wants to do nothing but-"

"KATSU!"

"MERCY!"

* * *

Josh sniffed the air again, sighing in contentment. "Ah… somewhere, someone is being bombarded for making a stupid decision…"

Uzu, looking rather frazzled after testing six of the turrets, sighed and raised his riot shield again. "… Despite what I say, I'm not ready."

"Right. Oooh. This one fires 200mm HE/A-AR rounds… SWEET!"

"… Fuck my life."

* * *

"So what you're saying is…"

"Yes, Naruto-kun."

"Fuck… I'm outta here. Get back in that stasis field and heal up. I'll be back as soon as I take care of those two."

"Take care of yourself, Naruto-kun." 'Hinata' winked at him.

The blond shuddered as he closed, locked, and sealed the door shut. That wink was too familiar from his memory to be familiar with it.

With another poof of dust, he disappeared from within his house, reappearing next to Uzu, who had just discarded the riot shield in disgust, lazily glaring daggers at Josh, who shrugged and sweatdropped.

* * *

"So, we got a terrorist and a clown. Well, I guess we know who gets what."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Simple. I get the terrorist, since I'm still a hit squad member. And well, the clown. For fuck's sake, do you even have to ask? You wore a goddamned orange jumpsuit for sixteen hundred years."

"I'll have you know-"

"Yeah, Yeah. Orange is the color of the gods. WE STILL HAVEN'T RUN INTO A SINGLE GOD THAT WEARS-"

"FUCK OFF! KAMI WAS WEARING-"

"Her bra doesn't count, Naruto."

As the two continued to bicker, Uzu sat back against another wall, folded his arms, and drifted off again, relinking with Naruto's mind in an attempt to save power. The original still hadn't had the spare energy to recharge his shell. Taking down Akatsuki was more important.

"_Hello, Uzu_."

The fragment cracked open one 'eye' and stared blearily at the person who had spoken. "…_Oh… it's just you, Ki. Wait a second. The only time you're ever polite is when-_"

Yoink!

"… _you steal shit from me. What did you… ah, fucknuts..._"

Ki had taken the Chakra Clone from Uzu and now possessed it.

"… Well, fuck. The boss is gonna kill me. Screw it." He shrugged, leaned over, and snored away.

* * *

"Keep the field stable… Keep the field stable… Would be a helluva lot easier if there weren't more birds in the air then leaves in the forest."

"_What are you bitching about now?_"

"Nothing."

"_Right. Keep the energy flow up. I'm almost done. How the evac coming?_"

Naruto sighed as he thought back a few minutes to when Tsunade had caught them both arguing about where to place the last turret.

* * *

_Flashback Sequence 2.0._

"No, for the last time. Putting a cannon atop Ichiraku's is a bad idea. The shells would melt though the ceiling!"

"They'll be fine. The amount of heat generated by this model is fine. It's just a 36mm cannon…"

"THOSE ARE STILL ANTI-TANK ROUNDS-"

"And it's also the defense of last resort. If nothing else, it should buy everyone enough time to get away. I took on a person like this before. This one's shielded, and that's final. We still need to get a seal system down-"

"OI!"

"Oh, look, it's grandma. Hey, granny. Tell the ANBU to get their asses in motion and start evacing this place. I can't guarantee that we're going to be able to take down the terrorist without flattening this place."

"Terrorist?" Tsunade asked, confused.

"He means Deidara." Naruto explained, still trying to pry the turret off of the establishment with very little success.

"Exactly. We both use explosives in long-range combat. There may not be much left of this place. That's why we need you to evac. Get them somewhere far away. You might have two hours. I'll try luring them away from this place, but there's no guarantee that I'll be able to. The idiot here will hold the clown off."

"Watch who you're calling an idiot. Uzu's still sleeping."

Josh sighed as he checked his rifle for stress fractures. "No, Naruto. Uzu's just lazy. You're the idiot."

"I mean, you might wake him up. That would be bad."

The swordsman shrugged. "He knows not to attack me." And with that, he stomped on the turret, locking it down in place, almost taking Naruto's fingers with it. "The last time he tried, he ended up as fangirl bait. I don't think he'll try it again anytime soon."

"Yeah… maybe not. But still, I'm not-"

"Yes you are. Despite your IQ, you don't know how to fucking use it. Now, get to the highest point around here. It's going to be hard to project your energy the way you are right now." And with that, he picked up the protesting blond and threw him at the Hokage Monument.

* * *

That brings us back to present time, with Naruto standing atop his father's head, channeling as much raw chakra as he could muster. Which, admittedly, with the Seal of Unholy Draining locking down on him, was nowhere as powerful as it could have been, but still strong enough to get the job done. The only problem was…

"I'm out. Nothing… left…"

"_And that's…. done. Phew. First time we've actually done a seal system on the first try._"

"Good… now… shut… up… need… to… recover…"

"_I'll test the damn thing. Take those solder pills and get ready. We've got about ten minutes left… I've picked them up on the GSAT-LADAR. _"

"Right… Now… where are… those suckers…" He rummaged around in his pouch, pulling out a half dozen black pills, chomping them at once, disregarding the safety warnings not to do so. "Fuck it." He mumbled with his mouth full, standing up. "Madara is _so_ going down…"

* * *

"TOBI!"

"HAI!"

"TOBI!"

"SENPAI!"

"TOBI!"

"SENPAI!"

"TOBI! WHERE THE HELL ARE WE!"

"KONOHA, SENPAI!"

"BUT… Oh… so _this_ is Konoha. Good job, Tobi."

Right as the words left his mouth, a shot rang out and nearly hit him in the head. When they both looked up at the walls, they saw an imposing silver figure, rifle still leveled squarely at them. "OI! OSAMA BIN BLONDIE! UP HERE!" He then fired a grenade at them, cackling loudly while reloading the said grenade launcher. "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!" He yelled, leaping over their heads, firing another grenade at them.

Before either could really respond, half a dozen kunai surrounded them, two green blurs bouncing between them. "Tobi… RASENGAN!"

At that, Deidara and Tobi finally scattered, the latter staying to engage Naruto while the other one tried to head off the gunfire that was still spraying at him from the woods.

"Tobi is a-"

"Tobi is a dead boy, Madara. Cut the shit. I know it's you." Naruto growled, Rasengan still at the ready.

"Oh, poopie. Guess there's no reason for this mask now. I don't sense anyone in the village. Are you ready to come quietly?"

The original raised his clawed hand, attack still at the ready. "Does this give you an answer?"

Madara sighed and cracked his knuckles. "If that's your wish…"

As they both started to move, another blur shot in and landed smack between them, interrupting both of their forward progress. "Hey! What did I miss?"

* * *

Josh reloaded his rifle in mid-jump with one hand, his other still busy picking off incoming C1 bombs that were being thrown at him with ever-increasing speed. Somehow, with the addition of a bijuu, Deidara had also reduced the amount of clay needed for an explosion, as well as storing more of it in his body.

Or as a shadow-user would put it, mendokuse.

As he mused this, still picking off bombs inbound, he caught a glimpse of something streaking toward him from above. Much larger then the C1 bombs still coming up at him. It looked almost like a…

"The hell? Is that a white dragon?"

The swordsman engaged his boosters just in time to avoid being pasted by a _HUGE_ C2 Dragon that Deidara had apparently conjured. Deidara had taken the time during the flyby to throw another double handful of bombs at Josh, who responded in kind by letting off another volley of rounds, taking out most of the bombs and tearing a few small holes in the left wing of the dragon.

"That's a BIG motherfucker." He mused to himself. "Ah well. Nothing a nice attack won't fix."

Then he looked down.

"Well. Fuck."

While he had been busy dodging the C2 and picking off the airborne C1, several Nendo Bunshin (Clay Clones) had been scattering ungodly amounts of C1 that were now all blitzing him at once.

Even to a complete idiot, there was no way that Josh's assault rifle had the ammo capacity to take down all of those bombs. However, that's not to say that Josh didn't have anything that couldn't.

Growling about burning expensive ammo, he slotted away his rifle and pistol, reaching instead into his dimensional pouch for two SMGs, each with two heavily extended clips. When the gun was loaded, it looked like little more than a heavily lopsided T, with the two clips, one in the handle, the other reaching out the back, both about five feet long. The damn thing didn't have any real accuracy beyond thirty yards, but with the amount of ammo it could dish out, it didn't really need any.

"HEY! BLONDIE! EAT THIS! ISG9-EXT3! DUAL-WIELD, BITCH!"

And with that introduction, he let loose on the trigger, sending a hailstorm of bullets downward, explosions lighting up by the hundreds as he chewed through wave after wave of bombs.

* * *

"Why… can't… I… hit… him!"

Naruto sighed as he threw another batch of Bullet Rasengan at Madara, only to have them pass through his ephemeral body. _Ki's nearly impossible to hit._ He thought as he charged up a Rasenshuriken. _Not with that Graceful Combat ability of his active…_ "Futon: Rasenshuriken!"

The attack missed both Madara, who let it phase through him, and Ki, who did a bridge over it. "GODDAMNIT, KI! YOU COULD AT LEAST REFLECT IT… Oh, wait."

"I CANT USE CHAKRA, YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!"

"WELL EXCUSE ME FOR FORGETTING! GODDAMNIT YOU PISS ME OFF! WOAH!"

Naruto just barely phased out of the way of a fist from Madara, landing behind him and returning the favor with no success whatsoever. "AND YOU TOO! QUIT FUCKING RUNNING AWAY! YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF!"

"I'm not running away! You just keep on missing!"

"THAT'S IT! BY THE POWER GRANTED TO ME, I CALL UPON THEE-"

He didn't manage to continue, as one of Madara's kunai pierced his throat.

"Got you-"

'Naruto' popped out of existence as another figure jumped over the walls of Konoha, sword drawn and shouting, "INITIAL HOLY GUARDIAN!"

* * *

"Power spike detected. Energy Frequency matches that of Orange Lightning. Spike level indicates-"

"I can read energy. Yeah, he's powered up. Ooops. Here's another one…"

Josh leaned back and cut open another C2's belly with his sword. Ever since he had taken out most of the C1 without much damage to himself, Deidara had abandoned the smaller bombs and instead sent flocks of C2s at him. He himself was standing on a much larger version of himself, the C4, and still channeling chakra for something unknown.

"That bomb looks just a little too big to blow up with small arms. Bon-bon. Get the cannons firing and the jet ready. I may need it at a moment's notice."

Josh shook his head and cut open another C2. He had to hit them on their bellies, or they would blow up, as he found out the hard way. When the first one had come after him, he dove right at it with his combat knife, stabbed it in the eye, and got caught in a huge fireball for his trouble.

His shield had stopped the blast cold, but even it couldn't stop him from being thrown uncontrollably through the air with half a dozen more dragons hot on his tail.

"Speaking of being hot on my tail…" the swordsman muttered as he flipped again, dodging another dragon… which exploded and sent him flying toward another dragon, which exploded as well, which sent him careening toward another dragon…

The entire thing looked like nothing more than a giant game of pinball.

* * *

Madara could no longer phase through Naruto's attacks, especially not with the blond supercharging his sword with Guardian Energy. It didn't really matter, though, since the aged shinobi could still dodge Naruto's hits with ease, even with him powered up.

"GODDAMNIT! STAY STILL! KI! A LITTLE HELP HERE!"

"I CANT FIGHT, YOU FRUITCAKE!"

"THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU STEAL IT FROM UZU! HE COULD FIGHT!"

"I WAS GOING TO MAKE ANOTHER SHELL FOR YOU, DAMNIT! RAIKIRI!"

He charged Madara, left hand enveloped in lightning, right hand grasping his sword, both swinging.

Both missed.

However, Naruto, expecting this, pivoted and drove his elbow straight into Madara's midsection, making connection for the first time, took his lightning-encrusted fist, and drove it right into Madara's face.

"Gotcha…"

"Not exactly."

When Naruto actually took a second glance, he saw that Kakashi's supreme technique had barely made a scratch on the Akatsuki member's mask.

It was at that point, when the two were staring each other down in the fight when the first of the antiaircraft guns opened up and sprayed hot metal toward the direction of the other major fight.

Naruto blinked and jumped away, sword still at the ready.

The blonde had an idea.

* * *

Bonnie was a 'Smart' AI.

Well, ok. She was in the 'Smart' classification, but nobody had managed to create a fully sentient AI yet. They were close, but still a few millennia off.

Regardless, it didn't take a 'Smart' AI to see that her host was in trouble. Constantly being thrown around like a pinball was not healthy, no matter what you were. There's a reason why there were always five or six pinballs in a machine. Use one too much, and it would break.

At the present moment, Josh was that pinball, the C2 Dragons the bumpers and the flippers, and Deidara was the guy controlling them all on the outside. She was sure that Josh could have broken free if he could power up, and the dragons couldn't do any real damage to him, but still it was bad for him to be thrown around for so long.

Hence the cannon fire.

Despite the fact that Deidara was still pumping out C2s with astonishing speed, the multitude of rounds coming out shattered them with overwhelming ease. The evening slowly faded away toward dusk as they continued to fight, neither side seeming to gain an advantage, with the exception that Deidara now had several C4s standing around, all the while still focusing chakra.

Josh, after being tossed around for the better part of five minutes, finally stabilized his flight, dodged two more C2s, then finally took the stance needed. "By the power granted to me, I call upon thee, Initial Holy Guardian!"

* * *

Author's Note:

YO! ALL!

I'M BACK!

Yeah, so i'm still working on the overhaul, but i remembered a policy that i usually hate.

Dont abondon your old crowd for a new one.

So, the overhaul is still going on, but i'm putting it on the back burner.

If you read the Prequels, SOL-LS and SP should be getting a update soon. They've both got about chapters that are 40 percent done.

Anyway, in case you havn't noticed, i've reverted to the shorter chapter format.

This mean there will be more overall chapters, but less wait time between each.

REJOICE!

I think i finally locked down why i was going so slowly.

Oh, and for all, this is the second-to-last chapter of the Deidara and Tobi Arc.

Next arc is one of my OWN CREATION!

And a couple of characters might show up...

Keep your eyes peeled.

Just saying.

As an additional note made AFTER (In other words, this is an ADDITIONAL A/N) Chapter XXV and XXVI will be a double-header, which means released back-to-back. If you're confused about some things in this story, which you should be, Chapter XXVI should give you _some _answers. Of course, only declassified history and abilities. Just to clear up the fog a bit, you know?

Anyway, until next time, recommend, review, read, and WORSHIP THE LOG! (Jk. Just finished rereading Third Fang. God, that guy can write.)

Oh, and i'm restarting Omakes soon.

That's about it.

Ja ne.

Xingster


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter XXV: Whoever has the bigger bomb wins

Naruto continued his path upward, cutting rounds in half that came too close to his person, still trying to formulate how to execute the last part of his plan.

"Too slow."

Madara had caught up, hand clawing down, intent on dragging the blond into the abyss of his pocket dimension, when he was interrupted by a _huge_ antiaircraft shell passing right through him. It didn't hurt him, of course. But that didn't stop it from startling him like a bat from hell and wave off his attack.

"Ready to fight? Futon: Rasenshuriken!"

* * *

Josh ducked under another C3, firing off a burst behind him to ignite the bomb. By the time _this_ fight was over, there wasn't going to be much of the forest left. He had given up simply taking out the bombs that were being thrown at him and hoping his opponent ran out of ammo. To the contrary, Deidara, with his bijuu enhancement, didn't seem to be slowing down at all.

He sweatdropped as he took out another C2 that had lasted until now. "Seriously? How many bombs does this guy have?"

"Unknown. Radar signature indicates several hundred bowling-ball sized targets inbound. They're too small for the AA to effectively engage at this range."

"Try anyway. I'm bringing it up another notch. By the power granted to me, I call upon thee, DARK GUARDIAN!"

As he finished talking, the glowing aura around him changed to one of ink. "_Here we go! Dark Guardian Art: Solo Spiraling Strike!_" He solidified the aura around him, kicked one leg out, and began, as the name implied, swirling at a prestigious rate, leaving explosions in his wake, heading toward the person who had left him knee-deep in bombs.

"_OI! OSAMA BIN BLONDIE! EAT THIS! SACRED GUARDIAN ART: PHASED LIGHTNING!_"

* * *

Naruto dodged another AA round, and then descended toward the ground. He had nearly been blind-sided by a shell twice now, and it wasn't worth the risk of being splintered to gain a slight tactical advantage.

"Initial Guardian Art: Flaming-"

He scowled as Madara reappeared right in front of him, interrupting the technique. Hiraishining only did so much good, as he was limited to the kunai spaced around the area. Each time he moved to an area, Madara would pick up the kunai and take it with him. That was limiting where he could move. Ki had the arm strength of a dead puppy, so he couldn't exactly rely upon him to throw out more markers. Make do with what you have, and make the rest work… somehow.

"Initial Guardian Art-"

Madara reappeared right in front of him, hand outstretched again.

"RASENGAN!"

Madara was sent flying, allowing the blond to scatter a few more kunai and chase after the Uchiha.

"Rasengan!"

Naruto barely managed to twist out of the way of his own attack, used by Madara.

"You think I can't copy Rasengan? I have a Sharingan! You are as an open book before me! Sub-"

He warped out of existence just as Naruto felt something touch the small of his back. "Kage Bunshin?"

"I'll see you later, Kyuubi."

"Not with me here! Hakke Rokujuyon Sho!"

The Uchiha, not wanting to be pulverized and left vulnerable without the ability to use chakra, and along with it, the ability to teleport, leaned back just enough to avoid the brunt of the attack.

Naruto, taking his momentary reprieve, rolled away, twisted, and threw a handful of shuriken. He knew that it wouldn't really do any good, but it just gave him the satisfaction of seeing Madara burn some more chakra.

"Having a little trouble?" a mischievous whispered into his right ear, sending chills down his spine. Whether they were good chills or bad chills, he couldn't really tell at the moment. It was rather difficult to differentiate the two when you were standing before and fighting one of the strongest ninja of all time and with an unknown person whispering into your ear.

Naruto turned his head to see just who had saved his hide, only to be nipped in the nose by none other than, you guessed it, Hinata.

"GAH! HINATA! WHAT THE FUCK!" He had jumped well into the air, almost slamming into a hysterical Ki, who rolled out of the way just in time to avoid being flattened by his falling boss.

"Aww, Naruto-kun… didn't you like it?" She said cutely, nibbling on one finger in a very _moe_-like fashion, the same time giving him the puppy-dog look.

The said blond almost dropped his sword out of sheer terror, but self-preservation overrode fear and he managed to hold on and redouble his grip upon its hilt. "OF COURSE NOT!"

Ki, who had managed to sit up at this point, whispered loudly, "Of course not, Hinata. Didn't you know he's still in the-"

"Ki, if you finish that, I will _personally_ end you." He growled, calming down somewhat. "Hinata, get out of here. You're no match for… wait a second… you stopped one of Nacht's-"

He didn't have a chance to go any further, as Madara phased in and struck again. Naruto swore and struck upward with his blade, just missing his target. "Missed again. Man, it's like trying to hit Ki… Wait a second…"

Naruto formed a Kage Bunshin, who sidled away from Hinata until the original shot it glare that nearly put a hole in the said clone, then nodded once. With that nod, the original charged in, sword raised for another strike, the clone raising his clawed fingers, pointing the appendages at roughly where the point of impact was supposed to be.

"Initial Guardian Art-" the original intoned, tracing two fingers along the length of the blade, with the kage bunshin doing the same thing, sans the sword and the tracing.

"-Searing Sabre!"

"-Bullet Rasengan!"

Madara sidestepped the flaming sword, almost touching the original to blast him into a different dimension, and into the path of the Bullet Rasengan, which he easily deflected with one hand.

Key word: Deflected.

The original grinned, jumping back and forming another six dozen kage bunshin. He had made the breakthrough.

* * *

Josh shot off bursts one and two of his Phased Lightning without much to show for it. The C4 bombs, big as they were, had proven to be fairly agile and had intercepted both strikes like it was nothing. That just left the third and weakest of the bunch, the one shot from his third eye point, and he was saving that up. Not having anywhere near Naruto's reserves, the technique was rather draining, despite the fact that it paled in comparison in both energy usage and damage dealt to the target in comparison to what he had modeled it after.

"_But I have things that Naruto doesn't…_" he muttered to himself as he drew a rather large handgun, checked to make sure it was loaded, and then shifted it to this right hand, dumping huge quantities of energy into the round. "_OI! OBB! _(Osama Bin Blondie)_ CHEW ON THIS! DARK GUARDIAN ART: SONIC CANNON!_"

"Does he have to 'Chew' on this? Don't you think you're being a little cliché?"

"_Zip it, Bonnie. This is a fight, not a goddamned poem._"

The recoil knocked him from his trajectory, narrowly blowing him by two C2s and a half dozen C3s, which detonated in his wake.

Deidara, on the other hand, had other problems on his hands. The round that Josh had gotten off was now lined up for a collision course with his head. Usually, that wouldn't be a problem, but it seemed to waver slightly and follow him, no matter if he shifted left or right.

"That's impressive, hm. But how about this!" The terrorist raised his hand, and one of the C4s rose up and punched the round, causing both the bomb and the round to shatter.

"Josh. GSAT-LADAR has picked up a cloud of debris heading your way. Watch out for possible collisions."

"_What? I don't see anything… Wait a sec… Bon-bon, drop the energy filter._" After said filter was activated, the swordsman couldn't reach for a recharge crystal fast enough. "_Well, fuck. That's what he's after_. _Dark Guardian Art: Guardian Shield._"

* * *

'Hinata' ducked under another blow, cursing her host for being so limited in what she could do. She had gotten the idea. Distract Madara long enough for Naruto to do a two-tiered Guardian Attack. It seemed simple enough in theory.

In theory, Naruto wouldn't be sealed down and forced to fight at less then a tenth of his regular base power. In theory, she was fast enough to dodge most of his hits without too much overexertion. In theory, Josh wouldn't be fifteen miles away, drawing away Deidara from doing major damage to Konoha and would be helping them.

Damn you, theory!

Alas, she had to make do with what she had, which, admittedly, wasn't much. Doing Jyuken head-on against a Sharingan was always going to have mixed results, even more so with Madara, as she couldn't exploit the Sharingan's weakness. Despite it being able to follow pretty much anything non-guardian, the wielder's body might or might not be able to respond to the stimuli sent.

Madara, sadly, did not have the said problem.

He could easily keep pace with Hinata as she sent blast after blast of chakra at him, only for him to phase out of existence, repel it, or dodge it outright. The only thing keeping him from blasting her out of existence was Naruto and his Kage Bunshin sending a constant barrage of Guardian-Enhanced attack at the Uchiha, forcing him to constantly dodge or deflect.

Even so, the two of them combined were barely keeping Madara off, pulling more close calls than either really cared or wanted to count. Still, it was wearing down the Akatsuki member down somewhat, as it he was now breathing heavily, but was still better off than Naruto, who was now overdosing on solder pills just to stay on his feet.

They needed help. And fast.

* * *

Josh leaned by another batch of leftover C4, spinning just enough to avoid the brunt of the blast. He had forced Deidara to detonate two more of his giants, taking nice dents out of his shield, but unlike Hidan, who had a blessed weapon, explosives were much more up the alley of work for his armor's shielding.

However, everything has a breaking point, and taking millions of miniature explosions was pushing it pretty badly. The Guardian Shield that he had cast had long since broken down, and he was now taking dozens of explosions a minute as he weaved back and forth through the airborne minefield, trying to think of a possible way to take out the blond without cracking the planet in twain.

If that wasn't a restraint, then it really wouldn't be a problem of how so much as how big. Speaking of how big…

"_OI! OBB! CATCH!_"

The swordsman primed two grenades and threw them at Deidara, who leaned out of the way just enough to avoid the blast, soaring right toward at him, still on his C2. "BEHOLD MY ULTIMATE ART! NOW THE WORLD WILL KNOW OF ME! BEHOLD! THE C5 GALAXY-"

"_PHASED LIGHTNING, PHASE THREE!_"

Josh's third blast knocked Deidara off of his dragon, though judging from his recovery methods, hadn't done much physical damage to the Akatsuki member beyond what was needed to piss him off.

"_OBB! YOU SAY EXPLOSIONS ARE AN ART! THEN TASTE MY ART!_"

Josh landed and in the same motion, pulled a warhead out of his pocket and mounted it to the front of his rifle. "_ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE THE PORTABLE MARK XI BUNKER BUSTER! NOW WITH SIXTY PERCENT MORE NEJI!_"

"Your art _whirls_!"

The swordsman smirked as he continued to dump more energy into his charge. "_It whirls, it twirls, and it explodes… but most importantly of all._" He said with an ever-larger grin hidden by his helmet, "_It's a one of my superweapons! EAT THIS! DARK GUARDIAN ART: DARK BUNKER BUSTER!_"

Deidara jumped back and threw the disk, which expanded and started rotating faster as he left his palm. "C5 GALAXY!"

The two collided with supersonic shockwaves and winds, both explosives duking it out for supremacy.

"MY ART IS SUPERIOR! THE GALAXY SUCKS IN AND ABSORBS ALL THE OXYGEN IN THE AREA, SNUFFING OUT YOUR ART!"

Josh chucked darkly, sending goosebumps up Deidara's spine. "_Oh, and what made you think that the Bunker Buster Class needed oxygen to detonate? Your C5 Galaxy is impressive, I admit. I suppose it would be murder on conventional explosives, but a Bunker Buster is anything but a conventional explosive._" At this, he slipped down into a kneeling position and generated a shield. "_It's the nineteenth largest explosion ever recorded and the sixth largest by a guardian! Despite the fact that it's cut down, I can still crack this planet in two with it easily! BEHOLD! ENHANCED DARK BUSTER, SHOW HIM WHAT REAL ART IS!_"

"You do realize that it's an inanimate object that I'm controlling, right?"

"_Yeah, but he doesn't know that. Set off the primary charge._"

"Aye. Detonating primary Antimatter Core."

The explosion could be heard and felt all across the planet as it detonated, cutting a clear swath through the Galaxy and enveloping the blond in pure, crackling energy. On his knees, Josh punched the ground again to raise a shield to absorb a good chunk of the shockwave so that the planet wouldn't shake itself to pieces. The Bunker Buster, despite its name, was never designed to bust bunkers. It had two settings, wide-bore and needle. The needle would puncture all but the toughest of shields, and the wide would vaporize almost everything in a fifty mile radius. However, on either setting, the shockwave generated could easily shatter a planet if not buffered, which is why he preferred firing these things at something that was at fifty thousand feet up or had a fair bit of insulation behind it. Like giant internal gyroscopes or fifteen miles of elastic rubber.

Of course, all of this was if he charged the damn things. Unmodified Bunker Busters still packed quite a wallop, though nowhere near their charged siblings.

Even with the insulation, it still shattered windows and caused some buildings to collapse as far away as Kumo and triggered a tsunami that was thankfully negated by the abilities of the Mizu ANBU who were on constant patrol for just such things.

Despite its impressive statistics and even more impressive light show, Josh dispelled the shield after a few seconds, took a deep breath, drew his sword, and charged at the spot where Deidara had been before the blast had enveloped him. Bijuu and their containers were highly resistant to pure energy blasts, as he had found out the hard way when he had been sparring with Naruto and he had taken two uncharged Bunker Busters head-on with the help of a Guardian Shield and a stray walnut that he had picked up along the way.

However, resistant as they were to energy blasts, they, along with pretty much everything in that plane of existence, were vulnerable to a nice blade of charged metallic alloy.

A.K.A. Josh's sword in your face.

Deidara, who had just started to recover from the shock of something overpowering his C5, spotted a silver figure darting around the remnant of the explosions, sword drawn and tracing his fingers down the length.

In desperation, he sent his C2 on a collision course with Josh, who phased out of existence, appeared behind it, still barreling straight at him. "Shi-"

"_Dark Guardian Art: Hurricane Blade!_"

And this time, against an unarmored target, it sliced through Deidara like soft cheese.

"_And that's game. Now, where's Naruto…_"

"Scans indicate that he is still engaged in-"

"_It was a rhetorical question, Bonnie._"

* * *

When the Bunker Buster's shockwave had swept over Naruto, he hit the deck, anchoring himself down with chakra. Hinata, noticing what he did, had done the same. Madara had taken the safe way out and hidden in his alternate dimension for a few seconds while he rode out the storm. It also caused all of his remaining kage bunshin to dispel.

This left him in a precarious situation. If he took the time to generate more, Madara would have the jump on him. If he didn't, it was likely that he would be blasted into the alternate dimension. Choices, Choices.

"_Having troubles?_"

Naruto spun around, grinning at a shadowy Josh, who had his sword out and was glancing around for any sign of a dimensional tear that would indicate Madara's reappearance in this realm.

"_Four o clock, three feet up! Dark Guardian Art: Phased Lightning!_"

"Initial Guardian Art: Rasengan!"

Madara reappeared and deflected both attacks, nearly getting Naruto until Hinata came down and whacked two of his tenketsu, again forcing him to move off his attack path straight into Josh, who cut downward. He too dodged that and flipped backwards, away from the duo, who were charging up new attacks of their own.

"I see my partner proved useless as always…" Madara said coolly as he stared down the two guardians, getting ready to launch their attacks. "I see… fighting two True Guardians would prove to be a disadvantage for me. I shall retreat for today. But your days are limited, Kyuubi! Do not forget that!"

The surviving blond spat into the ground before throwing another Rasenshuriken. "I'll be waiting."

Madara reached out, caught the energy disc, and crushed it without even blinking before fading out of existence.

Josh continued to charge his weapon, glaring off at a distance before firing off one last pulse, the crescent-shaped energy cutting a swath through the darkening sky. "_That should give him something to remember us by. Now… time to po_wer down…" He relaxed and the dark aura too faded away. "Phew. Osama bin Blondie took a bit more energy than I expected… Let's head back."

Naruto grunted. "What is it with you and fighting these people? They shouldn't be a problem for you."

The swordsman groaned and raised a hand. "Not right now, idiot. I've got a killer headache coming on. Let me sit down and eat something first."

The blond nodded, formed a kage bunshin with some strain, handed it some coins, and nodded.

"Come on… gotta get Uzu a new body. Uhh, Hinata?"

"Yes, Naruto-kun?"

"Don't get too close."

Hinata pouted as Josh let off a barking laugh.

* * *

Shikamaru and Shikaku stared on as Naruto and Josh demolished plate after plate of food. The two, after being summoned by a nervous chunnin, had shown up in bad moods and demanded to be fed before they would talk.

And boy did they eat.

It had already been half an hour since they sat down and started chowing down. It had already cost the council a week's worth of taxes and they showed absolutely no sign of slowing down.

"Jesus…" Josh burped, biting into another potato. "It's draining to stay powered up for that long."

Naruto didn't talk, still focused on his bowl of ramen, his thirty-sixth. For once, the blond was quiet as he could be, just eating.

And one might suppose, if they were adept at reading body language, fuming quite a bit.

The rest of the council, sans the usual crowd, sat there and stared at the two as they continued to demolish platter after platter of food.

Josh, finally taking pity on the astonished crowd, set Bonnie to normal operations and powered up his external speakers. "I'm sorry, but Josh is currently eating. My name is Bonnie, a Sixth Generation Smart AI. I will be able to answer some of your questions."

Shikaku pointed at the steadily rising piles of plates. "Is this normal?"

"Yes. Quite. Despite contending for the most powerful beings in this dimension, they have quite a few needs. The average mid-leveled Guardian eats roughly sixty pounds of food in a day where they don't do anything strenuous. Josh, being a Class S Guardian, requires triple that, though he often gets by on less."

Tsunade stared as said swordsman emptied a barrel of sake, belched, and dove at a rack of lamb. "That can't be healthy."

"Indeed. However, eating energy-dense foods such as Dount Burgers cuts down on the weight of food needed to be consumed-"

The hokage shook her head. "No, I mean. _That-_" she pointed at Josh as he ate an entire ham in one bite. "Cant be healthy."

"That's normal. In fact, not consuming enough food is less healthy for Guardians. However, in an attempt to save funds, Josh eats about seventy-five percent of what is recommended to him, which makes him technically a malnourished Guardian."

"Hey, hey! You have _no IDEA_ how much they try to charge me for food. I usually just bail out on the bill if they charge too much."

"And this is why they charge you so much."

Josh shrugged, downed a bowl of soup, two loaves of bread, a pound of butter, six avocados, a fruitcake that someone had donated, and two chickens before responding. "You think we're bad, you should meet the Sayians. We at least have table manners."

With that, he reattacked the table, continuing to eat until, after they had gone one more roundabout, finally put his fork down and sighed. "Ah… that was a good meal…" Josh popped his hip flask, drained it, pulled out another one, and drained it as well. "Right… I know you just didn't call us here for us to bankrupt you. Bigwigs always have another reason. Now, how can I help you?"

Koharu coughed. "After realizing that we could not _force_ you to show us what you can do, we have come here to _request_ that you show us what you are capable of."

Josh sighed, and ignoring everyone else's glares, reached into yet another pocket, pulled out a cigar, placed it between his lips, lit it with a brief spark, and took his time drawing in some smoke before replying. "Well…" He said slowly, after a while. "I can't say no, not after you've fed us. But I still can't show you the _full_ scope of my powers."

"And why not?" Homura demanded.

Josh sighed, cut off the unburnt part of his cigar, and slipped it back into his pocket. "Simple." He sighed, relaxing slightly, despite the fact that he was surrounded by people who just _loved_ to dish our red tape. "If I were to demonstrate the full scope of my powers, your planet would shatter under the pressure before I got halfway there. It's as much for your safety as for my headache medicine."

"Are you really-"

The swordsman sighed again, this time unsheathing his sword and throwing it at Tsunade, who nearly dropped it in surprise. "Here, Supertits, try using that sword."

Tsunade hefted the sword, and using all her strength, barely managed to cut a table in half. "What is this thing made of? It feels like it's about to break my arms…"

Josh signaled that he wanted his sword back and got it so. He twirled it around with ease before slipping it back onto his back. "Not sure of the exact chemical composition myself. I don't make these things. One of my acquaintances does, however. He refuses to tell me what they're made of. Says I'll drive him outta business. Besides." He shrugged. "I break these things so often that I've got them backordered from here to the next galaxy." He patted his belt. "This puppy, however, I break less often. You wanna demonstration?"

The councilors nodded, and at that, Josh picked up Naruto and hurled him through the window at the Chunnin Exam Stadium. "GET READY, YOU IDIOT!"

They just stared as Josh kicked off right after him, boosters igniting a few seconds in to give him an additional lift.

Ki strolled by, flipped off the entire council, then jumped out of the window, cursing at the fangirls that were waiting, which immediately jumped him.

* * *

"Is this everyone? Right. Nobody activate any Kekkei Genkai, especially you Hyuga, or something bad could happen. Kakashi, you're welcome to try to copy. That is, if you can and the ambient energy doesn't blind your first."

Naruto shrugged, prepping boulders for demonstration purposes, flipping through seals to pull them out of the ground, as well as kage bunshin, who were appearing to help with the task.

"Right. Everyone-" Josh gestured widely, "Stand behind the yellow line. I take no responsibility for any injuries if you stand inside the yellow line, which you may and probably will get."

He cracked his knuckles and nodded at Naruto, who also jumped back behind the yellow line. "I'll start off with my base arsenal. I'll show you the declassified stuff, as well as nothing too dangerous." Josh pulled out a grenade. "This is the standard issue IG7. Fifteen meter blast radius, comes in fragmentation, anti-armor, napalm, HE and anti-personnel variants. Not the most powerful explosion in my arsenal, but it can be used in a pinch." He pulled the pin, threw it at a boulder, which then shattered upon detonation.

"Now, let's move on. This is the IR9-III. Standard issue, but modified for-"

* * *

After spending two hours and a good chunk of daylight going through his conventional arsenal, he signaled for his jet to go away and pulled out his sword. "Right. That's the conventional arsenal. Time for some unconventional crap. Naruto. I'll need a target. Kage bunshin won't do."

* * *

Author's Note in Chapter XXVI, Double Release!


	27. Chapter 26

Chapter XXVI: Some Revelations, Some Pork, Some Booze.

"And that should do it."

What was left of the chunin stadium was a pile of rubble that was being rebuilt by an army of kage bunshin. What was left of Naruto was in a smoking crater smack-dab in the middle.

"Is it over yet…?"

"Yep. Pick your ass up out of the hole. You gotta feed me again."

"Fuck… you…"

Josh sighed and picked Naruto up, slinging him unceremoniously over one shoulder. "That's the show. Double-SSS, you're with me. Come on, shoo. The kage bunshin'll fix this. Come on, SHOO!"

The swordsman sighed and leapt into the sky, coming down twice more before landing at Naruto's front gates. "Right. Naruto. Start eating. I have a feeling-"

"Hello, Josh."

The said guardian sighed and turned around. "Hinata. Or should I say, V-"

'Hinata' attempted to Jyuken the swordsman, but Josh, being considerably faster than Naruto, caught it between two fingers without much trouble.

"That won't work on me. Now, why don't you put Double-SSS back on?"

She looked like she was about to refuse until she saw Josh going for his combat knife. "Fine." She pouted, focused, and dropped to the ground.

Josh eased his knife back into place and snapped a couple of smelling salts under the girl's nose. "Come on, Naruto's in no shape to give us any blood. Someone's gotta let us in."

* * *

Inside Hinata's mindscape, things were still a flurry of action as memories, actions, dreams, wishes, and thoughts sorted themselves out. It was all the poor girl could do so as to not be flattened by them.

_You're up._

Excuse me?

Hinata turned around to see her provocatively dressed self staring her dead in the eye. _You heard me. Josh wanted to talk to you, not me, so I guess you're going back up. We're no match for him at the moment, so I thought it would be wise to listen to him._

Ano…

Her inner self slapped the back of her head. _Get out there and do me proud!_

Hinata didn't have any further time for argument as she was thrust upward back to consciousness by the physical effects of the smelling salts.

* * *

"Ano…" Hinata stirred weakly.

"'Bout time you got back. I swear, Uzu's faster than you."

"Nobody's as slow as Uzu…"

"Shut up and bleed, Naruto. Speaking of blood, why didn't I just use that?"

Josh stood up, wiped his finger on the blond's shredded jacket, and moved the crimson fluid to the gates, which popped open. "Ah… gotta love frequency emulators. Right. Comon, gotta get you two inside to the stasis field before you die."

After a quick visit to the said stasis field, during which time he snapped blackmail photo after blackmail photo, they were all sitting down in Naruto's living room, enjoying a nice drink. By a nice drink, Naruto was drinking barrels of sake, Josh his beer, and Hinata a nice strawberry milkshake. Where that had come from, she had no idea, but it was still delicious.

"Finally got those skinflints off my back… Jesus, you would think that for feeding me, they wouldn't work me so hard." He had just taken another gulp of alcohol when the doorbell rang. "When did you install a doorbell?"

Naruto, still grumbling, stood up. "When I got sick of people throwing high explosives at my house to get my attention. I got it. Sit back down before you decapitate someone with that oversized baseball bat of yours."

"I didn't know you knew what decapitate meant!" Josh yelled after Naruto as he stalked to the door.

Naruto responded by flipping him off.

They heard the front gate creak open and Naruto's voice drifted inside. "Oh. It's just you, Shika. Come on in. Uhh, why did you bring half of Konoha?"

Shikamaru sighed as he cracked open the door, peering inside, and seeing Hinata and Josh sprawled out on the couch, pushed the door fully open and strode in, along with the rest of the Konoha Eleven, their surviving teachers, as well as Tsunade.

"Well, quite the crowd, Naruto. Should I bust out the club music? We've got plenty of booze already."

"YOSH! OUR FLAMES OF YOUTH-"

"Shall not be allowed here." Naruto interrupted, making a couple of kage bunshin, which ran upstairs. "No offense, but I like my house intact. Josh already put a hole in my kitchen, not to mention leveling most of the goddamned place."

"Hey!" said swordsman interjected. "That was _your_ fault. If you hadn't locked me out, I wouldn't have needed to bombard you. Oh, and before anyone says anything." He patted the couch. "I got dibs on this. Nobody else sit here unless you wanna lose your ass."

Naruto shrugged and headed over to the bar to fix himself another drink, which was downed in a single gulp. "Don't worry. The kage bunshin are bringing down shit from the attic."

After beating back Lee with a set of old brooms from the bar, narrowly avoiding a heavily inebriated Tsunade, and two sets of firecrackers from Josh, everyone was seated.

"So… I'm taking this isn't a social visit?"

Naruto smacked Josh in the back of the head, only to get a scorched palm for his trouble. "What do you think?"

Josh shook off his helmet, taking another swig of beer, frowning, and then pulling out his hip flask. "Time for something stronger, I think. Beer's getting old." Taking a deep draught, he belched before settling into a more comfortable position, taking them all in with his brown eyes. "Since the idiot here trusts you more then the average joe, I'll take a gamble with you all. Fire away. Anything not too personal or classified, you're welcome to ask. Naruto, ya got a decanter?"

Naruto made yet another kage bunshin, which threw him a large glass container, upon which Josh pulled out a bottle of something with strange writing on it, popping the cork, and emptying the entire bottle into the decanter. "Ah… might as well be comfortable. Not as good as Micha's finest, but a nice bottle of Bordeaux should keep me going. Now, first question."

Shikamaru, who had declined sake but had pulled out a cigarette and lit it, spoke up first. "You really know Kami-sama?"

Josh, not expecting the question, laughed and took a swig. "Sure. Among a host of deities. The idiot over there really knows her best though. The gods are really all interrelated, so I run into them a lot when I'm running my uncle something up there. Have to admit, I did not expect gods to be what they were at first. I mean," he took a bite out of a cracker that he had pulled from a tray that a kage bunshin had sat down on the coffee table, "On my first trip up there, I swore I took a wrong turn. It's actually quite relaxed up there, so long as you're on a visitor's pass and follow the rules. So yeah, as a Guardian, I know Kami, as well as some other gods."

As Josh finished, several other hands rose. One of which was Neji. "If that's the case, can you bring someone back to life?" Tenten, Lee, Hinata, and Gai all softened at this. They all knew that he longed to see his father again. He would put almost anything on the line for that chance.

Josh snorted. "You're talking to the wrong class of being. No offense man, and don't get me wrong, I _am_ powerful. Hell, the idiot over there was drinking buddies with the physical embodiment of death every time we saw him. But no, that's one of many powers that are denied to us. I can _talk_ to the dead, and even use science to bring them back if they've only been dead for a few minutes, but for the long dead, no dice. If you become a guardian, you might be granted passage to talk to them for a few minutes, but that's about the extent of it."

Tsunade, who had drunk a considerable amount of sake already, hiccupped before asking, "What you showed up earlier, that's not your entire arsenal, was it?"

The swordsman laughed and refilled his glass before answering. "Hell no! As a matter of fact, that's not even a tenth of my abilities. If you're talking numbers, I know more seal formations then that little teaser I showed. Most of them I won't use again, since I have something better, but they're good teaching tools. Gotta love subliminal learning. Next?"

Lee shot his hand up, nearly decapitating a kage bunshin in the process. "Yosh! Who is stronger, you or Naruto-kun?"

Naruto, having sat back and enjoying a nice bowl of ramen, nearly spilled it at this question.

Josh chuckled before replying. "Well, are you talking about now? At our peaks? Going all-out? Using all of our tricks?"

The taijutsu master took a few seconds before replying. "All of the above."

"Well, right now, there's no competition. I'm more than a two hundred times more powerful than Naruto right now. However…" he took another swig of wine, and refilled it from the decanter. "At our peaks, the idiot was technically stronger than me. Going all out… well, if you count using our own alternate personalities, I would have a slight edge. But using all our tricks, Naruto was more powerful. Hands down. You've seen the memory. But still…" He shrugged and took another swig of wine. "If we could remove the Seal of Unholy Draining, his power levels would skyrocket. I would say, even in his severely weakened state, if that seal was gone, I would be down to about forty times stronger then him. Considerably less, but still. Enough to overpower him like a drowning kitty. Next."

Shikamaru shot in before anyone else could respond. "If you're so powerful, then why are the Akatsuki posing so much trouble for you?"

"A fair question." He said. "All right, let me give it to you straight. So far in our battles, I've only gone as far as Dark Guardian. That's the second official tier, with no mind modifications. In that state, I'm ten times stronger than I was in my Initial Guardian form, and forty-five times stronger then in my base form, which I'm in right now. If I decided to power up one more level, to Sacred Guardian, the third tier, I would be twenty-five times more powerful then I was in my Dark Guardian form. But while I could do that, sustaining it is a complete _bitch_. It also takes all the fun out of life. An elf I once met said it best. '_When you can have anything you want by uttering a few words, the goal matters not, only the journey_'. I'm bored enough as is, and despite my chronic laziness, I have to do _something_ to keep from going insane. Yes, I could probably hunt down and kill all of the Akatsuki myself if I really wanted to. I am I going to? Probably not. Do I want to? Fuck no. Am I going to do it if I need to? Yeah. But not before. I'm pretty good at judging the situation."

To everyone's surprise, Shino's hand shot up before anyone else could get theirs up. "Are you immortal?"

Josh sighed, poured the last of the wine into his glass, and swirled it before downing it in a single gulp. "Immortal? Yes. Invincible? Not even close. NEVER confuse the two. Invincible means that you can't be killed via violent means or any sort of thing like that. However, you will die of old age or of starvation. For those, we usually just seal them away. Fifty years in an isolated chamber usually reduces them to dust. You see… the bond we Guardians have with the gods is rather unique." He refilled the decanter and his glass before continuing. "Well, seeing as it was forged in a time of extreme crisis, they were forced to give up more concessions then they would have liked. One of those was immortality. We're immune to old age and the passage of time. As a matter of fact, we're the closest to gods you'll find on this plain of existence. However…" he muttered, drinking some more of the wine before setting it down and interlacing his fingers. "We _can_ be killed. I'm not telling you how. Don't even bother asking. That's a classified secret. However, a local has never overpowered a True Guardian one-on-one. The idiot over there doesn't count, since he's got the seal on him. But still, immortality is a mixed bag. There are some days I wish I could just get away from it all for good… but still. If I died, my family would never let me hear the end of it. Especially my cousin, who went the way of my dad."

"Dead?"

Josh grinned evilly as he turned to look at Naruto. "Nope. As far as we can tell, she's MIA. Couldn't find her in either heaven or hell, so we're going to have to assume that."

"Well, fuck my life."

The swordsman turned back to look at the rest of the befuddled crowd. "Long story. Anyway, where was I… Ah, yes. Never confuse immortality with invincibility. Many people have died that way. Anyway, if you're immortal, you gain a degree of invincibility and vice versa. For instance, we do can rapid regeneration of our limbs and some major organs without much help. With a stasis field, we can regenerate everything except our brain. With a skilled doctor, we can regenerate from pretty much nothing, but man, they charge a arm and a leg, if you'll pardon the pun. Still, regrowing limbs is no fun. Itches like a bitch and then pins and needles for a couple of hours.

"Care to demonstrate?"

"You feel like ripping one of your arms off?" Josh took another swig. "No thanks. Like I said, it's not a pleasant thing to do. Remember, you have to rip the limb off _first_. That still hurts like a bitch. Just because we cant doesn't mean we want to. Remember that."

Kiba, who was scratching Akamaru behind the ears, spoke up next. "This sounds kinda interesting! Can _we_ become guardians?"

Josh took even longer to answer this question than the last. "Maybe. In truth, it's not my call. It's all up to you guys. I can't scan you all to see if you have the potential or not. If you have the potential and are willing to take the risk of initiation, then yeah. You can become guardians. If not, or if you're not willing to take the risk, then no. I've passed my initiation, as well as my training. I can show you the door. You have to open it and walk though yourself. As much as I would love to shove your face into it, I can't." He took another gulp, frowned, and chucked the rest of it before grabbing another beer. "As for you all, maybe. You're all a bit old, but still within reason. Your friend there, however… can't."

"And why not?" Kiba said hotly, "He's as good as-"

"As good as isn't good enough." Josh interrupted, taking another gulp. Strangely, despite the fact that he had downed enough alcohol to floor the average elephant, his face wasn't even red. "We can compensate for many things, but we've _never _managed to turn a non-humanoid into a guardian. We've come close, but no cigar."

"-Potato."

"Shut up, idiot. It's cigar. Anyway, there's something about animal souls that makes them incompatible with guardian energy. They can channel it if given by someone else, but they can't stream it. We've managed to sorta isolate the problem, but our best researchers are stumped on how to make it compatible. Unless you want to give up a chunk of your soul and implant it in him, which probably won't even take, Mr. Overgrown Mutt here won't stand the test of time."

Kiba looked as though he was about to punch the guardian when two kage bunshin took the initiative and knocked him out instead. "Phew. Can't have dogbreath wrecking my house. No offense, Akamaru."

Josh chuckled as Akamaru whined. "Yep. That's one of the harsh realities of becoming a guardian. If you succeed, time won't affect you, but that's not to say that the people that you work with are going to be. Far from it." He shrugged, taking a swig of his hip flask. "Immortality's a mixed bag. You're both blessed and cursed at the same time. Just gotta see how you take things. Some guardians can't take it and retire, which strips them of most of their abilities. We all retire eventually. There's only so many times you can take a sword through the crotch before you decide to call it quits."

All of the guys present immediately cupped their family jewels defensively, wincing at the prospect. Josh noticed this and snorted, taking another shot of whatever was in his flask. "Don't bother. If you become a guardian, it's bound to happen to you sooner or later. I'm lucky enough to have avoided it so far, but one of these days I'm gonna slip and feel something slip in-"

"I stabbed you, remember?"

"No… that was a rusty kunai that you shoved up my ass twice before I got my armor. That's rear penetration. I was talking about the front… No homo."

Kakashi, who had taken a large gulp of sake, sprayed it everywhere. Again, no homo.

"Still, I got your-"

"Nope. Still… you did manage to mutilate my prostate and colon pretty thoroughly. Had bloody shit for a week after that."

He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. "But enough about my bowel problems. Anyone else have a question? I'm running outta drinks, and I refuse to drink Naruto's shitty sake, pardon the pun."

"You said that the guardians were formed in a time of extreme crisis. Care to elaborate?"

Josh smirked. "Sorry, deer-man. I'll have to keep my mouth shut on that one. That's Guardian History, a bit of information that you'll have to learn if you want to become one of us… if you survive the initiation, of course."

At that, yet another explosion rang out outside the house. Before anyone could do anything more than flinch, six kage bunshin had already phased through the door. "Problem?"

"Yeah… that's an entry blast button. Someone's trying to get through the wall. Might as well check it out. I swear, if I find one more ANBU in Hiashi's koi pond, I'm gonna be a little pissed."

"Wait. You've been aiming them at the koi pond?"

"Yeah? So?"

"That's where I've been throwing my old cow bones. I don't think there's any room left for the koi. Or water, for that matter. Which means…"

Naruto facepalmed. "Soft landing my ass."

"Glad to see you've grown a bit of a brain since we last met. Maybe your IQ'll go up a bit?"

"Shut up and let's move."

"GODDAMNIT NARUTO QUIT STEALING MY LINES!"

* * *

After double and triple-checking for a fangirl horde, Naruto and his kage bunshin tiptoed over to the Hyuga Estate and poked their heads over the top. What they saw made them sweatdrop, and when Josh popped on his X-ray filter, not lowering himself to peer over a wall, crack up as well.

Hiashi, despite all the warnings that Naruto had given, as well as posted on the walls about trying to enter, had attempted to blast his way though the walls with a wad of explosive tags. The wall, being smarter than that, detonated a blast button and sent the leader flying, landing head-first on a cow skull and was now wearing it like a helmet, albeit one that was stuck on his head.

"Well, guess those blast buttons were good for something after all. Next time, remind me to put a bunch of straw in that pond."

"What for?"

"Scarecrow."

"Yes?" Kakashi intoned, poking his head over the wall.

"Not talking about you."

"Ah…" he said, dropping back below the wall.

"Well," Josh sighed, still smiling, "Might as well get that skullcap off his head. Though he's so hard-headed, I doubt it would make much of a difference."

Faster then most could see, he flashed down there, made a cutting motion with his hand, and withdrew as the skull neatly split down the middle. "Gotta love the shield. Why were you trying to get into the idiot's house? You know even I had trouble without leveling the county."

"I-" he spat out a small fish.

"Huh… guess there _were_ some koi left."

"Silence! Before I was so _rudely_ ejected from the field, I was trying to deliver _this_." He handed Josh a small document, which he tapped with one finger, slipping on his eyepiece to do the rest.

"Hmm… says here you're breaking off the marriage agreement between the idiot and Double-SSS. You're also… This is something that's a _little_ bigger than sneaking it inside and shoving it in someone's face. As a matter of fact," he grumbled, folding up the note and sticking it in a pouch, "as much as I hate to, we're going to need to call a meeting. Naruto, bring along the stress relief. I have a feeling that I'm gonna need it soon."

* * *

"Why were we called here? Have you no sense of-"

"Well, had I waited until morning, you might have had no clocks left in this village to tell time."

"What, pray tell, is so important?" Koharu growled.

Josh snapped his right hand and gestured with his left, allowing for his helmet, which had been left in an empty chair, to hover and project into midair. "This was handed to me. As you can see, Naruto is not here at the moment."

"So?" Homura yawned. "It's just a cancellation of a marriage contact. We get them all the time. We would have cancelled-"

"Nah. You couldn't have. I've taken a look at this document, and since it's a sealed by the authority of a kage, you can't do jack shit."

"And how do you know _our_ laws?" Koharu asked suspiciously.

Josh grinned. "You would be surprised what you learn when you can read anything with a tap of the finger. Anyway, since this is a contract generated by a kage and does not involve the general village, you wouldn't be able to overrule it. Bonnie, let's hear the text. Some people may still be asleep. Use the known voice generator database."

_I, Minato Namikaze, the Yondaime Hokage of Konohagakure, by the authority vested in me as the father of Naruto Namikaze_-

"HA! I told you! His name-"

"Was changed after this was written." Josh said flatly. "His birth name is Naruto Uzumaki. Continue, Bonnie."

_Hereby, along with my wife, Kushina Uzumaki, do hereby agree to the marriage of my son to the first daughter of Hiashi Hyuga and Harumi Hyuga, who as of yet unnamed at this point. Wait! Quit… that's my brush! _

After some nondescript scribbles, the voice changed to that of Hiashi's. _Her name shall be Hinata, Yondaime. Have we not told you that already?_

The voice changed back, this time with a bit of bite to it. _It seems to have slipped my mind, Hiashi. Anyway, why did you write that down? It's just gonna look like a mess. Might as well start over_-

There was some more scratching, after which Kushina's voice came on. _Like hell! We've gotten far enough, Naruto-kun's using my bladder as a trampoline, and we've still got to seal this contract!_

By this time, everyone in the room was sweatdropping, except for Hiashi, who was red as a beet as he recalled this memory.

_Right… right… where was I..? Ah! Right. Between Naruto Namikaze and Hinata Hyuga. This contract can only be revoked by the authority of a majority vote of those who signed this seal, or either child rejecting this contract. I know you council members will be trying to cancel this, so don't even bother. This contract is by my will, and those who try to oppose it shall be struck down! Our blood and our names seal this contract! _

As Bonnie finished, four sets of thumbprints and signatures appeared in the air, identifying the holders.

"As you can see, the contract was solidified some nineteen and a half years ago. However, Hiashi, as the only known surviving signer of this contract, has sole control over it. Under this provision, he is perfectly free to void the contract. My question is; _why?_"

"Excuse me? I believe that, as you have said, I have every right to-"

"No, no. You misunderstand me." Josh raised his hands. "Most fathers would give their left nut for this chance. Your daughter is not only betrothed to the son of a Kage, but also is the last remaining descendent of two extremely powerful families. He's distantly related to the Senju, don't ask. DNA tests. He's rich, he's a kind kid if you're not a fangirl, and that's just his local life."

"Local life?"

"Yeah… as a Guardian, he's one of the youngest ever to achieve Proto, Initial, Dark, and Sacred Guardian Stages. He was trained by the last of the Original Seven Guardians, he's a Class S Guardian, and he works with me, the nephew of the Seventh Director of all Guardians, a high ranking military officer, and a Class S Guardian to boot. His legions of fangirls are second to none, and their parents can't exactly say no. What with his pedigree, abilities, finances, and looks, what sane person doesn't want their daughter to marry him?"

"He is insane and carries a demon-"

"Hate to break it to you, but the stronger someone is, the higher the chance of insanity is. After you spend all that time training, something's gonna give. And he's actually less insane than the vast majority of guardians, myself included. As for the demon, Kyuubi's quite docile… as long as you don't royally piss him off. Celebrating his quote unquote 'death' is a great way to piss him off. Just a small hint."

"It matters not. I am dissolving this marriage contract-"

"Ah… there is a slight technicality there."

"Excuse me?"

Josh pushed up his eyepiece. "According to the laws of the village, a party that seeks to break a marriage contract, without the consent of the other party, is allowed by the opposing party to, at the expense of the same party, to host a tournament to challenge the breaking of the contract, but the breaking party gets to make up the rules, within reason. I have no idea why you guys included that provision. It makes even less sense than Aizen's weakness."

"What?"

"Oh. Did I say that out loud? Sorry. Someone I knew. Anyway, to put it simply, if you want to break off the contract, Naruto is free to declare a tournament and challenge that revocation. 'Course, he would have to pay for it, but I've seen his finances. It won't even faze him. And if it does, I'll lend him some cash."

"And how do you plan to get him to throw this tournament? As I recall, he's got a problem with girls."

"_Fangirls_." The guardian corrected. "He's got no problem with the ones that aren't trying to get into his pants. And honestly? I worked with the guy for sixteen hundred years. I think I know what buttons to push. Bonnie? Check my finances."

"Checking. Excluding deposit boxes and unique artifacts, you currently possess four hundred million and six hundred thousand credits, enough to fully rearm the _Strife_."

Josh bit his lip, thinking. "Well, with a Class C Mission, I should have enough to wangle it. All right, patch me through to the idiot."

"Patching."

"_!_"

"Huh. Looks like the fangirls found him. Right. NARUTO! Get to the council chambers now! I've got a deal for you!"

"IWOULDBUTIMFUCKINGRUNNING!"

The swordsman sighed. "Bonnie, would you be so kind as to activate one of the orbital cannons, flash mode? Buy him enough time to get away. OI! IDIOT! CLOSE YOUR EYES! FLASH INBOUND!"

It was rather fortunate that the dome on the top of the council chambers were still boarded up after the last meeting regarding Naruto, or everyone inside would have been blinded. As it was, the flash was enough to make everyone see spots, even through the crack under the door.

By the time they had rubbed their eyes clean, Naruto had already Hiraishined into the room and was sealing up the door. "Goddamn, that was a big crowd. Never knew Konoha had that many women. Right. Deal?"

Josh pocketed all the documents and his eyepiece, slipping his helmet on right afterwards. "Throw a tournament to break a contract, and I'll pay for all your ramen for the first year after we get back to central. Win the tournament, and I'll pay for the first ten years."

"Deal. Wait, what contract?"

Josh grinned under his helmet and passed Naruto the contract, which he scanned rapidly. "No backing out now. Oh, and just so that you know, I intend to enter."

* * *

Author's Note:

WOOT.

Back.

Yeah, sorry for the update. Parents are getting on my case about college, and along with my APs, well.

Let's just say that time is limited.

So, things are getting intresting. Umm, so what do you think of the double release? Should i go to them, or stick with single ones?

Just give me a shout out in the reviews.

Speaking of reviews...

WHERE ARE THEY!

BLARG! REVIEWS! COME ON PEOPLE! I HATE PREACHING TO AN EMPTY ROOM! ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING!

That being said, that's all.

Expect the next chapter soon.

Xingster.


	28. Chapter 27

Chapter XXVII: The tournament gathers steam and migraines!

(A/N: I apologize for my bad rapping beforehand. I have no skills in that whatsoever.)

"Wait, wait, wait. _You're_ competing? I might as well throw the entire thing your way! There's no way in _hell_-"

Josh patted him on the head, nearly buckling his knees. It was obvious that he was recalling older days where he could do this without much trouble. "There, there. Guardians never say the 'I' world. Now, let's get going. Setting up a tournament is hard work, you know." With that, he grabbed Naruto by the scruff of his neck, dragged him to the door, shattered the seal and the said door with a single punch, and walked out, Ki following behind while playing a mocking tune on a flute.

Tsunade was the first to recover. "Well, you have nobody to blame but yourself for that one, Hiashi. I trust you'll get the rules to me soon?"

"Yes…" he said, still dumbfounded at the display. "Yes… I'll be getting the rules and my entrants to you tomorrow."

With another nod, Tsunade stalked out of the mostly wrecked room, taking in a deep breath of the crisp night air. "What madness has Hiashi unleashed this time?"

* * *

"Explain to me why I'm throwing this tournament and burning a quarter of my money for again?"

"Shut up and work. Speaking of work, he never does any. Make a chakra clone and call out Uzu again. I swear, Ki comes back with something more insulting, I'm gonna rip him a-"

"LOOSELIPS!"

"That's it. I'm gonna kill him." Josh said simply as he drew his sword. "He's gonna die."

"NYAA NYAA NYAA NYAA NYAAAA NYAAAAA! YOOOU CANNNN'T CATCH MEEEEE!"

Josh tore out of his seat, slashing and cutting at Ki, who simply laughed and ducked out of the way of each blow, rolling his way out the door, which the swordsman ripped off the hinges in a flurry of strikes, bellowing his rage and chasing after him.

The original sighed and returned to the paperwork lined up in front of him. "Why do I even bother with those two?"

* * *

A couple of days passed, even with Naruto's kage bunshin helping out, the paperwork proved to be enormous. Of all the paperwork, the ones that required the most attention were the vendors; which had to be contacted, haggled with, had their supplies ordered, and set up in places, the invitations, which had to be sent properly to avoid offending anybody, which could result in a messy war that _nobody_ wanted to deal with, the venue, since the Chunin Exam Stadium was far too small to hold such a large event, as well as the security seal, which was giving Josh a migraine beyond all migraines . Not only did it have to defend against attacks, but it had to identify proper targets so that it didn't vaporize a visiting merchant by accident.

Normally, this wouldn't be needed. When a marriage contract was usually broken off, there was often no fight, as it was consensual. If there was a fight, a backyard or the academy fields would often do. Very rarely would the Chunin Exam Stadium be needed, but had been used several times when an Uchiha had been broken off.

But nothing like this.

The Chunin Stadium was rated at seven thousand people, maybe a little more if people stood to watch. The expected attendance was well over forty thousand, which would mean people could sit on each other's laps and on the ceiling and still be short. That would not sit well with the foreign dignitaries.

So, Naruto's kage bunshin, under Bonnie's remote voice direction, were building a pre-fab stadium to match. They had to bribe Yamato to regrow the forest later, but they had cleared the area and had poured the foundation in the cliff behind the Hokage Monument. While they were doing that, another group, this time supervised by an irate Josh, were setting up a set of high-speed elevators to bring them up there. As the swordsman himself had said, "Just because your world is stuck in the technological dark ages doesn't mean I have to be. Fuck the stairs; I'm installing either a man-cannon or elevators. Your choice. There's no way in hell I'm making that jump every single time I want to go up there."

While this was happening, other teams of kage bunshin, each with solder pills on hand, were delivering the invitations by hand. Kage bunshin tended not to hold together so well while using Hiraishin, falling apart at even a light breeze, and a bunch of floating letters in a Kage's office tended not to deliver the right impression. Besides, it was rude to simply appear inside an office and say that you had letters to the event of the year.

From the grins and the chuckles that Naruto occasionally expressed as he went through more of the paperwork, reactions were starting to come back from the kage bunshin who had dispelled.

* * *

_From Suna_:

"Hmm… It seems as though I have no choice… Kankuro?"

"Yeah?"

"Get Temari, Baki, and a travel entourage together. It seems as though Naruto has gotten himself into something again."

"What did the blond midget do this time?"

Gaara sealed and folded the letter, attaching it to his personal messenger hawk and throwing it out the window. "I'll explain on the way. The tournament is in a week. If the council lets us travel without restriction, even with the entourage, it'll take five days. We need to rest when we get there."

"You still haven't explained to me what trouble Naruto's gotten himself into!"

The Kazekage blinked. "We're going to be fighting in a tournament. Get your puppets and your makeup. We leave in two hours."

"FOR THE LAST TIME! IT'S WAR PAINT!"

"Of course… whatever you say, brother."

* * *

_From Mizu_:

Mei Terumi, the Godaime Mizukage eyed the pack of nervous kage bunshin like a hungry wolf would a nice steak. "So… the Hyuga are breaking off the engagement, and you're going to fight it? Interesting… Chojuro? Summon the Shinobigatana Nananin Shu…"

"Umm, Mizukage-sama? There's only… four… of us still here."

"Oh, poo. That's right. Well, get Ao, and we're off!"

"To where, Mizukage-sama?"

She smiled flirtatiously at the kage bunshin, who started dispelling rather quickly. "To Konoha, of course. I can't miss out on this opportunity… Anyway…" she coughed daintily, blushing slightly. "To Konoha!"

* * *

_From Iwa_:

Onoki glared at the kage bunshin, which glared right back at him. Despite being attacked on the border by several dozen panicked ANBU, the copies had made their way into Iwa after some fancy footwork, look a distraction, and an army of borrowed badgers. Where he had gotten the badgers, Naruto would always decline to say, but rumor has it that they worked in the same agency as Josh's Rabbits.

"So… Minato's son, are you?"

The kage bunshin continued to stare at Onoki intently… almost amusedly.

"I asked you a question!"

"We answer only to our boss. And the log."

The aged shinobi sighed. "Right… right… if I must. I'll come, but if anything goes wrong, I'll have your head on a platter."

One of the kage bunshin snickered and transformed into a head, which the other clones tossed to the Tsuchikage. "Our security deposit. Something's gonna go wrong. Josh and I are both in this tournament." And with that, the sniggering clones dispelled, leaving Onoki alone in his office, jaw dropping when the transformed head winked at him.

* * *

_From Kumo_:

"RAWRG! A TOURNAMENT! WE HAVE NO NEED OF A TOURNAMENT!" He smashed yet another desk while benching it. "ARRG!"

The lone kage bunshin facepalmed and pitied the original for when he got the information, since it would be more migraine than anything else. "First of all, you're a ninja, not a pirate, so stop the screaming. Number two, you don't have to come, I just thought that we-"

"RAWRG! A TOURNAMENT! OF COURSE WE SHALL JOIN! COME, BEE! LET US HEAD TO KONOHA!"

And with that, he tore out the side of his office, leaving a Raikage-sized hole in the wall.

A sigh came from behind the clone, which turned around to see an exasperated secretary. "Excuse Rakage-sama. He didn't take his medicine this morning."

"Yo yo! Dattebayo!"

"Hey, Bee. Long time no see."

Bee staggered into the office, a gourd of sake in one hand, his book of rhymes in the other. "Man! I heard what my brother said, but you've sure grown by a head!"

"You too, Bee. Still rapping away I see."

Bee laughed as he downed some more sake. "Yeah, I've been keeping busy, but right now, I'm sorta dizzy!"

"Maybe if you laid off the sake…"

"Nonsense! What's this about a tournament I hear, for your sake I hope that there's beer!"

The clone shook its head. "Bee, you need to go sober right now. Any more alcohol, and you might start spitting ink at people. Remember what happened last time?"

Bee ignored him and continued drinking. "But hey, I know that if you're going to run it, then it'll be a smash number one hit!"

"Yeah… I'm gonna dispel now… Just send the letter back with a hawk or something. For recordkeeping and tax purposes. You know this is a tax deductible event? I should have more irate fathers breaking off marriage contracts with me…"

And with that statement, it too dispelled, leaving behind a bemused secretary and a blinking Bee, who glanced at the gourd before tossing it out the window and charging after his brother.

* * *

A day after all of the messengers had returned their memories to the original, Naruto finished drawing up the contestants from his side. Each side had a set number of entrants that they could declare, and in this tournament, there were quite a few, being the meeting of three major clans, as well as an extremely powerful shinobi.

For the sake of pairing fairly and that no one person got their way to the finals by means of practical byes, both Naruto and Hiashi sent their entrants off to Tsunade, who forwarded them onto an unknown third party, who would make the pairings randomly and would be kept secret until the start of the tournament.

In the meantime, with another team of kage bunshin busy chipping away at the wiring and the plumbing, which would empty out far downstream, thanks to a couple of spare teleportation seals that Josh found tucked away in a locker, Naruto went underground. Literally.

He left a couple of kage bunshin, as well as the newly-reformed Uzu upstairs, saying that "He would only get in the way", and "why don't you go beat down Ki? He's the reason why we're so pissed at you."

Taking extra care to seal the door properly this time, even Josh would have found it difficult to break in without completely shattering the foundations of the village, if he even had time to before the start of the tournament.

However, even with the seals in place, as well as the way that the dojo was built, his screams of frustration, pain, and randomness still managed to float out, assaulting Josh's ears to the point where he had started broadcasting a local noise canceller to sleep at night and Hinata her earplugs as well.

Two days into the intense training, the blue-haired girl had tried to go downstairs to check up on her blond, but was turned away by Uzu and Ki, who had cards out and were playing a game of Egyptian Ratslap. When she had gone to Josh, the swordsman just shook his head.

"I wouldn't go down there if I were you. Yeah, I could probably punch the seal and break it, but it might make this place collapse. He played his cards well this time. SLAP, UZU! SLAP THAT BITCH!" Josh shouted at Uzu, who fell over, asleep again. It was lucky that they were playing with fifteen decks, or this would have ended a LONG time ago.

"Anyway, no. I'm not going to break that seal for you. If can get past those two-" He nodded with his chin. "You might still have the ability to break the seal. But," he sighed. "I'm not going to be held responsible for any injuries you may and probably will suffer. Setting up all this shit is hard enough, even with the kage bunshin. Speaking of which, I had better get going. Setting up the monitors today."

With another shake of his head, he popped the front door, the front gate, stunned half a dozen fangirls, and continued on his way, the entourage of kage bunshin hiraishining to the mostly completed stadium after sending an advance scout to make sure the landing zone was clear.

_Let me do this. I can get past these two._

Hinata focused inside her mind, pulling up her mindscape. Her inner self had taught this skill to her almost immediately after the shock after she had discovered the marriage contract. She still wasn't too good at it, so even standing perfectly still, the blue-haired girl still had trouble linking up properly.

_A-Are you sure? Those two don't seem like much, but they're still_-

Her inner self snorted. _Please. I took out one of his Ids without much trouble. I think I can handle two Egos._

_W-Well, if y-you're sure…_

_Of course I am! And quit stuttering! _

Hinata closed her eyes and focused for a few seconds before opening her eyes again. To the average person, nothing would have changed, but to a trained eye, or a guardian, she was more relaxed, confident, and dangerous.

To the two sitting in front of the door, who weren't exactly in a combat-ready phase, it was child's play to go up and disable both of them. Uzu was lying with his head facing backwards, and Ki had been chased out of the house, with the doors, windows, and other forms of entry locked firmly after his exit.

Neither was fatal, but bought her enough time to take a crack at the seal.

One of many cracks, as it would seem.

Her first attempt was simply placing her palm on the door and pulsing energy into it, expecting it to disable itself and let her through. When nothing happened, she bit her thumb and rubbed some blood on the seal and palmed it again. It still didn't break.

Getting angry, she coated her hand in chakra and made a cutting motion, which only resulted in her blasting off half of her clothes as it rebounded back at her. Fuming, she picked up her bisected shirt and bra, one hand keeping her modesty as Uzu tried to reset his head the right way. Despite the fact that she was more open then her true self, she still had high standards.

"_Problems?_"

She flinched and turned around to see a life-sized projection of Josh floating in midair, grinning sagely. "_Yeah. Thought so._"

She gritted her teeth. "And do you care to tell me what that is?"

Josh took his time polishing his visor. "_Not completely sure, but I have my suspicions._"

"Tell me."

The swordsman didn't look all that concerned as he reslotted his helmet. "_You're brighter than Naruto. Why don't you figure it out? It shouldn't be that difficult. I've got a boatload of kage bunshin to direct_."

With that, he faded from view as the projection ended.

'Hinata' kicked Uzu in frustration.

* * *

Below, in the Dojo.

"Arrg… I think I finally stabilized it. Man… who knew I was this outta shape."

Naruto twisted his hands, only to have another explosion, which sent him rocketing toward the ceiling. "Nope." He said to himself in a muffled voice. "I didn't get it."

Dropping back to the floor, he formed the necessary seals once more, only to be sent flying before his hands even got close together. "All right, this isn't working. Guess twisting isn't the key. Straight conversions didn't work." He groaned as he pulled himself out of the wall. "Let's try something else…"

* * *

"COME ON! PUT YOUR GROIN INTO IT! HERNIA! HERNIA!"

"Then why don't you come over here and help us, instead of sitting over there, drinking margaritas?"

"Cuz I'm real and you're not. Now get back to work before I vaporize the lot of you."

The kage bunshin grumbled, but returned to work. They did not want to incur the ire of their creators unless it was necessary. Getting destroyed by Josh for who was drinking was a great way to piss them off.

The said swordsman finished his drink, crushing the cup he had poured it into. "Right. Time for me to unrust. Bonnie, you got this? Gotta go and get ready."

The AI knew that there was no point in arguing. Her owner had already whipped out his combat knife and was twirling it from hand to hand, whistling as he walked away.

* * *

Three more days passed, with the entire village living in constant fear of their houses collapsing in on them. Naruto's tremors had been bad enough, despite the suppression, but Josh was really rocking the applecart. Nobody could even get close to his training grounds without nearly breaking their noses on an invisible barrier, so they couldn't tell. The stench of fried birds which had run into the shield from the inside was proof enough that whatever it was he was doing was nothing pleasant to get on the wrong side of.

At the end of the third day, the seal on the door leading to the dojo faded, and a Naruto who looked the worse for wear staggered his way out, muttering about how twisting should have worked.

Uzu, after much coercion, which consisted mostly of being threatened to be turned into fangirl bait again, fled from the said fangirls to where Josh was training. After knocking twice on the barrier, he turned and hiraishined away, only to run into another crowd, which swarmed him, groping in many uncomfortable places.

* * *

Josh, on the other hand, had just risen from his lotus position. Meditation, or his case, a unique fusion of meditation and sleep, did wonders for guardians.

Shaking off his lightheadedness, he prepared to leave by punching a tree, which deactivated the seal around him. "Right. Just have to get back to Naruto now."

He blinked as he was surrounded by fangirls. "Well." He mused as he whipped out his sword, not really in a mood to mess around. "Guess we're going to have to do this the hard way." He traced two fingers along the length of his sword, chanting under his breath. The sword turned a frightening shade of blue…

* * *

Naruto winced as he felt the combined shock of Josh launching an attack and Hinata swabbing his wounds with an alcoholic swab. Either one was bad enough by themselves, but when the two combined, it was a recipe for wincing.

"Ano…"

"Don't worry about it. Josh just went off on some fangirls. He should be knocking any second now."

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it. You go and get some rest. The tournament is tomorrow. I'm sure that Josh has some crackpot-"

He didn't get any further, as Josh charged his way into the room, slung a shocked Naruto over one shoulder, and carried him out of the room, saying something about his stasis field and memories.

* * *

"What was THAT for? And how did you get in?"

The brunette was already configuring the stasis field. "Leftover blood and a frequency scrambler. Same as last time. Once you figure it out, it's not hard to get in. Now, get in the field. I was hoping to hold off on these, but since I sense trouble-"

"Wait." Naruto interrupted, halfway into the field. "Trouble?"

"Yep." Josh intoned as he pulled out three clear containers. "Detected a couple of bijuu entering the area, as well as a couple of high energy levels. Spent the last twelve hours meditating."

"Wha-"

"Shut up and take your memory." The swordsman growled as he shoved his hand, laden with three memory vials into the back of Naruto's neck.

Ignoring the blond's screams of pain, Josh finally relaxed and pulled out his hip flask. "Ah… nothing quite like screams of pain in the morning."

* * *

"Did you have to dump three in at once? That fucking hurt."

"Hey. I'm not the one who lost control and had to have his memory removed. I blame you."

Naruto, who was still rubbing his tender skull, opened the door and walked out, grimacing. It's twelve hours before the tournament and you give me a migraine the size of the fucking US deficit…"

"Well, it's either that, or you'd be stuck in a whole the size of it. What's next?"

The blond tapped his temple one more time, sighing at the relief it provided. "I'm gonna rescue Gaara from the clutches of the local inn. God knows that a huge event brings inflation. Stay here and-"

"-I ain't staying here. I need to go and make sure that your idiot bunshin set up the screens right. Last thing we want is a crossed wire broadcasting porn in the middle of the goddamned tournament…"

"Whatever-"

"N-Naruto-kun?"

The two paused mid-discussion. Josh coughed, made his excuses, and left.

"Hey, Hinata-chan! Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Oh real smooth, Romeo."

Naruto chucked a kunai at Ki, who caught it and attempted to throw it back, but got it caught in the ceiling instead. "Jesus. We need to get you some combat lessons."

"And we need to get you some lessons on how to take a girl to-"

The original dropped to one knee and spun off a half dozen Bullet Rasengan, which his fragment dodged with epic ease. "Just shut up and go away. I'm having a conversation here."

"Sure. A conversation on how to get into her pants to-"

Ki cackled as his boss shot a lance of fire his way and wisely decided to retreat. His boss didn't need to hit him to punish him.

Getting mind crushed was plenty painful.

"… Should I handle Ki?"

"Shut up and go get me a sandwich."

"… You eat sandwiches?"

"You know what?" Naruto sighed. "Just go jump off a cliff or something. Better idea. Go catch Ki."

"D-Did you want something?"

The blond sighed again. "You know, I'm sure it was to say something inspiring or something… but… now I just… don't care."

"I… I'm gonna go now."

"Probably a good idea."

As the unnerved girl turned around, a piece of plastic whizzed by her ear and embedded itself in the wall. Hinata pulled the card out, puzzled.

"VIP entry to the stadium. You'll be able to get into most areas. Just don't go wandering too far off the beaten path. Josh's automated turrets have a reputation of being a little trigger happy…" her crush explained as he walked around the corner… only to get firebombed by Josh as he chased Ki back around the corner, shouting his lungs out.

"GET BACK HERE YOU SONOFABITCH!"

"THIS IS THE BEST GAME SINCE GRIFBALL!"

"OH GOD I'M ON FIRE! WHY ISN'T ANYONE HELPING ME?"

Hinata sweatdropped as Josh turned another corner, throwing more Molotov Cocktails at Ki, while Naruto attempted to put the fire out via panicking, spreading the flames all over the wall, almost catching Hinata in the conflagration.

* * *

"What did Ki do this time?"

Josh scowled and tore a strip out of the chicken leg he was holding. "Stole my hip flask- don't ask me how he got his hands on it, and topped it off with mouthwash. Said something about me needing to clean my mouth out. Ruined a perfectly good bottle of moonshine."

Naruto shrugged. "Isn't that an improvement? I've never liked moonshine. It tastes like Windex."

"_That's_ because you always bought that rotgut shit from Jabba." The swordsman shot back. "I told you to get Ahcim's, but you always bitched about how much it'd cost. Ahcim's has a very fine taste."

"Like motor oil?"

"Exactly. Like motor oil. Which is what all good moonshine should strive to attain. Ooh. Mushrooms. Thanks, Double-SSS."

Naruto sighed and stared out the window, the pre-dawn glow starting to appear over the horizon, illuminating the giant carved heads and the stadium with an ephemeral glow. "It's almost time."

Josh popped two more biscuits before standing up and stretching. "I'll go on ahead of you. Gotta power up the fusion cores and reroute power to the stadium. Meet me there in, what, half an hour?"

The blond rolled his eyes. "I'll go with you. Make sure that Hiashi hasn't somehow poisoned all of the other entrants. Gaara might be a little pissed if he did."

"Sandman's here? Sweet. Can't wait to fight him."

Naruto snorted. "You'd just turn him into dust in about fifteen seconds. What's the point?"

"It'll keep me amused." And with that, Josh phased out of existence, the door opening and slamming itself in almost the same instant.

"Well, so much for me going with you." The blond grumbled before turning to Hinata. "Erm, not that I mind, but why are you in an apron… Oh… breakfast. Ah… right. Stupid question."

"THERE ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS ONLY STUPID PEOPLE!"

Naruto facepalmed. "Goddamnit Ki, go eat some C12 or something. Uzu, go with him. Both of you blow up."

"… What did I do?"

"Just shut up. Hinata-chan? These two are your escorts to the stadium. They'll show you your seat. If Ki pisses you off, hit Uzu."

"… why me?"

The original shot him a strange look. "Do you really think that she'll be able to hit Ki?" And with that, phased out of existence, this time not disturbing the door."

* * *

Temari, who had come along with her brothers as part of the entourage, picked up a strange tri-pronged kunai and gave it a questioning once-over. "Hey, Gaara? Why do you have-"

She didn't get any further as Naruto materialized right on top of her, knocking them both to the ground.

"Hmm? Oh, don't touch that. That's…" Gaara's voice trailed off.

"Problem? Pfft!"

Kankuro poked his head into the room, spitting out his mouthful of tools as he saw the sight that was before him. Naruto, caught up in the slight post-teleportation haze, hadn't managed to recover, mostly because he hadn't expected anyone on the other end. Gaara had let loose his raccoon, which was now being chased around Konoha, so he hadn't considered fangirls to be a threat. Besides, who was suicidal enough to disturb Gaara's sleep?

_On second thought, better not answer that question._ He thought as his head cleared. _Hang on. Since when does the inn have breast-shaped pillo- Ah, fuck._

"Someone is eager to get married, I see." The redhead said coolly, his sand slowly emerging from the gourd on his back.

Naruto blinked and looked down.

Temari, who was still shocked by his sudden appearance, seemed to be getting over the shock. Despite the fact that he wasn't very good at telling a woman's emotions most of the time, the steadily rising heat in her face, his hand on her left breast, and the general straddling position wasn't very good for business. Well, for his end, at any rate.

Before she could castrate him with Gaara's sand, Naruto smartly rolled off her. Unfortunately, his hand couldn't quite dislodge without taking something with it. In this case, it was a chunk of Temari's shirt and most of her bra, leaving her private parts out in the open for all to see.

"Did you have to defile my sister?" Gaara deadpanned, sand still at the ready.

The guardian shook his head as he rolled to avoid a one-handed fan bash, nearly bowling over Kankuro in the process. "It was an accident! I only came here to escort you to the stadium. That, and to check for food poisoning."

"Food poisoning? You mean the Fugu we had last night? We caught that. Just a shot of antivenom and we're good to go." Kankuro stated weakly as he picked himself up.

"_We_ caught that. _We_ were good to go." The kazekage droned. "Our entourage is still in the hospital."

"Wait. Wha-" Naruto said as he was finally conked in the head by the still-raging Temari, poofing into smoke directly afterwards."

"Not going to get me twice with that fan, Temari." Another Naruto said sagely, hanging upside down on the ceiling, nodding all the while.

Just then, a knock came at the door, which then popped open to reveal Shikamaru, who just sighed and averted his eyes. "Temari. Put a shirt on."

"Do you not like what you see?" she demanded, free hand tightening on the fan.

The lazy jonin sighed again and turned around. "As troublesome as it is, I don't. But your brothers might."

"I hate to interrupt this little marriage session, but the tournament starts in an hour, and I've still gotta go pick up Bee and the Mizukage."

Naruto spent the next ten minutes dodging sand, blades, poison, and shadows. Rather difficult in a darkened room.

* * *

"Yo, yo! Dattebayo! What up Naruto?"

"RAWRG!"

"Good to see you, Bee, Raikage-san. The original's busy with some sand right now, so I'll be escorting you to the tournament."

"TOURNAMENT! WE HAVE NO NEED-"

"Raikage-sama! Did you take your medicine?"

"RAWRG! NO NEED MEDICINE! NEED HULK SMASH!"

"Bee-sama! Please! Hold your brother down!"

"You must be one crazy lady! Even with the Hachibi, my chances are pretty hazy!"

"I'll do it." Naruto volunteered, taking the hypodermic needle. "Here." He said, making another kage bunshin. "I probably won't survive this, so he'll take you to the stadium. Right. Stand back. Anywhere I should aim for? No? Right. Neck it is."

Faster then most could see, the kage bunshin whipped out a pair of kunai and hurled them at the Raikage. Before the drug-deprived man could react, the clone had bounced a dozen times between them and jammed the needle into his neck, letting loose a stream of medicine.

However, the moment that the syringe was depressed, the shell couldn't take any more abuse, and it poofed into a cloud of smoke, leaving the others befuddled. "Right, Bee? Take your bro and let's go."

* * *

"Umm… why do I have the feeling that I should have worn more protective gear?"

Ao sighed, hand covering his stolen Byakugan as he shook his head. "Sorry. Mizukage-sama has been acting rather-"

"Oh Narrruto-kuuun!" a sultry voice came from the back of the room.

"Umm. I don't mean to be rude, but what the hell was that?"

The bodyguard sighed again. "That was Mizukage-sama."

Naruto sweatdropped and took a step backwards. "Yeah… I think I'm gonna just back away. Slowly. If I move slowly, maybe she won't see me."

Ao sighed. "Maybe it's for the best. We'll see you at the tournament."

* * *

Naruto kicked Josh in the ass, biting back a swear as he stubbed his toe against the shield.

"Once again, you forgot about the shield. Just because something's invisible doesn't mean it's not there, Naruto."

"Whatever. Are we ready to go?"

The swordsman snorted. "I swear to god, I must have died or something, cuz you're channeling me really heavily right now."

"Meh. Must have been something in the water."

"Oh, that was just the anti-pheromone solution. Kyuubi mentioned something about nearly being torn apart by rabid fangirls." He shrugged, tightening one more wire. "Consider us even from that one time."

"Never mind that." Naruto said, shaking his head to clear it. "Are the monitors ready? There are people at the gates already."

"Just… about… done. Yep. Pulled these from deep storage. 16k HD, with 6x6 cadence rendering. Should be enough to slow down our movements for the average person to see with some eye straining. Thought about doing holographic projections, then I realized there's no way to slow down a live projection without messing with the firmware, and there's no time for a BSOD right now."

"Are they all linked up?"

Josh made two swipes in midair, flashing on all the monitors and revealing a giant pair of boobs. "Yep. Done. Wait a second, wait a second. WHAT THE FUCK!"

The swordsman turned around and kicked the box, denting it, causing the monitors to start broadcasting an image of a giant dick. "Well, shit. Did Ki get loose again?"

Naruto kicked the box as well, leaving a huge dent as well, despite his sandals. "He was supposed to escort Hinata here, so unless Uzu let him out of his sight-"

"Which isn't exactly hard." Josh interrupted, kicking the box again, leaving a third dent, this time warping the image to one of Josh and the word 'Looselips' stamped across his chest. "Knowing Ki, there's probably just a couple more of these."

Naruto sighed and headed to the front gate. Josh would probably be standing there for the next couple of minutes, kicking a rapidly denting control center until he got past all of Ki's bullshit.

"Kage bunshin, take up secondary defensive positions, henge if you need to. Half go on overwatch, half go on active patrol. God, I love being in control."

"_Nacht, next time, change your goddamned channel. There's no need to bark the orders into my ear._"

"Roger that."

And with that, he undid the thick chains on the gates and let the crowds in.

"Let's get this party started."

* * *

Author's Note:

Yo...

Sorry, people. Been gone for a while. Since i'm a senior in HS, work is kinda beating me over the head.

Man, it's been two years. Two very. very. VERY. FUN. years.

Well, with the exception of the flamers. Those sucked.

Anyway, this is the two-year anniversary of Timeless.

If all goes well, i should be done with Timeless at the end of this year.

Yep. It's coming to a close.

As the proverb says, "All good things must come to an end."

But don't worry. You'll still have the prequels to console you.

And did I mention a Part II as well?

Just saying.

To those who have followed me since the beginning, i thank you. To those just discovering this, welcome. To those who have been with me since about Chapter XVI, well. Let's get something started.

Till next time.

Xingster

P.S. Pay attention to the prequels if you like them. Got a treat for you guys. Maybe in a couple of days?

Ja ne, all.


	29. Chapter 28

Chapter XXVIII: Rules, Regulations, Seeding, Beer.

'Naruto' sweatdropped. "What the… Uzu, what the hell happened?"

Uzu, who was wearing a bonnet and a dress, sighed. "… A bet, Ki, Hanabi, two sticks of butter, and a plunger. I don't think you want to know, Nacht."

"Are you getting more random?"

"… Yes, Nacht. In my defense, I'm working with Ki. That made Blackie more random."

"And he went on a fucking killing spree. Right. Is Hinata up in the booth? Good. Let's get back to Josh. Maybe we can save the box still."

When the two got back to the main ring of the stadium, they found a fuming Josh gesturing and a small piece of crumpled steel at his feet. "… Lost your temper?"

The brunette popped his visor and shot the two blonds a withering glare. "Don't. Say. A. Fucking. Word."

"… Bacon."

Faster then Uzu could yawn, the swordsman had sent him flying with a nice kick to the gut. "Nice kick." Nacht remarked.

Josh grunted and returned to making gestures in midair, sending signals to his onboard computer. "I spend two days working on this setup, and Ki dumps a lockout bug into the system."

"How did he get in? Ki's about a tech literate as a roll of toilet paper. Hell, at least you can use the TP to clean up shit on the keyboard."

"Don't. Know. Don't. Care. Right. Now. Go. Away. Nacht. I'm. Pissed."

"All right, all right. Jesus. There's no need to bite my head off. You're pissed. I get it."

Nacht strolled away, his trained eye scanning the tops of the stadiums for the disguised kage bunshin. Satisfied, he nodded and walked away, ignoring the glares of the Iwa shinobi now coming down on him. The Id, never to take something like that lying down, retaliated with a blast of his own killer intent, causing some of the chunin to lose their breakfasts onto their senpai's heads. The Tsuchikage was not among their number.

Shrugging at the vomit-drenched jonin who themselves were feeling a bit queasy, he picked up a bowl of ramen and tore into it as a pre-battle power boost. It would have been quiet until the start of the tournament… except that Bee found him and insisted to have a showdown of rhymes.

"For the last time, Bee. I don't want to spit any rhymes! Uzu! You're not bad at rapping! Distract him!"

"… Oh, so now I'm good at something, am I? You always called me good for nothing except a turd or a turd farmer. Why so serious now?" Uzu yawned, stretching his jaw with a sickening crack.

* * *

Hiashi humphed at the arrangements that had been provided for him, as well as the other contestants. Gaara was wringing his sand out after it had gotten caught in some logs, stripped the bark off of them. While bloodstained sand is bad enough, having it rub up against your back constantly was just a pain that he didn't want to deal with. His brother was tending to a couple more puppets, muttering something about how moisture was bad for the joints. Temari, who would not be participating, stood nearby, chatting it up with Shikamaru, who looked resigned to being dragged into this tournament.

Moving further along, he saw Team Gai, who was attempting to stretch out for the tournament by hauling giant blocks of stone around. Tenten looked apprehensive, but his nephew had just flat-out refused to do so. Lee, despite both of their protests, had picked up all of them and was now running around in circles, shouting about youth.

Taking another glance farther away, Kiba and Shino were both standing around, talking. Well, ok. Shino was standing around. Kiba was the one shouting at the top of his lungs about how he was going to win. Kurenai, who had shown up for moral support, just shook her head.

However, drowning out even Kiba's ranting was the incessant shouting of both the Raikage and Bee. Bee was attempting to rap once again, and once again, was failing miserably. What the Raikage was yelling about, he had no idea. Something about cucumbers, crabs, a market day, and pandas, all the while completely oblivious to the glares from the many Hyugas around them.

Onoki, that old wrinkly bastard, was stretching out, muttering about how kids these days had it really easy. His son and granddaughter, both sweatdropping, were glancing around nervously. This was, after all, twenty years ago, the center of the enemy heartland. Being nervous was expected, right?

Josh, who had finally finished setting up the network, was sitting in a corner, running two lasers down the blade of his sword, muttering to himself and occasionally nodding. _The man's a lunatic_. Hiashi concluded, having observed him for a number of minutes.

This continued for several minutes, with several kage bunshin _accidentally_ getting vaporized by the lasers as they wandered by, offering refreshments to the competitors. So far, the largest pile sat next to the Raikage's group, with Bee helping himself to a nice bottle of sake.

This continued for further half hour, the blond himself popping in several times to have a couple of words before rushing back out, looking harassed, often holding random items in his hands.

Tsunade herself poked briefly into the room, glancing around as if looking for someone, then unpoked her head. Apparently, who she was looking for wasn't there.

Finally, Ibiki and Anko, who were both grinning evilly, opened the door. For the former, who was famous for doing his job well, quickly quieted the room.

"All right. Will all competitors follow me? All visitors and noncompetiors follow Anko here, and please don't cut them. Naruto would kill me if had to do more paperwork."

Hiashi looked surprised to see a trace of fear come over the man's eyes. Whatever the blond had threatened Ibiki with, it was enough to unsettle Konoha's top interrogator.

"I'll try not to, but…" She licked her lips. "If anyone looks too tasty, I'll just _have _to take a sample-"

A marked kunai flashed past her face, drawing an ultra-thin line of blood. "And I'll just have to take a sample of your skull as collateral." Naruto's voice shot in from in front of the pair. "No more fucking around. Comon. Josh, get your ass up here."

"Right. Coming, Nacht."

The swordsman resheathed the blade on his back and followed the blond out of the room. The others, taking this as a cue, followed the pair out into the brightness of the rising sun, shading their eyes after the soft glow inside.

* * *

Everyone who wasn't involved in the building of the stadium, that's to say, Naruto, Josh, and to a degree, Hinata, was amazed by the sheer size of the thing. While it wasn't very wide or long, the swordsman had added a second story to the thing, effectively doubling the amount of seats to the public. He had even gone and installed a series of perches if the shinobi present wanted to watch while standing up. A dozen luxury suites as well as a small section of prioritized seating were also available to those who could afford to shell out for them. While an average seat on the second floor cost a mere two hundred ryo, and a seat on the bottom floor doubled that price, the prioritized seats required shelling out ten thousand, and the luxury suites, with the exception of the Hokage's, would set you back a hundred grand.

To make it even more grand, the Commentator's Box wasn't built into the side of the stadium, but rather hanging about fifteen feet off the floor, blocking one of the concession stand from view, but not much else.

Overall, it was a very well-built stadium, complete with two concession stands, a full complement of automated turrets, several restroom suites, and a reinforced bunker for the judge to fall back into in case things went to hell.

With two guardians, two jinchuriki, three kage, and a lot of flammable people around, it could easily and was more than likely go to hell and build a snow fort there.

* * *

Tsunade, after Shizune had pried the sake from her hands with considerable effort, walked surprisingly straight for a person who had been drinking for the better part of an hour. Then again, considering the fact that she spent half her time drinking, it was hardly surprising.

"Welcome to the Uzumaki-Hyuga split Tournament!" she shouted to the crowd at large. "This tournament resulted from the attempting split between Naruto Uzumaki and Hinata Hyuga, to which Naruto Uzumaki officially objected."

"Uhh." Naruto raised his hand. "I didn't officially object. Josh kinda objected for me."

"That still counts. And since you've gone to the _extraordinary_ lengths to set up this tournament-"

"Again. That was Josh." The blond sweatdropped. "Speaking of which. This entire thing was his idea. I'm surprised that he got this set up. The bastard's usually too lazy to wipe his own ass-"

"That's because my armor is self-cleaning." Josh shot back. "Continue on, Grandma."

"Ok…" It was Tsunade's turn to sweatdrop. "Apart from too much information there, let us get to the terms of the tournament! Hiashi, if you please?"

The Hyuga Clan leader strode to the middle of the stadium, next to Tsunade, who frowned. Up in the competitor's box, Josh paused mid-bite, observing Hiashi closely with a mouthful of pie, as the cake was a lie.

The said Hyuga coughed. "Yes. Due to mental instabilities, I have decided to break off this contract. Should Naruto Uzumaki lose at any time during this competition, it shall end and I shall decide the fate of my daughter."

"Fair enough." Josh mused as he took another bite. "Mmm… Blackberry."

"However," Hiashi continued, "Should he emerge victorious in the tournament, there must be two more fights. One with myself, her father, and one with my chosen suitor."

"Well," Josh mused again, still eating. "Mmm… Bullshit."

"To the rules, a competitor may only use powers that the other party has. For instance, if one competitor has a Kekkei Genkai, then Kekkei Genkai would be allowed in that match. If two Jinchuriki fight, they can use their bijuu. The opponent is allowed to allow for an opposing power that they do not have to be used."

By this point, Josh wasn't the only one calling bullshit. Shikamaru, despite his genius, was having mild trouble keeping up. "Were these rules made up as they went along? I feel sorry for Naruto."

"We will now reveal the pairings and the seedings!" Tsunade announced as a smirking Hiashi stomped off the field. "For those of you who are unfamiliar with the process, I shall explain! Unlike the Chunin Exams, where the pairs are arbitrarily and randomly picked, I sent them to a third party to have them paired up by terms of power! Also, unlike the Chunin Exams, there are two brackets! Since we have sixteen active participants in this tournament, there shall be seedings one through eight! These pairings are made thanks to EANCAA! Making bullshit decisions since 1906!"

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune interjected, looking scandalized.

"To the pairings!" At this, an empty bracket, with slots for faces and names popped up on all the screens. "We shall do this from the lowest to the highest seed!"

"Seedings? Well, this should be fun." Josh mused as he took another bite.

"Knowing how much Hiashi hates me, he'll either force us to fight in the first or the last round." Naruto said, downing more ramen.

"Welllll… this _is_ a third party."

"Yeah. And I'm a fucking badger. If Hiashi didn't bribe them somehow, I'll take a bite out of Kyuubi. I would say that I would eat him, but I don't think he would get along well with my ramen."

"At our Number Eight Seeds, we have Inuzuka Kiba of Konoha!" Several fluctuating charts went up, as well as some of his base attacks, the animations making him look rather like a Grey Clifford. "He is above average in the offensive categories, but his defense, speed, and intelligence leave much to be desired."

"HEY!" Kiba roared from his perch. "I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT!"

"NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU TAKE!"

"Our other Number Eight Seed is from Suna! Kankuro… You didn't put a last name. What the fuck."

"It's too long! It didn't fit on the piece of paper!" Kankuro called from his spot.

"All right…" Tsunade sweatdropped before being promptly dragged off the field by an irate Shizune.

"That's enough, Tsunade-sama. Naruto-kun hired an announcer for a reason."

"No, really. I'm fine."

Nacht cocked an eyebrow, chucked a kunai, and got the darker man in an armbar before teleporting down to the stadium floor. "I know you're used to calling Grifball and elections, but I paid out the ass for you."

Bill Jenkins got up and massaged his shoulder. "You didn't have to grapple me, you know." He said reproachfully. "That's gonna leave a mark."

"Oh cry me a fucking river."

"You know," Bill said, clearing his throat. "Nacht is a complete ass."

Naruto's eyes flashed briefly before his shoulders relaxed somewhat. "He can be." The blond admitted, rolling his shoulders after having them stiff for so long. "He does his work, and I can control him. Try not to get killed when Josh and I fight, will you?"

"Uh. Yeah. Remind me to run." Bill coughed, obviously used to stress. "Since the Hokage has already kindly stated our Eighth Seeds, I'll proceed with the seventh. Seed Number Seven from the Eastern Division is Konoha's Shino Aburame! With above-average attack and intelligence, he boasts a bugged out battle! Our other Seventh Seed is C! From Kumo, and again, with no last name. Fine. He possesses a high degree of intelligence and has mastery over Genjutsu!"

As he spoke, the screens split, two going for Shino, where a small video was showing him twisting in midair and sending bugs flying, while C was sending projectiles at an obviously confused target. The graphs, this time still fluctuating, were going up overall, though defense remained low for both of them. The crowd, who had lost some interest at the judging change, returned full force, cheering for the people who had entered.

"OUR SIXTH SEEDS ARE BOTH FROM KONOHA! INTRODUCING SHIKAMARU NARA AND NEJI HYUGA! I APOLOGIZE FOR THE WAY I SAY IT! I AM NOT FROM AROUND HERE!" Bill roared, somewhat red-faced. "Shikamaru is off the charts in terms of intelligence for a local, with an IQ of over 200! His offense and defense go up accordingly, though his speed is sorely lacking! Neji is no slacker either, with an IQ approaching 190 and well-versed in the Hyuga Arts! Among his arsenal is the Kaiten and the… Sixty-four Palms? Jesus, Naruto. I can see why you dress up in orange now!"

The blond shook his head among all the laughter Bill was rousing up. The man had always been good at that, though he lacked in funding. Seriously, he made Josh and himself combined look dry in comparison.

"Moving on to Number 5, which beats Number 6 on a top-ten list, we have our Fifth Seeds! Hailing all the way from Kiri, we have Ao and Chojuro! Ao is an expert member of the Kiri ANBU, and Chojuro is a member of the seven legendary swordsman! Am I saying it right? All right. They both have exceptional speed, strength, and intelligence!"

Bill cleared his throat again. "Now, to be fair, anyone has a equal chance of winning this tournament, but let's be fair. TIME FOR THE HEAVY HITTERS! OUR FOUR SEEDS, HAILING FROM SUNA AND KIRI, MAY I INTRODUCE THE GODAIME MIZUKAGE AND KAZEKAGE! THEY BOTH HAVE EXCEPTIONAL OFFENSE, WITH GAARA HAVING EXCEPTIONAL DEFENSE! INTELLEGENCE IS HIGH, AND SPEED IS ABOVE AVERAGE! THEY'LL BLAST THEIR WAY TO THE TOP!"

As the crowd watched, Gaara's screen double sent a tsunami of sand flying, while Mei spat acid at a target, giving the victory sign directly afterwards.

In the stadium, the real Mei blew a kiss at Naruto, who shuddered.

"TO THE NEXT SEEDS, WE HAVE TWO LOCAL LEGENDS! MAY I INTRODUCE KAKASHI, MR. SCARECROW HIMSELF, AND ONOKI OF THE TWO SCALES, THE SANDAIME TSUCHIKAGE! KAKASHI'S INTELLEGENCE ISN'T A PROBLEM, SPEED IS HIGH, AND ATTACK IS EXCEPTIONAL! ONOKI MAY BE OUT OF HIS PRIME, BUT HE CAN STILL TIP A FEW SCALES IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!"

"It's Ryotenbin no Onoki, you idiot! Get it right!"

"Right you are Mr. Scales! Moving on from those two also-rans, we move to the Number Two Seeds!"

"HEY! WHERE'S MY VIDEO!" Onoki shouted, somewhat irritated that nobody there had gotten a flash of his brilliance.

"Sorry, Ki erased it! Anyway, moving on to the Number Two seeds, we have a brother pair coming from Kumo! MAY I INTRODUCE BEE, THE RAPPING GENIUS AND HIS BROTHER, A, THE YONDAIME RAIKAGE, ALSO KNOWN AS THE LIGHTNINNNNNNNNNNNNNG BLITZ! BOTH WITH OUTSTANDING ATTACK, AN OVERWHELMING DEFENSE, AND BLAZING SPEED, THEY ARE TRULY AMONG THE ELITE!"

Loud rap music swarmed from the speakers that dotted the stadium, confusing many of the spectators, as well as enraging many of the competitors. "HEY!" Kiba shouted, as the brothers executed a Double Lariat, decapitating a dummy. "HOW COME THEY GET MUSIC!"

Josh clicked on his external speakers and blasted right back him, almost knocking him off his feet with their intensity. "BECAUSE THEY ASKED AND PAID EXTRA! YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE IN THIS AT ALL! NOW SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!"

The video continued, the screen splitting into two segments, showing A with his Raiton no Yoroi active, taking down dummies with ease, and Bee with his Bijuu Cloak, firing off a rapid-fire series of Menacing balls, obliterating the target and leaving a huge smoking crater in its wake.

Everyone gaped silently. The contestants so far were all beyond amazing, and they weren't even to the top seeds yet. Murmurs ran through the crowd as Bill cleared his throat and gestured to the screens, which faded to black and began playing ominous-sounding music.

"And now, the time you've all been waiting for… OUR NUMBER ONE SEEDS! GIVE IT UP FOR NARUTO UZUMAKI, YOUR HOST, AND JOSH… err, should I use your last name?"

Faster then anyone could see, the swordsman warped down and grabbed the man by the scruff of his neck. "If you tell ANYONE what that is, I will PERSONALLY gut and neuter you with my rusty spork."

"Y-You've still got that thing?" Bill said fearfully, turning blue with fright.

"Yes." Josh growled, reaching for something in his pouch. "I keep it nice and rusted. Would you like to see? 'Course, it'll cost you one of your eyes…"

Bill shook his head and whispered something to the guardian, who shrugged and dropped him again. "As long as you don't say it aloud. I didn't really care for you reading my file, and if you start spouting shit, me and my spork are waiting. Just use the usual."

The darker man straightened his shirt as Josh phased back to the competitors box, muttering about overpowered baboons until the said baboon put a bullet right between his legs, almost taking a piece of the man's crotch with it.

"All right, all right. EVERYONE, THIS IS JOSH BADASS!"

Two sets of fluctuating stats popped up, this time using a strange language that none of them could quite understand, but wasn't exactly unfamiliar to them either. Bill, trying to be helpful, scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "Ah… Sorry about that, folks. Turns out there is no direct translation into your language, so I'll be reading it out. Umm… Well… eh… Naruto… these stats are twelve hundred years old. You sure they're still reliable?"

Josh snorted. "They're about as reliable as a president's words. No, I've got his latest stats… Let me just push the update…"

Almost immediately, all of the bars started falling dramatically, causing Bill to sweatdrop. "You know, Josh. Maybe this was overkill."

The swordsman snorted again. "Overkill is underrated. That's why we need more of it. Show his glory day videos. Pretty sure he doesn't remember those yet."

At once, the rotating pictures and the stats disappeared, replaced by a shaky angle of Naruto charging up some technique. Then it hit some of the crowd, as well as the competitors. Josh wasn't shaking. The ground he was standing on was shaking. And there was no way this could be an earthquake.

Naruto, who had just finished twisting, shouted hoarsely for Josh, who responded by tossing a kunai at the target and one in the complete opposite direction. As if by magic, the blond took off for the first kunai, his body streamlining.

There was another click, and the crowd was deafened by a huge crack that rang through the stadium. That image and sound faded from the screens as another one came up, this time showing Naruto with a double fistful of raging flames.

"Remind me why I'm doing this again!"

"Cuz you need to get it to gramps to see what you're doing wrong! It's just a Double Firestorm! Don't lose control and destroy everything again!" Josh shouted back, his voice oddly quiet for someone who was shouting.

"Yeah… WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT! SACRED GUARDIAN ART: KATON: DUAL PHONENIX FIRESTORM!"

The blond managed to get the first shot- his left hand, away without too much trouble, but the second one destabilized and covered the screaming blond, who was now trying to desperately seal for some water, only to have his fingers come off in the intense heat.

"THAT WAS NARUTO UZUMAKI! SACRED GUARDIAN! CLASS: S1! AND NOW, FOR OUR OVERALL NUMBER ONE SEED!"

The lights dimmed and a whirring noise filled the stadium as four sets of rollers pulled back a huge tarp, covering the stadium and plunging it into near darkness, the only illumination coming from the concession stand, the odd cigarette, and Josh's armor, which had just exploded in a huge wave of light and color.

He descended slowly, walking in midair as if on invisible stairs, while his doppelganger on the screens did the same, albeit flashing frightening images around them. Wait. That was the same person. Those images really were appearing. They really were in midair.

Josh grinned inside his helmet and drew his sword, silently incanting for a low-level technique. After tracing two fingers along the blade to charge it, he traced out two outlines in midair, giving them a flick, causing them to solidify and take form. Two flame golems. Low level, yes. But nobody else knew that.

"OUR NUMBER ONE SEED! JOSH BADASS! SACRED GUARDIAN! CLASS: PBS2!"

Naruto nearly dropped his bowl in shock, choking on a mouthful of ramen as Josh faded back into the competitors' box, grinning smugly.

"I take it you're surprised?"

Naruto spat a noodle into the garbage, still trying to clear out his windpipe. "Surprised? More like shocked in the ass with two tasers! When the hell did this happen?"

Josh snorted and folded his arms. "Just because you've been gone for twelve hundred years doesn't mean that everybody else stood still awaiting your return, Naruto. There's more to existence than you."

"But you hate training!"

"More than paperwork? Nah. I hate desk duty. That's why I came to get you the moment you called." Josh shrugged again. "Training against golems got real boring after a while, I tell you. Everybody else was gone, and assassination without backup is insanity."

The two turned back to Bill, who had just caught his breath. "AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I INTRODUCE THE FIRST MATCH, JOSH VS KANKURO!"

A general murmuring came from the Suna portion of the crowd. Now was a good chance to see if that stranger actually could back up what he claimed to be.

"You know, Josh. I would wish you good luck," Naruto deadpanned, "But I think Kankuro needs it more. Good luck, Kankuro."

"Erm, thanks?" The puppet master said, rather confused as he left the competitor's box, leaving behind a smirking Josh.

"Puppet master? Oh, this should be fun."

"Don't kill him, Josh." Naruto warned. "You deal with the paperwork if you do."

The swordsman waved one hand nonchalantly as he followed the Suna shinobi down the stairs, preferring not to take the flashy way out.

When they were both gone, Gaara and Shikamaru turned to Naruto, who was sighing.

"He's gonna die, isn't he?" Gaara asked in his usual dry tone.

"Yep."

"Anyway he can win?" the Nara asked in a, equally dry tone.

Naruto snorted, and the similarities between the two was suddenly frightening. "Well, if Kankuro can somehow go in and sabatage the energy shield, the air filter, the backup air filter, the reserve oxygen supply, and his ultra-high metabolism, I might put a hundred ryo on him."

"Only a hundred?" Shikamaru deadpanned as well.

The blond scratched his head. "Oh, yeah… he also carries a nice supply of general antivenoms. Make it a dozen. Ah, whatever. A baker's dozen."

* * *

Kankuro had to admit. He was about to shit his pants.

Luckily for him, he wore black.

Josh, on the other hand, had already finished compiling (With Bonnie's help) counterattacks to most of his opponent's attacks.

"All right, I want a nice, clean fight. Especially you, Josh. I don't want to see any feathers involved. Got it?"

The swordsman waved on hand and drew his sidearm. "I won't need to tickle him to death. A nice bullet through the skull should be sufficient."

Kankuro gulped and proceeded to shit his pants.

"Right. FIGHT!"

Bill leapt back, his speed uncharacteristic of his figure. Then again, he was one of Josh's acquaintances, so it was to be expected.

Kankuro immediately went on the offensive, unleashing six puppets and bombarding Josh with a hail of poisoned senbon. If he was to have any chance, it was to stop the guardian from attacking and to slow him down to the point where he could ensnare him in one of the puppets.

Josh, on the other hand, made no effort to dodge. Hell, he didn't even make an effort to move. He just stood there as the needles pinged harmlessly off of his shield.

Upon seeing that the swordsman was taking his storm of poison rather like a sprinkle or two, Kankuro changed tactics, as well as puppets. He retracted four of them, the last two still pouring down a hailstorm, and instead pulled out three bigger ones, this time with kunai and shuriken launchers mounted on the back.

The swordsman looked rather bored as the wave of weapons struck him, again, pinging off of his armor. Hell, the man leaned his head back in a way to indicate that he was yawning!

"Are you done yet? Cuz I think the crowd is getting bored."

"S-Shut up! I'm just getting started."

Josh cocked an eyebrow that nobody else could see. "No, I'd say that you're **finished**_**.**_"

With that, he dropped his energy filter and in rapid succession, shot out each and every single one of the chakra lines that Kankuro was using to hold up his puppets, causing them to sag lifelessly to the ground.

When he tried to reconnect, Josh put a round close enough to his ear to make it ring, and decided against it. "I forfeit!" He called to Bill, who ran to the center of the field, raising Josh's hand.

"WE HAVE OUR VICTOR! MOVING ON TO THE QUATERFINALS, JOSH!"

The swordsman waved modestly at the crowd before going over to Kankuro to shake his hand. "Dude, did you just shit yourself?" he said, wrinkling his nose.

"Y-yeah." Kankuro admitted, turning red.

"Well, go get yourself cleaned up. I'll see you around."

With that, Josh returned to the competitors box, while Kankuro was escorted off the field by a medic to check him over for wounds, as well as a fresh pair of pants.

"All too easy." He said before he plopped down and grabbed a loaf of bread and tore into it.

* * *

Shikamaru grumbled as he walked down the steps next to Onoki, who was still grumbling himself after having his video cut. "You know, Tsuchikage-sama. If you want, you can have this round. I really didn't want to be here in the first place."

Onoki grumbled and unsealed a head, causing the genius to recoil in shock. "I know what you mean, kid. I know what you mean."

* * *

"READY? FIGHT!"

Neither Onoki nor Shikamaru did anything at first; preferring instead to take turns staring at each other, then the crowd, then back at each other. Needless to say, this got very boring very quickly. The crowd would have started to throw crap, but the barrier kept things out as well as in. The first guy found out when he threw a soda can at the barrier, only to have it disintegrate on impact.

"Your move, kid."

"All right… don't say I didn't give you a chance." Shikamaru backed off several steps until he was directly in the shadow of the reopened dome. "Kagemane no Jutsu."

Onoki snorted and jumped back, as well as up. "You'll have to try better than that, boy! I fought against your father in the last war, and he never could get me with that!"

Shikamaru grinned and threw up a fistful of dirt. "Well how about now? Kage Nui no Jutsu!"

Onoki swore as the shadows extended up toward him, free from their ground-bound existence with the new technique. The added dust shadow gave the technique a considerable amount of space to work with, and that wasn't even including the stadium shadow, which, despite the fact that it was working in his favor, still being the morning, was considerable. Couple in the fact that there were patches of dirt here and there, and the kid had a lot of room to work with.

Of course, if he only had those techniques, then that left his body a sitting duck…

And he had a bunch of hot pitchforks ready.

"You asked for it, kid! Jinton: Genkai Hakuri no Jutsu!"

The Nara winced as he pulled back his shadows to form a protective dome around himself, the two jutsu duking it out for supremacy.

However, as both of them fizzled out, Shikamaru was left looking the worse for wear, as he had to use a considerable amount of chakra to repel Onoki's jutsu, while Onoki himself was charging up a second shot.

"This is the end, kid. Might as well forfeit while you still have the chance!"

"I would love to, but then my mother would eat me alive!"

Onoki laughed. "Still scared of your mother! Good! Jinton!: Genkai Hakuri no Jutsu!"

Shikamaru reacted by throwing down two smoke bombs, obscuring everybody's sight of him among those who didn't have a thermal filter.

The Tsuchikage growled as he held the technique in place, waiting for either the smoke to clear or for Shikamaru to rush out. Either way, it was only a matter of time before-

At that moment, a black pineapple-shaped head broke through the smoke, the chunin jacket clearly visible-

And that's when Onoki struck, smashing the cube down on Shikamaru, sending up a huge dust cloud as it broke down into its component dust.

"Well, he's dead. Told him he should have quit-"

"Kagemane no Jutsu!"

"What!"

The shadow shot up and snared the kage before he could react, binding him tightly in place, and with him losing control of the technique, slamming down rather hard on the ground.

"OW MY HIP!"

Shikamaru walked vestless through the now-harmless dust, hands still held in the position in which he made the capture. "Look before you leap, old man. All that dust in the air. Shadows can project onto dust too, you know."

"Damn it…"

Shikamaru sat down and took off his shoe, sliding off the heel to reveal a hidden kunai. Onoki, who was bound, attempted to do the same, but merely got a friction burn on his hand for his trouble.

"Now, we can either do this the easy way, and you walk free, or I can kill a Kage and give Naruto even more reason to bother me."

Onoki thought it over. A way out of a tournament early, yet with honor. Just one more thing to sweeten the pot a bit. "Will you take the head?"

Shikamaru sighed. "Yeah, I'll take the head. Now will you forfeit? I don't want to hold this for too long."

"Right. I SURRENDER!"

The shadow-user relaxed and let go of the technique as Bill ran up and raised his arm. "VICTORY, SHIKAMARU NARA!"

"Help me! My hip!"

Up in the stands, Kurotsuchi shook her head in exasperation. Her grandfather was so silly sometimes…

* * *

Josh shook his head and took another swig of vodka. "That boy is really something. Moving shadows up dust… gotta be careful to have the shield up and not use rockets. Otherwise, this might get nasty."

Naruto glanced over, halfway though a can of beer. "I would be careful if I were you. Shikamaru's no pushover. His UIIQ is over two hundred."

The swordsman was genuinely surprised for once. "UIIQ over two hundred? Well, that explains the dust. Better redouble my guard. Maybe a tranquilizer pistol wouldn't go amiss… Ah! It's Sandman! This should be interesting."

* * *

"AND NOW WE HAVE GAARA, THE GODAIME KAZEKAGE! HE'LL BE GOING UP AGAINST CHOJURO, A MEMBER OF THE SEVEN SWORDSMEN! WILL GAARA LEAVE CHOJURO HIGH AND DRY? OR WILL CHOJURO TURN GAARA INTO A MUD PUDDLE? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT! FIGHT!"

* * *

"Is Bill slipping? I swear, he's got more clichés then a double dose of Disney. It's either that, or his new writer just sucks dick…"

Naruto shrugged and chugged another can of beer, belching and crushing the said empty can. "Just gotta get ready with my fight with dogbreath. Well, if you can count it as a fight."

"I'M RIGHT HERE, DAMNIT!"

"**NOBODY CARES!**"

* * *

Chojuro dodged another burst of sand, striking it with his sword, injecting moisture, only to have it retreat and another blast come right back at him. _He's not a kage for nothing._ The swordsman noted as he launched a jet of water at Gaara, who sidestepped it easily and sent another blast of sand. _I can't get close!_

Gaara gestured, and twin lances of sand blasted toward Chojuro, who countered with timed blasts of water of his own.

However, this time, the sand did not stop. Instead, it continued on and slammed right into the swordsman chest, a series of sickening _cracks_ echoing throughout the stadium.

No replacement, no illusions. Just a bunch of cracked ribs.

"CHOJURO IS UNABLE TO FIGHT! GAARA IS THE WINNER!"

Josh whistled as the swordsman was carted off the field, Gaara having long since reappeared in the room and was now picking his way though a plate of gizzard, pulling out the select pieces.

"Damn, Sandman. Don't give your opponent much of a chance, do you?"

"I do not think that you have a right to talk."

"Touché. Well, this next fight should be fun. Anyone wanna bet on how long it's going to last?"

* * *

Bill sweatdropped as C hid behind the concession stand, waving a napkin as a white flag. "I SURRENDER! WHO THE HELL PAIRED ME UP WITH MY BOSS!"

Josh accepted the thousand ryo bill from Kiba. "Why, thank ye very much."

* * *

Bill facefaulted, only to get back up and raise the Raikage's arm in victory. "WINNER BY FORFEIT, A!"

* * *

Naruto stood up and cracked both of his shoulders. "Well, time for my fight."

Josh sweatdropped. "Try not to lose control, will you? I'd hate to have to interfere."

The blond slapped his fellow guardian on the back, only to recoil as his hand was burned on the energy shield. "Lose control against Kiba? Maybe if he summoned a Shinigami, I might get serious."

The swordsman chucked. "Yeah… like that'll happen." He turned to look at an unnerved Kiba. "Good luck, kid. You'll need it."

* * *

"Kiba. I suggest that you forfeit now."

Bill, who had simply leapt back for Josh's fight, was now hiding out in the bunker, keeping one foot propping the emergency exit open.

"Forfeit! Ha! I'll defeat you and win this entire tournament!"

"As you wish." Naruto sighed and put both hands at his side, his palms glowing lightly as he chanted in the same language that Josh used for his flame golems.

"I won't let you! Gatsuga!"

The blond easily sidestepped and caught both Kiba and Akamaru in both hands, his limbs glowing lightly to counteract the rotating pair, throwing them into barrier, which flashed and dumped the two onto the ground, exhausted.

"Oh, Josh didn't tell you what this barrier was, did you?" Naruto smiled as he drew two kunai. "It's a Class B Guardian Draining Shield. We just call it the Draining Shield. Anything less then it, when it, will have its energy drained." He grinned evilly. "If it has no active energy, then the bonds between the molecules will be drained. You need a Class A or S technique just to get through this puppy."

He twirled the two blades, throwing them and snatching them out of the air, arms crossed laterally. "Which I will gladly demonstrate."

Up in the stands, Josh facepalmed. "Great. _That_ technique. Always gave me hell when he used it en masse."

"Dark Guardian Art…" Naruto whispered, unfolding his arms. "Lightning Blitz."

* * *

Author's Note.

Yo.

It's been a while again.

Sorry about the slow updates. School, money, and next year's college are starting to get at me.

As well as Video Production, Anime/Manga, and reading.

I'll be working slowly, since i'm gonna be moving out of my parent's place this summer, as well as getting somewhat back into gaming.

And as for the quality of my writing...

Sorry guys, i just have my ups and downs. My writing goes with my mood and my current interests in memes, in case you havn't noticed. Straight-up fight scenes are not my forte, as you may have noticed.

If the quality is too low, just give me a heads up, but still. Doing the best i can over here.

As for the next chapter... well, let's just say that the current arc is just a miniature teaser for a major event in Part II, Troublesome.

Due to start next year.

That's right... Timeless is nearing its end.

Hang with me, people!

Or not.

Xingster


	30. Chapter 29

Chapter XXIX: Middlings and Metal.

"Hey, judge! Isn't that cheating? He's using his guardian thingy!"

Bill poked his head back into the stadium, took one look, and shook his head. "No. What he's doing is within the rules. He's just using tanked energy. You can do the same." And with that, he slammed the door shut and continued observing the match from there.

Up in the stands, Gaara turned to Josh. "Tanked energy?" he asked in an undertone.

The swordsman belched and tossed an apple core. "Yep. Tanked energy. Basically, after a guardian powers down, there's a small amount of residual energy left that we can capture and store for future use." He shrugged and popped a can of beer. "It's usually not much, but it'll allow us to use some techniques without powering up. Besides…" He finished said can and crushed it. "Tanked energy is only about a tenth as potent as freshly channeled energy. It just doesn't sit very well. Good way to demonstrate and fight some locals, but useless against other guardians of the same caliber."

"So what you're saying is-" Shikamaru began.

"Right now, most techniques that you might see would be about a tenth of what the actual thing does at normal power. In any case, Lightning Blitz is not an attack on its own. Thus, it doesn't follow that rule to the letter…"

* * *

Down in the stadium, Kiba swore as the kunai in Naruto's hands started disintegrating, the particles grinding themselves down to an ultra-fine level before disappearing from view.

Knowing that he had to move fast, Kiba grabbed two solder pills, popped one, and gave one to Akamaru, who whined at the taste, but crunched it without further complaint. "Gatsuga!"

As the two rapidly closed the distance, the handles of the kunai disappeared, and with it, their wielder as well.

* * *

Lee frowned as he watched the spectacle. "This should not be possible. Naruto-kun is moving at speeds and angles-"

The Guardian chuckled. "Very good, Lee. So you noticed. Yes… normally, moving at those speeds is indeed impossible. You would burn up and die. However, that's where Lightning Blitz comes in."

Josh stood up and strolled over to the railing, glancing over at the stadium. "Lightning Blitz is a really complex technique, so I'll try to explain it in layman's terms. Naruto takes the two kunai and electrically splits them apart at the atomic level. He also generates an electromagnetic field around himself, dispersing the metallic atoms. After coating himself, he channels electricity through his third energy point to keep the stuff stuck to him. His left hand expels more energy to create a pseudo-shield on the metallic surface to keep off the extreme temperatures of moving at those angles, as well as reduce friction to near zero." He sighed and twirled out his knife, twirling it between his fingers nonchalantly. "That leaves his right hand open for attacks. God, when his kage bunshin started using it en masse, it would tear chunks out of my shield."

"… And Naruto explained all of this to you?"

The swordsman snorted. "Hell no. He doesn't even know how it works. He just does it. Had Naruto do it inside a test chamber once to see how it worked is all."

Kakashi poked his head in the door, Sharingan active. "Did I miss something?"

Josh sighed and turned an eye toward the stadium, shrugging again. "Then again, since he's using tanked energy, it's quite a bit slower then usual."

Neji finally spoke up. "What is this technique's top speed, then?"

The swordsman took out his hip flask and took a long draught. "Right now? I'd say that the technique is going at about… thirty percent. Doing some rough math… that's about a quarter of the Hiraishin. Full-speed, if he supercharged it with Sacred Guardian Energy… it would sustain about eighty percent…"

* * *

Kiba felt a drop of sweat roll down his face as the seconds ticked by. His nose told him that Naruto was still nearby, but his eyes simply couldn't keep up.

Akamaru wasn't doing that much better. Occasionally, he could pick up a very brief flash of the blond, but it wasn't enough for him to communicate to his partner or even attack on his own.

Then, faster then he could blink, his legs were swept from underneath him, crashing headfirst into the ground. As he saw Kiba turn to try to help him, a shadow appeared behind his partner. Before he could bark in warning, his master was also on the ground, out cold.

* * *

Bill, who had been watching through the window, rushed onto the field and grabbed Naruto's arm the moment he reappeared. "Winner by knockout, NARUTO UZUMAKI!"

* * *

Josh grinned. "Lightning Blitz in any form is unfair in a one-on-one fight, unless you know how to counter it."

Kakashi swallowed. "Umm, are there any weaknesses?"

The swordsman shrugged as the blond returned and tore into a bowl of ramen, ignoring everyone else in the room. "'Course. The whole thing is one giant weakness if you look at it the right way. If you're fast enough, disrupting the field is child's play. There's also the fact that it's quite draining, despite its low ranking, and that you don't disappear from this dimension. If you've got a big and strong enough Area of Effect attack, you should be able to catch him in it."

"Would Neji Hyuga and Kakashi Hatake please report to the field? It is time for your match!"

The swordsman shooed the two out of the door. "Go on. I'll give the winner some tips to counter Lightning Blitz."

* * *

"Kakashi-senpai… something doesn't feel right about this tournament."

The scarecrow eye-smiled. "Naruto's involved. Ever since he came back, things have been rather crazy. Just go along with it. I'm sure whatever is coming, he'll take care of things."

"Hai, Kakashi-senpai."

Neji and Kakashi stared each other down. Well, ok. To be fair, Neji stared Kakashi down. Kakashi just stared at his Icha Icha.

* * *

"Erm, aren't you going to fight me?"

"NEJI! SHOW HIM WHAT THE FLAMES OF YOUTH ARE ALL ABOUT!"

* * *

Naruto facepalmed. "Great. Two stoic guys. This isn't going anywhere fast. Who paired this one up?"

"No idea. Beer?"

The blond grumbled. "I'm paying for all of this, you know… I don't need YOU to offer me my own beer."

"Whatever. I've got whiskey too."

"… Give me a bottle."

"I wasn't offering it to you, Uzu."

* * *

Kakashi leaned back from another Jyuken strike. Neji had taken the offensive after he had giggled at a scene. It's not that the young jonin wasn't skilled, it was just that Jyuken, once you had fought against it enough times, became rather predictable. As long as you remained outside the range of their most dangerous attacks, avoiding it became rather like clockwork. Tedious, but always the same.

"Hakke Rokujuyon Sho!"

The scarecrow blinked and shunshined back, finally putting his book away. "Neji-san, if you insist…"

* * *

Josh cocked an eyebrow. "So this is what Raikiri looks like in person…"

"You've seen me use it… _how_ many times now?"

"It's not the same. The creator of the technique just looks more natural with it. When I use Lightning Blitz, it just doesn't feel the same…"

The blond snorted. "That's because you can't use chakra. You little EE thing doesn't do it justice…"

The swordsman cocked an eyebrow. "Bakudo no Kyu. Geki."

Naruto was immediately surrounded in a red outline, completely unable to move. "Still think E Squared is a joke?"

Naruto rolled his eyes and broke free of the restraint. "Not as bad the time as when Momo put me in that one bakudo. Couldn't move unless I powered up."

"You _do_ realize that I can do Bankin now, right?"

"You _do_ realize that I can use Bullet Rasenshuriken now, right?"

"You _do_ realize that my armor has a bullshit sensor, right?"

"You _do_ realize that I _am _a bullshit sensor, right?"

"You _do_ realize that my bullshit sensor just went off, right?"

* * *

Meanwhile, away from all of the bullshit.

Neji swore as he pulled himself out of the ground. Fighting kage bunshin were bad enough, but when they were used by one as deceptive as Kakashi, they were just outright trouble.

"Very good Kakashi-senpai. However, after fighting Naruto and his hordes of kage bunshin, I am more than well-adjusted to fighting large numbers of people."

Kakashi just shrugged. "You may have experienced fighting kage bunshin, but only in a large crowd. Once you take into account just how lethal they can be in small, focused groups." He eye-smiled. "You'll know just how dangerous they really are."

* * *

Naruto blinked and closed one eye. "Huh. EKB."

Josh belched, reaching for a ham. "Enhanced Kage Bunshin? I thought that was one of your specials…"

The blond shook his head, reopening his eye. "That Sharingan of his copies a lot of things. I might have used it by accident once."

"That doesn't explain-"

"It does. Anyway, looks like Kakashi-sensei's cleaning this one up. Who's next again?"

Ao blanched as Mei turned to look at him. "Erm… would it be too much to ask to forfeit? I don't want to fight my boss…"

Naruto shook his head. "The crowd paid for tickets to a fight. Not much of a fight if half of our competitors forfeit before they even step in the ring. Sorry, man. Try your best."

Josh chuckled. "Think of it like this. Worst she can do is to give you the kiss of death…"

The ex-anbu gulped. "That's what I'm afraid of…"

* * *

Neji struggled, but to no avail. Without the freedom to move his limbs, Kaiten was out of the question, and with his hands still buried, there was no way to strike at Kakashi, even if he knew which one was the real one. "I… surrender."

Kakashi smiled and the bunshin poofed, revealing the real one, which popped out of the ground. "I told you not to force me to fight with my kage bunshin. Oh, well. Nice try."

When one Kage Bunshin had come at Neji with a Raikiri in hand, the Hyuga started using Kaiten. However, rotating rapidly on a single point tended to weaken the ground, and along with all the chakra and spinning, his Byakugan had limited visibility. It had been child's play for Kakashi to come up and pull him under the ground.

* * *

"Hmm… Interesting. Looks like someone's got better mastery of Enhanced Kage Bunshin than you do…"

Naruto grumbled. "Just because _they_ keep on possessing them doesn't make my skill bad or anything…"

* * *

Neji was dug out of the ground and helped to the medics. Bee was spitting rhymes into his notebook in a literal fashion, using fine-tuned jets of ink to inscribe the notes. Mei was still shooting Naruto looks that he was ignoring, staring instead toward the upper balconies of the stadium, as if lost in thought. Shikamaru was busy thinking in his modified lotus position, Gaara was pondering a choice of fruit, Josh still polishing his sword (His blade, you pervs), and Kakashi reading his Icha Icha.

Ao whimpered as Mei glared over, daring him to fight back.

* * *

"Are you sure this is wise, Nagato?"

"Wise or not, he is growing more powerful. After he exhausts himself, it will be the time to strike. Until then, we shall bide our time."

* * *

Ao screamed and ran away as the mist approached, throwing random jutsu behind him in a vain attempt to delay the inevitable.

Needless to say, it didn't work so well.

Five minutes later, he was on the ground, twitching weakly as the acid ate away at his flesh. Bill finally took pity on him and called the round in Mei's favor.

* * *

Josh chuckled and Naruto winced as Ao was carted off the field and to the medics, who were tutting and prepping a bag of saline and artificial skin, the latter of which was provided by the swordsman for cases just like this.

"When I said the kiss of death, I didn't have this in mind."

Naruto winced into his beer. "Why me?"

Josh patted him on the back, causing the blond to cough up a mouthful of alcohol. "It's always the crazy ones that are after you. I kinda feel sorry for you, buddy."

The said blond wiped his face with his sleeve. "Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Nope."

* * *

Shino stood and stared impassively as Bee spun onto the field, spitting a combination of ink and poorly written rhymes.

"Umm… sir? We have contracts for our music."

"Bitch please! My rhymes are so fresh everyone will take heed!"

It was only years of being on the same team as Kiba that prevented Shino from facefaulting on the spot.

* * *

After Bill convinced the man not to continue rapping, the match began.

Shino, knowing that he had to move fast, sent three-quarters of his hive in a pincer movement, the remainder going straight down the middle. He had no idea how much chakra this guy had, but he wasn't going to take any chances.

Bee simply lit himself up like an Electric Bug Zapper, taking out huge swathes of Shino's hives when they came into contact with his skin.

Shino himself earned an Electric Taser Punch to the face when he attempted to engage Bee in a taijutsu battle. Nothing fatal, but it would keep him down for an hour or two.

* * *

"Well, looks like I'm up."

"Try not to kill him, will you? I have no intention of being repeatedly beat over the head with a gigantic steel fan."

"Well, if it's a _fangirl_…"

"That… was a terrible pun."

"Yeah…" Josh sighed as he lazily spun his pistol on his index finger. "That was."

* * *

Outside, on the village walls, several dozen kage bunshin patrolled the walls, occasionally dispelling to give updates. Everything was quiet. Too quiet.

Something was up, but Naruto just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

* * *

Shikamaru sighed and sat up from his position. "Is it time already…?"

"Yep. Comon. Try not to shit your pants like your future in-law did."

"But he's not-"

"Right. And the sky is green."

"Fifth Fight, Major Badass and Shikamaru Nara. Fight!"

Shikamaru immediately sent his shadows out on a capture vector, not wasting any time. If it was one thing that he had learned while watching the two guardians fight, it was that once they got the upper hand, they tended to hang onto it fairly well.

Smirking, Josh tossed two flashbangs, easily blotting out the shadows. "Your dad tried that on me as well. Good in theory, but you have to be fast enough not to get blasted by a disruption technique."

In a very Un-Shikamaruesque move, he charged in head-on, raising a pair of trench knives, as if to challenge the Guardian up close and personal.

* * *

Naruto winced. "Oooh… not smart. What the hell are you thinking, Shikamaru?"

Kakashi, who was watching with a well-practiced Sharingan Eye, asked, "What's wrong? All he's been using so far are those weird weapons of his."

The blond laughed hollowly and stood up, swirling a can of half-drunk beer in the process. "Josh is a master of the blade. Not just his sword, any and all swords. He could take Samehada and use it without skipping a beat." He took a swig before continuing. "I don't quite remember all of his techniques, but I'll tell you this." Naruto tossed the can back before throwing it in the trash. "In Close-Quarters Combat, unless I got serious or powered up severely, I've never even come close to beating him."

He belched, reaching for another can. "And it's not for a lack of trying."

"So, uhh, Lightning Blitz?"

Naruto smiled. "Ten thousand kage bunshin, all using it at once, I got in… maybe… two dozen hits?"

* * *

Josh grinned and ducked under the blow, leaving two small cuts on Shikamaru's back. "Not the best idea, getting close."

The genius grunted. "Still got you."

The swordsman glanced down. "Indeed, you got me. However, can you hold me?"

Shikamaru braced and threw a double handful of kunai as Josh flared his shields, trying to break the shadows, and in turn, break the jutsu.

As everyone rubbed the spots from their eyes, they saw that Shikamaru still had the guardian tied down with his shadow, thanks to the line of kunai which had provided the darkness needed. "I thought you might try that again, so-"

Mid-speech, his own arm came up and hit himself in the face.

"What?" Josh shrugged, his action mirrored by Shikamaru. "You think I wouldn't figure it out after being hit a couple of times? The control works both ways, you know."

* * *

Naruto grunted. "Fight's over."

* * *

Shikamaru grunted as his back impacted into the side of the stadium. Josh hadn't done any serious damage as of yet, but after he had refused to give in, the guardian, who had reversed the bond, had taken to slamming him repeatedly into the stadium wall.

He also couldn't break the bond.

When Josh had turned the bond against him, he had found that breaking the said bond was impossible. It was as if another user had put it on him and had him bound down.

"Give up yet? I really don't want to kill you, but I will if I have to."

Shikamaru focused what little focus he had left. If he wanted to win this fight, he had to turn the tables. Now.

Focusing as if to break a genjutsu, he briefly cut his flow of chakra during an even briefer reprieve between slammings. Of course, the forces of being dropped unexpectedly fifteen feet was still pretty nasty.

"Nice move. Too bad it wasn't enough."

Shikamaru smirked. "Who said I was done?"

He folded his hands into a strange seal. "I knew that if I had to defeat you, I had to put together something that could stop even a bijuu, for a while, at any rate. That's why I've come up with… Kage no Hakai."

As one, every single shadow in the stadium assaulted Josh as one, wrapping his body in a cocoon of shadows. With a single motion, Shikamaru clenched his fist, compressing all of the shadows into a roughly man-like shape, squeezing down on the Guardian-

_Boom_.

With a single sweeping motion, Josh's arm broke through the cocoon. The rest of his limbs soon followed, each tearing a hole in the shadows, quickly rendering the technique harmless. He stepped down onto the ground, brushing some residual shadows off of his shoulder. "Very good, Deer-man. Very good indeed. However, you forgot to take two things into account. One, Bijuu don't have fleet-quality energy shields."

He drew his combat knife. "And two… Bijuu don't have energy-hardened combat knives."

Shikamaru smirked right back at him. "Checkmate."

He forced his hand into one last seal, causing the floor at Josh's feet to light up in a seal formation. "I thought that you might be able to get out, so I prepared that in advance."

"How the hell did you get the time-"

"Shadows make great cover, don't they?"

"No, I mean how the hell did you- NARUTO! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

* * *

The said blond chuckled. "Enjoy the Boommaster."

* * *

With one last flick of the wrist, Shikamaru detonated the volatile formation, smothering the entire field in a dense cloud of smoke.

"_Interesting… Naruto gave you a Guardian Seal Formation, did he? Well, under the terms of this tournament, allow me to return the favor!_"

* * *

"I thought for sure that would be enough to knock him out… Sorry Shika. Your ass is grass."

"What do you mean?" Kakashi asked, Sharingan still on the field. "Shikamaru seems to have the upper hand."

Naruto shot his former sensei a cocky grin. "Never assume that you have the upper hand against a guardian. You won't ever have it."

* * *

"_Sacred Guardian Art: Seal of the Ninth Ring._"

With that, Josh punched the ground, sending out a rippling shockwave that enveloped the entire field. "_Naruto never did tell you, did he? He used to be a Class S1 Guardian, which means that he had one skill in the Top Ten of all guardians in that skill level. I was also a Class S1 back then. But I'll let you in on a little secret._"

Shikamaru struggled, but he couldn't move so much as an eyelid, or really even his eyes. "What?"

Josh undid the strap from his combat knife, opting not to rip it out like he usually did. "_If it weren't for my abysmal energy levels, I would have been a Class S4 Guardian at the same time._" He held the knife at Shikamaru's throat. "_Yield_?"

The genius tried to struggle. He really did. But even breathing and talking were extremely straining. "I… Yield…"

* * *

Josh didn't even bother taking his helmet off before snatching up a bottle of vodka and pouring it into a vent in the top of his helmet. "Why did you give him a Guardian Seal? You know that I would have responded in kind."

"Just wanted to see how far you've come. Ninth Ring of Hell, huh? So you can punch that now?"

He finally took off his helmet, grabbing a turkey leg. "That, and a shitload more. Like I said before, I've been busy. Even with my… disability, I've still become a PBS2 Guardian. I just have to push the paperwork through to become an S2 Guardian."

"Should I even bother asking…"

"AE8. But who's counting?"

* * *

Gaara stood impassively on the field. Directly across from him, A stretched out his muscles as he prepared to fight.

"Now, you two. Remember, try not to kill your opponent. Josh and Naruto both hate paperwork."

"RAIKAGE-SAMA! BAD NEWS!"

"WHAT? COME! BEE! LET US RIDE BACK TO KUMO! AWAY!"

With that, the brother pair charged out of the stadium, along with the entire Kumo Entourage.

Gaara sweatdropped and facefaulted, along with the entire crowd.

* * *

"Well... that was rather anticlimactic."

* * *

Author's Note

And... CUT!

Once again, i apologize for the EXTREMELY LONG time (6 months was it?) between postings.

What with the end of high school, AP Tests, my EMT Training, and College Work, as well as getting a new machine and getting back into the swing of gaming...

Yeah, it's been an interesting couple of months.

But with my Tuesdays and Thursdays now almost completely free, i should be able to write faster.

Oh, and throw in some (alot) of writer's block... yeah...

Well, that's all for now.

The next chapter has already been titled, and all i have left to do is finish writing it.

Chapter XXX: Hardcore.

Yeah, i know.

Until next time (Hopefully not another six months)

Lightning Ink.

P.S. Like the new penname?


	31. Chapter 30

Chapter XXX: HardCore

Naruto stood back up, stretching. "Looks like I'm up again. See you down on the field, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi shot a nervous glance at Josh, who had finally slowed his eating pace. "You said that you would give advice on how to beat Lightning Blitz."

"Oh yeah... I did, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did."

"Well..." Josh started. "The easiest way to defeat Lightning Blitz is just to counter his speed, but that's out of the question for any of you... An Area of Effect attack would work just fine... _if_ you had one that could hurt him... I suppose the only option left would be to attack his right leg."

"Right leg?"

"Yeah. He always trails with the right leg. Hit that, and you can disrupt the field. Might want to use something nonconductive, though. Getting shocked by that is just downright nasty."

* * *

Kakashi raised his hitai-ate, exposing his lone sharingan. "Naruto, this won't be like the bell test."

"You're right, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto smiled. "The Time Constrictor Seal has had time to do its work. My power is rapidly fading."

He drew his sword, blade gleaming. "However... I've still got power to burn, so let's get it on!"

"FIGHT! RUN AWAY!"

Bill leapt backwards as the two charged at each other, kunai meeting sword. "Oh... so you keep your kunai hardened?"

"Innuendo already, Naruto?" Kakashi deadpanned.

"It's never too early for innuendo, Sensei."

"Touché."

* * *

Josh sighed and put down the half-eaten ham. "All's going well right now. Looks like those two memory injections put off the seal for a while longer."

"Ano..."

Josh sighed and took a swig from a whiskey bottle. "Girl, I should just paint a bulls-eye on your forehead. How many times have I told you how many times not to sneak up on me like that? One of these days, when I'm really on edge or paranoid, you're going to find your brains blown all over some tree."

Hinata winced at the image. Somehow, she knew that the man would stay true to his word. "Ano, could I stay here? My father is giving me..."

The guardian burped and gestured for her to take a seat. "Sure." He shrugged again and took another swig of alcohol. "I've run into my fair share of angry fathers in my day. Believe me. Bell's dad was _not_ pleased when she got kidnapped under our watch."

* * *

Naruto dove under his sensei's slash, retaliating with a handful of shuriken, which caused the Kage Bunshin to implode. "Come on, sensei. Quit hiding."

Three more Kakashis slashed at Naruto, who in turn exploded. "The same could be said of you, Naruto." He said with an eye-smile.

Two Rasengan caused the trio to pop, revealing another Naruto. "Come at me, sensei!"

Sixteen bunshin popped up at the same time as Naruto converting the Rasengans to Suiton Rasengans and hitting the ground, liquefying it. "Well, the real one is in there somewhere. Anything under the ground would have been pulverized. Here we go."

Two bunshin were taken out when Naruto began hurling shuriken at near-supersonic velocities, not having enough room to dodge. Six others were blasted from existence with a sweep of his sword, sending a shockwave at the clones.

"Katon…"

Everyone winced and took cover, with the exception of Josh, who continued to stare on, drinking steadily.

"Phoenix Fire!"

The spiraling defensive vortex, in the confined space of the arena and floor shield, turned into a veritable hurricane of flames, covering the breadth and width of the floor, wiping out most of the bunshin, leaving just two figures.

"No more hiding, sensei."

Kakashi swore and charged up his Raikiri.

* * *

Josh leaned back, closing one eye. "Game. Set. Match."

* * *

Raikiri met Raikiri. Two figures in an outstretched position collided, scattering the flames briefly enough for everyone to see the two, both charging up another shot, another Raikiri for the silver-haired ninja, some sort of blob in Naruto's left hand.

"Huh… never seen that before."

"W-what do you mean?" Hinata said, shielding one eye. "You don't know-"

"I don't know _everything_." The guardian said dismissively. "As much as I hate to say it. If I knew everything, I could figure out where my dad was, or how to repel a large group of fangirls without three times the collateral damage. He's been gone for quite a few years, and things change over time. That looks like a modified Trident Net, but I can't say for sure. For all I know, it could be a new Rasengan Variant. God knows he's got enough of those."

"How many?"

"How many what?"

Garra stared at the vortex as the two techniques collided. "How many Rasengans does he have?"

Josh looked thoughtful, then shrugged. "Psh… if you really want me to count… Oi! Bon-bon! What's the last catalogued number on Rasengan Variants?"

"_Do you want related families and incomplete variants included_?"

"Add the first, drop the second."

"_Pulling data._"

A split-second later, a series of graphs, charts, and pictures shot up, spiraling around everyone. It took three deft gestures for Josh to put away most of the data, leaving up a list and a shifting picture of a Rasengan as it shifted from type to type. "Let's see here… Pulling in the series of discontinued and unusables… somewhere over sixteen thousand. On average, well over one a month. He always finds another way to shut down fangirls, which they overcome…"

* * *

Kakashi's eye widened as the blob met his Raikiri, neutralizing it as well as enveloping his arm. It didn't stop there, pushing upwards, taking his torso and soon, his entire body, immobilizing him.

* * *

"Sensei, in future, don't challenge me to a beam clash. I _will_ win."

* * *

Josh chuckled and ate a bunch of grapes. "Unless I cheat. Good fight."

* * *

Naruto phased his way back to the competitor's box and sat down, sighing and rubbing one shoulder.

Josh noticed this and pointed with his chin. "Looks like the Scarecrow got you."

The blond rotated the joint once more before slouching and reaching for a bottle of sake. "Raikiri Beam Clashes are nasty. When the points of two knives meet, they're not going to break. They're gonna slip and slice into your hand."

"How badly did he get you?"

"Just a nick. Smoothed out the force to my arm to prevent him from breaking skin."

"Hmm… well, time for me to fight Sandman. Good luck with the hag."

Josh laughed as his chair melted, reappearing in the stadium and gave her a jaunty wave. "Nice try! I've been dodging those for years! You'll have to be a lot faster than that!"

Gaara didn't say anything, just floating out of the window on his sand. To be honest, what was there to say? Josh had just taunted a kage, gotten away scott free, and taunted her again.

* * *

"Is it time yet?"

"No. Get everyone ready, though. It draws near."

* * *

Josh stretched and drew his combat knife. "Hey, Sandman."

Garra nodded back.

"Ready for a fight?"

Gaara shook his head.

Josh grinned slowly, dropping his visor. "Smart man."

* * *

Naruto sighed and leaned back. Uzu had disappeared off somewhere, Ki was off doing his thing, and he was tired. More so then he should have been. The Seal of Unholy Draining was really taking it toll. "Come on… I just need a little longer…"

"Ano… Naruto-kun?"

"Hai?" He said tiredly, not looking and accidentally spilling some sake.

"I'm back!"

The blond paused, eyes opening in terror. "Oh, fuck me sideways-"

Hinata gave the blond a sultry sway of her hips before jumping up and straddling him. "Aww, aren't you happy to see me?"

"OF COURSE NOT! NOW-GET-OFF-OF-ME!"

Struggling mightily, since 'Hinata' had disabled both of his arms the moment she jumped on, he finally managed to throw her off, flare his energy to reopen the points, and drew a double handful of kunai. "How the hell did you-"

"Broke the seal."

"What!"

"Josh put a seal on me. Was supposed to keep me away. Didn't last."

Naruto slowly put away some of the kunai, keeping a fair number drawn. "So how did you break free?"

'Hinata tossed her head back, laughing gently. "He left one of the symbols in the anchor partially incomplete. It only took me three days to peel away the rest of it."

The blond blinked. Josh's mind sealing work was airtight. Not only could most non-guardians not even detect that they were there, but even most guardians weren't under the realization that they were under one if he put one up. And she tore hers up in three days?

"That's not possible." He said, shaking his head and drawing his sword. "Mind Seals are based off of talent alone. Josh's work is up there with some of the best Class S Guardians. There's no way you could have thrown yours off."

She tried replying, but a roar from the stadium interrupted them. "And what a hit! Garra has just taken the upper hand in this fight!"

* * *

Josh grunted and rose to his feet. Without using any of his powers and only melee combat, he was at a disadvantage to Garra's sand, which he made a shitton more of by breaking up the floor. It couldn't hurt him through his shield, of course, but he couldn't get within range without using high explosives, which he really didn't want to do.

"Fuck this. I don't have all day."

Throwing his knife at the incoming barrage of sand, he spun out his rifle with one hand, his pistol with the other. "RIGHT BACK ATCHYA!"

He opened fire, high explosive rounds beating back the sand. Little by little, he regained ground, and even his knife. "NOT SO BIG MAN NOW, HUH SANDMAN!"

Slotting his pistol, Josh flicked open two things. One was the grenade launcher, which he immediately shot at the wall, thinning it even more.

The other was a bayonet. Twenty-four inches of guardian-hardened steel. He hadn't really had a reason to use it- too soft against guardian shields, not enough range and mobility, and the fact that his gun couldn't fire safely with it extended.

However, against a wall of sand, the extra reach was perfect, along with the fact that the thing could eject and become a projectile itself. _In other words_, he thought, _An anti-sandman weapon_.

"BOOM MOTHERFUCKA!"

* * *

For the rest of the crowd, who really couldn't see much besides the piles of swirling sand, the fight was as good as over. Those who had been present at the Chunnin Exams seven years ago knew what Gaara's sand could do to a person.

That was, until half of the stadium floor exploded, sending sand _through_ the barrier and into people's faces.

When most of the dust settled, what most people saw was Josh pinning down Gaara with a knife at his throat. "Yield?"

* * *

But before we move on with the tournament, shall we flash back to the fight?

Yes, we will.

* * *

It wasn't exactly fair, but when he had lunged forward with the bayonet, he had also activated his armor's ability enhancers. Not technically cheating. But not really fair either.

The armor's enhancers doubled his speed and reaction time, which allowed him to pull out a can of C-12 and throw it ahead of the bayonet. The moment the two intersected, he also fired off an ill-advised round, causing the detonation of the equivalent of half a ton of TNT.

He didn't have time to shape it, but the force of the explosion and its accompanying shockwave was enough to scatter most of the sand. Keyword there is most.

Gaara's ultimate defense was still active. Considering that it actively protected him and had a higher energy concentration, it wasn't surprising. Water could cause the sand to become sluggish, but summoning that would take time, and the sand wasn't going to stay scattered forever. Time for a little more direct action.

Raising the remains of his ruined rifle, he shoved three grenades inside the launcher, rigged the bayonet to eject, and detonated the bunch.

At first, to the naked eye, nothing really happened. But Josh's eye was far from naked, and he wasn't going to take anything at first. He pulled his arm back and then jabbed four fingers to where the bayonet had entered, figuring that it was the thinnest portion of the wall, clawed his hand, and pulled back.

Thanks to his superhuman power, speed, as well as the shield hardening into sandstone to repel the explosion of the three grenades, Gaara's Ultimate Defense crumbled like chalk. Piece by piece, Josh tore chunks out of the barrier until he had made a hole big enough for him to get through.

As soon as that happened, Josh launched himself at the Kazekage, tacking him and knocking him _through_ the back of his own shield.

Gaara wasn't the fastest kage around. He really didn't need to be. With the entire desert as his weapon, as well as having a neigh-on impenetrable shield, he really had no reason for physical speed. However, that also meant that he had very little physical counterattack when his physical self was assaulted.

* * *

And thus, we arrive at the present.

"I said, do you yield?"

Gaara shook his head.

The guardian sighed and delivered a punch to his head. "You must have been daydreaming. Do you yield, or am I going to have to knock you the fuck out?"

Before the former jinchuriki could say anything, Josh delivered an uppercut to his jaw, knocking him ten feet into the air and most definitely out.

"And… match."

* * *

The medics had carted Gaara away, with Josh being declared the winner.

"WE HAVE OUR FIRST FINALIST!"

Josh just shook his head and returned to the competitors box as they struggled with the stadium floor. He hadn't taken into account the fact that the stadium itself might be used as a weapon. Well, alright. By Naruto, who had more tricks up his sleeves then sleeve, but not by Sandman.

* * *

"Ahh… nothing like a nice cold beer after a fight in the desert."

"… Dude. You're in the middle of a forest."

Josh waved him off. "Details, details…"

* * *

Naruto was really sweating now. There were a couple of reasons for this. One, he was facing the Mizukage, who seemed hell-bent on making him her husband. Two, the dread of having to fight Josh in the next round if he won was finally sinking in. And three, because the damn bitch wouldn't stop spitting out steam! Acidic steam at that!

He couldn't close in, otherwise she would spit lava and try to glomp him. He couldn't stay far away either, or the steam would eat at him. Not exactly stuck between a hammer and an anvil, but probably the next worst thing.

"Futon-"

* * *

Josh grunted, cracking open a keg of wine. Taking a small sample, he narrowed his eyes and threw the barrel out. "Bleah. Something got into that. Tastes like antifreeze."

"Ano… aren't you worried?"

The guardian popped a bottle of bourbon, promptly dumping half of it into his mouth. "Worried?" He cast a critical eye over the battle, shrugged, and returned to the alcohol. "Nah. The idiot's sealed and weak, but that's something that he should be able to take care of. All he has to do is clear the steam and lob in a couple of bombs. Obsidian is sharp, but its compressive strength is pathetic. Granite has a bad habit of being too coarse, which is easy for elemental attacks to chip apart."

Josh took a couple of puffs on a cigar that nobody had seen him pull out. "So in short, no, I'm not too worried."

* * *

"Raiton: Raikiri!"

Before the blond could land a hit, the last of the wind that he had managed to put out had faded, allowing for the corrosive mist to come surging back into the void. Not exactly something that he wanted to charge head-first into. Sure, he would come out serviceable, but with Josh waiting on the other end, not something he wanted to go into.

_Wait a second… what if I…_

"Kage bunshin no Jutsu!"

Three clone appeared, each ready for orders. "Spin up a couple of Rasenshuriken! Fire on my command!"

* * *

Josh leaned back in his chair, lighting his cigar. "He's got it. Point, set, match."

* * *

Naruto's Kage Bunshin released the Rasenshuriken, one at a time. From his scattered memories, which at this point were more wholesome than not, ripple firing the aforementioned Rasenshuriken caused dramatically increased the time in which the mist could be deflected. Also, by setting them not to detonate on impact, but rather to bounce and hover, they acted like fans to disperse the corrosive mist.

"Ha! Raiton: Raikiri!"

Naruto shoved his fist into the hole from which the steam had been coming from. He wasn't too concerned, as the lightning currently surrounding his fist would protect him for a few seconds, long enough to do the damage needed.

There was just one problem...

The moment his hand pieced what he thought was the Mizukage's left breast, the blond briefly felt something crack before the entire floor of the stadium started breaking apart, revealing a huge lava pit beneath.

"The hell did this lava pit come from?"

* * *

Up in the box, Josh did a spittake on the inside of his visor. Of all the tactics that he had expected the hag to try, hollowing out the floor underneath the stadium wasn't that high on the list. After all, he had partially supervised its creation, and knew what was in the foundation. He shook his head, having a vague idea of what had happened.

The floor had already been weakened by Garra's stunt with the sand. By spitting lava, it was easy enough to soften the rebar in the floor. After that, it was a simple matter for her to use her corrosive breath to hollow out a small magma chamber. Guardians were made of tough stuff, but even they didn't go traipsing into an active volcano if they could help it. Well, unless they had a extreme fire affinity and needed a makeshift weapon. Or they were trying to summon a lava golem, which wasn't recommended for many reasons, not the least of which was that it tended to set the controller's pants on fire.

"Well, she's proven to be quite resourceful. Naruto? Let's see if that crazy streak still runs in ya..."

Kakashi shook his head, his voice dry. "He's going to try something crazy, isn't he?"

"Yep." Josh sighed. "That's how he does things..."

* * *

Naruto yelped as his pants caught fire for what seemed like the umpteenth time in living memory, or rather, the chunks that he had. _Probably because it had caught fire so many times_. He mused to himself before shaking himself back to the present.

He couldn't use water, seeing as how any jet of water he spat out would return in the form of steam hot enough to melt his skin, and also seeing as how the regrowth of skin was extremely painful, decided to abandon that method after the first try, which had left his right leg looking rather like a turkey's would at thanksgiving.

Fighting fire with fire was also out, as he couldn't spit lava. His hottest flames couldn't hold a candle to the rising magma, pardon the pun. Futon just caused the molten rock to glow even brighter, and Raiton was completely useless in this situtation. Doton would have been ideal, had he ever truly mastered that element. He hadn't bothered, and now his pants were paying the price.

"Fuck..."

"Give up yet, Naruto-kun?"

"NEVER!"

Naruto went down on his unburnt knee, causing the fabric to instantly ignite. "You guys are making me bust out more and more tricks I had been trying to save for Josh." He flipped through a few seals at a blinding speed before clenching both of his fists and slamming them together. "Initial Guardian Art: Guardian Shield!"

Almost instantly, a translucent shield materialized in dome form, surrounding his body and cutting off the lava. His pants, however, continued to burn.

He grunted and the shield exploded outward, sending lava flying everywhere, including Mei's hiding spot, which she had made out of a steambank. Taking no chances, Naruto drew his sword, and using a burst of chakra to push himself upward, stabbed her through her right lung. "This fight.. is over..." He coughed.

* * *

Josh stood up and strode toward the door.

"What are you doing? Aren't you going to give Naruto a chance to catch his breath?"

The guardian shot a strange look at Kakashi. "I'm firing up the stasis field. The hag's gonna need healing- stronger stuff. Naruto keeps a mild poison in his sword."

* * *

After Mei had been transferred to the infirmary and stabilized with Bonnie's help, as well as the floor of the stadium replaced with several metric tons of quick-dry cement, Naruto stood on the stadium floor, staring down Josh.

"You know, this feels kinda nostalgic..."

The blond groaned, stretching out his burnt limbs. "Yeah, for you. I still can't remember everything."

Josh rolled his eyes. "You've got eighty percent of your memory back- you still can't remember any of our fights?"

"Nope."

His opponent snorted. "Well, you don't, but Jenkins over there sure does."

The two turned to look at Jenkins, who had donned blast armor and was peeking around the edge of the door, looking terrified despite all of the protection. "Yes!" he called over. "I do remember! And no, I'm not coming out of this bunker!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Josh caught Naruto putting something into his mouth and chewing. "Whatcha eating over there?"

Naruto held up three shriveled beans, grinning evilly before slipping them away into a pouch. "A double dose of Senzu Beans."

"Ready! FINAL ROUND! ORANGE LIGHTNING VERSUS THE SILVER SWORDSMAN! FIGHT!"

Before the last word had reached the entire audience, the bunker door had shut and Bill was rushing away as fast as he could. Everyone turned their attention two the two combatants.

Naruto finished chewing and swallowed his mouthful of Senzu Bean. "Ready to fight?"

Josh growled and drew his sword. "Sonofabitch..."

* * *

Author's Note:

Hey, guys. Sorry about these absurdly long update times.

Actually, had I moved along with my original schedule, today would have been the last chapter of Timeless, which meant the end of Part I.

However, college, along with the loss of my Mojo and Muse have slowed everything down to a literal crawl. Did i mention that i also found a job?

So yeah, as much as i enjoy writing, RL first.

No ETA on the next chapter, but it's title is simple. "Guardian".

Hopefully, it wont take as long for the next chapter to come out.

Until then,

Xingster

P.S. R&R. It helps me write- I work best with motivation.

P.P.S. I'm entering a contest on Roosterteeth's website. It's a video contest, and i'm submitting a video soon. It's a AMV, of course. The screenname is what i sign on, which is "Xingster".  
Go and vote for me, will you?

Ja ne.


	32. Chapter 31

Chapter XXXI: Guardian

Josh flipped the sword to his other hand, tapping the hilt. "Where did you get the Senzu Beans? I thought that I said that I wasn't going to give you any more."

Naruto stretched and drew his own sword. "I got a drop back here in case something like this happened. Wouldn't have bothered if Nacht hadn't bothered the hell out of me."

The taller guardian shook his head, the visor falling to its closed position in the same motion. "I swear, you've got more luck then anyone else that I've ever met. Shit just always falls into your lap, doesn't it?"

Naruto shrugged. "Maybe. Practice Duel?"

Josh returned the motion. "Practice Duel."

Faster than any Non-Sharinganed eye could make out, the two guardians closed the space between them at a blistering rate, the field's shields darkening to blot out the view, as well as protect the vision of everyone else around them. For the first time, the videoboards, which had been largely ignored up until this point, became the central point of focus.

* * *

Naruto swore for what seemed like the millionth time since he started to regain his memory, and in extension, his guardian powers. Josh, despite being allegedly stuck behind a desk for a century, hadn't had his skill degrade any. In fact, despite the fact that he had spent the last seven years honing his physical skill, being the weaker part of his abilities, it still wasn't even vaguely enough to match his partner's natural adeptness with a blade. He also had to remind himself that he only had seven years to hone his skills, while compared to Josh, who had nearly two hundred to push his even further ridiculous heights, would have a major skill difference.

So far, even with the restored memories and powers, Naruto was just barely holding off a bored-looking Josh, parrying every single hit that he threw and occasionally throwing a half-hearted attack back at him. It wasn't even to the point where he could take advantage of any openings. Between the two, it had never even been close. Trained as a shinobi, and not one that was to be well-versed in swordplay, Naruto had always been at a distinctive disadvantage.

Seeing no way to push his way past Josh's guard, Naruto backed off and began to flip through seals instead. Practice Duel or not, challenging a Class-S Swordsmaster to a close-range fight with melee weapons was akin to suicide no matter how you cut the cake. It wasn't like Naruto could seal Josh away either. His sealing had always been on the messy side, and Josh had no doubt studied even more into the niceties of Seal Generation, further increasing his skill to new levels.

Outrunning and flanking Josh was also out of the question. Apart from the odd Stealth or Speed Specialized Guardian, Swordsmasters were the fastest of guardians, owing to the need to move from Place A to Place B and swing a sword to hack someone's limb off or avoid losing said limb. Even with the Hirashin, Josh could anticipate over three-quarters of his attacks. Lightning Blitz was out of the question, as the space constraint was also working against him. Any AoE attack would easily knock him out of that form. Lightning Ace was also a no-go, seeing as that technique took an ungodly amount of energy- far more than he currently had access to, thanks to the Seal of Unholy Draining.

So, he would use the one aspect in which he could even potentially match Josh. Despite the aforementioned Seal of Unholy Draining, if he could keep the ratio of Guardian to Human Energy low, there was the off chance that he could stretch the fight out long enough to wear the other Guardian out. For all of his amazing natural skill and ability to pick up techniques on the fly, his comparatively small energy reserves made him a burst fighter, not one designed to wage a battle of attrition.

"By the power granted to me… I call upon thee…"

Josh grinned and just drew his pistol, firing off half a clip at Naruto, who had just entered the power-up phase, interrupting it. "You honestly think I'm gonna let you power up and fight me that way? You're more naïve than I thought."

In response, Naruto drew a half dozen Kunai and hurled them at Josh, who deflected them into a wall without even blinking, returning fire at the same time. The blond ducked the shots, created two dozen Kage Bunshin, which promptly swarmed the swordsman, trying to get their hand on his weapons with little success.

It, however, did buy him enough time to slap both palms down and do a dual-summoning, calling in two more clones. Prior to the battle, he had recalled all of his personalities back within himself. Not the healthiest decision that he had made in his life, but it had been necessary.

"Nacht, Uzu, you're up!"

The two bunshin, which had been standing there limply, sprang to life the moment Naruto called their names. "…Meh… you know I suck for in a fight, boss. Why, oh why do you keep on calling me?"

Naruto gritted his teeth and spun up a rasengan. "Not much of a choice right now. Nacht and I really can't fight this guy by ourselves, and Ki is pretty much useless in a fight. So it's down to you."

"… but what about-"

"Nobody else is awake right now, idiot." Nacht snapped, readying his own attacks as Josh finished off the last of the kage bunshin. "Yamato would be better than both of us, but he's still snoozing away. Rui is busy checking on _his_ seal, and Kyuubi isn't in a position to help us here. So, it's us three and dodge left."

They all leapt left as two bolts of lightning streaked past where they were just standing, rebounding off of the stadium barrier and right back at its castor, who grabbed it and threw it back at the trio, who scattered like leaves, not wanting to get vaporized.

"Ready! AIM!"

All three landed in a rough triangular formation around the single guardian, who smiled in a bemused sort of factor and drew his combat knife.

"FIRE! INITIAL GUARDIAN ART: PHONENIX INFERNO!"

Three bolts of red-hot fire jetted toward Josh, who briefly adjusted his grip before sidestepping the first, slapping the second one into it, and deflecting the third into the sky, where it splattered harmlessly against the barrier.

"Come on, Phoenix Infernos? You've gotta do better than that. Jabba's been making upgrades to my armor- even if you did hit me it's not going to do jack shit."

Without saying anything, the two fragments fell back as the original charged his partner, drawing his sword in the same motion, mouthing words that were lost in the slipstream.

However, Josh wasn't born yesterday and had always been the superior swordsman. He read Naruto's attack with ease, flicking out his own blade to parry it before pulling it back and driving it down again, shattering the fused blade into a myriad of fragments, some rebounding off of the attacker's shield, but mostly straight into Naruto's torso.

Swearing, the blond retreated before giving himself the one-over to make sure that the broken sword hadn't hit any critical parts. "Damn… hadn't expected that thing to break so damn easily. Oi! Tenten! I WANT A REFUND!"

"ALL SALES ARE FINAL!" She shouted right back.

Naruto shook his head exasperatedly. "Great. Just great." Grumbling, he pulled out the hilt of his Chakra Blade and activated it. "This thing is so off-balance…"

Josh, on the other hand, was caught completely off guard. "Wait wait wait. _Where_ did you get that? Energy Blades are restricted weapons- Wooder saw to that Twenty Thousand Years ago."

"I have my sources." Naruto said shortly, twirling the sword like a baton, threw it up into the air, jumped up, caught it, and brought it down at Josh, rolled out of the way. "Let's fight."

"Yes." Josh growled, shifting the grip on his knife. "Let's."

The two dove at each other again, swords clashing. This time, however, Naruto's weapon had a slight edge. Because the blade wasn't made of a solid material, it was capable of bending and warping to the user's will. Every time the two blades clashed, the energy sword tried to curl it self around the alloyed blade and cut it apart, but Josh would always pull it back and attack anew. Now that the two of them were much closer in height, the previous strategy of using the knife as a secondary weapon was pretty much neutralized- he couldn't get close enough without the energy sword sizzling against his shield.

Despite all of this, and the two fragments harassing the two of them with energy attacks whenever they could, Josh still held an overwhelming advantage. He was still faster, stronger, and more skilled with a sword. Naruto may have improved dramatically from his previous self, but he just couldn't keep up. There was also the fact that he was wearing Warship-Grade Armor which was designed to deflect and absorb energy blasts.

The only term for this kind of battle would be a curb-stomp.

* * *

Nagato opened his eyes. "It is time. Everybody, fan out."

* * *

Having repelled another one of Naruto's floundering attacks, Josh retreated and unslung his rifle. "Ready for some target practice, Naruto?"

"Fuck."

* * *

As the Six Paths of Pain walked from the holding room, buried underground in the forests surrounding Konoha, a figure materialized in front of the actual pain. "The Hachibi has been captured and the Raikage dealt with. He will not be bothering us any time soon."

"Good. Now, for the Kyuubi."

* * *

"Oi! Are you trying to kill me over here? That was aimed at my head!"

"Where else am I supposed to aim at?"

"Shinra Tensei!"

Both guardians looked up as the gravity attack met the barrier surrounding the field, canceling each other out. "Who the fuck invited punk rocker to the party?"

Naruto's eyes, however, narrowed and he spun up a rasenshuriken. "Careful, Josh. This guy's got the ability to manipulate gravity, and he's not alone…"

The sky darkened as Pain poofed away, presumably summoned. An orange mask dominated the area above the stadium, one sharingan exposed. "Ah… Kyuubi. Good to see you. I trust that you've been well."

Naruto's response was to throw the rasenshuriken straight up, briefly distorting the image before it solidified once again. "Aww, such a cold welcome. Did you not appreciate this touch? Bypassing all of your defenses to establish this little communiqué?"

"Orbital sensors detect nothing but an energy projection- Naruto, save your energy. There's not much you can do with your attacks right now."

Madara blinked. "Ohho? What do we have here? An honest-to-god guardian. That's rare. I haven't seen one of you around in a while. Well, apart from Kyuubi here."

Josh tightened the grip on his sword. "What do you mean lately? There's nothing on the Index about another guardian coming here. Just a couple of supply drops and the idiot."

"Don't kid yourself. You know that there are plenty of ways in and out of a dimension without triggering the Index."

"Well, then. I take it you didn't interrupt our fight to chat. What the hell do you want?"

Madara closed his one exposed eye. "Indeed I did. And I have an ultimatum."

Josh whistled, twirling his blade. "You've got balls of steel, issuing one of those to me. Last person who did lost his balls."

"Yes… Well." Madara coughed. "You have until sunrise tomorrow to hand over the Kyuubi. If not, I will attack."

The swordsman laughed. "Ha! Don't get me wrong- this projection is impressive, but there's no way you could take on both of us and win. You're blowing steam out of your-"

"Did I ever say that I was alone?" Madara breathed, his one eye narrowing, all signs of brevity gone. "No, I don't believe I did so."

The projection backed off somewhat, exposing six similarly dressed people. "I have on my side, the Six Paths of Pain."

Josh yawned. "Yeah, Yeah. Not impressed…"

Madara poked a hole in his mask. "I myself have a rinnengan."

The guardian waved him off. "Good for you, good for you…"

The projection backed off one last time. "And I have an army of one hundred thousand."

"Yeah, yeah. Not impress- wait." Josh paused. "One hundred thousand?"

"Yes… One hundred thousand."

"Hmm… that might actually pose a problem. But still." The guardian shrugged again. "It's nothing that I haven't seen before. I'll see you on the battlefield." He punched skyward, launching a wide-bore beam that disrupted the image.

He looked over at Naruto, who was glaring daggers back at him. "What?" Josh asked, an eyebrow cocked. "You honestly think that I was going to give in to a prick like him?"

"No… I was just hoping that you hadn't provoked him like that. Madara is dangerous, Josh. He nearly killed me the last time we met."

"Keyword there is you, Naruto. I'm not you."

With that, the taller guardian reappeared in the competitors box. "Show's over people. Stand by for your Hokage's orders."

In the meantime, Naruto had Hiraishined into the kage's box. "Baa-chan. You need to get everyone out of here."

"For once, the idiot's right." Josh phased into view, helmet off, looking rather pissed. "I just had Bon-bon trace and analyze the energy signature from the projection. Naruto- Madara's got Guardian Powers. You know what that means."

The blonde facepalmed. "Collateral Damage through the ass." He turned to face Tsunade, a deadly serious expression on his face. "We need to evacuate the village. If you don't, there might not be a village left to rebuild after we're done."

Josh tapped a couple of buttons in midair. "Sunrise is at 0823 tomorrow. We-" he pointed at Naruto and himself. "Will be preparing to defend this position. I'll put down a marked lane to get out of this area. Don't stray from the path if you don't want to get vaporized on contact."

"Hang on. Just the two of us?"

"Yeah. We should be able to take on these upstarts."

"Umm… Just one problem." He pointed at his palms. "The Seal of Unholy Draining. Can't use the Bunshin Army."

The swordsman swore. "Goddamnit. Forgot about that. Looks like we'll need reinforcements after all." He turned to Tsunade. "Gather your council. I'll call in reinforcements. Meet me at the chambers in twenty minutes."

The two guardians shared a nod and phased out of existence, leaving behind the Hokage and her guard. "Hokage-sama?"

"Well? What are you waiting for? Go distribute the orders! Madara is not a threat to be taken lightly!"

Faster ANBU had never been seen.

* * *

The council meeting room was tense. Everybody present had heard the conversation between Madara and the two guardians, but nobody knew what was going on. Tsunade sat at the forefront, tapping one foot impatiently.

Before long, Naruto hiraishined into the room, causing everyone to tense up in anticipation of news, and perhaps, salvation. "Relax. I was just making sure that none of the enemy had sneaked up on us. Josh said that he had to go check up on something and that he would be back in a couple of minutes."

With that proclamation, he jumped to the ceiling and squatted down on it, closed one eye, and began to snore.

Twelve minutes late, the door was thrown open and Josh stalked in, helmet tucked underneath his arm, sidearm in his other hand. "All right. We don't have a second to waste. I'm going to brief you, and then you're going to clear out."

"Why should we? Konoha is the-" One particularly pompous councilor began to say.

Josh dropped him with a single shot. "Right, any other idiots want to argue with me?"

"You just killed him!"

The guardian rolled his eyes and shot the speaker as well. "Yes, I killed him. I've envoked GEC 2-47. That gives me unrestricted power to remove any obstruction I deem to be harmful by any means necessary, up to and including terminal force. I hate using it- it's a bitchload of paperwork, but I will. Anyone else want to argue?"

When nobody responded, Josh slammed his helmet down on the table. "Right. Here's the deal. I just pulled these from the GEO-SAT that I've got up in orbit." A projection came up, showing the elemental countries in relief. "Sensors indicate that there is a huge mass of energy coming from the northwest, approaching at a decent pace. At their current pace, they'll be here in about twelve hours, or sunrise tomorrow. There's not much we can do about that."

He swiped, moving aside the map. "Konoha will be a battleground tomorrow. I can't do anything to stop that." He pulled up a schematic of the newly-built stadium. "But here's what I can do." He highlighted the building. "I'm calling in reinforcements. Everyone that wants to be evacuated needs to report here by 2300 today. They've got dropships and other methods to move you out of the danger zone." He pulled the map up again. "The fallback zone is here. Sixty miles to the southeast. All of your people need to report there as well, unless they want to fight alongside us. I should warn you though, if they will, there's a good chance that they might die. I've got three other combat-certified guardians coming in, and the energy us five will put out will be in the range to kill any non-conditioned combatants around us."

Josh picked up the helmet, slotting it on again. "Reinforcements should be here in six hours. Expect some booms." He turned to leave, gesturing for his teammate. "I've told you everything that you need to know. If you want to live, I highly suggest that you start moving. Now."

* * *

The two guardians headed outside of the village walls, talking quickly all the while. "Who did you get to come and help?"

His partner grunted and pulled out a weird cylindrical object, extending a spike before thrusting it into the ground. "There we go. Beacon's up. Now they'll have a place to land… just need to contact them now."

* * *

Back in Naruto's still mostly-destroyed home, Josh had used the remains of Naruto's antenna, rigged it into a high-gain broadcaster, and opened a transdimensional channel. So far, the line he had tried to contact had been busy, but he kept on pinging them, hoping to get a response.

"This is Fleet Admiral Terrence Hood, Commander of the- Ah. Field Colonel. Good to see you again. I trust you have a reason to place this very tricky call?"

Josh snapped off a quick salute. "Yes. I need some reinforcements. I'm on an unofficial mission, and the enemy has just declared war on us with an estimated Hundred Thousand enemy solders inbound. I need SA-Spartans, and I need a lot of them."

Hood was thoughtful, pulling out a pipe. "I do have some SA-Spartans on hand." He puffed a couple of times, releasing small clouds of smoke. "How many were you thinking of?"

"Three hundred SA-Spartans should do it. They don't have to defeat the enemy, just hold them for an hour or two. I'm calling in a couple of my students to help our in our fight against the ringleaders."

The admiral nodded. "I'll send the Spartans. I trust you've set up a beacon for them to lock on to?"

"Yeah, I set one of those up. Tell them to bring plenty of ammo and vehicles. A couple of dropships wouldn't go amiss either. Could you get them here in six hours?"

"Roger that. Hood out. You owe me one, Field Colonel."

Josh snapped off the communiqué and took down his end of the transmitter. "There we go. We've got Spartans. Let's see who decided to stay behind."

The two phased out of the gate and to the top of the Hokage monument, overlooking the entire village as the sun set. "Time is running out. There might not be time to move all of the villagers. Do you think you can sink a hole and reinforce the top? Even if the Spartans bring a couple of Albatroi, it probably wont be enough."

Naruto rolled his eyes and made a couple of Kage Bunshin. "I think I'm well-versed enough in Doton to sink a couple of holes in cement, Josh."

"Right. Wow. Are you all willing to die?"

The two guardians turned around to see the majority of Konoha's Shinobi standing behind them.

"We are Shinobi. We are prepared to die to defend this village."

Josh shrugged. "It's your heads on the line. I'm not going to stop you." He said as he unlatched both gauntlets. "Now, back up a bit, will you? I'm getting ready to call in the rest of the help." He bit his fingers and began tracing a series of intricate seals straight onto the rock, not bothering with paper. "Right…" he muttered, still tracing. "That… should do it."

He relatched his gauntlets and stomped three times on the seal, drawing his sword in the same instant.

Three pops and some swearing later, three figures lay flattened right on top of one another. The first to splutter something out was wearing a set of black robes and had bright orange hair. "The hell? Oi! You could have made three seals!"

A teenager shoved the other two out of the way. "Geez, Josh. There's no need for that. I was about to get it on as well…"

The third figure, this one wearing a flapping brown cloak, stood up and dusted himself off as well. "Josh-san, I hope there's a reason why we're here."

The aforementioned guardian sheathed his sword. "I called you here to help me repel an invasion. Also, there's someone you might want to see."

At this, Naruto stepped out, smiling evilly. "Heyo! Remember me?"

The effects were immediate. The first two immediately took up defensive positions, one drawing the huge meat cleaver on his back, the other pulling two strips of wood from his sleeves. "WOAH! WHAT THE FUCK! JOSH! ARE YOU INSANE!"

"Weapons down, you two. Weapons down. Don't worry, he's got the Seal of Unholy Draining, and I might have found a counter to _it_."

They relaxed a fraction, loosening the grip on their weapons, but still within easy reach to launch an attack. The third, however, looked close to tears. "Sensei?"

Naruto punched his shoulder. "Good to see you, Negi. Unlocked that PI yet?"

He shook his head. "No, sensei. I'm getting closer every day, though."

Grinning even wider, he turned to the remaining pair. "Ah. Perhaps an introduction is in order, Josh?"

He chuckled and shook off his helmet. "Yeah. Everybody, up!"

As one, the five guardians lifted smoothly off of the wall, floating in midair, glowing gently in the setting sun. "Well, you know who we two are, so I'll introduce these three first." He pointed at the young kid, who gave a genial wave. "This is Lieutenant Negi "Stripper Sneezer" Springfield. Codename: Lightning Streaker. He's Naruto's only coherent student." he paused at this. "Erm, what's your power level again?"

He huffed his chest proudly. "Eight and a half."

Josh actually looked impressed. "Not bad for someone your age."

He pointed at the next person in line. "This is one of my students. Everyone, Meet Lieutenant Ichigo "Strawberry Shortcake" Kurosaki." Josh dodged a huge energy wave, not missing a beat in his speech. "Codename: Black Crescent. He's also one of our Resident Shinigami. His power level, if my memory hasn't failed me, is about a Seven and two thirds."

Ichigo scowled something fierce at his sensei. "Goddamnit, Josh. I told you never to call me that again. Rukia won't stop calling me that now."

The armor-clad guardian cocked an eyebrow. "You should be thanking your lucky stars that I didn't push for that for you to be your Official Codename. You should consider changing your name. Strawberry isn't exactly masculine."

"Wait, wait. Did you just say that he was a Shinigami?" Neji interjected, settling back into a defensive stance."

"Yeah, so?" Josh said, at the same time giving his student a fistbump, which he reluctantly returned.

"Did you just fistbump a shinigami?"

"Yeah, so?"

"That's against the rules, isn't it?"

Josh barked out a laugh. "Screw the rules, I have immortality!"

He turned to the last Guardian, who was toying around with a small golden sphere. "Quit fucking around with that, will you? You know how much that thing pisses me off when you start showing off with that." The raven-haired guardian smirked and ignored the other guardian, or at least, he did until Josh flicked out his sidearm and shot it out of the air. "Right. The idiot playing with his balls over there is a bit of a special case. We took turns training him, so he's not all there in the head."

Josh shook his head and took a long draught from his hip flask. "Introducing Lieutenant Harry "Man who won't fucking die" Potter. Codename: Dual Pulsar. Last time I checked, you were a what, Five and Three-Quarters?"

"Yeah- but I'm almost-"

"Shut up, shut up. I don't care who you almost boned to get more power." He sighed and took a drink. "Next up is the idiot. Everyone, before he went completely insane and tried to destroy all of creation, meet Ex-Captain Naruto "Jailbird" Uzumaki. Codename: Orange Lightning. At his peak... what, three-hundred and eighty-two?"

Naruto shrugged and opened up another pack of instant ramen. By this point, everyone had given up on asking where they had come from. "I don't remember. But I do remember some things."

Pouring on some more water before channeling energy to set it to boil, he waved at the armored guardian. "Everyone, this is Major-"

"Field Colonel, thank you very much." Josh interrupted with a scowl on his face.

Naruto waved him off. "Field Colonel Josh "Looselips". His last name is classified, so nobody really knows what it is." Codename: Silver Swordsman. Power level..."

Now it was Josh's turn to smile. "Three hundred and ninety-six, at last count, thank you. You may now bend over and kiss my ass."

"That means you're-"

"Yep. Almost at the barrier. I can hold the transformation for fifteen seconds. Which means, even if you got back at full power now, I would still beat you there."

"Goddamnit Josh-"

At this, the last of the light faded. A couple of seconds later, a huge crack resonated through the air, indicating a massive displacement of air. "Now, unless Santa decided to visit early," Josh mused, ignoring a still-fuming Naruto. "That would be the SA-Spartans- oh… sweet. They brought along a carrier. I didn't know that they still made those…"

Even as he spoke, hundreds of streaks of light flew right toward them at an alarming speed. Some of the shinobi drew weapons and were prepared to use them, but Josh waved them off. "Don't bother. They're using NewDawn Armor. They're Mark XV's, but it's about the same as attacking me with them. Save it for tomorrow."

As the streaks got closer and closer, it was easier for the keener-eyed shinobi to discern humanoid figures inside of them all. Humanoid was right- most of the figures were absolutely massive- some looked close to seven feet tall!

Josh got down from his post and gestured for everyone to follow them. While some did, others hung back, still wary of the way that they had arrived.

He flicked on his helmet's high beams, cutting twin swathes of light through the dust of the landing. "OI! Chief! You in there?"

An enormous figure unfolded itself, brushing some nonexistent dust off of its shoulder before snapping off a salute. The figure was easily a head and a half taller then Josh, who in turn was considerably taller then almost every single shinobi in the village. "Spartans! Attention!"

Josh waved him off. "You don't have to be so formal. This isn't an official mission. How's the new armor?"

The giant relaxed slightly, tucking his hands behind the small of his back. "Like a dream. The internal gravity adjuster and the new integrated defense systems are a huge leap ahead of what MJOLNIR VII could deliver."

"Good, good. Glad to hear it. I assume Halsey and her team adjusted the suits for you guys? No offense, but Guardians don't really get that tall that often- it makes CQB awkward for us."

"Yes sir. I also brought as much weaponry as we could fit onto a carrier. We have enough ammo for two weeks of continuous fire."

Josh glanced up at the carrier, now dropping larger blobs into the atmosphere. "I assume that you brought along some pelicans and albatri?"

"Yes, sir. Seven Albatross and two wings of Pelicans. Lord Hood gave us orders to evac the civilians."

The guardian took a deep breath. "Did you bring along three hundred Spartans? You're going to be doing a holding action against one hundred thousand hostiles."

John motioned to the solders behind him, who were already beginning to set up a couple of bunkers and automated defenses. "We tried sir, but there were only so many of us that were around. We had to bring along-"

"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I R TEH BEEEEESST! NOBODI CAN STOP ME NAO!"

Josh facefaulted. "Please don't tell me you brought along LOLChief." He moaned, getting back on his feet."

The Spartan shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "There was nobody else available, and he insisted on coming."

Josh palmed his face and slowly walked away. "I ask for three hundred Spartans and what do I get? Two hundred ninety-nine Spartans and a team-killing fucktard."

* * *

Everyone who wasn't a guardian stared in awe as the majority of SA-Spartans set up their defenses. Instant Concrete was poured into metallic molds, leaving behind large blocks of cement which were then set in place with a quick-drying epoxy. Teams of Spartans also went out and buried huge satchels of something. When asked what they were, one of the armored solders shrugged, threw one into the air, and shot it before it could come down. The Antlion Anti-Personnel mine exploded, sending fragments of shrapnel flying everwhere.

After that, no shinobi dared asked what kind of strange weaponary that the newcomers were packing. Well, almost nobody.

"Oooh! Can I see? Can I see?"

Even though he stood head and shoulder above the bunned girl, Fred-107 was caught in an awkward place. Technically, UNSC Spartans were never supposed to surrender their weapon without the command of a superior officer. However, this being a non-standard mission, he relented.

Tenten immediately went over every single aspect of the MA5B, pushing buttons at random, ejecting the clip and reinserting it, and accidentally firing the chambered round into a unsuspecting Kage Bunshin, who dispelled immediately. A couple of the other bunshin shot her dirty looks, but returned to their tasks after a couple of seconds.

In addition to the defenses provided by the spartans, Tsunade had also directed the volunteers to attach exploding tags and other seals to the wall proper, as a secondary defense to when the initial defensive line would be breached. The two rarely interacted, except for when the spartans asked for some of the shinobi to excavate a hole so that they could park a tank inside.

Within two hours, the front gates of Konoha were completely unrecognizable. A reinforced and multi-tiered defense labyrinth/fort hybrid stood in front of the gates. Fifty Dual-Barreled UNSC Grizzlies were parked in a defensive formation in front of it all, turrets now mounted at ground level. Two packs of ten hull-reinforced and doored warthogs stood ready to charge head-first into the melee to provide the vehicular homicide, as well as a series of mounted chainguns and railguns repurposed from other warthogs.

As for the labyrinth itself, motion sensitive turrets, mines, as well as thirty spartans armed with close-combat weapons reinforced their positions before sealing themselves in- punching out would be easy enough, provided they could call for backup. As for the top, to prevent any creative units from coming over the top, Josh had been kind enough to put up a heat trap and everyone had been spitting water and fire into said zone until it was a contained steam bath hot enough to melt steel on contact.

That's not to say that the shinobi were resting on their laurels. Tsunade had ordered that all of their siege equipment be brought out and laid up on the top of the wall. Smaller weapons were also distributed to all of the holdouts. Every single contracted summon creature was brought out. Lots of them were grumbling about this, until the news was spread of what was approaching. This caused lots of them to clam up, with the odd exception of a set of clams, who went back, saying that they would be more harm then help in the upcoming battle.

After all of the tanks and heavy weaponary had been set down, the flyers had been redirected up to the stadium, where they began moving out people at a prodigious rate. Each pelican could only carry twenty people or so, civilians being much smaller then the usual bulky fare of UNSC Marines, but with twenty-four running pretty much nonstop, as well as the Albatross carrying huge loads of people back and forth, it took a little over five hours to move all of the civilians to the fallback point.

Just as the spartans had finished checking the anchor points on all of the mounted weapons and the last of the defensive barriers had been established by the shinobi, Josh jacked up the volume on his external microphones. "All right! Good job, people! It's 0400 right now! Two hours of sleep! 0600 is breakfast and final orders! Chop Chop!"

Most of the shinobi grumbled and shunshined away, returning to their homes for the brief respite before the battle. The spartans just sat down where they were and leaned back, readying themselves, mostly through their own rituals.

The five guardians, on the other hand, popped open barrels of booze, lit a huge bonfire, and proceeded to down the whole lot while dancing around said bonfire. Naruto begged off when Josh busted out the Everclear and started imitating a dragon by spitting fire at him.

Hiraishining when mildly buzzed, despite being nearly impossible for a guardian to become inebriated, was not recommended. While he didn't break any bones by slightly misjudging the energy needed to make the jump, he did manage to crash head-first into the only intact vase left in the house, trigger one of his traps, which threw him headfirst down the stairs.

After swearing up a storm and getting some painkillers out of the remains of his kitchen cabinet, Naruto trudged downstairs and got what was left of his weapon stash that he had brought back with him from his exile. Aside from a backup sword that had seen better days, he had a small pouch of Energy Kunai and Shuriken. That, along with the meager supply of remaining Senzu Beans were all he had to fight the roughly hundred thousand that Madara had boasted of, and even with the twenty thousand or so Konoha Shinobi who had decided to stand with them, he didn't like the piss-poor odds stacked against him.

Sighing again, and getting a nasty electrical shock after trying to turn the lights off, he padded upstairs and slipped into bed, stripping down to his undergarments. Without having to worry about the armor that he would have to change into if he had been issued any, Naruto drifted off into an uneasy sleep. Something about this entire setup smelled fishy, and it wasn't his ramen gone bad.

* * *

_Wiggle._

_Wiggle._

Naruto was instantly alert. Centuries of sleeping on alert with a rabid fangirl problem had hypertuned his senses to this sort of motion. Somebody was in his bed and trying to spoon him.

No way, no how.

Bracing himself, he built up a huge burst of energy in his third energy point and let fly, spinning him out of bed, knocking the interloper flying. He may not be a morning person, but an unknown person in his bed was more then enough to get his full attention and to de-ass the area.

But how that he was picking himself up and drawing a double handful of energy shuriken, he thought it was rather silly. Despite the house being mostly in ruins, the seal foundations on which the security seals were still largely intact. Josh could get in, seeing as how he had everything that he needed on file. But even if it was just to fuck with his mind, the constant NewDawn armor that he wore was extremely unyielding, so that ruled him out.

Natalie, the bane of his existence back during his tenure as a guardian, was officially missing in action, so it wasn't very likely to have been her. Besides, she was good enough to get into his bed without waking him with some wiggling.

That just left one possibility.

"Erm, Hinata-chan, why were you in my bed?"

The figure emerged from the shadows that permeated one side of the room. It sure looked like Hinata, lacy lingerie and all. That is, until he caught one glimpse of her eyes. It was a sight that still frightened him to this day. "Wait a second. I know those eyes anywhere. There's no way. There's no way that-"

Before he could say anything else, 'Hinata' shot across the room, captured his lips in a passionate kiss, pushed him to the ground, and straddled him. "Not tonight, you delicious thing. I'll do to you what my last host couldn't-"

Without warning, Naruto tightened his stomach muscles, twisted, and deployed an emergency Hiraishin to get the hell out of the area, reappearing somewhere near the training grounds before using the Hiraishin to get to one of his clothes stashes that he kept nearby for just such a purpose.

* * *

"Damnit... So close..."

"You know, the last time you tried that, he damn near blew your host's head off. Will you _ever_ learn your lesson?"

Hinata spun around to see Josh leaning against the doorframe, which was groaning and threatening to give way under the weight of his armor. His left hand held a bottle of liquor. His right hand had his sidearm drawn. "I mean, it's not like there aren't other fish in the sea. I never understood your reason to go after the idiot."

He took another swig and burped. "Give it up. If things are going to happen, its going to happen naturally, not by jumping into bed with him."

She growled and tried hitting at his heart, but the guardian was having none of it. Josh caught her attack mid-blow in his iron-like grip, dropping the empty liquor bottle, stopping it cold before it even had a chance to connect. "Forget it." he said, flipping her back onto the bed. "You might have been able to pull that off if you were controlling Nat, but in an untrained body like this? You've got no chance."

In a single smooth motion, he leveled the pistol at Hinata and fired six shots, all of which connected, dropping her in her tracks. "That should put you out until the fighting's over... Just need to make sure..." He unclasped one gauntlet, gently bit his thumb, and traced out a pattern on the ground. "And... Presto..." he mumbled, reestablishing his armor's integrity with a click and stamping on the pattern that he had just traced.

At once, the bed, along with Hinata, disappeared from view, as if they had never been there. "Ah... Vic... you never did learn your lesson, did you? And come out, Naruto. There's no point hiding from me."

A fully-dressed Naruto slid smoothly out of the shadows, scowling heavily. "Nacht tried warning me, but it didn't turn out too well. Josh, you don't think-"

"Naruto, we've got a hundred thousand baddies knocking at your front door, hell-bent on leveling this place. Is now really the time to be discussing this?" Josh said tightly, turning to leave, but finding the door blocked by the owner of the house.

"Yeah, I know it's not ideal, but what did you do to her?"

Instead of trying to push past the blonde, Josh opted instead for the window, which Naruto followed, still pestering. Finally, after three blocks, he broke down. "Jesus, you really have gotten worse over the years. I thought you would have known me well enough by now- six PET rounds and a Dome of Obfuscation- being trapped in a pocket dimension should keep her out of our hair for a few hours."

"Six? Six PET rounds'll kill her!"

Josh shook his head. "Not so fast. This _is_ Vic we're talking about here. You know, the one that tormented you for so long? The one that everyone is obsessed about? One of the few beings besides your idiotic ass that can break a Million Moonbeam Seal? I frankly think that six was a bit on the light side, considering she broke one of _my_ Class S Mind Seals."

In a sudden move, he twisted and punched something down onto the ground, his sidearm in it's face in an instant. "And what have I told you about attacking me, LOLChief?"

"THATYOUWOULDKILLMELOL-"

"Damn straight."

Leaving behind the growing dust cloud, a swearing Josh, and a life-sized animated toy screaming for mercy, Naruto approached the staging grounds, where his kage bunshin, along with some of the SA-Spartans and shinobi were cooking breakfast on an industrial scale.

Approaching the Guardians, who had burned through most of the liquor supply, he grabbed one of the few bottles of sake left and downed the whole thing in one go. "Umm, Sensei? Are you all right?"

The blonde shook his head and flopped down next to his former student. "Don't worry about it. It's just something that I'm going to have to deal with later."

"Yep. It's a mess, alright." Josh sat down across the fire, looking none the worse for wear. "But enough about that for now- you guys might want to go get some breakfast before I issue final orders, some of the early risers are already getting here."

* * *

After a breakfast in which the five guardians thoroughly traumatized the shinobi who were serving the food of just how much five guardians could eat before a battle, especially when two of them got into a competition about who could eat the most, in which more then one person lost their breakfast while watching in morbid fascination, they left the staging grounds, still bickering.

"Alright, alright! Shut up, you two! You can tear strips out of each other later. We've got a battle to win. Here's the sit-rep."

He gestured vaguely out at the hastily-erected battlements. "We've got to clear out that forest before we can start. The Grizzlies' shells wont be able to penetrate that biomass without detonation, Warthogs don't like trees, and our snipers won't be able to get clean shots. Crescent and Streaker, get that done, but keep on heads. I've got final orders coming out."

The two guardans nodded and stepped into thin air, vanishing from sight, but leaving a clear trail of destruction through the forest, mostly in the form of fire. "Pulsar, you're on fail-safe duty. Get down to the fallback zone and protect those civilians from any interlopers that might make it past us. Also, if shit goes to hell somehow and one of us is killed, get your ass back to central and bring some backup to finish the fight."

He nodded, drew two thin strips of wood from inside of his sleeves, turned on the spot, and disappeared with a resounding crack. "Idiot, you're with me. We're going to organize your friends into a formation in which they hopefully won't get slaughtered like so many sheep."

* * *

After calming an irate Tsunade, who had _not_ been pleased that they had leveled the forest around the village, the two guardians had organized the shinobi into general battle units, seeing as how specialized units would just get clobbered in standard battle if they ran into something that they couldn't handle.

Just as the last of the units were in placed in position, the inky blackness of night faded to the pre-dawn royal blue, indicating that sunrise was incredibly close. "Half an hour." Josh remarked as he disassembled and cleaned his rifle, making minute tweaks here and there. "Half an hour until the mayhem starts."

* * *

Author's Notes:

Yes, yes, Crucify me if you will.

Updates are going to be like this for quite a while- i'm busy, unmovtivated, and have to start a job next friday.

This story should be finished by early July, in time for Part II to start.

Until then, a great thanks to my newcomers and faithful readers,

Xingster.


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